Ess's Story

~Otium 15 -Morning~

Essence couldn’t sleep. It could have been she was not looking forward to the possibility of nightmares, unable to keep them at bay even with Luckas at her side. Or, perhaps it was the small amount of dread she was feeling at the thought of Luckas leaving again to go do whatever it is he does. It was a normal feeling to have him around and she had gotten use to it, probably more than she should have. He was always there, wasn’t he? This wouldn’t make much of a difference but even so, she still had to keep reminding herself.

When she heard him stir, her eyes slowly opened to stare back at him. Luckas seemed perhaps slightly surprised to see her awake or maybe just at the fact her stare was somewhat intense but without much meaning. Without a word she quietly sat up and reached beneath her pillow to retrieve her journal, tearing out two drawings she had managed to complete when Luckas was not around and handed them to him. One was of the Redhead that Darren had seen during his trials with Ess’ curious dagger. Her son had actually helped her get the eyes just right so that she wouldn’t wear through the paper with all her constant corrections. The eyes, the lips, and the hair she colored all red even though she honestly wasn’t sure what colored eyes the woman had. She found it fitting however, especially with how much blood was apparently shed in reference to the mysterious woman.

’Wouldn’t it be ironic...’ Ess’ internal voice shut as she was distracted with Luckas’ fixation on the second drawing she had created. He had said, the night Ess found out Darren was her son, that if she were to draw him something he would carry it around with him everywhere. If he meant it or not at the time, she had a feeling there was truth to it and decided after the night she had finished his tattoo, she would bestow another small gift. The black and white drawing was purposely smudged along the border, cascading shadows all around a dense forest that surrounded a faded path. Further forward, at the beginning of the path was a silhouette of a woman with curly red hair but her face was hidden; her posture slanted downwards giving a bit of a lonely or sad hint to her form. Behind her, the ground was stained red which encased a darker figure all in black; the face also hidden. It was entirely different to her normal style, where she would put so much emphasis on the faces, where now it was all in the figure’s surroundings. The path behind the woman was strewn with dead bodies that which trailed off the page, descending back down that path both figures traveled.

Ess released a bottled sigh, a small smile tracing her lips as she stared up at her friend. Still she was silent as a grave once again before laying back down, waiting for Luckas to leave before she went off on her morning run.

~~~~~~
Blackpond

It had been painful for Olivia, which was easy to see by the resentful glare in her eyes, to allow Deidra into the shop that morning. Several of the regulars that visited to pick up their orders early on that morning, had commented on the tiny doll that was sitting with the others on a display by the window. Olivia of course took full credit for it, which really didn’t bother Deidra until she ordered her to make larger versions of the model in five different sizes and all to be completed in two days time. At least this time she was given the blessing of scissors and didn’t have to tear, fold and double seam the dress in order to hide the ragged material. She had to look on the bright side, which was her slight amusement. Her mark and who she really was, was right there in the open for all to see but not one person noticed the black feathers in the design. Who was to say many would make that kind of connection even if they did.

Marcus had made it a point to stop by that afternoon to collect any daily earnings and was quite pleased with the day’s coin. Olivia of course was rewarded by some of her own, and a gentler embrace than the one Deidra had witnessed from yesterday. That was the only time she let her eyes wander from her work. Usually she listened to her surroundings and payed close attention to when the men in red would show themselves. Guards in standard armor were posted outside the doors, keeping watch to who went in and out any entrance. Twice that day, the shifts rotated always leaving a two minute window of distraction as their attentions were lured elsewhere. Usually, it was Olivia and Dee that occupied the shop except when customers visited. No one in particular seemed to catch her interest and no one attempted to talk to her. Still, after about an hour of quiet, when the door opened and the bell chimed, her attention was stolen away from the twisted displays of affection Marcus and Olivia were partaking in. Dee accidentally stabbed the tip of her thumb with a needle, as she noticed how Marcus pulled away from Olivia to leave but paused, his eyes lingering over Deidra.

Luckas really didn’t have it in him to put up with much crap. He only stopped by Blackpond to get something to drink, but he hadn’t even managed that much. Amber had found him within minutes of stepping foot in the city and she seemed dangerously excited about a surprise she said she had for him. Amber’s surprises were never anything pleasant, but there was usually no way to avoid or escape them. “It was a very long walk, Amber, can’t this wait?” he muttered as the over-excited psychopath dragged him across the near deserted streets.
“It cannot wait; absolutely not. Trust me, Lukey, you’ll thank me.” She smiled.
“Think back a moment to all the times you said I’d thank you, Amber... Have I ever?”
“No. You’re quite an ungrateful douchebag, but I forgive you.”
“You tried to set my ears on fire and I’m a douchebag?” Luckas muttered, growling as Amber only giggled and quickened her step.

Amber released Luke a few steps away from one of the brotherhood’s establishments and that didn’t do Luke’s temper much good. He had not visited that part of town since he and Ess had taken care of her Squealer brother. “Why are you dragging me here?”
“You’ll seee...” Amber sang happily. “Just go into the basement of that building over there and I’ll meet you in a couple of minutes. I need to pick up a package.”
Luckas would love to just say no and wander off, but saying no to Amber was a dangerous thing to do, even for him. So he nodded his compliance and lazily strolled in the direction of the building she had indicated. “Why is it that nine out of ten times I step foot in this city I end up in a goddamn basement?” He complained under his breath.

Amber snickered at Luckas’ grumpy protesting and made her way towards the tailor shop, barging in through the doors quite audibly. “Hello, my lovelies!” She greeted, looking from Marcus to Olivia with a wicked grin, and then winking not at all discreetly at Deidra as she playfully circled Marcus as if he was cornered prey. “Marcus, sweetie, how ‘bout those lessons I said I’d give you, hmm? If my mood improves just a bit more I might free up some time for you later tonight.” She smirked. “If you’re sure that’s what you really want of course, at your own risk. Don’t come crying to me later if it ends up being too much for you. I don’t take kindly to whiners.” She playfully, if not a bit roughly, smacked the man’s behind before turning her attention from him, her eyes lingering on Dee, her expression changing to a childish amusement. “I can see that you lot are not particularly busy at the moment, so if you kids don’t mind... I’m going to borrow the new girl for a few minutes... We kind of bonded a little bit the other day and I promised her a little present.”

Marcus chuckled at Amber’s entrance, shrugging at her comment of freeing up some time for him possibly later on. The words alone were enough to intrigue and frighten anyone who halfway knew what kind of strange individual Amber was, but Marcus found it amusing. He knew it was a risk but it would be worse to not indulge her, especially as a superior.

“What, no hat today?” He snickered. “You have my attention. Although that would depend if I have any chores. Mustn’t disappoint or ignore the others.” Marcus smiled so the tips of his teeth were showing. “Perhaps if I ask nicely.”

Olivia’s face went expressionless at Amber’s arrival and her antics with Marcus. It was obvious she was bottling up some sort of emotion by the way her skin paled and went clammy. Her fingers were constantly closing into a fist and straightening, a habit she couldn’t hide if she tried as it was something she did without her notice most times.

“Why does she get to take a break?” Olivia muttered to herself, snorting in annoyance at the word ‘present.’ Marcus reached out to Olivia and firmly gripped her shoulder, applying pressure along certain points that made the woman cringe and groan, forcing her to sit in a chair at her desk.

“Liv...no one is speaking to you..” Marcus grunted, folding his arms across his chest in a disbelieving pout. “Amber..you said you weren’t going to steal this one. Was that just the other day? I know what ‘borrow’ can mean to you when you say such things..”

“No hat yet, but the day is young; I might still find myself one. And Marcus, love, what’d I just say about whining?” Amber scolded playfully, leaning against Olivia’s desk with her back turned to the woman. “Don’t fret... I’ll bring her back in a bit...Although I absolutely could, I have no intention of permanently moving your girl. It’s not my place to decide where work is needed after all.” The girl smiled sweetly. “I just need help surprising a friend and he’s, uh... nitpicky... with his companies. And I promised him a surprise, I’d hate it for him to be disappointed.”

Amber’s blue eyes once again fixated on Deidra for a few moments, slowly trailing to the display with the tiny dolls. A snort escaped the girl, containing traces of laughter as she shook her head, not speaking whatever was on her mind. “Of course, I’m being polite,” she added, “I could just order you all around and be a total bitch, but I prefer to leave such unpleasant behaviors to the likes of Zeke.”

Casually, Amber pulled a long black handkerchief from her pocket and offered it to Deidra. “I assume these knuckle heads allowed you to see where you were going when they brought you in, but I’m not that trusty, so if you don’t mind wearing this over your eyes, hun... I don’t want to keep my friend waiting.”

Deidra tried to keep her eyes to her needlework, yet they kept straying to Amber and Marcus. She swore she saw the man flinch when the woman entered; not to mention his fists clenching some when she smacked his backside. Dee wondered if he wanted to reciprocate the gesture with his own but it was clear he was holding back. Still, she found it somewhat entertaining to see Marcus act like he was walking on eggshells. The two were casual about it, but it was obvious to Dee, now especially, who outranked who.

A hint of a smirk passed over Deidra’s lips, trying to mask her enjoyment when Olivia was put in her place. The woman remained silent, slowly placing the sleeve of her dress she was embroidering, onto a small table. She was compliant to her instructions and as she reached for the handkerchief, her hands began to shake. Dee knew she had to expect whatever degrading surprises Marcus may have in store for her, but for a split second she actually believed he was her biggest worry. Between Olivia’s unexpected visit last night and Amber’s eerie invitation, Dee wondered how much she would put up with, resisting the urge to fight back.

Taking a deep breath she frowned, tying the handkerchief into a blindfold over her eyes. Even though she could no longer see, she swore she could feel Olivia’s piercing eyes burning holes through the black material. Dee rubbed her fingers together, massaging the muscles and working to steady her tremors while internally preparing herself to keep her reactions to a minimum. Whatever they did to her, she would make sure to not give them the satisfaction of a struggle.

Amber smiled in silent approval as Dee made use of her improvised blindfold. “Alright, let’s get going!” She exclaimed cheerfully, slowly placing one hand on Dee’s shoulder to guide her into the underground of the shop, waving at Marcus and Olivia over her shoulder. “Later, my pretties.”

Amber slowly led Deidra through the tunnels underneath the city, her steps never faltering as if she had the path completely memorized; and she did. “So, Dee Dee... Having fun already? Is Liv being a resentful bitch?” She chuckled as if reviewing nostalgic memories in her mind. “I won’t say that you can trust me, because, well... You can’t and I sure as hell don’t trust you either, but... You don’t need to worry. I’m almost positive you’ll enjoy this.” She stopped Dee suddenly, if the woman wasn’t blindfolded she still wouldn’t be able to see anything in the pitch black passage they had taken. “Now, you remember what I said, right? This is for you to enjoy alone. If anyone else is able to see or hear what happens next, well, my friend there... don’t think he won’t be able to tell; it’s not a risk you’ll want to take, believe me. So if there’s someone hiding, no matter how well, inside that clever little head of yours, it’d be in everyone’s best interest that they make themselves gone for half an hour. Now, you wait here a minute and don’t wander off, you might bump into something unpleasant if you do.”

Luckas had taken a seat in one of two rusted metal chairs in the basement he was directed to. There was no light and he hadn’t bothered to light a torch just for himself. The absolute darkness seemed to whisper things into the back of his mind; echoes of memories he’d rather keep completely buried. He didn’t want to be there alone and as the minutes passed he wondered if that was exactly Amber’s intent. Of course that was foolish on his part; making him sit in a dark room was too simple for Amber. Her mind was almost incapable of simple thoughts. After a while Luckas heard movement. He thought he heard Amber whisper to someone who didn’t reply; not that he could hear them at least. When the girl entered, she entered alone at first, snickering in the dark. “Ugh, so depressing in here. Why wouldn’t you light a torch?”
“I’m tired Amber... What is it you wanted to show me?” Luckas mumbled, ignoring her questions and glaring as she lit a couple of torches.
“Hang on, I’ll show you.” She laughed. “So eager, gee.”

Before Luckas could verbally express his annoyance Amber pulled someone into the room. At first all Luckas could tell was that it was a blindfolded woman. It was only when she stepped into the faint circle of torchlight that Luckas recognized Dee. He glared at Amber with an intensity that was almost terrifying even to someone like her. “What the fuck is this?” He mouthed at her, not wanting the blindfolded Deidra to hear his voice.
Amber shrugged, playfully. “What? It’s your surprise. I thought you’d like it.” She snickered at the look of hatred Luke gave her in return. “It’s my gift to you, sweetie. Do with it as you please; nothing is an option too. You have thirty minutes. Could use them to your benefit or just... stand there in silence. That’s up to you.” That said, she exited the room, almost skipping her way out the door. Luckas heard it slam and lock behind her. The only way out was through the tunnels, but; he didn’t know his way down there as well as Amber. Luke felt his stomach twist into knots as he paced around the room like a trapped animal; which quite frankly he was in that particular moment, trying to make a decision.

Deidra’s neck and shoulders tensed considerably when Amber rested her hand on her to lead her downstairs. They descended the steps two at a time, but Dee didn’t realize this except to notice they reached the bottom quicker than she expected. ’Ten steps from the stairs and right,’ Dee began to recite in her head as they continued through several corridors. Extending her fingers outwards, without moving her arm, Deidra let the air pass through her fingers to feel if there were any temperature changes or shifts in the air to indicate an exit. For the most part, it was cool and dank like a basement, quite similar to when she first awoke in that dark room.

‘Twenty five from right and one, two...’ Dee’s thoughts were temporarily interrupted at Amber striking up a conversation. It was as if they were old friends, the way she gossiped a bit, mentioning Olivia. Deidra only responded with a sarcastic snort. ‘Resentful bitch’, was quite the understatement. That woman had it out for her.

The woman led Dee left, the air seeming to warm a few degrees as she tried to keep her internal count and memorize their path traveled. Tiny beads of sweat spotted the handkerchief, her heart skipping a beat when Amber reminded her that this surprise of hers was for Dee only. She may have screamed it she hadn’t suddenly become so nauseous, Deidra actually swallowing and biting back the bile that touched her tongue. Was this a game? It almost sounded like Amber was joking but at the same time there was an underlining warning in her words that made Deidra want to flee. Did she mean the telepath that interrogated her in the beginning? How could she know otherwise? Amber did address Deidra by her nickname that she never voiced aloud but who is to say she didn’t find that out from the one who had visited her thoughts. Not knowing if she had been discovered or if she was just overthinking it all, either way, made her fearful for who she was meeting so secretly. Just in case, Dee concentrated to create a weak, mental block in her mind. It was strong enough to know it was there, but weak enough to be knocked down by any who tried. A simple message to Kyle if he decided to check on her unexpectedly.

Deidra didn’t chance peeking from behind the blindfold when Amber left her alone a minute, but she did reach out towards the walls to steady herself, mentally cursing herself for losing track of the last turn so she was only partially aware of how far she had gone. After she was led inside and left alone with her ‘surprise’, she waited for him to speak, but instead she was met with silence and pacing. This not knowing and awkward waiting was eating at Deidra to the point where she didn’t know if she would rather find out or not what was to befall her. Finally, unable to stand it, she cleared her throat, whispering out towards her company. “Is..there something I can help you with? Hello?”

Luckas was very, very, unsure of what to do just then. The smartest would probably be to do nothing, but he could tell that he wasn’t the only one who was growing more and more anxious with the silence. Half an hour of this would be too much for both of them. He didn’t understand what Amber was planning with this, if it was all just another way to torment him or if she wanted to see if he knew Deidra was there. He didn’t, obviously. He stopped behind Dee and reached as if to remove the blindfold, but stopped himself, walking away to one of the chairs and dragging it across the room in the woman’s direction, placing it behind her and lightly nudging her with it as an indication for her to sit down. He walked away from her and sat on the other chair, keeping a good distance in between them. He had no idea how the woman would react or what assumptions she would make at the sight of him. He could of course alter her memory if absolutely needed, but Luckas would rather not put himself in a position to hurt Dee. The woman had never been anything less than kind and he knew very well how much Ess liked her. “Take that off.” he whispered the words, not trying to disguise his voice exactly, but hoping that she hadn’t immediately recognized it either. To be honest he wasn’t sure how often he’d spoken to or in front of her, but it was possibly not enough for her to identify him by a whisper.

Dee was slightly startled by the nudge but got the hint, running her fingers over the back of the chair to find the seat before sitting down. Fidgeting the the hem of her sleeve she began reciting, once again, what she remembered of her blinded directions, using that focus to keep herself calm. When the silence was broken she seemed to straighten, her hands hesitating between the blindfold and her sleeve. Dee was honestly unsure what the man meant and assuming the worst she responded by shrugging her arm out of her sleeve.

If someone else was there they’d be able to see that Luckas was even more pale than it ever seemed possible when he noticed Dee’s response to his request. He wondered what the hell Amber had told her this was about. “No. The blindfold.” He corrected quickly, still somehow keeping his tone at a mere whisper. He really wanted to know whose dumb idea this was. even though he suggested to Mageria she infiltrate one of her people, this was nowhere near what he’d call a smart way to go about it. If he could act purely on instinct he’d be yelling at the woman and everyone who might possibly be involved in this for how unbelievably reckless it was.

Deidra froze, several seconds passing before the words registered in her brain and she slowly pulled her sleeve back over her arm. Her eyes were still shut when she slid the material down past her nose and off her chin. She deliberately turned her head in the direction she felt the warmth of the torch from and opened her eyes to squint in the firelight. Dee pinched herself, making it appear that she were holding back tears but really she was trying to make herself cry.

“Why am I here then?” She whispered back, letting her gaze trail to the floor and towards the man. The second she saw his face, her demeanor glitched. Deidra’s expression spasmed between several emotions before shifting to a blank stare. ‘Holy...I’m probably going to die now, right?’ She thought, staring as if she were waiting to answer herself. A frustrated sigh escaped her and although she still spoke in a whisper, one could catch a hint of bitterness that lingered in the silence that followed. “Why am...I here?” Of all the thoughts flooding her mind, that question still seemed the most legitimate thing to say, part of her hoping there was still something to salvage here. Nothing she prepared herself for was even remotely close to the surprise she had been given. ‘Still not sure if I’m enjoying this or not...yet...’ She snorted, silently admitting to herself that the thought was at least amusing. That woman sure did have a strange sense of humor, which brought Dee back to her first conversation with Amber and what price she paid to be where she is now. Realizing she had been staring, she squirmed a bit in her seat, absently massaging her jaw as the subtle ache was enough to remind her of the bruise that had almost disappeared. Dee knew if she did, by some miracle, ever make it back to the Nest, she would never hear the end of it from Keith and what she put others through; especially Matthew.

Luckas leaned forward running both hands through his hair in frustration, a cold laugh escaping him at Dee’s question. “You’re asking me, Deidra? I should be asking you why you’re here. What do you expect to accomplish here, like this? Whose stupid idea was this?” Luke sat up straight to look at Dee, his expression twisted as if something bitter had been shoved down his throat. “The only reason you’re not dead right now is that apparently Amber is more interested in making me squirm than keeping this place spy-free. She knows who you are, where you’ve come from... I wouldn’t doubt she knows what you had for breakfast ten fucking years ago. One word out of her mouth about who you are and there’d be nothing left to bury.” Luckas silenced, shaking his head and laughing once more. “I thought this day couldn’t get more stressful.” He muttered.

Dee opened a sarcastic smile and shrugged. “What am I expecting? I am expecting to die, honestly. I don’t expect to walk away from this. If you’re smart you’ll be thinking the same. The truth, they already know, which is they found me with Asher’s lacky and Marcus took a fancy for me, so here I am.” Deidra’s eyes narrowed as she leaned back in her chair. “Tala...freaking knew…” She muttered just under her breath, slowly shaking her head in disappointment wondering if Ess knew about Luckas. “What’s your game here, huh?” Dee inquired, crossing her legs casually.

Luckas leaned back in his seat, his eyes narrowing as he caught Deidra’s words on Tala, but he made no comment. “I’m not that smart apparently.” Luke smiled, but his eyes were cold as black ice. “And Lady laughed at me when I said you were scary...” Luke fidgeted a bit, his eyes fixating on the ground, the tip of his boot tapping against a symbol carved roughly onto the floor amongst specks of blood as though someone had clawed at the stone for hours on end to put it there. “I’m curious... You ever think about having kids, Dee? Back when you were married? In a point of your life where sitting in a place like this with a guy like me wasn’t a part of your foreseeable future? You seem like you’d be a good mom...” Luke’s expression softened a bit and the bitter smile disappeared from his features. “Take a look around you. This was the world as I knew it for the first years of my life. Or did you honestly think this just started happening now? I’m not here playing a game, Deidra. I’m here with a very particular intent. I have plans that don’t involve my life ending where it began. So I’m going to ask you nicely that, should you manage to not get yourself killed, that you not tell anyone about this. And I mean no one. If you can’t sincerely promise that, then I’m afraid I’ll have to make some tough decisions. ”

Deidra’s attention gradually followed the sound of Luckas’ boot tapping against the floor. She couldn’t make it out, but there appeared to be some crude design scratched into the surface. Dee wasn’t expecting Luckas’ next question, clear surprise painted upon her face before her expression twisted as though she had eaten something sour. The comment that she would be a good mother, honestly confused her. She shifted once again in her chair, staring back up at Luckas, eyebrows raised. The man’s words stirred up memories of what she had done before Eric in order to survive. At the time, the concept of kids frightened her because that only meant a prison for them as well. With Eric, they had discussed it but put it off because Deidra wanted to give back to the guard and take arms with the others. When Eric had died, she felt her chance had been stolen from her.

“I was never in a position to really settle down. If I couldn’t properly care and give my full attention to an offspring, then I felt it was cruel to be that selfish in trying to raise a child; especially in this world.” Dee let out another sigh. “I don’t understand. Why ask me to keep quiet when you can just kill me? If you are with them, why not expose me?” She chewed on the inside of her cheek in frustration, unsure still if this was really all some game or trick of sorts. “You..should really be the one to tell ‘Lady’, no? Assuming no one knows about you, except for our excitable friend there. If we do somewhat share similar intents, then I can keep quiet just as you will of my identity. Together we can share the risks of discovery as we make decisions that will blacken our souls in order to reach our...individual goals. What price are you willing to pay? Will Lady be paying it for you?”

“Sure I could kill you, Dee. I could have done it without showing you my face. Alternatively I could simply wipe any memory of this encounter from your mind... Or replace it with whatever unpleasantness you were expecting this to be. I don’t want to. It’s not often I get the chance to not do something I don’t want to do around here, sooo... I took a chance on you.”Luke snorted in a bit of annoyance. “A good mom puts the children first, even if hypothetical children. It sounds like the logical course of action, doesn’t it; to protect one’s offspring? I mean even wild beasts have that instinct. My mom, on the other hand, did not. She put me and my brother here, well, not here; but a place much like here, and walked away without a second thought. These people made me what I am, Deidra. I’m not opposed to destroying them, but I’m here for something else first. So I’d say we’re not on opposing sides, but our short term goals may be conflicting, which is why I’ve kept my activities to myself with very rare exceptions. Lady knows most of what happened to me, she knows what I’m after, but she doesn’t know where I go and who I associate with exactly while I’m away and it’s not a good idea that she finds out just yet. That’s how I protect her... It’s the best way I can. There’s only one living person who knows exactly what I’m doing, who I’ve confided in because she couldn’t tell anyone if she wants to. Not unless something... Permanent happens to me.” Luckas ran his fingers through his hair and heaved a long sigh. “Who have you met so far aside from Amber and that boot-licker Marcus? Maybe I can tell you a few things.”

Deidra stood rather abruptly as if she had an epiphany but was more out of a kind of excitement from Luckas’ story. It was confirmation, even if she was not completely trusting of her company, she continued to listen. “See...your experience is essentially why I am here, Luckas.” Dee whispered, a kind smile touching her eyes. “That and Asher.” She crossed her arms, hunching over the back of the metal chair. “Lady doesn’t know I’m here either. She’d feel responsible but really, I can’t lie and say a huge part of why I am isn’t because of her. In a way. What can you tell me? Indeed...what can I ask? How much can really be said without spoiling our personal agendas, hm? I am starting to understand who answers to who here. I’ve met three men in red, a few guards, Marcus, Olivia, Amber...and..someone named Amara. I’ve heard names whispered too.”

Dee relaxed her neck, letting her head hang forward so her hair covered her eyes. “We are underground, yes? How far under the city does this thing go? Other people are locked away down here but where? Lets not forget the question worth its weight in gold. Were you aware that these people are arms deep in Asher’s trade? Do you know what kinds of supplies besides people, were split into three caravans? One was intercepted for Newhaven, another left Valcrest all together, and the third I caught a ride on to here. Obviously I know, but I guess I am curious how far your knowledge stretches here.”

Luckas actually startled when Deidra stood up, unconsciously pushing his chair back as if he suddenly expected a heavy metal chair to be flying towards his face for some reason. He actually laughed at himself for the thought before his expression changed into silent contemplation. “Well then, you better not die Deidra... Because if you do Lady will have all these new guilty feelings I’ll eventually have to deal with and honestly... There are only so much of those I can take.” The words could have been taken as a jest, but Luckas was dead serious. It was more than enough that Ess had to feel responsible for all the horrible crap that had already happened so far. Not to mention the horrible crap he knew would inevitably happen. “As for what I can tell you... I’m not sure. I’m not actually stationed in Blackpond and I take little part in the business conducted in the city. I can’t even find my way through the underground to save myself if needed. I do know the tunnels are way deep, they were magically constructed and are magically secured; how exactly I’m not sure. I do know that teleporting is used on a regular basis so there are rooms with no other way in or out which makes them basically unreachable seeing as even a teleporter would not be able to invade without knowing their exact location. I know this because Amber has told me what happens if there are miscalculations in the teleportation process. If I had something or someone I wouldn’t want discovered I’d keep them there.” Luke stared down at his feet for a moment, frowning at his own shoes and promptly taking them off, pulling a different pair of boots from his bag in order to change. “I wasn’t officially informed about any shipment, nor would I, but Amber was blabbing about ‘splodies’ on the way here which, I admit, made me all the more wary when she said she had a surprise for me.”

Luke snorted, a spiteful expression crossing his face. “Don’t worry too much about Marcus and Olivia, you may have noticed they are small. Amara on the other hand, she was a woman in blue, no? Watch yourself around those women. They have passive magic; mind reading, healing, minor illusions, but what is said and done in their presence goes straight to the leader. They’re the personification of pure evil, and coming from me that ought to tell you something. If you slip for a split second and it catches their eye, you’re done. Amber is the only one who isn’t afraid of them and that should tell you something as well. That said, it’s very likely she’ll protect you. She’s the last person who would ever betray the organization, I’m not sure why yet, but she plays by her own rules so as long as there’s some fun to be had at your expense or mine with this she’s a possible asset. I mean, if she had reported half the things she’s seen me do...” Luckas snorted in half amusement. “There’s a dark skinned man, he’s Marcus’ superior, have you seen him? His name is Ezekiel. He was Amber’s handler when she wore Grey. I’m not sure what that entails exactly, but she hates him with a fury. As long as Marcus is under his command whatever his interests are it’s Amber’s interest to frustrate him. If his interest right now is you, trust that she’ll get in his way as much as she can. That said, if you are ever in a room with Ezekiel, make yourself as invisible as you can, he’s not someone whose attentions you want in any way. Trust me, I’ve had the man breathing down my neck for months now, it’s not pleasant.”

Luckas stopped talking and for a few moments he watched Dee as if attempting to make a decision, his expression was something between doubtful and wary. “What I’m here to find out is not how they operate, Dee, but... What their goal is. I’ve been doing this for months, I’ve gotten close to some very important people but I can’t figure that out. Why they’re suddenly acting so openly when they have been acting in the background for.. I’d guess centuries but possibly more? It’s not about the money. It’s not just raising an army. There’s something they want. Are you aware of the eclipse that occurred some time ago? Before I left the Nest I heard news that it might have been caused to cover an attack on the Crimson Shadows. Decimated was the word Jake used. It was meant to make it seem like their leader caused the anomaly, but the White Shadows ruled out the possibility that he could have done it. I haven’t seen anyone capable of that, but there’s a lot I haven’t seen... I know the attack came from here. I don’t know why though. I don’t know what it accomplishes. None of it makes sense.”

Deidra growled low, kicking at some random debris at her feet. “I won’t have nearly enough time to find out just how deep these tunnels go..Curse the Twins.” Turning her back to Luckas, Dee was at a loss at the mention of magically constructed tunnels, but she smiled when Luckas talked about ‘miscalculations in teleporting’. Did she even know of anyone with such a talent before? How would they be able to get through the walls otherwise? If they did bring them down, who is to say the tunnels wouldn’t collapse. More problems were arising than solutions, a painful swell of doubt aching in her chest. Still, she wouldn’t give up just yet.

Dee spun back around, grabbed the metal chair and hiked up her dress so that she could sit backwards, her arms hanging limp over the back as she leaned forward. “Olivia and Marcus are dangerous enough. They are just as much a part of the game as the women in blue.” Cocking her head inquisitively, Dee smiled at Luckas. “Ezekiel? Is that the same as Zeke? I’ve heard his name mentioned by many, not just here. Is he...your superior as well? Hmm, good to know what will keep Amber entertained..in case it comes to that. I think there’s going to be an issue with keeping out of Olivia’s way. Would there be serious punishment for stealing from superiors or harming someone within the same rank?”

Deidra rubbed at her eyes, “Power...money and numbers, make it easier for that goal..whatever it is..wait..” She froze, slowly her deep brown eyes widened, remembering that Kyle only told her that there was an Eclipse but when she had talked to him, there wasn’t any other news. “D..Dastan? He’s alive then?” She asked meekly, taking several breaths before she continued. “You...know it was them who did this? Do you know for sure? Who else do you know for sure they have attacked? You said for centuries they’ve been..working to stay unnoticed but now you call them reckless. Maybe even the best kept secrets just have a way of surfacing. Do you know anything about war strategies, Luckas? If you want little to no resistance then you take out whomever is a threat, no? You wait patiently for a weak moment to take out an enemy and it seems like that is what happened to ..Dastan and his people. Perhaps they were trying to destroy them in numbers and credibility, but again it is speculation. There has to be something that connects all this destruction…”

Luckas shook his head while listening to Dee, head low as he put her words into consideration. “Marcus and Olivia are small, Deidra; trust me. It’s not just the tunnel’s depth that you won’t have the time to see, but I’ve been here a while. As far as the game goes they have no clue they are even playing it. Marcus is arrogant, greedy, that makes him easy to manipulate. Olivia... I’ve not met her, but I do know she ranks way too low for her life to matter should it come to that. Not unless someone has a genuine fondness for her, enough to want to protect her; as it was the case with Amber. I wouldn’t count on that from Marcus. You’re new and frightened; that’s how she sees you, so she would want to have you believe otherwise, but she knows very well she’s disposable. No one cares if a Grey worker dies as long as the work is still done. As much as crossing anyone in any other position, as they are all above yours, could get you killed if caught. They don’t even need a reason to kill you either though. Amber does it for kicks, so could Marcus, or me...” Luke grimaced at his own words. That was not the kind of game he liked to play at all.

Luke snorted, listening in for any movement outside, a disdainful smile crossing his expression at the mention of Zeke. “Ah, yes, dear old Zeke. No, he’s not really my superior. As far as ranks go, we’re equals. So is Amber. Ranks are not everything though. The nature of Zeke’s duties makes him almost vital to the operation. If I were to harm him I’d need a much better reason than ‘he keeps insisting I’m a traitor’.” Luckas smirked, seeming amused. After all, he was exactly that. “Even Amber can’t touch him and there’s very little Amber can’t or won’t do.”

Luckas silenced for a moment when the subject changed to the Crimson Shadows, maybe it was not the smartest thing to reveal that much to Dee now, but it was already done. No point in trying to take it back. “The leader of the Crimson is alive. Although I’d assume, considering the situation, that he’s not very thrilled with that fact.” Luke stood and stretched with a weary groan. “I have no confirmation this originated here, but let me tell you; they could do it and make it look easy. Besides, the Crimson were driven away from the desert once. The Wolfpack took them in at the time, but they wouldn’t do so now. Not after...” He snorted, once again hesitating. “Their Alpha was found dead. It is said that he drowned in the lake in their encampment... There were no signs of a struggle, they are... Considering the possibility of a suicide, but there are those less willing to believe that. This one, I’m not sure of. It could be a coincidence, or it could be related.”

Deidra nodded along to Luckas’ words, quietly contemplating every angle she could think of in that moment. Of course Olivia knew she is disposable; that was why she felt the need to threaten Dee last night. Dee had the potential to replace Olivia for work and for Marcus’ own comforts. Olivia seemed to enjoy the attention she received from the man, no matter how harsh, because attention was better than none at all to her. It meant there was still a reason to keep her around. Dee could use this to her advantage but had to be cautious something this simple didn’t take her life before the end game. How much would she really be able to find out?Even Luckas, whose position was higher than herself in access to the ongoings around them, was still in the dark to their ultimate goal it seemed; but that wasn’t why Dee was there. Truth be told, that would be an added bonus, but Matt didn’t send Dee here expecting her to discover that.

Dee cringed at the all too familiar notion of others taking lives for granted and treating people as meaningless except for their own amusement. The way Luckas talked about ‘killing for kicks’ was something Dee had witnessed before, so it was no surprise that people thought and acted that way. What made Dee so sick to her stomach was how widespread and out of control such actions had become. That was why she felt she was here, because on so many levels, this kind of thinking needed to stop; or at least maybe interrupt that flow of power these people were abusing. “Arrogance is weakness because it makes people comfortable.” Dee muttered half to herself as she continued to ponder over her situation. Arrogance was something she could definitely exploit. “So we make sure they remain comfortable...for now..”

Deidra had prepared herself for the most unpleasant of things she may encounter, to the best of her ability, but she still couldn’t deny the twinge of pain in her gut at the mention of Dastan. She hadn’t been lying when she had said to him that she may have not jumped to volunteer for this if she had met him first. The idea made her feel selfish and weak, but she knew she couldn’t beat herself up for feeling she may not have to sacrifice herself. Wasn’t it only human to want to survive? Deidra thought she had accepted she would die here, but now that she was hearing about the attack on the Crimsons and how thankfully Dastan was still alive, she wanted to escape. Dee wanted to be at too many places at once, and the distraction would become a problem if she couldn’t bring her thoughts in line. Perhaps she could make some changes to her plans but then again, would it botch her quest and get more than just herself killed in the long run?

“I’ll keep your secret, Luckas.” Deidra turned, rightly nervous when she went to look Luckas in the eye. She managed to hold his gaze, to affirm that she was being truthful in her word. Besides, what would she really gain from telling such a secret? Nothing useful to her at least.



~~~~~~~
~Otium 16-Early Afternoon~

Essence had made the journey in silence to the Crimson Shadows camp with a few of her Raven companions and a wagon of supplies. Matthew had been generous in sending all that they could, including a letter with Mageria’s seal that Ess carried in her satchel meant for Dastan’s eyes only. She had no idea what it said but she knew it was important and probably the expected sympathies and reassurances of the Ravens if the Crimson needed anything. A few of the men and women that traveled with her, were asked to stay on in the Crimson camp as needed with any and all assistance, while Keith was there as a messenger, hoping to take back any news pertinent to Matthew before the end of the day. Some things just couldn’t be trusted to a bird messenger.

When they arrived, Ess slid down off of Shockwave, Tala and Beo bolting what appeared to be out of nowhere and flanking either side of Essence as she pulled down her hood. All of the Raven’s were cloaked in black, each one adorned with ebony feathers, where even some of the horses complimented their riders. Ess had traveled in disguise, but once one of the Crimson approached, who the others addressed as ‘Jackson’, the woman let her wrinkled features and greying hair fade back to her normal porcelain doll-like features.

“Sorry we’re late..” Keith grunted, extending his hand to meet Jackson’s in a firm handshake, “..Matt kept adding more to the wagon. I thought it might buckle at the rate he was going.” The man forced a smile, motioning for the other men to continue onwards with the supplies.

“Late? We didn’t even know you were coming.”Jackson quirked a brow.

Ess shook her head, “Another example of our raven’s not getting through. I’m telling you Keith, we are missing some. Makes you wonder what is happening to them.”

Keith nodded, “Probably why Matt is asking us to carry most messages ourselves.”

“How is Dastan? Will he see us?”

Jackson’s eyes were red, dark bags swollen beneath his sad gaze as he smiled, “I didn’t catch your name…”

“This is Jake’s sis, Jackson. Essence.”

Jackson nodded, “Of course...Darren’s your son, right? You just missed him. He left with Annie this morning.”
“Darren was here?” Ess asked quite intrigued by the information.

“Great help that kid was. Good guy...Can’t really believe he’s your kid though. You don’t look old enough..”

Ess let her eyes fall, the comment saddening her as a clear reminder of her past and how old she was when she had given birth to Darren, but she shrugged. “I’ll take that as a compliment…”

“More wolves?” Someone called from behind Jackson, causing Ess to giggle and yell back, pointing to Tala proudly. “She’s the mamma...and the others are her pups.”

“...Pups? What, did she breed with a bear?” The blond haired man trotted up beside Jackson, pausing and stepping back a few paces as if unsure if they were as friendly as Sora and Kaya.

“Beo? He does look like a mini bear, doesn’t he?” She laughed.

“Yes, yes, they are adorable and scary..man eating squishes.” Keith joked, his amusement touching his eyes but his expression was serious. “We really do need to see Dastan..if he’s..up to visitors. Please..”

“...Whatever it is, you may just have to tell me Keith. Indrani is bedridden and Dastan..I’m not sure if he’s up for visitors..”

“I can’t do this.” Indrani protested, trying to sit up on the makeshift cot.

Dastan snorted. “Jackson can be a Commander. He can be just as good at it as you if not better; but he... can’t... lead. I need you to do this.”

“I can’t even get out of this bed right now.” She scoffed. “We have a leader, you’re our leader.”

“Not anymore. Not now. I can’t be. Not for this.” He objected.

“If we have to fight this, then we’ll fight it. All of us.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Indrani. We’re reduced to nothing. All that is left are civilians... Men women and children unfit to wield a weapon... We are NOT an army. We came together to preserve something of our past, of our homes. Going into war preserves nothing. The Crimson’s place is here, with them, for them. And I can’t...” He took a deep breath, looking away from his sister. “You and Jackson won’t be affected by this. Whatever happens, you’ll make it through it, as for me...”

“You’re not going to die!” Indrani shouted, glaring at her brother as if he was misbehaving.

“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t... That’s not the point. The point is that right now I’m dying, just like every other enlightened in Valcrest. And I can’t be sitting here, waiting for the healers to find an answer or the Ravens to find a culprit... I can’t tell myself it’s not personal or that it’s not my business, not anymore. At the same time, I can’t involve the clan in this. Someone has to look out for them, and it can’t be me. Not now.”

“And it can be me?” Indrani laughed.

“You’ve taken care of me, you can handle them. I mean, they don’t drink as much for starters.”

Indrani laughed, poorly disguising a whimper at the pain it caused her. “At least your sense of humor is back.” She snorted.

“Yeah, well... I’m going to need it the way things are going.” He sighed, kissing her forehead before taking his leave from the temple. “Take good care of yourself, sis.”

Dastan exited the temple, squinting at the sunlight. He hadn’t gone outside since the pyre had gone out the night before and he hadn’t seen the light of day since this whole mess started. He didn’t seem to notice or care that he wasn’t wearing a shirt, or shoes. His hands and face were caked with sand and ash... He was sober and angry. He didn’t want to be either, but there was no helping that. Nothing was going to help that. Not any time soon. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but it didn’t matter. Dastan spotted the visitors at a distance and flinched. He could easily walk away, not deal with any of it, hide; again... He sighed, wiping his hands on his trousers and running them through his hair as he started to walk in their direction.

“Jack, I thought I told you to get some sleep.” He muttered, stopping beside the man.

Jackson snorted. “Find me someone to run this camp and I will.” He smiled at Keith. “Well, there you have him.”

“Y’know, if someone’s gonna ‘have me’, no offense pal, but you wouldn’t be my first choice.” Dastan told Keith, playfully winking at Ess and forcing a half-smile at her. “Long time no see, birthday girl.” He glanced at the wagon of supplies and his smile shut, a sigh escaping his lips. “I see news travel... It’s, what, the second time Newhaven boys have sent us aid.” He snickered. “The second time they send me a pretty redhead too. Although you are yet to kick my ass, Miss Talon.” He smirked. “We ought to remedy that someday.”

Ess opened a generously, sweet smile when Dastan approached, her eyes lingering briefly over his bare chest. “Hey, handsome…” She let her eyes drift over the man, finally finding his gaze and her smile faded. There was no pity in her gaze, only the curious desire to know what the man was thinking. “It seems like you’re the one in need of a cloak now, no?” Her tone was lighthearted, gentle but firm as she stepped forward and placed a hand on the man’s arm. “I thought we were friends Dastan. You know there is no need for formalities..or do I indeed need to kick your ass in order for you to call me Ess?”

Keith quirked a brow, “Are you surprised we came, Shaykh?”

“Friends help each other,” Ess insisted, “especially when they don’t ask for it.” Ess shook her head. “The idea of sparring with you though is a bit... intimidating, I will admit...I hear you are an admirable opponent.”

Wrapping her arm through Dastan’s, she began to walk with Keith, leading the dirty mercenary along as they spoke. “How is your sister? I am sorry I wasn’t here sooner with the rest of my family. I..hear she likes horses? Maybe when she’s feeling better she can meet Shockwave.”

Once they had walked a little ways, Ess turned towards Keith and eyed him intently, “I don’t know how long you plan on staying before reporting back to Matt, but shouldn’t you make your rounds?” Ess’ brows furrowed and she glanced back towards the others in a hinting fashion, Keith gathering her meaning rather quickly.

“I’ll stop back before I make my leave, Shaykh.”

Ess sighed, reaching into her satchel, half noticing Tala and Beo wandering off after Keith to explore as she retrieved the sealed letter and handed it to Dastan. “I don’t know what is in there..above my head and all..but I do know it was meant for your eyes only...and Matt said to burn it afterwards. He said it was important that only you read it..that it had to do with you.” Ess shrugged, giving the man’s arm a squeeze, still clinging to him as she looked over the area, thinking how she had never been to the desert before. “Perhaps it has to do with the argument Keith and Matthew were having before we left. They don’t know I heard, but still it wasn’t enough to know exactly what they were talking about, except..”

A bit of sand stirred within a breeze, Ess squinting to protect her eyes, turning her back to the wind so that she was now facing Dastan and released his arm. “Do...do you believe sometimes the few need to be sacrificed in order to save the many? That’s what they were arguing over; about if it’s a personal choice to self sacrifice that it’s ok but if others choose for them..it’s not right.”

Dastan seemed confused when Ess mentioned he needed a cloak, staring down at himself and then looking back at her with a shrug. “There was blood on my shirt... I had to get rid of it.” He smirked. “And apparently I threw my shoes at Jackson when he was trying to... ‘convince’ me to leave the temple yesterday. I have no idea where they ended up really. Out the window, maybe.” The man shook his head, half smiling at her again. “It’s not as much a formality to call someone by surname here as it is a... Show of respect, so to speak.” He smirked. “But if you kick my ass hard enough I’ll call you anything you like.”

Dastan snorted at Keith’s question. “I’m not surprised you’ve come, just at how quickly you’ve come. Jake is not back from Newhaven yet, or he wouldn’t be by the time you left your camp, so... I assume one of Crys’ boys brought you the news then.”

The mercenary allowed himself to be dragged along, seeming a bit unsteady in his steps, at first just nodding along to Ess’ words until she handed him the letter. Dastan stared at it for a few moments and decided to open it later, looking up at her and speaking with yet another shrug. “Indrani is... Well... She’ll recover. I think she’s just frustrated for having to stay in bed. Not like she has a choice.” He scratched the back of his head, looking around as if not wanting to be overheard. “The horses got spooked during the... Commotion... The boys haven’t found them all yet, but... There’s not really many places to go. I just haven’t told her about it. And I haven’t told her about the Alpha’s death. I’m assuming you heard about that too? With everything that happened, everything he’s done...” He shook his head. “I don’t care how or why the man died, but I doubt Indrani would see it the same way.” He looked over the sealed letter with a frown, thinking over her question to him. “Choice is relative. Think of what or how many you’d be willing to sacrifice for, say, your son, or your brother. You’d do that for them, without a second thought, but if it was up to them, would that be their choice? Are you choosing for them in that situation? And at times if we’re standing too close to something, we’re not able to make the best choices; even for ourselves. Yesterday I would’ve gladly sacrificed just to not be a living reminder of what happened here. And if it was entirely up to me... Well, I’m not the best to making decisions right now. I had that pointed out to me a few times.” He paused for a few moments, before continuing. “I think in the end sacrifice can never be right or wrong, only necessary or... not.”

