Leopold Pratt's Story

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

“Did you hear that bitch? She asked if I got my hooves buffed by the local goblins. Goblins! Like I’d ever stoop that low. And I mean even if I did, I most certainly wouldn’t let the local goblins touch my babies. Have you seen their claws? Honey, I don’t think so.” Leopold looked up from his phone screen to see Sal nod sagely. That’s what he liked about Sal; he was cute and he listened. But mostly he was cute.

Speaking of attractive people, Leopold had a certain water nymph to see. He went back to his phone and turned abruptly on his hooves, effectively cutting Sal off and causing him to stumble. Without looking up, Leopold continued into the forest, leaving Sal all by his puzzled self.

“Uh-um, so I’ll just be going then?”

“See ya, Sal.” Leopold pocketed his phone in his open cardigan and lit a cigarette. Health warnings be damned, he looked cool as hell. The forest was relatively peaceful, and by that Leo meant loud-mouth birds and gross-ass bugs infested his space and air. Ugh. Why did nature have to be so gross. He frowned down at the bramble. Bluh. He was probably gonna get twigs and shit all stuck up between his toes. And he had just gotten them buffed and trimmed, too. Sigh, the things one does for love.

Leopold hummed to himself, lost in a lover’s reverie, and tilted his head back and exhaled. He watched the puff of smoke drift and curl through the leaf-filtered light. Damn. He should have brought his camera. That would have been such a choice snap for his blog… add a little photoshopped triangle in the center, maybe even an inspirational quote… ‘My brain hums with scraps of poetry and madness‘. Yeah, something like that. So choice.

A high pitched screech tore him from his daydream and Leopold’s ears folded back against his skull. “Jesus!” He gripped one of his throbbing ears and cursed. Stupid fucking oversensitive ears and stupid fucking nature. Why couldn’t Mother Nature teach her creations not to squawk in unsuspecting passerbys’ ears? Is that such a hard concept? He huffed and stubbed out his cigarette on a neighboring tree, tossing it to the floor. What, it’s not like he was going to stub it out with his hoof in the underbrush, that could potentially start a forest fire. He couldn’t let that happen, he was a forest deity after all.

Righting his beanie and tugging his cardigan back into place, Leopold started back on his trek to the lake. He had future-boyfriend stalking to do.

Zed.

"Oh, yes, I know!" Zed practically yelled at dead air, throwing herself back on the branch in which she rested in a theatrical fit, "How dare that tourist come into my sanctuary and just start making a fuss! I shall have their head, for sure, disturbing the aura and... And... And littering! Littering!" She had been throwing a fit half the day now, complaining to the trees and refusing to let the incident go. Why should she? Nature is sacred, and then these ugly little peasants come trouncing in like they have half a mind. No, scratch that. They have no minds. None at all. Zed bet if you put your ear against theirs, you could hear the wind howl.

Having run her energy dry from all of her complaining, Zed took up the position of being unceremoniously draped across a few of the wider branches, letting her limbs dangle like chimes. She had already finished her prayers, made a few flower crowns to be sold downtown later, and picked some herbs for medicines. So, basically, with nothing to do, she was bored.

That is, until a little Satyr happened to cross her vision. Her wings perked up, giving a malicious flutter. Of course she knew why he was here, the only reason Leopold would ever step foot into these forest. He came to get all goggly eyed over Art, which she couldn't blame him for, (God, that boy was fine!) but the trek to the lake seemed to be getting at him already. For a Satyr, nature was not his friend. Lucky me. Looks like the show has arrived. Oh, how she adored the gossip that would come out of this...

However, Zed had to fight down a coughing fit as smoke from Leo's cigarette drifted right into her face, and she could hear the trees weep pitifully in reply to the drifting death. That bitch! He should know better, being a Satyr, for Pan's sake! If she wasn't trying to spy on him, she would have tackled him to the ground right then and there.

