Golden Dawns Occult Adventures

http://allpoetry.com/list/40338-Golden- ... Adventures

Golden Dawns Occult Adventures (part 1) Crowleys Announcement.


The night was cold and still on the shores of Loch Ness - the year 1940 -something (so secret even I am not sure what the date was). It was a full moon and a distant scream could be heard from somewhere far away, echoing throughout the Loch. Upon the banks and braes stood Boleskine house, dwelling of occultist Aleister Crowley. It was not what you would expect, not an enormous castle nor vampirish in its architecture, but a simple little white Scottish building on one level.

This particular night was a special eve, as Crowley had invited several people who's identity was uncertain to his abode for a big announcement. They all arrived at once, each one wearing a hooded red robe to conceal his or her identity. Chanting an unspecific chant, they wafted incense around like monks do when entering a church. To them this was special for this was Crowley's actual house which the great occultist had for purposes of the great work, turned into a temple complete with illustrations and a big black obsidian cube right in the centre of the parlour. Candles burned brightly safely tucked into their sticks and the mood was set. There was a podium where the master was to stand, at either end lit with lamps, the curtain behind the podium a deep red for effect.

Crowley in his magnificence, wearing his robes with a crown upon his perfect head and a golden cross upon his chest, entered the room and there was a hushed silence. They all faced him in awe and each one sat down on the black polished floor as he took his place at the podium. He removed his hood and glanced around at the gathering of the fraternity.

"Bwothers and Sisters..." Began the Great Master, trying to hide his most obvious lisp - the inability to pronounce 'R' properly. "I have gathered you here this eve, to announce that I Aleister Cwowley... " The Master was interrupted by an almost inaudible titter somewhere on the left, he glanced over, an evil gut wrenching glance that would as soon kill a man... but he continued...

"I Aleister Cwowley have discovered a way to twavel thwough time and space, a way that will make our kind survive fowever..." Another titter interrupted his great speech. Crowley unimpressed by the lack of intelligence and display of complete and utter selfish arrogance from the individual took his wand and pointed it at the offender. Uttering some Enochian words nobody could understand, Crowley made the wand emit some disastrous electrical bolt which shocked almost everybody in that particular side of the room. There were squeals and screams.

"Aw no fair!" Grumbled the offender and took down the hood of his robe. Samuel Liddel MacGregor Mathers stood in mock prose of the Great Master and lit a pipe. "Honestly Crowley why all the cafuffle.. and whats with the lightening bolts?" He said puffing on his pipe and looking altogether a pompous git. He paused and smiled through his overbearing moustache "And a particularly drab display of wizardry! A trick old bean,one I taught you myself I shouldn't wonder" Continued Mathers.

"Oh its you is it?" Growled the beast practically smouldering from his podium. "Did I invite you...? Charlatan!" He hissed, eyes narrowing on Mathers.

"No but I came along anyway" Retorted Mathers with an equally evil gaze. "Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about... not much that I can see.. and you still have that lisp!"

"Stop making fun of my lisp!!!" Roared Crowley sending more lightening bolts from his wand which did no more than slightly singe Mathers imposing moustache. "Ouch..." Was all he said in reply.

One of the others stood up and removed her hood and stood hands on hips, Ms Dion Fortune, writer extraordinaire and greatest female occulist ever. "Now look here!" She shouted indignantly at the two little boy Magi who seemed to do nothing but fight each other. "I've had just about enough of you two arguing over stuff alright?" She continued making both men look decidedly sheepish "We came here to hear a great announcement, and not only that Crowley promised us we could see the Loch Ness monster!"

As she spoke others nodded in agreement and mumbled things etc that they were looking forward to the promised tour of Loch Ness. "I take it by Loch Ness Monster you mean this vile creature here!" Grumbled Mathers still smoking his pipe.

Crowley stamped his foot and ordered everyone to shut up and sit down and listen. "Das ist Nicht Gut!" he let slip, showing a mad raving side of himself that no one had hardly ever seen. Those German words made everybody shut up. Mathers looked aghast and sat down immediately as did Ms Fortune. "Mein Fuhrer.. " She mumbled, trembling a little.

