The Golden Triangle
The Golden Triangle is essentially Batteridge's main streets and shopping districts. Within it's streets we have-
Bittersweet
A popular coffee-shop owned by a rather wishy-washy couple Mike and Janice Appleby. It's said they were musicians in the 60's, but no one cares. They brew their own - may I say- delicious coffee. It's a well-known fact that any resident of Batteridge would rather go to Bittersweet than Starbucks any day, which is why there is none in the town. For those who don't like coffee they have traditional English tea, Oolong green tea from China, and a variety of milkshakes, lemonades and hot-chocolates. The vintage flair brings nostalgia to most, making Bittersweet very popular in Batteridge.
Fairchild’s Nirvana Bookstore
Ah, the local bookstore, Fairchild’s Nirvana, owned by the loveliest escapist on the street, Gwenette Fairchild. The bookstore has been in her family for generations, and it’s one of Batteridge’s favorite local businesses, as well as the most frequented seeing as you can find a book on just about anything in the world. She also has newspapers dating back to the earliest days of Batteridge (Then it was named Batter’s Ridge, changed in 1890 when they decided it sounded a bit, well, stupid.) as well as town records like marriages, birth and death certificates and the like. Don’t forget that she holds Poetry Readings every Friday at 8pm, and Children’s story time is 2pm on a Sunday.
Chicago
“It’s just a noisy hall where there’s a nightly brawl and all… that … jazz” – Chicago is a 1920’s themed nightclub, but no, sadly no one wears zoot suits and flapper dresses. Songs from and inspired by the era are remixed to fit the current era. It’s the hotspot right now, so be prepared for a line. The Great Gatsby helped with it’s cool-factor. And the soundtrack is about 80 percent of what they play now. With a pool complete with a V.I.P Grotto lounge and cabana bar, it’s hard to resist the allure of Chicago on a Saturday night.
Bindle’s Burgers
The prime hangout for kids of all ages, Bindle’s Burgers is often brimming with customers. Not only does Bindle’s Burgers boast the best buffalo burger in the entire Colorado area (subjective, of course), but it’s also home to one of the best arcades in town (complete with chalkboard walls, often graced with profanity) A cheap and easy meal fit for a king. Kids can come here for lunch if its near enough to their school.
Scoop o' Love
Perfect for any first date, celebrating an anniversary, or just someone looking for a cool treat, this romance themed parlor is ready to “scoop” you up with the best flavors of all time. Perfect for those hot summer days, their Liquid Love Milkshake now serves a variety of flavors to suit any taste buds, from banana-strawberry, to Cotton Candy, to Chocolate-Peanut Butter! Now serving toppings for just an extra $0.50, these iced milkshakes are sure to cool you off and make any bad day great and any good day better. Come sit at one of the many comfy “love seats” and share somethin', you crazy love birds!
Olympia Mall
The only mall in Batteridge and the surrounding area, Olympia is home to shops like Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, Apple, Hot Topic, Sephora, Macy's, and other big brand names. The food court includes Chipotle, McDonalds, K.F.C, T.G.I Fridays, the Outback Steak House and Panda Express. It's a popular place to spend weekends and meet up with friends. There is an ice rink nestled in the mall, where the Batteridge Figure Skating Club and Batteridge Battlers Hockey club practice. There is a yearly Christmas Ice Disco which a lot of the town attends, and a yearly Christmas Ice Skating Show (This year it's the play 'Chicago') which everyone attends. Be there or be irrelevant.
Magic & Mayhem Comic Book Emporium
Looking for adventure, mystery, excitement? This store can give you all that and more with comics, graphic novels, toys, and t-shirts of all your favorite characters! Open from 10am-10 pm with games, competitions and role-playing events hosted every Friday and Saturday, Magic and Mayhem is sure to bring the excitement back into your life. The store has some to die for collectibles and movie props, if you're prepared to dish out some cash.
Richmond Estates
Richmond is kind of your average leafyneighbourhood, really. It’s probably the greenest, flattest place in Batteridge. Within it’s streets is-
Batters Bar
Springfield has Moe’s, Quahog has The Clam, and Batteridge has Batters. Batters is your workers bar, where you can relax, play some darts, talk with buddies, and try some of the famous Richmond Malt. Quizzes are on Saturday Nights, and Ladies Night is every Thursday on the first week of each month.
Batteridge Park
A vast, open park that most residents walk, jog, run, walk their dogs or meet in. There’s a play-park to the south. All festivals are held here- including the New Years Celebration, 4th of July Fireworks, Fairground, Cultural festival and Halloween Spook-Walk!
Absinthe Community Pool
While a great place to lounge and shoot the breeze with your fellow Batteridge, we do suggest that if you swim in the Absinthe Community Pool, or the ACP, that you take extreme precautions. Do not ingest the water. Please do not pee either, as it turns the entire pool a funny red color and that confuses the tourists into thinking that we swim in blood, and while campy… it is erroneous and misleading.
Park Square
A gated community full of the richest in town, including billionaire Cooper Roscoe, Park Square is filled with beautiful mansions and manors. It’s residents are always the talk of the town, and sometimes the butt of teenager’s jokes. It’s a popular dare to try and break into Park Square.
