This roleplay has started, and the awesome Rarikou made an awesome OST. Check it out!

Good morning to all the space newts and evil lords out there! I’m your resident killer-of-worlds and radio host, DJ Raven! And this is the first installment of the most amazing race in the universe!

But first, a word from our sponsors. Unless you guys have been living under a rock (no offense to all those space newts keeping it real in the ozone,) you’re probably aware of the fact that the evil – but completely gorgeous and amazing goddess who would never kill me, please, oh god – dark space witch Celeste has taken over our dimension and given the place a major overhaul! And she didn’t just switch out the carpets and the drapes, man. No, our beautiful dark goddess is all about the entertainment factor.

And you know who’s her entertainment?

That’s right, you guys –

Us!

So join us as sixteen unlucky contestants duke it out across seven worlds in the most epic of all epic races. The stakes? Why, nothing less than the complete destruction of their homeworlds, of course! The odds? Minimal to none.

The goal?

Say it with me now, all you weeping kids at home clutching your pearls –

Kill Celeste!

Positions

Never fear! We have our valiant sacrifices – ahem, sorry, contestants – to save us from complete and utter destruction! And luckily, each planet gets two representatives: one sword and one shield.

Sword

What about those swords, huh? Those are the people that are essentially the racers – they start off in the first world, racing against time and space to claim a shield and kill Celeste. They each get their own Deus Ex Machina device, that radical piece of technology that looks like a cell phone but has all the following capabilities and more: cell phone use, Internet, teleportation device between worlds, and even a short time travel span where you can travel five minutes into either the future or the past (once).

Pity that these guys are more or less useless without their shields! Yeah, they can use a gun or a sword – but what’s that gonna do against magic?

Shield

A sword ain’t nothing without a shield. Basically, if a sword is lucky enough, a shield will ask them to form a contract with them. Unfortunately, they can’t form a contract with the sword from their home world! Sucks, right? They have to work with the enemy. But it’s totally worth it, you know why? Because forming a contract with a sword will enable both of them to use a special magic spell unique to the shield’s home world, provided they stay within a twenty feet radius. Shields also get their own Deux Ex Machina, but it has less options. Basically, they can teleport to the Waiting Room – more details on that later – or they can call one of the swords and give them permission to come rescue them and form a contract.

Shields start off in a room at the top of a tall tower located in their home world. They have a bed, a toilet, some amenities in a fridge, and a television set. That’s it. But they’re watching the race along with us – and they can decide whom they want to contract with, if anyone. If you’re a sword, you better be asking – will they pick you?

Heart Stones

Okay, this ain’t a person, but these little babies are, like, super important, you guys! What’s shaped like a heart, fits in the palm of your hand, and is completely indestructible? No clue? Let me throw some more hints planet-side, then! What does a contestant absolutely need in order to get into one of the seven towers? That’s right! We’re talking about heart stones, baby! We’ll talk more about these guys when I get to the rules of the race, but tattoo this on your scales, people – these guys are extremely important.

Rules of the Race

Okay, so here’s how it’s going to go down. All the contestants start in the same area on the first stage. They each start off with two heart stones. I fire the starting pistol. Celeste will link their Deux Ex Machina to the location of random heart stones, as well as the location of the tower. Celeste told me herself that she will choose the number of available heart stones based on the current status of the race, but that she has already decided on three heart stones for the first stage.

Pay attention, folks – this part is important. They will need at least three heart stones to enter the tower. They are allowed to ally with other people to open the tower: for example, three people can each use one heart stone to open the tower, or one person can use two heart stones and another person can use one heart stone. You cannot wait for other people to open the tower and then run into the tower – Celeste is watching, and she will smite you where you stand. I guess you can try it if you’re suicidal, though. You lose any and all heart stones you use to open a tower, so it would be exceptionally stupid to use all three of your heart stones to open the tower if you only have three.

So yeah, people will have to work together. Or they can kill each other and take the heart stones. Whatever works!

Once you’re in the tower, you have three options:

-You can rescue the shield. If that shield likes you, they will form a contract with you. If that shield doesn’t like you, you will have wasted your time. It might be best to wait for a text from a shield, but if you’re desperate, you might as well give it a try.
-You can get some advice from Meryl. Meryl will be hanging out in the tower, and she has one piece of cryptic but important advice for anyone willing to listen.
-You can kill Celeste. This is the end goal of each tower. You’re not really killing Celeste so much as a version of Celeste, but the idea is pretty much the same. Run to the boss chambers and she’ll take you on. Now hold on a second, guys! I can already hear you saying – how about everyone in the game just bum-rushes her? Well, first of all, you just used the word bum-rush, so props. But Celeste gets stronger the more people that challenge her. If one person challenges her? Yeah, she’ll pretty much just stand there while you stick her with your sword. Five people challenge her? Yeah, they’re prolly all gonna die. Anyone who is in the chamber when Celeste bites it – well, they will get compensated for their entry fee, so that’s pretty cool. Celeste does not get stronger as the stages wear on, although Meryl’s trials probably will. More on that later.
-These options can only be done once. You can also only do one option. If you save a shield, you cannot fight Celeste. If you speak to Meryl, you cannot fight Celeste. You get the idea.
-There is a penalty for not entering the tower and/or not choosing one of the options when they’re available – you lose one heart stone.

