"I second that. Rest, Gregory. We need you at your best tomorrow." She watched him disappear into the bathroom and nodded to Mark. "Loss changes people in a profound way. It makes them into entirely different people, just like that." She snapped her slender fingers, her eyes distant and thoughtful. "I got into the most fights and squabbles right after my mom died. I still have some scars." She smirked mirthlessly, still distracted by a myriad of thoughts and feelings.
Ridahne rose from the bed and stretched slowly, meticulously like it was more of a ritual than satisfying a physical urge, and with all the grace of a swordmaster, she looked like a dancer. A lethal one, but elegant nonetheless. While Mark did pushups on the floor, Ridahne paced a small section of open floorspace with her knife and practiced her sword forms with it. The knife was a sad substitute for a sword, but she couldn't afford to use the larger weapon considering the lack of space. So she occupied herself with this, using it to calm her racing brain and kill some time.
She could hardly believe she was about to go and meet Ajoran. What was she supposed to say? And what would he say? How much had he changed since they'd seen each other? And Ridahne wondered how much she'd changed as well. Probably quite a bit. Her mind showed a torrent of mixed feelings, and it bothered her enough that for once, she spoke out about it. To Mark, of all people.
"I hate to admit it, but I'm...nervous to go. I haven't seen him in so long, I don't even know what I'd say..." She had to remember to speak Azurian with him--she'd been so reliant on English lately. "And.." she stammered, "It's a complicated sort of meeting we're doing. In case you haven't noticed, we aren't really simple people." Ridahne paced. "I probably shouldn't be wearing this if I'm going to go meet with a Taja..." She was talking out loud, mostly to herself now as she looked down at her torn jeans. With practiced skill, Ridahne changed into her uri without ever once showing anything of her legs above the knee--not with Mark around. In the same manner, she changed into a loose fitting black shirt and buckled her back-sheath on underneath it, testing the weight of her sword in her hand before replacing it in the sheath and smoothing her clothes over it. To all but the most practiced eye, it was invisible.
Then Ridahne waited. Paced. Waited.
Darkness came. Ridahne informed Mark quietly that it was time to go, and the two drove off towards the meeting point. About a mile away, she instructed him to pull over and let her out, then told him to wait there for her. "If I'm not back in three hours," she said sternly, "Get out of here and try to find yourselves a new hotel." With that, Ridahne shut the door and disappeared down the street into the amber-lit darkness.
Ridahne felt so sneaky as she ducked out of the way of streetlights and into deeper shadows that the cool night offered. She shivered once and rubbed her hands against her arms, longing deeply for the desert heat of home. She didn't know why, but she felt that she had to be quiet as she moved so as not to attract attention even though her hair was down and shrouding he face a little from any unsuspecting passers-by. Maybe she was nervous. Maybe she felt dirty and guilty for going and finding Ajoran again. Maybe it was a mix of both.
Ridahne stole around a corner, hopped a little fence between two buildings, and padded sofly down a dim alleyway where was was one more corner ahead of her, and then the bridge. Ridahne halted. What would she say? What would he say? The woman straightened her uri and felt for her knife just in case she needed it. How was she supposed to do this? More than once, she tucked her hair behind her ears, only to comb it forward again so it hung at her cheeks. On the one hand, he needed to see her Ojih and if she didn't display it, he would ask to see it anyway. But then again, she couldn't bear to walk up to him and display her shame. Ridahne felt her heart lurch and twist in her chest. What if this was just a trap, and he didn't come?
She had to do this. For her. For the mission. For him. More boldly than she actually felt, Ridahne took a few steps forward and around the corner, then down the gravel bank where a dark figure in billowing clothes stood underneath the concrete arch silhouetted in a wash of sickly green light that did not yet touch either him or her. He turned and she could feel the weight of his Amber eyes on her, searching her. She could not move. The figure came closer and into the light, but he kept approaching. It was him alright, and part of her wanted to cry out in joy to see him in the flesh again. She was silent. Still, he came towards her.
"Ridahne." It was just a whisper, but it felt like a tsunami in her ears. Yes, that voice! It was so good to hear it again. She did not move but instead thought silently to herself, Yes. Say it again. Please. Ridahne felt rough hands on hers that pulled her almost unwillingly and yet lured her closer to him as he guided her into the light. She felt hot with shame. Ajoran looked at her in full light now and immediately dropped his hands away from hers to take a step back. For long, painful seconds, he just looked at her agog and in utter silence. It was then that Ridahne discovered that he did not know what happened to her, but instead he only knew that she was one day gone. His eyes locked onto her Ojih with horror, sadness, and disbelief.
She spoke finally in Azurian. "You didn't know?"
He hesitated, then, "I counted you as dead. I was away on a delivery to some sentries and when I came back, I asked for you the next morning. No one knew where you had gone, but all of your things were left behind, all but your blades. We all thought...Ridahne, what did you do?"