"Right!" Screamed Crowley in an almost German accent which he later passed off as a kind of Scottish accent. "Bwothers and Sisters of the occult! I Aleister Cwowley have devised a way to travel through time and space, possessing bodies of other people temporarily in order to see life from the future and the past. And with that he stuck his tongue out and gave a finger sign to Mathers who pouted and folded his arms in disgust at Crowleys far better display of power. Continuing his speech Crowley took from under the podium a giant black leather bound book with a five pointed star embossed on the front of it. "How many of you want to try my magick?" He asked... there was no answer but nobody left the room. Each person petrified of Crowley, and thinking they better do like what they are told, lest the man before them be actually Mr Hitler himself. Could it be?


PART 2


The Stalker (Golden Dawns occult Adventures)


The argument sorted Aleister Crowley continued his great speech. At the back of the room Elijah DeCourt sat intently watching the scene and laughing to himself. He found the whole thing ridiculous indeed. Still Crowley's fantastic time travel spell sounded quite interesting. Elijah had done something similar himself when he created the Forever Holme Time Portal a few years earlier. Sadly this brought about the death of two of his wives and annoyed his brother Perceval emmensely because it was his brother who apparently thought of the idea first but couldn't make it work.

Thoughts of the past were dark, and the small laughter he had summoned was soon flattened by memories of the worst times of his life. Oh what a misery his life had become. As Crowleys words seemed to disappear into a void of babble Elijah gazed solemly out of the window, well at least what could be seen through the tiny gap in the red curtain behind Crowley. He could see the full moon shining over Loch Ness and it was beautiful peaceful and serene. He gazed some more as he saw what he thought looked like a person getting out of the water.. his eyes widened.. he recognised this person but he didn't want to cause a fuss.. could it be who he thought it was or was he imagining it? The figure approached walking in an angry manner, her black catsuit lit up in the moonlight and she looked rather sexy, Elijah couldn't take his eyes off her though terror gripped him from within. It was her.. it was Cherrie... He panicked and gripped the shoulder of the guy next to him. "Tell me brother... " He whispered "Do you see what I see through the crack in the red curtain?"
Next to him there sat a mysterious beardy bloke, his red hood pulled up over his face to conceal his identiy. His attention was focussed soley on Crowley so it was a bit of a surprise when Elijah grabbed his shoulder and shook him so fiercely. What he dare not tell Elijah was that he was horribly injured under his robe and shaking him would have hurt... Elijah realised though that he had done something stupid when the Beardy Bloke emitted a low squeak of pain. "ow..." He half whispered and squeaked... Crowley looked over.. one of his eyes twitching, hoping there wasn't going to be another interruption.
"Sorry brother..." Whispered Elijah, but do you see her?
The beardy bloke looked out of the crack, he too could see the lucious, sexy figure of Cherrie as she stormed towards the house in her black catsuit.
"Aye Brother, I see her..." The beardy bloke whispered "She's fucking gorgeous, is she one of yours?"
"Aye.. she's my stalker!" Grumbled Elijah.
Cherrie saw a gap in the red curtain, and something going on. She was angry sure, because Elijah had escaped her clutches yet again and she had to have a go at him for looking at several women and talking to somebody in the street when they asked for directions. How dare he even divide his attention between her and other people.. and who in the blazes was this Aleister Crowley bloke he'd gone to see? It had taken her a week but she found him, oh yes ... she found him. There he was, the swine! She could see him through the gap in the curtain, though it did mean staring at Aleister Crowley's backside as well. No matter... Her face twisted in rage was right up against the window and her fist shaking as poor Elijah tried to cower behind the Beardy Bloke but it was no use.
Cherrie was fully equipped to break into any house or dwelling. She had a plan, first she would use her diamond glass cutter to cut a hole in the window, then she would take a poison dart and fire it right at Elijah's neck rendering him unconscious. Then when everyone else had gone she would come in and drag his carcass back to London where she could keep an eye on him.
Elijah grew nervous as he watched her cutting a perfectly round hole in the glass.. he looked around for somewhere to flee to but it was impossible. Crowley would be sure to blast him with lightening bolts if he interrupted just as Mathers had. Cherrie took out the round peice of glass and aimed her poison dart right at Elijah.

Meanwhile Crowley was talking, telling everyone the wonders of the universe. It was not long before he realised the Chilli con Carne he'd had for dinner was coming back to haunt him but could he fart here on the podium without anyone noticing? He had been squeezing his butt cheeks together for ten minutes now and didn't think he could hold it anymore... Thus just as Cherrie was getting all set up to fire her poison dart, she became aware of a terrible stench such as she had never experienced in all her life, it hurt her nose, it made her eyes water, it gave her the shakes. What in the world had he been eating???? The noxious fumes emitted from Crowleys arse consumed her and she fell unconscious outside of the house as a green cloud of gas escaped through the little hole she'd made. As Cherrie slumped into a coma outside, Elijah breathed a small sigh of relief.
He gave beardy bloke a little slap on the back but forgot about the poor man's injuries and hurt him again. "Ow!" He cried... catching the attention of the recently farted out the window Aleister Crowley... who was not pleased.