First Church of Batteridge
One of the only churches in Batteridge, this place is very packed on Sundays. The minister, Rev. Lewis is from Central Scotland, around the outskirts of Glasgow. The church conducts funerals and weddings regularly. Come and admire the beautiful stained glass windows and baroque French-inspired exterior of the church. The church was built around the early 1700's, when Batteridge was beginning to grow more populated
Beth Israel Synagogue
Shalom! Welcome the the Beth Israel Synagogue. See the architecture inspired by the temples of Israel before your very own eyes. The Beth Israel Synagogue is the only Synagogue in the area. There is a large Jewish community in Batteridge, meaning the Synagogue is large as well.
Little Italy
Bonjourno, bella! Welcome to Little Italy! An Immigrant-oriented area of Batteridge. Within it’s streets is-
Joey’s Pizza and Diner
Big or small, tall or wide Joey’s Diner takes them all. It doesn’t matter who or what you are, so long as you’ve got the cash to pay the bill. Joey’s Pizza is a town favourite, and rightly so. The food’s homemade, the prices perfect, and the service staff is quick and eager to please.
DiAngelo Auto Repair
Car sputtering? Tires gone a little flat? No worries. Over at DiAngelo Auto Repair they can fix that right up and in less than a day too! They pride themselves on their hard work and their skill. Not a single mechanic there hasn’t been put through rigorous training. Only the best and brightest are allowed to work there.
Sicilia Bakery
A tiny little bakery that is nestled just in the middle of main street where the smells of fresh baked cookies and delicate macaroons can be smelled day in and day out. Everyone in Batteridge recognizes Sicilia’s little pink boxes with the small black label neatly stuck onto their lids. Sicilia is it’s pride and joy. The bakery offers gourmet cupcakes, specialty desserts, and delicious homemade pies.
The Outlying
The Loch
With its blue bubbling waters and sunlight inducing comas, you may find yourself staring into the beauty that is Loch Pine, if you can find it, is located just outside of town, directly opposite of the swamps. Lake Pine was caught in a dispute between the mermaids and the sirens. We do not speak of this, as we wish to keep our heads. But you will find the loveliest of Cabin Resorts along the shore.
La Rue Morgue
They speak of a witch who looks over the dead. They speak of a demon who takes souls. They speak of a stealer of hearts, and everyone who walks by shivers a little and lowers their eyes. La Rue Morgue, Batteridge's local Morgue and Funeral Home, is a place few people visit voluntarily. But if they did, they’d find Nadia Irvine, a beautiful young woman with a peculiar disposition. And they’d leave just a slight bit more at peace with life.
100 Hectare Woods
The 100 Hectare Woods isn’t full of small talking creatures that teach children lessons of morality and have incredible adventures, it is a dark and terrifying place made home to all the various scratchy and bitey creatures of the night. Only the brave and reckless humans venture inside, as they are faced with Skogsrån right away, at least most are. The Skogsrån keep out the creatures and beings who want to harm the woods or the creatures that reside inside, but hunters have found a secret way in that these ladies do not know of as it is human made. In these woods, all creatures and humans alike roam around and find places to reside or hide. It’s a confusing and quixotic place as there are no signs to help you if you are lost and the trees and various shrubbery change shapes, places, and colors every hour. Do not step inside the woods unless you have a quick mind or a camera, as you will got lost quick immediately and lose yourself and your life soon after.
Housing in Batteridge
Main St. Business Apartments
Main St. Business Apartments hang over above the businesses on Main Street. They are well furnished, brick apartments that are cozy in size and mood, where the business owners all reside. It is a small community of business types, all whom interact with each other and sometimes compete.
Gothic Suburbia
Gothic Suburbia is where all the families in Batteridge live, mostly for the view, seeing as the houses—who all have a strictly gothic, steampunk feel about them… not that they’re old, no they were created by one of those hipster Faerie architects, they’re chock full of pretentious ideas. Anyways, back to the view, the houses have a lovely view over the hills looking down at the crashing waves of the ocean. Meaning the residents are minutes away from the beach, how much better could it get? You’re right, I spoke too soon, because I forgot to mention the curse of zombies the Faerie ironically cast on the suburbs, something about social justice and it being a study of human nature, who knows… anyways, just watch out… they don’t really do much but they have on occasion been known to take a few chunks out of a stray brain.
Harper Lee Terrace
Harper Lee Terrace is the EHU campus apartments, hosting the older and more experienced students. You can find multiple locks on the front door and bars on the windows, they’re quite prepared for anything. They’re not foreign to a smashing entrance from Cotton Eye Joe or a douse of faerie dust shot in through an open window causing the residents to all shrink down into smaller sizes, usually about five inches tall, man was that an interesting and life-threatening day…
Richmond Studio Apartments
Richmond Studio Apartments host the middle class residents that are usually in their twenties and thirties, they’re affordable and far enough away from the swamp and the lake that they are relatively safe. I mean, except for the fact that it was built on a burial ground and sometimes the whole building goes a bit haywire, but hey… every place has its downfalls. This one just is a bit more… spooky.
Pinesyde Resorts
Pinesyde Resorts, owned by the dashing Lee Isaacs and his niece/daughter Sarai Isaacs, are home to the nicer cabins in town, i.e. they have not been attacked by alligators or overrun by squatters. While there was a dispute over the Lake between the Sea Babes and The Shipwreckers, the Isaacs family were able to work it out and live a happy and dangerous life on the edge of the lake. Only the brave of heart and mind dare live in these cabins, or anyone that the Mermaids have taken a liking to.