Essence laughed, playfully winking at her friend, “..You are tempting..however I am a Lady, and a Lady resists temptation.” She quirked a brow, glancing away from Dastan and eying her wolves in the distance, “You have always been respectful, handsome. Even beneath our ‘colorful’ comments to one another, it was there. Something rare from my experience..” Ess brought her full attention to the mercenary, letting her violet gaze focus on his deep browns, “You..know..Tala is an excellent tracker. Beo is still learning but he follows his mamma’s lead and I’m sure if there are saddles with the horse’s scent or something around that has their smell...Tala could find them. If It helps. I want to help..”

Any trace of a smile or amusement fell when Dastan talked about sacrifice and what Ess would do for her son or brother in order for them to survive. She felt slightly insulted at the insinuation of what she would do for them and at the same time, was it not true? “You do have a point on choice being relative..like if I was told that in order for Darren to live, I had to murder an entire village of women and children...I wouldn’t; I couldn’t. I would not sacrifice your life for mine. But if someone told me today, that there was a way for me to sacrifice my own life for my village that was burned down when I was a child, and they would live...I would do it in a second. The few...for the many. I understand that.” She bit down on her bottom lip, her fingers finding a few loose curls and wrapping the strands tightly around her knuckles as she pondered the idea.

“Keith was upset because he doesn’t believe in leaving any one of us at the Nest behind, especially if it can be helped. I’m not sure who or what exactly he was talking about but he brought up the fact that the Captain would at least exhaust all options before even considering leaving one of her people behind. I think...I think what I love the most about my ‘brothers and sisters’ is that even with all the darkness we all have suffered through in our own personal trials, together we hold onto that spark of hope that no one should be sacrificed and that all can be saved.” Essence sighed, turning her gaze away from her friend, her voice falling to a whisper, “Even if it’s not always true...I believe if more people tried...if more people didn’t just stand by...that we would have a chance at change.” Looking back up at the mercenary she was reminded of a conversation she had had long ago with Jacob, her eyes squinting once again from the dust and watering when some specs accumulated along her lashes. “Sometimes, those who have the power to create change, stand by and do nothing. Sometimes by doing nothing, they are just as detrimental to others as those who commit the atrocities…”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qMUOPK65sY


“Allison was telling me just yesterday, how she hated the fact her brother had to die so that she could live. That she resented that sacrifice, but at one point she had to choose to accept it and live. It reminded me of my mother. My mother, she died when I was born. So, obviously, I never knew her. Indrani’s parents were the only parents I knew, but my brothers knew our mother and they suffered her loss. One day I asked one of them if he would rather I hadn’t been born so that she could still be alive. He slapped me across the face, on her behalf; he said, and told me she would never forgive either one of us for thinking such a thing. She would be alive, but she would have lost a piece of her heart. ‘Would you bring her back to life only to suffer, brother?’, he asked me. I was a boy still, the concept of something being worse than Death itself was lost on me until then... I didn’t understand how giving up my life for someone could possibly be hurting them... It’s a tough lesson for a child to learn.”

Dastan began to walk towards the place the horses were kept. “If your friends can help us track down our strays, I won’t refuse them. “ He stretched his arms over his head and groaned, laughing under his breath. “Sleeping on rocks... I do not recommend.” Dastan ran his left hand over his hair once again, mumbling that he needed a bath... his fingers trailed the scar on the back of his head and he frowned, stopping in his tracks to look at Essence. “Deidra.... Have you... Have you heard from her since the party?” He asked, resuming his walk in a slower pace, half distracted by his thought. “I remember... She had me quite worried about whatever she was about to go do. She sounded a bit... Scared.” Dastan frowned for a moment as if remembering something that happened mere days ago took him effort. “Your boy, Matthew, called her away, for a job; she said, and... I don’t know...” He shook his head. “She gave me one of those ‘in case I don’t come back’ goodbyes... Didn’t give me a good feeling at all.”

Dastan stopped walking when they reached the makeshift stables, the few horses that had returned or been retrieved were loose within the confines of a large circular pen. Dastan approached the fence and leaned against it. One of the remaining Crimson was inside with the animals and ran over to them. “Shaykh.” He greeted, bowing his head slightly. “We’re still missing Rocky and Buttons and...” The man sighed. “Mirage, she... Still refuses to eat.”

Dastan sighed softly. “Bring the saddles and harnesses that belong to the missing horses, please, Lance. I’ll have a look at her as soon as I can.”

The mercenary nodded his agreement and wandered off to fetch the equipment.

Essence watched Dastan as he spoke, absently walking with him when he moved and mirroring his stance as he leaned against the fence at the stables. It was almost like a dance, her eyes never leaving his face as she studied the slightest mannerisms in his expression as he talked of personal matters, to the slight change when one of his people approached. Internally she was taking notes. It was a habit how she memorized him but it was not for the same reasons she normally studied people, even though that was part of it. Ess wanted to remember him and the many faces she had already seen in her few encounters with the man. As she mulled over his words, letting them sink in, Ess thought she saw something familiar in her friend’s eyes that reminded her of herself.

“I’m sorry…” she paused, “..I feel like sometimes tragedy and loss is what connects me to others; what draws me in, but I guess that isn’t such a bad thing. My mother...she died when I was born too. My father...he died trying to protect me when my village was burned to the ground and I was sold into a brothel at seven years old. The blood I was covered in at the ball...was from my ‘Mistress’.” Ess sighed, folding her arms across her chest, a devilish smile touching her eyes. “The Squealer...er…” she laughed, “..my blood brother, apparently harbored a grudge against me for things I had no control over. He blamed me for my mother’s death and felt I was favored above him because I looked like her. Ian believed I should have died and our mother live. He was partially responsible for my time in the brothel and he ended up working for the people behind the sword and eye symbol, who worked with Darren’s father as well. There’s evidence those people were responsible for my village and possibly others. I thought Ian..was dead...but I found him...and burned him alive so he could feel a fraction of what the people of my village felt.” Ess was nonchalant about how she tortured Ian, so much it was kind of sad. “I peeled flesh off his face so he would know how betrayal felt..having pieces of one’s self stripped away, layer by layer….”

Unfolding her arms she gripped the rails of the fence, propping herself so she could cross her ankles when she leaned, moving the conversation away from Ian. “Loss hurts, no matter the circumstance, but I do know my father loved me so much that he was willing to die in order for me to live. I can’t begrudge him for that when I understand that every time I look at Jake or Darren..well anyone I’ve come to care for. I know they wouldn’t want me to die for them and I wouldn’t choose to if there was another option, but sometimes I am a bit...eh reckless.”

Ess’ smile softened at the mention of Deidra, “Oh, you think the reason she gave you a kiss was because she might not come back? That was probably just an excuse.” A thoughtful and slightly worried demeanor took hold of her, causing her to slouch in her posture. “..What did she say to you? All I know is Matt said she was off doing a favor for someone and asked him not to tell anyone about it..and that she should be back in a couple weeks if...all goes well. I haven’t seen her since the party. I’m a bit worried too.”

Placing two fingers between her lips, Ess released a high pitched whistle that made her own ears ring, distant barks her response as the wolves made their way towards her and Dastan. “Mirage...I like that name. You know..if you don’t have any luck with that one eating, can always ask Aiden. Beast Speakers come in handy sometimes, I tell ya.” She snickered, “Rocky and..um..Buttons...ha..is it? That is actually quite adorable. Is there a Tulip?”

“Why Tulip?” Dastan asked, chuckling at Ess’ comment on the horse’s name. “Buttons... I think one of the kids named her. After Rocky and Sandy, I retired from naming horses, on my sister’s request.” Dastan heaved a weary sigh, shaking his head and jumping over the fence. He nodded towards the gate and opened it for Ess to pass. “See the pale grey one over there? That’s Mirage. Indrani rescued her from a merchant about three years ago, ugliest thing we’d ever seen... skin and bone, she was. Jackson wanted to put her down, but my sister is stubborn and she wouldn’t have it. Indrani nursed her back to health and beyond. She’s the fastest horse we have. Could beat Shadow in a race easily. Unfortunately, she is also terribly spoiled and I think she’s just feeling Indrani’s absence.”

He walked along the fence, approaching the grey mare. “Isn’t that right, you big stubborn baby? Hm?” He taunted. Mirage reacted to Dastan’s call, shaking her head and slowly approaching the man. “There she is.” He smiled, running his palm along the horse’s neck, slowly leading her towards the feeders as he answered Ess about Deidra. “It’s not because she gave me a kiss. I know I was perfectly charming. It was very much deserved.” He snorted, faking annoyance for a moment before his tone turned serious. “No, she was worried. She mentioned having volunteered for something and I don’t know, she got all serious after Matt called her up. Plus she literally said ‘in case I don’t see you’ and ‘I would have regretted otherwise’.” Dastan frowned, noting that Mirage persistently ignored the oats that were placed right before her.”Come on now, baby girl, eat your food...” He whispered. “I’m going to be in so much trouble if you get sick.” He shrugged. “Either way, I was just wondering if you’d heard anything. She did say she wanted to see me again... I’m not one to disappoint a lady.”

Ess smiled down at Beo and Tala as they approached, muttering commands for them to stay behind the fence, not wanting to upset Mirage and stress her out more than she already was. Ess went to turn to see where Shockwave was, about ready to head out on their search when she heard a whinny, a flurry of white trailing out of the corner of her eyes and by the time she found the stallion, Ess had spun around in almost a full circle, just to catch the horse leaping over the fence and prancing around happily. It seemed like he was dancing around in circles as a display before the other horses.

“Pfft...Show off…” Ess snorted, “Well Dastan...let us just hope Deidra knows what she is doing and is safe..whatever she is up to. Twins have mercy on her enemies if she is not otherwise..”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Early Next Day: Otium 17th, Blackpond


Deidra groaned, turning a bit too quickly and banging her head against the stone wall. “Damnation by all that is unholy…” When she tried to sit she fell off her pathetic excuse for a bed, cursing some more.

’Dee? Sorry to wake you..’

’Shut up Kyle. This was the first moments peace I’ve had in two days.’

’You knew this was going to be far from easy, Deidra..’

’ Yea? You try staying up for over a day just to finish sewing dresses for an unreasonable quota made by an envious, psychotic bitch who wakes up early just to torment the few moments of sleep I get. And don’t tell me to not worry about Oliva, like others have because obviously I need to figure out how to dissolve the issue that is crazy so I can live long enough to find out what is down those stupid tunnels!’

There was an uncomfortable silence that passed for several minutes, Dee gently rubbing the side of her head to dull the throbbing ache. As things became clearer and her crankiness subsided, Dee’s heart sank, twanged by a hint of guilt. ‘I’m sorry Kyle...’

‘No, Dee Dee, I should have let you be, but I was very worried about you. You shut me out and it was driving me nuts. I should know better than to talk to you like I know better..especially because I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through.’

Dee shook her head, crawling to her knees to stand and quickly glance around her room to ensure she was alone. Pulling her bed away from the wall, she settled in the dirt and lit a candle. The wax was almost spent, but it emitted just enough light to shadow the outline of the maze she had started and the map of the area above ground.

’Alright Kyle, can you see this? Each x I marked is where I’ve found the symbol so far. They aren’t in obvious places. Mostly in the arcs in the doorway, hidden behind the torches. Those were felt engraved into the wood, which is similar in the establishments that keep a lot of foot traffic. Other locations, the marks are faded and in places people wouldn’t normally look.

Kyle was silent, listening intently to Deidra as she talked, explaining more and more the little details she thought weren’t important but could somehow become of great value later on. He took the time to sketch down what Dee had drawn in the dirt, indicating to her it was ok to smear what she had of a map so far, the woman pushing her bed back into position. Kyle started to list off the names Dee provided with the assumed chain of command those names held.

’But..wait Deidra, if you technically haven’t had face to face contact with this Zeke fellow, how do you know..’
’Trust me Kyle..just trust me.’

’Dee. You know you can’t trust anybo-’

’ You’re doing it again, Kyle. Telling me what I already know. But it makes sense, based on what I’ve encountered and what Ess told Matt, remember?’[i] Dee sighed. [i]’Listen, I need to get a bit of sleep before the grind begins in a couple hours. I need to be on my toes. I’ll talk to you later, ok?’

Kyle didn’t even have time to protest and his friend was already gone. If he left the outskirts of Blackpond now, he would be able to make it back around this time the next night. He had barely enough leeway to see Matthew, give his report and return back. He dreaded being gone long in case Dee needed him and the distance made it impossible to protect her, the little that he could.

~That Morning~

Deidra was seconds from opening the door to her room to be escorted upstairs to the shop when she was surprised to hear a gentle rapping. When she didn’t respond to the knock, the door opened, Marcus slipping inside, closing it most of the way behind him. Stretching, he leaned casually against the wall, purposely blocking the exit. Marcus smiled down at Dee in such a manner to make her skin crawl and cause her to step back, bumping into her cot. She didn’t hear anything the man said when she recoiled from him as he drew near. Deidra’s ears started to ring, her skin prickling as she broke out into a cold sweat from his hot breath upon her neck and she couldn’t help her reaction when she shoved him back, attempting to escape out the door.

Marcus had pinned her face down against the wall, the partially opened door to her left. The man probably interpreted Dee’s hesitation as submission and that is what it ended up turning into, but her initial thought was of how easily she could take the man down and escape. Instead, she focused on her purpose there, resisting her instincts to break the man’s pelvic bone and crush his throat.

Deidra complied when he told her not to scream, turning her cries inward when it seemed to go on forever. She prayed to the Twins Kyle couldn’t hear her, hoping he was too far, but she knew that was only a delusion. Again her hearing faded as if she went deaf, her body going numb defensively blocking out the attack. The moment she thought it was over, Marcus turned her to face him whispering in what the man believed to be in an act of affection, “We aren’t leaving here until we’ve both been satisfied.”

Dee closed her eyes, trails of tears staining her cheeks and when she opened them again in the direction of the door she so wanted to smack Marcus’ head against, she found herself staring into the familiar, cold eyes of Oliva. The woman had been watching, a cruel sneer curling her lips. For a moment, Dee was afraid, but more than anything she was outraged. She hated the way the woman watched and resented Dee for an act that was clearly against her will. She hated the way her body betrayed her soul in that moment and she despised how much she wanted to fight back but couldn’t. The only thing she had to look forward to was getting rid of Olivia before she could do the same to Deidra. At least now she no longer pitied the woman. There would be no guilt, no sympathy for whatever end lay in wait for her special friend.


~~~~~~~
~Later That Night~

“What are you doing!? Stop!” Deidra pleaded when Seth grabbed a fistfull of hair and begain dragging her down the stairs from the shop into an unfamiliar room below. He shoved her inside, closing the door behind him, nodding to the figures behind Dee. It took the woman a second to focus on the others around her; Olivia bruised and bleeding on the floor, still managing a glare outwardly towards Deidra and Marcus towering over the women firmly gripping a switch in both hands.

“You don’t believe me? Get someone to read my mind! I’m telling the tr-” Olivia was cut off when Marcus brought the switch down across the woman’s face, cutting open her right cheek.

“The evidence is clear and we don’t need to bother the others for such a trivial matter, right? I can take care of this.” Marcus turned his attention towards Deidra, kneeling down in front of her as Seth spoke.

“Her room is clear. We didn’t find anything on her.” Seth grunted, his eyes flickering between Olivia and Deidra, a subtle uneasiness fleeting beneath his expression.

“Deidra..” Marcus began, “..did you see Olivia stealing any coin?” He tilted his head to the side, reaching out and gently caressing Dee’s cheek.

Deidra cringed, avoiding the man’s eyes at first, and shrugged. “I dunno. Not exactly.” She stiffened, Marcus gripping the woman’s shoulder, lifting her chin with the switch to look into her eyes.

“The truth now. If I find out you’re lying..or you helped her..” Marcus dug his fingers into Dee’s arm, tapping the sides of her face with the switch. “Huh? Did you see her stealing from us?”

Dee was grateful for the pinching, her eyes swelling with tears just at the right moment and she began to shake. “I saw that first day, you treated her with some of her own...but…” Deidra’s eyes danced from Marcus to Olivia, the woman glaring daggers into her. Dee began to sob, an empathetic look of worry and concern for the woman as she continued. “Olivia..I’m so sorry…” Dee turned back towards Marcus and nodded. “..She said she would kill me if I told. I was only trying to stay alive.”

“No! No, she’s lying! She must have taken it! Why would I betray you Marcus?”

“When, Olivia?” He turned and stood, moving back away from Dee. “When has she ever been left alone above surface?”

Olivia began to sob, her pleading never ceasing as Marcus extended the switch across the woman’s back over and over again. The more the woman pleaded, the harder he thrashed her, kicking her when she tried to roll away. Marcus paused to catch his breath, keeping his back to Deidra and Seth, “Deidra, you can go back upstairs to watch the shop now. Seth, you can take her.”

Seth mumbled a compliant response to the command and yanked Deidra to her feet. Dee appeared startled by the display, a disgusted expression filling her eyes as she stared at Marcus. When he continued the beating on Olivia, her stare trailed down, a spiteful smile spreading across her lips as she made eye contact with the woman and winked before turning to leave.

When Seth and Dee reached the bottom of the stairs, she turned towards the guard, quirking a brow. “Now..don’t you forget what I did for you back there.” The man’s normally annoyed demeanor towards Dee was now one of relief, a brief smile passing from his eyes as he reached into his pouch to retrieve an apple, handing it to her. “You better hide that. Save it for later.”

Dee went upstairs, going through the motions of picking up the mess from the commotion and closing up shop. She tucked the apple away in the back of a desk drawer while she cleaned a few spots of blood off the floor. Deidra had been scrubbing the spot for about a half an hour when the door opened and Marcus passed through the shop, not even stopping as he exited the building. Dee thought she caught him mumbling a complaint of sorts and the mention of Zeke before he disappeared for the night. Dee never saw what happened to Olivia’s body, but she assumed she wouldn’t be a bother anymore.

As before, she knew she couldn’t trust anyone in there, but now she had something over the guard, Seth. Dee had caught him stealing from the desk earlier that day and approached him later on with a proposition. In truth, the man could have taken care of Dee and denied any accusations, but he was amused at the idea of getting rid of Olivia. It was the perfect opportunity, as Dee had convinced the guard that Olivia was planting suspicion in Marcus’ ear against Seth. Even though it wasn’t exactly true, they successfully were able to plant the blame of the theft on the woman, mutually benefitting them both. At least for a little while.

Several Days Later


Deidra first heard the cries in her sleep. When she tried to wake, she only fell deeper from consciousness, unable to rise from her slumber. Morning came, and there was only silence, except that it was the most deafening sound in her mind.

Dee had been moved to Olivia’s old room which was attached to the tailor shop. Accomodations in her new dwelling came with both pros and cons. Physically, it was quite a distance from the tunnels but at the same time security was easier to get around; it was just riskier. Each day she would travel further and further in the direction Deidra was convinced she heard the whimpers, but all she was met with was that eerie silence.

She waited for the guard shift changeover before sprinting down a new corridor she had yet to explore. The walls felt different there; warmer and yet softer than the normal cold stone she was becoming accustomed to. Dee knew she had to get back before she was missed but then her hand seemed to fall away from the wall, the woman losing balance and tripping into the space she couldn’t see but felt. No sooner than she had regained her footing, the woman came to another wall, only this one was made of wood. She felt around as if testing to see if it were a door but she couldn’t find an edge or door handle. That was when she caught faint sobs coming from the other side of the wall. Dee leaned in, pressing her ear firmly against the solid wood and the sound stopped. It didn’t matter that it was pitch black down there and she couldn’t see a damn thing, but the woman still turned and stared at the spot her ear had resided at. “I can hear you..” She whispered, not wanting her voice to carry down the halls but hoping she could still be heard.

“I caan heear yooou..”

Dee startled, stepping back a few steps before rushing the wall and clinging to its smooth surface. The voice was distant and yet it sent chill down her spine. She thought it sounded similar to a young girl but it was hard to tell. “...Are you alright?”

There was a pause and when the disembodied voice echoed again, it carried a tune, a hint of amusement hidden behind the playful mockery. ”Are..YOU...alright?” The voice continued to sing, the words unknown to Deidra but meaningless as her arms went limp and she stared in a lifeless daze at the wall, slightly swaying to the song.

Deidra! What is going on? Don’t listen...Dee...Deidra!? Kyle’s voice was frantic in her mind and yet it seemed so far away in it’s incessant warning. And then, his voice was cut out completely and Dee was knocked back into coherent thought by a blinding light followed by shouting as she was knocked to the floor and dragged down the corridors by powerful hands.

“How the hell did this happen, Grace!? Where were you?”

“I told you, she’s willful and getting stronger. You didn’t want to believe me when I tried to tell you her voice carries.”

“Impossible..we reinforced the walls…”

“Obviously that didn’t hold. All due respect, perhaps we should have just let her have her fun and see what she would do.”

“She’s not ready…”

“Right, right...only when Mistress says..”

Deidra groaned, trying to open her eyes and only catching glimpses of blue and black before she was pushed up the stairs and tossed on top of a desk. She was disorientated, her head was pounding and Deidra wasn’t sure who was yelling louder at the moment as the voices melded together. It felt like an icepick jabbing at the base of her neck and along her temples.

“What happened…” Dee whispered, immediately pretending to remember less than she did. The switch was her answer, snapping like a whip across the right side of her face. A young brunette with blonde highlights dressed in all black, lowered herself to eye level with Dee. The look was terrifying, dark and cold. Deidra assumed it was the one addressed as Grace but before she could think anything more, the woman stepped aside for the Lady in blue.

“I will ask the questions here..” Amara’s face came into focus and a fit of panic gripped Dee, a tight squeeze crushing her heart making it hard to breathe. She wasn’t even allowed to answer, the woman in blue already pulling at her mind for the answers she seeked. Dee’s thoughts were in fragments, Kyle having already worked her cognizance to match her apparent disorientation and memory loss. Hopefully his handiwork would go unnoticed. For a moment after Deidra was released, Amara’s eyes were fixated for so long on her that she thought the woman was going to kill her. Instead Amara cursed, turning away from Dee as she moved to descend back down the stairs below.

“I’ll reinforce the barrier..just...make it clear to our new arrival how it is in her best interest to stay away from there completely.”

~~~~
Several Days Later

‘Dee Dee, you’re insane. Why must you push yourself; push your luck? This is your life we are talking about here..’ Kyle pleaded to Dee to stay in her room but the woman was far too stubborn to listen to him as she descended the stairs.

‘It’s been a few days since all that..things have calmed down, Kyle. Why don’t you tell me what happened, since you took away some of my memories..’

‘I could just given them back, Dee. I didn’t take them, they are just blocked.’

‘You know that’s too risky, Kyle...’

‘..Right, right...Well...we call it the Siren’s Call. It’s a form of telepathy, the source mainly in the form of song. It’s dangerous because the Siren doesn’t need to use a direct command to hypnotize its target, enslaving their mind to their own. I’ve only heard of a couple people having this gift and all from books. You had absolutely no control over yourself Dee. Almost like a dream where you understand what’s going on but powerless to prevent it and yet you want to do whatever it is they make you do. It stems from the myth of Mind and Heart’s first child.l’

‘The one that went batshit crazy and was sent to hell?’ Dee snorted, purposely avoiding the same dark hallway and taking another turn to explore, her nose scrunching up at a faint odor of decay and waste. It reminded her of the room she first woke up in. ‘ You were able to interrupt it though, Kyle, right? Or was that because of Grace?’

‘ Probably both, actually...besides a firm smack to the face, it can take a lot more to break someone of their haze; or so I read. In the myth...the sobs or cries of the child were the first indications of her gift, a subtle tactic in drawing in her targets.’

‘Aw, shit..’

‘..when the girl got older, for reasons I’m unsure of, she tried to control humans. Everything from their thoughts to their actions and it drove her mad. You can imagine what a huge threat that would be to Valcrest..’

‘..You think she went insane because maybe she had..that..oh what is it called…;

“Affinity. Yea...quite possible, course hard to tell. I honestly haven’t read that story since I was a kid. I don’t even know where one can find that except maybe the White Shadows.’

‘ She sounded really young though Kyle...Kyle?’

The man was silent for a while before allowing his thoughts to reach Deidra. ‘ Dee, how are you doing?’

‘No, Kyle. We aren’t doing this. Not now.’

‘..I shouldn’t have let you go, Deidra. I can’t stop thinking about it...’

‘Stop it Kyle. I don’t want to talk about Marcus. I’m still alive, aren’t I?’

Kyle held back his thoughts from Deidra, trying to tear his mind away from the constant memory of Dee’s whimpers and wails and how powerless he was. He was only good enough to sit by and witness it and if he left her because he couldn’t handle it it would be like abandoning her, but witnessing it and her knowing he did wasn’t too much better. Every day Marcus came for Dee and every day she let it happen, when all either of them wanted was for Dee to fight back. Keith wasn’t talking to Kyle as of late and he couldn’t honestly blame him. Maybe something like this was uncalled for; maybe there was another way.

‘...You won’t be in here much longer, Dee. We will be coming to get you out soon.’

‘ Already? But, there’s so much still to...’

’ ENOUGH, DEE. This is insanity! Self destructive and for what!?’

Silence lingered, Kyle beginning to feel poorly for his outburst. ‘ Dee Dee?’

‘ For them...’

‘ What? Who Dee?’

‘ Kyle..they’re here. I can hear them. The others...captives..’ Dee was pressing her ear against the stone wall, just like when she encountered the strange voice, only this time she could hear multiple voices. She felt a breeze at her feet, squatting down towards a space between the floor and the wall which allowed airflow. From there she could hear others pleading for help..to be let out. She had no way of knowing how long they had been there or if this were the exact room she had been held herself. All Deidra knew is that she had no idea how to get them out. There were no doors, no windows and from her experience the only way in and out was by some sort of teleportation. If only it wasn’t so dark and she could see, but she was no better than a mole rat.

‘ I don’t even know where to begin...’

‘Begin by surviving, Dee. Get back upstairs before Marcus or someone else comes looking for you..’

Dee was suddenly blinded by a bright light, as if several doors had opened, sunlight beaming down into the tunnels and flooding them. It burned her eyes, Deidra cowering in an attempt to shield herself and when the light faded she found herself in a room with one of the women in blue and a tall, dark skinned man she presumed to be Zeke. He stared at her as if he was seeing right through Deidra, the man’s voice lost to her as if she had suddenly become deaf. her eyes widened in a frantic panic when she realized she couldn’t hear anything, not even Kyle. He was gone; she couldn’t even feel him in the back of her mind as she crumpled into a heap upon the dirt floor. When the man’s eyes focused and met hers, Dee dropped the fearful act, a defiant smile pursing her lips as she was struck hard across the face, one of her teeth coming loose. Dee wiped at the bit of blood at her chin and spat the tooth at the man and shrugged.
A loud buzzing sound filled her ears as the man smiled back, kneeling down in front of Deidra, his lips moving but the woman still unable to hear what he said. Finally the buzzing faded, a chilling and smug voice echoed against the walls. “So..you think you’re strong, hmm? Let’s see just how strong..”

“...You don’t want us to kill her, Zeke?”

“No...I want whomever was listening to hear her scream...find out what she knows/ who is listening and then get rid of her. No more fuck ups, Marcus...make sure this gets done right.”

[Otium 17, morning]

Sam didn’t want to make a habit out of entertaining visitors in person, but this case was different, she wouldn’t pretend otherwise, so she commanded that particular unexpected visitor to be brought straight to her in the library. Ezekiel objected, as it was his usual lately, but Sam ignored him. It wasn’t that she didn’t see the danger in such a decision, rather she believed she hadn’t taken a close enough look at it yet. Crystal Rivers had a reputation that Sam could understand better than almost anyone; a great deal of it originated from name alone and another great deal from escaping Death’s clutches, repeatedly. That wasn’t to say the woman hadn’t earned said reputation, but what exactly she had done to earn it remained unknown, her nature remained unknown, and Sam wasn’t too pleased with not knowing. Ignorance was the only true danger in the world; she made that mistake before.

The woman was led into the room by a servant girl and shown to the seat across from Sam; a comfortable stuffed chair, identical to the one Sam herself was sitting on, lined with dark red velvet. In between the two chairs there was a short table with tea and biscuits. Sam smirked noting how the woman had not taken the seat as if calmly awaiting permission. “Please sit, Miss Rivers. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Crys smiled as she accepted the seat offered to her, her expression remaining unmoving although she was a bit amused at how direct that woman could be without coming off as aggressive. It was as though every little thing about her words was expertly calculated in the mere seconds it took her to speak them. “You know who I am.” She noted simply. “So you must know, or at least assume, the reason why I’ve come here. Probably the same reason why you agreed to see me instead of allowing your lackey to claim he was the one in charge of this place.”

“Lackey is a bit of a strong term. I’m sure you’d not enjoy it if I were to call the people under your command such a thing, would you?” Sam questioned calmly, pouring them both tea. “Besides, Zeke probably assumed you had come to talk business. If you have, Miss Rivers, he would be the man to talk to and I’d be only wasting your time. However, this is still my house. I’ve not denied that. In fact I’ve told the Black Knight Captain not too long ago exactly where to find me. You asked for the Lord or Lady of this Manor, and that is one claim I would never allow another to make on my behalf.”

“I have, brothers and sisters, Milady. You have lackeys. You can gather a pack of rats and call them wolves all you like: they still won’t howl at the moon.” Crys smiled accepting the tea that Sam was offering, holding the cup in her hands but not drinking. “I’ve heard plenty of this house, some stories truly bizarre, and I’ll admit they got me curious. As much as the fact that your people, or perhaps your... Associate’s people. Would associate be more acceptable? Perhaps his people have been everywhere in Blackpond pushing people away, but not us. They’ve stayed away from us.”

Sam chuckled at the woman’s words, calmly sipping from her cup of tea before replying. “Please, call me Sam. I absolutely detest being called a Lady in any way. I don’t have much tolerance for formalities of this sort. Perhaps you have a point, however it’d be unwise of anyone to underestimate a pack of rats. They are remarkably intelligent and resilient creatures; not to mention they are virtually anywhere and it is near impossible to get rid of them completely. Eliminating wolves completely would be just a matter of unleashing some expert hunters and laying some carefully placed traps. Predators are creatures of habits, Miss Rivers, while scavengers adapt to survive; if you poison one food supply after a couple of deaths they learn to avoid the poison and seek sustenance elsewhere. They smell it in the air, you see?”

“They also eat one another if food becomes scarce.” Crys pointed out, sipping the tea. “Am I the poison in this analogy then, Sam? And, since we are dismissing all formalities I would appreciate that you call me Crys.”

“Poison represents all forms of danger, Crys; so you tell me whether or not that applies to you and your own. I understand your presence in Blackpond and we have no actual interest in the city... It’s a convenient place to do business, but we don’t particularly mind who’s in charge of what. Nor do we require the city to be in its current state to operate there. If it’s your intention to change things who are we to get in your way? We could easily adapt or, worse case scenario, we could relocate. Let the wolves fight over territory while the rats live another day. There’s no shame in that.”

“Is that what you would call the nature of your business, Sam? Scavenging?” Crys questioned. “I see that the goal of a pack of rats is to feed... What are yours?”

“I’m an enabler, Crys. The nature of my business is that of all businesses, yours included. Name one, any one, and we’re involved as well. I could even help you in your goals if you like. I see no reason not to.”

“Alright, I’ll name one; child slavery.” Crys started. “That’s a business, Sam. How involved are you in that?”

Sam flinched, only slightly, taking her time with setting her empty tea cup on the table. “Asher Hearst is an associate, well... An associate of an associate would be a better way to put it. I know he is currently a wanted man for dealing with such things” She admitted. “Before you ask, I know nothing of the man’s whereabouts. Trust, I’d have no problem in handing him over to you or the Guard; I’m not particularly fond of him in any way, but he’s unfortunately too smart to disclose his location, even to us.” The woman grabbed a biscuit from the plate and bit into it, slowly chewing on it as if to give herself time to think. “I must insist, however, Crys, that if you’ve come here to talk business you direct your questions to Ezekiel. He would have better answers for you. I don’t usually concern myself with the particulars.”

“You know we’ve been hunting Asher.” Crys’ tone was noticeably displeased, she had only told Nicholas and one other person about this.

“Perhaps you’d want to ask his son where to find him.” Sam advised. “Estranged as they are he would still know the man’s habits better than anyone. I would know a thing or two about that. I know you had a close relationship with your father however, is that true? He must have been a remarkable man.”

“My father was the most remarkable man I’ve known.” Crys replied simply, emptying her cup of tea and setting it down. “I’m sorry you and your father didn’t get along, Sam. That must have been tough on you, no?”

“I adapted.” Sam replied dryly. “Not all can be born wolves, no?”

“No, not all can.” Crys agreed, a kind smile crossing her features. “We are more alike than I expected however. My mother taught me to never underestimate an opponent’s intelligence by telling them unnecessary lies. I can see that that’s a notion you clearly understand.”

“Your mother sounds like a smart woman. Were you as close to her as you were to your father?”

“Not exactly. We had a complicated relationship, she did some things I was really angry about, but... I understand her better now. I still loved her very much, we just disagreed about a lot of things.” Crys shrugged, helping herself to one of the biscuits. “So, what about your mother?”

“I was one year old when I saw her last. I do remember, at least I think I do, her telling me a story. My father said I was being ridiculous, that I couldn’t possibly remember; I was too young, but I remember. She told me how dragons would travel miles away from their lairs and lay their eggs in depths of a volcano. When the younglings would hatch they’d have to fend for themselves until they were old enough to find their way home. I always thought that meant that one day I’d find her again.” Sam chuckled softly at herself. “That probably won’t happen. I don’t remember anything of her besides that story. It’s unlikely that she’s still alive either way.”

Crys nodded along to Sam’s words. “You don’t think she’s still alive? I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, I really do.” Sam smiled. “See, you’re a very nice person, Crys. The Ravens’ Captain, she’s a nice person too. Not everyone would have admitted to killing a complete stranger’s loved one like that. That takes character, I appreciate that.”

“You have a strange way of appreciating people.” Crys snorted. “I mean, I’m sure that you understand what will inevitably happen.”

“Yes, but that has nothing to do with my appreciation. It’s not personal. If I took everything personally I wouldn’t be involved in so many things, Crys. That is the point of our little analogy, no? What separates us is the fact that I’ll do whatever it takes. If the cost is nice people like you, then so be it. I understand respecting my enemies, their abilities and intelligence, and appreciating their qualities. It doesn’t mean I’d sacrifice my objectives for them. In the end of the day we’re all but grains of sand. No one is special.”

“No one?” Crys questioned, a tone of disbelief in her words as she leaned forward to take another biscuit from the table. “I thought you told Mageria Luckas was very special to you. Was that not true?”

Sam froze halfway through reaching for the teapot, it was just a momentary flinch, but it was clearly there. She shook her head resuming the activity and refilling Crys’ cup without asking. “I didn’t lie, no. He is very special to me, but then I’m just a grain of sand as well; how much do I matter really?”

“Fair enough.” Crys chuckled. “I suppose that’s just a matter of perspective, no?”

“It’s the truth, that’s what it is. Maybe it’s not the most hopeful view of the world, but it’s undeniably true. Our wants and needs, all the pain we endure in Life, eventually our Deaths, are incredibly small occurrences in the end. So, my sacrifices mean so little in the grand scheme of things, I see no need to make that much of a deal of them. If they hurt it won’t be for long. Not even that lasts forever, right?”

“I guess that’s logical, in a way, Sam.” Crys smiled. “I just find it sad. I mean yes, eventually all pain subsides, and yes we’re all very small compared to the whole of the Universe; that’s true. However, I would much rather see the world from the point of view of a grain of sand. You know, I’d rather say that the Universe is so much greater than myself, than to think of it as I’m insignificant.” She stated simply, standing up from the chair as if excusing herself. “Our rationality should never take such hold of us that we survive without a reason to other than practical objectives. Life is in the details, in the smallest of things, I’d risk my survival any day for those little things. Those nice people aren’t just specks of sand to me. I’m a very nice person, as you can see, but I am a wolf at my core. Sad as your perspective may be and as much as I sympathize, and I do, keeping them alive is my objective; get in my way and I’ll show you what I do to hunters in my territory.”

“Such aggression, Miss Rivers. This is just the sort of thing that can cause a person a great amount of grief in life.”

“There’s only one way I know to avoid grief, Sam. And the toll that takes is one too high for me to pay.”

“Don’t you ever consider that if you had not been grieving your mother’s death, Crys, that you may not have lost your clan all those years ago?”

“That’s a possibility. Although, never losing anything would also mean never finding anything new. Where would I be if I had never gone anywhere or learned anything? Like I said; there is a price, one I’m not sure I’m willing to pay.”

“See, that’s where you and I differ... You believe paying that price is a choice you can make. I know for a fact it is not.” Sam snickered. “Sad as you may find my way of seeing the world, it is an inevitability that someone like you would eventually see it as well. The soul, much like every part of ourselves, has its limitations after all. If a person screams loud enough, for long enough, their voice inevitably gives, breaks. They lose the ability and the will to scream. They fade into silence, into compliance. Such is pain; feel it with enough intensity, for long enough, and it takes away your ability and your will to feel much of anything at all. You can allow yourself to die then, or you can live with what you’ve become, beyond that there is no choice. The people under my command, one way or another, understand this. What we are is something we have to accept in order to live and everything else is a consequence of that one choice.”

“Every action is a choice, Sam.”

“Actions are consequences of who and what a person is, Crys. A physical manifestation of one’s nature. Coming here, talking to me, that wasn’t as much a choice as it is a reflection of who you are. You need to know me, to understand. Then, if killing me becomes inevitable, you can tell yourself why. Here is where it becomes complicated though, because you do understand. If anyone is able to, it’s you. Not many people would be able to sincerely imagine a moment when pain becomes intense to the point it dulls everything else, but you... You, Miss Rivers, you’ve felt that pain and more. Do you wonder why you haven’t gone insane like all the others before you? What is that one little thread that keeps you whole and how long before it breaks apart?” Sam heaved a long sigh. “My apologies, Miss Rivers, these questions are a tad bit too intrusive, are they not? I’m sure you understand the nature of my curiosity though.”

Crys had kept the pleasant smile upon her lips, but her eyes had hardened at Sam’s words. It wasn’t just how deeply they cut or how casual the woman kept herself while doing so, but the fact that Crys found herself listening, and in part agreeing. In the end she wasn’t sure what to make of that woman other than she was dangerous. “There’s no need to apologize, Mistress. I do understand the curiosity. It is unfortunate that I can’t really give you any concrete answers. I just am... What I am... And I’ve accepted that.”

Sam snorted a laugh at the response. “Fair enough, Miss Rivers. Now, was there anything else? As interesting as this has been, I do have some matters that require my attention today.”

“Far from me to keep you from your affairs, Mistress... And don’t worry, I remember the way out.” Crys spoke, bowing in a short courtesy. “This surely has been a fascinating visit.”

“Surely.” Sam agreed, watching as the blind woman exited the room. She remained seated for yet a few minutes, finishing her tea, before someone finally called her away to something important.

-------------------------------------------------------------

[Otium 17, early afternoon]

Luckas was a bit confused to find Amber waiting for him instead of Adam in the training field that afternoon. The girl smiled sweetly as he approached, her blue eyes sparkling in childish delight. That was a bad sign. A very bad sign. Luke knew that much for sure.

“Nice of you to show up, Lukey! Ready for today’s exercise?” She asked, grinning widely.

“Hmm...” Luckas mumbled, looking at her with suspicion for a moment before glancing around in search of Adam, sincerely wondering if she had found a way to dispose of the man to take over the training session. “What are you doing here? Where’s Adam?”

“Don’t worry I didn’t bury him in the woods or anything... He’ll be here soon to observe.” Amber said cheerfully. “We just agreed that the best way to assess your skill is for you to fight someone you’ve never fought before. Someone who can... Catch you off your guard.”

“You?” Luckas asked, honestly surprised and unsure of whether he should be wary or amused of this situation.

“Yeeep... Me.” Amber replied with a proud smirk. “Would you rather it be Zeke? That ended so well last time, didn’t it?”

“Shut up.” Luckas muttered. “Zeke is going to get his.”

“So cranky since you came back, Lukey... Are you feeling a bit homesick already? Hm?” Amber snickered, tilting her head to the side and staring at him as if trying to assess his state of mind. “Poor little puppy...” She added in a soft and condescending tone. “Come on, take your frustrations out on me. You can do it, I have faith in you.” She playfully encouraged.

Luckas sighed softly. “Not like I have much of a choice, right? Should I fight you empty handed or...?” Luckas asked, spreading his arms wide open to show he had no weapons on his person.
Amber nodded, unable to hold back the smirk from forming itself across her features as she spread her arms in a similar manner to his. “Last one to the weapon rack gets a brand new scar.” She teased, nodding towards the stands that held the training weapons, not waiting for him to express acknowledgement before dashing towards them.

“Fuck.” Luckas muttered out running after her. Luckas had never even seen Amber actually fight before, he knew she was very skilled with ranged weapons, and that she was fast as hell; both physically and mentally so. She rarely favored strength in the body types she chose for herself, but then Luckas wasn’t exactly known himself for his physical strength.

Amber reached the weapon rack before Luckas and in order to take a blade he was first forced to duck under a violent slash that would have certainly slit his throat right open if the weapon had been sharp. Quick as the wind, the girl was. Luke pulled a short-sword from the rack and struck, meeting nothing but air, Amber had seen him coming a mile away and moved. Her training sword poked his torso. “Deeead. Care to try again?” she teased.

Luckas snorted, knowing very well that Amber meant to annoy him as much as possible. The girl paced slowly to the center of the training field and Luckas followed. “I’ve seen you do better Lukey. If you hold back on me I’m gonna have to punish you,” she warned.

Luckas didn’t respond, he was trying to keep some semblance of focus, his hand gripping the sword just firmly enough that it wouldn’t fly from his hand when struck. He was still more tense than it would be wise, while Amber was practically bouncing in place waiting for him to make a move. Luke tilted his head to the left and then to the right, trying to relieve some tension but not wanting to take his eyes off of Amber for a fraction of a second. She seemed to be waiting for him and Luckas didn’t like that at all.

Amber rolled her eyes at his hesitation. “How are you not dead yet?” she questioned. “Come on.”

Luckas snorted, raising the sword and striking, finally, at Amber’s midsection. The girl parried and countered with a series of quick strikes. Luckas blocked the first few and dodged others with considerable ease, which caused Amber to flinch. “Bad, Lukey, you’ve been playing around, haven’t you?” She backstepped and circled around Luckas a few times. “Hmmmph... You guard yourself well, but you come short on the whole attacking thing; which is the fun part I might add... We need to fix that.”

Luckas slowly turned as Amber circled him, facing the girl at all times and not answering any of her comments. He was a bit confused by her reaction just then. First he assumed Amber just knew everything he did and second, he didn’t understand why that would faze her. The words ‘we need to fix that’ sure did something to put him on edge, and rightfully so, she was thinking of an approach and Luke wondered to what effect.

“We need someone you hate. And I don’t mean Beast Boy type hate. I mean HATE.” She mumbled under her breath, but audible enough for Luke to catch. The first thing on his mind was ‘yes, Lady already tried that’ but of course Ess wouldn’t cross certain lines. Amber had no lines and, like it or not, she knew him quite well.

Amber stopped in front of Luke and changed her appearance to a mirror image of him. Even the girl’s stare, blue as it might be, was a much accurate impersonation of him. Luckas snorted. “This won’t work.” Echo followed his voice as Amber spoke the exact same words at the exact same time. “Stop that.” Again.

Luckas moved and she mirrored his movement exactly, like a reflection. He couldn’t even tell himself it wasn’t working, because the change in his expression was visible in her as well. A chill ran down Luke’s spine and he realized he was sweating cold. Amber might know a lot about him, but how could she know this? Luckas tightened his grip on the sword as he struck at his ‘clone’, metal striking metal in a rapid succession. Luckas saw contempt in his own expression, a mocking grin that was very much his own and he just wanted to erase it.

The fight was evenly matched for quite a few minutes, but despite holding his own Luckas was increasingly frustrated, even more so when Amber managed to get inside his guard and slap him in the face. He brought the training sword down on his clone with violence, once again hitting only metal. He pushed against Amber’s sword and when he saw the grin plastered on his mirror image he realized that was stupid. Amber brought her sword down in one quick motion, stepping aside so that Luckas lost his balance and stumbled forward. Amber’s sword hit him hard in the back and he fell to the ground. He rolled away immediately to avoid another blow and kicked Amber’s feet from under her. Luke rushed to try and pin Amber down. Even though he managed to pin her momentarily and struck her hard in the face with the hilt of his weapon, she still managed to put both feet to his abdomen and shove him off.

