Description

Name:
Ivan McDerfinsmear
Age:
48
Gender:
Male
Sexuality:
Heterosexual

Appearance:
Ivan is tall for his dwarfness standing at 4 feet 5 inches. He's a rather stubby little man. He has pale-ish skin from not going out in the light much and a long brown/orange beard that intermingles with his hair and falls down his belly. He usually has a few beads and breads in the front to show off his pride. Ivan's eyes are a dark brown. He has no tattoos, but many battle scars. The battle scar most seen is the three pronged scar above his left eyebrow. Ivan wears leather and iron armor almost all the time and they're usually rather decorated with small iron plates and badges. His weapon of choice is an iron ax like thing that he made himself. It has large openings in the middle of it to make it a bit lighter.

Personality:
Ivan is a very emotion filled little man. He has a rough exterior and a soft inside like...watermelons. or....crabs. He likes to joke around when he first meets people. He'll act all tough and yell at you then break down laughing his ass off with his loud hearty laugh. He doesn't particually like people of other races though because they're usually taller than him and that gets on his nerves. He's a heavy drinker and always offering to get a drink of beer, whiskey, or gin. All in all, he's a little man with the normal little man emotions that is not liking anyone taller than him and drinking with his buddies that are around the same height. Around his wife though, he acts like a kid as she has to make him do his work instead of sitting around and eat his vegetables.

Likes:
Drinkin'
Smokin' On His Pipe
Beer
Whiskey & Rye
Rum
His Beard
His Wife (Ciaran)
His Sons (Seamus & Coilin)
His Daughter (Alana)
His Friends (Brown, Smee, and Rosan)

Dislikes:
Tea
Vegetables
Angels
Bad Rum

Fears:
Black Birds
Getting Crushed
The Angels damn floating city in the sky falling down
Not being able to have any whiskey, rum, or beer

Dreams/Hopes:
To be able to have rum, whiskey, and beer for a life time
To at least survive the war with his wife and kids still okay

History:
Ivan was lived his life like any normal Dwarf. He was raised to hat angel, though he hates them and anyone taller than him self. Though, this was the case, he still lived the normal life dwarfs live. A life of mining and blacksmithing and drinking. He would go out with his mates every chance he got. They would go to the pub and have a few pints of whiskey and rye along with beer while they sang drunken songs. It was part of life. Then he meant his wife there. She was a wench and was bringing drinks out to all the men. Ivan took a liking to her. Not so soon after he talked to her, they were married. They had Seamus first after they were married. A while latter, Alana came along, then Coilin. Now that there family was complete, Ivan will go to work then to the pub with the mates for a little bit then off home to have some time with his wife and children for supper before they have to call it a night.

Ivan's Drinking Songs:
The Moonshiner (His Favorite)
Beer Beer Beer (Second Favorite)
Rosin' The Bow
Seven Drunken Nights
The Old Dun Cow
Whiskey In The Jay
Another Irish Drinking Song (Third Favorite)

So begins...

Ivan McDerfinsmear's Story

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#2013-07-14 06:35:08, as written by UtaUsagi

Alic had bought paints in reds and blues, in sunset orange and forest greens: brushes assorted in a thousand sizes, thick, thin, stiff, and loose. He hurriedly dabbed and swished the paints over the canvas, a cardinal in flight, a flower, a doe peering out from the forest mist. Twisted auburn tree trunks with a soft foggy green tone for the puffy trees, a small waterfall in the background out in the distance. Alic Sober was what he signed himself as, really his first name was Alicia, however that garish name had shut himself off from society to focus on his next masterpiece. A scene he could still remember vividly when sneaking to Tellus. Not only could he see the colors, but he could feel the grass between his toes and rough texture from the bark. He could smell the enthralling flowers swaying in the wind, hear the streams currents and waterfall crashing against the rocks. Every inch and fiber of his bone had cried out, paint me! Paint me!

That had been a week ago.

Alic hasn't left his home or socialized the slightest. Barely eaten, smoked far too many cigars, and slept little. On most nights when he couldn't sleep, and his hands were cramped up he would experiment. Stupid, silly things. For example, removing the sound from a gun as it shoots. The hallway you pass when coming in was filled with holes, writing out his name. Alic Sober continuously, over and over in different fonts and styles. Up in his bedroom was a lantern with flies in it and would screech away on his violin to it to see if it would affect their flying patterns. Things like this occupied him when sleep slipped up threw the vent shafts of his unusually tall dwelling and out into the world of natural light.