PART 3

The Mysterious Beardy Bloke (Golden Dawns Occult Adventures)
Crowley was furious. Not only had old rival Mathers interrupted his speech, but now two others were doing it. "Who said that?" He screamed angrily punching the podium and stamping his foot over and over.
"Ich habe genug dieser incessant Unterbrechungen gehabt! Deutschland herscht vor!" He ranted as the lesser occultists in the room watched in fear. "Stand up whoever you were that made that hideous noise! Stand up!
Slowly poor Beardy Bloke got to his feet but this was difficult for him because of his terrible injuries. Standing there looking pathetic he finally spoke. "Twas I Brother Crowley who did scream out for my Brother did accidentally slap me upon my back which at the moment is throbbing with the pain of many slashes..." Beardy bloke slowly removed his hood to reveal his face. Some could even swear they heard a distant choir singing the Hallelujah chorus, for he was an intensely handsome man. Crowley took a step back, his face covered in beads of sweat and he stammered a little. "I.. I beg your pardon Beardy Bloke..." He said getting a little hot under the collar. "I did not realise it was you sitting there..."
The others in the room gasped and a rumour spread all around as to who the mysterious Beardy Bloke really was... whispers, gasps all round. Crowley continued. "Your intrusion is forgiven Brother you may be seated..." he said with what looked like a smile. Beardy Bloke nodded and sat down cross legged on the floor next to Brother Elijah who was completely and totally gobsmacked. "I don't believe it!" He uttered "YOU are the mysterious Beardy Bloke? Here in our fraternity?"
"Aye Brother..." Smiled Beardy Bloke in return as he once again focussed his attention on their host Brother Crowley who tapped the podium with his wand.
"Ahem!" Continued Crowley, the dark master. "Now if there are no more intrusions I will set a time and place for us all to congregate tomorrow, where we as a secret society will call forthe the forces that shall transform us and enable us to travel through time and space. You shall all stay here tonight and we will convene at 0800 hours tomorrow outside upon the shores of Loch Ness. Is everyone in agreement?

"Yes Master!" Came the reply from the group - everyone except Mathers who had by this time gone into a big sulk, Dion did reply but only after checking her lipstick hadn't smudged in this beautiful robe she was wearing.

Slowly one by one the Brothers of the Secret Society walked in squares and straight lines to the cube in the middle of the floor before leaving the temple in an orderly fashion.

PART 4

Elijah's Annus Horriblis (Golden Dawns Occult Adventures)
The guests retired to their rooms which were at the back of Boleskine house. Elijah yawned and stretched.. oh how good it was to be away from Cherrie just for once! It was fabulous, no more nagging, no more questions, no more being watched. It was like a dream come true. "Oh I can do what I want!" He laughed taking off his big red robe, then he preceeded to take off his sweater and pants. "I can prance around in my underpants and nobody will tell me off, I'm FREE!" He cried, and dramatically took off his underpants, kicking them off his big toe, they landed upon the bedside lamp. He did a few cartwheels and jumped up and down upon the bed completely naked and free and feeling so super, frolicking around like an idiot. Then just as he finished another cartwheel he came face to face with two people. One wearing a pink frilly deer stalker hat and cloak, the other dressed in a bowler hat and tails. "I say old chap, what are you doing in our room?" Chirped the pink frilly one who seemed to be wearing a bright red lipstick and blue eyeshadow which looked rather fetching in the soft light of the room.
Elijah gasped as before him stood Gay Holmes, the famous Gay detective of Baker Street and his associate Dr. What. He was aghast as Gay Holmes looked him up and down and stood limp wristed, his friend What at his side, also looking him up and down. "Though we don't mind darling, not one bit... *Guffaw*"

Elijah screamed and found the nearest thing that he could to cover his modesty, a picture of Her Majesty the Queen. "I.. I.. I don't know what you mean!" Stammered Elijah "This is my room.. it is you who are in the wrong room.. now get out the both of you, this is prepostrous!"
"Oh no you are quite mistaken!" Chirped up Dr What taking out some papers, "Crowley quite clearly states we are in room number 9, its written right here!" He mused showing Elijah the peice of paper.
"Well there you see this isn't room 9 this is room 6, MY room!" Said Elijah his face now going very very red with embarrassment.
"I think you'll find it's room number 9!" laughed What, still adoring the adonis whom had mistaken their room for his. He led Elijah to the door and showed him that the number 9 upon the door had slipped and it looked like 6 when it was in fact 9.