Huffing pompously and pushing her hair out of her face with some aggravation, Zed glanced around quickly, trying to find something she could chuck at him. Cursing nature quietly under her breath for bricks not growing on trees, a flutter of multicolored feathers caught her eye. A slow, evil grin spread over her features as she snatched up a medium sized, brown and white bird. It was only for a second, but she gave it a hard and firm squeeze around it's mid-section, causing it to cry out at an ear-shattering volume. Then, it proceeded to bite her, in which, in turn, she threw it. Without missing a beat, the bird squawked at her once more, then darted off into the trees. Filthy thing...

When Zed had finally looked back, the Satyr was gone.

"Drats!" She jumped from her branch, her wings catching the air, and she darted off in hopes to catch up before anything truly interesting happened.

Haven sat underneath a large weeping willow, her body covered in black and red leather, her long legs crossed with a note book in her lap. Looking at her you probably wouldn't expect this girl to be Fae. THe only thing that gave that indication was the red tree marking on her forehead and the markings around her eyes that change from time to time.

"If no evil be nigh, to thwart you out of spite." She began, her pencil scribbling on the page. "you get upon the thistledown and if the breeze is right." She looked up at the sky, the sun peeking through the low hanging vines of the weeping willow. "You sail away to Faerieland along this track of light." She breathed looked up at the sun. She loved her home, she did but here...on Ironside, she could be whoever she wanted to be.

She didn't have to choose a court, she didn't have to choose a side.

Without warning, the trees groaned and whined in protest as a large creature darted out of the trees. She looked up at the sky with a frown. She closed her book and looked around only to find a large bird like creature flying in the sky.

A Satyr.

She smiled. This is why she loved it here. In OtherWorld, she would have never seen so many different creatures, her Fae curiosity could be satisfied here.

With that she closed her book and decided to head Downtown, To see what she could see there. Downtown was always good for an interesting story and an inspiration for a new poem.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

A hellish noise erupted from stage left, startling Leo into a goatish leap. He fumbled with his now airborne phone and watched in abject horror as it crashed to the forest floor. No. No no no, oh gods. Leo followed after the mobile, willing his limbs to move faster, as if picking it up quicker would lesson any damage inflicted. Leo flipped the electronic over in his palms several times before releasing a heavy breath through his nostrils.

Oh praise the gods. Not even a scratch. That ghost armor is really something.

Initial panic subsided, Leopold now registered the unsettling scent of heated air wafting over him. Oh gross. Didn't people know better than to light fires during the dry season? Leo frowns as he types fervidly on his way to the lake, hopefully uninterrupted, to bask on a sun warmed rock and watch the sun set (and hopefully maybe watch his favorite shirtless-nymph swim around). 'some people have absolutely no regard for the sacrament of nature #OnlyYouCanPreventWildfires'.

Ah yes, the lake was in sight. Finally. Leo had enough stumbling over roots and bramble for one day. Why flat surfaces weren't in the forest blueprints, he'll never understand.

The satyr inhaled deeply, freeing his nostrils of the not quite campfire smell from before and let a smile spread. That is, until something wet slapped across his face and chest.

Leopold stumbled back and whipped his head around to find the receptor of much of his disdain; Shela. Her body glistened in the midday sun from her perch on a partially submerged rock, mud dripping from her tail-turned catapult. Her dripping hair was pilled in a ratted mess atop her hair, aquatic plants hanging by clumps, and a shark like grin split her face. She looked utterly atrocious.

"Heya, short stuff," she giggled and waved her fingers at him. Leo didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or puke. He did neither, opting instead to look down at his own shirt. He blanched and a shrill, gaspy whine pulled itself from his throat. His shirt, his favorite white V-neck solid! Smeared with ungodly mud and filth! Leo sputtered, tugging hopelessly at his shirt and pointed at the devil’s spawn. “I-you where’d- I- You!” Fucking hell! How could he face his hunky nymph looking like this? “You-you hooker!” His face flushed with anger and scrunched in unpleasant ways. The anger practically oozed from his soul and Leo wished uselessly for it to pierce through the wildly laughing mermaid’s body. And of course his ears chose that moment to twitch and shoo away the disgusting winged insects that infested the air. Leo wanted to stomp his hoof in frustration, he hated when they did that. It completely shattered his menacing appearance.