The Stilts
In the 70’s, during the height of the cults around Batteridge, The Stilts were occupied by a cult that never really took off. And so for years, they were abandoned, hurricane destroyed houses out on Loch Pine. Children used to dare their friends to walk the wooden bridges connecting each small house, waiting for the boards to fall underneath them. Now, a group of mysterious boys in a gang called The Navy Seals live out there, and they broke down the bridge that connected those old houses to the water. They swim to shore instead, and only allow a select few up the stairs leading up to those decks. It’s their “treehouse”, their clubhouse, and no one is allowed without an invitation.
The Industrial Estate
Businesses, offices, etcetera. This is maybe where your parents work. Who knows. Within the estate we have-
Roscoe Nuclear Plant
Ever wondered why Batteridge was so populous? Here’s your answer. Half the people you know work here. For most of them it’s the reason they, or their parents or their grandparents moved here. The Roscoe Plant (as most call it) is a bit outside of Batteridge, near the Western Hills, but there’s a tri-hourly bus to and from the plant. The Roscoe Plant is kind of infamous from a near-disaster that occurred only a few years after Chernobyl in Summer 1989 that nearly wiped out the whole of Batteridge (and Denver!). Most residents are wary of the plant because of this. Some regularly protest that it should be shut down. Owned by billionaire tycoon Cooper Roscoe, the plant is a sight to behold.
Lockheed-Martin
The popular weapons-maker has a branch here in Batteridge, it’s fairly small, only producing smaller weapons so they can easily be transported to Denver.
Le Feu
Le Feu- or "The Fire", in French- is the place your parents wouldn't let you go- it's pretty sleazy- or at least as 'sleazy' as Batteridge can get. Within it's streets we have-
Graffiti Corner
Graffiti Corner is home to the seediest of people in town, including the artists and the dealers. You never know what’s going down at Grafitti Corner because something else is always going on at the same time, so you do get a bit mixed up. Was that a drug deal or did they just exchange art supplies. Is that kid drinking alcohol out of a bag, or the elixir of life from Hoodoo Voodoo. It’s a curious place, these lofts… I wouldn’t go here unless you’re ready to get down and dirty, and that’s not always regarding finger paints.
Club Dionysus
Club Dionysus, very true to its namesake, is where you go to have a great gay ol’ time. Literally. It’s a drag gay bar meant to rid you of all your inhibitions. Dance, drink, love. It’s never up to you how the night will end at Club D. It’s like a game of Russian—or more fitting Greek—Roulette, you never know what you’re going to get.
Fever
Fever is your quintessential strip club. It's the sleaziest place in the sleaziest neighbourhood, and is condemned by the religious in the town- which is most of the population. Everyone condemns it, but somehow still go to the damn place. In it you'll find some older looking kids from Batteridge High who were greasy enough to get in, tired businessmen and some Average Joes. But remember what the slogan says- what happens in Fever, stays in Fever.
Devil Motel
This is the place where everyone that is not a permanent resident (or so they think) of Batteridge lives. From the outside, this building doesn’t look like it has too many rooms. However, no matter how many people check in, there always seems to be a vacancy. Even if their No Vacancy sign is lit.
Red Light Burlesque
Perverts, stay away. If you want to see naked girls, go to Fever. Now, if you want to see girls that are virtual goddesses on Earth, stay at the Red Light Burlesque. Run by Maria Santos, who spent months trying to get her anything but humble cabaret off the ground only to face opposition by the town members, Red Light Burlesque hires only the most beautiful and confident women for their shows. Rather than showing off their bodies for money to thirsty men, performers here show off their bodies and perform out of art and empowerment. No disrespect to the lovely strippers, of course. But here, the female form is worshiped, and feathers dance around your head as beautiful women laugh and perform. Dita Von Teese wished she worked here.
Hoodoo Voodoo
The local Magick/Voodoo shop, Hoodoo Voodoo, is where you’ll find the mysterious and illustrious John Doe, the owner of said shop. He’ll help you find whatever you need, whether it be chicken legs or the head of a mermaid—2 for $40 on Tuesdays—wow what a deal! The shop may or may not let you go when you want to leave, it’s been known to grow attachments, so beware and try not to lead it on…
Tara Heights
We do have a lower class in Batteridge and they can be found in Tara Heights. It is not any old project. Remove that word from your vocabulary immediately when you look at Tara Heights. Tara Heights is simply Tara Heights, a community that doesn't have as much as the other folks here, but still has a roof and four walls. Four Walls was almost what it was named, but Tara Heights sounded more dignified. Further away from town, nestled in a corner of Le Feu, Tara Heights does have it’s own charm in it’s….tranquility from the hustle and bustle, even if it means the residents—who often don’t have cars and can’t afford the bus on a bad day—take close to an hour to commute to their jobs in town. Here, people are so densely packed that everyone knows their neighbor. Hell, you may even share a room with your neighbor. If you have only a dollar to your name you most likely reside here.
The Market
Inspired by the Voodoo Markets of Togo, The Market is filled with all sorts of illegal delights. Swords, skulls and mythological animals. It is hidden in the alley behind Hoodoo Voodoo. Narc and you may find yourself in extremely unfortunate circumstances.
