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by Mia Siserae on Sat Aug 23, 2008 2:52 am
Tutorial Note: Great job! There were a couple misspellings in there, if you can it's always good to spell check your writing. I also noticed that when you wrote: He was born in Eygpt and lived their 20 years.
You used a homonym "their" when it was supposed to be "there." Be careful!! Other than that, I liked how you went about explaining how your character got stranded in the desert. Another thing to note is, it's alway good to break up your writing into organized paragraphs so it makes it easier for readers to read. You actually did put some space in between but it's good to put a full blank line so it's easier on the eyes. This is actually just personal preference. So whenever you finish a group of ideas, it's good to put a space in between them like so(I'm also including the correct spelling and grammar, and taking out some "had"s lol):
Ross was lost in a desert. He took his girlfriend on a desert safari for a surprise and they were having a good time, until he said he didn't love her. This just made his girlfriend furious, so she took the car and drove away. Now, a couple of hours later, he was getting hotter and hotter by the minute.
He knew it was getting near the afternoon, when the heat would be at its hottest. What he was wearing before getting lost and now, was very different. When he left he was wearing a V-neck t-shirt, some tight Jeans, and his Designer trainers. Now he was only in his boxer shorts, which showed his pot-belly, and he had took out the laces of his shoes and tied his hair up, which usually lay just below his shoulders.
Ross was having a good life. He was born in Egypt and lived their 20 years. When he was 20 he learned English, got a visa and moved to London. Egypt was very different to London, so it took a year to get used to it. At the age of 21 he got a job as a cleaner at a very cheesy hotel, and he started to enjoy his life in London. When he was 23 he met his girlfriend and was happily with her for two years, until she suggested to go to his hometown, and he decided that was the perfect way to show off, which ended up him being lost.
Ross now wanted to cry. He now felt hot, sweaty, scared and frustrated. He hated his girlfriend for leaving him like this, but he wished she would come back and take him back to the hotel feeling safe and happy.
Ross looked at his map one more time and realized he was heading the wrong way. He was so annoyed he shouted, "Damn." and he then turned around going back to where he started. Ross would be lucky if he got home before nightfall, but that probably wouldn't happen.
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Fourth Assignment: Write a post on the following scenario.
Setting: Someone close to you is in the hospital
Focus: Really get into your character's head and focus on the emotions that your character is feeling. Also don't forget to include a bit of background information and character description! Good luck!
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