"Don't ask that of me, please," she begged.
"Ridahne! If I was anyone else, I wouldn't ask, but of anyone, I deserve to know." When she did not answer, he pulled out a twisting piece of carved and polished carnelian that formed a little hook at the top that was just the right size to fit through the quarter inch hole in her right earlobe. Ridahne choked back tears at the sight of it. "I held onto this, you know. My brother always said I could give it to someone else, but I couldn't. I made it for you, Ridahne Torzinei. You and nobody else."
"How long have you had this?" Ridahne breathed, struggling for air.
"Six months before you left."
Ridahne flared with anguish suddenly, throwing her fist into his chest. "Why didn't you tell me?" She hit him again. "What were you waiting for?"
"I was offered an apprenticeship with a bladesmith at home. I was going to ask you to come with me after my term was through since yours was about to end too, but then you were offered a higher rank in exchange for the Iroi job and you took it. I didn't want to take that from you, I knew being an Eija was your dream. So I was going to wait until that term was done. Then you left."
Ridahne howled, socking him in the cheek this time. Ajoran stepped back a half step, stunned by the sudden blow. Despite her best efforts, tears streamed down her inked cheeks. "If you had presented this to me when you first made it, I wouldn't have taken the Iroi job and I wouldn't be in this mess! Ajoran, I would have followed you to the ends of the earth! I would have forsaken the sea and the dunes and everything that I knew to follow you!"
A long silence followed, broken only by Ridahne's soft sniffles. Ajoran looked fiercely guilty; neither of them had ever verbally expressed the nature of their relationship so plainly, or at all, really. It was a mutual and unspoken thing that both of them just understood. This fact had given him some comfort after she'd gone, as there was no concrete proof on her end of what could have been. But now there was, and regret tore a him painfully. "Now I have to know," he said quietly.
"Don't--"
"It's my right to know. And I have to know what my mistake put you through."
"The fault was mine. I made my choice."
"Tell me."
Sighing, she relented softly. "In Iroi, we were going after the high general. He'd left because he knew we were coming, and we waited for his return. Khaltira-sol wanted to draw him out, so I was chosen to sneak into his home and assassinate his wife and daughter. I agreed, but I had a wave of panic the night before and I was sick with guilt and fear. I told her no. To her face."
Ajoran gasped. "Ridahne! How were you not executed?"
"I was supposed to be. I was certainly threatened with it, but Khaltira-Sol admired my drive thus far and spared me. But I'm in exile for it. I got what I deserved. Less, really."
"And the second one?" He touched the scab gently, fingers barely skimming as if it would cause him physical pain to touch it more. "That's fresh....what did you do?"
"I was at the rally, Ajoran. I saw you there. A lot of things happened, but I'm...look, can't we just--"
"Ridahne!"
"Alright! I'm working with a few...with two or three IP's."
Ajoran hardened. "Then you might know what happened to Suvian, then?" His tone made her uncomfortable instantly. For a moment, it didn't sound quite like him.
"Who's Suvian?" She was a good liar, even in front of him. But just as she thought, the Taja were furious. She noted this for later.
"Mm. Maybe not then. Still, what are you hoping to gain? I thought you hated them..."
"I do..."
"I thought you used to sabotage their gear when they tried to meddle in Atakhara..."
"I did. But they aren't...they don't even know Azurei and there's something bigger happening here. Don't make this about me, what about you!? Since when do you kill civilians? Kids? Destroy buildings and blow up hundreds of people?"
Ajoran sort of shut down then, hardening into a kind of empty husk of a man, a cold soldier. "I followed my orders. It is not my place to ask questions of my Sota."
"Ajoran!" She pushed him this time, tears stinging her eyes again. "Didn't you ever look back? Didn't you see what you did? That's murder! Mass murder, Ajoran!"
"What was I supposed to do? Abandon everyone I ever knew and defy my Sota? Be executed??"
"I did it."
"Well that's clear, isn't it?" He jabbed, looking to the marks on her face. She went to punch him in the gut, but he caught her wrist this time and gave it a small twist to deter her from trying with her other fist. Ridahne had half a mind to bite his fingers, but she desperately didn't want this to escalate.
"Tell me," she said, her voice cold and her eyes aflame, "do you sleep at night knowing you were a part of this? Does that make you happy? Do you feel like a good soldier? Do you feel honorable?"
He hardened again. "My duty is to my Sota and my Sota-Sol above her. I am her keeper."
"I did not ask Taja'ae'Sota Kai! I asked Ajoran Tezusha! I asked my friend! I asked the man who holds a Ku'o he carved just for me of his district's stone. I answered you because you said you deserved to know. Now it's my turn. Answer me, Ajoran."
