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━
SAE
queen of stars / 99 / caelestis / nothing manipulation / soon
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☐ │poppies, strawberries
☐ │ felines, oceans, music
☐ │ sleep, swords, lights
☐ │ strong voices, pastures
x
x
☐ │ sunrises, black herons
☐ │ wine, singing, meetings
☐ │ arid areas, honey, cards
☐ │ being taught lessons
i had a thought dear, however scary about that night, the bugs and the dirt
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"I knew that look, dear:
eyes always seeking
was there in someone
that dug long ago."
moral alignment: true neutral
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her youth was punctuated by seaside visits and strawberry meadows, a quiet affair that left her satisfied and bathing in the afterglow of the sun. it was an idyllic childhood stained only by the stern stares and cold lectures about what qualities a princess must possess. she never listened to them. never cared for how often their words would make her feel less than worthless. if not for the small smiles of a summer boy perhaps her life would have been ruined. ruined perhaps in the way she a many of the other rulers have their childhoods ruined — a burden of silence placed upon them like jewelry made of gold. but of course her closest confidant, the boy king, would never let such a thing happen; and in the time between practical lessons and useless history she learned the world to be much more than the castle walls around them.
(the council, and subsequent teachers, were only making up for past mistakes she later learned. their previous take on mentoring a child left their lives less than satisfactory when all was said and done.)
it was said that as a young woman, sae ran down halls barefoot and kissed guards like clockwork, a secret she swore she never to reveal to anyone but to her closest friends. a delightful and charming adult she refrained from interfering in foreign affairs and continued through life without a care for the world. politics were for those who were serious, who didn’t quite know what it meant to see sunshine through the spaces in-between leaves. who could carry a heart full of misery without worry.
(she saw their vacant stares. the way their lips curled when talking to foreign ambassadors. the hushed whispers about strategies abound. it was frightening, walking among ghosts. )
how tragic then should her memories begin to disappear leaving her to wake in strange places with even stranger sensations; as though a part of her had been lost while sleeping.
(she was restless that night. sweat forming on her forehead and her blankets all but thrown to the floor. she was scared, no doubt, but even more than that she was relieved. a person may only exist for so long in a fairytale before suspicion settles in.)
their meeting had been accidental, but inevitable. esther would soon become her personal guard, swearing to protect her life with his. an ideal she supposed he fancied under the ridiculous notation that she had saved his. a fooule.
(she hadn’t realized however that the mere act of creating circe would put events into motion she would never have dreamed of herself. the most terrifying aspect being, she doesn’t even remember doing so.)
decades have gone by, and sae lingers like a ghost that just has too many memories to say goodbye. it’s a morose affair, the way she walks down the halls of her palace without a glance to the sea outside; her head held high and long lost look in her gaze.
she’s forgotten her past, but remembers something kind from then, something important. she’s learned not to chase the feeling anymore, learned that grasping at loose threads of a dream won’t equate to anything more than disappointment. but still it does not stop her from random acts of fragility, of the person people claimed she used to be. a flower behind a guard’s ear, a smile at a joke well placed, her head on the shoulder of a maid. these are things her body remembers, but her mind refuses to do.
(she hates looking in the mirror. a face she doesn’t recognize. a voice she loathes to hear. it’s surreal, to feel like a ghost within her own body.)
far too often she must be saved from leaning too far out of her balcony, or sleeping in tubs with her nose underwater. she thinks of her time in caelestis to be of bitter use. she has no knowledge of war. of leadership. she only knows of what others may tell her to do, and what her power must signify. she is the queen of stars, but not much more than that.
(she doesn’t feel empathy like she used to, doesn’t let her heart bleed until she has no more blood in her veins. she uses her title as a shield from letting anyone outside understand the confusion that lies within. it’s safer that way, and takes much less effort.)
there’s a war now. and at the front of it, her name slips past the crying lips of her people — begging, shouting, to be saved from the cruelty of her former friend. she hasn’t the heart to tell them though that she’s not much better than what has become of king solace. in fact, she’s much worse.
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I. . . . . .
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II. . . . .
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III.
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x
x
In some sad way, I already know