As they were examining the door Dr. What tripped on something and fell over, the door slammed hard and Elijah was trapped outside in the hallway with nothing on, nothing to shield his gonads but her Majesty the Queen. Again Elijah screamed with fear and embarrassment and tried to open the door, tugging at the door handle fiercely. "Open the door damn you!" he cried "Open up.. open up!"

"We're trying believe me!" Screamed Gay Holmes all girly like from inside and he and What also tried to open the door but to no avail

Along the hallway Elijah could hear footsteps and voices. Aleister Crowley, the host was talking and insulting MacGregor Mathers as he was showing him to a spare room. Mathers was being equally insulting as well, but that was not Elijah's concern, he had to get back in the room, ok being with Gay Holmes and What was not his ideal way of spending the night but to be caught Butt naked in front of Aleister Crowley with Her Majesty covering his dick area was not desireable in any way shape or form. He tugged and tugged at the door handle to no avail. Crowley and Mathers came walking passed so engrossed in their argument that they didn't register the naked man with the Queen covering his privates standing stiff as a board outside the room and looking terrified as they walked past.

"You're a pomous maggot!" Roared Crowley at Mathers as they walked by.
"And you Crowley, the Great Magus indeed.. nothing but a Charlatan and you can't even speak properly!" Retorted Mathers
"How many times do I have to tell you to stop making fun of my speech impediment you big fat nobody, your mother slept with Mussolini!"
"That's fighting talk SIR!"
"Damn right it is Mathers you Dog!" Growled Crowley as he showed Mathers to room number 6 which seemed empty. "Ok this room is empty, you can sleep here tonight but in the morning its war Mathers its war... I'm going to find some really good demons to send after you oh yes!"
"This room is great thankyou, and yes it certainly is war sir, I shall meet you at Dawn for a demon war!"

Crowley slammed the door on his still spouting ex friend Mathers who yelled from behind the locked door "You won't get away with this Crowley, I'll see to it!"
"Get some sleep you moustached maniac!" Crowley retorted angrily stomping back down the hall in the biggest beastly mood. "You're lucky I'm letting you stay in my house Mathers!" He roared back.

Grumbling half in German and half in English Crowley fizzled and smouldered as he walked back down the hall past room number 9 where Elijah stood with the Queen covering his bits, looking petrified. Inside the room Gay Holmes was squealing like a girl "Let me at him.. ooooohhoooohhoooh!" and still trying to open the door. The Dark Master glanced to his left and it still didn't register there was a naked member of his bretheren in the hallway - not at first anyway. Elijah knew full well of Crowley's sexuality, he wasn't the sort who just stuck to women. He was also aware that his particular bod, was too sexy for his shirt and everything else for that matter, hence he picked up many stalkers, strange women and wierdo's who wanted sex all the time and he was fed up with it. Sad then that he found himself in such a predicament. Just as he was about to breathe a sigh of relief as Crowley went past, the Dark Master suddenly stopped and a huge grin appeared upon his face.
He turned around slowly to behold the sexiest male body he had ever seen, beautiful beyond belief and completely starkers in his hallway.
"Hello my pretty..." He said with a sadistic laugh and a look that suggested he wanted it pretty bad.
Elijah gulped, eyes wide, the queen still gracefully covering his gonad area. "Hello sir... seems I got locked out... er..." He stammered... shifting from one perfect naked foot to the other.
"That's perfectly alright..." Growled Crowley and made his move toward the innocent naked Elijah who screamed like a girl, throwing away her Majesty and just as the door opened behind him. Faced with two gay maniacs and a guy in a bowler hat, Elijah fled, as fast as his perfect legs could carry him through Boleskine house,which was like a maze. Room after room he ran through searching for something to hide his embarrassment.

Behind him Crowley ran roaring like the beast he was and Gay Holmes prancing and mincing like a girl squealing with excitement. "Nooo Crowley he's mine.. he was in my room after all!" He minced, chasing after the glorious Elijah throughout Boleskine.