Luke stumbled backwards for a couple of steps, but caught his balance quick enough to avoid a blow to the face. He had no idea how Amber recovered so quick, but she was on her feet and on him in a matter of seconds. Luckas couldn’t help a satisfied smirk as he caught sight of the bloody gash caused by the pommel of his training sword; blood trickling down her face - his own face - the same smirk plastered upon it.

More blows were exchanged, this time mistakes were being made more often on both sides, or so it seemed... Luckas wasn’t sure how much of what Amber was doing was intentional under any circumstance. Finally it all seemed to end when she stabbed at his chest and overreached, Luckas spun away from the blunt weapon and gripped Amber’s wrist so that it forced the training sword out of her hand. He twisted her arm in such a way that it seemed very close to breaking, forcing her down to her knees. Aside from a subtle groan she didn’t seem to even feel it. Amber grabbed a handful of dirt with her free hand and tossed at Luke’s face over her shoulder, freeing her arm from his grip and elbowing him hard on the face. The blow stunned Luckas enough, but before he could try to recover a fist followed... and then another...

Everything flashed red for a minute... Then black...

“Wake uuuup...”

“Wake uuup...”

“Come on you pathetic little shit... wake up...”

Luckas felt he was drowning, and awoke to the sound of his own voice. He wasn’t drowning, Amber was sitting on his chest and pressing the training sword slowly against his throat. She still wore his face, a manic grin marking his own features. “Are we done playing then?” Amber asked. “And you were doing so well too... tsk...”

Luckas could still breathe, with difficulty, but he could. Amber was still trying to push him into a reaction, but her words were lost on Luckas. He closed his eyes again... Black...

“Sweetness... Wake uup...”

It took a few moments for Luke to register the change in the voice speaking over him... A familiar giggle piercing his ears and sending shivers down his spine. For a second he could smell lilacs... and lavender... and herbal tea... but that... That was just his mind playing tricks on him, because once that second passed he became very aware of where he actually was.

“I said... Are we done playing? I thought we were having fun?”

The body weighing him down moved very slowly into a different position now straddling his waist, the metal pressing down on his windpipe was replaced by a hand. Luckas tensed, still refusing to open his eyes and look. Strands of curly hair tickled his face and the voice now wasn’t so far above his head; it was whispering straight into his ear.

”Aren’t you? Having fun? Hmmm?” She laughed. It sounded choked and pained. ”Isn’t this what you wanted from me, Sweetness? What you really want? We all end up where we started eventually... This is what we are, you and I, you’re just a little monster and I’m...” She laughed again, and Luckas felt teeth slowly sinking into his ear lobe. ”Business... Illusion... We’re not special, Sweetness... You’re not special... to me.”

Luckas reacted before he even thought to open his eyes. When he fully regained consciousness he was the one pinning down the woman. He knew it wasn’t Ess, or at least he hoped he knew, either way he was very much determined to choke the life out of her. “It’s not true. It’s not true. Not true!” He muttered over and over. Red glowing behind his eyes, spreading over the blue to no effect other than further the illusion. Luke was pressing down on her stomach with one knee and gripping her throat with both hands, squeezing, tighter and tighter by the second, not even flinching as she tried to pry them open. Luckas’ expression was beyond manic as he watched her strain for breath, tears trailing down porcelain skin, staining that pretty face he knew so well... If he could muster one coherent thought he might have wondered why Amber wouldn’t change back, but he was too far gone to care.

When the woman was just about slipping out of consciousness Luckas was grabbed and pulled away from her. He was then tossed to the ground painfully. Adam stood over him for a moment as if to make sure he was going to stay down before walking away to check on Amber. Luckas didn’t turn to look, but he could hear her wheezing and heaving violently; her voice momentarily still sounding like Ess, finally changing as she started to laugh. “Well done, Lukey!”

“Screw you.” Luckas snorted, slowly getting off the ground and walking towards the house.

[4 months ago]

‘I died. I died and I am buried. I died and I am buried. No one is coming for me. I’m going to choke to death and no one will save me. I’m going to drown and no one will ever know I existed. Maybe I don’t exist... Maybe I’m not real... I’m not real... This isn’t real... I’m dead...’ The echoes inside Luke’s mind were the only sound as he found himself trapped inside a coffin-like box; his breaths short and heavy. Time had stopped for him. His eyes were blind... At first his body ached from being trapped in such an enclosed space, but even the pain had long left him... And now there was only... Nothing. At first, as it was usual, Luckas had struggled, and fought, and screamed, even knowing it was pointless. He fought and screamed just for the sake of proving he was still alive. After a while though, being alive just didn’t feel as important anymore and he fell into darkness and silence.

“Did you know Lukey, that once your eyes get used to the dark, your mind creates the illusion that it isn’t quite so dark anymore?” A familiar voice whispered in the back of his mind. “And... If you spend enough time in the shadows, light actually becomes hurtful. See, love... If you spend enough time in the dark, it doesn’t matter whether or not you find the light, because in the end all the light will do is blind you.”

“Sammy...” The boy mumbled under his breath; his own voice failing him as he tried to push against the walls of his prison, his hands and fingertip aching from all the time already spent clawing at the wood of the box; every other pain and ache returning to his body as he resumed his fighting and struggling. Alternating from whines and pleas to curses and threats to whatever faceless figures had locked him up in the wooden box.

Essence had been in and out of sleep for the most part, finding herself lingering more in that limbo between dreaming and awake, still thinking about how it seemed like she could never sleep if she wanted to prevent those things she feared. Nightmares and invading telepaths. “Shhh Tala...” She mumbled with a slight annoyed tone, thinking she heard the wolf whimpering from outside with the pups, instead again came the subtle noises and a cold nose at her cheek. Ess sighed, opening her eyes to find her wolf staring at the other side of the tent, head cocked to one side. Slowly Ess sat up, rubbing at her eyes, a soft glow emanating from them as she stared over at Luckas, her expression shifting from hazy to amused curiosity. “Is....he dreaming Tala?” She whispered quirking a brow when her friend began to fidget and squirm, a muffled whine escaping him. “..Thought he didn’t dream...” Ess wondered aloud, inching closer towards her friend and paused at the sound of a name: Sammy. Her brows narrowed at the name as she remembered the woman and that smile she wore that seemed to make her skin crawl. She still wasn’t sure if it was from annoyance, mistrust, or spite. Either way, she had admitted to herself how much she did despise how pretty the woman was and the way she had looked when discussing Luckas. Her cheeks began to flush with a purplish red, her chest tightening the more she thought about it. Ess had told herself she wasn’t competing, but her actions, although not always obvious, still showed a competitive motive within. ‘Is it my business...or isn’t it?’ She thought, noticing a pain forming against her jaw, the only thing alerting her to the furious grinding of her teeth. Closing her eyes she let herself breathe, slowly outstretching a hand but never touching her friend. “Luckas...” She called, wondering if that would even be enough to wake him. When he didn’t wake, his squirming appearing to increase she sighed, letting a soft hum escape her lips. “If I sing...you’ll hear me..” She whispered, still keeping her voice low but loud enough to make our her familiar words.

You burn like fire...
Haunting my dreams...
Hidden desires...
Chosen realities...

How did you ever know...
To assure the danger...
Within your eyes..
How did you ever question..
My love inside the fear..
Denying all ties....

Luckas stirred, mumbling incoherently under his breath as the silence faded to the sound of a familiar voice; a voice different from the echoes inside his mind. Slowly he became more and more aware of himself until he began making out words and focused on them until he felt himself completely conscious. The realization that he had been dreaming startled Luckas a bit more than the actual dream in itself and as he awoke he involuntarily shot up before even opening his eyes and exhaled strongly as if he’d been holding his breath all along, slowly opening his eyes and blinking as he focused on Ess’ face. “Hmmm... Am I awake now... Or is this one of those dreams where it looks like you’re waking up, but you’re really not?” He mumbled, looking a little bit confused as he scratched his head sleepily. “Is it morning, or...?” He asked absently, looking around but not seeming to come to any conclusions or care much about what time it was really. “I forgot I was here, I think...” He concluded.

Ess’ eyes opened when she heard Luckas wake up, taking in a long breath. Falling silent she let her eyes move over him from head to toe as if she were assessing his disorientation before nodding. “Well....let’s see...” She smirked, reaching over and pinching Luckas on the arm hard. “I’m pretty sure we are awake....you were dreaming? Didn’t look like it was completely pleasant. Are you alright?” Ess whispered, the color in her cheeks slowly diffusing back to their pale tone. She gave a sincere, concerned smile before handing Luckas her flask, offering him a drink. “Want to talk about it?”

“Heeey...” Luckas whined. “I would take your word for it, you know.” He playfully complained, faking a look of annoyance. “Nonetheless... If I was dreaming you wouldn’t be pinching me... Not in the arm anyways...” He snickered, stretching with a little groan and sighing. “It didn’t look completely pleasant? Does that mean it looked partially pleasant from your point of view, Lady? How curious.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and laying back down even though he didn’t feel like he would go back to sleep. “When I was in the orphanage... After it was discovered what I could do.... Well, people do cruel things out of fear, it seems. Can’t completely blame them for it... One of my recurring punishments was being locked inside a wooden trunk. I dream of it sometimes... It’s not unusual, just doesn’t usually happen when I’m, you know... Here.”

Ess laughed lightly, shaking her head and playfully leaned in closer towards Luckas. “If you and I were both asleep, how would we know it? Does this mean you’ve had dreams about me before? Shouldn’t let all that creativity go to waste, hmm?” Letting her smile fade she sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant, you were squirming and whimpering...and then you said, ‘Sammy..’...” Ess paused taking in a deep breath and leaning back against Tala who simply stared at Luckas, wagging her tail. “I couldn’t tell much of what was going on in your head...you know, the norm.” She teased, pushing to hide the annoyance that came back at thinking of Sam. Quirking a brow she smiled again, “I am sorry I didn’t keep the nightmares away this time...maybe you can understand what those people did to you to an extent, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was not the correct way to go about it. You said it was a punishment....do you dream it randomly or is it triggered by something? If you seem better off here, then why not just stay here all the time?” She questioned, honestly curious for the answer. “If you were dreaming about being put in a wooden box, what did Sam have to do with it?” Ess muttered, a hint of contempt in her voice at the last question.

Luckas’ eyes widened momentarily at hearing he’d mentioned Sam’s name, but he didn’t address that fact at first. “Yes, in fact I’ve had dreams about you before... Is that surprising to you in some way? I mean, you’ve dreamed about me being pretty much everywhere if I recall correctly.” He smirked. “My dreams are... Not too different from that.” He stated casually, crossing his arms over his chest and staring straight up at the ceiling for a couple of moments before starting to answer to the series of questions Ess had asked in the order in which they were asked. “Well, I don’t know if it was actually meant to be punishment, but it was how I saw it. It was probably the only way to keep me from controlling others, supposedly they just never realized or never cared about the fact that it was just because it terrified me. As for the dreams, I don’t know if they are random or not exactly. I am definitely better off here, but I can’t... Yet...” He sighed. “Sometime though, maybe... And Sammy... It’s complicated... It’s not that she had anything to do with the box, directly, but... She was just the only person I could think to call for back then. Even while I thought she was dead.” He glanced towards Ess with a slightly apologetic look in his eyes for some reason. “That’s probably why I called her now.”

“Uh-huh...” Ess whispered with a shrug. “It makes sense, I guess I just still find it surprising even if it shouldn’t be. I’m sure, quite similar they are..” Rolling her eyes in a comical disbelief. “I know, there’s more to life and other things to focus on besides our own wants and desires. You’ve been hanging around a lot more lately, maybe you miss her.” Ess turned away, distracting herself with petting Tala, pulling herself further away from Luckas. “She seems awfully important to you...our pasts can be a tricky thing sometimes. I understand those ties better than some, I think.” Ess sighed, muttering into Tala’s fur, “I also understand when someone is hiding something...” Her voice went from fuzzy to inaudible as she muttered something about ‘a painted smile she knew too well.’ “Is that where you go when you leave here?” Ess asked, raising her head from Tala’s neck. “...Reason I ask is maybe I find it a bit...awkward and odd to be moving back and forth between women, hmm?” She forced a smile, trying to keep her tone light, yet the glow in her eyes faded leaving the silver outline of her pupils curiously dominate and unmoving, a hint of a blue vein appearing at the corner of her temple.

Luckas frowned momentarily, a look of curiosity crossing his expression quickly followed by one of confusion as Ess spoke. He didn’t exactly understand how the conversation had reached this exact topic and he didn’t know what was the meaning exactly behind the woman’s tone or the look in her eyes, but he suspected that whatever it was it might make him wish he was still asleep. “I don’t think I have quite thought about her while I’ve been here...I don’t actually have a habit of... Thinking about people while I’m not with them... Usually...” Luckas mumbled, unable to hide the fact this was an awkward topic of conversation for him. “That said, I guess I could say she is considerably important to me, yes. I have a room in her house, I use it for sleep when I’m not here, yes... And I don’t quite understand what the oddity here is exactly. I may not be all that well versed in what is normal social conduct, but as far as I know a lot of people know more than just one woman...” Snorting slightly he mumbled. “I can sure feel the awkward part of it though.”

Essence felt her entire body tense, letting her smile fade only a bit. “I see...” She said softly, dragging out the last word as if she were thinking, actually not understanding as she claimed to. Ess hated this feeling and how it was building, wincing at a sharp pain in her jaw she reached for her cheek and sighed at herself. She tried to pass off the stretching of her jaw as nothing out of the normal and turned so her back was facing Luckas, curling up to a line of pillows she had along the edge of the tent. “You’re right about people knowing more than just one woman or just one man and that’s not what catches me as odd. What caught me as odd was something deeper....But hey, no worries. It’s not like you and I are more than friends, right. Because IF we were, it would not be ok with me with you having a room at a woman’s house, who acts like you belong to her...no matter how sweet and innocent it appears.” Ess sighed and turned onto her back, staring up at the Oak tapestry hanging from above. “Maybe...I don’t like sharing either....”

“Well, you know I suck at ‘something deeper’ so if whenever you feel the need to elaborate on that, please do go ahead.” Luckas stated calmly, sitting up and turning to fully face Ess as he spoke. “And it’s a pretty huge house you know... Your tent is probably closer to Beast Boy’s bed than my room is to hers.” He pointed out raising an eyebrow at her, as if trying to mimic a playful expression, but not quite pulling it off. “Shall I get started on how he acts towards you now? Is this somewhat like that, then?” He asked, honest curiosity in his tone. “I mean... Uh...” He paused, not sure exactly how to finish the sentence. “I’m not sure what I mean... Never mind.” He muttered. “I’ll keep it in mind though... That IF we were, that would not be acceptable. I don’t think it constitutes sharing however, either way.” He stated.

A humorless laugh escaped her, brows narrowing once again, but still she kept her voice calm. “I thought I did explain it, I apologize.” Ess scoffed. “Aiden....may be in closer proximity to where I sleep than ‘Her’, but Aiden does not share where I sleep. So I don’t see that as a proper comparison...unless...” Ess unfurled her brows, a flash of violet passing over her irises. “Unless...sometimes you do. But hey, I’m sorry if it’s not my business...some things are a bit fuzzy on what exactly IS my business and what ISN’T. I also don’t care if you watch me sleep and I would very much care if my..” Ess emphasized her next words with a cold and dangerous tone. “...Friend Aiden there was watching me sleep...I may momentarily lose sight of who he is and slice out his eyes. The ONLY other male I have let sleep this close to me that wasn’t blood related, would be Jake and there is a huge reason for that. Well many reasons, actually, including the fact I feel absolutely safe with him and trust him. Perhaps that helps in explaining how I would see that as sharing?” Ess sat back up, glancing at Tala whose ears fell back when meeting Ess’ eyes and let out a soft whine before slipping back out the tent to tend to her pups.

“Oh, so it’s the fact we’re somewhat within the confinement of the same walls that bothers you?” Luckas asked, raising an eyebrow. “I suppose I can start camping out in the yard if it makes you feel any better...” He offered, a hint of annoyance in his tone. “And I don’t think I have ever said, or ever will say, that anything is not your business, Lady... I really just don’t get what the problem is... I mean, Sammy and I share a common... history... So to speak... But I don’t spend all my time with her when I’m not here, I don’t exactly think about her while I am here, I don’t drop everything and run off if she calls for me... So I don’t see how that would fall under the ‘sharing’ category. I mean, there was an incident or two, but it’s not like I would willingly share my sleeping quarters with her... Even so, Sammy is like an adoptive sister of sorts the way I see it.” Luckas said with a shrug, heaving a frustrated sigh as he fell silent. He couldn’t really understand why he was feeling the need to defend himself in this situation. It wasn’t a big deal after all... He hadn’t really done anything wrong. “Is it weird that I almost feel proud of myself, Lady? I actually managed to piss you off in my sleep.” He chuckled, running both his hands through his hair leaving it in a ruffled mess. “That’s almost brilliant, isn’t it?” He laughed, a slightly cheerful hint of amusement crossing his dark eyes. “Lady, you need to understand that, and I’m not saying it isn’t you business... Not what I’m saying... You need to understand that Sammy was the only person in my life for a very, very, long time who didn’t hate me, fear me, or hurt me. Even if she is clearly not that same person anymore... I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for her and... I... It’s complicated. It’s really, really, really... Complicated... With her. Difficult. And uncomfortable sometimes, but...” He ended the sentence in an awkward shrug and stopped talking.

Funny how talking was considered therapeutic; a way to sort out one’s thoughts and lead to a calming place. Funny indeed, especially when the more Luckas spoke the more annoyed Ess became, finding it almost pointless as if she were speaking to a feeble child. “I’M NOT PISSED OFF!” She belted out suddenly, surprised by the ferocity of her own voice. Ess blushed at herself and cleared her throat, speaking softer once again. “I’m not pissed off at YOU.” She insisted. “Maybe I’m a bit frustrated with YOU because I can’t seem to help you understand what I am saying.” Ess sighed, shuffling to her feet and walking out of the tent for some air. The nights were getting warmer now that Spring was here and the idea of Summer suddenly grossed her out; mostly with the idea of sleeping indoors. At least she would have the chance to sleep under the stars again. “Luckas...” She called gently. “The reason I keep mentioning I don’t know if it is or isn’t my business is because I feel like I’m intruding. In many ways, it’s not my business, but...” Ess trailed off a bit before turning her gaze to look at him, strong concern in her eyes as all her focus moved away from herself and only to him. “What did you mean when you said ’Willingly?’ Has something happened that shouldn’t have? If there’s one thing I was made to understand, is that even those closest have boundaries and they should know when not to cross them. I don’t flirt with Jake, Luckas. He’s like family and that’s just....” Ess made a disgusted face. “By the Twins...just gross and wrong on so many levels. If you look at your friend as family, I will be the last one to object to it, no matter what because I can’t tell you what to think or feel.” Shaking her head, a wounded look crossed her eyes, her smile forming once again, only now with an obvious sadness. “Maybe I wanted you to be calling me...because I’ll always hear you...and I’ll always find you. Do you ’Hear’ Sam when she calls to you...like when I call to you?” Ess asked, averting her eyes as if she feared the answer.

“Alright, you’re NOT pissed... Thanks for reassuring me...” Luckas mumbled, making an effort not to point out that it was surely unfair of Ess to be frustrated with him if she admitted to be the one unable to make him understand. It wasn’t as if he was trying to hide the fact that he didn’t understand, he’d made that pretty clear. Remaining still where he sat, Luckas followed Ess only with his eyes, keeping silent until she addressed him again. “You don’t intrude.” He mumbled quietly. “I don’t see why you’d think that.” Luckas leaned forward, resting his arms over his knees. “I’m not a woman you know, if something bothers me I make it clear.” He said, a playful smirk crossing his features. “I don’t quite get what you mean by ‘something that shouldn’t have’, but what I meant was that... I’ve woken up a couple of times and found Sam in my room... She just sits there sometimes, I think... Because she doesn’t sleep...” He sighed and stopped himself. “I can’t go into much detail here, she told me things in confidence...” He mumbled, shrugging dismissively and moving on. “It’s not like that though... I know where all the lines are drawn, you know, I’m not that... uh... Innocent.” Luckas stopped, unable to seriously use that word, and chuckled for a few seconds before getting back on track. “Lady... Sometimes dreams are only dreams. You are still the only voice in my head... The only real one at least.”

Holding back a smile she quirked a brow, her expression purely inquisitive, playing on Luckas’ words. “You’re not a woman? Reaaaally? Huh...” Ess teased, holding a straight face. “Well, it wouldn’t matter to me either way if you were or not.” Finally she let that sweet smile show through and shrugged. “I don’t intrude, huh? Famous last words...What I don’t understand is how you ask questions, clearing showing you don’t understand but then you answer my question or what I was hinting at. But, alright. Let’s define ‘something that shouldn’t happen.’ How about a hypothetical hmm? Girl and boy. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Boy doesn’t see how much girl really likes him. Maybe even to the point she’d want to be intimate with him. You know, like some men pay women to play behind closed doors. So..” Ess snickered. “Boy is oblivious to how girl looks at him..yearns for him...and maybe even tries to sabotage any other chance he’d have at happiness because she wants him for herself. Example of something that shouldn’t happen. But ok, let’s go simpler..pray tell I lose you. Boy likes Girl. Boy tries hugging and kissing on her without her permission, but she gives in because she thinks it’s the norm and what she is suppose to do. That, is a fine lined example of abuse. Someone not accepting or respecting those lines you say you understand. So ok, maybe we are on the same level. Maybe you don’t understand quite what I mean yet. I do have a decade on you. Those were merely examples anyways.”

Ess stretched out across the log beside the fire she neglected nowadays to keep going, closing her eyes. “I wouldn’t ask you to tell me anything personal of your friend, just like I’d expect you not to talk about my personal business...just as I don’t talk about yours you relay to me in confidence.” Ess let out a long sigh, her lips twitching behind a smile. “Your voice is the only one in my head too, Luckas. Maybe, I just don’t trust some things I’ve seen and maybe I’ve grown more protective of you as of late. See what happens when you hang around so much?” Ess groaned, laying her arm across her face so that her eyes were hidden. “I’m selfish..” She muttered. “I want you all to myself..”

[Present Time - Otium 17, afternoon]

“So, that was quite the exercise, I hear.”

Luckas didn’t answer. He’d been staring at his bedroom ceiling for at least an hour. The door was open but Amber was the only to ever go in his room, and right now she was smart enough to stay the hell away. Sam knew no such boundaries though. When the woman sat on the edge of the bed, Luckas sat up and turned away from her.

“Okay, we’re still doing this then?” She asked.

Luckas frowned, not understanding the question at first, but then remembering that he hadn’t talked to her since before Jake’s party and the talk hadn’t been friendly. “Doing what?” He muttered, pretending not to understand.

“Seriously, Luckas.” Sam snorted. “I just want to know if you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“I thought you hated that word.” Sam teased. “You don’t look that fine to me.”

“Did you tell her to do that? Luckas asked, failing to hide the accusing tone of his words.

“Do what?”

“I know you were watching, you can see the training area from the library, Sam.”

Sam sighed softly. “Yes, Luckas, I was watching. What I’m asking is if you want to know if I told Amber to push you or if I told her exactly what to do... If it’s the first; yes, if it’s the latter; no. I actually would love to know what she said to put you in that state.”

“I bet you would.” Luckas sighed, lying down and staring at the ceiling again. “So you didn’t tell her about the mirror?”

Sam snorted a laugh, pointing at the covered mirror on the wall. “Seriously?”

“Right.”

“That’s not why you’re angry. You’re angry because of what you did. You’re wondering, if it was really her saying those things; whatever they were, and not Amber, if you would have done the same thing...”

“Don’t tell me how I feel.” He muttered.

“Well, isn’t that why you’re angry?” Sam questioned simply. “Tell me I’m wrong, then. Amber told me you wouldn’t attack her when the two of you trained; yes, I know about that... Is it because you didn’t want to hurt her or because you do?”

Luckas turned to look at Sam, her face was void of any emotion and she simply stared back at him in mild curiosity. Luke sat up again, facing her this time. “What do you want me to say? What the hell do you want from me?”

“We’ve had this conversation. I’m not going to repeat myself to you.” Sam shrugged carelessly. “You wanted to be free of me, remember? So it shouldn’t matter what I want. Answer my questions, don’t, as long as you think you know the answers.”

Luckas shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m not going to hurt her, not like I did out there, it’s not who I am.”

“If you can’t look at yourself in the mirror, Luckas, then you don’t know who you are. You think it’s your nature that makes you dangerous, but it’s not; it’s all your doubt.” Sam spoke, standing up and tugging on the sheet covering the mirror. “The one thing, one thing, you should have learned from that healer, Luckas, and you ignore it.”

Luckas got off the bed and stood in front of Sam, ignoring the uncovered mirror. “I know what I’m not, that’s more than enough right now. I’m not like my brother, like you, I don’t have to break everything I touch.”

“Like me...” Sam repeated under her breath. The woman fell dangerously silent for a very long moment, staring down at her hands as if she was trying to remember something.

“Sammy...” Luckas mumbled.

“No... Don’t...” She cut him off. “That’s what you said, that’s how you see me.”

“I’m just tired.” Luke sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that...”

Sam heaved a long sigh. “I believe you.” She said. “I always believe you, Lukey.” Her tone was freezing cold unlike anything Luckas had ever heard.

For another disturbingly long moment Sam was just silently staring at her hands, fists clenching slowly, and Luckas wanted to know what was exactly going through her mind. Her expression was completely void and her eyes seemed to darken like the forest trees on a stormy night.

After the silence seemed to drag on for hours, Sam abruptly smashed her fist into the mirror opening her hand and pressing her palm against the shattered glass, sliding it down the cracked surface and leaving a bloody trail. She didn’t look angry, or fazed by the glass shards sinking into her flesh, nothing. She pulled her hand away from the mirror and watched as the blood started to drip onto the floor as if in some sort of trance. She only seemed to snap out of it when Luckas moved as if to reach for her wounded hand.

“Don’t... Touch me.” She muttered, anger finally showing in her eyes as she watched Luckas step back as though she’d slapped him in the face, sitting back down on his bed and looking up at her. “You think...” She sighed, calming her tone and turning her bloody palm to him. “This is what happens when something breaks, Luckas. So, you think I broke you, fair enough; I did. I never denied that. I never lied about it... I answered your questions.” She laughed coldly. “And you keep asking what I want from you, but... What do you want from me? What do you expect me to say? Look in the fucking mirror Luckas.”

Luke shook his head. “Sammy... You’re bleeding a lot...”

“That’s what I do. What I’ve done my whole life... I break things and I bleed. Maybe my father was right and that’s all I am. Maybe you’re right and you’re not like me. And I used you. I used you to fool myself into thinking I wasn’t alone. We used each other... And now we’re done.”

Luckas felt her words weigh a lot heavier than he expected, standing up from the bed as if he meant to reach out again, but sitting back down as if he lacked the nerve. “Your fath-...” He stood up again as she turned to leave the room without another word, not showing signs of wanting to listen anymore. She closed the door behind her and Luckas sat back down again, staring at the closed door with the look of an abandoned puppy. He stood up as though he meant to follow her, but sat down again soon after, staring blankly at the tiny pool of blood on the ground. He couldn’t come to terms with what he was feeling. Moments ago he resented Sam, and rightfully so, but at the same time he didn’t want her to leave... He didn’t want to lose whatever the hell that was... “Stupid. Fucking stupid.” He muttered. “Idiot.”

[4 months ago]

Luckas frowned slightly as he listened to Ess’ words, absently scratching the side of his head in thought at her scenarios. “Harmful... love...” He mumbled softly to himself, suddenly recalling Sam’s words on the Twins. “The second case is pretty clear, okay, but... Abuse is a strong word for your first scenario, don’t you think?” He asked, raising his voice to normal level again. “I’d say it’s more of a case of...” He sighed softly, pausing as he tried to remember specific words. “I read something in a book once... ‘No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness’. Lena said that sometimes that’s true... The first case sounds more to me as something like that, mixed in with a bit of denial...” He shrugged slightly. “I don’t know, maybe you’re right... I don’t quite understand everything, but... I can understand clinging to something, someone, anything just for the faint possibility of happiness and not caring whether it’s not real, whether it’s harmful... Lines can become awfully blurry then... When you want something so badly that things like ‘wrong’, ‘right’, and ‘boundaries’ simply become meaningless.” He went silent for a few seconds as if mulling something over before speaking again in a barely audible mumble. “Some would argue that this is what you and I are doing here.”

After a small moment of silent contemplation Luckas smiled in amusement. “I suppose that’s a risk I take... That one day I just won’t be able to leave anymore. As is, Lady, I’d say you already have about ninety percent of me to yourself... Give or take...” He yawned quietly and nodded. “...And the remaining ten are beginning to feel slightly jealous...”

Ess moved her arm to support her head, glancing over at Luckas curiously. “I would tell anyone who had the audacity to look at our situation and say it was ‘harmful’ or that how I feel or what I want is wrong....and smack them upside the head with a chair.” She smirked, slowly sitting up. “If there are boundaries with us, they are ours to deal with, not anyone elses. I don’t feel being your friend is wrong and it feels right to me. So screw ‘them’. I would not interfere with something that was right or good for you if that was what you wanted, just like you tell me if I want you gone, you’ll go. So to me, some lines are pretty clear, but I understand how some can be blurry...I guess. Perhaps that is only us playing on our own fears and doubts..” Shaking her head she sighed, mumbling. “Always easier to see from the outside than in...” Ess was silent, still staring at Luckas, her expression disappearing from curiosity to a vacant one. “I think...until recently....I had only been myself around one person, truly and now there’s you. With that said, I am pretty sure I am only showing you what is real...a change I am getting used to more and more....so maybe I just don’t..or won’t understand why someone could look at me and say this is risky...If it’s real and I’m not causing harm..”

“Hmm... I’m not sure if I’m okay with you hitting other people with chairs, Lady.” Luckas played, narrowing his eyes in a fake look of annoyance. “Your point, however, leads me to another question... hypothetically, of course... How does one know what constitutes abuse when the person on the receiving end of such abuse doesn’t know where the lines are drawn? I mean, it is up to every individual to impose limits, but if they can’t, or don’t know when the lines are being crossed? Like the Boy in your example... If he can’t see, he’s... Oblivious, you said... To how the girl is acting with him, he can’t possibly feel violated, right? So who is to decide that for him? Is it even a proper thing to do, decide someone else’s lines are being crossed?” His tone was honestly confused at the question as he stared at her with a nearly blank stare, seeming almost as if he had gotten himself into a trance of sorts. Staying like that for a few moments before snapping out of it and shaking his head. “Sometimes... We’re not aware of what’s real or harmful... So, really, are you sure of that?” He asked.

Essence sighed, running her fingers through the ends of her braid, twirling the curly strands around her fingertips. “That....is the question every child learns the answer to at some point, Luckas. Everyone makes decisions on what is abuse and what isn’t...for themselves and for others. Honestly, tell me...what makes the second scenario so much easier to understand than the first? If the girl thinks her force of affection is normal, then can we really constitute that as abuse then? I say yes...” Clearing her throat, Ess frowned at a thought, her eyes narrowing as a memory came back to her. “Luckas...a few years back...before you and I met in that alley...I knew this butcher and his daughter. I knew them since I came to NewHaven, and I watched the little girl grow over the years. She always seemed happy, but slightly nervous and when I looked at her I felt...I guess you could describe it as discomfort. When she became a teenager, that light in her eyes, so to speak, began to fade and I noticed one day how ‘close’ her father was to her. Now some may argue it was normal affection, but for a second...one moment, I saw the awkwardness in that girl’s eyes when she looked up at me. Come to find out, the father was treating the daughter like a wife ever since she was small. Now...I know this is wrong...I know something like this needs to be stopped..but the little girl didn’t understand why she felt so uncomfortable to something she grew up thinking was normal. Do you think it wrong of me to explain that to her or to take matters into my own hands?” Ess paused, turning her gaze away casually from Luckas as a few tears fell down her cheek hidden from his view. “Ignorance was not bliss...but a prison. The only reason it came to light was when the girl started to show she was with child. Of course the father made up some lame excuse of his daughter getting herself into trouble with a stable boy, but I saw...and I got her to tell me...and I swear Luckas, when I sliced that bastard from neck to belly, I saw the light come back into her eyes. There are some things in this world that just are. The other thing Luckas...is when the person who is crossing those lines, KNOWS what they are doing is wrong....it makes it wrong. When they don’t know what they are doing is wrong...it’s called denial.”

Casually wiping away those tears she turned back around to face Luckas. “Do you think I am harmful to you? Do you think I would ever use you, purposely hurt you, abandon you? If you think I would, then...I think you have a lot to learn. We can be sure when we have something to believe in and trust. I can understand someone being oblivious but it doesn’t change the truth of it all....and sometimes we just need to trust those feelings we don’t understand. They are there for a reason...just like pain.”

“Hmmm....” Luckas mumbled, taking his time to process what Ess was telling him. He didn’t seem, or feel, less confused, but he was paying full attention and honestly trying his best, which, considering it was Luckas, was really a very big deal. After a few moments of quiet, the confusion never leaving his expression, he spoke. “I don’t know if I can answer that, Lady, because honestly, I’m not sure I have a clear view of what is hurtful, or even painful. I mean there’s physical pain, and I understand that it is hurtful, but even that at times just doesn’t seem like such a big deal; it was a great part of my ‘normality’ for quite a bit of time after all. Never something I could mistake for affection, but it’s just... Too familiar to bother me now.” He sighed, shaking his head and absently fiddling with the collar of his shirt. “That said... I don’t think you would intentionally hurt me, in any way. I know that you can, but I don’t think that you would. I’m not sure though, if you did, if I would actually mind that.” Luckas fell silent for a little while longer, scratching at the back of his neck as he lowered his head, resting his forehead against his knee. “The difference, to me, between your first and second examples is simple... It’s the, hm, physical aspect. I mean... This is something even I know; if a person touches you, you will always know what the intention is, you may not quite understand, it may not be apparent, but you will feel it if somehow it’s not an acceptable touch. Even if you are told otherwise. Generally, if someone has to say something is okay, it’s usually not, but even if the person in question can’t make that distinction, it is still possible to feel that... Sickening feel in the back of your stomach... Like there’s something crawling its way up your insides...” He snorted and let himself fall silent for a few moments before moving on. “Without that physical aspect though... What constitutes abuse? I mean, I’ve been told that it’s not always physical, and not always exactly a violent act, so... What is it?”

“Just because something is familiar....doesn’t mean you are immune. You still seem unsure of certain things, you’ve made that apparent, but you say at the same time that ‘I could hurt you’. Physically, yes I know, and I know you don’t seem to mind that, because you keep coming back.” Ess smirked for a moment before it faded away. “It’s not right of me to do that you know. I shouldn’t be smacking around people I care about....even if they do have it coming. And I’ll probably do it again at some point...” She half joked. “But I’m distracting myself now...you must have some sort of idea of what I’m talking about if you think I could ‘hurt’ you. That it’s possible, I mean. But..why would you say you wouldn’t mind it? Then it wouldn’t be hurting you, would it?” Ess randomly bent down to pick up a handful of tiny rocks, and started chucking them against the trees, seeing how far she could bounce them, a delicate frown shaping her lips still giving her appearance an alluring aura. “That distinction you speak of...the sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach...you talk about it like you understand it pretty well. I would get that feeling any time ANY man would even come near me. Think that’s changing though..”

Essence sighed, trailing off and pausing to think of how to explain to Luckas what constituted abuse in a non physical way. “Luckas...do you understand what manipulation is? I can give you an example...Ebony. She was quite good at it too..probably her only talent besides running her mouth until someone got pissed off enough to get all stabby on her. For a time, that...slimy hag actually had me believing that I had no soul and that I was nothing. I think she did in fact break me a couple times, but to her annoyance it never stuck. For one, she didn’t get to me until I was around eight and two, I met Jake. I still struggle even though I know better now. The entire incident with Asher and me thinking my son was dead....manipulation...that was not all physical abuse. Making someone believe in something good that is simply a lie, to twist it and break a person’s spirit would be a form of mental abuse. Ebony use to tell me all the time how ugly I was and I know now it was out of jealousy and to keep me under control. The will of a person, strengthened by their own determination for survival, revenge, family, friendship...whatever the source, I found to be a great weapon. That is what I think frightens those who seek control the most...when they realize they have lost that power...lost their leverage.” Essence groaned at herself, her fingers gently massaging the base of her neck. “It’s always about power...that’s what rape is...rape of the body and of the soul.”

“Pain exists to show us when we’re hurt, Lady. If you numb the pain, it doesn’t make you any less hurt, it just makes you unaware.” Luckas mumbled quietly, lifting his head to look at Ess. “So, me not minding doesn’t necessarily mean you wouldn’t be hurting me. That wasn’t exactly what I meant either, but... never mind.” He shrugged, moving from where he was sitting to a spot closer to the fire pit. “Fine, I think I get it, at least in theory, but... Not sure if I can say I understand everything... Not everything...” He frowned, trying to stifle a yawn. “So, are you worried Sammy is manipulating me? Or something of that sorts? You said... You don’t like things you’ve seen... What does that mean exactly?” Scratching the side of his face and holding back another yawn Luke sighed. “Also, by your definition, isn’t Jake right to say I’m no different from a rapist, Lady? If it is in fact a matter of control, that’s kind of my thing.”

Ess quirked a brow, a confused look clouding her expression. “...When I was numb...I wasn’t unaware....it was more along the lines of denial...and when I started feeling again....” Glancing over at Luckas she sighed and averted her eyes again before standing and scooting closer to where Luckas sat. “You can’t do that....I have this uncontrollable urge to know everything..and maybe I don’t always ask what you were going to say but I keep thinking about it ...and right now...is one of those times you may wish you didn’t just tell me that I don’t intrude.” Ess smiled, a compassionate and gentle smile. “What did you mean then, because now I’m the one who doesn’t understand, Sweetness.” For the moment, Ess skipped over Luckas’ question on Sam, thinking about how to answer that one while she playfully bumped her shoulder into his. “Oh, now you are going to start agreeing with Jake? Maybe I should...tell him....” She joked, giggling a bit before taking on a serious tone. “I agree that there are many who deserve what you’ve done to them. I also see ‘Rape’ as taking away something against that person’s will. Maybe I can understand the memory snatching thing sorta...as a comparison...but then again I think someone I know....” Ess pretended to think hard of who she was talking about. “..someone said that we can’t take away something that was already gone...or something like that. Many of those people had no souls...I believe. And I also don’t feel like you’ve taken anything away from me....instead quite the opposite. You...I’m not afraid of you...I don’t act differently in fear of your anger, or of some punishment, like most in controlling situations do. You have not physically hurt me...even if you’ve said there’s been a temptation.” Ess pulled her gaze away and towards the empty fire pit. “I dunno Luckas, I don’t have all the answers..I can’t explain everything I feel. I’m just trying to be a good friend, the only way I know how. With that said...Sam, I am only going on instinct and feelings. I don’t know for sure anything because well, I don’t know. You don’t talk about her and I don’t ask....for the most part. When..her and I chatted...there were things I picked up on that would not necessarily be obvious or even completely correct from my short encounter. Let’s just say I know another great actress when I meet one. Is it wrong of me to worry about you? Even when you piss me off, I still worry. Just one of those things that just is and you will have to accept I guess.” Ess smiled, reaching towards Luckas to ruffle up his hair. “We can sit here until the sun comes up and I think we may end up more confused because of the whole lack of sleep thing. Go back to sleep Sweetness...I’ll be here. Besides, we have lots to practice tomorrow.”

“I meant... I can understand clinging to some faint possibility of happiness and not care whether it’s harmful.” Luckas stated with a shrug. “That’s what I meant. Which leads me to something I don’t quite understand, since we’re on the topic of ‘things we don’t understand’... I don’t understand why you call me that.” Shaking his head Luckas frowned slightly, unamused by the thought of agreeing with Jake. “That’s not what I said, and you shouldn’t say that to him unless you want me messing with his memory. And I don’t think you should judge what I do based on your personal experience Lady... At least not yet.” He said, a playful smirk crossing his features. “I was not nearly as rough on you as I could’ve been... And I paid you, so there’s that.”He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “I don’t mind the comparison, I certainly didn’t mind it as much as you did, if anything it’s only fitting that that’s what it feels like to them, right?”

Luckas playfully leaned away from Ess when she messed with his hair, faking annoyance and straightening up some strands that fell over his eyes. “I should cut this shorter...” He mumbled, heaving a small sigh. “Eh, what’s one more thing after everything I’ve already learned to accept so far, right?” Failing to cover up his next yawn Luckas shrugged. “I don’t need to sleep... It’s fine... I don’t want to go back there tonight.”

“Clinging to the faint possibility of happiness...thought happiness was only found in moments.” Essence whispered, her tone slightly sad even though she still smiled. Quirking a brow she held back an amused laugh. “Why do you call me ‘Lady’?” She shrugged. “I am definitely not one by definition, although I am a woman....I mean not in the ‘cultured’ term it is taken as. ‘Sweetness’ is a term of endearment Luckas and it is also what my father use to call me. I use to not realize when I said it, years ago because...well you saw. Much was only for show. There was nothing behind the term then, but things change. I am sure the more time we spend around one another the more nicknames I’ll start using for you.” She teased with a playful wink. “Maybe I shouldn’t judge by only my experiences, but really, how do we learn except by experience and the experiences of those close to us.” Leaning slightly against Luckas her eyes widened. “Maybe you just go too easy on me. We’ll have to change that.” Ess snickered. “What did you pay me for exactly? You weren’t the typical customer and I always wondered about that. You know I gave that up so if there’s something you’re after, you’ll have to find another method of payment beside coin. Now that I think about it, ironic....huh...” Ess muttered trailing off as she realized she was thinking aloud.

“Huh..” Ess shook her head, flicking a strand of Luke’s hair back into his eyes. “Maybe a trim...want me to do it? Not too much though...I like longer hair.” She smiled, exaggerating the way she batted her eyelashes. “You just don’t want me watching you sleep..which is just too bad because I could help keep you out of the box....or whatever it is you find yourself trapped inside of. It’s only a few hours til sunrise, I won’t be going back to sleep at this point I think.”

“Moments can be faint, Lady... They can end before they begin... Or they can be eternal... It depends, I suppose.” Luckas replied, a bit amused at Ess’ question of why he called her Lady, a slightly surprised expression crossing him as held back a laugh. “I didn’t think ‘Pretty Lady’ was a complicated nickname... I thought I was being as obvious as I usually am with these things... I mean, you don’t think to ask why I address Captain as such, it’s because that’s... What she is.” He shrugged. “The only person I had more than one nickname for was Lena, I think... Mostly because ‘Evil Bitch’ wasn’t always a proper thing to say out loud. Hmm...” He mumbled, thinking for a few moments before moving on. “I’m not much for the ‘cultured’ meaning of things, I’m a literal guy for the most part... So yeah... You are a Lady who I happen to think is Pretty... That is the reasoning behind most my nicknames. Stalker is lucky he didn’t end up with ‘Annoying Black Fuzzball’... I’d probably end up calling him ‘Fuzzy’ though so I guess we’re both lucky.” He snickered. “Well, you know you can call me whatever you like and most likely I’ll answer, or possibly come running, but I like ‘Lukey’ better though.”

Luckas laughed in a childish way as once again he pulled hair away from his eyes. “I see...” He chuckled. “Well, if someone is to be holding sharp objects near my head, I’d surely prefer it’d be you... Plus, you know what you like too.” He played. “So, yeah, why not...” Yawning once again Luckas heaved an annoyed sigh. “You know... It’s not fair... You brainwashed me into taking care of myself and now I can’t stay up all night anymore.” He complained, holding back another yawn. “I don’t mind you watching me sleep Lady... I’m a bit concerned with you hearing me now though.” Rubbing his eyes, and hiding his face in his hands in the process of doing so, Luckas suddenly halted and went back to a bit of conversation he’d overlooked. “What do you mean what did I pay you for? Your time, Lady... What I thought I’d taken...” He shrugged. “Not payment in the sense of a business transaction, mind you... In the sense of compensation. Although I am constantly after something, if it’s something I can purchase it’s usually not worth it... Generally speaking.” He stated, raising his head from his hands to look at Ess. “What... Is so ironic though?”

