Name: Nathan Hartwell (Nate for short)
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Past Self Aware: Nathan usually remembers everything within a few short years after turning 13, always being the first among his group of friends to regain them. Just in case he forgets something, like a name, a place, a date or an important event that occurred in his previous lifetimes, he built a hidden bomb shelter type room where he hides documents he himself wrote, journals, pictures, artifacts, etc., and he keeps them all inside the room, away from the outside world. The shelter is also where he hides his pocket watch (more information on that under "Other"). The only thing he's afraid of forgetting each time, is where the shelter is located...
Role: Boy #1
Personality: Nathan is a very complex fellow. Having been through a traumatic experience during his first life, and then being forced to go through even worse versions of the same event, over and over, he's developed a very recluse mindset, choosing to stay closed off from the world, even more so towards his close friends, despite their attempts at trying to figure him out and peel back his seemingly impenetrable armor. There was once a time when he was openly kind and friendly. He is still kind and friendly by nature, however, he is but a mere shell of his former self, the only thing prominently on his mind being a solution to he and his friends' curse of having to live a short life, never allowed peace or the privilege of letting his guard down, always thinking "Is today the day...?", always prepared to find out someone has died a horrible death, yet again -- usually having to witness the event firsthand. While Nathan may be closed off to a certain degree, he still allows himself to remain close to them enough to where he can look out for them, just in case "today's the day"...
Nathan had already blamed himself for his friends having died in the first place, now choosing to punish himself greatly for being the reason they are all cursed to relive tragic deaths, over and over again, never seeming to find any peace, and because of that, he feels that he does not deserve to be among them any longer, the only thing keeping him attached is his constant agenda of trying to find the book that caused all of this -- his only reprieve being the hope that he'll one day be able to set them free, whether to end their reincarnation, or stop the cycle of infinite deaths they are forced to live out before they are even allowed to live a proper and full life.
Through the course of many lives, he has managed to develop a ploy towards keeping his friends from worrying about him. Although it doesn't work on all, it tends to help him bridge the gap he feels in his heart. Nathan mostly acts like his old self, best he can, not letting anyone in, but still maintaining his old demeanor in order to fool those around him into thinking he's alright. This act in keeping his friends from worrying about him has lead him to ultimately being rather distant and closed off, as mentioned previously. The only one seeming to see past it is his ex-girlfriend, whom he broke apart from entirely, feeling that he no longer deserved to be with her for what he did, and because he felt too distracted when trying to hold a relationship together while their lives were not yet complete, what with them always ending tragically and unfulfilled.
Nathan even refrains from keeping close to his (seemingly eternal) best friend, Victor. Although Victor might be the only person he feels he can truly rely on, he still can't help but keep him at a distance as well, as he does with all of his other friends. On the surface, Nathan and Victor seem as they always were: best friends who always hang out together, always talk to each other about everything -- even the secrets and especially the important stuff. But looking a little deeper, and you'll find that the once strong bond of friendship is now, like Nathan himself, a mere shell of its former self, being generally one-sided, with no one seeming to notice entirely. No one except for Nathan, that is.
In conclusion, Nathan Hartwell is so far deep into the hole of an existence he himself managed to create, that he will likely never feel like himself or even at peace once again, until he finds a way to solve everything, meaning that he is on the edge of being entirely and utterly broken, the only thing keeping him on his feet and his mind intact, being his friends' smiling faces, and the hopes that he will one day see them smiling always...
Details: Each life, Nathan always chooses to leave his family's house as soon as he is able, wanting to live alone, away from anyone and everyone that cares about him, feeling that it's not truly HIS family, which makes it nothing more than a distraction to him. He lives in a one bedroom apartment that he pays for by working at the local sporting goods store. The only person he usually lets stay over, if anyone, would be his friend Victor, whom, in many past lives as well as the first, has been his best friend. His attachment to Victor is about the same level as his attachment to everyone and everything else; it's there, but not as prominently as it used to be.
Because Nathan feels that the lives he has been forced to live are not his own, not rightfully so, at least, and because he chooses to live each new life exactly the same as before, the friends he has who are also past aware constantly remind him that he's "wasting" the "blessing" that was given to each of them by never breaking away from his "routine". The routine being nothing more than his secret agenda towards finding a way to lift the curse he placed on his friends. The only ounce of happiness he seems to find, is being able to see his old friends once more, but even that bright side is minor, as he knows it will not last...
Likes: + Reading
+ Solitude
+ Art
+ Sketching
+ Classical Music
+ Playing the Piano
+ Spaghetti
Dislikes: - Himself
- People who pry
- Black magic
- Lying to his friends
- Summer
- Guns
- Anything too dangerous
Secrets: The only notable secret that Nathan has, is the fact that he is the sole reason why everyone is stuck in this loop of reincarnation and premature death.
Fears: His friends finding out the truth, never finding a solution to the curse, seeing his friends die each new cycle, the local graveyard, deafening silence, and black magic.
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual
Crush: He doesn't really have any crush towards anyone, although he does still have lingering feelings towards his ex-girlfriend, Girl #1, but is too preoccupied with his current agenda to truly give it any thought. However, his lingering feelings towards her tend to make themselves noticed when he becomes fearful of her demise. When she is in danger, he focuses solely on trying to save her, proving that he still cares for her most of all, his feelings are merely covered up by his agenda, only ever coming out during the most basic and primal impulses, such as fear, panic, and desperation.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: N/A
Other: Nathan carries around a silver pocket watch that he received for his very first 18th birthday, 100 years ago, given to him by his girlfriend at the time. Since then, the watch has been an irreplaceable item of his that he cannot live without, as the watch warns him when one of his friends is going to die. This "warning" seems to be tethered to the fact that he is the one who conducted the resurrection ritual, and because he had it on his person at the time, and it involves time itself, the watch is best described as a channel for when "fate" decides it's time for the group to start dying off once again. Whether by mistake or design, this "magical" watch is something that Nathan never lives a life without. Managing to reacquire the watch by mere chance during his 2nd life, where he first noticed the watch stopping each death, he's since then decided to hide the watch as soon as the final date of death shows up; which just so happens to be his own...
Nathan was a pretty talented pianist back in his first life, and has managed to maintain his knowledge on how to play, each time he regains his lost memories each cycle. Choosing to place a classical piano in the shelter he built sometime during his 4th life, he often plays several different scores while he brain storms, the piano being one of the few things that allows his mind to escape from it all.
Height: 5'10"
Build: Lean and healthy, nothing at all worthy of any praise. Simple.
Looks:
Nathan has jet black hair and grey-blue eyes, and a clean, handsome face. His usual attire consists of long sleeve shirts and/or short sleeve shirts and regular jeans, and simple black shoes, topping it off with a jacket and hood he hardly pulls up, only ever doing so when he's upset or when he's in his thinking mode. He generally tends to wear dark colors, differing between dark blue, to black, but on some rare occasions, he'll actually wear white or gray.