He lived in a bit of a desolate area but nowhere to far from Ivan, not to far down the shaft from the Mcderfinsmears The only people he had to hold loyalty to other than the King. When seeking time away from the constant throbbing drone of the conventional dwarves' work he would lock himself up in this 'mansion' and paint, draw, or sketch to his hearts content. No one was there to bother him and no one really tried. He noticed things others didn't and made them known ,as they should be to the world, or he felt the urge, the need, to know the utmost absolute drive to do something. They all said he had no filter, no decorum, when they were the ones who drank too much and embarrassed themselves with their lack of judgement. Perhaps it was his height? He was 5ft6", that was tall for a dwarf, not so much for any other species. His hair was a coarse black and the stubs of a beard around his face made him look far older than he really was or in some cases tougher. Either way he was mocked by what every Dwarf around him called a "Wench's beard." Currently, all he wore was a paint splattered tank top with black pants that were held one by nothing but a leather belt. No shoes. He wiggled his toes around as he inhaled the outside world's fresh air deeply through his nostrils, ah he loved that smell. The breeze blew in through the shaft, which stretched up all the way out.

Right. What time was it?

He glanced up to check the time, only to find that he never put a clock or any source of telling the date or year in his room. He viewed it as 'distraction' something that bound him to the outside world. His legs were crossed over the other, one elbow resting on his knee and putting his mouth in his palm. He tapped his fingers over his lips.

”I really want to do a landscape of, o-of a sunset in summer.” he spoke. ”Well, what are you waiting for then Alic?” then he paused, shifting his head to the side in a sharp motion as his free hand dabbed colors of what would be the sunlight on the trees. ”Oh, I don't know. For Winter to pass, and spring to rise, and then....” the man froze for a minute then with a burst yelled, ”SUMMER!” his hand flicked his paintbrush into the air causing it to splatter all over his wood ceiling and floors. He laughed hysterically, covered his mouth, coughed, and then went back to painting.

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#2013-08-09 04:02:18, as written by Rage&Pride

Ivan sat at his seat at the bar as he sipped on his pint-o-whiskey. The sight before him was amusing none the less. Dwarves were all over the place flaunting their drunkenness with big goofy smiles on their faces. This brought a smile to Ivan's face. They all looked so happy and looked like they were having fun. Most of them were on breaks from mining or wielding, while others were returning from their ban in the place. Like the dwarf who sat at the bar. He'd been coming here all the times of the day getting pint after pint after pint after pint. The poor lasse or lad that would be serving the drunken dwarf would even try to cut him off. When that didn't work though, they just decided they'd just give him some slightly dirty water or sour tea instead of rum and whiskey.

Shaking his head slightly, Ivan returned his attention to the next man that decided they treat the whole bar to a pint-o-whiskey then start up the next drinking song. "Alrighty, I'd like ye'all to start a beat, if ye may. If ye have a flute or any other instrument, I ask ye to join in with those, please." The young man said with a smile as he stepped up on one of the tables and looked around. Everyone, just like always, joined in with a violin and drums and pounding on the table. Ivan though just nodded his head to the beat. "Gather 'round ye lads and lasses, set here for awhile, and harken to me mournful tale about thee Emerald Isle. Let's all raise our glasses high ta friends and family gone, and lift our voices in another Irish drinkin' song." The man sang with the slightest glee and a smile stretched across his face. He then went on, but it wasn't until the course that Ivan himself and the whole lot of them sang up. " Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried, we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more! We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light, then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again!" The whole lot of them sang and ended in laugher and whoops at the sight of them all having an hearty good time.

After the song was finally sung all the way through, which was probably around ten minutes or so, Ivan stood and said goodbye to his friends. Yeah, they protested and questions, but Ol' Ivan McDerfinsmear had some business to attend to. He drunk the rest of his pint then left the shack. He drunkenly looked around through squinted eyes to focus them. For a moment, everything was blurry, then it got clear and he went about his business. He walked down the shaft to none other than Alicia Sobers home, of course stopping at his own home to drop off his pick axe. Once at the taller mans door, Ivan slowly lifted his hand. But, of course, he didn't knock. No, no, no, this is Ivan McDerfinsmear. He does no knocking. He just throw open the door. "Hey, laddy! Come and grab a pint with me an' the lads, wont ya'?" Ivan said, thick accent and all. But, if Alicia were to refuse, Ivan already had a Plan B. He would just have to drag the lad to the bar. Yeah, he'd do that.

"Come get drunk with me!" Ivan added with a small laugh. "Just because ya name says ya're Sober doesn't ya have'ta be!" He said this ending with a hearty laugh, finding it so funny, though it's not that funny. Just another one of Ivan's many quirks.