Ess casually stretched backwards over the log, slow and dramatic like until her fingers found her belt upon the ground and snatched up her dagger, sitting up straight once again. She unsheathed the blade in one hand and stood so that she was taller than Luckas, her free hand gently running through his hair. “Ok...you must be crazy..” She played. “No one trusts me with a blade..” Ess giggled, sifting through his hair to find the natural parts, absently holding out a handful of hair and began slicing through at an angle. She started with the back, not holding still for too long as she circled Luckas a few times, her blade easily melting through the hair without pulling a single strand. “Don’t wiggle...” She muttered sternly. “I didn’t brainwash you silly....I don’t think...well wasn’t my intention...and I thought that was what brainwashing was...intentional.” Ess paused stepping back to look at her progress, her fingers reaching towards Luckas’ chin to raise his head and instead hovered over his face to motion for him to look up. “Eyes on me...” She stated with a wink, carefully taking about an inch or so off the lengths around his eyes. “I’m a bit concerned on what comes out of your mouth while you sleep too....especially when you’re away. You know whatever you say around me stays with me, right? I don’t believe in talking about people behind their backs....telling other’s secrets.” Her gaze fluttered around his face before finally locking with his dark stare. “So, you think I’m pretty and I’m worth it. Careful Luckas, you’ll make me blush.” Essence sighed, circling around Luckas once again, thinking about the nickname ‘Lukey’. “Reminds me of when my father use to call me Essy...which by the way...don’t call me that.” Ess winced, giving a playful shiver. “I hated Ian for calling me that...felt like when he did it, it was like a name for a prized cow or something. When my dad did it, I didn’t notice half the time....but that is just different...family....personal...” Ess distracted herself for a moment, the blade cutting through the last bit of Luckas’ hair and into her pointer finger causing her to flinch and startle in surprise. “Damn..” She mumbled, sucking on her finger.

With a flick of her wrist she imbedded her dagger into the wooden log and used her free hand to sift and shake out the loose stragglers of severed hair, brushing away the scratchy pieces from his neck. “Ironic...just how much has changed from that night in the Castle, Luckas. I met the Captain, life changing....I ran into you again...” She sighed, sitting down in front of him. “It was like...an awakening of sorts. That night was the last night I...” Ess averted her eyes to her dagger. “I...the last time I abused myself...the last time I allowed a stranger into my bed. So yes...Ironic because I wanted something more and now I’m searching for it. Looks like I’m finally getting somewhere.”

“Hmm...” Luckas held as still as he possibly could, his eyes obediently fixed on Ess in a manner much similar to a puppy. Overall, though, his expression was one of contemplation as he listened to her words. “I know you wouldn’t go around telling people my secrets, that’s not what concerns me actually.” He stated simply, not quite going into why he was concerned. “Is there some sort of danger to making you blush, Lady? I highly doubt you haven’t been called pretty before.” He stated, a slight questioning tone to his voice, even though it wasn’t exactly a question. “Regardless... I don’t see stating a fact as paying a compliment exactly... But if I did, I would be implicitly complimenting you every time I address you, which happened hundreds of times in the past months... I’d assume that’d be enough to get used to it.” He said, a playful look crossing his eyes momentarily, but melting away in seconds as he continued in a very ‘matter of fact’ way. “I never quite liked being called ‘Lukey’, but it sounds better when you say it. I don’t know... I guess I like it now then.” He mumbled the last couple of words, closing his eyes for a little bit and letting out a long sigh as she mentioned her brother. “Too bad can’t kill ‘em twice.”

Luckas opened his eyes when Ess moved to sit in front of him, idly running his fingers through his hair. “Huh... That was considerably painless...” He joked, snickering softly for a moment and then taking a serious tone as he gave a nod of agreement to her words. “Lots changed, I see what you mean... And you know... That was a good night. I didn’t sleep then either... I almost, almost, followed you home, I remember... Because the castle was so very boring at night.” Lowering his hand from where he had been still messing with his hair, Luckas paused to silently stare at Ess for a few moments as if questioning himself, after which he spoke, averting his gaze. “If I... Uh... I was wondering about something, just out of curiosity but you don’t have to answer...” Luckas paused again, scratching the back of his neck. “I remember you saying you have never ‘entertained’ without a price... And you just moments ago described intimacy as something men pay women to do behind closed doors... Have you always seen it that way? I mean... Was there never a moment when you didn’t? Even hypothetically so?”

Ess looked at her cut finger, satisfied that it should stop bleeding and retrieved her dagger from the log, flipping it over in her hand and tossing it into the earth between her feet. Again and again she retrieved it and chucked it into the dirt in the same spot. An uncomfortable feeling irked its way along the back of her neck at Luke’s comment about her having heard that compliment before and she shrugged. “Sure..you said so the night at the Castle and at first I had the same reaction I did when any man said that to me. That he’s full of shit. Do you realize the only other two men in my life who have said that to me, who I actually believed, were my family? My father and Jake. Any time that was said to me, it was either a lie, a form of manipulation, or some way for them to attempt to royally screw me over...literally sometimes too. So yes, to accept it now, is a big deal....especially when I hear it from someone who isn’t family and isn’t only hanging around me for one thing.” Essence twitched slightly, a look of confusion crossing her eyes as she looked up at Luckas, the blade in her hand which froze in place as she asked a question. “When have I called you Lukey?” Ess smirked. “I honestly don’t remember...was I drunk? I’m sorry if you don’t like Sweetness...”

Ess’ eyes narrowed slightly, intently absorbing the haircut she had just given him and nodded finally after a bit of silence in approval of her work. “Looks good, not too short...not too different in style from when we met...If I remember correctly...wanna see?” She asked, getting up to grab a shard of the mirror she had smashed the night she first had her nightmare and came back to her seat to continue tossing the dagger into the hole in the ground she was forming. She put down the piece of mirror between her and Luckas. “You know, if you followed me home, I don’t honestly know how I would have reacted.” She laughed, letting her smile close as she thought on Luckas’ question, not actually expecting something so personal to be voiced and at first she couldn’t tell if she was ashamed to answer, angry, or simply embarrassed. Her expression contorted in several directions, each time she went to speak she stopped, changing her mind on how she was gonna answer so that she came off almost like she was stuttering. “Well...um...ok...remember how I said in the Castle that, well basically I mentioned it being only business and how I never...” Ess cleared her throat. “In my experience...never enjoyed that kind of intimacy. I mean..can anyone really blame me? I never wanted to and it was always forced upon me..and at such a young age, so when it became a choice...I still didn’t want to and it became a necessity instead.” Ess made sure to find Luckas’ eyes before she continued, a subtle glow emanating from her stare. “...Like you agreed, seconds ago...a lot has changed...and if I wasn’t starting to accept the possibility of...seeing intimacy differently, then I would still be falling into ‘old habits’, no? I think I hope...even if foolishly, to not miss out on what it could mean for me, like so many others...even though I’m not sure it’s possible. Intimacy is a big word and can mean many things. Like...a hug or a kiss.” Ess let a sad smile curl her lips, her tone softening. “Now that was always something I never did for money...that was always an ‘intimate’ thing for me to keep and use when I thought it meant something. I never let those bastards take that away from me.”

“Not drunk, more like sleepy...” Luckas replied when asked when she had called him Lukey. “Think was on the first night I visited here actually... Or... Hmm... No, it was the second time... When I brought you Jasper’s memory... I got up to wander about, ended up chatting with Beast Boy... Was when I came back from that.” He concluded, nodding at his own words, but stopping when the memory of what he’d almost done right after that came back to him, causing him to wince slightly. He made no direct comment on it though simply mumbling to himself. “Good girl, Tala...” Shaking his head as he pushed that thought away, he gave a slight shrug. “I don’t dislike that you call me that, I was just confused by it I suppose.” He shrugged. “Nothing that would call for apologies, I’d say.”

Luckas stared quietly at Ess, seeming a bit intrigued when she asked if he wanted to see, sleep starting to cloud his thought process for a moment, making it so he didn’t quite understand what she meant at first, only becoming clear when she brought the mirror shard. Luke’s first reaction to seeing the broken mirror was jumping up from where he was sitting as if the harmless piece of glass was going to come to life and bite him, but after another moment he calmed himself and sat back down, still making sure to look at anything but the mirror. “No, thanks, I... Don’t need to see it.” He stated, trying to sound casual, but coming off a bit shaky, eyes still avoiding the general direction of the mirror shard; first looking away completely, but eventually focusing his attention on Ess’ face as she spoke, nodding along to her words as she answered his question. “I see... I understand that, or least I’m confident that I do...” He replied, a slight awkwardness to his tone. “You know, you shouldn’t use that word so much, ‘foolish’, ‘foolishly’... The only times when you should make a fool of yourself are when you can have fun with it.”

Ess nodded, thinking about that night Luckas had visited with the news of her brother and Jasper, her eyes glittering at the memory of Jasper’s justified fate. “For Jemma...” She whispered, thinking about her friend for the first time in a long while. She had been distracted with the thought so only caught Luckas’ reaction to the mirror piece with a bit of a delay. Ess stared at him in silence for a bit, not quite understanding what the exact issue was, but instead of asking she quietly used her dagger to widen the hole between her feet and dropped the shard into the hole, burying it. “Ok...no mirror. Gotcha...eh I guess if you really wanted to know you could just look into my eyes.” She stated sweetly, opening a smile. “I don’t say the term ‘foolish’ in the meaning you’re taking it. I say it thinking, well a nicer way of saying idiot, or delusional...or for the end result in wishing or searching for something in vain. Perhaps in the past it’s even been entertaining for others to watch and enjoy, but never something I see as having fun with.” She shrugged, letting her smile falter and went silent. Ess’ stomach twisted in a dull, sickened feeling, the conversation making her slightly uncomfortable, but it hadn’t affected her quite as much as she had expected; she was able to talk about it and she didn’t avoid it. Not knowing what else was left to say she just turned back towards Luckas and smiled, once again reaching out to ruffle his hair.

Luckas arched an eyebrow at Ess’ explanation of foolishness and nodded. “Well Lady... Maybe you should just use my meaning instead. Because it’s better... It’s way better than thinking things to be delusional or in vain ahead of time. Some time... We should be foolish with fire... Fire makes everything more fun, right?” He played, snickering and shooting a quiet glance at the spot where the mirror had been buried, shaking his head and once again trying to pull away from having his hair messed with. “I just gave you a perfect excuse to keep doing that, didn’t I?” He asked, a look of amusement in his eyes, his expression gradually turning more serious as he stared at her. “Is it alright that I asked that? You’re not... Upset, right?” He smiled. “Wouldn’t want to be intrusive or anything.”

Ess stood, sheathing her blade into her belt and leaving it beside the fire pit, her eyes searching for her boots. As she found them and put them on, tucking her pant legs into them she smiled, “Is it time already for another party? Since I threw the last one, I say it’s your turn to pick the...time and place for fiery fun, no? Only fair.” Absently she fiddled with her hair, re-braiding it and rolling it up into a tight bun, a few straggler curls dancing at the corners of her eyes. “You’re tired...go relax...I’m going to start early with my routine I think...so when you are ready..come find me by the river, north of the camp.” Moving around Luckas she let her fingers brush along his shoulder and sighed. “I’m never upset with you for taking an active interest in me. I would tell you anything, so long as you ask.” Walking away from Luckas she brought her fingers to her lips and waved, jogging off towards where her son slept in the camp. “I think Darren’s slept long enough...” She muttered to herself.

[Present Time, Otium 17 nightfall]

Luckas stirred when he realized the room was starting to darken. His body hurt now from the training session, his eyes casting an eerie red glow upon the sheet of paper he’d been staring at. The drawing Ess had given him the morning he left the Nest hung loosely in his grasp, Sam’s words still burning in his ears. “If you knew what I’ve been thinking, Lady... You might just hit me with another chair...” Luke muttered at the drawing.
-----------------------------

[Otium 17, early evening]

“How long are you going to sit there and mess up the floor?”

Sam snorted, looking up at Amber with a dangerous look in her eyes. “What is the one thing I told you to never ever do in front of me?”

Amber sighed. “Never ever be Lukey.” She smirked, changing her form to the redhead boy she’d been at the Blackpond party. “Well, I had to get your attention somehow. That hand needs healing and you’re blocking the door.”

Amber had been jumping on Sam’s bed when she came into the room, slammed the door shut and just sat on the ground leaning against it. She was still slowly bouncing on her knees as she tried to get the woman to at least say something. Her usually amused demeanor all but gone.

“I don’t want any healing.” Sam muttered.

“Okay, what did he do?” Amber questioned, bouncing off the bed. “Maybe next time I’ll bite his ear right off.”

Sam laughed weakly. “There won’t be a next time. And you... What the hell... He was very close to killing you.”

“Not nearly close enough.” Amber snickered, sitting on the floor beside Sam. “I’m sure I can do better.”

“That’s not funny.”

Amber shook her head, reaching for Sam’s hand and carefully picking some bits of glass from the bloody gashes. “I’m not trying to amuse you. I’m just stating facts. I took it easy on him, I could have done a lot worse. I would have, but I was sure you wouldn’t approve of that.” She smiled. “It’s either healing or stitches... Do you really want me poking at you with needles?”

Sam shrugged. “If you want to stitch it I won’t stop you, but I don’t want to see anyone; not Celeste, not Zeke: no one. There are supplies on my desk.”

“You are such a child sometimes, I swear...” Amber muttered, standing up to pick up the supplies. “Can you at least get off the floor? Or you want me to carry you? Tuck you into bed? Sing you to sleep? The works?”

“I didn’t bring you up here to be my caretaker Amber.” Sam mumbled.

“Someone has to be, the way you are... You don’t let healers in your room, Zeke is only useful for one thing, and that little weirdo you’re so enamored with can barely feed himself if left unsupervised.” Amber dropped the medicine kit on top of the bed and sighed, returning to Sam’s side and offering her hand to help the woman off the floor. “I’m not actually carrying you.”

Sam accepted the offered hand and pushed herself off the ground with Amber’s help, stumbling a little bit and realizing she must have lost more blood than she realized. “Don’t say that...”

“Which part?” Amber smirked, leading the woman to sit on her bed.

“Enamored. That’s pathetic...”

“Well, then you’re pathetic, Mistress.” Amber shrugged, opening the medicine pack and finding alcohol, needles, thread and bandages. She stopped in her tracks when Sam suddenly ran her fingers through the short copper colored hair of her chosen persona. Amber smirked. “I forgot, you don’t like red hair. I can change, if you want.”

“I didn’t say I don’t like it. I said I’m not into redheads; there’s a difference.” She smiled. “It’s shorter than when you wore it last time... I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Ah, I have my tricks.” Amber tilted her head to one side and shook her head as if to try to shake Sam’s hand away, her own hands busy with sanitizing and threading the sewing needle. “I can’t change individual facial traits, but hair is different. That I can play with. There other things, like, scars I can hide... Open wounds, as you can see; they remain.”

Sam frowned momentarily at the open cut on the redhead boy’s face. “You should stitch that too.”

Amber snorted a laugh. “It’s clean and it’s not that deep. I won’t die of it. I can go to Celeste or one of the other blue bitches in the morning.”

“Blue bitches?” Sam arched an eyebrow.

“They are. Don’t think I’ve forgotten them from before. Don’t think they’ve forgotten me either.” Amber shrugged, calmly cleaning and starting to stitch Sam’s wounded hand. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Luckas didn’t do anything wrong.”

“That’s what you always say.” Amber smiled. “So what did he ‘not do’ this time?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Amber.” Sam’s tone was harsh and she tensed so much that her fists involuntarily clenched, disrupting the stitch work and causing her a great deal of pain.

Amber slapped Sam lightly in the face. “Don’t move damn it.”

Sam responded by gripping the redhead boy’s chin with her good hand rather roughly. “I should cut off that hand.” She sneered.

Amber grinned. “You definitely should, or else I’ll just do it again, but you won’t do that.” She continued working on the stitches, without looking, laughter in her blue eyes as she held the woman’s angry glare. “Amongst other reasons, you and I both know how useful these hands have been in the past three years.”

“Three years is hardly long enough for you to assume to know what I’ll do... Or that you know me all that well... It’s that arrogance that’s bound to get you killed one day.” Sam snorted, releasing Amber’s face. Her tone had been amused despite the harsh words. The trace of a smile that had formed itself upon her face disappeared when there was a knock on the door.

“Sammy!”

Amber had finished the stitches and didn’t even glance at the door. “Let him knock.” She reached for the bandages and snorted gripping the woman’s hand with a bit more force when she stirred, looking at the door. “Let him.” She repeated, calmly wrapping the bandages around Sam’s wounded hand. “Three years ago I was nothing to you and now I’m here. I think I’ve earned the right to be arrogant.” She shrugged, moving their conversation forward as though she couldn’t hear the increasingly desperate banging on the bedroom door. “There, all done.” She announced, releasing Sam’s bandaged hand.

Sam heaved a long sigh, staring at her hands for a few moments and then reaching out to run both hands through the short red hair. “My brother had red hair.” She admitted. “It reminds me of him... this... Face... Reminds me of him... It doesn’t look like him, but it reminds me still.” She let her hands rest in the back of Amber’s head just behind her ears, leaning forward to plant a firm kiss on her forehead. “You were always something to me, even if I didn’t know it yet.” She whispered, letting her hands trail down from the boy’s hair and sitting back with an aggravated sigh. There was no more knocking on the door, but he was still there. She knew he was still there. “Let him.” Sam muttered under her breath. She wasn’t angry, not truly, but spiteful, yes; wounded maybe. That was new. She never wanted to hurt Luckas, or at least that’s what she told herself, but right in that moment she couldn't help but enjoy the thought of him sitting outside her door. Like the pet she claimed he wasn’t.

[Wolfpack Camp, Otium 16 - Afternoon]

“The Pack laws are clear, Ryan. When the Alpha dies without appointing a Second, the clan votes.”

“There’s no need to vote. Donovan is the obvious candidate.”

“He’s a kid!”

“So was Dani Rivers and she wasn’t the Second when she took over as Alpha.”

“With all due respect, Dani took over after all but a few full fledged Wolves had been eliminated. And the kid’s not Dani Rivers! He’s barely out of training.”

“We should call Crystal back.”

“She’s not coming back, Lawrence!”

Donovan was literally standing in the middle of a divided clan. His expression was empty despite the repeated arguments towards his lack of competence. It had taken him a while, but he had found all that Sean had left behind in the Leader’s Cabin. His brother’s wishes were beyond clear, and if it killed him, Donovan would see them met.

Doni,

I trust no one else. Not only with this, but with anything. As much as it pains me to admit, Bana had a point in killing our Seconds all this time, because; look around you. Look at what the Wolfpack has become now. The shattered pieces of what we used to stand for. I know in many ways I’ve caused this, but if you’re reading this, then it’s out of my hands to fix it. Do you want to know what made Dani the leader she was? Crystal? Their willingness to open up and bleed.

I didn’t appoint a Second in command because what the Wolfpack needs now is not someone’s sense of duty. What the Pack needs is someone willing to bleed. Someone willing to pour their own life into a shattered group of frightened men and women and make it whole again.

What the Pack needs is a willing sacrifice

Donovan opened his eyes to the sight of the entire clan staring at him, awaiting the answer to a question he hadn’t bothered to hear. The boy heaved a long sigh. “I don’t want to be Alpha,” he stated.

The argument resumed following his statement, every voice in the clearing speaking at the same time in a mess of blurred words and discord. Doni let it go on for about a minute before putting both index fingers to his lips and letting out an ear piercing whistle. “I’m not done talking.” He muttered, once the act managed to silence the crowds. “I don’t want to be Alpha, but I will.”

“With what authority?” Lawrence spoke up, stepping out of the crowd to stand before Donovan, the man towering over the teenage boy with a menacing sneer curling his lips.

Donovan smiled calmly, stopping Ryan with a gesture as his friend seemed ready to make the Instructor swallow his words. Doni put his hand in his pocket and fished the ring Crys had given him. He held the object for the clan to see. “Crys gave me this after Sean died...”

“She has no authority in the clan to appoint a new Alph-” Lawrence started, but was interrupted with yet another whistle from Donovan.

“Let me finish, will you?” Donovan snorted. He held out the ring in the palm of his hand. “I want you to look around you, Lawrence. I want you to look at this bunch of frightened, pathetic, broken, losers. At this pathetic excuse for a clan. These aren’t warriors. These aren’t Wolves; not anymore. They’re frightened children desperately searching for someone to blame. Like I said, I don’t want to be Alpha. I don’t want to stand here and say ‘this is my fault’, but I’m willing. I will. I’ll take that burden knowing what it means. So let me ask you, brother, do you want to be Alpha? Do you want this ring? Because if you do; take it.”

Lawrence shook in his resolve immediately. The entire encampment fell into a stunned silence at Donovan’s words. The teenager standing alone amongst hundreds of trained killers, whom he had just called pathetic in about three different ways, watching as the older man slowly backed away from him as though Donovan had him at sword point.

“Anyone?” Donovan offered. His tone was calm, his outstretched hand perfectly steady as he held out the silver ring. “Last chance.” He stated, giving a few more moments. “No?” Finally he closed his fist around the ring and lowered his hand. “Congratulations. You’ve all voted. Ryan is my Second from this moment forward. As for the rest of you; hold on to your ranks while you can. Starting tomorrow things are going to change.”

“What do you mean?” One of the younger actives questioned.

“I mean that Dani Rivers is buried. My brother is buried. And both left more than enough fuck ups to last a thousand lifetimes. Where power lies within this clan is only one of them.”

“You’re changing the clan’s Hierarchy?”

“Not literally, but in a sense.” Donovan answered. The boy snickered at the apprehensive looks being shot his way. “It’s not a concern right now. Those of you not in charge of security tonight, take the day to rest. Breathe. While you can.”

The stunned silence resumed as the clan dispersed. Donovan turned around, heading towards the leader’s cabin with Ryan one step behind. The clan didn’t accept; even less trusted him, but for now he only needed them to listen, to follow. All else would come to them with time. Or so he hoped.

------------

[Raven’s Nest, Otium 16 - Afternoon]

Jake was silent on the trip from Newhaven to the Nest. He wanted to get there as soon as possible and not dawdle on the way so he bound Rick’s wrists together and tied the man with a reasonable length of rope to Shadow’s saddle so that he was forced to keep up. For the most part Jake dragged the mad king behind him, uncaring whenever the man stumbled over his own feet. Why Rick was needed alive was beyond him; the King was barely functional, and even before that he was a worthless excuse of a man. Every now and again he shot a glance to Simon to make sure the man was following as well. As they drew near, Jake slowed Shadow enough that Rick could recover from his latest tumble and he could pay better attention to his unwanted company. “Tell me one thing, Simon... Lamya; what is she to your little group? I’ve met her, I believe, twice... And the only thing that was entirely clear to me is that the woman is insane. Not like good King Rick here; no, but not one word out of her mouth is to be trusted. I’d soon keep the company of a feral cat than someone like her.” Jake kept his eyes on the path as though not actually caring for an answer. “How does someone like that get to be elite in the Blackpond military? That is how you all started, isn’t it? It baffles me. Never took Hastings for a fool. An asshole and a drunk; sure, but not a fool.”

Simon could appreciate the silence that came with accompanying Jake Turner. From what he'd learned as a part of the Conflict, the Turners had a tendency towards stoicism. This was likely a result of the matriarch of the family. Helena Turner was a woman who only ever used her words when she felt there was something to gain from them. At least, that was the impression that Simon had got with the many scouting missions that Hastings had them take to the Healers. Her daughter might not have been the most silent of the bunch, but she was also a rebel in many ways through her childhood and even on into her adulthood. Jake, however, seemed to hold truer to Helena's image. That being said, Simon knew next to nothing about Jake besides what he'd gathered through adventuring his mind on the rare occasion that he could actually tap into Jake's mind.
The silence was suddenly broken when Jake chose to rant about Lamya. It was odd; well, not entirely. It was only odd that he would even choose to go on about this. It completely shattered the stoic attitude that Jake seemed so hard pressed to keep up. He may have seemed to be throwing away the question, but the verbal vomit gave away his morbid curiosity.
Simon thought about letting the question pass, letting it eat away at his psyche. It would have been fun, but he had no reason to keep the Conflict's secrets anymore. Simon's secrets were his own. They were the only ones that mattered.
“I'm sorry to disappoint you. I know some things about Lamya that you don't, but it only leads me to fear her even more. She acts like it’s all a game, but she speaks like her actions have no rhyme or reason. Even fighting to her looks like a game. She fights on a level beyond anyone else that I've ever met and it looks like a predator playing with its food when she really fights. I've never seen her lose a fight and I've never seen her take any of those fights seriously. Hastings feared her, Rory feared her, and clearly you fear her. If you don't, take it from someone who spent his life putting his trust in her: you should fear her.” He looked to see if Jake was even paying attention.

“You spent your life depositing your trust in someone you fear? That is, literally, the saddest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I think now I might pity you.” Jake stated simply, his eyes fixed on the path still. “I don’t fear Lamya, Simon. I’ll admit that she invokes several different feelings in me, but I assure you fear is definitely not one. Even if she is all those things you say, and possibly more, she bleeds like everyone else.”

Jake pressed Shadow on, making the horse tug on Rick’s bindings; causing the man to stumble just because, returning to his silence for the most part. As much as Jake wanted to see Lamya bleed, as much as he believed the world safer without her, he genuinely didn’t believe her to be worth him going out of his way when he was needed by his crew and his family. If the opportunity presented itself however, he would sure as hell take it. “It is a sad thought... That a city like Blackpond would crumble like it did all in fear of one crazy woman.” Despite calling the situation ‘sad’, Jake couldn’t help the bit of laughter that escaped him at the sound of his own words. It sounded like a terrible joke told by a drunken bard. “Oh how the mighty have fallen,” he snorted.

The horse moved on and so did the world. Simon ignored Rick as he stumbled to keep up. Jake's attitude towards the king was understandable. Rick was nothing more a vestigial tumour in Jake's life. For that matter, Simon was not much better. They were merely two men with intersecting paths on the journey that lead them towards whatever end they were fated to meet. The dagger was what held the two together and as long as Simon needed the dagger, he would find himself in close proximity to Jake. Or at least hunted by him.
Rick made another grunt. This time, Simon looked back to make sure he was alright. He didn't care much for Rick. At least, not beyond the utility of the man. It was his hope that Simon's encounter with the other telepath within Rick's mind would be an opportunity to gain a complete sense of obedience within Rick. Making Rick Simon's servant would have made his life a lot easier. The other telepath was more of a problem than Simon had anticipated, though. Simon had to scramble Rick's mind in order to even have a chance at salvaging any sort of complacency in Rick.
He hoped that Rick would make it just a little while longer, but Simon feared that Rick wouldn't make it much longer until the sickness overtook him.
Simon had held out on Jake for long enough now. “I've looked into the mind of everyone I've ever had a conversation with. I'm looking at your mind right now. I can't control it. It isn't even something I really want to do most times. However, this allows me to have a unique insight into people that I'm sure not many get the pleasure of having. Most minds are like an open book. Unless you're insane, that is. The insane are like a maze. If I didn't know the path through Rick's mind, I don't know what I'd do. Lamya's mind is different than even that. It’s like she has no thoughts. No memories. Nothing. She may bleed like everyone else, but her mind is like no one else's and if that doesn't invoke any sort of fear in you, than I pity you.”

Jake snickered under his breath. “The mind shuts down when you die, Simon. Everything shuts down when you die. And as you and I both know... We’re all gonna die. Sooner or later. One way or another. Am I more pitiful than you for not living my life in fear of someone else’s mind? For surrendering my time to people I consider worthy of emotions far more valuable to me than fear? You’re surely entitled to your opinion.” He shrugged.

The rest of the trip was silent, but the Nest was not too far along the path and as soon as they crossed the borders of the Raven’s territory the three men were greeted by a pair of large wolves; a lean, rust colored male and a white fluffy female. Kaya dashed forward and immediately started to circle Jake and Shadow, sniffing at the horse’s legs and thoroughly annoying the animal. Ward, the rust colored pup, remained seated a bit ahead down the path. Jake stopped Shadow before the horse decided to kick his fluffy nuisance and jumped down from the horse, letting Kaya thoroughly inspect him and lick his face and hands. “Where’s your plush, Kaya? Did you leave it with Crys? Hm?” He asked the wolf, scratching her between her ears. “That’s a good girl, yes you are... Such a pretty girl...”

Once the white wolf seemed pleased enough with the affection given she turned her attention to Jake’s company. Her ears perked and her tail raising slightly, swishing from side to side as she approached them, sniffing. Jake allowed the wolf to explore freely as he untied Rick’s rope from Shadow and threw it at Simon as though handing him a dog’s leash. “Kaya, come here.” He called. Kaya immediately retreated to stand at Jake’s right, ears upright, her mismatched eyes staring up at him in wait of a command. Jake got on one knee and whispered to the wolf, his right hand pointing in Simon and Rick’s direction. Kaya darted towards the men, circling them both with a much more watchful demeanor; all her playfulness and curiosity now gone. “For as long as you’re under my responsibility, Kaya is going to be stuck to your asses wherever you go in this camp. She’s the calmest animal you’ll ever meet, but should you try and step one toe outside the limits of this camp she’ll immediately set off an alarm and hunt you down like rabbits. Another thing; there are children in this camp. You are to stay out of their path and most importantly keep Your Highness over there the hell away from them. Otherwise, you are free to roam. Consider yourselves our guests.”

-----------

[White Shadows Encampment, Otium 16 - early evening]

“Annie...”

“Hm.” Annie mumbled, acknowledging Emily’s voice but not looking at the girl as she walked from the archive to the children’s ward.

“Alistair said that the man who died, the Alpha, that he was your brother.”

“Half brother.” Annie corrected, glancing at the girl. “We shared a father, if one could even say that; I haven’t actually met the man. Why?”

“So that girl who died, his sister...”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry. That must be difficult.”

“It is. And if you tell anyone I admitted to that I’ll deny it.” Annie smiled at the girl and gave a half shrug. “I have a reputation too, you know.”

“I remember my brothers now.”

Annie stopped walking before reaching the children’s tent, the sound of excited chatter and Sora’s barks reaching them. “Enough to look for them?”

“There’s nothing to look for. One of them... Well... He hurt me. The other died.”

“And that’s all you remember?”

“I still don’t know where I’ve been or how I got here. Do you think it’ll come back? I... I don’t think I want it to. If I try to think about it, I feel sick.”

Annie sighed. “I can’t answer that with any amount of certainty, Emily. All I can do is try to help you; whatever happens. Though my mother would say that you shouldn’t be afraid, that if or when the memory comes back it’s because you decided it’s time to deal with it.”

“That’s... What I’m afraid of.” Emily mumbled.

Annie gave the girl’s shoulder a firm squeeze. “We’re all afraid of something.”

“I guess.” Emily half smiled. “I think... I’m going to skip on story time this once, if you don’t mind. I’m not feeling very well.”

-------

Jet black splinters of formerly unbreakable stone crashed down upon the earth with such force that the very foundations of Valcrest trembled upon impact. The deafening sound of the explosion created by the shattering of War’s dark armor combined with the God’s angered roars to create a sound that shook the very soul of every human present in the battle field. The shards flew in every direction, engulfed in crimson fire, scattering throughout the land and embedding themselves into its very core. The warriors of Blackpond fell to their knees and the Knights of Newhaven stayed their blades, such was their shock at the sight. The battle fell into absolute silence as the fallen God, now stripped of his armor, lay fallen on the bloodied ground.

War had never walked the mortal realm without his armor and those who dared glance at his defenseless form described it as the image of a large man with skin pale as ash and hair as black as the surface of his helm, glowing red eyes widened in what could be fear or rage; or both as he continued to scream into the winds. If there were words spoken amongst the wounded God’s roars, they were not in any language known to men.

Whether there were words amongst War’s anguished screams; calling to her, or it was the screaming itself that drew her, is unknown. What those present knew for certain, what they witnessed, was the silent figure of a young girl draped in white silk, golden light emanating from her eyes underneath locks of dark hair. Peace was now walking amongst the stunned warriors; dirt and gore staining the skin of her bare feet as well as the hem of her gown as she crossed the battlefield towards her fallen Brother; her steps calm and persistent.

The young Goddess’ presence caused every soldier in her path to drop their weapons, the battle now forgotten, as they stood in awe of her. This was the closest Peace had ever ventured to the walls of Blackpond, the two siblings never before seen in each other’s company since their arrival in Valcrest. It had been the people’s assumption that there was resentment between them, as there would sometimes be amongst human siblings, but the truth was that they knew nothing of Gods and their ways.

Peace appeared small, fragile, kneeling beside her Twin, but she seemed to have no trouble pulling the fallen God partially onto her lap, cradling his massive form in her arms in a gentle embrace. Peace spoke to her brother, her words sounding to the humans present as unintelligible whispers, her tone gentle and soothing. Gradually the fallen God’s screams faded as though his Sister’s words could somehow ease his pain.

A long time passed and soon there was no longer sound in the ravaged battlefield; no screams, no whispers, not even the breaths of those surrounding the two Twins were heard. Finally War closed his eyes and breathed for one last time, his form disintegrating into specks of golden ash, slipping through his Sister’s hands and fading in the winds. Peace remained kneeled upon the filthy ground for a few moments still, her gaze rose to the skies and the trace of a smile could be seen briefly crossing her delicate features. At last she stood, and as calmly as she had arrived, she now took her leave from the battlefield; the blood and grime coating the previously white silk gown the only remains of the fallen God of War.

Annie looked around as she finished telling the story. There was absolute silence within the white canvas of the tent. Not the children, nor the apprentices had made a sound while the young healer read and silent they had remained once she had finally closed the book to end the story session. One of the younger patients had asked an apprentice earlier that day about death and whether or not there was an afterlife... The girl had been at a loss for words, which in these sorts of situation is quite understandable, and Annie decided that the story might be a good idea. It didn’t necessarily speak of Death or the Beyond, however it spoke greatly of the act of dying; of letting go, and Annie believed it to be the most frightening part of the process. The most difficult even for adult minds to bear. She didn’t ask the children what, if anything, they had learned from the story; she expected they would draw their conclusions and ask what they needed to ask.

“Is this why you give people who are dying a ‘blessing’?” One of the smaller boys asked finally, breaking the silence. “Is that the same thing Peace was doing?”

Annie nodded, watching with the corner of her eye as Irvin stood up and left the tent in a hurry. “Some people think that if a healer prays; calls, to Her on their behalf then Peace will whisper to them and ease their fears. Others just want to hear comforting words, or simply not be alone when they die.”

“Is it true,” Kieran cut in, “that you can only really feel at peace when you die?”

“Some people believe that. I don’t.” Annie shrugged. “I think people expect things like Peace and happiness to be constant; absolute, and so they don’t truly acknowledge the fact that these things exist already in their lives within moments. Death is only that, Kieran; one final moment. It can mean whatever you want it to mean. It doesn’t have to be painful, it doesn’t have to be frightening. It doesn’t even have to be the end.”

“Aren’t you afraid to die, Miss Annie?”

Annie sighed at the young boy’s question. “We’re all a little bit of afraid, Joshua, and no one really wants to die, but whenever Lady Death comes for me, I trust that I’ll be ready.”

--------------

“Irvin, we can’t be here right now. We need to get to the White Shadows. You need to move.”
Jake grabbed Irvin by the arm and shoved him into the trees. “Kid! Move! Now!”

Irvin walked the path for a few miles, but stopped again. “You promised to help me get him! You said...”

“I said I would help you.” Jake corrected him. “That’s what I’ve been doing. It’s what I’m still doing.”

“That’s not the kind of help I needed, Killer! What I wanted; what I needed, was to make him pay.”

“And he will, Irvin. There’s no reason why your life needs to end with his.”

“That’s not your decision; or your business, Jake!”

“Yes, it is my business, Kid. It is my business because I started this. You want someone to hate, you want someone to punish with your own two hands, then I’m here. I put the knife in his hand, I watched him breaking and I did nothing. I wanted someone to pay and I didn’t care who else got hurt. I did. Me. You think you know what you saw, but you don’t, Irvin... Forget who he is now, or whatever else he’s done, that day; on that one day, Sean was just another casualty; same as you. I’m the bad guy in this story. And you’re in denial, because you think it takes the kind of person Sean is now to go that far, but it doesn’t. That’ll be you in ten years if you don’t stop and reevaluate.”

Irvin shook his head, not wanting to listen. Jake was going to say something else, but stopped when he heard movement, lowering his tone. “We can finish this later, right now we need to get going.”

When Jake tried to pull Irvin along with him, the boy pulled his arm from his grasp and punched him in jaw. Jake didn’t even seem to feel the punch and responded by striking Irvin in return and then dragging him along the path by the collar. “Sorry, Kid... We don’t have time for this.”

Irvin had left the tent as soon as Annie finished with her story, not wanting to hear any more of it. He hadn’t told Darren anything of what happened between him and Jake and only really agreed to come along to the story so he didn’t have to talk.The bruise on the left side of his face was stinging still; not to mention his knuckles. The pain was a reminder of a lot of things he wished had never happened. He couldn’t ignore it as well as he had ignored everything else for the past six years of his life. This was a bad idea. All of it. Maybe he would have been better in prison doing that psychotic redhead’s bidding after all; at least he’d be having fun. Irv sighed, walking aimlessly and not paying attention to his surroundings, purposely ignoring one of the healers as the man asked if he was alright, only stopping when he felt himself collide with someone at full force. “Sorry,” he muttered, not sounding sorry in one bit, but stopping and turning to help the girl he knocked over; or so he intended, but when he caught sight of her he immediately froze in place. “Ems?”

The girl looked up at Irvin with wide eyes, crawling backwards away from him and shuffling to her feet. “Can’t be...” She muttered, rubbing her temples. “Can’t...”

“Emily...” Irvin called, taking a step forward, but stopping when Emily retreated. “Come on, it’s me... I’m your brother...”

“No... Nononono...” She whimpered, turning her back to Irvin and wandering off as though trying to ignore a very persistent hallucination.

“Ems...” Irvin called, starting off after his sister. “Ems, stop, talk to me... What happened? Hey...” He ran a few steps to catch up to her and grabbed her wrist. “Stop, please.”

Emily pulled her arm out of Irvin’s grip. “Don’t... Touch me! Leave me a alone!”

“Emily... What...”

“You’re not my brother!” Emily shouted. “My brother’s dead!”

Irvin flinched, not knowing what to say or how to ease his little sister’s distress. “I... Ems...” He mumbled, once again trying to reach out to his sister only to stop in his tracks when she retreated away from him like a frightened infant, tears pooling in her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.He didn’t know if she was in denial, or if truly didn’t recognize him, and he didn’t know what to do or say to help the situation. “I’m not dead.” He spoke softly. “Allan lied to you, Emmy. They just took me to prison. I was fine.”

Emily shook her head, once again rubbing her temples as though it hurt her to think. “No, no, no... I remember... I don’t... I can’t...” She groaned closing her eyes tight. “I don’t know.”

Some of the children had run out of the tent at the commotion, someone had called out for Annie, and the rest of the healers were standing around almost as stunned as Irvin, not sure whether to treat the situation as though he was harassing the girl or as though it was a personal matter, only watching that it not escalate to anything possibly harmful.

“Look at me. Emily, look at me...” Irvin pleaded, “I’m right here.”

“Why? Why are you hurting me? Leave me alone...” She mumbled, eyes still shut tight, hands clutching the sides of her head.

Irvin opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He was staring at the distraught girl in complete and utter shock. He was only startled out of his stupor when someone walked right past him in a blur. Annie had walked a straight line to Emily, wrapping one arm around the girl’s shoulders and starting to lead her away. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll deal with you in a minute.” She spoke over her shoulder at Irvin.

Irv stood there until both girls were out of sight, finally hiding his face in his hands and letting out a muffled cry. The boy sighed, running his hands over his eyes and through his hair. “She’s alive... She’s safe...” He whispered to himself, trying to take comfort in the fact even though the look in his little sister’s eyes was causing him a searing pain in the pit of his stomach.

------------

[Blackpond Inn, Otium 17th - Morning]

“Where are you going, Boss?” Nick called cheerfully, watching Crys head for the door of the Inn.
“Nicholas...” Crys muttered, stopping and turning to face the man. “I’ve told you not to call me that. I don’t like it, alright?” She warned calmly. “I’m going to pay someone a visit. I don’t plan on being away too long. If someone comes looking for me you tell them to come back tomorrow, unless it’s a friend; if it’s a friend you can let them wait if they like.”

“Okay... How am I supposed to know if they’re a friend?” Nick questioned seeming a bit confused.

“Be a good judge of character, Nicky; that’s what I pay you for.” Crys smirked, not waiting for the man to respond before leaving the Inn.

“I want a raise!” Nick shouted after her, snorting as the door closed. “You don’t even pay me anything, crazy woman...” He mumbled under his breath.

The Inn was rarely quiet during the day even when Crys was out, but on this particular day the recruits were training out of city with a couple of the other assassins and the place was completely empty aside from himself. So after a couple of hours of absolutely nothing to do, Nick started stacking empty bottles on the counter in the shape of a pyramid.

Essence had managed to ‘convince’ her wolf companions to remain outside the city, which was not an easy feat by any means. She didn’t think cake would be a good bribe or if they would even understand, but nevertheless she promised it to them. Tala and Beo had managed to follow her every step of the way from the Nest to the desert and now to Blackpond. Ess had wanted them to remain in camp, but the wolves seemed uneasy and so she lost that small battle. She couldn’t refuse the company though on the long ride towards the city, her heart weighing heavy from her visit with Dastan. Ess may not have known the man or his people long or very well, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the party at the Nest just before the eclipse. She wanted to make sure to pay her respects and to make sure Dastan knew he had another friend in her, even if he felt he didn’t deserve it.

Instead of going right back to camp the following day, she felt she needed some more time away; preferably around a female. The Captain was almost never around lately, Deidra was still off doing Twins knew what, and Ess started to feel a bit whelmed with the majority of male friends she had. Not that she didn’t appreciate them, but she really needed a woman’s perspective on things and who better to understand her without even having to speak a word, than Crystal. So since she had never been to the tavern before and perhaps a small part of her hoped to run into Luckas there, she made it her sole mission to waste as much of her day as she could and procrastinating before she had to go back to camp.

Ess kept looking over her shoulder as she walked the streets of Blackpond, unconvinced that the wolves were behaving and staying to the woods. Still they were nowhere in sight when she reached the tavern and stepped inside. As per her habits, she was focusing her enlightenment to mirror a freckled skin teenager with chin length, brown hair, a small button nose and thin lips. She was dressed in black leggings, boots, sleeveless red shirt, and fully equipped to the teeth. Ali’s bow was strung over her back, the quiver of arrows at her right hip, while her left hip carried her relic blade. She simply smiled at the curious bottle tower that was being built, making her way towards the counter where she proceeded to unload several daggers across the bar top and carefully lean her bow along the counter’s edge beside her.

“Anything vintage on the shelf? Or maybe something sweet, handsome? Or am I interrupting your masterful puzzle you have going over there?”

Nicholas had climbed up in one of the bar stools and was placing the last bottle on the top of his tower when the door opened, breaking his concentration. The bottle slipped from the man’s hand and he managed to somehow catch it with his left foot and keep himself balanced on the stool. “Ta-da!” he exclaimed playfully, kicking the bottle up in the air and catching it in his hand as he jumped off from the stool. His gaze quickly observing the weapons laid over the counter and the girl who just entered. “We’re closed, love... You look to me a bit too young to be drinking anyways... If you’d like I could arrange for a glass of warm milk, however.” He offered with an amused smirk, placing the bottle gently on the counter and casually pulling a strand of dark red hair away from his green eyes. “Anything else I may be of help with, love?”

“Closed?” Ess purred, dropping a small pouch of coin next to a couple of her daggers. “Closed to paying customers? Since when?” She turned so that she was leaning one arm along the counter, crossing her legs in a dainty fashion so that her boot heel tapped the wooden wall of the counter. “Such an interesting world we live in, where a person may be old enough to fight in a war; old enough to take a life, but not old enough for alcohol.” Ess let her violet gaze casually drink in the man before her, her smile extending from ear to ear. She eased up on some of her focus, letting her dimples show through her facade as her eyes sparkled devilishly at her current companion. “Would it help if I looked a few years older?” Ess shook her hair playfully so that tiny red curls materialized and grew from her brown locs. When she was still once more, her skin was darker, aged as if from too much sun exposure and yet she still chose to keep the same adorable freckles one could almost connect into an image similar to the constellation of the stars. “Now...about that drink..”