He didn't. He didn't say a word and couldn't, really, but he dropped his head low and Ridahne could see his head shake slightly back and forth. That was enough for her. Ridahne knew that duty was a hard thing to defy, but it was more important to her that he felt regret, because then he was human and still the man that she knew. "I'm sorry you had to make that choice. If...if you asked for that apprenticeship again, could you still get it? Retire from being a Taja--honorably--and be a bladesmith back home? Your home?"
Ajoran pondered for a moment, then gave a little nod. "Probably. It wouldn't be what I had in mind though...I didn't want to go alone."
"And if you didn't?"
Ajoran brightened, but it turned to a concerned scowl very quickly. "You'd give a Luora'kahn? You'd make your way back home?"
"Well I'm...I don't...its crossed my mind but... I don't know. With the way things are going, I'm not sure I could. I hate to say it but I kind of like some of the people I work with. Some. They aren't like the ones we saw back home, not so pushy. And if I was asked to kill them...I couldn't do it, Ajoran. Not even the other one I don't like as much. He's annoying but even he doesn't deserve to die. I don't want to kill anymore. I don't want to take orders anymore."
"Mm," was all he said, as he was not allowed to agree with her and yet he somewhat sympathized. Being a Taja was such an honor, but as he discovered in the last few days, it was not an easy job and he knew that it was easy--almost essential--to cut away the part of himself that made him human to make him a better soldier, a better servant. His father was that way, and though he admired and respected his father greatly, the former Taja always was distant with him, and Ajoran remembered a time when he changed quite drastically. This seemed to be the natural progression of his own life, but as he looked into Ridahne's eyes, he felt a pull in his chest to feel again. Just a little.
"Your time abroad changed you, Ridahne. But not much, I hope. Still the heartlander rat I knew? Still picking fights?"
"Master of the rats, thank you. And I did recently get thrown out of a bar for starting a brawl."
She did offer a little smile. It faded for a minute, dissolving into a scowl as she averted her eyes for a bit. She could not escape his gaze, as he sought her out with his own. "Ajoran..." She said quietly, barely above the dull buzz of the weak light overhead. "I am sorry I had to leave you...I am sorry for my disgrace and dishonor. For my betrayal. For everything." She took his hand that held the carnelian Ku'o, still blank where her family crest would have gone. She unfurled his fingers and touched the stone earring, tracing the twisted lines with her fingertip. "When you made this, did you mean it? Did you really make it for me?"
"Aye. I did." He laughed a little. "I forgot how hard it is to carve that, I went through a lot of trouble for you." They both laughed softly then.
"And...would you still give it to me, knowing who I am? I am not pure, Ajoran. I am not all Azurei."
"I knew that when I met you. Wasn't surprised either...I've heard a lot of rumors about Heartlanders being a bit loose with foreigners." Ridahne smiled a bit and slapped his arm; he smiled back at her.
"And that's...and you aren't ashamed of me?"
Ajoran shook his head. "From what I can tell, you are Azurei. Just as much as me. You have that desert fire, you know?" Ridahne had never wanted to hear anything more in her entire life, especially recently. She could feel her eyes sting, but she bit her lip hard to keep from crying again in front of him. She succeeded.
"And would you still give it to me after all that I've done?"
It was here that the conversation soured, and Ridahne felt herself deflate as his face turned dark and regretful. Why did she have to ask? Why couldn't she have bathed herself in the moment instead of grasping for more? Regret clawed at her and disappointment and embarrassment danced wickedly in her chest. Ajoran, too, looked hesitant to answer verbally. But he had to.
"Ridahne..." He touched her tattooed marks gently, a sadness in his eyes. "I would hope and I choose to believe you have not changed too much in the time you've been gone. Some, maybe, but not too much. And if you say you are still master of the heartlander rats, I believe you. But Ridahne..."
No... Ridahne thought.
"You and I both know the laws of our people. I am Taja now, and I must remain so at least until my term is over. I have a promise to fulfill, you know. And we're at war, Ridahne...if we ran into eachother and were not alone, you know what they would make me do, or else someone else would. And as a Taja I just can't...you know how things go. With things as they are right now, Ridahne, I cannot present this to you formally. I would still if I could, but understand please that I just can't..."
Ridahne turned to stone before him. Coldly she said, "I understand." And she did, though her understanding did not help to ease the pain of his words in any way.
"Don't look at me like that, Ridahne--"
"I said I understand," she barked back.
There was silence. Ugly, electric silence that fizzed and sparked between them like a cloud of acid. She would have withdrawn her hand from his, but with his other hand he held it in place. His grip was firm and unmoving. He pressed the carnelian gauge into her hand and closed her thin fingers around it.
"Take this," he said. "I can't present it to you formally, but it was made for you and no other. It wouldn't be right to give it to anyone else. It wouldn't be right for you to wear it, but I want you to have it."
