The Thief and his Apprentice (Intro)

[Impster]

This is the intro to a story that I started toying with. As with most of the stroies I begin writing, I'm not sure where this one is headed.

Criticism is welcomed! And there's a plate of cookies for anyone who leaves me some criticism. :)
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The Thief and his Apprentice

Chapter 1: Meetings

"Ah-ha!" a triumphant whisper emerged softly from the dark shadows. "Hello my pretties." Coins clinked gently against each other, as the box that housed them was lowered slowly into a rough sack. A silver pendant and a jeweled broach soon followed.

With the ease of experience, a shape barely more then a shadow detached itself from the floor and swiftly moved toward the door. It paused briefly, before moving out into the empty hallway. With silent confidence, it strode to the left and entered another room. Shutting the door, the shadow eased past a bath tub and sink. Creeping past the mirror, the shadow's reflection was caught, drawing it's attention. It stopped to inspect the image, setting the sack down in the process.

In the near darkness, a man early in his years returned his stare with unremarkable brown eyes. A good amount of stubble lined a sharp jaw and his unwashed, dark chestnut hair was tied in a short pony tail at the base of his neck and restrained by a piece of worn leather. He ran a hand along his chin thoughtfully. A shave might be in order soon. An exuberant grin flashed across his face revealing two rows of straight white teeth in the semi-darkness.

The sharp creak of floorboards reminded the man that the house he was in was not unoccupied. If he was found, a grin and a pat on the back would not be the first greetings he would receive. In fact it was more likely he would find himself half beaten and tossed behind bars. But this risk went along with the territory of being a thief.

Muscles stiffened as he waited for the footsteps to continue on their way. Relaxing only slightly as the other night dweller walked past, the man lifted his sack again. Deciding not to press his luck in this house any longer, he continued on, moving to the only window in the room. It was somewhat small, maybe a foot and a half wide and two and a half feet tall. The man unlatched the window and snagged his sack on a nail just outside the window. The nail had been placed there on one of the thief's earlier scouting missions. After being certain that the sack was secure and would not fall, he hoisted himself up and angled his shoulders and hips sideways as he slid through the window. He was thin enough and agile enough that he had plenty of room to maneuver through. In seconds he was retrieving his sack and clinging to the side of the house three stories above the street. The beginnings of a light drizzle began to soak through his clothes and a stormy breeze trapped between the houses buffeted him from the side, teasing gently with his ponytail.

Silent as a puff of smoke, the man half slid, half fell the three stories to the ground below without any fear. As his feet touched ground, the man turned and kept moving casually down the street.

At the corner of the house he stooped over to scoop up another sack that lay hidden behind an ornamental shrub. From it, he pulled a cloak and tossed it around his shoulders. His face was hidden deep within the shadows of the hood as he neatly tucked his other sack out of sight beneath the cloak. The grin still stretched across his face.

He strode up the street with a confidence in his step as the drizzle grew into an open downpour.

~o.O.o~

A small child shivered in the cold. Numb fingers gripped onto the edges of a tattered cloak, the only protection the child had from the onslaught of the driving rain. The child sat huddled against the side of some building. A series of petite sneezes emerged from beneath the cloak.

Arms that encircled bent knees tightened their grip as the rain began to pelt down with more force. The cloak began to shake as the child shivered.

A head shot up, startled. Wary eyes glanced down at the creature that had brushed against a dirt covered foot. Golden eyes with vertical slanting pupils started up at the child.

"Meow?" The cat tilted it's head to the side as if asking a question.

After hesitating a moment, the child slowly reached a hand out towards the cat.

~o.O.o~

A few streets over, the thief was whistling a cheerful tune. At this point, he was well enough away from the house he had robbed and thoroughly soaked through. However, the nights dealings had put him in such a good mood that a little water did little to damper this feeling. Judging by the night's haul, he would be living quite comfortably for the next few weeks. Long enough for him to find another town. Long enough to find another fat target.

It was at this point that he heard a familiar purring. Glancing to his left, the thief saw what could have passed for a small pile of clothes. The fact that it could move however told him that it was at least partially human.

Looking closer, he noticed that a tail was twitching contentedly from side to side and he saw a small head poke out from what appeared to be a kid's lap.

A muttered curse could be heard under his breath, "Darn cat."

Good mood vanishing quickly, the thief stalked over to where the kid sat.