Nick snorted a bit of a laugh. “Well, I don’t make the rules, sweetie, I just follow ‘em... Sort of.” He grinned, not seeming too fazed by Ess’ face changing right before his eyes. “I’m going to be very honest with you now, Miss Essence... For future reference if you’d like to not cause anyone trouble...” The man started while pouring Ess a drink, his eyes flashing slightly as the glass floated away from his hand in the woman’s direction. “If you hadn’t been carrying Ali’s handy work with you I would have pushed you out the door by now for not stating your business.” He nodded towards the bow. “And Twins forbid it ever became known to Jake Turner that I denied his sister a drink... I have a pretty face, I’d like to keep it that way” The man faked a frightful expression and chuckled. “I take it you’ve come for our fearless leader? I’m not sure when she’ll be back, but my instructions are that friends are welcome to wait.” Nicholas poured himself a drink and nodded politely. “Don’t think we’ve actually met though, have we? I’m Nick, the Innkeeper, at your service.” Nick emptied his glass and took a rather exaggerated bow.

Ess’ eyes brightened at the floating glass as it approached, happily gripping the drink and tossing it back. She took a moment to relish how the liquid seemed to satisfy and swell her thirst at the same time, before pushing the glass back over towards Nick for a refill. “I don’t state my business to those I don’t know, to be fair. For all I knew, you could have been a spy.” She snickered, letting a bit more of the mirage fade, giving way to more details of her true face. It was as if piece by piece, an extravagant puzzle was slowly coming together. “And I did tell you my business. Honestly, I just need a friendly face and since your leader is away, I suppose you will do until she returns. You do have pretty eyes.” Ess sighed, letting her fingers trail over her collarbone to find the leather tie to her necklace, her nails tracing the outline of the oak design. “Nick, is it? Can you make anything float?”

“Oh, but I am a spy. Whether or not I would spy on you, now that’s a different matter.” He smirked, refilling both glasses and returning Ess hers by the same methods as before. “I hear you’ve got your fill of stalkers by now however, so I’ll try to contain myself for you benefit. I’m a gentleman that way.”

When Ess questioned whether he could make anything float, Nick once again emptied his glass and then climbed onto the countertop, standing on the edge, arms spread as though he was standing at the edge of a cliff. The man closed his eyes and over-dramatically stepping forward, opening one and peeking around as though surprised at himself when he simply continued walking as though standing on an invisible bridge. With a calm shrug the man sat down, still floating in thin air. “Anything.” He answered simply.

Ess’ smile dwindled, thinking on how much Nick, who was rightly a stranger to her, knew about her. She stared at her floating glass a moment longer than intended before taking it in her hand, this time sipping her drink. “..I am still getting use to this..friends and family thing...but I don’t think I like the idea of people I don’t know, so familiar with particulars of my life.” Ess shrugged. “At this point, what’s one more stalker, really? My number one, black eyed friend though is quite the jealous type, so to not make trouble for you, I suggest not taking up that hobby.”

Essence looked up from her glass, absently swirling the liquid around in its tiny prison, her smile returning when Nick stood on the counter and proceeded to float in midair. Placing her glass down on the counter, she giggled, showing her appreciation by clapping at the display. “I’m a bit jealous, I think. You must be quite popular with the ladies, no? To literally sweep some sweet girl off her feet; to float away in someone’s arms, safe from the world…” She rested her elbow on the counter, her fingers twirling and tugging at her loose curls as they further unraveled across her shoulders, letting her mirage disappear completely. “I bet you’re quite ‘light on your feet’ when dancing, no?” Ess snorted at her subtle joke, her attention falling back on her drink.

Nicholas chuckled, slowly descending onto the ground and staring up at Essence with a sweet smile. “Oh, don’t worry now, I’m very discreet. It is a part of my job to know things about people however. I’m sure you realize Crys wouldn’t waste a talented guy such as myself on simple bartending duties. She’s a smart lady like that.” The man winked playfully. “Oh I’m aware of your favorite stalker, Miss. Are you very possessive of him, though? I won’t lie he’s quite adorable, especially when he gets that confused puppy look in his eyes.” Nick snorted in slight amusement at his own words. Nicholas stood up and poured himself another drink. “I am quite an exquisite dancer, that’s true. Perhaps I’ll attend your next birthday party and you’ll see for yourself, hm?”

“I trust..Crystal, so I guess that will have to satisfy my concerns.” She stated simply with a shrug, finishing off her drink and holding out her glass towards Nick for a refill. “How much are you aware of my stalker?” Ess cleared her throat, uncrossing and recrossing her legs to adjust her comfort. Her eyes flashed suddenly when Nick commented on how adorable Luckas was, her gaze trailing calmly around the Inn as if she were more interested in the decorating than the conversation. “I suppose I am just as possessive of him as he is of me, to be fair.” She squinted her eyes as if glaring at something in particular before returning her sweet smile towards Nick. “The puppy look gets frustrating after a while; trust me. You won’t have to wait another year for a birthday party, if there is one that is. See, my birthday is actually in the Winter time, at some point. Jakey and I just have a tradition of sorts, I guess, to celebrate our birthdays at the same time. Next party then, you’ll save me a dance?”

Nick chuckled, shaking his head as though slightly disappointed at Ess’ statement that she was just as possessive of Luckas. “All the good ones are taken, I swear...” He playfully complained. “How aware? Well, he visits. So we’ve met. Aside from that, Jake asked me to keep him under watch around Crys, as a favor, and told me he was a rather clingy friend of yours. I just... Sensed his tone... Mostly. He didn’t give me any particulars.” The man shrugged dismissively. “He’s not caused any form of trouble and is eventually fun to converse with. Crys seems to find his visits amusing. So I see no issue with letting him hang around here.” Smiling and bowing slightly Nick adopted a rather solemn tone as he promised. “I will save you my first dance of the evening, Milady. I give you my word as a gentleman.”

“Aw, now I’m sure I could introduce you to some charming and handsome bachelors. Not ALL the good ones are taken, but sometimes it does seem like that.” Ess snickered, winking at Nick. “Probably why I’m attracted to the bad ones.” She seemed to relax when Nick briefly mentioned what he exactly knew about Luckas, nodding along slowly with his words. “Lovely!” Ess giggled, standing to reach for the bottle and pour herself a drink. “My son is an excellent dancer, but a girl can use a change of scenery. I don’t think dancing is much of Luckas’ cup of tea; or perhaps it was the crowd thing. You know, I didn’t even get to dance with my own brother.” Ess shook her head in an over exaggerated expression of disbelief. Pausing in refilling her glass she stared at Nick a moment, an amusing memory coming back to her as she backtracked on the conversation a bit. “You know, I always wanted to fly or ‘float’ and Jakey knows that, and well funny thing, one day while we were sparring he went all invisible on me. I’m getting better at finding him, but still need to work on it. Anyways, I heard him trip over something, who knows what, and leap at him, apparently clinging to his back so to the onlooker it looked like I was floating.” Ess laughed, sipping her drink. “You know, it also looked like I was being bucked off an invisible horse too. Anyways, I will hold you to your promise Nick. And please, you can call me Ess.”

“Tsk, tsk, those boys... You say neither asked you for a dance? Well, I’m going to give them a talking to when I see them again.” Nick nodded at his own words. “I got your back, sister.” Nicholas winked playfully as he poured himself another drink. “Heh, Jakey... Jakey... Did he ever tell you ‘bout the time, a couple of years into his training, Sean dared him to make the wall he was leaning against turn invisible? The wall was to a girl’s bedroom... She was changing her clothes... So she screamed and called Jake a pervert for the entire camp to hear. Took months for people to forget it. He was furious with Sean.” The man snorted a laugh. “Dani sat him down to talk about girls and boundaries, he said it was the most embarrassing moment in his life.”

Going silent for a moment Nick examined Ess with his eyes as if very literally weighing her. “You’d like to float, Ess? That can be arranged.” He offered.

“Aw, now don’t be too hard on Luckas. I think he was in poor spirits that day and didn’t seem to know about the party. I bet Jake ’Forgot’ to tell him about it. He really does dislike Luckas.” She snorted, some of her drink coming back out her nose as she laughed at Nick’s story of Jake. “Noooo...What? He never told me that, but I can see why. I didn’t know Jakey could do that..hmm.” Ess coughed through a breath and refilled her glass once again, drinking half of its contents down. “I would have been furious too if I was Jake. Poor Jakey. He grew up with girls as a strong influence so I’m sure that whole thing bothered him. So, I take it you’ve known Jake for a little while then?” Ess smiled nodding towards Nick’s offer to make her float, her cheeks flushing slightly from embarrassment. “Well, how bout we save that for the dance, hmm? You and I Nick, I bet we could make some jaws drop.”

Giggling into her glass, her voice echoed , the sound of her laugh coming off darker than it was meant to. “But Jakey..he’s always wanted to do the right thing, you know? First day I met him, he must have been about seven years old and me? Gosh, I must have been thirteen or fourteen and he witnessed something terrible happen to me. Even then, he tried to save me even before he knew me.” Ess’ smile faded, her tone a bit nostalgic as she withheld her amusement with the change of subject. “He could have been killed, but that was a day I remember that changed a lot for me.”

Nick shook his head laughing. “Poor Jakey. Think he was probably already interested in Crys back then, must’ve not been a comfortable situation, getting ‘the talk’ from her mom.” The man sighed softly, still chuckling, but at the same time seeming slightly saddened by the memory. “I’ve known Jake a while yes... We were the outlanders in camp at that time, me and my brother Justin arrived about a year and a half after Jake into the Pack, and Ali a little while after that. All other recruits had been born into the clan at that time. We didn’t exactly hang around the same people back then though; oddly I only got to know the two of them better after the exile. Well, actually, Ali and Justin were friends, but Justin and I were not getting along at the time and then he... Died...” The man paused scratching the back of his head and laughing awkwardly. “I’m sorry, that took a bit of a depressing turn, didn’t it?”

“I know what it is to lose family.” Ess nodded, giving Nick a playful shove against his shoulder. “Hey, no apologies necessary. It was probably my fault anyways from bringing up death and stuff. Besides, us redheads are a bit erratic when it comes to emotions sometimes and we need to stick together.” She smiled softly, turning the conversation some in a different direction. “Nick, how have you been feeling? I mean, you know...the sickness and all. Do you get nightmares or sleepwalk? I keep getting told to go visit the healers, but honestly, what are they going to do? No one seems to know what is going on, so just seems like a waste of their time. Probably why I haven’t gone.” Ess turned her glass upside down, hanging it over her head as she turned her face upwards, mouth open to let the last droplets of the liquor fall onto her tongue.

Nick smiled appreciatively at Ess for her support, letting the subject rest there. The man leaned against the counter, wincing as the gesture caused the bottle tower to sway. It didn’t fall, thankfully, so he seemed to immediately forget about it. “I haven’t felt anything yet. Doesn’t seem to matter though... One of the healer boys died a couple of months back without presenting any symptoms, he just... Had a fit and...” Nick stopped himself and chuckled. “Damn it, here comes the death and stuff again.” The man snorted slightly as if mentally scolding himself, but then shrugged. “I think they’re asking people to go more to collect as much information on those afflicted as possible. Main reason why they can’t figure it out is that it acts so differently from individual to individual... They’ve been doing their best to alleviate symptoms as well... Maybe give some people a release from pain or a restful night’s sleep here and there... Hasn’t helped Jake much though for what I hear...”

“Lady Death is not to be ignored so probably why she always has a knack for coming up in conversation, hmm?” Ess sighed, nodding along to Nick’s telling of the healer’s sudden death, Darren having been the one who had relayed that story to her. She went over the idea again in her mind that maybe it was sort of an obligation of hers to indeed visit the Healers, if even just to give them some feedback on what she was experiencing. No one could really make her sit there and be poked or prodded in an examination unless she trusted the person enough to endure it. Forcing a smile she leaned in close towards Nick as if to make sure no one else heard her, even though they were still indeed alone in the Inn. “..Maybe I’ll go, if not just to visit Annie at the very least, I mean she is kind of family. Maybe if there were some adorable Healers to stare at I wouldn’t feel so awkward. Are there any sweets gentle enough of the eyes?” Her last words were more teasing, trying to mask the uneasiness the visit did stir inside her. Ess reached for her necklace at the mention of Jacob, all amusement fading, shifting her gaze back towards her empty glass. “..It’s taking a toll on my brother and he just keeps piling more responsibility onto his plate and..I just hope...I’m not the reason if or when…” She cleared her throat, a dry almost manic chuckle escaping her as it was apparently her turn to bring up death again. “Stubborn bitch..” She whispered, shaking her head. “For the most part, I tend to sleep better when a certain someone visits. I just don’t wake up to EVERY noise or seem to have as many nightmares as compared to when I am alone. Funny…”

Nicholas nodded at Ess’ comment about Jake as if disagreeing, but didn’t say anything about it, and focused on her question about healers “Ooh, you’d want Alistair. He’s a piece of eye candy that man. A bit grouchy as of late, and it’s probably a bad idea to ask to see his scars, but he is a good looking man. Mhm.” Nick smiled reassuringly. “Annie would probably want to see you herself though, you being family and all. I’m sure you’ll get along... It’s nearly impossible to not like that kid.”

Nick pretty much stumbled into a bar stool, somehow managing to remain seated and not fall over, the bottles that were piled on top of the counter however tumbled over and crashed behind the counter causing the man to wince and then fall into a fit of giggles. “Crap. Crys won’t like that very much.” He chuckled. “Where is she? She’s been out for hours... Said she was gonna pay someone a visit... Hope she’s not getting into trouble somewhere.” The man shook his head, going behind the counter to pick up the broken glass. “It’s natural to sleep better when there’s someone you trust around to check under your bed for monsters.” He stated casually.

“Alistair, hmm?” Ess waggled her eyebrows and chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind. Why on earth would someone ask to see another’s scars? That is a bit rude, no? If someone did that to me, I’d probably show them, by displaying fresh ones on the one inquiring.” She smiled innocently, the color in her eyes strobing in bright shades of violet before falling dark once again. When Nick stumbled, Ess automatically reached outwards, as if she were going to steady the man, her eyes widening as the bottles came down with a crash. “Are you always this graceful? Should I be worried about letting you lead when we dance?” Ess stretched herself over the counter, lazily rolling over and off to the other side to grab a broom she caught out of the corner of her eye, quietly trying to help Nick clean up his mess. “You can always say it was my fault for the bottles.” She played, giving Nick a wink, her smile only widening. “Did Crys have Kaya with her? If so, Tala and Beo may have found her. Just a thought because I left them outside the city. I’m not very discreet with two wolves following me everywhere. Beo doesn’t seem to get how to be inconspicuous yet, or maybe he just doesn’t care. I forgot to ask him.”

Nicholas smiled in silent appreciation when Ess started to help clean up the mess of broken bottles, shaking his head at her offer to take the blame for it. “No, I couldn’t say that. It was my mistake after all. I’m not allowed to play with bottles.” Nick smiled, and amused expression crossing his features. “Crys took Kaya to Blackwell yesterday... You should have seen the commotion in that man’s workshop, I thought he was going to explode. Today though she sent her off with the recruits to train. She’s really good at keeping them in line. It’s almost the same as if Crys was there herself.” He arched an eyebrow. “Why is it offensive to want to see a person’s scars? I’d show you mine if you want.” He offered, giving Ess a playful wink. “I was clearly not being serious, there was no reason to overreact over a silly joke. People need to lighten up, is what I think.”

Nick moved to pick up a bucket and drop the glass shards into it. “I get it that I probably touched a nerve. In the end though, we’ve all gone through some horrible shit in our pasts, I don’t carry my anger around to throw it at people when they push my buttons; trust me, I could. I don’t take kindly of others when they do it to me.”

At this point the door opened and Crys entered, stopping as soon as she crossed the doorway and frowning severely. “Were you making a bottle tower again, Nicholas?”

“I’m cleaning it up.” Nick sighed.

“It’s the third time you’ve done this.” She scolded. “You’re obviously terrible at it, and you’re breaking all my bottles.”

“Take ‘em off my pay.... Boss.” Nick smirked.

“Don’t push your luck, mister.” Crys snorted, moving to sit in one of the bar stools and smiling. “Ess, how fortunate to find you here. Have you been waiting long?”

Ess snorted, trying to imagine what kind of commotion Kaya caused when visiting Blackwell, a small ping of anxiety swelling inside her as she began to miss her own furry companions. She swept some shards of glass into a small pile and carefully picked them up to put them in the bucket. “How can you not find it rude to ask something so personal of a question, as to an origin to their scars?” Ess glanced at Nick a bit surprised, but shrugged. “You seem like a pretty nice guy Nick but perhaps I am just not a very nice woman. I don’t try to mask that I’m sensitive, but then again, I didn’t kill Luckas when he asked me about this..” Ess smiled, pointing to the dark scar at her left cheek. “So I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t unleash my demons on you either. Maybe it’s the manner in which someone asks then. Scars can be sexy, so maybe I take it close to heart just as I would with unwanted advances.”

Essence held her smile even after Crys entered, shaking her head at her scolding to Nick and his bottle tower. “His tower was actually pretty darn adorable.” She giggled, dropping a few more shards into the bucket before hopping over the counter and seating herself next to Crys. Snaking one arm through Cry’s arm, she gave the woman a half hug before releasing her hold. “Fortunate how? And no, I haven’t been waiting too long, I don’t think. Nick has been pleasant company, helping to pass the time. He is a redhead after all. I bet he could be part of the club, except you know, he’s a boy.” She winked over at Nick playfully, returning her attention to Crys. “I just came from paying Dastan a visit and I guess there are some new ‘wrinkles’ that have come to light, that I feel I need to discuss with someone who isn’t my crazy stalker or crazy brother. But, where are my manners.. How have you been doing these past couple days?”

“I wasn’t legitimately asking, but even if I was... Could always just not answer or say no. If someone wants to get offended fine, but that’s not really my fault for trying to be playful. I guess I’d just rather be judged by my intentions rather than my unfortunate choices.” Nicholas shrugged, picking the last of the bottle shards and dropping them onto the bucket. “Want a drink, Boss?”

“No, I’m good, Nick... And don’t call me that; I won’t warn you a third time.” She scolded. “And perhaps you should make less unfortunate choices so people wouldn’t judge you so harshly, just a thought.”

Nicholas laughed softly. “Fair enough. I suppose I am responsible for my unfortunate choices after all.” He gave Ess an exaggerated bow. “Lady Essence...” He snorted a laugh. “I’ll leave you two to talk. It’s about nap time anyway, I’ve got a long night ahead of me.”

“Have a good sleep Nick.” Crys smiled at the man as he awkwardly stumbled up the stairs. She turned to face Essence, chuckling as the man audibly tripped over his own feet and cursed quite loudly. “Poor boy, he shouldn’t be drinking right now. He’s been up for two days straight. I’ll probably have someone else take over the bar tonight.” Crys paused as if to make sure Nick hadn’t hurt himself before speaking further. “I just came back from that Sam woman’s house. We had an interesting chat. I thought you’d be interested.”

Ess chuckled at Nick as he took his leave, smiling over at Crys. “I like him. He makes me smile. To be fair, I may have indirectly encouraged the drinking. I think we finished off an entire bottle.” Ess tried to mask a small hiccup, her fingers trailing over her daggers that were still placed in a somewhat orderly fashion along the bar counter. She slightly tensed, keeping her smile and light hearted tone when Crystal mentioned having a chat with Sam, the idea actually quite surprising to her. Internally she cringed at the name, her cheeks flushing a deep red as her eyes narrowed. “I take it you had a chat with Jacob? What did Sam have to say? I mean was it the kind of chat you had with Sheila?” Ess laughed, the tone dry and filled with a certain sense of hopeful irony.

Crys laughed in amusement. “No, not quite like Sheila. We had tea and biscuits... and quite an unexpectedly civilized conversation. She avoided questions about her ‘associates’ and their businesses, but when I questioned her about child slavery she mentioned Asher as an associate of an associate. She advised me to ask Darren about his whereabouts. If they are, and I suspect they may be, keeping tabs on Asher’s associates you may want to let Darren know. She didn’t say it but she doesn’t sound pleased with the man at all. She said she would gladly hand him over to me and she meant it.” Crys ran her fingers through her hair and frowned slightly. “There was one more thing that caught my attention. She told me a story that she claimed is the only she has of her mother, the... Story mentioned dragons traveling far from home to lay their eggs... Your father’s story mentioned a dragon egg, didn’t it?”

Ess sat in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time, as she went over her conversation with Luckas the night of her birthday party. There were relevant bits of knowledge that she felt she needed to share with Crystal but she was honestly afraid of it coming off as betrayal of sorts, at the same time; not to mention how this would look if Jacob heard it. Finally she leaned in, lowering her voice to almost a whisper, even though they were clearly alone in the room. “I need to invoke a Sister-Sister confidentiality where Luckas is concerned, granted there is plenty I’m not revealing but..” Ess let out a long sigh.

“Jake told you about Sam and I’s conversation, correct? That night, after I left you and Jakey, I had a long conversation with Luckas. Some things I was told in confidence and I can’t break that trust...however, there are some things that should be discussed. I read Asher’s journal and there are specific mentions of his ‘associate’ that has ties to his business and the fire at my village and my abduction; they are described in terms of a dragon. The symbol, Ali opened our eyes to, of the sword and eye, is in that journal.” Ess hesitated a moment, dwelling on what she should say and which she should keep private before continuing. “Sam said to me, basically that she had Luckas’ memories erased and so I asked Luckas about it. He said, that Sam explained it as a precaution to protect him from her father, who is no longer alive. Something happened to Luckas, it’s not clear exactly, but he said Sam’s father was working to sell him and his brother as weapons to NewHaven at one point when they were just children. I..don’t get that because they were just children, right? How could they be weapons? Apparently that idea failed and he was going to have Luckas and his brother killed, which obviously was evaded. Which brings me to the rumors and things I read in Asher’s journal. I think Asher worked with Sam’s father when he was alive. There are clues linking that idea, so it is possible. Asher clearly didn’t like the person mentioned who took over when his associate ‘passed”...maybe if it is Sam, they were not seeing eye to eye on business.” She shrugged. “I don’t believe for one second though she would just hand Asher over, at least alive.”

Ess ruffled up her loose curls that tickled her forehead and groaned. “When I was in the city before, when I killed Ian, I was in a place where Luckas was approached by a dark skinned man and I caught his name as Zeke, but Luckas was in a rush to get me out of there and soon after met up with me. He didn’t want to answer questions except enlightened were not welcome in that establishment and that he was leading people to believe he was someone else. All of this really seems strange and may not look good, which is why I would appreciate your discretion on certain details with Jacob, until more facts arise.” Ess let out another long sigh, her breath shaky as if she was feeling nervous, tiny beads of sweat appearing at her brow. She bit through her anxiety, refocusing back on Asher once again, but in all truth to the matter, the idea of the man twisted her stomach even more.

“I really find it amusing that Sam wants to give up Asher when she just reminds me of him so much. It is in their mannerisms and how they both seem...territorial about certain things or people. Maybe that’s part of the issue. Maybe, because what he is involved in is no longer a secret, she wants him disposed of. Maybe Sam is involved or maybe she isn’t. Either way it’s bad for her to have it out in the air of her association with him. Matthew is the only other person I’ve told so far what I basically told you, except I left Luckas out of it. Matt says we are getting information daily now on this whole thing but won’t say more yet, just that we will be acting on it soon and to be ready.”

Essence stared at Crystal a moment, thinking back on her dad and the story of the dragon egg, a look of confusion in her tone. “What do you think the stories mean? Do you think they are related? Coincidence that Asher speaks of this associate of his as a dragon?”

Crys opened a reassuring smile, nodding in agreement to Ess’ request for confidentiality. There was no reason why she wouldn’t keep this between them. “I talked to Jacob about the talk you two had, well, some of it at least. When Aiden brought me the wolf armor designs I asked him about Sam’s visit. I also talked to Mageria about it a while back.” She rested her arms over the counter and snickered somewhat bitterly. “The woman’s dragon story, she said she believes it meant she would find her way home one day; to her mother. In that context the dragons would represent her family. It corroborates the idea that the Dragon in Asher’s journal is her father. Sam doesn’t implicate herself in anything, but she doesn’t hide her involvement either; that worries me a little because the woman is smart, undoubtedly. If she’s not hiding this... It makes me wonder what she is in fact hiding.”

Crys rubbed her temples slowly as she paused, giving herself a moment to think. “Ali first spotted that symbol, of the sword and the eye, branded onto the skin of the man who tried to kill her when the Wolves attacked the Crimson Shadows; an attack that Sean stated over and over that he didn’t authorize. He was in Newhaven and his Second was away at the time. I believed him even if no one else did, because Sean would have never given an order like that and wandered off to do something else; he wasn’t that trusting. The woman left in charge, who gave the order on Sean’s behalf, disappeared without a trace.... Now this... The eclipse, what happened to the Crimson... To Dastan. It’s the second attack directed at the Crimson Shadows to happen in such strange circumstances. The first time it was Dastan’s arrival that ended the fight, this time he was incapacitated. According to Annie it would take someone extremely powerful to do all that killing using shadow manipulation, something beyond what Dastan would ever be capable of. And Sam kept talking to me about the greater scheme of things and how we’re all insignificant... If all of this is insignificant to her... What are we missing?”

Ess nodded along as Crys spoke, “What is the connection?” She groaned, palming one of her tiny daggers before twirling it between her fingers as she contemplated an answer to her own question.”Think about it. Two attacks on the Crimson and for what? Who is so adamant on wiping them out and why? What does someone gain from this? Territory doesn’t seem like a likely choice there, but then reasons for war don’t always make sense. There’s greed, power, or to diminish the opponent’s strength and allies.” Ess cocked her head slightly, glancing from her dagger to Crys and back. “Do we know if someone was responsible for Sean?” Ess sighed, tapping her nails along the blade of her throwing dagger. “Do you think any of it is connected; the attacks and the sickness? I feel like all of Valcrest is being picked apart, piece by piece. I just can’t...Hm, if Sam is involved in any way and, like you said; she states we are all ‘insignificant’, then what would be the greater goal? To keep with this theme, if individually we are unimportant, then together..what would be significant?” Ess trailed off, mumbling ideas to herself, unsure of where voicing her thoughts would lead her, but she didn’t feel anxious or stressed when she did so around Crys and it was a bit of a relief to not feel insane around someone when she rambled.

“The Wolfpack doesn’t want to look into Sean’s death too much. They’re afraid of what they’ll find, is what I think. A lot of people wanted Sean dead, but the circumstances... What’s on everyone’s minds; the ones who saw the state he was in, is that he did it himself.” Crys gave a slight shrug of her shoulder, an unenthusiastic laugh escaping her lips. “I’d like to be able to say, with certainty, that it isn’t the case, but I’m not sure. Katelyn was very important to Sean and her death... We all knew that it would be the easiest way to destroy him. We just wouldn’t go that far. Maybe I shouldn’t have given him that much time alone with his thoughts... I could have just ended this. It could have been better that way.” She shook her head, an amused smile crossing her expression. “Look at me grieving for that guy I wanted dead... Then I complain when people call me soft.” She snickered. After a few moments Crys let her smile fade and went into thought. Things didn’t quite make sense to her yet, but there was definitely something on the horizon. “I don’t know what anyone would want with the Crimson, or hold against them, but... We’ll find out. One way or another. This won’t go unpunished.”

After another moment of silence Crys heaved a sigh and changed the subject entirely, wanting to distract herself from the sense of impending doom, even if for a moment. “Did Nick tell you I took Kaya to see Blackwell? She did a number on his shop, but he was interested enough on Aiden’s designs to not be completely furious with me. I have a feeling he’ll make something good for the wolves. I also talked to him about some armor for Shadow, I assume you’d be interested in something for Shockwave as well, right?”

Ess’ mind was temporarily overrun with ideas, theories, and speculations; however that was the problem: They were only ‘what ifs’ She didn’t have to voice aloud what she was thinking, if in fact Sam’s family was the referenced Dragon in Asher’s journal and what that could mean and how far their involvement would be. Perhaps the same people that were responsible for the Crimson were responsible for the burnings, but again, without proof it was just a theory.

Shaking a few curls over her eyes, Essence pushed those thoughts aside, listening to Crys talk about Sean. The woman really had little opinion of the man, granted she didn’t like many of the things she had heard he had done to those she cared about, but she couldn’t hate the man. To be truthful, she had little personal reason to. “I think it shows great character to understand an enemy and sympathize while not losing sight in one’s own beliefs. I think that is a necessary quality for a leader to have, no?” Ess smiled over at Crys, “My only experience around the man was at the ball and my impression was a good one, in my personal experience because anyone who disliked Ebony even for a fraction of a second, I had to hold a certain amount of respect for. Not to mention the woman tried to take a hit out on me, which failed miserably.”

Ess laughed, quirking a brow when Crys mentioned Kaya, nodding along to her words. “Turned the shop upside down, did she? Reminds me of the first time Stalker went to the baker’s shop.” Her shoulders bounced in a small giggle fit, the thought reminding her she had to stop by there for the much promised cake for her furry companions. “Glad that didn’t..disway Blackwell. So, the wolves and our horses will be badass looking and I have yet to acquire any armor for myself. Oh, the irony. I am not too fond of what was lying around in camp, maybe leather is just more my type especially if I’m going to be playing with fire because I don’t want to feel..restricted.” Ess playfully elbowed Cry’s in the arm. “What could be scarier than two redheads adorned in armor, riding their ‘war horses’ into battle with their scaled wolf companions by their side? Jake will be jealous.”

“Aw, Jakey can always ride in the back with me, Shadow wouldn’t mind... He’ll be scary by association.” Crys played, laughing at the thought of what Jake would say if he had heard her. “Yeah I use leather armor when I do... Less restricting... Silent also... And it will save you in most situations. It’s just generally better for us sneaky types... I honestly never understood how Mageria manages to move so swiftly with all that metal on her. Jake said he didn’t mind re-joining the knights but he’s never going to wear that armor again. Although I suppose he’d have sentimental reasons to not want it anymore; besides it being heavy.” Crys snorted as if trying but failing to force a laugh. “You know, I’m really glad you two found each other. He’s been a lot happier these past months, hasn’t thrown himself in any dungeon cells or gotten involved in any other type of suicidal plans; always a good sign. Despite what happened at the party he really is doing a lot better now than he has in years. I hope you do realize that has a lot to do with you. Family makes all the difference when one is feeling lost.”

The way Crystal described the change in Jacob over the past couple months, brought back subtle memories of Jess from long ago. Ess wasn’t sure if it was Crys’ words per se or her tone, but she couldn’t help but think of Jessica. Silence lingered on for a moment, Ess’ hand trembling a bit so that she lost her grip on her throwing knife, letting it thud upon the counter top. A sad smile parted her lips, Ess finally nodding to Cry’s words. “I appreciate you saying that because I do feel a sense of strength that I thought I had lost since he appeared back in my life. I was so afraid and so sure he would hate me or find me such a disappointment or even worse; be disgusted, but Jess was right. She told me long ago that the way he sees me would never change, even when he was old enough to understand what I was involved in and the type of person I was because she said, ‘..Love doesn’t work that way..’ And now, I think he wants to keep that promise he made to me so long ago, about protecting me.”

Ess tugged at a loose curl, pulling it out straight and releasing it to watch it bounce. She repeated the act over and over again as she thought, her smile widening. “Jake was the first person to look at me and see me for who I was; for who I am. I do love him like family, but it’s always been stronger than that for me. How do I explain…” Ess’ eyes darted around the room as if searching for a clue on how to explain what she felt, her gaze darting back to Crys the moment she reached a conclusion. “Finding Jake again, was like finding a piece of my soul that I thought had been destroyed forever. I’ve..only felt like that a few times in my life. Finding Darren was another time I felt that way.” Ess purposely moved on from that aspect of the conversation, picking up her blade once again to twirl and attempt to balance it on it’s point upon the bar top. “I wouldn’t be alive, I don’t think, if Jakey hadn’t come into my life. His presence always felt right as if he had always been there and so I use that as a comparison when it comes to trusting certain men.”

“Hm...” Crys snickered, pouring herself a drink. “I see the hero complex started early.” She mumbled, her tone only half amused. Crys sighed, her talk with Sam still lingering somewhere in the back of her mind. “I’ll tell you a secret, Ess. Well, it’s not that much of a secret, rather something I won’t admit to anyone else again if I can help it... All this time I’ve been angry, I wasn’t entirely angry at Jake. Well, I was a little angry at Jake; he is infuriating as you know, but for the most part I was angry at myself. Otherwise I would have hunted his ass down at some point in the past three years. I didn’t, because I started to ask myself how good we really are for each other and, as it turns out, that was a much more complicated question than I expected it to be. After all, love isn’t a choice, love is absolute, you can’t just decide to shut it down and walk away, but a relationship between two people is a series of little choices. Choices they have to make every day, commit to, and live with. When I looked back on our relationship what I saw was that all the things that systematically broke him down in the past five years happened as a result of my choices. I could tell myself I didn’t know, but I did. Jake was better off in Newhaven, he was happier as a hired sword than as an assassin; working for himself... And the only reason he ever came back to the Wolfpack was because I called. I knew that was all l’d ever have to do to make him walk away from everything he built...” Crys emptied her glass and grimaced at the burning liquid. “Because I needed someone to hold my hand. It seems like such a stupid reason now.”

Crys refilled her glass, but refrained from drinking any more right away. “I wasn’t angry because I blamed myself for the past either; what would be the point of that? No. I was angry because if I was completely honest with myself I’d have to admit that, maybe, together we’re incapable of making better choices. I had to admit that... That particular relationship... Needed to end.” She smiled, finally emptying her glass a second time and pushing it away. “And that... That is why when Sheila made it a point of throwing that fact in my face I reacted by trying to break hers... And then stabbing her in the hand. Not my proudest moment, but I can’t quite say I’d take it back.”

“Pfft, well from what I saw, Sheila needed a good stabbing.” Ess chuckled, slowly shaking her head. “It was intimidating though. Even I made a comment to Luckas saying as such. However, no relationship is easy. I think everyone that isn’t out to destroy the person they love, thinks about it. It’s the struggle that makes it all worth it. I had asked Jake If I was..to Luckas and he said probably and that he deserved it.” Ess snorted. “When is love enough.? It’s like…” Ess let out a long sigh and reached for the bottle Crys was using to refill her glass, topped her off and filled one of her own. She swirled the liquid around the glass, nodding along to her own thoughts. “We blame ourselves because we need something or someone to blame; right or wrong. Knowing is only half the battle, right? It always makes more sense in our heads...it isn’t until we say it outloud do things start to become clearer. I swear..the men in our lives are like puppies because they always find their way back. People make jokes about how men will never understand women and it’s funny for me to think about especially with Luckas in my head, you would think he’d have all the secrets; even if trusting him turns out to be a disaster.” Essence smiled, draining her glass dry and playfully clanging it against Crys empty glass.

-------------------

Ess’ visit had left Crys with a lot to consider. Not just about Sam and what she might be up to, but also things pertaining to past conversations they’d had. The recruits were still out in the woods with Kaya, Nick had gone to sleep, and the Inn was dead silent. Crys retreated to her room, thinking of maybe sleeping a bit herself seeing as she had been struggling with it at night, but she found herself sitting back on her bed with her flute in her hands. She put the instrument to her lips and began to play a familiar melody, her index finger briefly touching the little wolf figurine that sat atop the flute, the gesture bringing a smile to her lips.

[5 months ago]

“The most important things a person can say will always be the ones left unsaid, because there are not enough words to translate what goes on inside the human soul. The complexity of human emotion is not something simple words can capture. A person’s soul, and heart, will not be found in their words... It will be found in their silences, in those little unconscious gestures that seem so insignificant, yet reveal so much to those willing to pay attention. Life... You will find... Is in the details.”

The night was cool and pleasantly so, with only a slight, soft, breeze that seem to exist for the sole purpose of carrying on the soft melody of a wooden flute. As usual, Crys wasn’t all too sure of where the music came from, except that it came from a place deep inside herself, a place too complex for words... It wasn’t a sad melody she played, it was only soft... Soothing... And somewhat hopeful in its essence. It was peaceful, but it didn’t bring the usual feeling of peace, it was peace with something more meaningful behind it, like the silences her father used to speak of. The memories were welcome, and comforting, and that was something she hadn’t felt in a long time, not while looking back at what was past. Stretching her legs where she sat by a small fire pit she smiled quietly, interrupting the music and lowering the flute... Letting all sound fade to a comfortable silence.

It fell quiet, earlier than usual; Tala nestled with her pups, safe within the kennel across from the oak. A heavy weight still pressed upon Ess’ heart as she stared upon the fresh plot beneath the tree, a few blue buds beginning to spring forth in a silent beauty. She didn’t want to think of it, so she shut her eyes to absorb the sweet quiet except for the soft snores of the wolves. One, as always, did not wish to stay silent while the rest slumbered and almost on cue, Ess was prodded by a small cold nose. Opening one eye she grinned bending down to pick up the snow white pup. “Can’t sleep again, hmm?” Ess whispered, pressing a firm kiss upon the wolf’s head. Picking up a tiny comb by her side, Ess began brushing the pup’s fur so that she resembled a white, puffy cloud. The pup cocked its head and yipped curiously, bringing Ess to a stop, straining to listen for what could have procured the wolf’s attention. A gentle breeze came in, carrying a lulled tune on its back. The pup turned to look at Ess before hopping away from her, standing beside the fire light; arching its head back she began to howl. Giggling at the sheer cuteness of the pup, brought Ess to her feet to wander away from the fire and through the shadows.

As the sound grew louder, Ess turned to wave the cub onward to follow her, a low whistle following which sent the pup on it’s heels in a clumsy pounce into the direction of the soothing music. So familiar it was that she began humming it, not realizing that she knew the next few notes before they were even played. The music seemed to die down the moment Ess and Tala’s pup reached another boundary of light. With a sigh, she waited to see if Crys would continue, remaining silent as to not interrupt her moment.

Crys had stopped playing as she felt she wasn’t alone, not because the presence of another person was disturbing to her, but simply because she wanted to give her company the space to come closer and not feel intrusive. Sighing softly she leaned back, resting her back against a boulder she had padded with a folded cloak, her fingers quietly tracing the markings along the surface of the wooden instrument an appreciative smile crossing her features at the insane amount of thought and work that had gone into the object. Before she knew it more than a couple of moments had passed in silence and she once again brought the flute to her lips and continued playing, a few random notes echoing amongst the trees and slowly changing into another soft melody.

Stepping into the ring of light, Ess bent down to pick up the pup, ruffling up it’s fur to keep it silent. Gradually she knelt across from Crys, besides the fire, an insightive smile spreading from ear to ear as she stared in a timid awe when the melody changed to something she most definitely recognized. Her lips formed a childish pout in her confusion, not understanding how Crys knew the song. It was the very same Ess’ father had sang to her when she was a child; the very same she was told, was passed down from family only. Running a few fingers through her curls she choked back a giggle, shaking her head, mouthing in silence her response. ‘Jake...’ Lightly tapping the wolf on the nose, Ess bravely let her voice sneak it’s way into the breeze that seemed to surround them. The calming tone and subdued grace that resonated in synch with the flute sent chills down her arms, gradually rising in pitch to form into words.

"There’s a little bird...
Somebody sent...down to the Earth to live on the wind...
Blowing on the wind...and she sleeps on the wind...
This little bird, somebody sent..."

Ess inhaled, a gentle pause before she moved to the next verse. The pup sat in her lap, wiggling to escape, which proved futile against Ess’ fingertips. A sudden amused expression crossed her features as the wolf tilted her head back, releasing a low howl that coincidentally added a bit of harmony to the song.

Crys was caught a bit off guard when Ess’ voice joined the sound of the flute; the words of the song unknown to her until that particular moment in time. Curiosity and amusement brought a spark of light to the woman’s eyes as she continued to play without a flinch, despite the feeling of surprise and childish delight that had worked their way past her moment of silent contemplation. As the song ended and slowly faded to silence, the silence didn’t last for long as Crys released a small wave of laughter; her tone amused and cheerful as she spoke. “I’m impressed... You found a way to sneak up on me!” She played, sitting up straight and letting the flute rest by her side on top of its leather casing. “You really sing well, Ess... And your little friend too.” She chuckled at the wolf pup. “I’m curious though. Never knew the words to this song, actually... Never knew there were any. It is a... Personal favorite though.”

The pup wiggled out from Ess’ grasp, bouncing and stumbling forward towards Crystal, pausing inches away from her to stare curiously at the flute at her side. Essence smiled, her cheeks flushing to a light pink at the compliment. “...Well I don’t sing around just anyone..and honestly it was you and the music that snuck up on me. I...love the adaptation you’ve given it with that flute...I think..it truly brings out a certain..” Ess paused, quirking a brow in thought..”Oh, what’s the word...release..” She nodded as if satisfied with the term. “...I honestly didn’t expect anyone to know the song but I assume you heard it from Jake? I know he knows the words.” The woman chuckled, crossing her legs out before her and leaning back against her palms for support. “One of many family treasures I keep buried inside my soul. Jake was the first I shared it with. It’s fitting you should know it too, I think.”

“Fitting indeed...” Crys replied in a near-whisper. “I shouldn’t be surprised by this, it’s pretty consistent with what I’ve known of Jake from day one... Always clinging to the past and yet running from it as if it was an angry beast. So hard to get him to understand that it’s just not healthy behavior.” She snickered softly. “What I mean is... He was constantly humming this whenever he thought no one was watching, but he refused to talk about it. If you sneak up on him on a quiet moment you’ll see he still does it. Although, nowadays I’m not so sure if he’s still aware that he does it, some things just tend to become a part of who we are in time, and then we simply stop noticing them. People as well... They become a part of you before you know it, and their habits become your habits... That can be a good thing, or a bad thing though... It depends.” She concluded, a slightly contemplative expression marking her features as if she was genuinely trying to decide which one it was. Slowly the expression shifted back to amusement, her hand reaching for the instrument at her side, fingers resting upon a tiny wooden figurine of a wolf that was glued to the top of the flute. “Your little friend is a music lover, I see... A natural born singer.” She smiled. “Sensitive souls are drawn to music, it seems.”

“Hmm..” Ess kept her gaze upon the cub, the memories of her friend from long ago bringing that familiar sting to her eyes. She sighed, “I..was so mad at him when I thought he had forgotten me; either purposely or by accident from the passing years. It shames me now, to hear how much I am still apart of him but comforting to know because it’s the same for with him owning that piece of my soul. I have his past and you hold his present and future.” When Crys reached for her flute again, the movement naturally attracted Ess’ violet gaze, her smile widening at the tiny wolf upon the instrument. “Ali make that for you?” She inquired, her fingers absently slipping into her pocket to retrieve her own little figurine that was given to her the day Ali and her met. For a reason unclear to her, she had kept it on her everyday since then; even hiding it in her hair when she had no pockets. Several moments of silence passed as she stared into the tiny wooden statue in deep thought. “That tiny friend of mine is growing faster than Tala did. At least, as much as I can remember. Already at that stage where they start developing their own little personalities and stuff..” Ess giggled, “Just like children. Can’t wait for the stubborn ‘teenage’ years. But...” Quirking her other brow she sat up leaning forward when the pup yipped up at Crys curiously. “..They are starting to fixate. This one, has a lot of spirit.” Clear amusement could be heard in her voice as she continued. “Something, I remember you saying I should keep an eye out for. Clearly, all Tala’s pups are spirited, but..” She shrugged, falling silent. “It’s up to them. I would never chain down a free spirit. It’s funny, how even the most ferocious creatures can be lulled or even hypnotized by the right kind of music; the right sound. As long as it speaks to them.”

“Jacob...” Crys sighed. “Has a way of angering people who love him. Hopefully that habit hasn’t yet become a part of him. Either way... The future is uncertain.” She smiled quietly. “And the present is still a bit too tense for my liking.” Another sigh escaped her, but Crys’ smile widened, welcoming the change of subject as she pulled the wooden flute onto her lap, nodding affirmatively to the question. “Ali made it, yes. She says... I’m unbearable when I don’t play. I have a feeling she’s right about that too. It is a great part of my personality, and I don’t feel quite like myself without it. Apparently, not feeling like myself makes me bitchy... Go figure.” A saddened smile crossed Crys’ expression and faded as she added. “Amusing how I got my first flute because I was afraid to lose myself in other people’s feelings... It took me some time, but I discovered there is only one way I can lose myself... And other people’s feelings are the least of my problems... You know, that ‘you’re your own enemy’ thing.” She snorted out a bit of laughter. “Sorry... I’m way too sober to be rambling this way.”