"Why?" She asked icily.
"Because the war will pass, and we don't know the future. Anything can happen. And when the time is right, I'd hope that you think of me again. And I would hope someday to see your marks carved into that stone. I...hope we can see eachother again someday, even though it would be unwise now for us to encounter eachother again right now. But I also want you to have it because there's a chance we won't. We both know how war goes." Ridahne nodded her agreement to that, at least.
The woman hefted the small carved object in her hand; it was so much heavier than her bone one. She never would admit it, but there was once a time when she pictured herself with a stone in her ear of this variety, and she always liked the color. Blood orange like raw iron. She tucked it into a little fold of fabric at her waist that acted like a pocket.
"Thanks," she said a little uncertainly, but she did mean it.
A silence ended the conversation about their personal lives and both knew there was another matter at hand. "The messenger said you had pertinent information relevant to the war effort. What kind of Intel did you find?" He asked at length as he tightened the short ponytail that the long parts of his hair made, high on the back of his head.
"We have reason to believe that the interplanetary federation wanted you to attack."
"I don't understand. We took them by surprise."
"I know you did," she said a little bitterly, but she moved on quickly. "I think they've been provoking Azurei into retaliation as proof that we--you should be kept under control. They're trying to open the door to further conflict so they can take our home from us. And it isn't just us, either. I think more fringe countries like Azurei will answer the call and fight, but if they get involved they'll get destroyed."
"You must have changed indeed if you think they can overrun us. They don't know our home, our sands. We do. We are better warriors than they are anyway."
"Yes, you are, except for the fact that you took innocent lives, but they have things we don't. Bombs that could take out a whole district with one shot from far away. Bam, gone."
"And what would you have us do, let them come?"
"No!" She shook her head. "I understand personally why you all are here and I still agree with your cause. But not your methods. Aside from being dishonorable, it's likely to make the problem worse. You caught them by surprise this time, but next time they'll be ready for you. All eyes are on Azurei now, and soon eyes will turn to the rest of Theta, too. And they will be ready. I am not advising you to stand down, because I don't believe you should. Besides, it's not our way. But I would advise you to change course. You have made your statement, now be more....strategic."
"What are you suggesting exactly?"
"I don't know. You're the soldier. That's for you and your Sota to decide. I don't want more blood on my hands. Just know that I say this out of love for my people and my home, not because I am different now or a traitor. And I wouldn't lie to you."
"Mm..." Ajoran nodded, knowing that much was true. "I can't guarantee anyone will listen."
"I know."
"I don't make the decisions. I may be Taja, but even we have our own ranking and I am not high among them. But consider the information noted," he said, his tone all business.
"Good."
Stillness crept over them again; Ridahne looked long into his eyes and at his Ojih because she knew it wouldn't last long. They both knew what had to happen next.
"If they find out I found you without drawing steel on you..."
"I know. I came ready."
"Of course you did. I would expect nothing less. Besides, I know you were carrying because you stand a little straighter when you have a blade at your back." He took a fighting stance, slowly and elegantly drawing his knife--not a sword. He flipped it a few times as a challenge as she too drew hers.
"Just like old times."
The two walked a half circle around eachother like two boxers in a ring, then with a simultaneous breath, they swung at eachother and parried, the metal ringing in the night. Ridahne called their sparring dancing once, and it was an apt description with how smoothly they moved together. They did make legitimate swings at eachother, but both knew where the other was inked and tactfully avoided those spots. Ridahne gave him a cut on his arm and his thigh above the knee, and he gave her one across her ribs. None of them were particularly deep, but enough to draw significant blood to prove that their fight was well matched and difficult. Ajoran purposely left his stance a little uneven most of the fight, so when she had the opportunity, Ridahne swept her leg across his ankle and brought him to his knees. And in those split seconds, she was gone, springing into the darkness and out of sight or earshot. Ajoran did not pursue, but he watched her go until there was nothing left but the quiet night.
Ridahne returned to Mark and his vehicle, holding her side with one arm and her sword sheathed. Since her shirt was black, no blood could be seen until she got into the car and the little light overhead showed a film of wet red blood on her forearm and hand. The wound was bleeding significantly, but not enough to be worrisome for the present moment. She did not speak to him as she sat, just simply hung her head and let her black curls hang on either side of her face, sticking to her forehead and the beads of sweat accumulated there.
"Can I ask you to stop by a drugstore and get me some bandages? Maybe some alcohol, too. Both kinds," she added quietly as she continued to apply pressure to her midsection. "I don't want to bleed all over the place...or get an infection." Ridahne never once looked up to him, just continued to stare at her knees underneath the folds of her blue uri.
(Woof, that ended up being kind of a novel. Gracious.)
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