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#2013-08-11 00:16:11, as written by UtaUsagi

Ivans voice reached the far ends of Alics chambers, hearty laugh and repulsive invitation and all. Alic scoffed but got to his feet as he made his way through the dark hallways. Candles were scattered throughout the house giving it minimal lighting. Painting after painting was hung upon his walls and plants, far-too over-grown for comfortable living, made it almost impossible to walk around the home. He never bothered to trim his pants and most would just snap off at some point. He saw Ivan up ahead, still laughing with that gigantic laugh of his, something that warmed the depths of Alics heart.

He didn't admit it often, but he cherished Ivan as a dear friend and somewhat like a father. He never knew much about his parents because they ran off after his birth. He would have gone into adoption if it wasn't for Ivan who practically took him in, close friend of his mother. Its not like his parents left a burden on the poor old man, oh of course not. Having a kid suddenly sprout little wings, a DWARF by that matter, not strange or asking for a death sentence at all. However, Ivan was different from all the other Dwarfs in that aspect. Thank goodness. Alic leaned against a wall, staring lazily at his comrade. A huge leaf leaned in front of his face and he swatted it way. When it came back he ripped it off impatiently with a huff.

”Darn things are annoying!” he shook his head and slid his hands into his pockets some-what gracefully. ”You've got another two cents coming if you think I will be accompanying you to that ruthless and barbaric place.” he flicked some of his curly, brunette hair out of his face. ”I am not fond of those chemicals running through my blood stream. Waking up with a hang-over once was good enough for me to call it quits.” he scowled unamused at Ivan's last statement. ”And how many times must I tell you to not bring up that wretched name pun my parents gave me?” he would not show any sign of happiness or pleasure at Ivans visit to his home. Yes, he enjoyed his silence and solitary time but...talking...was welcome every once in a while, especially if it was Ivan or his family.

He never saw them much when working on a canvas and saw some frequently when helping out with blueprint designs for the weapons, contraptions, and or machinery the blacksmith create. Often times, the two would meet up and have lunch together courtesy of their lunch packed by Ivans loving wife. After work he would be lugged to the bar and forced to join in on those absurd Irish drinking songs-horrible migraines, just horrible.- and then off they went to Ivans house for dinner and chat with their family. He rarely went to his own home unless for painting and stayed with the Mcderfinsmear family. He got along with his kids better than a blood relative would. Matter of factly, now that he thought of it, the only people he was ever nice to were the McDerfinsmears. Everyone else were treated like idiotic insects.

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#2013-08-18 20:40:33, as written by Rage&Pride

"You've got another two cents coming if you think I will be accompanying you to that ruthless and barbaric place. I am not fond of those chemicals running through my blood stream. Waking up with a hang-over once was good enough for me to call it quits. And how many times must I tell you to not bring up that wretched name pun my parents gave me?" Ivan listened to Alic go on and just blew it all of with a small chuckle. "Oh calm ya'self, Alic-o-pal. Ya' don't have ta' go get ye'self drunk ta' have a good time! Ya' can just come and have a pint or two. And that pun of a name of yours is a jolly good one, it is!" Ivan said the last part with a chuckle. "Come on, let's go get a pint! It'll do ya' some good!" Ivan said as he grabbed Alic's wrist and pulled him out the door.

Walking down to the pub, you could hear the sound of laughter and singing. You could already smell the scent of beer and whiskey and various other moonshine. A big grin made it's way onto Ivan's face. "Ya' know, I used ta' make a hell of a great moonshine. Ti'was thee best in thee family. But after we had Seamus, he had gotten into the moonshine and made a big ol' mess outa' it. Ciaran made me stop da' business. It was a hearty sight though." Ivan paused his rambling and let out a chuckle. "I think the boy must've gotten ahold of some of that 'shine that day. He was actin' weird that whole day." Ivan ended his little ramble of a story as they came up to the door to the pub.

Just as they stepped in the door, someone else began a new song. "As I went home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be, I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be. Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be? Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, still you can not see, that's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me. Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more. But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before." Ivan shook his head slightly at the song that this old fool sings every time he's in here about a week of drunkenness. It's still awfully amusing. Ivan's favorite part though is the part where he first see's the baby boy in bed with his wife. A very amusing song it is.

Ivan sat at a nearby table and got him and Alic a pint-o-whiskey. "Here ya' are, Alic. A pint 'o whiskey!" He said with a slight chuckle and a grin before taking a nice big swig of his own drink and started humming along with everyone else to the songs being sang.