The Thick Plottens! (Golden Dawns Occult Adventures)
Elijah raced throughout Boleskine House completely naked and panicking because chasing him were Aleister Crowley, Gay Holmes and his associate Dr. What. This was a terrible predicament, how on Earth was he going to escape. There was a door ahead so Elijah opened it up and ran into the room.. it just so happened to be the temple. He looked around for something that he could put on, just so he wouldn't be completely starkers anymore. Behind the podium he came across what looked like a doctors bag, and written in big gold letters on the side was the following inscription:

"Aleister Crowley's big bag of Magick stuff and ancient relics, please do not remove from desk"

Siezing the opportunity Elijah opened up the bag and yes there was Aleister Crowley's Magus robe. He threw it on over his head and for effect put the little crown on as well. Grabbing the bag in a big panick because he could hear the dark master and the other two approaching the temple, he ran out the other door and through another room.

Crowley saw him escaping with all the stuff and his Magus robe and he was furious... screaming out some unintelligble rant he jumped up and down and stamped his foot.

"I say old chap..." Came the simpering voice of Gay Holmes as he entered from behind... (pardon the pun) "What's the matter?"

"That mindless naked oaf stole my magick stuff and I need it for tomorrows spell!" Roared Crowley, his face now a nice shade of purple."

Dr.What came up from behind as well (pardon that pun as well) "Did somebody mention my name? Eh, Holmes?"

"No... no Dr. What..." Guffawed Gay Holmes standing limp wristed in the room next to a furious Crowley. "It would seem the gorgeos naked Adonis we found in our room has taken off with Brother Crowley's things... *snort*"

"I say, that's not Cricket!" Laughed Dr. What "Perhaps we better make chase gentlemen, what say you?"

"I say Tally Ho! Old Bean! Eh..What.. " Simpered Gay Holmes mincing toward the other door, and clearly unable to control the sexual urges inside of him.

"Oh no you don't!" Roared the Dark Master, dashing past the two posh poofs from Baker street. "I'm not having you lot catch up with him, Adonis or not! That man has my Magick stuff, you have no idea whats in there, I'm getting him first!"

Puffing and panting and running as fast as he could, Elijah could not find his way out of Boleskine house. There was always another door, another corridor, where would it end? In the parlour Dion Fortune sat with a small hand mirror touching up on her lipstick, it just didn't look right at all. There she was open mouthed, smearing the red lippy all over her luscious lips. Just as she thought she'd got it right, Elijah ran past and jolted her shoulder really hard, and the lipstick got smeared all over her face, and thus she dropped the hand mirror.

Crowley and Gay Holmes stumbled into the room, obviously in a scuffle, fighting over who was to have first dibs on Elijah when they caught up with him. Poor Dion sat rocking back and forth in shock from the experience.

"Wait..wait..wait..." Yelled Crowley, seeing his friend in such a state. "Something's happened to Dion!"

Gay Holmes immediately stopped fighting and beheld the horror of smeared red lippy all over poor Dion's face and was shocked beyond belief. "Oh Good Lord!" He squealed "This is a travesty, who could have done this?"

Crowley knelt down in front of Dion who was so much in shock it was probable she didn't know what was happening at all. He took her by the shoulders and shook her a little to snap her out of it. "Dion! Dion!" He cried "What happened here? Tell us!"

Slowly she somewhat came out of the shock she was in. "It.. it was terrible Aleister... this gorgeous hunk came in here, and .. he was wearing your robe and had your big bag of magick stuff... he.. he...he..."
Dion stopped, distressed but Aleister comforted her. "It's alright Dion dear, take your time..."

Dion tried to pull herself together and tried to speak "He bumped into me... and my lipstick went all over my face..." She continued and burst into tears "It's not fair Aleister.. I spent ages trying to get my make up just right and then he came in and completely ruined it... *Wail*"

"Dion!" Came Aleisters reassuring voice "Don't worry Dion we'll find him, and we'll make him pay!"

"I should say so!" Minced Gay Holmes still horrified at the sight of her lipstick everywhere.

Dr What finally entered the room as he could not run as fast as the other two. He stopped open mouthed as he too beheld the state of poor Dion Fortune covered in red lipstick. "Good Lord what in the blazes happened?"

Aleister stood comforting his friend, tears forming in his eyes. "I shall avenge you Dion... nobody bumps into one of my freinds and smears lipstick all over her.. nobody... not even that gorgeous Adonis!"