Setting whatever thoughts aside Crys let her attentions fall on the little wolf pup, a curious smile on her face as she nodded at Ess’ words. “Spirit, yes... I remember mentioning it... At the stables. Shockwave, reminded me of Shadow a bit... Of course back then I thought I wouldn’t see Shadow again. We should race them one day... It would be a fun exercise.” Staring at the pup, Crys tilted her head to the side in a curious gesture and once again lifted the flute, playing a few random notes, in no particular order although the sound in itself was pleasant. A delighted look crossed the woman’s eyes as the sound of the flute was joined by a short howl from the young animal. After a few more notes she stopped playing, lowering the instrument with a chuckle. “Adorable. We should start a band.” She stated playfully reaching out and ruffling the little wolf’s fur. “... And isn’t it what we all want, really? Something, or someone, anything, that will speak to us in a different level? The world can be... A very lonely place sometimes.”

'The future is uncertain...'

Essence sighed, “I’m reminded of this every day..That and what we think we know is just another illusion.” Snickering she added, “I mean, so many people that I firmly believed were dead are now walking around Valcrest. Is the world coming to an end or something?” Pushing herself to her feet, Ess approached Crys and quietly sat beside her, giving space between them. Retrieving her flask at her side she giggled, lightly pushing it against Crys’ shoulder. “Too sober for rambling, eh I can fix that.” She played, offering her a drink. “No worries though, I tend to have that effect on people, and who is to say I won’t do it back?”

At Crys’ mention of racing their horses, a strobe like glow lit up her eyes. It had been a while since she had gone riding just to enjoy the scenery and to appreciate all the little things she still loved. Ess knew it was very much needed and long overdue. “Sounds like a plan.” A mischievous grin took over her expression. “Care to make a friendly wager? Perhaps, something the loser would have to do?” Reaching towards the pup, her smile softened. “You know..I still haven’t named these little guys yet. That’s not a very good Auntie of me. Guess I’m leaving it up to them.” Ess shifted a bit uncomfortably, her tone remaining soft and upbeat. “..True, no one wants to be alone. I don’t know what is scarier though: Never finding that something or someone that understands you better than yourself or finding it.” Her mind drifted, purposely shoving aside anything concrete that would start to form in ideas or thoughts. It was easier nowadays to trigger that link between Luckas and herself, little focus needed. In fact, if she reminisced into one of the many memories she now carried that involved him, it would trigger it; even if only for a second. Sometimes it was smells or sounds only, but she always pulled back immediately. Ess wasn’t about to let one of the few things in her life that she could control, spin into chaos. Luckas didn’t need to know how often he was thought of. “..Probably get me into trouble..” She mumbled under her breath.

Crys snickered softly taking the flask from Ess and taking a drink from it. “Just because something isn’t real... It doesn’t mean it can’t be true. I mean, even if reality isn’t what you believed it was, it doesn’t immediately make it meaningless, because... You lived it, and I think that automatically makes it real, doesn’t it? I personally believe that reality in itself depends on our perspective and so... Perhaps the people you believed to be dead were actually dead for as long as you believed them to be. I was dead myself and, I think... In many ways I’m still dead... To a lot of people. To a few I will always be dead because they prefer it that way...” Taking another drink she chuckled. “... And not even close to drunk yet. Perhaps you should ramble a bit too, so I feel less crazy.” She played, an amused expression on her face as offered the flask back to Ess.

The mention of a wager brought back the look of curiosity to Crys’ eyes and she smirked, going into thinking for a couple of moments. “Hmm... Always interesting. Although, if that’s the case, maybe you should consider giving the blind girl a head start, huh?” She joked. “Although to be fair, I doubt that Shadow needs my guidance. You have something in mind to bet on?” Going into relatively silent thinking again, Crys played a few more random notes on her flute, a random and cheerful tune forming itself before being cut to silence as she stopped. “Hmm...” She mumbled, tapping her chin with the flute as she thought. “I guess... It’s scarier not to find it, although, might not be as painful. Depends.” Heaving a small sigh, she shook her head as if trying to push unwelcome thoughts away and smiled softly at the puppy. “So, little friend... What shall we call you, huh?”

Essence opened a warm smile, taking the flask from Crys to guzzle a bit longer than she anticipated of the liquor. “...I..would like to think of myself as a great actress, when necessary...but for some reason my wits are lost as of late, more so than usual. I am trying so hard not to be ruled by my emotions...I don’t even know if it’s possible.” Absently she ran her fingers through her curly bangs. “At least for me..not sure about the rest of the world. It would be nice if all it took was belief to make something real; one’s perception of reality. If it’s real or not, I tend to stay stubborn enough to make those beliefs a reality even if they are not true for the rest of the world.” Ess laughed, her tone hinting at a gentle memory; her own words tossed back into her face. “It’s like...the first day I met Jake..I told him something along the lines of always trusting in yourself because that may be all that’s left in the end. You know I do believe that still, but I also learned it’s good to trust in others too, even though it has been one of the hardest things for me to do.”

Once again passing the flask back to Crys, Ess playfully bumped the woman’s shoulder. “There’s a mini ramble for you, but if you want to know anything just ask. I am sure you have questions for me, no? I know I have questions for you. I feel..a bit lost now not really knowing who my little Jakey is now and yet it’s ironic how much I still see of that boy inside the ‘Man’.” Shaking her head in amusement she shrugged, “We can race...I’ll even give you a head start.” Ess played. “Although I agree, left up to the horses it doesn’t matter. I figure we can leave the bet open. Let’s just say I’ll owe you a favor and visa versa. Not that I wouldn’t help out a friend if asked..” Glancing down at the pup, Ess ruffled up her fur in a gentle but playful gesture, quirking a brow as if she expected the cub to answer Crys on what her name should be.

Crys laughed in amusement as she took the flask and took another short drink from it. “Ever consider the possibility that you may be trying too hard? The human heart is a wild beast, the more you try to restrain it, the harder it fights you. What I mean is... Sometimes people mistake trying to control their emotional responses with trying to control their actual emotions. They try to feel less intensely instead of training themselves to separate. Because that’s certainly harder. What I’m asking is... If you know which one you are trying really.” She took another sip from the flask before returning it. “My father used to say that the only thing that makes our dreams fantasy is our unwillingness to believe in them. He was sort of a ‘anything is possible’ kind of a guy. I find that a comforting thought, whether it’s true or not... Of course hearing stuff like that while growing up might have had an unhealthy effect on my level of stubbornness.” An amused smirk momentarily crossed her features as she sat her flute aside, carefully letting it rest by her side again and readjusted herself so that she was facing Ess. “Well... I’m good with leaving the bet open... It’s always nice to have your friends owe you.” She chuckled, resting her head against the cloak-covered boulder. “I have some questions, but I’m honestly more curious about yours. As I might have mentioned, Jake has changed little from the day I met him. I mean, he’s not ten anymore, but basically still the same person in his best and worst qualities. At the same time, you tell me how much he’s changed... It makes me curious to know what is it you see and what confuses you.” Running her hand through the strands of her hair she mumbled a few things under her breath, momentarily putting her focus on the wolf pup, letting her fingertips slowly graze the animal’s fur as there was some sort of wordless conversation occurring between the two. Smiling back at Ess she continued to speak as if the pause had never happened. “...Well, maybe that was a question after all; what you see.”

Essence nodded here and there as Crys spoke, agreeing with all she said. It was insightful to hear someone speak to her the way Crys was. “Sounds like your father and mine may have gotten along.” She whispered sadly, still holding her smile. “My father use to tell me stories, preaching the same kind of beliefs but I lost hold of those for quite some time. It wasn’t until the dreams became a reality and thus persevering into a darker truth...” Trailing off a moment as if to think over her next words she added, “I know I would rather have the truth, comforting or not than be blissfully unaware. I believe ignorance is what gets us killed. But, what does one do when those truths are indeed comforting?” Shaking her head, Ess snorted in amusement. “Jake and I, even though parted for all those years, seem to subconsciously cling to our demons; to our past.” Heaving a shaky sigh, her smile faded. “He never talked about me, but he never talked about Jess either?” Her tone was in question, half waiting for the answer she pretty much already knew. "The past is a tricky thing...sometimes it's etched in stone...and other times its rendered in soft memories...and if you meddle too long in deep dark things, who knows what monsters you shall awaken...and I think little by little I am finally making some sort of progress, but I worry about Jake. I don’t want it to consume him like it did to me for so long. The sorrow, the emptiness. I did many things to fill the space; to avoid thinking of those painful memories while still clinging to them. So, maybe I went so long avoiding it all, that now everything hits me a hundred times harder. Maybe I do try to control my emotions because I was able to suppress and create new ones for so long.”

Glancing over at the fire, Ess stood to add a few more logs to the flames before settling back down besides Crys. “My Jacob-Bear..” She whispered almost inaudibly. “I know innocence doesn’t last forever and I think that’s at the top of my list of what makes my heart break when I look at him. He still seems to talk plenty but not like he use to. He use to show so much more excitement and curiosity to know about everything and talk about anything. I was there when he lost his father. I was there with him and Jess.” A muffled groan escaped her at the memory before she spoke again. “Jess looks like his mother...” A single tear trailed down her cheek through her painted smile. Clearing her throat she broke out of her straying thought and continued. “Jake has been the same since you met him. I agree this Jacob can be quite infuriating, but tell me...What is your favorite attribute of my brother? What about him touches your soul?” Ess opened a slight smile, her eyes locking on the pup as she curled up between Ess and Crys.

Crys sighed quietly, closing her eyes for moment as if searching for something to say for an answer. Maybe it was about time to stop trying to just not think about the past anymore, she knew that was the one thing that would never solve her problems. Opening her eyes again she nodded slightly as if deciding on words, but let the silence last just a bit longer before speaking in a tone that was far more serene than she felt it should be. “I know why Jake never mentioned you to me. I mean... There is no way in hell I would have let him play dead had I known anything. I would have dragged his sorry ass straight to Newhaven and he was probably just trying to avoid that. Jessica is a whole different story. The most he ever talked about her in the past thirteen years was to mention her death in some way. It’s like he can’t stand to remember her alive. And yet... He keeps that locket close to his heart almost at all times.” Crys shook her head, a noticeable look of frustration in her eyes. “So, this worries me still... This avoidance of his... The fact that I know he’s told me more than he has ever told anyone combined with the fact he’s told me so little, just makes me think that it can’t be much longer until something snaps.” Going silent for yet another moment, Crys slowly reached towards the collar of her shirt, letting her fingertips trace the metal chain around her neck, but keeping it tucked away underneath her clothes. “Jakey is complicated to me... And these are complicated questions because... The things I like the most in him are the usually the ones to make me angry. For instance, one of the last times we spoke before he left he said that people walk away from things everyday, and the he could understand how easy it was to wake up in the morning and just want to tell the world to... Fuck off. What he couldn’t understand was how they could actually do it. It’s like the same part of his personality that won’t allow him to actually leave people behind, as we know he would like to sometimes, also won’t let him let go of anything ever. He literally has to try and fix everything and that’s adorable until you know... It starts to drive you crazy.” She heaved a long sigh that ended in a hint of laughter. “Jake was also that person in my life who said things along the lines of ‘what’s the worse that can happen?’ and ‘why are you so afraid of people?’... My personal favorite was always ‘your left shoe is not the same color as the right one’... That one always used to come after I had already passed about fifty people who were probably thinking the exact same thing. It also taught me to mark my shoes.” She chuckled. “...How about Kaya... For the pup... It suits her... It’s a name with a lot of meanings.”

Ess huffed a tiny sigh and shrugged. “Jake kind of did say fuck the world and walk away..in some ways..and I think he’s facing that now. He seems to want to make right and that part you speak of, that stubbornness I think is eating at him. Think when I saw that, that is what made me want to forgive him and not lose him again.” Leaning back on her hands she glanced up at the sky, brows furrowing as a wave of clouds crept in and hid those familiar stars. “What’s that saying...about losing something and it returning? That it’s meant to be? In times like today, can we really afford to push away those who love us?” Her tone faded almost to a whisper. “Especially if it’s a rarity...” Returning back on a previous thought she spoke up. “He said he believes he failed me and that was a reason he saw it better that I knew him as dead. I would say he’s a bloody fool, but I understand fearing to disappoint those who meant most. Jake means most to me. He looks at me still as if I’m someone to look up to, like he did as a child. I don’t see it...but I do know that if he were to ever look at me with disgust...” Ess shook her head, not even voicing the rest of her thought. “Jess always said that would never be possible; not for Jake. Jess, was beautiful and she had a way of explaining things so they made sense and thus were beautiful.”

Closing her eyes, she went silent for a few moments, a subtle hint of a hum reverberating from her throat before she spoke again. “But things do change...and now there’s....Luckas and Jake doesn’t like to hear me explain how much that guy and I are alike, but I know he’s still got my back. He’s like Tala...very protective and what he gives is unconditional. He...reminds me of my father...now that I think of it.” Ess turned to face Crys. “Now that he’s older too. Makes sense...” Her smile returned, irony glittering in her eyes. “I know I am not well versed in your business, nor is it really my right to know. I understand little when it comes to...’falling’ in love, but....do you love my brother? I was taught to believe ‘Love’ is enough because it fuels strength for so many emotions and motivation that ‘anything is possible.’ Is that not true?” An honest, curious expression crossed her face as she waited for an answer. Ess knew what she wanted to believe but she had not the experience to understand the truth or lie of the philosophy. From afar she had watched how people could be strengthened or torn down by such a concept. She had witnessed how a gesture or single touch could make someone melt or go insane with hatred. It was a tantalizing concept she wanted to be open to but it frightened her more than she could explain. Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of betrayal; or the fear of never finding it, as was brought up earlier. “Is this a question of which pain is more bearable? I mean, we all would like to think we’d never intentionally hurt the people we care about, but that’s an empty promise. Least I’ve come to realize. Perhaps, we are suppose to focus on whether that pain is worth the time we spent with them.”

Essence snickered at the name, ‘Kaya,’ rubbing her fingers behind the pup’s ears. “Kaya...” She whispered, looking at the wolf as if waiting for approval. “What does it mean, Crys?”

Crys snickered under her breath at some of Ess’ questions, it felt odd to be asked about matters such as these and realize she had never actually stopped to really think them through all that much. She was taught to deal with things as they occurred, act on what she felt presently and not on what she may or not feel in the future. The future was a huge blank as far as Crys could tell, especially when these things were concerned. Trying to rationalize things and make them understandable actually drove Crys into rather long moment of introspection, which she broke only to give the one answer she actually felt she could give. “It’s a name with several meanings, like I said... my favorite meaning would be maybe ‘home’ or ‘restful place’, other meanings... hmm... Different types of trees I forget, beautiful one, wise child...” She chuckled. “... Forgiveness.”

With a soft sigh, Crys let silence linger once more while she put her thoughts in order. After another moment had come and gone she went back to what the main topic of conversation had turned into. “I feel... Love is such a vast term. Another word that holds a lot of different meanings. Also a great motivator, even greater than fear, I believe, but... Motivation can only do so much for a person. It’s like... Being the greatest warrior that ever lived and not knowing what you are fighting for. It feels empty after a while. That said... Yes, I love your stupid brother. I can’t honestly remember a point in the past when I didn’t love him, or picture a point in my future when I won’t still love him.” She spoke, shrugging dismissively as if the words held a considerably lighter weight than they actually did. “The problem between me and Jake is not about love, or even forgiveness really. I think... The problem is we have a lot of promises left hanging in the air... Promises that were made under circumstances that no longer exist. The life we had back then is gone and until we’re both done mourning that loss, there is no chance of starting over.” She smiled softly regarding Ess with an amused and curious expression. “That’s just... My particular business though. It does not and should not apply to anyone else’s. Or at least I hope not.” She laughed, shaking her head in amusement, her eyes sparkling discretely as she stared at the woman sitting in front of her. “Alright so... I don’t mean to intrude or anything, and so feel free to ignore this slight change of subject, but... You and Luckas... The two of you share a... uh... Bond, of sorts, yes? I’ve noticed some... How do I put it... Some of your responses don’t exactly fit into the subject of Jake, but then... They kind of became a bit clearer when you mentioned Luckas. And on the other hand I have managed to get a couple of rather amusing reactions from him by simply threatening to mention you so... Again, I don’t mean to intrude I just happen to have noticed it and thought maybe you might want to discuss that with someone at some point.”

Essence began to chuckle at Crys’ comment of Jake being ‘stupid’, slowly it escalated into a muffled laugh as she worked to catch her breath. “People at least have a way of surprising us, no?” She hummed at the idea of emptiness, feeling a familiar knot throbbing in her gut. That had to be one of the worst feelings she carried on with for years until she began finding different things to stuff in the gaping hole inside herself. Something she had decent knowledge of what it could mean but mostly she had accepted its existence for so long that it almost melded to be a part of her. “Not so long ago...” She muttered, her violet eyes widening for a split second before returning to their normal size. Ess held her breath for a few moments before exhaling heavily through her nostrils. Letting her eyes close at the mention of her friends’ name, she pushed back a tiny chill that ran up her spine, tiny goose bumps appearing at the base of her neck. “Fair is fair with questions, right? I did ask you a very personal question. My question is, what exactly do you mean by bond?” Opening her eyes again she quirked a brow. “I think we just confuse one another a bit much.” Ess played, forcing a smile. Her mind drifted back to Crys’ answer on how ‘love’ is different to everyone and she couldn’t help but wonder what it was to feel like. “What does it feel like to Love Jake? I understand that’s rather personal, but how would you describe that feeling for you?”

Crys smiled at Ess’ response to her questioning, slowly shaking her head. “Fair is fair, yes, but... I believe you do have a bit more of a right to ask than me, Jake is your little brother after all, no? It’s sort of in your job description to pry on his personal business a bit.” A curious look crossed Crys’ eyes momentarily as she wasn’t exactly sure what she had meant by ‘bond’, it was the closest term she could find for what she perceived, but she didn’t know exactly what it meant. “I think... By bond, I mean... A connection of some sort... Emotions are vague, and not very easy to describe, thus I don’t like to try and speculate much on what I can tell from people. It would be horribly irresponsible, not to mention wrong, of me to do so.”

The question of how it felt to love Jake caused two different reactions on Crys, the first was a slight wince as if she had been startled by the words and the second was a little chuckle that slowly grew into a short fit of laughter. Once she managed to stop and breathe she spoke, still a bit breathless. “Sorry... Just... You just reminded me of when I was last asked this question.” Coughing a couple of times to clear her throat, Crys managed to settle down in a more serious tone. “Almost unfair that I answer it now...” She mumbled under her breath, not hesitating to raise her voice and move the conversation along. “It’s a difficult description to make... almost as if I asked you to describe color to me. Some people have given me some interesting answers, but I still don’t know what makes blue different from yellow.” Picking her flute from her side Crys began to play a few notes on the instrument, eyes sparkling slightly as the random notes changed into a soothing melody, so soft it was as almost like the flute whispered the notes onto the air; as if telling a secret. The softly played notes faded from barely audible to fully silent even though the transition made it clear that the song was still playing somewhere in the back of Crys’ mind even as she set the flute aside once more and began to speak. “In the simplest terms I can think of... It feels as if I’ve taken my heart right out my chest, where it was safe, and placed on the hands of a stupid boy who doesn’t seem to think it’s much of a big deal to just take it and run off with it whenever he pleases. It makes me feel frightened, helpless and more often than not; foolish, because I’ve given someone else power over everything that makes me who I am and that can so easily destroy me... And at the same time, I feel that none of that matters because if there is one person in the world I would trust my whole heart to, Jake is that person... Even when he hurts me, even when he angers me, and even in the one single moment when I hated him... Because at some point, I’m not sure exactly when, the mere fact that he exists in the world just makes it so... Much... Better.” Crys stopped talking, forcing herself to take a long deep breath taking notice of how shaky it had turned out. “I am an empath, and to someone who experiences emotions the way I do... Emotional connections are difficult, letting people in can be terrifying and painful. Jake feels... Warm, and safe... And the world feels warmer and safer because of him.” She sighed occupying herself with petting the wolf pup as she went silent. After a few moments passed she turned her attention back to Ess. “Tell me something... While we have been talking... Have you tried not to let your feelings show on your expression, even though I can’t see your face? I have a feeling that you have, but I’m not sure.”

Ess took in a shaky breath and sighed, relaxing a bit on what Crys was feeling from her and trying to make sense out of the disarray of her emotions. The term ‘Bond’ had thrown her for a loop, momentarily worried if anyone else knew about her and Luckas’ link. Not that she didn’t feel she couldn’t trust Crys, but she thought it best to have as few people know about it as possible. With Jake, she felt almost obligated to share everything with him; if she wanted to or not. As she listened to Crystal answer her question on what it felt like to Love, an embarrassed, almost guilty feeling crept into stomach. “Perhaps it was an unfair question to ask..” She whispered.

'...I’ve given someone else power over everything that makes me who I am and that can so easily destroy me...'

Essence froze, a feeling of nausea passing over her momentarily at the thought, tiny beads of sweat appearing against her hairline. “Warm...and safe...I think that’s a good way to explain that feeling...” She trailed off with a shrug. “Blue...would be my feeling of warm and safe, maybe sometimes cold since blue tends to correspond to water much of the time even though it’s an illusion. Jake’s eyes are blue.. Yellow...” Ess smiled. “Yellow would be like looking into the sun, also warm but blinding. It makes my eyes hurt and water to stare into it, even for a second. I can understand why colors can be confusing to comprehend but mostly they lead into emotions and visa versa; if that makes any sense.” An awkward laugh escaped her, humming in acknowledgement of Crys’ perception of her emotions inwardly V.S. outwardly. “I know it doesn’t matter what I show on my expression around you. I guess you can call it an...’occupational hazard’ that’s never left me. I spent a very long time always interpreting someone else in physical and auditory form to create the perfect illusion. Part of my gift; my attention to detail.”

Crys nodded along to Ess’ words as she spoke of what the colors meant to her, but she wasn’t quite paying attention. She could remember the several times she had a different explanation, some of which she found particularly interesting, but none of them actually made a difference on how she perceived, or rather didn’t perceive, things. “My mother once told me that... There’s color in music... She taught me to play what she felt each color sounded like... Blue sounds like... Something soft... Soothing... Much like waves, maybe. Jakey described it as sinking into warm water after a long day of training...” Slowly she shook her head and snickered. “Blinding... Huh... Is that why yellow is usually associated with fear? Although, it seems to me that the beautiful things in life are usually the ones that blind us... So, Ess... What is your favorite color?” She asked, a look of genuine interest in her expression as she seemed to examine the other woman. “Occupational hazzard, huh? Something else my father used to say... The most important part of being deceptive is to not let yourself forget your ‘true face’.”

“Yellow...fear...creation...out of the ashes of fire, new life is sustained .”Ess muttered as if in a trance, smirking at the idea of fire. “I ..guess my favorite color would be red, but I like all dark colors: blues, greens, purples.. and the metallic shadows of the night sky. I like anything I can get lost in.” Clearing her throat, she began tapping her nails against the side of the flask. “It was easier to ignore what and who I was then, especially when I didn’t know. Guess you could say I wandered around aimlessly numb and careless through the rest of my teenage years. I spent more than half my life pretending and less time sorting out what kind of person I am. I don’t know, maybe I just always knew.”Ess nodded as if to confirm her thought, her mind drifting back to the subject of Jacob. “I bet I could get Jake to talk about Jess..even if only a little. I know what it’s like to not face one’s ghosts. He did bring her up one of the times we chatted.” She shrugged, not really sure where her mind was going with that one except that she was avoiding something within herself, that which she refused to acknowledge. A dull ache began to form behind her ears while she rubbed at her eyes through a defiant yawn. “Crys.....since you are blind...do you dream? I mean...well maybe I don’t know what I mean. Guess was wondering what that must be like.”

“Red...” Crys mumbled. “That’s an interesting color, I’m told...” She trailed off, not elaborating on what made red so interesting to her, and focusing on what Ess was saying instead, absently wondering what numb and careless must feel like; she wasn’t sure she had ever experienced either one. “I always found it difficult to separate... You know, who I am from what I am. It’s so very easy to let ourselves be defined by our place in the world, whatever it may be, than to try and figure out what else is there. It’s something that still confuses me.” Heaving a small sigh she closed her eyes momentarily, allowing her mind to drift off as she focused on the sounds and feels of the camp around them. She wasn’t sure of the time, but a lot of the people had retired for the night or were about to, even those who were still awake were mostly silent. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes at the question of what her dreams were like. “My mind cannot form images, obviously, but other than that... My dreams are much like everyone else’s... Some of them feel awfully real, some aren’t quite real enough for my liking... Some dreams are of things that were real at some point in the past... I dream about my mother a lot, mostly when I’m stressed for some reason. Which is odd, really. My mom was many things in my life, but she was not a calming presence.” Letting out a small chuckle she shook her head, slowly letting her focus fall back to Jake she sighed. “I’m sure he would talk to you about her, if you push him just a little bit.” She paused for a moment, a small flicker of light crossing her eyes as she added. “He can’t sleep again.”

Ess appeared to not be listening when in actuality all she kept thinking about for a few moments were Crys’ words, ..’who I am from what I am...’. “I...would like to think that both are things that can be shaped in our desired image, in addition to those things we can’t control in life. My position is changing...I’m no longer defined by those lonely, survival terrors I thought I had to suffer with.” Lifting her head up with a hint of pride she smirked, her tone a soft whisper, “I’m no longer someone else’s fantasy to use and abuse.” Ess paused glancing at Crys curiously as she mentioned her own dreams, nodding along with her words which brought Essence a bit of comfort to hear. Quirking a brow she sighed. “Jake doesn’t sleep either, huh? You mean right now or in general?” She laughed, another question forming, distracting her from where she was going with her previous words. “How far is your range to sense someone?” She asked, leaning towards Crys as she awaited an answer.

“Hmm...” Crys mumbled, trying to somehow measure the range of her enlightenment in her mind. “It’s hard to say. Generally speaking, I can sense everyone within the boundaries of this camp. People I know, I can sense at greater distances if I concentrate. And then there are... Exceptional cases...” She paused for a moment before shrugging slightly and moving on. “There are levels of emotions though... There is what I can sense without trying and there is what I could sense if I tried... Those things people are mostly unaware that they carry inside themselves. In training I have been encouraged to take these things and use them, but it’s not something I was ever comfortable with. Keeping some lines intact is a rather vital part of my personal code.”

Going back on the conversation a little, and consequently pulling the focus away from her enlightenment, Crys nodded. “I think, that purpose for some people is something that is, or can be, desired and sought and for others... It just exists. I was born into mine, in a way. I mean, it’s debatable, if one is born an Alpha or if one can become one... If it’s the first then I’ll always be the Alpha, as some like to believe, but if it’s the latter... Then what am I now? It’s tricky, and then I can’t help but wonder what the hell does it even matter anyway? This really hasn’t changed me all that much, not as much as I believe it should anyway... Or maybe that side of me is a bit numb.” Running her fingers through the strands of her hair, Crys released a soft and slightly awkward laugh. “Your turn to ramble now, I think.” She played, letting her laughter fade as she mumbled. “I don’t remember the last time I caught Jacob sleeping.”

“Why is it, Crys, that it’s always easier to give sound advice than to take it? Ironic how we can see others easier than ourselves.” Ess smiled, noting how the pup had fallen asleep, reaching over to give a little scratch behind her ear. “The changes are subtle sometimes, however there. I realized the other day, after I awoke from a random nightmare that my change coincides with the night I met up with Mageria in the city; the night I ran into Luckas again. I didn’t see it or know it then, but..” Essence sighed, gently massaging the base of her neck before shaking her head, tossing her thick curls over her face. “Well there’s lots of reasons for the change and perhaps it started a few years back but I walked away from some old habits and haven’t looked back since that night. Problem is, with that change, I’m still haunted and judged for those past transgressions; even if it’s only myself who is doing the judging. It’s so hard sometimes, though. To NOT forget myself and fall into the actress mode. I always said I’d never show any man the real me, and Jacob doesn’t count.” She snickered, brushing a few curls from her gaze. “Think I’m breaking my own promise. But who knows right? Maybe some promises should be broken.” Ess took a moment to breathe. “So, was that considered a ramble?” She joked. “Well, even if Jakey is awake, I think it’s a bit late to spring on an emotional conversation..I’ll probably wait until tomorrow at some point even though I probably won’t be doing much sleeping myself unless one considers sleepwalking actual rest. But, I don’t want to keep you too much longer my friend.”

[Otium 17 - Afternoon]

Crys was sitting by her desk when Ike knocked on the door. She urged the man in wordlessly and continued to write down notes as he sat across from her. She could hear the man’s foot nervously tapping against the wooden floor and his breathing starting to quicken from the thick silence.

“Have you come here for a reason, Ike? If so, I suggest you speak. I can’t read minds you know.”

“I... I was wondering about something, Crys. If I may ask...”

“Ask, and then we’ll see if you may or not. Like I said; not a telepath.” Crys smiled, lowering her pen and putting her focus on the shaky man.

“I remember that you said... You said... You couldn’t make killers out of us.”

“I did.”

“Is that true?”

“No.” Crys smiled. “You know it’s not true, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking. What you really want to know is why I won’t.”

“Why won’t you? The ginger, up at the Inn, said you were recruiting, but you don’t seem to want some of us to stay.”

“I could make all of you into killers, Ike, because anyone can be a killer given the right circumstances, the right motivations, or if you take away enough of their humanity. I know it doesn’t look that way from where you stand, but there is something me and my crew all share; we are cold at our cores. Were not inhuman, we’re not cruel, we’re not numb to emotions; not usually, but we can be. We can turn it off for a split second, because that’s how long it takes a skilled assassin to take a life. And then we can turn it back on and go about our business as if nothing ever happened. Here one second. Gone the next. And yes I could instill that in all of you, within a year’s time... Less depending on your willingness to bleed. Thing is I know well the toll that takes. A lot of you came to us with nothing to lose, but some of you are here because you lost something you hope to still salvage. I intend your souls to remain intact for when you do. Simple as that.”

“I see...”

“You’re here because your brother was killed and your niece and nephew were taken, isn’t that so?” Crys asked, her eyes focused on the man. “What kind of a family do you suppose a killer would be able to provide those children?”

“Uh... I...” Ike mumbled.

“You’re afraid you won’t find them alive. I understand. And if that’s the case, we can have this conversation again.”

“I guess... I...”

“And don’t feel discouraged, Ike. You’re doing quite well on your training. Irena is one of our toughest recruits. However she is also one of the nicest girls I know. I thought you’d do well as a team for the time being.”

“Yes. I see that.” The man agreed, lowering his head and clearly giving up any sort of argument he still planned on having.

“And if that was all, I suggest you go back to it. I’ll be right down in a minute.”

“Uhm... Yes...” The man mumbled. “Oh... Nick asked me to let you know that Kaya has gone back to the Nest. If that... makes sense...” The man scratched his head on his way out.

Crys snickered. “It makes perfect sense.” She whispered, closing the book she’d been writing on and following the man down to the bar, sitting across from Nick while Ike continued down to the training room. “Those guys are more trouble than I thought.” Crys mumbled.

“I warned you about recruiting so openly, Boss.” Nick shrugged. “Those guys have far too naive notions of what Death entails. It could be dangerous to teach them as much as we have and just spit them back out.”

“Maybe we ought to show them.” Crys snorted.

“Wha...?” Nick jumped in his seat. “What are you saying?”

“The others are ready to start taking on assignments. We’ve partnered them, haven’t we?”

“Boss...” Nick mumbled. “That’s a bit extreme... They can’t possibly keep up...”

“They’re not supposed to keep up. That’s the point.”

“They could endanger the other recruits. Or get themselves killed... This is not...”

“Nicholas.” Crys interrupted the man. “There are things in life that words can never teach, right now they need to learn this to survive. It’s important. Because something’s about happen, it’s in the air, in this town... And once it does... It’s a point of no return. If they’re not ready then, if we are not ready...”

“Boss?” Nick mumbled.

“I’ll make sure they understand the risks.” Crys exhaled sharply through her nose. “Trust me.”

Nicholas flinched at the words. They were voiced in the form of a simple request, but there was a weight underneath them as though she’d had just asked him to follow her into war. “You know I do, Boss.”

“Good.” Crys smiled.

“Just don’t go killing off the newbs.” Nick warned. “That strikes me as a tad bit counter productive.”

Crys laughed. “I’ll keep that under consideration, but I’ll make no promises.” She grinned, standing up from her stool and taking the stairs down to the basement.

[Three weeks ago]

“I’m just saying; we don’t know who these people really are. They ask us to follow this little girl when we barely know who she or what she’s capable of...”

“What alternative do we have, Ike? Do we lay down and die? No one else has offered up a better solution.”

“It looks way too good of an opportunity, if you ask me. These people come to your rescue, say they’re going to help us take back our City; and what’s in it for th-...”

The man named Ike silenced himself the moment the sound of footsteps echoed from the stairs. Crys made her descent as slow as possible, reading the reactions of the other recruits to her presence. She didn’t blame them for the doubt; those men weren’t fighters, they were shopkeepers, bakers, farmers... They didn’t know what they were doing there, only that they needed to do something. Ike was the oldest of the new recruits, already in his early forties, mistrustful, rough around the edges and a loud mouth for sure, but all in all a good man.

When Crys reached the bottom of the stairs, the training room was dead silent. It wasn’t respect; not yet, but apprehension. They’d seen very little of her since recruitment, but they’d heard plenty from their instructors. Crys gestured towards the staircase and a group of cloaked assassins descended after her. “These men and women,” Crys spoke, indicating the group, “are the last generation of recruits. They followed us out of the forest; most of them straight out of basic training, and have been training under my associates, and myself, for the past three years.” As she spoke, the assassins rid themselves of their cloaks and picked up training weapons as though given a command none of the others had been able to hear. “I brought them in today to show you first hand who and what we are. I could make perfect weapons out of most of you within a year’s time, but we don’t have a year and you’re not killers. For now, your goal is to not become victims... Again... And yes, we can help with that.”

Each of the assassins moved to stand before one of the new recruits, awaiting further instructions, much to the new guys’ confusion.

“Irena,” Crys called, drawing the attention of a short brown haired girl, “switch with Randall, I want you paired with Ike. I believe fighting you will do his pride a lot of good.”

Irena promptly switched places with her colleague, smiling sweetly at Ike. “Ello, handsome,” she greeted, looking up at the man. Ike towered over the young girl, not to mention he was old enough to be her father.

“Take a good look at the person standing before you. You’ll share a room, meals, bathroom breaks, and you’ll train together always from now on. I expect that within a month you’ll be giving them a semblance of a challenge.” She pointed at the center of the room, “I want four pairs in the center, show your new partners what you’ve learned so far; the rest stand back and observe. Come on, people, move.”

“Nicholas,” Crys called as the recruits took positions in the center, “Jake’s on his way over. Send him down when he arrives.”

--------------

It was the middle of the afternoon, so finding the Inn empty upon his arrival was not a complete surprise to Jake, he calmly sat by the bar waiting for someone to show up. It’d been a while since he had last been there. The night he killed Joffrey. The place was really looking good compared to the mess it was back then.

“Hey, Jake!” Nicholas’ voice called out behind him and Jake turned in his seat. “Crys wants to see you, she’s downstairs with the newbies.”

“Newbies?” Jake questioned with a chuckle, stashing his travel bag behind the bar counter and following Nick down to the basement.

“Newbies. You know, the recruits.” Nick explained. “We gathered a few since you last came around. They’re a bit reluctant to take orders from the blind girl, so...” Nick shrugged as they entered the training room. Jake was surprised that the noise there couldn’t be heard from the bar. There were four spars going on at the same time between an experienced assassin and a ‘newbie’, as Nick called them. The only person there seemingly able to keep up with them all was Crys, moving amongst the pairs of fighters and issuing instructions here and there to the recruits.

When Jake approached the center Crys ended the fights with a gesture that prompted the assassins to disarm and subdue their ‘opponents’ in a matter of seconds and stand at attention. It was amusing how blatantly clear it was that they had been taking it easy on the newcomers all along; all fights ending with the ‘newbies’ fallen at the assassins’ feet unarmed. Jake didn’t remember ever getting that sort of leniency when he was in training, but he couldn’t deny those guys were more organized and focused than he had ever seen them and Jake had to ask himself how long Crys had been planning to move into Blackpond. It just seemed like she had done too good of a job of it for something she had thought up during a particularly disastrous Castle ball. This looked like ‘years worth of planning’ work.

“I’m impressed.” He declared, smirking as one of the recruits cursed under his breath, pushing himself up from the ground.

“It’s not much, but it’s a start.” Crys answered with a shrug. “It’s quite... Fortunate... That you decided to show up today though, I was hoping you’d help me out with something. If you have some time to spare, that is.”

“Oh well you know me; I’m always willing to help...” Jake smiled, knowing he’d probably regret saying that soon enough. “What do you need me for?”

“Well, Jacob, you see... Those tough guys over there, whom you’ve just witnessed get knocked on their asses in less than a full minute, have been wondering whether it’s wise of them to accept training from someone they have never seen in a fight. And now they’re probably a bit uncomfortable because they thought they had said that behind my back. You have to excuse their naivety... They’re still learning.”

“You want to give them a demonstration.” Jake concluded, nodding his agreement. “We haven’t really sparred in... uhm... Five years? Since Theron’s training, I think, wasn’t it?”

“Something like that.” Crys smiled. “Are you up for it?”

“How could I possibly deny you the opportunity to beat the crap out of me?” Jake retorted with a laugh. “Are we using real gear, or... The toy swords?”

“Usually I’d say real gear, but... I’m afraid I’d be too tempted to put another mark on that pretty face of yours, so maybe we should disarm ourselves.” Crys suggested, calmly ridding herself of all her weapons as well as the thin leather armor she wore. As Jake began to do the same he saw Nicholas hurry upstairs as though he’d forgotten something. Not paying much attention to the man’s behavior, Jake got rid of his cloak, all his blades, his needles, and even his shirt so that it was clear to those watching he wasn’t hiding anything.

“You might want to put that in your pocket, Jakey.” Crys pointed out, indicating the golden locket hanging over his chest. “You wouldn’t want the chain to break or anything.”
“It’s not going to break, besides... It protects me. I have a feeling I’m going to need it.” Jake retorted.

“Probably.” Crys snickered, retrieving a pair of wooden fighting sticks about the size of a short one-hand sword and casually tossing them in Jake’s direction, grabbing another pair for herself. “So you want to assign points for each hit or should we just keep going until someone says ‘stop’?” She asked. “If I recall correctly you cried last time we did that.”

“You elbowed me in the n-...” Jake stopped himself from protesting and shook his head, a faint chuckle escaping him. “You know what... I’m fine whichever way you want to do this. After all, this is a teaching exercise and these are your recruits, no?”

“Fair enough... Until someone says ‘stop’. I assume you still remember what happened last time you tried to take it easy on me.” She warned.

Jake laughed softly, indicating the scar above his eye with the end of his left-hand weapon as he replied. “Vividly.” He smirked, feeling the weight of the wooden weapons. much lighter that what he was used to. “I haven’t used these since basic training. Your father loved smacking us around with these...”

“If he was still alive he would have given us both real smackdown.” Crys replied severely.

“I’m sure of it.” Jake agreed, assuming a defensive stance. “Ready when you are.” He told her, encouraging her to strike first. Just as he said that however, Nicholas came running down into the basement, followed closely by Ali. They both seemed to have ran a good distance straight into the room, not wanting to miss anything. Their arrival distracted Jake from Crys, which resulted in the man being struck painfully in the face by one of her wooden sticks.

Jake groaned as the blow was quite forceful, but he still managed to block the next strike even though his sight actually blurred for a moment. “Ow.” He muttered.

“You said you were ready.” Crys stated simply, a smirk forming across her lips. “How about now, Jakey? Ready now?” She teased.

Jake replied only with an angry snort as he attacked, the sound of wood colliding over and over again echoed through the basement as the training weapons clashed in mid air. It silenced all other sounds as recruits and assassins alike stopped to watch the spar. Of course the newbies were impressed with the display of skill from both sides, but for the assassins there was more to their interest than simply observing the technique, they knew the history between Jake and Crys, most of it at least, and they were waiting for some form of hell to break loose at any minute.

The fight had started out balanced, and somewhat playful, Jake purposely lowering his guard at times and dodging Crys’ weapons as they slashed dangerously close to his face. It was as if they were putting on a little show. The mood changed rapidly at the first few actual hits though, neither Crys or Jake seemed hindered by the strikes they suffered, instead they seemed to be driven by them. Jake managed to strike Crys’ in her right hand, forcing her to drop one of the weapons. He pushed her left handed weapon to the side with his right and struck her in the stomach with the heel of his boot; in the spot where she had once been stabbed. Crys doubled over, momentarily winded.

“Are you holding back or has Death softened you?” Jake scolded, kicking the fallen training weapon to her as she recovered. “Pick it up!”

A few of the assassins flinched at Jake’s words, but Crys simply laughed as she recovered the training weapon. The fight resumed a bit more intense and Jake was now and again struggling to avoid Crys’ blows; the empath now attacking with furious determination, pushing Jake back step by step while the man just defended her attacks. It soon became clear that Jake was waiting for something, because he abruptly change from just defending to dodging Crys’ attack and then quickly countering with strikes of his own, one of them breaking past her guard and striking her with full force across the face. Jake hesitated, but Crys wasn’t so hindered by the blow, quickly retaliating, but quickly striking both of Jake’s hands, face, and ending the fight by kicking his feet from under him. She straddled him and began to swing her right stick once again towards his face.

“Stop.” Jake muttered.

Crys stopped mid-blow, the fighting stick less than an inch from Jake’s skull, and stood up. She turned away and groaned, spitting a bit of blood on the ground. “You almost had me; why did you stop?” She questioned.

Jake slowly pushed himself up, stumbling a bit in his step, still feeling the blow to the face. “I didn’t stop, I just hesitated. Are you alright? You spat blood.”

“Just a little cut inside my mouth. Not serious.” She muttered, rubbing her left cheek. “I’m gonna bruise though. Hmph.” Heaving a sigh Crys glared in the direction of her assassins. “You all enjoyed the show? Good; now get your asses back to work.”

She didn’t have to ask twice.

“Well that was very entertaining.” Ali smirked. “You know... Letting off some aggression instead of just using your words... Very healthy.”

Crys shook her head, stopping when the act became painful. “Just... Do me a favor and supervise the pups... I need to rest my head and I’m sure Jake didn’t stop by just so we could beat each other with sticks; as fun as that was.”

Crys walked past Ali and Nick upstairs to the bar and further to the second floor, Jake grabbing his gear and following after her until they reached a large room that had been made into an office. She leaned against the large desk in the center of the room and half smiled. “So, what brings you?”

“You sure you’re okay?” Jake questioned again, dropping his weapons and belongings on the corner of the room and throwing his shirt back on.

Crys snorted a laugh. “I can take a beating, Jake. Even more than just a beating. I’ll be okay. Is that why you flinched? You felt bad for hitting me in the face? Wouldn’t have stopped you before.”

“I know what you can and can’t take. Doesn’t mean I still won’t hate seeing you hurt.”

“Then close your eyes.” Crys argued.

Jake sighed. “Crys... Just...”

“I’m serious. It was a spar; you were supposed to hit me and you should have kept hitting me until I said ‘stop’. That’s what we agreed on, remember? You were supposed to trust me to know my own limits.”

“I trust you completely.” Jake protested. “It’s just not easy for me to keep things separate; especially when I don’t know where I stand with you anymore.”

“Back there when you asked if Death had softened me...” She snickered. “That was the closest to normal I’ve gotten out of you in years. Because you were never afraid to say anything to my face.”

“I said one too many things to your face last time...” Jake mumbled, walking closer to her and gently tracing his fingertips along the forming bruise on her cheek. “I should have never...” He sighed.

“Jacob... None of what happened in the desert was your fault. It was mine. You know, you were right; I was doubting myself, I was hiding, I was afraid. No one would have seen it, but you. No one else would have so openly called me out on it... Not like that. And I’m not... Angry... Not anymore. Because as painful as everything has been in the past three years... The distance has done us both some good.”

“You think so?”

“I think...” She smiled, leaning into his touch. “I think we’re both very stubborn people and we were so determined to be together that we ignored all the little ways we were hurting each other. I think, I was particularly unfair to you. Cruel at times maybe. Because you are the way you are; you want to fix the world and you want to... Protect... Everything you love and it’s so easy for me to just cling to you when I’m hurting. It eases the pain, but at the same time it puts this weight on your shoulders that shouldn’t be yours to bear.”

Jake sighed softly, leaning into Crys, his hand still holding the side of her face. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”

“Maybe. We were kids; practically, when this whole thing started, we didn’t know any better, but we’re not kids anymore, Jacob. We know how naive some promises truly are and how horrifying the world can get. We know that we are... No longer the same.”