They must kill Celeste, folks. If they don’t, Celeste will get bored and kill everyone in this dimension within the week.

But wait! They won’t be able to get those options so easily. Meryl will be on hand to give them trials, which they will have to pass in order to get to the end goal. There is a specific trial for each tower end goal. I’ve heard that Meryl’s trials are really a doozy – this is where having a contract with a shield will really come in handy for a sword.

After Celeste is killed, the tower will be considered -cleared-. You can still go back and rescue the shield and/or speak to Meryl, but the race will essentially move on to the next stage. To the same token, you can technically jump to a later stage if a shield contacts you and you can pay the three heart stone fee and pass the resulting trial – but the only thing you can do there is save the shield. You cannot face the Celeste of that stage until the entire race reaches that stage.

After a stage has been cleared, our brave heroes get a two day break! That’s the time they should use for forming alliances, recuperating from injuries, and drinking a lot of alcohol to numb their existential pain. They can also rescue shields during this time period, if they so desire. They can even go back and listen to a piece of Meryl’s advice that may have been missed on an earlier stage.

After two days, the rat race begins again.

So what happens if they reach the last stage and all the worlds are still alive? That’s when the free-for-all starts. Basically, only one world is allowed to survive. The contestants will have to force one of the many defeat conditions on each other, which I will talk about in a minute –

Conditions of World Destruction

Those swords and shields better be bringing their ballin’ best! There are several ways that our home worlds can die before they even reach the last lap.

The sword loses all their heart stones. If a sword and a shield are allied, then they must both lose all of their stones. Lol. That sentence was funny.

The sword dies before allying with a shield. (The shield of that world will move to another world, and they will still be able to ally with someone. But will they want to?)

The sword and the shield are allied, but they both die.

Please note that a shield can die, and the world won’t die. Likewise, if a sword is allied with a shield, then the sword can die and the world won’t die. Well, yet.

The winner is nothing less than the last world standing!

The Seven Worlds

You’ve gotta love the charming new names that Celeste gave our home planets! They really capture the essence of our huge and diverse homes, you know? She even renamed our “planets” as “stages”! Our evil overlord has such good taste!

So here’s the deal. Celeste took away all of our means of transportation between worlds, which is why the tourism industry has been so down in the dumps these days. BUT those rascally swords can teleport between worlds whenever Celeste gives the thumbs-up to proceed to the next stage. All they need to do is use the teleportation app on their Deux Ex Machina!

First Stage: Desert
A desolate desert with a plethora of saloons.
Shield Power
Fireballs. For real.

Second Stage: Candy Land
Pink, fluffy clouds and candy cane trees.
Shield Power
Delusion attack – a special spell that can make foes think they are lost in a candy wonderland for five minutes. While they stare at the gumdrops, you punch them in the face. Can only work once every half hour.

Third Stage: Androidtopia
A futuristic world with a robot in every store.
Shield Power
Summon a giant robot for five minutes. BECAUSE. Also needs a half hour to reload.

Fourth Stage: Blizzard
More desolation, but this time cold desolation. Snow. And more snow.
Shield Power
Attack with ice. Come on, you knew this was coming.

Fifth Stage: Maple Street
An idyllic street that goes on forever, with manicured lawns and sprinklers and people fetching their newspapers in bathrobes.
Shield Power
Can summon a special golf club that is super-strong and durable. Really hurts when you hit people with it.

Sixth Stage: Beach Episode
A lush island paradise. Bikinis are involved.
Shield Power
Attack with sprays of water. Like Squirtle.

Seventh Stage: The Woods
Better leave that breadcrumb trail.
Shield Power
Both the sword and the shield transform into really strong wolves. And then they eat grandma.

Eight Stage: The Mansion
The rumored eighth world – the land of the dead. Rumor holds that dead contestants get sent here, to play a last game where they might get a second chance. Also, haunted.
Shield Power
There ain’t no shield power, stupid! You dead!

Waiting Room
This isn’t a planet, but it is a small pocket dimension that Celeste developed for bored shields awaiting their valiant knights to ally with them. Only shields can use their Deux Ex Machina to teleport there, where they can socialize with other shields. Of course, if they’re feeling unsafe, they can also teleport back to the safety of their own rooms.

I hear that it looks like a waiting room for a doctor’s office, and that the wait time is terrible.