Alfie is the host of the show, and resembles a younger Marcus Brigstocke, with his dark hair, blue eyes, glasses, and tall, slim stature. His beard and moustache are clean shaven. He wears a shirt, but no-one can be sure of his lower body, for he never seems to leave the chair. The shirts tend to be in darker, unobtrusive colours.

As host of the show, Alfie has to be fairly serious to control the madness, but he does his best to entertain the audience, and will take potshots at contestants where possible. His personality is hard to truly gauge, as the pressure of being on camera no doubt corrupts his senses.

Very little is known about Alfie or his background prior to the show. Some say he is/was a washed up actor who didn't reaally make the grade, but had a flair for comedy.

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This will be expanded as more is revealed about Alfie.