“Last time we spoke... You said...”

“I said I was done doing ‘this’ with you. I am done going around in circles... What we had, to me, is over. Because it has to be. Because it wasn’t healthy for either of us. That doesn’t mean that we can’t or that we shouldn’t start over. I never said, and I will never say, that you’re allowed to quit on me.”

“Oh...” Jake mumbled.

“Yeah... Oh.” Crys laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. “You do realize I love you, don’t you? Idiot.”

Jake smirked, pressing his forehead to hers. “Of course you do, I’m amazing.”

Crys laughed. “You didn’t hit me in the head that hard, Jakey,” she teased, turning her head and kissing his palm. “But you do have your moments, love.”

Jake snorted a laugh. “I’ll take that compliment.” He lowered his hand from her cheek, frowning at the welt left by the wooden stick. It’d fade in a few days; he knew, but he didn’t like it there.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve had worse.” She whispered. “Do I need to remind you that I actually beat you down there?”

“You say we should start over. You’re right. And you know I’ll do whatever you ask me, but don’t ask me not to worry. That I can’t do.” He said, wrapping his left arm around her waist.

Crys smiled at the words, her fingers toying with a few strands of his hair. “Mhm... I know that...” She answered. “Honestly Jake, there are two things I need from you if we are to make this work and I think they’re simple enough.” She smirked. “Even for you.”

“Fair enough. So tell me; what might those things be?”

“First and foremost, Jakey; no more running. And no more promises. Do you think you can do that?”

“I think that I can, but I can’t promise though.” He snickered.

Crys snorted a laugh, her hand moving from Jake’s hair to put a firm grip on the man’s chin, locking his eyes with hers. “Take this seriously, Jake.” She warned.

“I always take you seriously.”

“Oy, Killer, you in there?” Irvin’s voice called down the hall from the office. The boy’s footsteps drawing near.

“Looks like that’s your cue, Jakey.” Crys smirked. “Off to save the world and whatever.”

Jake laughed softly under his breath, leaning in and unceremoniously kissing her lips. It caught her off guard and for a split second he thought she might push him away, but she pulled him close instead, her body relaxing into his embrace. Just like that, it was as though Time lost all meaning, and they’d both been there all along.

“Hello?”

The sound of the opening door forced Jake to pull away from Crys, a sigh escaping his nostrils at the awkward silence that lingered in the room.

“I’m interrupting something?” Irvin mumbled sheepishly. “The barkeep said I could just come up.”
Crys snorted a laugh. “Sure he did.”

Irvin looked from Crys to Jake with a curious look in his eyes. “I don’t wanna rush you, Killer, but did you ask her? We have to go back soon.”

“No, Kid, just... give us a couple more minutes... I’ll be right down.”

“Kay, sure.” Irvin answered, hurrying out of the office and down the stairs.

“Nick must be really curious to send the kid up here like that.” Crys chuckled. “So, what were you supposed to ask me?”

Jake shook his head, amused at Irvin’s obvious embarrassment, but also a bit annoyed at the interruption. “Right, right... You distracted me.” He snickered. “Uhm... My birthday’s coming up and... I need your help throwing a surprise party.”

“You’re... Surprising yourself?” Crys laughed. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Nooo...” Jake laughed out. “It’s for Ess. You know, we never knew what her birthday was growing up so... I sort of shared mine. I haven’t really celebrated my birthday in years, but since we now found each other again... You know... Maybe a party is due.”

“Hm... I seee... So we’re doing this for that sister you never once mentioned in all these years we’ve known each other.” Crys asked, her tone slightly severe.

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry about that.”

“Please, Jakey, I know why you never told me. You know I would have dragged your ass to Newhaven the moment I found out. I still can’t get it in my head that if it wasn’t for Mageria you might not have ever looked for her.”

“I would have, Crys. I know, I would have. It just happened the way it did, alright?” Jake muttered.

“Remember what you said, back in the desert, when you told me I was hiding, that I was afraid to take action... You told me that it’s stupid to sit around and expect Fate to deliver. That we have to go after what we want. Remember that?”

“I thought about it and I did, in a way, look while I was in Newhaven...” He started, leaning against the desk beside Crys. “When I was living there, I looked for her in every person I passed on the street. I told myself I might not know her face, but I’d know it was her when I saw her... I know her eyes... And I looked. I just... I didn’t track her down, because that I didn’t have the courage to do, but I did look for her. I did want to see her again. I just... I told myself that since I was dead, she would have been over me, that she was okay without me, that it was better if I didn’t...”

Crys reached for Jake’s hand and give it a comforting squeeze. “I know Jakey.”

“I know I was wrong, that both our lives might have been a lot better if I had found her then, but I was afraid. I knew I wasn’t going to be the man Jess and I wanted me to be. The man I told her I would be. I was afraid she’d... Look at me and... She’d be disappointed. She’d turn me down. And I know it’s not reasonable, or fair, of me to feel that way, but I did. And I know that she feels that too, that she worries I might one day look at her differently and leave her. That she still fears that now and... I think, I just want to show her that she’s not alone and that no matter what she’ll never be alone again. Because she doesn’t have just me anymore. You know?”

“I know. We’ll just need to make this party extra special then, won’t we?” Crys smiled. “After all, she’s family; yours and mine, and family always deserves the best.”

“Exactly.” Jake smiled. “So you’ll help then?”

“Oh, you can count me in. Absolutely.” She nodded along to her words. “Now you better be off and I should go back to my recruits... They require a lot of work still.” She kissed his cheek and smirked. “And the world’s not gonna save itself, is it?”

[Otium 17 - Early Evening]

They had made progress. More so, they had become an unit, still Crys couldn’t shake the fear that these people were far from prepared for what they might have to face. She wasn’t even sure she knew what there was to face in the first place. Idly she paced the training room, walking amongst the pairs of fighters, taking note of the sounds of their footsteps, the clashing of their training weapons, their heart rates, breathing... She was pleased at how they had become more focused, calmer, more precise, but it wasn’t enough.

Crys rose her hand and the pairs ceased fighting, standing at attention. She walked to the weapon racks and pulled two short blades, dropping them in the center of the room. “Enough playing with toy swords. One of you, pick those up.” She commanded, drawing her Sai. “Come on.”

No one moved at first. It was clear no one wanted to fight Crys; even less using real blades. It was Irena who made the first move and stepped forth to pick up the swords. “Shall we fight, Boss?” The girl asked.

“Give one to your partner, you’re a team, no?” Crys smiled.

“What?” Ike muttered, glaring daggers at Irena as he took the sword from her.

“Are you afraid, Ikey?” The girl grinned. “We’re fighting two against one after all... I promise I’ll protect you?”

“I’m not afraid.” The man snorted. “I just don’t appreciate having decisions made for me, alright?”

“I’ll take that under consideration next time, Ikey-Wikey.” Irena playfully cooed at the older man.

“A bit late for that now, so why don’t you step forward? The sooner we begin the sooner it’ll be over.” Crys stated calmly. “Do you think the people who murdered your brother did so fighting with sticks, Ike? If you can’t pick up a blade you’ll never be able to stand up and fend for yourself. If you’re afraid to bleed a little, then trust me; you’re going to die out there. I don’t take kindly to that idea. I’m your Instructor after all. If you fail, I fail. And I hate failure.”

Ike was momentarily stunned at Crys’ words, his body tensed for a moment, fist clenching around the hilt of the sword, but after a moment it passed and the man nodded calmly to the blind assassin’s words. “Yes, Boss.”

----------------

[Raven’s Nest, Otium 13 - Night]

Luckas was standing by the oak, back resting against the trunk of the tree, eyes fixed at some random spot in the distance he wasn’t exactly paying attention to. The afternoon after the eclipse was spent in the forest with Stalker, both hunting and thinking things over. Something was off in what had happened and Luckas had his suspicions as to what that could be. The truth was though, that he didn’t want to think about it. After both himself and the wolf had gotten a good deal of exercise Luckas found and shot a small wild boar, dragging the animal back to camp and occupying himself with skinning and gutting the animal; a task made rather difficult by Stalker constantly poking his nose trying to snatch himself some innards or a hunk of meat. It was only after Luke had given in and let the wolf have the boar’s heart that he was able to work in peace. So, as the sun was almost about to set, he rested under the shadows of the tree as the pork roasted over the fire. He’d not seen Ess since he made off into the forest with Stalker, but he was sure she would turn up soon and didn’t think it was necessary to go find her... At least not yet. Besides, even a psychotic stalker can enjoy having a quiet moment to himself from time to time.

“Mister Aiden been looking for that, you know.” A curious voice sounded in Luke’s ears causing him to look around a couple of times in confusion until he caught sight of Lily standing there pointing at the crossbow that lay at his feet.

“You don’t say. Well...” Luckas pushed himself away from the tree and crouched down to the girl’s eye level. “When you next see Beast Boy, you can tell him he’s more than welcome to come and get it.” He spoke, smirking deviously at the girl momentarily before standing up and leaning back against the tree. “Isn’t it past your bedtime or something, Miss Lily? When the sun goes away... that’s when the monsters come out of the shadows looking for pretty little girls, much like yourself... And they grind their bones to make bread... It’s quite tasty, I’ve heard.”
The girl simply chuckled at Luckas, occupying herself with scratching behind Stalker’s ears, the wolf more than happy with the attention. “Jason says that’s just a story, you can’t make bread with bones.”

“No, but you can try... Maybe no one told the monsters that and that’s why they keep trying.” Luckas replied with a snicker.

“You’re silly.” Lily answered, looking up at Luckas and giggling as Stalker whined at her for more scritches.

“Have I not mentioned, Miss Lily? I am quite a gifted fool; everyone always tells me so.” Luckas snickered.

“Have you got any more?” She asked, a bit excitedly.
“More what?” Luckas asked, sincerely confused by what the girl was referring to exactly.

“Stories, silly. Do you know any more?” Lily’s expression turned into a very accurate impersonation of Mageria’s severe glare. “You promised a story if you were still here, remember? And you’re here.”

“Ah.” Luckas arched an eyebrow at the girl and nodded. “Most of my stories are not for little girls, Miss Lily. I’m not sure I have any more to tell, to be honest.”

“Whyyy?” Lily asked, seeming even more curious now. “Are they scary? I won’t be scared, no one’s checked my bed for monsters in almost a year!”

“Almost a year, eh?” Luckas asked, amused. “I’m sure you are very brave, little Miss, but I still think it’s best if we save the monster stories for when you’re a bit older.”

“Doesn’t have to be a monster story, can be any story.” The girl argued, smiling at Luckas.

“Hmm... I don’t know...” Luckas mumbled, finding it a bit difficult to just say no to the kid, after all; he did promise. A promise is a promise.

“Pleease Mister Luckas... Just one story... Doesn’t even have to be a very big story... Can be a really little one.” She insisted, Stalker emitting a few sympathetic whines, staring up at Luckas with his big dark puppy eyes. “You said you would.”

Luckas ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling up his dark locks a few times as he sighed softly and muttered. “Alright, you’re right, I did promise... One little story, and that’s it, okay?”

“Okay!” Lily exclaimed, bouncing excitedly and starting to run off. “I’ll go tell everyone!”
“Wait... Everyone? What...” Luckas mumbled, still scratching the back of his head in confusion as he watched Lily run off to gather all the children.

“So much for enjoying a quiet moment.” Luckas muttered to himself as all the kids gathered around Ess’ campfire, oddly quiet as they sat in a semicircle, facing the oak and staring at him in wait. Lily and Jason were the only kids that had ever been brave enough to interact with Luckas on their own. The others were always sheltered by their little pack. Most of their names Luke had never really bothered to learn. Not only the children, but Puppy, Ward, and a few of the guard had stopped to listen in; seemed as though Lily had really told EVERYONE.

Stalker remained seated at Luke’s side as he stood against the tree, in the same spot, silently looking around as if in search of something, almost as if he didn’t notice there were other people there. This went on for a good while, until some of the kids were already on the last of their restraint and starting to exchange curious whispers amongst themselves. Finally Luckas moved, rather abruptly as if he was snapping out of a trance. “Alright!” He exclaimed, bouncing for a couple of steps and dropping down onto the ground to sit facing the children. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?” He started, picking up a twig that was lying beside him on the ground and calmly waiting while Stalker sniffed his way around the group of children and finally settled down beside him. “First some ground rules: Don’t interrupt me, if you have questions save them for later, if you get bored or frightened, just get up and leave, if you get thirsty, hungry, sleepy, or need to go pee pee, find someone from the Guard, because I’m not going to help you with that. Are we clear? Good.” He smiled as the kids nodded their agreement, idly tracing lines on the ground with the twig he’d picked up. “There are sixteen deities in Valcrest mythology; deities means ‘Gods’ for those of you who don’t know the word, and mythology is a fancy name for ‘stories about Gods’. Anywho... There are sixteen Gods, Mother and Father and their fourteen Twins. The Myths are filled with pretty stories that teach important life lessons to little kids and most adults would tell you one of those, but... I think you guys aren’t too young to learn a little about Lady Death. Most people still think that the best way to deal with Death is to pretend it’s not out there, and not talk about it unless they have to, but one of my favorite stories when I started reading the myths was about how humans were given the gift of mortality. See, back when the Twins first came to Valcrest and one by one they granted humans their gifts, people had never truly known Death. Even though all her siblings had given gifts, except for Life but we’re not talking about him; that’s a different story, Death refused to give the humans any gift. She said people weren’t ready for what she had to give, that they wouldn’t like it, but the humans were greedy and they were curious to know what Death’s gift was, so they insisted. One young man in particular, let’s call him Lionel, spent a lot of his time attempting to reason with Death and convince her to grant humans her gift. He insisted so much and for so long that one day Death finally gave in and told Lionel to bring his whole family and meet her in this nearby cave at nightfall. Lionel agreed, so as night came he and his family walked to the cave where Death said she would be waiting for them. As soon as they entered they saw Death, and in front of her there was a wooden table, on the table there was an hourglass filled with golden sand. ‘This is my gift’, Death said, pointing at the hourglass. Lionel and his family were confused, they had been given time already. When they questioned Death, the Goddess smirked and explained that time wasn’t the gift; the humans had all the time they needed, and the hourglass itself also wasn’t the gift. Since they still looked confused she explained that she and Brother Time had crafted that hourglass and that it didn’t mark the passing of time like a normal hourglass, but in a way only she herself would understand. Death looked straight into Lionel’s eyes and asked if he was absolutely sure he wanted the gift; she reminded him of all the warnings she had given and repeated that they wouldn’t like it. Lionel held Death’s gaze, and persisted. He wanted the gift. So... Death flipped the hourglass. At first nothing happened, the golden sand stayed in the top half of the hourglass, not a single grain dropped as if Time had frozen still. Then Death smiled and explained that from the moment she had flipped the hourglass, time had become limited for all creatures in Valcrest and every time a grain of the golden sand dropped it meant someone’s time had run out. Then she told Lionel that he had been given pretty much everything and instead of enjoying what he had he chose to spend his time chasing after yet another gift, not caring what it actually was and that the time he wasted would never come back. That her gift to mankind was to simply make it so everything else they were given was fully appreciated. Her gift to humanity was to allow them to look at the world bearing the knowledge that nothing lasts forever. She then told Lionel that she had asked him to bring his family so that they could pass along the message. When Death finished her explanation, a moment of silence passed and then... The first grain of golden sand dropped, and as it hit the bottom of the hourglass Lionel also dropped, lifeless, to the floor. Death then told Lionel’s family that the hourglass didn’t mark the passing of time like a normal hourglass; there was no way to predict when another grain of Golden Sand would drop. From that moment on the human race came to know Death.” Luckas went silent for a moment, smirking slightly as he looked over the children one by one. “A lot of people, over the years, since the Twins left Valcrest have searched the land for Death’s cave believing that the hourglass is still there. They believed that if they could break it, they could make the human race immortal again.”

Essence had spent most of her day occupied with the normal routines of training. There was nothing really special about her day for the most part. It was when she had been soaking her feet in the river, that she heard the whispers and chatter of the children. Something had peeked their curiosity in a such a way, that their excitement spread amongst them like a common cold. Tala was lying in the tall grass, Beo and Ward rolling around beside her in a playful battle for dominance. Each time one would conquer and tackle the other it never lasted more than a few seconds before the one at a disadvantage, would wiggle away. Eventually the brother’s rough and chaotic attacks spilled over their mother, Tala seeming barely phased even though they managed to knock her over. Still, the mother wolf just sat there, reacting as if mere flys were buzzing around her head. Occasionally she snapped in the direction of one of her boys, but mostly her ears were perked on alert, listening to the winding down movements of the camp. Ess picked up her feet and stood, grabbing her boots in one hand as someone called to the rusty colored wolf. All three froze, halting their current play before sprinting after the voice. Ess just shrugged and followed from a distance, lazily dragging her feet along the cool shards of grass.

When Essence realized she was being led back to her camp, along with some other men and women of the guard, a mischievous smile traced her lips. Tala and her boys had settled along the tree line where the fire light reached while Ess quietly left her boots beside them and slinked around the shadows to a tree with low branches and shimmied up them. That was when she heard Luckas begin his story. She ever so silently positioned herself adjacent to her Oak tree where she sat along a sturdy branch, dangling her legs so that they were the only thing one could see; the rest of her form hidden in shadow. Ess didn’t move while she and the others listened attentively to Luckas’ words on Lady Death and the curious story of the hourglass. She honestly couldn’t remember hearing it before. It took her back to the nights she would harass her father for stories of her mother but this was different. Still, a childlike awe was frozen upon her face until the moment Luckas paused, Ess rushing to be the first to ask a question before even the children, startling some below her when discovering her presence.

“...If someone were to break the hourglass, why would that make us immortal again? If each spec of golden sand represents one of us, then wouldn’t we all meet Lady Death at the same time? Wouldn’t that be like, ending the world?”

“Maybe that’s why no one has found it.” Lily chimed in.

Essence laughed. “Oh really?”

“Yes, really!” The girl chimed in, standing tall as she spoke. “Maybe someone hid it so that will never happen.”

Some of the other children began agreeing, chatting among themselves until Jason spoke causing the others to fall silent. “...What is done...can not be..undone...If there are people who think they can change it back, then that is just..crazy.”

Luckas was startled for a moment, his thoughts still in the story and the theme behind it. His first instinct was to look for Ess at the sound of her voice, looking upwards and leaning back so that he was nearly lying down on the ground as he stared, amusement in his expression as her question turned into a little debate. He waited until Jason had spoken and a few moments more before finally speaking his mind, shrugging as he scratched Stalker behind the ears. “The hourglass is supposed to represent boundaries, Lady. The amount of sand contained inside a glass is something that can be measured, as opposed to the amount of sand contained... Well... Everywhere else. If it can’t be counted, it’s technically infinite. Like the stars. So, the belief behind the search for the hourglass is that if you break the glass and scatter the sand, our time on this plane becomes infinite again.” He paused, going into another brief moment of thought before nodding. “Jason has a point though, these things can’t be undone... Not in the literal sense anyways. And if someone was to believe the myths to be true, several of them mention that something created by the hands of the Gods can’t be broken. So even if someone could find the hourglass; if it was actually in a cave somewhere, it couldn’t be broken. It would just be a constant reminder that people everywhere are dying.” Luke chuckled, shaking his head. “Then, denial is the first stage of grief for a reason, a great part of humanity has been unable to move on for a very long time.”

Several things went through Essence’s mind at the same time. Many of which she did not voice as she glanced around at the children’s faces, wondering if this was even an appropriate story topic. It was unavoidable though. Death was a part of life. Ess sighed, a grumble of sorts coming from above before she pushed herself off the branch to land just beside Luckas’ feet. “...Like we need a reminder that people are dying..” She breathed, her voice not carrying to where the children sat. Clearing her throat she spoke up this time. “I don’t think it’s denial. We see death every day. We eat the deer and the rabbit and they have to die in order for us to live, no? People grow old and pass on.”

“Right...everyone will die one day.” Jason added, wrapping a comforting arm around Lily as her eyes widened at the thought. Ess turned so she was facing the girl, kneeling down to sit beside her. “..For every death...every time a soul leaves this land, another one is born. Another life enters in it’s place. When you grow up Lily, one day, you will have children and I believe, in a way, that is the loophole to mortality. I believe that we carry those lives inside us and pass them down to our children and our children’s children and thus, we are still immortalized in a way. In a way, we still live forever. We take the good and the bad; the beauty and ugliness with us, just like stories you read in a book.” Ess paused, smiling at Lily, brushing her bangs from her face. “But that is just what I belive, Lily. The purpose of this is for you to think of what you believe too. But if you think too much you may never fall asleep, hmm?” Ess’ internal voice continued on in her personal rant, her eyes moving past the girl and staring off into empty space. 'Maybe, they are the shadows we love and fear. Maybe those shadows are the souls of generations past...watching….waiting. A reminder that they are apart of us and always with us..' Ess was startled out of her mini trance to two tiny arms strangling her in a tight hug, muttering her goodnights as some of the other guardsmen were trying to coax the children to turn in for the evening.

“Good night Miss Ess! You did a real good job of talking about heaven...I think. Where we go after we die to see our family again.” Lily smiled brightly, running over towards Luckas to say her good nights, Ess only realizing what she was doing when she was just out of arm’s reach, a surprised expression crossing her face.

Luckas didn’t do more than mumble under his breath here and there while Ess spoke. He knew well enough that it wouldn’t be very appropriate to speak his mind about some things in front of the kids. So he kept to himself, doodling on the dirt with the stick he still held in his hand for some random reason, his expression seeming a bit confused as he seemed to be thinking hard on what he was hearing. Shaking his head as though arguing with himself Luke stood, wiping the dirt from his pants as he casually checked on the pork that was roasting over the fire. He was turning away from the fire pit when he caught Lily running at him for a hug. Luke stepped back, nearly tripping over the fire, but catching his balance as he held the girl back with a gesture. Crouching down to the girl’s eye level, Luckas smiled and said something to her in a whisper, winking playfully. Whatever he said wiped the confusion from the girl’s face and caused a short burst of giggles. “Night, silly!” Lily exclaimed, ruffling Luke’s hair and running off to join the other children. Luckas snickered as he watched the kids wander off to retire for the night, his smile fading to a more contemplative expression as he wondered if maybe he should have chosen a different story. Returning to his usual spot by the oak, he sat heaving a small sigh, eyeing Ess curiously as he spoke. “You know, your speech might have killed the point of my story, but that was probably for the best anyway. I should’ve probably gone for something more traditional and boring like... pffft... Dragons and knights and whatever... Lily kind of caught me off guard though and I suppose Death is just what comes naturally.”

Essence quirked a brow at Luckas when he managed to thwart Lily’s attempt at a hug, wondering what he had said to her to make her giggle and run off. Gradually her expression softened to a more defensive, perplexed frown. “I thought it was a good story, Luckas. I thought you made many points in it, but not all I felt like bringing up in front of the kids. At least not Lily.” Ess sighed, turning to stand in search of her boots she had left behind. “I’ll stay quiet next time...Hmph..” She groaned, noting that one boot was now missing and when she stepped into the shadows in search for it she found Beo’s snout burrowed deep into the leather. Instead of snapping her fingers or calling his name to grab his attention, Essence casually tip toed around the wolf, tackling Beo from behind, the wolf’s snout falling further into the boot so now it was wedged over his face. Beo whined, rolling over in an attempt to pry the boot from his face. She laughed at the confused yet sweet look in his eyes as she reached over and scratched under his chin before tugging the boot free from her furry friend. “Mine…”

Luckas snickered simply as Ess said she’d stay quiet next time. “Well, I don’t really plan on there being a next time, but if there were to be a next time, know that that’s not what I meant, and if I had meant it like that, I honestly doubt you would actually stay quiet. Personally, I think the point of stories is to say difficult things in a way that kids will understand when they think back on them years later, but if we were to get into what points a story like this brings up they’d probably handle it better than most adults we know. That’s one of the reasons kids annoy me much less than adults do.” Luckas shrugged, standing up from his seat and picking up the crossbow he had left in the ground, disappearing with it in the bushes for a while as he continued. “Miss Lily will grow up eventually, I like the thought of her looking back on this as a nice reminder of a time when stories were just stories and nothing more.” He added, returning to his spot under the shadows of the oak, now empty handed and snickering under his breath as he leaned against the tree. He stood in silence for a moment, once again lost in a moment of thought. “I’m curious though, Lady. How do you see Death’s gift? From what you said it still seems to me like you’re also trying to find immortality in some way, even if not literal, but maybe I just didn’t understand all that well.”

Essence sighed, nodding some as Luckas spoke before turning back to sit by the fire. She stirred the coals as if contemplating to add more wood to the flames. “Is..it wrong of me...to want her to keep her innocence as long as possible?” Ess whispered. “..Until there is a reason to shatter her sweetness…” She paused, smiling as the wolfs settled down at her feet, resting their heads upon their paws to also stare into the firelight. “..Death is suppose to be a release. It is a blessing, a gift but also a curse. In one light, it ends suffering and pain. In another, it is the central cause of it all. But isn’t that what being human is? Living and enduring pain? It’s a balance. For something to live something else must die. If we were immortal, then those who are truly…’Evil' would be left to roam the land and never stop…” Essence choked, as if something were momentarily stuck in her throat before she continued. “..Which is why those who I have...hunted...do not go easily...They don’t deserve that release. Eventually though it becomes apparent that their death is not about how their suffering comes to an end...but sparing someone else that torment.”

Looking up from the flames, the light dancing in her pupils, she stared over a Luckas. “Some days I want that release...some days I fear it. It’s not even the dying the scares me...It’s if my death would matter...and I don’t know what is more scary. If it were to matter or not. I’ve felt both. One is empty and painful and the other is just agonizing, but not empty.” A sweet smile spread across her lips as she reached down to run her fingers between Tala’s ears. “Like I said...it was a good story, my dear Luckas.”

“I never said you were wrong, Lady, but I think sometimes you mistake innocence with ignorance... I can’t blame you, there’s a very fine line between one and the other that makes it pretty difficult to tell the difference.” Luckas replied calmly, his eyes glancing at his surroundings as he heard movement in the shadows just out of the firelight’s reach, noting that Stalker was nowhere to be seen. “If I believed I had the right to want anything for those kids, I’d want them to not look at death as a release from life, or a punishment for people who don’t deserve life, or a journey; the end or the beginning of one, doesn’t matter. I’d want them to see death for its actual purpose; which is to make it so our time actually means something. Have you ever thought to yourself, or said the words ‘now or never’? What meaning would they have if time wasn’t an issue? What would it matter what you do today, or tomorrow, if you have countless todays and tomorrows to actually make something of yourself? I think the simplest way to be optimistic is to understand that we are born and we die and everything else in between will either count for something or not depending on our actions. If I were to wish anything for Miss Lily, it would be that. Because that is a view on life that may actually not disappoint her completely once she’s old enough to notice just how often shit happens.” Luckas sighed and fell silent for a few moments, listening in on the ruffling in the bushes and wondering what Stalker was up to that was making so much noise. “I don’t want to die, Lady, now more than ever I don’t want to die, but Death by itself will never scare me. Not enough time, not enough said and done, maybe, but not Death. Death is a certainty, Life is doubt; it’s Life that will always scare me most.” As he finished speaking the sound of a low growl caught Luke’s attention and he spotted Stalker waking into the lit area of the camp, slowly dragging the crossbow Luckas had just taken the time to hide in the woods. “Aw, damn it... That wasn’t for you to find, Stalker.” Luckas frowned at the wolf, unable to actually hold a severe expression for too long. “That’s not for you.” He repeated, crouching to poke the wolf’s snout playfully. “Not. For. You.” Turning his attention from the wolf and back to Ess Luckas added. “Tell me something, Lady... Do you believe our time together would really be as meaningful if we weren’t absolutely certain it will eventually end?”

Ess snorted somewhere in between annoyance and amusement, “...I know plenty of ignorance…” Her tone carried a bit of bitterness as she thought on those words as if she held personal resentment towards it like it were a person. A subtle ache crept from her belly to her chest, remembering how often she thought of both innocence and ignorance when she use to look at Jake when they were young. Shaking her head she brought her focus back on the present. “Maybe I am not explaining myself in the correct way...I think I agree with you..in many ways. Yet, I am unsure how to answer your question. I don’t deny all things come to an end and I don’t try to pretend they don’t. With that said, I also don’t sit here and dwell on how it will end and that is not why I hold certain moments so dear. I feel things are as meaningful as we make them if we had all the time in the world or not. It is true though...people tend to waste less time when they live in the moment and not...for it.” Ess’ voice faded as she thought outloud, not purposely trying to hide her words but at the same time not trying to let the world hear her either. “...Maybe that’s my problem..” Essence stood, leaning towards the boar that was still hoisted over the fire and closed her eyes, breathing deeply the aroma. “No. I don’t think our time together would be less meaningful if we didn’t know one day it would end. I do think things are a bit more appreciated, to know it wasn’t all a dream..even if it feels like it can be..” Opening her eyes again she smiled. “Why so interested in what I think, hm? What do you think?”

Luckas nodded as he listened to what Ess had to say although, as usual, he wasn’t sure how much of it he actually understood. He didn’t think it was worth to keep disagreeing on the matter, because when it came to Death it actually didn’t matter. “I already said what I think; death in itself is necessary. If people truly understood its purpose and were actually able to see how precious time actually is I think not nearly as much of it would have been wasted fighting over nothing. And when have I ever been anything less than interested in your opinions, Lady? I usually prefer listening to your opinions than my own... And I can’t say that about most people.”

Luckas took a few moments to silently scratch behind Stalker’s ears. “I don’t think anything in life would hold the same meaning if it could last forever. It’s like saying a loaf of bread has the same value to a nobleman who has never known hunger than to a kid who has to risk his life on the streets for said bread. Sure it’s the same bread, it tastes the same, but it’s worth a hundred times more for someone who knows what it’s like to not see proper food in weeks. Looking back to the story, if that Lionel guy knew that his time was ending, would he have felt it was worth spending chasing after something that may possibly be unpleasant to him? He was warned that he wouldn’t like what he would get, he insisted because he believed there was nothing to lose.”

[The Manor, Otium 18 - Early morning]

Luckas groaned as something collided forcefully with his ribs. He rolled around into fetal position and muttered at whatever it was to piss off, only fully waking up with the sharp pain of someone’s boot striking the middle of his back.

“I said get your ass off the fucking floor!”

Luckas vaguely recognized the male voice, opening one eye to see the redhead boy who’d accompanied him to the Ball. “Fuck off Amber.”

Amber responded by kicking him again. “I can do this all day, fuckface.”

“Fine.” Luckas snorted, sitting up and rubbing the back of his neck. “Give me a moment.” He groaned, pushing himself up. It had just dawned on him he’d spent the night in the hall outside Sam’s door. Her door still closed behind Amber’s back.

“Don’t even think about it. Sammy’s resting and you absolutely can’t see her.” She silenced Luckas with a dangerous glare before he had the chance to argue. “No. I don’t care what you said, or what you did, Dickhead... Here’s what I do know; you hurt her. She’s hurt. So you don’t decide when you see her. You don’t camp outside her door. And you don’t whine for her to forgive you, you pathetic little shit. She’ll come to you whenever the fuck she’s good and ready.”

Luckas flinched at Amber’s behavior. She was serious; one hundred percent serious. Luckas didn’t think he’d ever seen her utter more than a sentence without breaking out in giggles. “I...”

“One more thing, Bitchface... Whatever it is you said; or did, she wouldn’t say and I don’t want to know... If you do it again... So help me, I’ll destroy everything you hold dear in every single way imaginable and I have a fucking vivid imagination. I’d probably start off with that little birdie Marcus has caged in the city. See what your Lady thinks of you if I send a Raven’s head to her with your name on it, Lukey.”

Luke’s fists clenched so tight his nails sank into his palms, but his voice remained calm as he answered. “That threat is... Unnecessary.” He muttered.

“Oh, I don’t think it is.” Amber snorted. “See, Lukey, I’m a free spirit... I like to go along with whatever Life throws at me. I’m not easily affected by things. So believe me when I say; you are far from seeing me angry. I’m as tolerant of your shit as Sammy is; for the most part. I keep you alive, I protect you from Zeke, all... Well, partly because it’s fun, but for the most part because it’s what she wants. The moment that changes... You’re gonna have problems like you’ve never had before; are we clear?”

“Very.” Luckas muttered.

“Good.” Amber smiled sweetly. “You have a pretty face, I’d be sad if I had to tear it off.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“Love ya too, Lukey.”

“Tell me something.”

“Okay... So this one time, Lizzy and I sneaked into Amara’s room with a bucket of pig tripe and some rope and...”

“No... Amber... I have a question!”

“Oh. Why didn’t you just say that?” She frowned. “Well, your loss. That was a good story.”

Luckas groaned under his breath, starting to walk off towards the opposite end of the hall. “Why are you and Sammy so close? What are you to her?”

“Who am I? That’s an awfully personal question, don’t you think, Lukey? I mean, I think if I told you that I might have to kill you... Okay, maybe I wouldn’t have to, but I might want to... Are you sure you really want to know?”

“Yes, I want to know.”

Amber glared intensely at Luckas, not in anger like before, but in a more inspecting way. “Alright,” she agreed, grabbing Luckas by the front of his shirt and dragging him along to her room, closing the door behind them. “You can sit anywhere, if you’re brave enough.”

Amber’s room was, for the most part, a mess of empty and half empty vials, assorted blades and suspicious stains. Upon entering Luckas immediately gagged as a pungent smell of rot invaded his senses. “What the hell is that stench?”

“Hm. Good question.” Amber mumbled, pulling a box from under her bed and rummaging through it. “The fish are still fresh, so it can’t be that. Unless there’s some leftover from the last batch... Sometimes Seth comes in here and drags one under the bedside table.”

“Fis-...” Luckas began to mumble, noting the bucket of fish placed by the door as though that was a perfectly normal place to keep fish. “Of course.”

Amber didn’t seem to give the smell any more thought and simply continued searching the box until she pulled out a file bound in leather. “Here.”

“What is that?”

“My file. All Branded have one.” She answered, matter-of-factly as she flipped through it. “I stole mine about two years ago after I remembered some things from before. Sammy let me keep it.” She pulled a sheet of parchment from the middle of it and handed it to Luckas. “Read this.”

I, Amber Jacobson, hereby declare that I have requested and chosen to undergo the process of Imprinting with full understanding that it is a painful, possibly lethal, and irreversible procedure.

I have been fully informed of, and agreed to undergo, the process of ‘conditioning’ for a period of time seen fit by my handler. I have been fully informed of, and agreed to pledge my allegiance and my Life to, this Brotherhood.

At the end of the note there was the date Amber’s signature.

“Not all of us have had a choice, of course, but those who seek out The Order or request an Imprint, have to write down one of these.” Amber said, taking the document back from Luckas. “You want to know my story, Lukey? I was born in Newhaven, my mother was a... ‘servant’... in the house Sammy’s dear ol’ Dad owned there. See that man, he was not one to respect the Brotherhood’s customs. Once one of the Master’s children manifests an enlightenment he is not supposed to produce any more. Dear ol’ Dad though found it simpler to just get rid of his little buggers once they were out instead of just... preventing them. Thus, I was not supposed to be alive. However, my mother had more than one. And when the executioners came she picked one at random and hid. That was me. My poor little brother didn’t quite have my luck. He was crier, and so it would be pointless to hide him. I was snucked out somehow... Bounced around from shit hole to shit hole... As the children of nobodies tend to do... And at age ten I ended up here... in the lower levels, wearing grey.” Amber put her file away and sat on her bed, staring up at Luckas without any trace of any discernible human emotion. “Things happened to me, as you know they do, down there. I toughed it out sometimes... I fought back others... One particular time it got really bad. I already told you this part. I bit back, thought I was gonna die, but I woke in the sick ward and Sammy was there. She says... She says she saw me and she knew. She knew who I was. She said she felt responsible for me.... That she owed me a life. Any life I wanted.”

“And this is what you chose?” Luke questioned.

“In a manner of speaking.” Amber shrugged. “She asked me what I wanted. Anything. I said I wanted to be someone; anyone, else. She said she could do that, but I needed to be sure. She explained what Imprinting was, what it entailed, that it might kill me. I had nothing better to do with my life. What else would I ask for? I’m perfectly content to serve the Order Lukey. I was never forced into this. I chose. Good thing I did, because clearly Sammy needs me.”

“So you and Sammy are...”

“Sisters. Yes.” Amber snorted. “No one knows, not even Zeke, and no one is to know. Needless to say I’ll consider you personally responsible if word gets around.”

“Far from me to let that happen.” Luke said, frowning at her threat. “Do all Branded have files like that?”

“Well... Most do. You and Matthew, however... I’m afraid not. Sammy destroyed your files while she was trying to hide you from Dad. You were both thoroughly erased from the Order’s records.” She smirked. “Trust me; I looked.”

“If your father was Sammy’s father that means...”

“My blood was tainted; yes. My chances of surviving the imprint were only a little bit above zero and the process was not without risks for her either because of that. As I’ve said before, Sammy saved my life. She says she’s responsible for me, but not the way I see it. She could have left me to die. I wouldn’t have blamed her.”

“Doesn’t it affect you then; this illness?”

“No. The Imprint changes your blood, Luckas. I’m no longer tainted, and I’d appreciate it if you never bring that up again.” She muttered.

“Fine. Sorry.” Luke chuckled, holding up his hands. “I won’t bring it up again.”

“Good. If you know all you wanted to know, Lukey... Piss off, will ya? I have some fun things to do that in no way involve you.”

Luckas snorted, turning and leaving the room immediately. Once in the hall he took a long deep breath, glancing at Sam’s end of the hall, but eventually heading for the stairs. He needed to walk.

--------------

[Desert, Otium 18 - Early Morning]

”Why do we wear red, little brother?”

Dastan mumbled his answer, his voice muffled by warm sand.

“What was that?”

The six year old pushed himself to his hands and knees, repeating his answer as he got back on his feet, wooden sword tightly wrapped by a clenched fist. “Warriors bleed.”

“Warriors bleed.” Tarek repeated. “But we never let it show.”

Blades sang as they sliced open the air in the arena, steel clashing into living darkness as two mirrored warriors danced around each other in the sand. Every move Dastan made was mirrored by his shadow, and its dark blades posed an impenetrable obstacle for the mercenary’s relentless strikes.

Despite the fear that had plagued the Crimson Shadows’ encampment after the Eclipse, some of the bravest younglings had posted themselves around the training area to watch the man’s ‘spar’. Most of them had never seen Dastan wield his blades before, they’d only heard of his skill, and curiosity spoke to them much louder than fear.

The silence echoing through the empty arena, disrupted only by clashing steel, resonated like an eerie melody; one that only Dastan himself truly knew. It echoed in his bones with each strike of his blade, it coursed through his veins with every beat of his heart. It poured out of him with every single drop of sweat and every ragged breath.

”I’m not ready.” Dastan muttered.

“Neither am I,” Vikram answered, “but it’s important you learn now. No one lives forever, little brother. One day it’ll be me in there. Who will free my spirit then, if not you?”

Dastan swallowed hard and nodded to his brother’s words. “Okay.”

“It’ll be alright, just say it after me.”

Dastan stood awkwardly beside his brother as Vikram raised the torch. Lying motionless in the unlit pyre was their eldest brother. Tarek looked asleep if not for the large brown-ish red taint on his shirt. Vikram’s voice was muffled in the back of Dastan’s mind, drowned out by a persistent ringing that filled his ears and head with a dull ache. Even so, he managed to repeat his brother’s prayer word for word.

Tarek had bled through in the end. Enough for all to see. And Dastan had always remembered his brother for that one advice: warriors bleed. As for hiding it... Sometimes that just wasn’t an option.

Dastan stumbled back as his swords struck the shadow’s blades with a bit too much force, the golem mimicking his moves and taking a couple of clumsy steps back. Dastan lowered his swords for a moment, his eyes flickering back to their usual brown before being overtaken with a thick black fog. The shadow’s void features shifted to ones more resembling that of Dastan, dark orbs flickering back at him amidst his clones’ dark features. Dastan buried his blades into the soft sand, removing both his cape and shirt, spreading his arms to the shadow golem, a smirk crossing his features as he whispered. “In honor of our fallen Brothers we ignite this flame...” The shadow advanced quickly towards Dastan, dark blades rising as it rushed in his direction. “...That it may consume these now broken vessels and return them to the Earth from which they came...” Dastan twisted his body away as the shadow’s right blade jabbed at his chest, ducking underneath its next attack, pulling one of his blades from the sand and raising it over his head to block yet another strike. “Send these spirits soaring free into Air’s loving embrace...” He continued to mutter as he kicked at the shadow’s knees knocking it off its footing long enough for him to retrieve his second sword and roll to his feet.

“May their memory linger forever within ours...” His voice sounded louder, a lingering growl underneath his words as he fended off yet another attack. “May their Fire ever guide us...” He slipped underneath another slash, bringing his right sword upwards towards the shadow’s face, meeting resistance and retaliation from the golem, the shadow’s attacks now quicker and more furious, twice barely missing the mercenary’s naked chest. “Now and forever...” Dastan stumbled as the shadow broke through his guard and struck him in the face with the hilt of its sword. “Until the end of our days.” He ended the prayer and regained balance, planting both feet firmly on the ground and rushing into the shadow, blades clashing in a series of furious blows. What had started as a simple exercise had now devolved into a rage-fueled battle, the mercenary dancing with his shadow in a chaotic and brutal display. The fight coming to a sudden end when the shadow managed to sweep kick Dastan’s feet right from under him, burying both its blades into the mercenary’s chest the moment his back hit the ground.

The Crimson boys yelped in shock and surprise as the shadow stabbed into Dastan and then faded, the man remaining on the ground on his back, motionless. They stared at each other for a moment as if wondering whether to run and get someone or check for themselves whether the man was still alive. Eventually the small group paced towards their fallen leader with hesitant steps, stopping in their tracks as they noticed the man didn’t seem wounded in the slightest. One of them dared a step closer and leaned over Dastan, immediately startling as the man’s eyes snapped open, still entirely black.

“Boo.” Dastan whispered, smirking at the younglings. Sending all but one running off immediately. He sat up staring at the one boy who didn’t run. “You kids are not supposed to be out here without a trainer.”

“There are no trainers left.” The boy shrugged.

Dastan sighed. “True, but you’re still not allowed in the training area, for obvious reasons.” He stared up at the boy. “Andrew, isn’t it?”

“Yessir.”

“You’re not as impressionable as your friends, I see.” Dastan snickered. “Not sure whether that’s stupid or smart of you.”

“I’m not sure either.” Andrew said, his eyes scanning Dastan from head to toe. “You’re not hurt?”

“Of course not, kid.” Dastan laughed, jumping to his feet. “You don’t think I’m suicidal, do you? That’s rather counter-productive... As Indrani would say. No... For now it seems I had the situation entirely under control. The healer girl was right; I’m not dangerous yet.”

“Jackson said someone else caused the eclipse.” Andrew said, his tone slightly questioning.

“That seems to be the most plausible scenario.” Dastan nodded, beginning to pace in the direction of the encampment.

“Are we going after them?” Andrew asked.

“I am.” Dastan replied.

“Alone? Why?” Andrew argued. “We all suffered losses, Shaykh.”

“Not alone. There are other people already going after them, I plan to join them.” Dastan put one hand on the boy’s shoulder. “I understand your outrage, kid, but the clan needs to heal and being involved in this only ought to make things worse.”

“I guess.” Andrew sighed. “I just... I wish I could help.”

“You can help.” Dastan smiled. “My sister, your mother... All the others... They’ll need your help. Help them. Don’t wait for them to ask, just do it.”

Andrew nodded in agreement. They both walked in silence until they walked past the stables and the kid stopped. “Isn’t she supposed to be in bed rest?”

Dastan frowned as he followed Andrew’s gaze to Indrani, leaning against the fence by the horse enclosure. “Like I sad, the girl needs help.” He muttered. “Go on and find your mum, kid. I’ll handle this.”

Dastan parted ways with Andrew and walked over to Indrani, leaning against the fence beside her. “What are you doing? You’re not supposed to be walking around.”

“I talked Jackson into carrying me.” Indrani mumbled, staring off at Mirage and the other horses running around inside the fence. “I was sick of lying around that dusty place. I want to sleep in my tent tonight.”

Dastan was about to argue that Indrani shouldn’t be standing either, but stopped himself when he caught the tone of her voice. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” Indrani muttered.

“Come on now, we both know that when you say ‘nothing’ it means literally everything.” Dastan argued. “Tell me.”

Indrani lowered her head until it was touching the fence, a silent sob shaking her. “I don’t want to talk about this with you... Just... Leave it, Dastan.”

