Heeelllllloooooooooooooooo everybody, Iām Talk Show Entity and welcome to the show! Today weāve got a great schedule planned for everyone involved. We got a little bit of this, little bit of that, and we got Death Grips later in the night, because thatās the most fitting musical group to close out an interview show involving characters in a romance story!
Our first guest today is one Johnathan Farelliiiiiiii!
āHappy to be here, man.ā Johnny replied as he leaned forward in his chair. As the narration resounded through the studio, the foreigner flinched, suddenly unnerved.
āWhy are you narrating tha-āSo Jay- may I call you Jay?
With hesitation, Johnny nodded.
āWell, yes but that doesnāt-āJay-san, as they say. Do you know what the -san suffix means?
āI honestly have no idea what it means exactly, from a specific definitionā¦ but I know itās like, an honorific type of thing. I know Japanās big on family honor nā all that good shit.āMind your language.
āSorry man. I grew up in the ghetto.ā Johnny held up both hands apologetically. His face suddenly made a puzzled face as he wondered why the narration continued out loud.
All good. It just makes my editorās job harder the more you curse.
āI wouldnāt wanna make a brothaās job harder.āAnyway, weāre here with all the hard questions. How thick are your muscles?
āWhatā¦?ā Johnny Farelli stared at Talk Show Entity, then towards Camera 2, then towards the in-house audience.
āIā¦ I dunno, man. I mean, how do you measure that?āNext question! The foreigner flinched at the sudden outburst by the host. What girl is your type?
āWell, man. thatās a pretty loaded questionā¦ Like, kindness is definitely a must, but I dunno, right now I just feel like girls and guys- theyāre people, theyāre all different. I dunno what a ātypeā really means anymor-āAny you fancy?
The foreigner blushed, obviously an admission that he did fancy someone.
āNo, shut up. Thatās not true.ā The foreigner lied badly.
āThatās not a lie, dude!ā He also lied.
āHey come on man, thatās just not cool.ā He finally told a truth.
āOh for fu-āNEXT QUESTION!! The foreigner once more flinched. Johnny Farelli began to show extreme discomfort even though heās sitting in a $5000 chair- Thatās American dollars too, so itās hella expensive in Japan.
āItās not like thaā¦ Wait, are you seriou-ā The foreigner was about to stand up so as not to soil such an expensive chair with his low-born, Well-toned body, as well as his somewhat sweaty gymnasium clothing- which he had worn to the interview.
Johnathan āJayā Farelli, time for an actual question brought up by our fine audience in the studio tonightā¦ Uhā¦ Jay?
Johnny Farelli was looking up, towards the other stages where other interviews are happening.
āYo whatās happening with that cutie with the purple hair up there? She looks like sheās... hyperventilatin' or somethinā. Is she alright?āDonāt mind Misaki, Jay.
āI dunno man, those eyes look bloodshot to hell. If thatās some nasty shit, I gotta help-āSheās just thirsty. Just answer the question, Jay.
āThirstyā¦? What the hell does thatā¦ā Johnny grimaced as he strained to figure out what that meant. Like a meat-head, he decides to continue without incident.
āMan what was the question agaiā¦ Wait, what did you call me?āJohnny Farelli, youāre stranded on a deserted island. Pick one classmate to be stuck with you, pick another to try and save you.ā... That's... a pretty good question.ā Johnny pondered the idea. He appeared to be rubbing two brain cells together at least. With an unamused glare towards Talk Show Entity, the foreigner finally responds.
āIāve done some wood chopping for Larsā folks whenever they got a bonfire goinā. Weird thing to do in Cali, but it was fun to chill with the Boyz. I think whoever Iād pick to be on the island would have to be someone who can do what I canāt for survival.āYouāre thinking on this too much, Mr. Farelli. I thought you were supposed to be dumb muscle.
āWell, I passed that entrance exam, didnāt I? Shi- I mean- the exam was pretty hard, man.ā The foreigner smirked,
āAnyway, I think Iād probably bring Bishop. Dudeās a hell of a swimmer. Together, weād be able to catch as much fish as we need. As for the rescuing partyā¦ I dunno, maybe the police or something? Thereās people who make that sort of thing their jobs.āThen imagine one of your classmates as a rescue worker.
āFair ānuff, alright. In that case, itād have to be someone weād both be happy to seeā¦ whoās also a pretty tough cookie in order to work hard to find us. Iām thinkinā Rhys-san or Fuyu-chan in that case.āWell thatās about enough time we have for today. Johnny, do you have any questions for your classmates?
āUhā¦ I dunno man, if I had questions for my classmates, Iād likeā¦ ask them myself, ya know? Why even have the middle-man here?āBecause itās fun. And since youāre no fun-
āHey!āIām going to ask the questions myself! Gonna roll the dice to pick our three lucky winners! Aaaaand our lucky winners aaaaaareā¦ Sora, Cassiopeia, and Yuuki!
āSo do I get to head off now? Boss wants me in to help with some heavy forging.āOh youāre still here? Get the hell outta here!
āUhā¦ sureā¦ā As the foreigner stepped off-stage, he muttered,
āWhatās the word Gen-chan told me aboutā¦? Baka? I think thatās the wordā¦āMan, I thought that idiot would never leave. Anyway, the questions!
Sora: Whoās the best-looking guy in the roster, in your eyes?
Cassiopeia: Whoās your type?
Yuuki: Soooooo, you and Sora, eh? Eeeeh? Sora and you? Or maybe Rocco? You got yourself a bit of a triangle, doncha?
āWhat kind of questions are those, dude?ā Oh damn, the foreigner came back.
āCome on, try a different question, you crazy man- trying to match-make every person you come along- giving them no time to be themselves and stuff. It aināt romantic or anything. Why are you like this, dude?āIām like this because itās fun! The foreigner stared in silent judgement. Oh fine, fine.
Yuuki: Have you ever done cosplay outside the Halloween dance? If not, are there any cosplays you wanted to wear in the future?
Aaaaaand as promised, folks,
Death Grips! Isnāt this so fitting for our wonderful, light-hearted show? Thanks for watching!
(Talk Show Entity was subsequently fired three days after the publishing of this interview. Johnny Farelli was compensated for libel, which he later donated to charity.)