The Old Town
The Batteridge Old Town is (mostly) uninhabited and the town council have tried to get it closed up, but the old residents of Batteridge cling on to the place like they cling on to their walking sticks. Within it's street we have-
Gallow Knolls
Gallow Knolls, perpetually shrouded with mist, is no doubt the worst place to be at night, aside from St. Bernie's of course (But why would you want to be anywhere near the old town at night?). In short, it's where they hung who they deemed as criminals, and the gallows still lie at the top of the hill. The looming shadow of St. Bernadette's sits at the foot of the hill,
Sinkhole Swamp
Sinkhole Swamp is located just outside of Gallow Knolls in the thick woods of Colorado overlooking the mountains, and yes, with a name like Sinkhole, one would expect for it to be…messy. The area is covered in a cozy and threatening blanket of trees and a nice body of water. Just don’t try and take a dip, because you may find yourself without legs.
St. Bernadette's Asylum
Deep in the Old Town, just behind the mine, lies a dilapidated building with turrets that could almost belong on castle- but what lies within is nothing of grace or royalty. St. Bernadette's was a mental asylum in the 19th century and early 20th, before being closed in 1922 for unknown reasons. The main doctor- Anders Hippolyta, was rumored to be very experimental in his treatments- the infamous fire and rain treatment, euthanasia,intentional disease infection, sterelization, and more. Bernadette's give's most in town an odd, eerie feeling of dread, especially teenagers. It's normal to hear students in Batteridge High talking about and making rumors about St. Bernadettes, or making plans to break in that they never quite follow...
Golden River Mine
The Golden River Mine once belonged to the Roscoe family, but is now abandoned. It is said that deep below the coal and dust of the mine lies a river of pure gold, but of course no one believes this. However, some believe that the mine still has expanses of gold. But obviously no one wants to go down and find out, ever since the accident...
Ephraim's Hollow
Many visitors ask, who is Ephraim? There is no Ephraim. Local legend has a few ideas, but all who are familiar with Batteridge's history know better. The little town, after all, has been around for decades, and is one of the oldest places in town. Many say it’s the oldest place in Colorado, once inhabited by Native Americans as a settlement- and we're actually sort of inclined to believe them. The town, dusty and wooden, is almost like an old-west type town - but much creepier.
Redneck Road/Texastown
Redneck Road is the only way to go to south of Batteridge and to the Old Town, so you better be memorizing it, because it's a maze and any time spent in the Old Town will be short. Named Redneck Road because of the delightful trailer park, motel and gas station whose inhabitants are, well, rednecks. That isn't an insult around these parts, it's actually a compliment. When you're in Redneck Road it's almost like being transported to the saccharine forests of the deep south, which is why it's other name is Texastown. Infamous because of a few... events. Namely, the Bell Family Cannibals of '29.
Westley Hotel
Made famous by a movie shot here... no one quite knows the title, but it was Quentin Tarantino, the Westley Hotel was built in 1909. It has 100 rooms. Many believe the hotel to be haunted — of particularly high-spook factor seems to be the ballroom. Personally, I don't think it's haunted but I really wouldn't piss off the caretaker... he seems a bit unhinged.
Batteridge Schools
Batteridge High School
Ah, old Batteridge High School. In the 80s, Batteridge (pictured above) was formed when two rival schools merged into what is now just Batteridge High. It's an large school with around 3,500+ pupils, because of the fact it's the only High school for miles and miles. Classes range from Maths and English, to Phys. Ed and Biology, to classes like Psychology, Women's studies and even the Chinese Mandarin Language. It's a pretty crazy environment. Bullying is terrible, and Athletes are exempt from basically anything they do. No wonder a lot of the teens in Batteridge are messed up.
West Hills Elementary and Middle School
A bit too near to the Roscoe Nuclear Plant for most people’s liking, West Hills Elementary is somehow the largest Elementary school in Batteridge, with 700 students in elementary at the moment- and including the 700 middle school students it’s number is around 1,400. Most nuclear power plant worker’s kids attend West Hills.
East Hills Elementary & Junior High
A ‘rival school’ to West Hills, East Hills is perhaps the best Elementary school in Batteridge. It has about 500 students, most of which are extremely gifted. It’s situated on the brink of East Hills Forest, a scenic view.
Little Angels Elementary
An private elementary school, Little Angel’s is nearer to the neighbouring town of Jameston, but the kids end up always going to middle schools in Batteridge, since there is none in Jameston. It probably has better resources than public schools, but some think Little Angels is too much money for what it’s worth.
Lochside Elementary
Lochside Elementary sits right next to, yes, Loch Pine. ‘Loch’ the Scottish word for ‘Lake’ was used by Scottish settlers in Batteridge and has basically stuck. The Fairfax kids attended Lochside in their prime. It's a fairly small school, with only 200 students. The children often play by the Loch at recess, but since a particular incident, always have to be facilitated.