Dastan sighed, carefully putting one arm around his sister’s shoulders and pulling her to him. “I can’t leave it... You... Like this.” He whispered.

Indrani sighed, turning to her brother and wrapping her arms around him. “Why are you never wearing a shirt?” She muttered.

“For the ladies.” Dastan snickered. “Indi...”

“Why did no one tell me about Sean sooner?” She mumbled.

“Oh...” Dastan sighed. “Annie’s decision.”

“What?”

“We were only supposed to wait until the fever broke, but... I thought I shouldn’t be the one to tell you and... Jackson couldn’t seem to find a way to...” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I should have...”

“Dastan, I... Doesn’t matter...”

“I hated the guy, but I know how much he meant to you... And I can’t shake the feeling that what happened was in part my fault.”

“Twins, Dastan, don’t...” Indrani protested, clinging to him as her voice cracked and another wave of sobs overtook her. “Don’t... Say that... None of this is your fault!”

“Sean was never behind that attack, and, after this... Someone’s out to hurt me, sis and I feel like I’ve dragged the rest of you down with me. I...”

“Dastan... Stop, just... Stop...” She grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him down so his forehead was pressed to hers. “Look at me... I made a lot of mistakes; with you, with Sean, and they are mine to live with. I should never have acted behind your back... I should have given him a chance. I can’t take that back and it... It’s killing me, but... You did nothing wrong. Do you understand me? And if someone is out to hurt you... Heavens save them... Because once I’m healed I will rip their hearts out. You are my family; my home... I won’t let them take you.”

“Remember...” Dastan started, taking Indrani’s hands in his and slowly lowering them. “When you were six years old and you heard that Jackson broke my arm in training? You didn’t care that it was an accident, or if he was sorry... You chased him down and beat on him so hard you sprained your wrist...” He chuckled. “You were always the strong one. Always the fighter.” He kissed Indrani’s forehead and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. “But this is where I need you to be strong for me. Because this... Is one battle you can’t fight.” He paused, his voice failing as he felt his sister sob against him. “I need you here, Indrani. I need you here because one way or another I am coming home. And if... If it comes to that... Who will free my spirit... If not you?”

“Don’t say that! Don’t...”

“No one lives forever, little sister. Just promise me you’ll be here.”

“Dastan...”

“Please.” He whispered. “I need you to do this for me.”

“I... I promise.”

Dastan silently held Indrani, letting her cry on him for as long as she wanted. Pulling away once her sobbing subsided, calmly wiping at her tears as she stared up at him. “Remember, sis, no matter what happens... I will always love you. And even if I die tomorrow, I will always take care of you. Always. That’s a promise.”

---------

[Desert, Otium 18 - Afternoon]

The entirety of the Crimson Shadows; those still apt to wield swords and fight, had gathered near the edge of their territory at the sight of the cloaked teenager. Donovan looked much older than the last time he’d been there; even if it hadn’t been all that long ago that he’d tried and failed to strike Crys down in the center of that camp. He was clearly not the only one who remembered that incident.

“What do you want here, Wolf?”

Donovan opened his cloak wide and rose his hands; one empty and the other clutching an envelope. “May I please see your Commander, Jackson? I have a message for her.”

“No, you may not. I think we can both agree she’s been through enough.”

“Yes, she has, but then so have I.” Doni spoke calmly. “I’ve just buried the last of my family, and Sean may not have been the greatest of people, but he was my brother and I will honor his wishes; or die trying.” The young Alpha sighed softly. “If she tells me to leave, then I will burn this letter and go, but you’ll at least allow me to hear it from her.”

Jackson didn’t seem very willing to listen, neither did most of the mercenaries around. A handful of Crimson Shadows could still take on a lone Wolf; Doni knew that, but he was standing his ground nonetheless. “Come on, man; we’ve all seen more than enough bloodshed lately.”

“Jackson... Let the boy through.” Dastan commanded, the Crimson leader emerging from the temple with a heavy travel bag slung across his shoulders, sturdy boots on his feet, and both swords sheathed at his waist.

“Yes, Shaykh.” Jackson muttered, turning his back on Donovan without further addressing him, his fellow Crimson follow in his example.

Donovan put his hands down, shaking his head in sincere disappointment at the whole situation. “Suppose I should get used to this kind of reception.” He snorted.

“When you have no actions to your name those around you are bound to judge your brother’s, Little Fletcher.” The man smirked. “It’ll not last forever.”

“Hopefully not.” Donovan shrugged.

“For what is worth, I am sorry for your loss, Alpha.”

“And I yours Shaykh.” Donovan responded, confused at Dastan addressing him by title.

Dastan snickered when Donovan seemed puzzled at his use of the title. “Your hand.” He indicated the boy’s ring finger, now adorned with two rings; his still unmarked initiation ring and Dani’s Alpha ring. “I thought you’re not supposed to use ‘em both.”

“We’re not, but...” Donovan shrugged. “Tradition is not to be set in stone, but scribbled in shifting sand.”

Dastan snorted a laugh. “So it is.”He replied, briefly patting the boy on the shoulder. “Perhaps you’ll bring honor back to your name after all, Lil’ Fletcher.”

“We’ll see.” Donovan smirked.

“Well, if it’s Indrani you want she’ll be where the horses are, or in her tent. I trust you know the way.”

“I do. Thank you, Shaykh.”

“Don’t mention it.” Dastan shrugged, walking past the young Alpha and very casually leaving the encampment.

Doni took a moment to observe the fact Dastan was leaving for what seemed like a long while without as much as a word to his brethren, but then figured he was probably taking things out of context. Not like the man to turn his back on anything; Donovan knew that much.

Just as Dastan said, Indrani was stubbornly on her feet, leaning against the fence of the horse enclosure, observing the animals with watchful eyes. Donovan leaned against the fence as well, heaving a long sigh, not knowing what to really say to the woman. “Hey,” he mumbled.

“Hey, Don. Sorry, I missed the funeral. I was otherwise engaged.” Indrani smirked.

“So I’ve heard. I don’t think you were supposed to be on your feet this soon.”

“You sound like my brother.” Indrani snickered. “You can see he’s not exactly won that argument.”

“I do better sounding like your brother than mine.” Donovan mumbled.

“You shouldn’t resent him so much, Doni. Sean loved you, you know that.” Indrani scolded.

“Aye, I have no doubts he did.” Donovan sighed. “I suppose I just wish he hadn’t left me alone to clean up the mess he started.”

“Hm.” Indrani chuckled. “My clan, our ancestors nearly wiped each other out. Our existence, for generations, has been a mess they created. It has not been an easy one, but we don’t resent them, Don, we honor them. It was their mistakes that taught us to be better. Do you understand?”

Donovan heaved a long deep breath, his body relaxing against the wooden fence in the process, his eyes following Indrani’s gaze to the horses. “I guess I do.”

“Good. It’s important for a leader to never shy away from the past, or their own mistakes, Donovan.”

“Hmph... Leader... I don’t know why I thought I could do this. I’m just a kid barely out of training; as everyone so loves to remind me.”

“Have you been challenged yet?” Indrani asked. “If your clan believes you too weak, or unfit, to lead them, they would want to remove you, no?”

“I’m sure they think that, but no one wants to be Alpha right now, Indrani. Not after Sean.”

“Then you have something the others don’t already, no? You’re crazy enough to want the job.”

Donovan laughed under his breath. “That’s true.”

“So there you have it, Alpha.” Indrani smiled, turning to face Donovan with an inspecting gaze. “My, my, look at you Little Fletcher. You’ve changed since I last saw you. If I didn’t know better I’d never guess this is the same ten year old who kept trying to watch me undress.”

“I... No... That was an accident!” Donovan protested, turning very red in the face.

“You’re still a terrible liar.” She smirked. “It’s okay, now, Doni. Boys will do that. Growing up here I’ve seen more than my share of ‘accidents’.”

Donovan frowned, but didn’t argue his case any further. “Have you seen or heard of Ari, by any chance?”

“She hasn’t come looking for me, no. You’re not... You’re not going to brand her a traitor, are you?”

“No. Of course not. I’m the Alpha, I can nullify her oath, but...”

“If you do that she can never go back.” Indrani sighed. “How long do you plan to wait for her?”

“We’re still in mourning. I can give her a month or two. I know... She was very attached to both Sean and Franklin... Losing them both so fast would have taken a large toll on her, but I can’t excuse her leaving without a word. Not indefinitely.”

“I understand. If I see her, I will make sure to let you know.”

“I’d appreciate that.” Donovan smiled. “Look, I have... Sean left something for you and I... I wasn’t sure on whether or not to deliver it, but figured, best you decide for yourself whether or not you want it.” He mumbled, offering her the envelope.

Indrani’s expression immediately shut when her eyes caught the envelope in Donovan’s hand. “I... Doni... Is it true? What they’re saying... Did he...?”

“Sean didn’t kill himself. He wouldn’t...” Donovan answered, his eyes darkening as he lowered them to the ground. “My brother was a lot of things, but he was not that much of a coward. I don’t believe it.”

“I don’t either.” Indrani nodded, taking the envelope from Donovan’s hands. “I appreciate you bringing me this. I...” She sighed. “I should have given him a chance to speak... Sooner... Before things came to this. The very least I can do is accept his words now.”

“Don’t...” Donovan mumbled, reaching out for Indrani’s arm and gripping her wrist for a brief moment. “Don’t blame yourself for that. It wasn’t your fault, what happened. Sean had done more than enough to warrant your mistrust. He knew that well. Please don’t go on thinking you failed him in any way. That’s not true.”

Indrani shook her head at Donovan’s words, a sad smile spreading across her features, her golden eyes watering as she stared at sealed envelope she was holding. “I know that, but knowing and accepting are two very different things.” She let her eyes meet his and her smile changed, her gaze more stern. “You...” She started, grasping his chin. “You’ve grown into a kind man, Doni. I expect you to never let anyone take that from you. Ever. Do you hear me?”

Donovan flinched at her words, nodding his response with an wide-eyed expression.

“Good.” She stated, giving him a brief kiss on the cheek and releasing her grip on his face. “You run on home now, Little Fletcher. I’m sure your clan will be missing you at this point.”

Donovan snorted a laugh, but Indrani did have a point that his absence would have been noticed by now. “I’ll do that.” The young Alpha turned and began walking away from the fence, stopping after a couple of steps to speak over his shoulder. “Oy, Princess... I noticed you’re just a tad bit short on people, so... Don’t hesitate to call on me... Should you need any help in the future. What are friends for after all?”

Indrani stifled a laugh at Donovan’s offer. It was kind of him, but at the same time the Wolfpack was hardly in a good enough shape to go running to anyone’s rescue. She had meant what she said however, Doni seemed to have grown in the Alpha’s shoes rather quickly; whether he realized it or not. There was no doubt in her mind that he would eventually put things back in order.

Indrani breathed deep, holding Sean’s envelope with both hands, and carefully examining the familiar handwriting on the back. She wondered when that letter was written, how long ago, since her friend had refused to see or speak with her after Katelyn’s death. Annie had assured her that Sean didn’t blame her, but Indrani couldn’t quite believe that. After all, she’d been there right beside Sean when the girl took her final breath. She knew that if she hadn’t been, perhaps he could have made it in time to save her. She closed her eyes for a moment as she opened the envelope, feeling her fingers shake as they reached inside for her friend’s letter, unsure whether or not she actually wanted to read it. Eventually though, she opened her eyes and forced herself to look at its contents.

Princess,

I’ve debated writing this letter. I’ve debated it because if you’re reading this, then I am no longer present amongst the living and, as such, my words may come off now as an act of cruelty. If that’s the case, I am deeply sorry. Still, I thought it best to not leave any pages left unturned in our story. I hope that if this should cause you any pain, that it will not last long and you will inevitably see why I decided this was for the best. Please excuse me if I turn out to be mistaken.

When I was just a kid, on my first day of training, Bastian Rivers looked me in the eyes and asked me who I wanted to be. I didn’t know. I only knew who I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to be that kid hiding in the woods, frozen by fear. I wanted to be strong on the inside so much more than I wanted to be on the outside. And for the most part, I was. I don’t remember being afraid of anything or anyone ever again... Until I met you. The day we met, that first time we fought, was the most frightening moment of my life. Not because I felt my life was in danger, but because that was when I knew.

I knew I loved you then.

That’s been my secret ever since. My deepest, darkest, most intimate secret. One I could never share, even with my best friend. It has also been my very worst fear; that one day I’d look into your eyes and the words would somehow escape me. Because at some point, Indrani, I’ve come to terms with the fact I could never escape my rage, or the man it’d inevitably change me into. I knew that man could never be worth the dirt beneath your feet, no matter how much he loved you. When I made a conscious choice to become a traitor, with that choice came the price of never being worthy of loving you. And I swore to myself that you would never know. That I would never tell you. If not for any other reason, because I knew what kind of a coward this made me.

I told myself day after day that I didn’t regret anything. I knew I was lying. I regret the path I’ve chosen. I regret it because it meant I could never choose you. For a while I could convince myself that sacrifice was worth it, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t. In many ways I knew it from the start, but it never became more painfully clear than when you said I was dead to you.

If not for Katie, I would have let you kill me, because it was my fault it all came to that. It was my fault because I kept that secret. And you never knew that I would rather die than see you hurt. That I would let a blade through my heart to keep you safe or make you happy. It was my decision to keep you in the dark, to let you doubt my feelings for you, because the truth felt so much more painful to me than that. It wasn’t fair to make you live with it as well.

I’m only writing this now because I was afraid you’d feel guilty. I can’t bear the thought of you thinking you’ve somehow failed me. Thinking that I somehow blame you. Because that couldn’t be farther from the truth. And I owe you the truth, Princess, even though now it’s practically worthless.

I don’t know what fate awaits me, or through which circumstances you’ll find yourself reading this letter. The future is always uncertain apart from the very end and I feel mine is considerably near. I am not afraid. I am no longer angry. Whatever happens, I’ve already accepted. After all, in the end, we all must pay for what harm we’ve caused and I’ve caused more than just my share.

There are too many things I wish I could have said, things I’ll never get to say, and perhaps things would have been different; much different, if only I had been entirely honest from the very beginning. And I’m sorry, Princess. Words cannot express how deeply I regret not being man enough to look you in the eyes and tell you all of this. That I kept this secret under lock and key; that I buried it with me in the end.

I’m sorry that I didn’t have the courage to accept when you offered to take me home with you, that I didn’t have it in me to turn my back on this when you asked. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to show you how much you matter to me, how beautiful and how amazing I believe you are. I’m sorry I never kissed you. Because there wasn’t one day, from the moment we met, when I didn’t wish I had.

I’m sorry I never said that I love you. That I always have. That I always will. And even though I never have been able to forgive myself, Princess, I only hope that, somehow, you will. Because even now, your forgiveness means the world to me.

However, I won’t ask that you forgive me. The only thing I ask is that when my death no longer feels so painful, in a time when these words won’t cut quite as deep as I imagine they do now, that you’ll remember me for one thing, and one thing only, Princess:

Remember me as someone who loved you. Because in the end, that’s the only part of me still truly worth something.

Farewell, Princess.

-Sean

“Sean... Wh-...” Indrani mumbled under her breath. Her sight was so blurred she could barely read her friend’s signature, the shock and confusion masking the fact she been crying profusely onto the sheet of parchment and for a brief moment she was unable to understand why it was so hard to breathe. Sean was right; she never knew. She never saw it, although, now; looking back on their time together, she could. It was there. It had always been there from day one.

“Of all the stupid... Things... You’ve done...” She muttered, glaring at his words. “What made you think this was your choice to begin with? You stubborn, idiot... Piece of shit... Why... You selfish BASTARD! YOU COULD HAVE LET ME HELP YOU! I could... Have...” Indrani’s voice cracked and her knees gave out on her. When some of her fellow Crimson came running in response to her shouting they found their Commander curled up in the sand, sobbing like a child. Something none of them had ever seen her do; not even as a child. The men stood there for about half a minute before simply walking away, afraid to say or do anything to cause the woman any more distress. No one short of Dastan himself had ever been able to calm Indrani, and they knew better than to try and change that now, knowing that the man was halfway across Valcrest.

It took some time, but eventually Indrani managed to stop crying, her golden eyes bloodshot as she reread her friend’s letter word by word. Sean had gotten one thing right; she no longer felt guilt, but now she was angry beyond all belief. “Stupid, selfish, brat... You inconsiderate son of a bitch... Thoughtless jerk...” She sneered, crumpling the letter within a clenched fist. “What right did you have to decide...” She stopped herself, breathing in deep and making to sure to not cry anymore. “It wasn’t too late Sean... You should have given me a chance to show you... What right did you have to give up on me? How am I supposed to forgive that? How am I supposed to...” She snorted, running her fingers through her hair, a bit of laughter escaping under her breath. “Fucking moron... Why would you do this yourself? To me. Things could have been different.”

White Shadows Camp, Otium 16th, Evening

Darren had been watching in mild shock, the exchange between Irv and Emily, along with a few others that paused to stop and stare. Once he realized he had been gawking like a trout fresh out of water, he quietly encouraged the others to disperse as Annie escorted Emily away from the spectacle. To think, his friend’s sister was here all this time right under their noses, but wasn’t that the irony of this land? Much to be seen if one knows where to look.

The blued eyed man approached Irv from the right, placing a firm yet reassuring hand on Irv’s shoulder. “Yes...she’s safe. It’ll work out, Guy, I mean..just look at my mom and Jake?” A slight smirk peeked out from the corner of his mouth as he let out a long sigh, casually pulling Irv along to sit. The kid looked pale and he wasn’t sure if he felt disorientated from the shock of the discovery that his sister was indeed alive and well, only to have her convinced her own brother was dead. Darren snorted, “Valcrest...the land that tears people apart and tosses them back together...while the Twins watch us in meaningful silence..” he trailed off, unblinking as if some philosophical realization had sudden dawned on him. It was unclear to what he was thinking but his eyes reflected a sort of peace, however fleeting. “It could have gone much worse, Irv. Be thankful and give it time. We’ll figure it all out. It’s...It’s just like what my mom said the first time we met at the ball...Things or life never goes as expected so we improvise. Either way it will hurt but it heals...we will heal...Emily, WILL heal. She’s in good hands here, Irv.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raven’s Nest, Otium 17th Late Afternoon

Muscles strained, back and feet sore, Essence had settled beneath the oak in the spot Luckas normally occupied. Within seconds she had fallen asleep in sanctuary from the beating sun, the day’s training taking a higher toll on her than normal. Her subconscious was beckoned into the warm waters of memory, her dreams seducing reality into a place most unexpected.

Bathed in darkness, it were as if she simply had her eyes closed, but she wasn’t afraid to open them. She didn’t fear or question where she was, only swimming into a peaceful calm; not even startled when she felt something brush her shoulder in a tender gesture. There was no surprise, only acceptance when she felt a pair of lips touch that same shoulder, trailing to meet her own lips. In that moment, she felt no sickness at the closeness of her company, instead she trusted every move the person made. Her pale cheeks flushed at the intimacy she had always feared and when she opened those eyes, they were met with a familiar pair glowing a fierce red in the shadows. Ess smiled, reaching out towards the darkness, her caress soothing those dangerous eyes to a cool grey.

Essence gasped, the pleasant dream tearing away from her when she awoke with a violent shudder. Her entire face was a deep shade of red and as her eyes searched her surroundings to reassure she was indeed still alone. Wiping a bit of sweat off her brow, her legs wobbled as she stood, leaning against the oak for support. Her vision was a blur as she wandered off towards the river where she squatted down to splash water on her face. A few moments of indulging in the icy sting and she seemed convinced she was awake, the dream beginning to fade leaving behind a tingle along her neck that reminded her of the soft petals of flowers grazing her skin.

She itched at her skin, rubbing beneath her hair as if to confirm there was nothing crawling on her and once satisfied, Ess changed course to where the horses grazed. As she approached Shockwave, the horse turned from his meal to stare at her curiously, stamping excitedly in the dirt when she paused in front of him.

“Don’t look at me like that…” Ess mumbled, glancing around as if she meant to dodge prying eyes, but the only people around were across the tiny meadow brushing their own steeds. She slid her hand over the horse’s muzzle, gently patting him along his forehead and over his ears. The animals snorted in approval, leaning into Ess and resting his chin just past her shoulder in an unusual embrace.

“Miss Ess, Miss Ess! Look at me!”

Ess startled turning about so that her horse’s muzzle hugged her cheek. At first she didn’t see where the tiny voice of Lily was coming from and the girl giggled at her, riding up from behind on a small palfrey led by Aiden who held the reins. The young girl was practically bouncing in her saddle from where she sat, proudly staring down at Ess with the biggest smile.

“Oh my,” Ess laughed, “well look at you Miss Lily. When did you graduate from the pony..what was her name?”


“Buttercup! And just today Mr. Aiden said he would teach me how to brush em’ and feed em’ properly without getting my fingers snatched, too.” Lily looked over at Aiden, her smile fading some as she shot him a pouting scowl. “You let go now, please? He listens to me real good! I want to show Miss Ess, please?”

Aiden quirked a brow as if he were pondering the request before walking around and handing Lily the reins. “Ok, but you remember what we talked about, yes?”

“Who you talking to? Buttercup or Lily?” Ess snorted.

“I’ll have you know, Talon, I did nothing to influence Buttercup. Miss Lily is learning to bond and gain her trust all on her own. And that was the pony, if you recall. This is Cinnamon. Isn’t that right, Lily?” He patted the horse on its side.

“That’s right!” Lily took the reins in her hands, making sure she had a firm grip but leaving plenty of slack. She puckered her lips and whistled, a soft beckoning as she barely leaned to the right, Cinnamon walking in a circle to the right. Two times around and Lily leaned to the left, leading the horse in the opposite direction. Once he came to a stop, Lily lifted the reins and the horse stepped backwards a few paces.

Aiden clapped in approval, bowing low towards Lily. “My apologies, you remembered just fine. Go right ahead and take him for a walk.”

As Lily wandered off someone called for Aiden in the distance, the man groaning in annoyance. He waved towards Keith and nodded, “Hey, Talon...you think you ca-”

“No problem, I’ll keep an eye on Miss Lily.” Ess smiled, patting Aiden on the arm and catching the man’s stare so that she awkwardly turned away to trot after Lily. “You better not keep Keith waiting.”

Aiden simply stood, as if purposely moving slower in defiance to the ‘command’, watching Essence while he left the fields until she was out of sight. Ess found Shockwave by a bucket of grains, stuffing his face. He noted her approach by the twitching of his ears, his one eye facing her, staring until he had finished his meal and finally lifted his head to nuzzle her hand.

“Come on, let’s catch up to Miss Lily, hm?” Ess hoisted herself onto her horse’s bare back and lightly tugged on his mane in the direction of Lily, Shockwave taking off in a burst of energy until he was side by side with Cinnamon.

“Look at me! Look at me!” Lily beamed proudly, bouncing in her saddle.

“I see, I see.” Ess laughed, enjoying as several minutes passed in silence, the two girls trotting away from the fields and along the path to the edge of camp where they turned around. It appeared Cinnamon was now more following Shockwave around than letting himself be directed by the young girl. As they circled the outskirts of the camp, they slowed to a walk, Ess’ gaze locked onto the back of Lily’s head, her mind drifting in the silence until Lily and her horse came to a hault. The young girl looked up at Ess which broke the woman out of her trance, a small concerned frown marking the girl’s features.

“Miss Ess, when do you know if killing someone is ok?”

Ess lulled Shockwave to pause beside Lily, her brows furrowing in a perplexed manner. “What? What are you talking about Lily? What brought this on?”

“I just don’t get it. I don’t get how someone knows when it’s ok. Like with war and bad people and then there’s you and Mr Luckas, Maga, Mr Aiden, Miss Deidra….Mr Jake…”

“Lily...it’s never ok to kill someone, technically, but people do it. People give reasons and either care or don’t care about their actions. In war, it can’t be avoided. It’s part of what people do to survive too. They don’t want to necessarily kill the person they are fighting but if they don’t defend themselves, then they could end up dead.” Ess sighed, her eyes trailing between Lily’s somewhat confused gaze and the horses.

“Is that like what Maga says about us having to learn to protect ourselves but we don’t have to fight like she does?”

“Yes..and no. Lily, there are people out there who kill others for no reason or because they want what they have..”

“Like money?”

“..Sometimes...or people..or land. Sometimes people call it justice or revenge, like if someone hurt Maga, you know the Guard wouldn’t put up with that.”

“..They’d kill that person?”

“Maybe...or lock them up forever. It would depend what may be more hurtful to that person and we would want to make sure they don’t get to hurt anyone else again.”

“So..if they don’t feel bad about killing, then they are ok to kill?”

Ess coughed almost choking on her own words as she tried to answer the young girl. She wiped at a line of sweat that was beading along the back of her neck and shook her head. “It’s never that simple, Lily. There are times I have felt bad and times I have not. Do you think I’m a bad person who deserves to die because I have killed people?”

Lily’s eyes bugged and she shook her blond locs furiously from side to side, “Noo! You’re nice and play with us kids and take care of us..and and..”

“Lily..not everyone in Valcrest may think as you do. Do you see why that’s not an easy question to answer?”

The girl went to speak and then just answered in a silent nod.

“So, I’m going to tell you what I told Mr Jake a loooong time ago when we were kids. You need to make your own choices and decide if you believe if someone is good or not. Sometimes they can be both, as you will learn as you grow. Your gut..that feeling you get when your tummy hurts or feels full when you haven’t eaten, will help remind you when you should be wary of someone or not. Not everyone may agree with how you feel, but you should always agree with yourself and don’t change your mind because of someone else. You understand?”

“I ...I think so. Like Mr Aiden...him and Mr Luckas don’t like each other but we like them both. I won’t stop being Mr Aiden’s friend just because Mr Luckas doesn’t like him and stuff.” Lily began chewing on the end of her blonde braid in thought. “I don’t want to kill anyone….”

Ess smiled and shrugged, “Well, that’s your decision. Darren thinks like that too, you know. People in the White Shadows do too. Some people see all life as important and with their part to play. Some people believe everyone has a right to live and some people don’t.”

“What do you believe?” Lily mumbled, still chewing on her hair.

Ess tapped her heel into Shockwaves side, the horse walking forward, Cinnamon automatically following in step. “I believe in listening to my gut, and if I make the right or wrong choice, it is mine to live with. I believe those who harm others, for the most part, should not be allowed to continue to harm them.”

“Do...do you like to kill them?”

“..Lily...I don’t think we should be talking about this anymore…” Ess began, trying to lead the horse further ahead of Lily, the young girl digging her heels into Cinnamon so that the horse trotted forward and was now ahead of Ess.

“Do you?”

“....Lily..”

“DOOO YOU?”

“Sometimes.”

“Why? Does it make you feel better?”

Ess had to take a deep breath, remembering that it was a child talking to her before she answered. She knew the kid just had a million questions and was trying to understand, but it was a lot for someone her age to grasp, no matter how smart she was.

“..Sometimes...for a little while, but you know what happens?”

“What…?”

“..It will leave an emptiness inside you. That good feeling will go away. You have to remember that killing someone, who may have killed a person you loved, will not bring them back.”

“...But it will stop them from killing other people you love. Or someone else loves.” Lily had turned the horse around so that they walked circles around Ess, Shockwave snorting and stamping in response. Ess hadn’t even noticed they had stopped again, the woman watching Lily in amazement, the image reminding her of those first moments with Jake. She frowned, remembering how one day, Lily may not feel the same way and all that sweet innocence would be gone.

“Miss Ess?”

The woman smiled, “Yes Lily?”

“I...I heard Mr Aiden talking to Maga long time ago...about Mr Luckas…”

“Oh? You know you aren’t suppose to listen in on people’s conversations, Little Miss.”

“I know...I’m sorry, but...I don’t get why Mr Aiden says Mr Luckas will end up hurting you. I don’t think that’s true.”

Ess chuckled. “I don’t think so either. Tell me though, what do you think Lily?”

“I...I think Mr Aiden thinks Mr Luckas is bad, but I don’t think that. But I still don’t get why he thinks that.”

“Well...I think sometimes people say and do things when they are upset or scared. Lots of times those things tend to be mean but not true. Kind of like when Clayton teased you about your hair that time when he was just mad you had a toy he wanted, remember?”

“Oh, so he’s jealous?”

Ess snorted, “Possibly, but I can only give my opinion on it. Mr Luckas is...a complicated subject that I think we should drop. It’s rude to talk about people anywho. You should just ask them about it if you really want to know what they think.”

“ I dunno, I don’t want to make them mad. Jess says some things are not our business.”

“Oh, I’m sure they wouldn’t be mad, but Jess is correct. However, you will get away with most questions because you’re little. Just remember you won’t get away with as much as you get older.”

“Why not?”

“Because kids are cute and adorable and want to learn about everything.”

“But, what if I stay cute and adorable when I get big? Maybe they will still answer my questions?”

“I have no doubt about that, Little Miss, “ she giggled, “just be respectful if they don’t want to answer you, ok?”

“..Ok.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raven’s Nest, Otium 17th Late Evening

Tala had been following Ess around for some time, the wolf even barking here and there trying to get the woman’s attention with no success. Essence’s body was swaying side to side with each step, her legs shaky as if they may give way from her at any moment. At first, she simply crawled out of her tent and stood idle, her eyes closed. Slowly they peeked open and she shuffled forward, circling her fire pit in an apparent confusion before stalking off away from camp. For no reason at all, still in a dazed silence, she would pause, eyes closing once again for a few moments. Again they opened about half way, not a hint of glow to her empty stare as she would continue forward.

The next time she stopped, she was standing just outside Jacob’s tent, her eyes opening wide this time, as if she were awake, a pleading, angered scream suddenly erupting into the silence. Ess was no where conscious enough to even react to her wolf’s excited yelps and whines; even when Tala grabbed hold of her dress and tried to pull her backwards, she fought to rush forward.


Essence screamed in despair, her plea seeming to fall onto deaf ears. “Stop it! Stop it Jake! Please..”

Jacob had his fingers clenched firmly around Luckas’ throat, squeezing so hard that his face strained to take breath, veins bulging in his forehead. Even though Luckas appeared to be smiling in some sort of amusement, his pale features were turning a grey-blue, unable to even gasp for air. Ess flew at Jake, punching him in the back of his head until he let go. Abruptly turning to grab Ess by the shoulders and using his body weight, he flipped her over his head. She was already turning onto her belly, scurrying to stand; this time the dagger in hand as she again lunged, slashing wildly across his chest which he dodged left and right, ducking low to ram his shoulders into her torso, knocking her down once again, the dagger skidding across the ground. Jake quickly pinned her down at the shoulders, his legs crossed as he practically sat on her to keep Ess in place. “Get off of me! I won’t let you do it...I won’t let you..”

“Ess...he’s a liar...he hurts people for amusement...he’s murder and needs to be ripped from the world..” Jake spoke calmly, an eerie, icy glow staring down upon Ess. From behind she saw Luckas stand, fierce red eyes glaring down between Jake and Essence. “...No...no, no, no, no. I won’t let you Jacob.”

“That’s right, JB.” Luckas sneered. “She’ll end up having to kill one of us if she doesn’t want us both dead..”

Ess growled, feeling her body fall limp as defeated tears streaked her cheeks and fell across her ears. “...I’d rather you kill me...” She whimpered.

~~~~

Essence’s eyes began to glow, reddish tears streaking her pale skin as she awoke from her night terror, yet she wasn’t sure what was real. It seemed she was still dreaming, feeling herself pinned down, unable to move still, yet the look in Jacob’s eyes was not the same. Ess began to sob. “..I’d rather you kill me...”

Jake had been drifting in and out of an agitated sleep. Even in his most unconscious state, he couldn’t say he had any rest that night and if he hadn’t been so tired he probably would have noticed the movement around his tent a lot sooner than he did. As he was... All he could really grasp of what was happening was that he heard Ess’ voice and when he got up to check it out she had jumped him; he had no idea why. He couldn’t even tell if she was trying to hit him exactly, but none of the many things he shouted in his shock seemed to do a very good job of getting through. Finally after a bit of awkward struggling he managed to pin his friend down and hold her still, his shock rising as he noticed she seemed to not actually see him as if she was in some kind of a trance. Frowning in confusion Jake looked from Ess to Tala and then back to Ess as if he tried to think of some explanation; anything that made the slightest bit of sense. Before he could find one, however, she seemed to awake; which didn’t help Jake’s confusion, really. It only turned the man’s confusion into a small panic at her words. “What... Why...” He mumbled, quickly pulling away from her and shaking his head. “What are you talking about... You know... I’d never hurt you... Why would you even say that?” Jake kept watching her with wide eyes, as if half expecting her to jump him again, somewhat unsure of whether he should try and comfort her, and overall just confused by the whole thing.

“...What happened to not making promises you can’t keep, Jacob...?” She murmured sadly, an occasional sniffle interrupting her words. It took a moment for Ess to realize Jake had released her, her eyes searching her surroundings frantically as the fuzziness started to fade. She crawled back and in the opposite direction from Jake, wiping a few tears aside. “Where...is...How did I get here?” A sharp pain struck between her eyes, startling her so that her head fell, her hands reaching up to support herself but hovering along her temples as if afraid to make the pain worse. Luckily it only lasted a few moments, the only traces of it were a few drops of blood falling from her nose, splattering across her faded, green, gown, where her knee would be beneath the fabric. “..Jake?...I’m...sorry...I don’t know....” Essence sighed, her eyes rising to meet her friend’s concerned blues. “..It’s getting worse...” She stated, as if only voicing half of a thought, her fingers finally gaining the nerve to gently massage the bridge of her nose.

Jake sat down, watching Ess with a mix of concern and confusion in his eyes. He didn’t understand what she meant about promises, but at the moment he was far more concerned about her confusion, and pain. Took him a little bit to collect his thoughts, but when he managed to think straight he moved to look for a flask amongst his things; he took the flask and a clean cloth and moved to sit beside his friend, offering the flask to her. “Here, take a swig, it’ll calm you. Careful though, it’s... Strong stuff. For people who aren’t allowed to drink, the healers do know what to do with some alcohol.” He said, forcing a bit of shaky laughter before heaving a sigh. “Ess, what... What is getting worse? Were you hallucinating, dreaming, what? Are you in pain? Can I do something to help?”

Ess’ hand trembled when she reached out to take the flask from Jake, slowly taking a sip which caused her to cough and laugh at the same time when she realized he wasn’t kidding about the drink. “Gee....Twins almighty, what...” She coughed again, taking a deep breath in through her nose, a funny whistling noise escaping her as she breathed. “..Man, where was this stuff when I had my cold? Clears up the lungs and such instantly.” Wiping at a dribble of liquid at the corner of her mouth she handed back the flask, nodding to signal she was all set with that. “...Nightmares Jake....nightmares.....and they are changing...well...having the same ones but others now too..and..” Ess groaned, knowing what she was about to tell Jake would not be taken lightly. She knew she should have mentioned what happened the first time she had an ‘episode’ like this, and probably should have at least told the Captain, but she honestly hoped it would pass; that it was a fluke. “...I didn’t think this would happen again...a little while back...Luckas woke me up because apparently I was trying to stand in the open flames of my campfire.” Ess glanced shyly at Jake, a defensive look crossing her face. “I swear, I am not suicidal...I don’t remember or understand why I would do such a thing. It’s just..my nightmare...the one that repeats..always ends with me burning, strapped to an Oak tree that will, in turn, not burn.” Ess sighed, whispering her next few words. “...I burn so someone else doesn’t have to..”

Jake sighed deeply staring at the flask in his hand before taking a drink from it himself, coughing a bit as the liquid burned its way down, causing his eyes to water a bit. Rubbing his eyes with one hand he nodded silently to show he was listening as Ess spoke, going over the little she had disclosed of her dreams a few times in his mind before replying. “You should’ve told me sooner, you know... Luckas isn’t here all the time... What if you tried that again tonight instead of... Jumping me? Tala’s not enough to hold you, clearly.” He concluded, running one hand through his hair and glancing down at the flask as if trying to decide on whether or not to take another swig as he mumbled. “Maybe you should talk to a healer about this... Not just a medic, but one of the White Shadows... I don’t know, seems like the best thing to do if it’s getting worse. You wouldn’t want to hurt yourself. Least, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” He sighed, eyeing the flask for a little bit longer before drinking from it, coughing slightly less than the previous time, but still quite a bit. Taking a long deep breath he set it aside as if not wanting to even think about drinking any more. “I haven’t been sleeping much for, oh, I don’t know... Think it’s been about two years since the last time I remember sleeping through the night. If I take certain herbs, or drink just enough, I can black out, but it’s not quite the same as actual sleep. First the healers said it was stress, but last they checked they admitted they’re just not sure. Migraines started kicking in a while ago...” He sighed. “It’s either I’m going nuts or something’s physically wrong with me. Same as yours in that sense. Either way, you shouldn’t try and deal with it by yourself.”

“Maybe telling you sooner would have helped, but honestly you can’t watch over me all the time, Jakey. Either can Luckas..” Ess sighed, thinking a bit more to that sentence but not voicing it except with a soft chuckle. Her amusement faded, an honest, worried look in her eyes as she quickly looked over Jake from head to toe. “You need to make sure not to forget about yourself too and I don’t want to feel like an invalid eith-...ah, Jake...I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Ess nodded slowly, her gaze falling to Tala, mumbling into the wolf’s fur as she scratched behind her ear. “Oh, I dunno, I thought you were doing a great job there girl..” She snickered, trying to distract herself from the idea of having to be examined and asked tons of questions by a healer, the idea somewhat unpleasant. “Ugh...well...Ali did offer to take me back that way, to where I was born and to where my home once stood. Just one more reason I guess...and I suppose it can’t make things any worse...so fine...” Ess rolled her eyes, an annoyed sigh permeating the silence that fell upon them. She had listened intently when Jake went on about his own lack of sleep and other curious symptoms, and after a bit of thought she spoke. “So...either we are both going insane, we are both sick, or maybe we are insanely sick...” She smirked, “You know...neither of us should deal with this ourselves. Jake, now that you mention migraines it makes me think of how the pains in my head are similar to those, except they are intermittent and brief, accompanied by my bleeds...among other things.” Essence scooted closer to Jake, playfully resting a chin upon his shoulder. “..We are suppose to take care of each other, I know this...and I am sorry I tried to beat you up again...I didn’t mean it this time.”

Jake snickered softly at Ess’ annoyed response to the idea of seeing the healers. He couldn’t blame her, aside from Annie, and maybe Alistair, they could be quite obnoxious and intrusive. “Won’t be so bad if you go with Ali, she knows how to avoid the pokers... And then there are the guys who like to test medicine on people too... Eh... You should probably just ask for Annie. She’s... I wouldn’t say normal, she’s Lena’s kid after all, but she’s less of a sadist than the rest, believe it or not. Not to mention she’d know quite a bit of history too. I’m pretty sure she could tell you about your village.” Letting out a long yawn, Jake nodded. “I think everyone gradually loses their sanity in time, so we’re probably just ahead of everyone else... Or the majority at least.” He played, although he couldn’t completely hide the concern in his voice. There was something about sharing his problems with someone else that just made them all the more real to him. Maybe he should have worried a lot sooner, but he really felt like somehow he had no time to stop and think about his insomnia. Sighing softly he opened a small smile. “Hey, it’s alright, I know you didn’t mean to, besides... I’d say not just anyone has what it takes to beat me up in their sleep.” He said, giving Ess a playful nudge. “But not bad.”

Essence opened a warm smile, “Lena’s kid, huh? So...your cousin. Well, practically family, so I trust your advise. Besides she did send me a gift and I haven’t even met the girl yet. But yea...no one else is allowed to poke at me...I may poke back and that would not be so wise..” Shifting her position she leaned over on her knees, wrapping her arms tightly around Jake’s neck in a sudden hug, squeezing like she was afraid he’d disappear. “...You know Jacob, I really didn’t realize how much I still needed my best friend until now..” Ess whispered softly. “I...” She sighed, unable to finish her sentence, instead changing the subject as she released her friend. “..Should try to get some sleep...uh...would it be weird If I asked you to keep me company? I really am not comfortable being by myself right now..”

Jake quietly wrapped one arm around his friend, a little caught off guard by how tight she’d hugged him, nodding along to her words for a few moments before speaking. “You should... Try and sleep some more, true. I’ll keep you company, sure. Whatever you need.” He smirked in amusement as he added. “Besides... I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you being by yourself either. I might have to start stalking you now too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raven’s Nest, Otium 18th, Late Afternoon

“What are you doing?” Ess chuckled, kneeling down beside Lily who was staring very intently at Puppy in a cold stone expression. She looked so serious and was silent as the grave as the large dog stared right back at her, his expression much more curious and adorable as his ears perked up at Ess’ approach. When Lily didn’t answer, Ess folded her hands in her lap and watched the two for quite some time. Ess felt like it had been forever and went to ask Lily again what she was up to, when the girl tilted her head back, her face stretching in a wide and noisy yawn. Essence quirked a brow, thinking that maybe the child had grown tired of this staring contest, absently stifling a yawn of her own. Puppy’s tail thumped happily over at Lily as he reflected her gesture and let out a soft whine, his jaws parting in a yawn of his own, tongue lolling out of his mouth. Lily broke her statue like pose and began giggling and tackled her fury protector in a massive hug, the dog covering the girl in kisses.

Ess snorted shaking her head. “Lily...what are you doing?” She smiled in amusement.

“Hi Miss Ess! I was trying an spearmint..” Lily giggled, when Ess’ expression when dumbfounded.


“ A what?”

“A spearmint! Jason said that he read that animals and people...who are good...sense someone is good and you can tell this by if yawning and seeing if that animal or person does it too.” Lily lifted her head proudly as if she were giving a lesson on morality.

“OOooh...an experiment.” Ess laughed and nodded, tapping her chin thoughtfully as she listened to Lily’s explanation.

“Dat’s what I said, Miss Ess. An exspearmint. And it worked. Puppy yawned when I did.”

Ess fell silent for a few moments, watching the girl lovingly play with the Wolfhound. Thinking over the girl’s words, she began to understand what she was doing, a warm smile touching her eyes as she quietly appreciated the girl’s intelligence. Lily had a pretty good understanding of what Jason had explained to her, but Ess was familiar with what the boy had read and knew it was still quite a bit over the young girl’s head.

“It’s to tell..if someone has Empathy, Miss Lily. Do you know what Empathy is?” Ess sang softly, reaching over to ruffle up Puppy’s fur. Lily looked up at Essence and tilted her head in curiosity, staying silent to politely wait for the woman to finish.

“Um..well basically it’s..for example...Let’s pretend you fell and hurt your leg and I found you. I would feel bad and sad that you hurt yourself and want to help you. Your pain I don’t really feel, because I’m not hurt, but I see you’re in pain and I want to help it go away.I would want to take care of you.” Ess reached over and lifted the girl onto her lap as she spoke, running her fingers through her hair to separate and braid the loose strands.

“So...it’s wanting to help people?” Lily asked, quietly settling into Ess’ lap.

“Sometimes. It’s understanding what someone else feels, even if you don’t feel it. Sometimes you do feel it too.” Ess snorted, shaking her head when Lily looked back at her a bit confused. “Ok..what if Puppy didn’t yawn back, what did Jason say that would have meant?”

Lily was thoughtfully quiet as Ess twisted six small braids; three on each side of Lily’s head, uniting them at the base of her neck where she began braiding those together into a much larger design. When Ess was finished, that was when Lily seemed to come to an answer.

“I think...it would mean that Puppy was bad. I think if someone didn’t care about me then they’d be mean. I’m a good girl and I like making people stuff and helping Jason and the other kids and Maga. I was sad that day your hands hurt Miss Ess and you couldn’t eat..so I helped. So..I have mapthy..”

“Empathy..” Ess corrected, brushing a few hairs from her eyes. “..Yes...you do. and you’re right...those who don’t..can be very mean..”

“You have empathy too then.” Lily smiled.

Essence giggled, lifting her head as if to listen to a distant whisper on the wind, the woman slowly turning back towards the little girl with a gentle pat on her back. “Why don’t you go find out if Mr Luckas does too? Go play your game with him...but don’t tell him why until after, ok?”

“Ok!” Lily jumped up with a small burst of energy and went to run off to find Luckas. “Miss Ess?” Lily paused in step and looked over at Essence with what could only be recognized as confidence. “...You know what?”

“What is it, Lily?”

“Mr. Luckas has to have empathy because he’s never mean to me.”

“Is that so? Well, you sure it’s not because he knows he’d get his butt whooped by a camp full of guardsmen and women if he were to be mean to you?”

Lily laughed, clapping a bit in amusement. “Maybe..but I don’t think so..”