Setting

Artalf

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Character Portrait: Sylzara Maraua Harahrah

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#2013-08-20 23:30:21, as written by UtaUsagi

"Oh calm ya'self, Alic-o-pal. Ya' don't have ta' go get ye'self drunk ta' have a good time! Ya' can just come and have a pint or two. And that pun of a name of yours is a jolly good one, it is!" Ivan said the last part with a chuckle. "Come on, let's go get a pint! It'll do ya' some good!" Ivan said as he grabbed Alic's wrist and pulled him out the door without another notice. The crickets chirped on this fine night and the stars laid in the sky in numbers equal to young childrens wishes in this world. Only bits and pieces of the night sky could be seen through patches of the underground ceiling to their home. Moonlight shined down in thin or large strips like showers, waterfalls of light. The houses held a warm glow to their window tints and the faint sound of factories and machinery could be heard in the distance. Everyone was officially shutting down the shops and everyone would be at the pub. The pub, filled with horrific Dwarf odors that compare to no other and music that he, well, did not classify as true music. Alic loved the classics, especially Beethoven. Instrumental music helped him reach his inner artist on the highest level. Of course, no one understood. Dwarfs minds are....simple after all. As they neared the dreaded building, singing and laughter was heard. Horrible singing, to clarify.

"Ya' know, I used ta' make a hell of a great moonshine. Ti'was thee best in thee family. But after we had Seamus, he had gotten into the moonshine and made a big ol' mess outa' it. Ciaran made me stop da' business. It was a hearty sight though." Ivan paused his rambling and let out a chuckle. "I think the boy must've gotten ahold of some of that 'shine that day. He was actin' weird that whole day." A smile spread across Alics composed face.

”Seamus? Haha, I knew he was a trouble maker the second I laid eyes upon him.” his expression changed to one of seriousness, ”Or shall I say, when his airplanes propellers went into my eye balls and he thought it the funniest thing he'd seen. And the moment he pulled my hair, and the time he put explosive powder into my mech suit I was making, Remember that? Half my house disappeared. And the time-” Alics eyes widened when they had reached the doors of the pub. Headache? Yes, and he hasn't even gone inside the toxic zone yet. He could feel his IQ slipping away from him already. Just as they stepped in the door, someone else began a new song, his attention was brought elsewhere however. Sitting on the bar with his feet hanging off the chair, was an irishman Dwarf staring into his drink with passion, nostrils flaring. He watched him pick a fly out from his drink and wave it around over his beer, shouting at it.

”SPIT IT OUT!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!!” Saliva went forth from his mouth and he slammed his other fist against the metal table. Everything here was built by the Dwarfs hands. Alic could think of numerious warnings for pubs to put outside their door on a sign.

WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

And his personal favorite that he has been a victim too far too many times.

WARNING:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

Ivan sat the both of them at a nearby table and got Alic a pint-o-whiskey.

"Here ya' are, Alic. A pint 'o whiskey!" He said with a slight chuckle and a grin before taking a nice big swig of his own drink and started humming along with everyone else to the songs being sang. Alic groaned and rested his chin on the palm of his hand, fiddling around with the pint-o-whiskey. His fingers tapped to the beat of the song against the rim of his pint, catching this he clenched his drink and it went down the hatch into his stomach. There was a reason he hated drinking, drunks, and bars, because it was when men drunk that they acted like woman. 100% of the men gain weight, talke excessively without making sense, become overly emotional, can't drive, fail to think rationally, argue over nothing, and refuse to apologize when wrong. Enough said. He raised his cup for another pint.

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#2013-09-07 02:02:11, as written by firebreaker2262

Sylzara was getting tired of the bar. Quickly. She was on a mission. She didn't have time to waste drinking nasty ale or beer. Nor could she see how the Dwarves could stand to do so. Such were the thought that was flying through the elf's head as she continued to nurse the cup of alcohol in front of her.

Finally she could stand it no more. If the ones that sat in front of her were not going to take her to the one in charge, she would find another way to him, and she no longer cared if it was rude to leave at this point. Reaching into her pouch she pulled out a coin and placed on the table for the service. she then stood and began to make her way out of the pub.

It took longer to make her way out then it did to make her way in, as the dwarves were in the middle of another rowdy song and were all singing and dancing drunkenly together. She made her way past two dwarves sitting at a table her ears, and despite the volume of every one around her, heard one of the dwarves commenting to the other "Here ya' are, Alic. A pint 'o whiskey!" and saw the other bolt it down soon after nearly clipping her as he raised his glass for more.

Finally she made it outside the bar, though she had to step to the side to let more dwarves inside, to an already too full area in her opinion. Looking around she frowned. What next? she asked herself.

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