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by TĂŠfarĂłs on Mon Oct 19, 2009 1:30 am
He almost lost to a sausage.
Forget those punk ass three-headed wannabes and their acid house breath. Send your scaly beasties packing to the middle of the ocean Pacific. When it came to bastardly opponents, Oser actually had to give credit to the stampeding, hog-like terror that had had its field day mere moments before; the evidence was clear in the tattered stand that was previously known as Mr. Tokataâs fruit bonanza, but you wouldâve never guessed that a giant sausageâd trambled the old Japâs turf.
This was because Tokata-san was an optimist. Oser didnât like liars, so he didnât like optimists. But Tokata sure as hell liked Oser, so all was right in the world.
Shaking his bloodied hand, the demigod grinned at the elder and the small crowd that had gathered before them. Oser knew that if their veggie stands or sushi bars or whatever had taken the fall, they wouldnât have bothered to clap. They would, however, cry their eyes out, goddamn psychos, maybe think about a little thing called insurance. Because they werenât Tokata. Because they werenât cool.
âLook, sir, Iâm really sorry about all this.â He glanced at the hog corpse, which the local kids found fascinating enough to poke with sticks, and grimaced.
Tokata-san shook his head, patting Oserâs shoulder with a force that belonged to a drunkard, not Mr. Roboto. âNo, itâs fine! Everything is fine! Dust yourself off, try try again, that kind of thing, right?â
âBut, sir, your fruââ
âI said itâs fine!â
For such a happy-go-fucky guy, he was rather subpar at veiling his agitation. Oser shrugged.
âNow, you must be tired and hungry. Come with me and weâll get that hand fixed. Maybe Iâll even let you stay for pork and meet my daughter!â
âŠWhat.
And that was it, just another chorus cat knocked from the neighborâs fence, just another fleeting attempt at epic glory. Oser yanked his bladed costume play of a weapon, the Icarus staff, from the beastâs flank, cleaning it lethargically on the ground, and slung it across his back. Hazy and listless as usual, he followed, shoulders hunched, hands pocketed, walking through silent noir. For a day with a sky so blue and strangers so kind, the redundancy of the past week was catching up to him with a vengeance. He could prowl this city at night, take a stroll round Japantown and detour to the Eastern Euro chain bridge, and heâd have a helluva time distinguishing them from the New York hot dog stand. A grand city, this, a grandly grand mesh of cultures and nationsâbullshit. Save it for the tourism industry.
At supper, he kicked off his winged shoes, shrugged off his jacket, and plopped down on a mat to feast upon the remains of his adversary. Tokata was quite good at smiling and frowningâlike, chipper one moment, then bipolar the next. Fuckinâ weird. Optimists werenât supposed to act that way.
His daughter seemed to agree somehow, silent in her pleas to depart; Oser took note of those elusive glances, the way she peered at him from over her teacup, sending some whacked out invitation to revelry and disaster. She spelled âcarnalâ with a capital F.U.C. He couldnât break that politeness streak over some chick, especially not with poor Tokata-san in histrionics over his dead mistress: âAnd I would have killed the bitch if she hadnât jumped!â
Okay, maybe he could. Just this once. Twice.
âHeâs not always so bad, is he?â he asked her after the dishes had been cleaned, eyeing her as she wrapped gauze around his bloodied knuckles. She was cute in a schoolgirl kind of deal, and as he sat there on the toilet seat, he felt like all kinds of pedo.
She smiled. âYeah, he is. Better get used to it.â
âShit, no thanks. I donât plan on seeinâ him again any time soon.â
âBut what about me? Youâll visit me often, wonât you?â She went about wrapping the gauze a tad more forcefully now, making him cringe.
So much for breaking that politeness streak. He'd retrieved his belongings at the door for a situation like this. âNot with that kinda attitude, girly. You got no class.â
âI hear youâre a demigod,â she replied, deflecting his words with her desu desu shield. Her eyes brightened.
âI hear you ainât legal.â Oser stood, unlatching the bathroom window. He stuck one foot out, struggling to reach the ground, âtil he landed none too gracefully on the pavement. âThanks for the fixinâs!â he called up to her, ignoring her trembling lips, and that was it.
Youâre so cool, Mr. Tokata.
Where to wander off to now? To that big rave scene in the sky, perhapsâliterally. Scratch that. Those guys didnât even have the balls to play proper, slap-yer-mum acid choons anymore, let alone anything that boasted true drum machines. He shifted his eyes upward, blowing the bangs out of his face, and spotted the busted monorail up ahead. Its tracks had been the unfortunate lunch of a giant, ugly sucker a few months back, but a few lines were still fit for travel. The pathways that no one ever bothered to take or had no priority in venturing on. They were tailor fit for a douche of his stature.
He immediately purchased a ticket, settling onboard, and by the time he fished out his pair of headphones, he forgot where he was headed. Wherethefuckever.
Optimists werenât supposed to act that way. Neither were monorails.
Oser couldnât decide exactly when things started to fuck up. A whopping count of two women were the only others along for the ride, but even they seemed to remain oblivious to the dirty, warping trip that commenced outside. His music ceased to blare, cutting off the female voice in his ear, as the world that passed him by grew more distorted over time, creeping in and out of focus like a visually broken record. He was unfamiliar with the lyrics he heard, something to do with calls and fate, something that sounded very, very out of place. It--or she, rather--was taunting him, laughing without a care. Gradually removing his headphones, he rose to his feet, scanning over the peculiar scene more in awe than in alarm; his curiosity found it to be a trippy marvel, and he concluded that, hey, heâd hopped through time and space before, had it off with ladies on a universal scale, so there was nothing to worry about, man.
âHey,â he said to the women that accompanied him, âare we ridinâ the same train or what?â
Light blinded him momentarily, the kind that you probably saw before you snuffed it, but he wasnât snuffing it, was he? He was just going through some foreign kind of relapse for turning down such a young and virginal target.
Then he lost his footing. The monorail disintegrated, the earth shook, and a golem was suddenly up in his business. This was a funky, grody mess of a situation, and by the look on the other guyâs faceâwho knew another dude would be as fortunate?!âhe was thinking similarly. Oser didnât like this, not one bit. He couldnât even get paid if he knocked out these beasties. Fogging up his glasses and shit, how dare them. Heâd take Tokata any day. Either him or a sausage.
On impulse, his grip went for the staff slung across his back. And that was it.
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