East Hills University
One of the best- but most exclusive- colleges in the West, East Hills has a minuscule 8% acceptance rate. Walk around campus if you want to be surrounded by extremely smart people. Plus, it has some nice outlying cafés and such. Another reason why people move to Batteridge- East Hills University. The building itself is one of the most beautiful in Batteridge- some call it 'Hogwarts'
The Golden Triangle is essentially Batteridge's main streets and shopping districts. Within it's streets we have-
Bittersweet
A popular coffee-shop owned by a rather wishy-washy couple Mike and Janice Appleby. It's said they were musicians in the 60's, but no one cares. They brew their own - may I say- delicious coffee. It's a well-known fact that any resident of Batteridge would rather go to Bittersweet than Starbucks any day, which is why there is none in the town. For those who don't like coffee they have traditional English tea, Oolong green tea from China, and a variety of milkshakes, lemonades and hot-chocolates. The vintage flair brings nostalgia to most, making Bittersweet very popular in Batteridge.
Fairchild’s Nirvana Bookstore
Ah, the local bookstore, Fairchild’s Nirvana, owned by the loveliest escapist on the street, Gwenette Fairchild. The bookstore has been in her family for generations, and it’s one of Batteridge’s favorite local businesses, as well as the most frequented seeing as you can find a book on just about anything in the world. She also has newspapers dating back to the earliest days of Batteridge (Then it was named Batter’s Ridge, changed in 1890 when they decided it sounded a bit, well, stupid.) as well as town records like marriages, birth and death certificates and the like. Don’t forget that she holds Poetry Readings every Friday at 8pm, and Children’s story time is 2pm on a Sunday.
Chicago
“It’s just a noisy hall where there’s a nightly brawl and all… that … jazz” – Chicago is a 1920’s themed nightclub, but no, sadly no one wears zoot suits and flapper dresses. Songs from and inspired by the era are remixed to fit the current era. It’s the hotspot right now, so be prepared for a line. The Great Gatsby helped with it’s cool-factor. And the soundtrack is about 80 percent of what they play now. With a pool complete with a V.I.P Grotto lounge and cabana bar, it’s hard to resist the allure of Chicago on a Saturday night.
Bindle’s Burgers
The prime hangout for kids of all ages, Bindle’s Burgers is often brimming with customers. Not only does Bindle’s Burgers boast the best buffalo burger in the entire Colorado area (subjective, of course), but it’s also home to one of the best arcades in town (complete with chalkboard walls, often graced with profanity) A cheap and easy meal fit for a king. Kids can come here for lunch if its near enough to their school.
Scoop o' Love
Perfect for any first date, celebrating an anniversary, or just someone looking for a cool treat, this romance themed parlor is ready to “scoop” you up with the best flavors of all time. Perfect for those hot summer days, their Liquid Love Milkshake now serves a variety of flavors to suit any taste buds, from banana-strawberry, to Cotton Candy, to Chocolate-Peanut Butter! Now serving toppings for just an extra $0.50, these iced milkshakes are sure to cool you off and make any bad day great and any good day better. Come sit at one of the many comfy “love seats” and share somethin', you crazy love birds!
Olympia Mall
The only mall in Batteridge and the surrounding area, Olympia is home to shops like Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, Apple, Hot Topic, Sephora, Macy's, and other big brand names. The food court includes Chipotle, McDonalds, K.F.C, T.G.I Fridays, the Outback Steak House and Panda Express. It's a popular place to spend weekends and meet up with friends. There is an ice rink nestled in the mall, where the Batteridge Figure Skating Club and Batteridge Battlers Hockey club practice. There is a yearly Christmas Ice Disco which a lot of the town attends, and a yearly Christmas Ice Skating Show (This year it's the play 'Chicago') which everyone attends. Be there or be irrelevant.
Magic & Mayhem Comic Book Emporium
Looking for adventure, mystery, excitement? This store can give you all that and more with comics, graphic novels, toys, and t-shirts of all your favorite characters! Open from 10am-10 pm with games, competitions and role-playing events hosted every Friday and Saturday, Magic and Mayhem is sure to bring the excitement back into your life. The store has some to die for collectibles and movie props, if you're prepared to dish out some cash.
Richmond Estates
Richmond is kind of your average leafyneighbourhood, really. It’s probably the greenest, flattest place in Batteridge. Within it’s streets is-
Batters Bar
Springfield has Moe’s, Quahog has The Clam, and Batteridge has Batters. Batters is your workers bar, where you can relax, play some darts, talk with buddies, and try some of the famous Richmond Malt. Quizzes are on Saturday Nights, and Ladies Night is every Thursday on the first week of each month.
Batteridge Park
A vast, open park that most residents walk, jog, run, walk their dogs or meet in. There’s a play-park to the south. All festivals are held here- including the New Years Celebration, 4th of July Fireworks, Fairground, Cultural festival and Halloween Spook-Walk!
Absinthe Community Pool
While a great place to lounge and shoot the breeze with your fellow Batteridge, we do suggest that if you swim in the Absinthe Community Pool, or the ACP, that you take extreme precautions. Do not ingest the water. Please do not pee either, as it turns the entire pool a funny red color and that confuses the tourists into thinking that we swim in blood, and while campy… it is erroneous and misleading.
Park Square
A gated community full of the richest in town, including billionaire Cooper Roscoe, Park Square is filled with beautiful mansions and manors. It’s residents are always the talk of the town, and sometimes the butt of teenager’s jokes. It’s a popular dare to try and break into Park Square.