Leopold wanted to scream. Or cry. Or maybe both. Just, damn it all! All he wanted was to watch hot, dripping wet men in peace. Was that too much to ask‽

He smoothed down his shirt and let out a deep, shaky breath through flared nostrils. That’s better. No exploding veins today. Leopold opened his eyes, his anger barely contained by his haughty demeanor, and opened his mouth to let insults fly, only to have Shela's giggle fit subside enough for her to speak, "You got a little something..." She gestured towards her cheek, impish grin still shining.

That little shit. That absolutely infuriating fish-skank. He tried to be calm, he really did. But now the insufferable bitch had to die.

Leo dove at the laughing fishgirl, intent on wrapping his hands around her slimy neck, only to be shocked from his anger by the slap of cold water everywhere.

By Pan's flute it was cold. Really fucking cold. Leo gasped and oh praise the gods they were still in the shallows of the lake. Hooves were not made for swimming.

His thrashing and flailing was decidedly not ungraceful, thank you very much. And he most certainly did not stumble over the rocks as he pulled himself out of the water.

"Leo dear, you forgot something," Shela's patronizing voice sung, causing Leo's fists to clench and jaw to grind. He stiffly stomped back to snatch his sopping beanie from her clutches. "Oh, and Art isn't here. He went out."

Of fucking course he did. His grip tightened around his beanie, lake water dripping from between his fingers as he snarled, "I hope you get caught in a fisherman's net," ignoring the fish as she coyly pointed to the No Fishing sign, he stomped back into the woods.

Leopold tromped through the forest tugging uselessly at his now stretched and transparent shirt. A whine pushed pass his downward tilted lips as he futilely attempted to push his now limp hair into its usual styled coif.

He paused his steady grumblings as his fingers brushed against something slimy and sucked in a breath. Leo squeezed his eyes shut as he pulled a limp piece of aquatic plant life from his horn. Oh no. Oh gross. Oh why. He flung it at a tree with a shrill squeak and shook his hands free of the slime. This was all that sea hags fault. All he wanted was to watch Art a little but instead he had his entire outfit and day ruined. Oh and look at that, his freshly groomed legs and hooves were caked in mud. Just what he needed.

The trees began to thin and oh thank heavens pavement. Leopold slowed his pace from his stumbling trot to a leisurely clomp, even if he was soaked to the bone he had to keep up appearances.

L E O P O L D • P R A T T

“You go for a swim recently?” An inquiring voice sounded from behind, sending a spark of tension through Leo’s shoulders.

“Oh, you must think you’re real cute,” he said with a harsh snort, “’Did I go for a swim’ Ha! I’ll have you know I work very hard to perfect my stylishly casual look every morning and that’s not something you just-just throw away by jumping in a goddamn lake.” Leo’s voice cracked with emotion, “My life is so hard and no one understands.”

That not-quite-campfire smell returned and before Leopold could complain, he was hit with a scalding blast of heat. “W-what do you think you’re doing,” Leo shrilled at the walking furnace, “Oh, no, absolutely not. If this mud dries it will be even harder to wash out!” He huffed indignantly, lifting his nose to the air, “Not to mention the shrinkage that could occur if these are not properly handled,” The ‘were you raised in a barn’ was left unsaid.

“Now why don’t you go fuck off before you set something important on fire.” With a huff and a twirl Leopold clomped off across the road towards his apartment building. Fucking Forge-Walkers, think they can solve everything. A bunch of hot heads is what they are, clunking about with their hulking mass and raging temperature. Bah.

The floorboards creaked as Leopold navigated the narrow halls, his clomps and frustrated grumblings muffled by the plaster walls. Leo reached for his apartment’s doorknob, eager to save his damp clothing, only to find it resisted. Sal must have locked up before work, the overcautious deer. Leo dug in his wet cardigan pocket, hunting for his keys, only to find his fingers found nothing, “No, no nononono,” Oh, gods show him some mercy. Where were his damned keys? “Sal, you in there?” He called through the door, still futilely turning the handle. When no answer came, Leo jiggled the doorknob violently one last time before thumping his horns against the door in defeat. Gods dammit! His keys must have fallen out in that accursed lake. Freaking mermaids. There was absolutely no way he was going back into the forest to find them, but he certainly wasn’t going to stand around and watch the mud dry.