"Tavorian," he called sternly.

The pile of clothes quickly unfolded and shot up slightly unsteadily leaning heavily on the wall. Taken by surprise, the thief stepped back. The two people stood facing each other, equal mixtures of startled and cautious. At their feet, the cat meowed grumpily letting them both know that he was not happy about the sudden changes in events.

The thief was the first to try defusing the situation. In an attempt to appear less threatening, he relaxed muscles that had been tensed to either fight or flee. Finally, the other one followed his example and loosened up slightly.

"'ello there, chap," the man said with put on cheer. "Pre'ty bad weather we're 'aving here, I'dn't it?"

The rain pelted down. Silence stretched. It was getting hard for the thief to keep his smile easygoing. He began to think the kid deaf. Or dumb. Or perhaps his tongue had been cut out. Whichever was the case, the kid didn't appear to pose any threat to him. Finally, the child gave a nod. Or what the man took to be a nod, he couldn't quite tell with the hood pulled low over his face.

"Ah…" the thief began again, faltering, "Well, I'm sorry to 'ave disturbed your… erm, rest. I'll jus' collect my cat and we can part ways."

He eased forward to claim his cat, keeping a wary eye on the kid. Threat or no, a scared animal is an unpredictable animal. Tavorian, however, was not planning on cooperating with him. With a meow, the dark colored calico weaved his way behind the child's cloak.

The kid suddenly spoke up. "Let me." The cloaked child bent to retrieve the mischievous cat. Grudgingly, the cat let itself be lifted up. After a pause, the child offered the cat out to the thief.

The thief nearly laughed in honest amusement and had to cover his mouth to stop himself. He had never seen anyone treat Tavorian like this kid was. Or for Tavorian to allow it. The cat was held in the child's outstretched hands with his feet dangling towards the ground and the most annoyed look he had ever seen plastered on his face. Tavorian's tail twitched in annoyance as fat rain drops pelted his furry head.

A generous mood swept through the thief and he said, "My cat seems to have taken a shine to you." He turned and started to walk down the street and called over his shoulder, "Come, I have had a good night and you look as if you could use a meal and a fire."

The child looked after the man as he walked away. Then looked at the cat in his arms. Bringing the cat in close to his chest, the child hurried to follow this stranger, the prospect of food and a dry place to sit outweighing all caution.

[mr_santa_08]

Hatter pressed the covers of whats resembled a pocket-sized hardback from the Earth in every particular except that, splayed open, it projected on to the air an animated holograph of Weaver. Molly flinched when she saw her: Weaver concerned over what had become of the Queendom under Redd, for the toddler daughter she'd left at the Alyssan camp in the Everlasting Forrest. Everyone else supposed Hatter dead or lost to Earth forever, but not Weaver. She'd wanted to leave him a word--at Talon's Point, where the two of them had, in better times, made a refuge for themselves--of the daughter he didn't know existed. Hatter said he hoped the diary would help explain things, but afterward, Molly was quiet and she never asked to view it again.

-Arch Enemy

[Impster]

Eh? 'Scuse me, but did you miss something? I think you misposted this, lovely though it is. Is it possible for you to delete your post? Thanks.

[Bittersweet-Barabara]

On the first paragraph, I was hooked.

Actually, I think the title is what drew me in. Must have, or else I wouldn't have come. You see all the time 'The Sorcerer's Apprentice', 'The Vampire's Assistant' - those focus on the apprentice, the assistant. However, with the title of 'The Thief and his Apprentice', it's sort of a promise to be dealing with both.

The second, third, most of your paragraphs, when describing something, were very well-written. The descriptive language was done well, if a bit on the borderline of extensive. Though I can't give an exact example for the reason of it's just borderline, but I feel like it could be toned down a notch to focus more on the actions than the surroundings. Not that that isn't important... oh, what am I saying. It's lovely. I just can't place my finger on your difference between enough and just a bit too much.

The accent between the first time the man speaks and the last. It's quite different. It leads me to wonder whether he was faking it or not, whether he's faking the correct words or not, or whether you just forgot about that detail. Another intriguing part is the connection between the cat and the man - what, exactly, links them? And also, the child's quietness.

Those make me look forward to more, most definitely. I'm not sure if you still remember this site, or if you've just been inactive, but believe me when I say this is very good. I'm sorry I couldn't offer more in the area of criticism, per se.