First Church of Batteridge
One of the only churches in Batteridge, this place is very packed on Sundays. The minister, Rev. Lewis is from Central Scotland, around the outskirts of Glasgow. The church conducts funerals and weddings regularly. Come and admire the beautiful stained glass windows and baroque French-inspired exterior of the church. The church was built around the early 1700's, when Batteridge was beginning to grow more populated
Beth Israel Synagogue
Shalom! Welcome the the Beth Israel Synagogue. See the architecture inspired by the temples of Israel before your very own eyes. The Beth Israel Synagogue is the only Synagogue in the area. There is a large Jewish community in Batteridge, meaning the Synagogue is large as well.
Little Italy
Bonjourno, bella! Welcome to Little Italy! An Immigrant-oriented area of Batteridge. Within it’s streets is-
Joey’s Pizza and Diner
Big or small, tall or wide Joey’s Diner takes them all. It doesn’t matter who or what you are, so long as you’ve got the cash to pay the bill. Joey’s Pizza is a town favourite, and rightly so. The food’s homemade, the prices perfect, and the service staff is quick and eager to please.
DiAngelo Auto Repair
Car sputtering? Tires gone a little flat? No worries. Over at DiAngelo Auto Repair they can fix that right up and in less than a day too! They pride themselves on their hard work and their skill. Not a single mechanic there hasn’t been put through rigorous training. Only the best and brightest are allowed to work there.
Sicilia Bakery
A tiny little bakery that is nestled just in the middle of main street where the smells of fresh baked cookies and delicate macaroons can be smelled day in and day out. Everyone in Batteridge recognizes Sicilia’s little pink boxes with the small black label neatly stuck onto their lids. Sicilia is it’s pride and joy. The bakery offers gourmet cupcakes, specialty desserts, and delicious homemade pies.
The Outlying
The Loch
With its blue bubbling waters and sunlight inducing comas, you may find yourself staring into the beauty that is Loch Pine, if you can find it, is located just outside of town, directly opposite of the swamps. Lake Pine was caught in a dispute between the mermaids and the sirens. We do not speak of this, as we wish to keep our heads. But you will find the loveliest of Cabin Resorts along the shore.
La Rue Morgue
They speak of a witch who looks over the dead. They speak of a demon who takes souls. They speak of a stealer of hearts, and everyone who walks by shivers a little and lowers their eyes. La Rue Morgue, Batteridge's local Morgue and Funeral Home, is a place few people visit voluntarily. But if they did, they’d find Nadia Irvine, a beautiful young woman with a peculiar disposition. And they’d leave just a slight bit more at peace with life.
100 Hectare Woods
The 100 Hectare Woods isn’t full of small talking creatures that teach children lessons of morality and have incredible adventures, it is a dark and terrifying place made home to all the various scratchy and bitey creatures of the night. Only the brave and reckless humans venture inside, as they are faced with Skogsrån right away, at least most are. The Skogsrån keep out the creatures and beings who want to harm the woods or the creatures that reside inside, but hunters have found a secret way in that these ladies do not know of as it is human made. In these woods, all creatures and humans alike roam around and find places to reside or hide. It’s a confusing and quixotic place as there are no signs to help you if you are lost and the trees and various shrubbery change shapes, places, and colors every hour. Do not step inside the woods unless you have a quick mind or a camera, as you will got lost quick immediately and lose yourself and your life soon after.
Housing in Batteridge
Main St. Business Apartments
Main St. Business Apartments hang over above the businesses on Main Street. They are well furnished, brick apartments that are cozy in size and mood, where the business owners all reside. It is a small community of business types, all whom interact with each other and sometimes compete.
Gothic Suburbia
Gothic Suburbia is where all the families in Batteridge live, mostly for the view, seeing as the houses—who all have a strictly gothic, steampunk feel about them… not that they’re old, no they were created by one of those hipster Faerie architects, they’re chock full of pretentious ideas. Anyways, back to the view, the houses have a lovely view over the hills looking down at the crashing waves of the ocean. Meaning the residents are minutes away from the beach, how much better could it get? You’re right, I spoke too soon, because I forgot to mention the curse of zombies the Faerie ironically cast on the suburbs, something about social justice and it being a study of human nature, who knows… anyways, just watch out… they don’t really do much but they have on occasion been known to take a few chunks out of a stray brain.
Harper Lee Terrace
Harper Lee Terrace is the EHU campus apartments, hosting the older and more experienced students. You can find multiple locks on the front door and bars on the windows, they’re quite prepared for anything. They’re not foreign to a smashing entrance from Cotton Eye Joe or a douse of faerie dust shot in through an open window causing the residents to all shrink down into smaller sizes, usually about five inches tall, man was that an interesting and life-threatening day…
Richmond Studio Apartments
Richmond Studio Apartments host the middle class residents that are usually in their twenties and thirties, they’re affordable and far enough away from the swamp and the lake that they are relatively safe. I mean, except for the fact that it was built on a burial ground and sometimes the whole building goes a bit haywire, but hey… every place has its downfalls. This one just is a bit more… spooky.
Pinesyde Resorts
Pinesyde Resorts, owned by the dashing Lee Isaacs and his niece/daughter Sarai Isaacs, are home to the nicer cabins in town, i.e. they have not been attacked by alligators or overrun by squatters. While there was a dispute over the Lake between the Sea Babes and The Shipwreckers, the Isaacs family were able to work it out and live a happy and dangerous life on the edge of the lake. Only the brave of heart and mind dare live in these cabins, or anyone that the Mermaids have taken a liking to.