Leopold stomped back out of the apartment building, rushing towards Crabapple’s and grumbling over the injustice served to him by the universe. Hopefully Sal was still there. Sal better fucking be there, there will be hell to pay if Leo is forced to scour the town for him in such a tragic state. Thank the gods the bookstore wasn’t all that far from the apartment, only a few windows away from Reynolds’ Records, actually. Leopold’s angry trot did not slow as he threw open the doors of Crabapple’s, murderous gaze zeroing in on the startled faun behind the counter, “Sal! I need your key.”

Asmodeus

As i struggle to control my blood flow, i feel like my cover is blown. I back away behind the shelves and stuff the sticky book regarding lizardfolk erotica back to the shelf. Maybe i can get at close range some other time. That butt won't stop haunting me. Some people would say that i should get my mind out of the gutter. I feel like my mind is the gutter.

I spot a strange metal creature pulsating with heat amongst the shelf. My mind fills me with confusion as i try to comprehend the creature before me. Man, the creatures of this world are a gift that keeps on giving. Like that Ettin back in Norway, he was a blast. After some observation of it's shiny forms, i decide to back away.

A shout catches my magical demon ears, a young voice. I peek behind a shelf to see an angry faun shouting at a scared faun. Psh, creatures of the woods are always fighting aren't they. The angry one has a nice frame though, not to mention rather long horns..

C a s s i u s

I didn't pay much attention to the population growth within the musty store until I heard the sweet shrills coming from the front of the store. I whirled around and grinned broadly at Willow, hair flopping into my face to obscure my perfect vision. “Welp, I hear the delightful screeching of my arch nemesis so I'm off to go piss him off some more!” I bid my goodbyes to the fellow teenager witch, completely dismissing the chilling sensation experienced moments ago into the “random things that don't make sense but are probably due to adolescent magic being haywire” pile.

Spinning on my worn heels, I snatched the cheap but interest-quipping novel (not that cheap isn't also a wonderful quality for a book to have, but I digress) from the shelf it resettled itself upon when my momentary romp with the wooden, scuffed floorboards. The torn cover seduced me with it's block font and blindingly yellow everything. So, logically, I stopped walking, leaned against a conveniently placed bookcase, and flipped through the pages. Quickly stumbling over the words that were in English but seemed like a different version of English only spoken on Jupiter, my face contoured into a mixed look of horror, amusement, and confusion. My eyes, which were a lovely shade of dark brown if you wanted to know, narrowed in sudden determination to finish this potentially convoluted novel and cause other people suffering along the way.

Rubbing my closed eyes because rubbing open eyes would hurt obviously, I meandered my way over to the cash register, which was maned by the lovely Sal, a calm, shy faun who was all frazzled up by the shouting of my favorite person in the world. The last time I encountered my favorite person in the world, he ended up slapping me with the strength of a butterfly until I started rolling around on the forest floor laughing my guts out. Which, in turn, caused him to stomp away in a huff.

“Sal! How's my favorite cashier doing and my lovely friend Leo?” I smiled my dazzling dimpled smile that made me look more goofy than usual while slinging an arm over Leo's damp T-shirt giving him a friendly squeeze.

“Went for a quick swim, huh? Welp now you've ruined your lovely shirt. Hope it wasn't expensive,” I smirked at the short goat-man, who on closer inspection was flushed with fury. Eh, self-preservation is for losers and those who get more than three hours of sleep but that's besides the point.

“Al-alright, well other than running into that pole....oh! Did you want to purchase something? Or do you need help looking for a book?” the faun inquired before adjusting his over-sized glasses.

I handed him the book, Naked Lunch, and replied “Nah I got this place mapped out on the back of my hand, just wanted to procure this book.”