The Stilts
In the 70’s, during the height of the cults around Batteridge, The Stilts were occupied by a cult that never really took off. And so for years, they were abandoned, hurricane destroyed houses out on Loch Pine. Children used to dare their friends to walk the wooden bridges connecting each small house, waiting for the boards to fall underneath them. Now, a group of mysterious boys in a gang called The Navy Seals live out there, and they broke down the bridge that connected those old houses to the water. They swim to shore instead, and only allow a select few up the stairs leading up to those decks. It’s their “treehouse”, their clubhouse, and no one is allowed without an invitation.
The Industrial Estate
Businesses, offices, etcetera. This is maybe where your parents work. Who knows. Within the estate we have-
Roscoe Nuclear Plant
Ever wondered why Batteridge was so populous? Here’s your answer. Half the people you know work here. For most of them it’s the reason they, or their parents or their grandparents moved here. The Roscoe Plant (as most call it) is a bit outside of Batteridge, near the Western Hills, but there’s a tri-hourly bus to and from the plant. The Roscoe Plant is kind of infamous from a near-disaster that occurred only a few years after Chernobyl in Summer 1989 that nearly wiped out the whole of Batteridge (and Denver!). Most residents are wary of the plant because of this. Some regularly protest that it should be shut down. Owned by billionaire tycoon Cooper Roscoe, the plant is a sight to behold.
Lockheed-Martin
The popular weapons-maker has a branch here in Batteridge, it’s fairly small, only producing smaller weapons so they can easily be transported to Denver.
Le Feu
Le Feu- or "The Fire", in French- is the place your parents wouldn't let you go- it's pretty sleazy- or at least as 'sleazy' as Batteridge can get. Within it's streets we have-
Graffiti Corner
Graffiti Corner is home to the seediest of people in town, including the artists and the dealers. You never know what’s going down at Grafitti Corner because something else is always going on at the same time, so you do get a bit mixed up. Was that a drug deal or did they just exchange art supplies. Is that kid drinking alcohol out of a bag, or the elixir of life from Hoodoo Voodoo. It’s a curious place, these lofts… I wouldn’t go here unless you’re ready to get down and dirty, and that’s not always regarding finger paints.
Club Dionysus
Club Dionysus, very true to its namesake, is where you go to have a great gay ol’ time. Literally. It’s a drag gay bar meant to rid you of all your inhibitions. Dance, drink, love. It’s never up to you how the night will end at Club D. It’s like a game of Russian—or more fitting Greek—Roulette, you never know what you’re going to get.
Fever
Fever is your quintessential strip club. It's the sleaziest place in the sleaziest neighbourhood, and is condemned by the religious in the town- which is most of the population. Everyone condemns it, but somehow still go to the damn place. In it you'll find some older looking kids from Batteridge High who were greasy enough to get in, tired businessmen and some Average Joes. But remember what the slogan says- what happens in Fever, stays in Fever.
Devil Motel
This is the place where everyone that is not a permanent resident (or so they think) of Batteridge lives. From the outside, this building doesn’t look like it has too many rooms. However, no matter how many people check in, there always seems to be a vacancy. Even if their No Vacancy sign is lit.
Red Light Burlesque
Perverts, stay away. If you want to see naked girls, go to Fever. Now, if you want to see girls that are virtual goddesses on Earth, stay at the Red Light Burlesque. Run by Maria Santos, who spent months trying to get her anything but humble cabaret off the ground only to face opposition by the town members, Red Light Burlesque hires only the most beautiful and confident women for their shows. Rather than showing off their bodies for money to thirsty men, performers here show off their bodies and perform out of art and empowerment. No disrespect to the lovely strippers, of course. But here, the female form is worshiped, and feathers dance around your head as beautiful women laugh and perform. Dita Von Teese wished she worked here.
Hoodoo Voodoo
The local Magick/Voodoo shop, Hoodoo Voodoo, is where you’ll find the mysterious and illustrious John Doe, the owner of said shop. He’ll help you find whatever you need, whether it be chicken legs or the head of a mermaid—2 for $40 on Tuesdays—wow what a deal! The shop may or may not let you go when you want to leave, it’s been known to grow attachments, so beware and try not to lead it on…
Tara Heights
We do have a lower class in Batteridge and they can be found in Tara Heights. It is not any old project. Remove that word from your vocabulary immediately when you look at Tara Heights. Tara Heights is simply Tara Heights, a community that doesn't have as much as the other folks here, but still has a roof and four walls. Four Walls was almost what it was named, but Tara Heights sounded more dignified. Further away from town, nestled in a corner of Le Feu, Tara Heights does have it’s own charm in it’s….tranquility from the hustle and bustle, even if it means the residents—who often don’t have cars and can’t afford the bus on a bad day—take close to an hour to commute to their jobs in town. Here, people are so densely packed that everyone knows their neighbor. Hell, you may even share a room with your neighbor. If you have only a dollar to your name you most likely reside here.
The Market
Inspired by the Voodoo Markets of Togo, The Market is filled with all sorts of illegal delights. Swords, skulls and mythological animals. It is hidden in the alley behind Hoodoo Voodoo. Narc and you may find yourself in extremely unfortunate circumstances.
The Old Town
The Batteridge Old Town is (mostly) uninhabited and the town council have tried to get it closed up, but the old residents of Batteridge cling on to the place like they cling on to their walking sticks. Within it's street we have-
Gallow Knolls
Gallow Knolls, perpetually shrouded with mist, is no doubt the worst place to be at night, aside from St. Bernie's of course (But why would you want to be anywhere near the old town at night?). In short, it's where they hung who they deemed as criminals, and the gallows still lie at the top of the hill. The looming shadow of St. Bernadette's sits at the foot of the hill,
Sinkhole Swamp
Sinkhole Swamp is located just outside of Gallow Knolls in the thick woods of Colorado overlooking the mountains, and yes, with a name like Sinkhole, one would expect for it to be…messy. The area is covered in a cozy and threatening blanket of trees and a nice body of water. Just don’t try and take a dip, because you may find yourself without legs.
St. Bernadette's Asylum
Deep in the Old Town, just behind the mine, lies a dilapidated building with turrets that could almost belong on castle- but what lies within is nothing of grace or royalty. St. Bernadette's was a mental asylum in the 19th century and early 20th, before being closed in 1922 for unknown reasons. The main doctor- Anders Hippolyta, was rumored to be very experimental in his treatments- the infamous fire and rain treatment, euthanasia,intentional disease infection, sterelization, and more. Bernadette's give's most in town an odd, eerie feeling of dread, especially teenagers. It's normal to hear students in Batteridge High talking about and making rumors about St. Bernadettes, or making plans to break in that they never quite follow...
Golden River Mine
The Golden River Mine once belonged to the Roscoe family, but is now abandoned. It is said that deep below the coal and dust of the mine lies a river of pure gold, but of course no one believes this. However, some believe that the mine still has expanses of gold. But obviously no one wants to go down and find out, ever since the accident...
Ephraim's Hollow
Many visitors ask, who is Ephraim? There is no Ephraim. Local legend has a few ideas, but all who are familiar with Batteridge's history know better. The little town, after all, has been around for decades, and is one of the oldest places in town. Many say it’s the oldest place in Colorado, once inhabited by Native Americans as a settlement- and we're actually sort of inclined to believe them. The town, dusty and wooden, is almost like an old-west type town - but much creepier.
Redneck Road/Texastown
Redneck Road is the only way to go to south of Batteridge and to the Old Town, so you better be memorizing it, because it's a maze and any time spent in the Old Town will be short. Named Redneck Road because of the delightful trailer park, motel and gas station whose inhabitants are, well, rednecks. That isn't an insult around these parts, it's actually a compliment. When you're in Redneck Road it's almost like being transported to the saccharine forests of the deep south, which is why it's other name is Texastown. Infamous because of a few... events. Namely, the Bell Family Cannibals of '29.
Westley Hotel
Made famous by a movie shot here... no one quite knows the title, but it was Quentin Tarantino, the Westley Hotel was built in 1909. It has 100 rooms. Many believe the hotel to be haunted — of particularly high-spook factor seems to be the ballroom. Personally, I don't think it's haunted but I really wouldn't piss off the caretaker... he seems a bit unhinged.
Batteridge Schools
Batteridge High School
Ah, old Batteridge High School. In the 80s, Batteridge (pictured above) was formed when two rival schools merged into what is now just Batteridge High. It's an large school with around 3,500+ pupils, because of the fact it's the only High school for miles and miles. Classes range from Maths and English, to Phys. Ed and Biology, to classes like Psychology, Women's studies and even the Chinese Mandarin Language. It's a pretty crazy environment. Bullying is terrible, and Athletes are exempt from basically anything they do. No wonder a lot of the teens in Batteridge are messed up.
West Hills Elementary and Middle School
A bit too near to the Roscoe Nuclear Plant for most people’s liking, West Hills Elementary is somehow the largest Elementary school in Batteridge, with 700 students in elementary at the moment- and including the 700 middle school students it’s number is around 1,400. Most nuclear power plant worker’s kids attend West Hills.
East Hills Elementary & Junior High
A ‘rival school’ to West Hills, East Hills is perhaps the best Elementary school in Batteridge. It has about 500 students, most of which are extremely gifted. It’s situated on the brink of East Hills Forest, a scenic view.
Little Angels Elementary
An private elementary school, Little Angel’s is nearer to the neighbouring town of Jameston, but the kids end up always going to middle schools in Batteridge, since there is none in Jameston. It probably has better resources than public schools, but some think Little Angels is too much money for what it’s worth.
Lochside Elementary
Lochside Elementary sits right next to, yes, Loch Pine. ‘Loch’ the Scottish word for ‘Lake’ was used by Scottish settlers in Batteridge and has basically stuck. The Fairfax kids attended Lochside in their prime. It's a fairly small school, with only 200 students. The children often play by the Loch at recess, but since a particular incident, always have to be facilitated.
East Hills University
One of the best- but most exclusive- colleges in the West, East Hills has a minuscule 8% acceptance rate. Walk around campus if you want to be surrounded by extremely smart people. Plus, it has some nice outlying cafés and such. Another reason why people move to Batteridge- East Hills University. The building itself is one of the most beautiful in Batteridge- some call it 'Hogwarts'
