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Joseph Jackals Juniro

Depressed poet extraordinaire.

0 · 564 views · located in Purgatory.

a character in “Purgatory Remix”, as played by Jack Benimble

Description

Name: Joseph Jackals Juniro
Age: Twenty-Five
Backstage Pass: Do you know how depressingly, completely, utterly, pathetically, horrifyingly angsty you have to be for your local cult of demon worshipers to attempt (and fail) to sacrifice you to their dark lord when previously all they were known for was their wickedly good crumpets? As angsty as J.J.J was. Instead of being swallowed by the dark maw of a satan expy though, his soul was too bitter and pasty for the demon ahgodijustchippedanail, lord of all annoying accidents, and it was summarily cast out into the outskirts.

Physical Description: Have you ever seen a corpse? Have you ever seen a British person? Have you ever seen Mick Jagger on meth? Well, Joseph looks like the second one. He has a wild tangle of black hair that hangs own to his nose, his skin is shockingly white. Not white in the "I am Caucasian" way, but white in the "I am made of printer paper" way. His eyes are misty black, and he usually dresses in black and are you starting to see a pattern here? He's tried growing facial hair in the past, but that horrible rat beard that springs out every time he does has convinced him to keep it down to small wispish goatee. A black, small, wispish goatee.

Image

Joseph in a suitably depressing picture post-shaving.

Personality

Personality Description: I don't enjoy doing these since I always deviate from the intended end. So I'll just roleplay this out and make up for it with a beefy history.

Equipment

He keeps with him a large notebook filled with poetry that's been divided into three sections.

Offensive: For use in defending himself in case of attack.
Personal: His own sad, sad, horribly, sad poetry. Much better at killing people than his offensive poetry and that's why he keeps it under wraps.
Calliope: His attempts (for Calliope's sake) to make poetry that is Epic.

He also has enough pens to choke the majority of Bulgaria (excluding infants and immigrants as well as assuming he used one pen per person).

History

History:
Imagine it, foggy London in the dead of night. Men and women scuttling across the street like cockroaches when all of a sudden they see figures in hoods. Black hoods with thick lining and blood spattered gloves walked through the streets dragging a screaming man behind them. No one did anything, everyone pretended not to notice, not out of fear, but out of a relief that someone was finally killing J.J.J. Jospeh was not a well liked manchild, he mostly spent his days holed up in his flat writing sad poems or over at the local bookstore annoying any attractive goth girl he saw. People didn't like him, but they weren't ready to lynch him until he dropped his notebook and some of his poems floated out. Only then was his true power revealed. A little kid picked the poem up and read it, he cried until he died of dehydration. The mother who went to pick up her shriveled corpse of a child? She caught a glimpse of it and committed suicide using the baby.

Nearby, a cult of demon worshipers happened to be enjoying their weekly mocha and scanning the crowd for new recruits saw him. Well, after being dragged into prison for writing poetry so depressing that it magically killed people they broke him out and dragged him through the streets. No one really did anything, no one really liked him in the first place. Thankfully, even the demon didn't like him. Once he was spit out of the demon's gullet and plopped down into the outskirts of purgatory. He spent a bit of a while there, and while his walk to the city wasn't really all that eventful, the mad machinations of the outskirts gave him a special ability he hadn't had before. First, it took away his color. It made him more a sketch than an actual human being and if you stare at him long enough he'll probably ask you what your problem is and you'll almost see those lines artists draw when they try to make a face. Still, probably not a good idea to stare at him. Next, it made this discoloration affect the environment around him, so that the colors in his immediate presence seemed muted and dull.

Lastly, and most importantly it gave him the power to touch and drain things of their color, if he persists in draining something after all of it's color is gone then its lines begin to fade until it just pops out of existence. Unfortunately, this does not work on other people or anything sentient really. Still, armed with this depressing array of powers he ventured into Grand City to make his fortune. He made nothing near a fortune. He actually made a negative fortune and is still paying his debts to The Fox off. He needs to get the head of the spear that pierced Christ, the droppa stones, and three female fingers. He's a bit squeamish about that last one. Still, he has a magical sponsor to protect him, a muse of epic poetry named Calliope. She saw him one day, killing pigeons by reading his rendition of Twinkle Twinkle little star at them so he would have something to eat for dinner and she mistakenly saw some spark for epic in his soul. There was no spark, but she took him in anyway and vowed to turn him into the sort of person who could create epic poetry. She's been fighting an uphill battle but bless her little heart she tries so much.

Optional
Theme Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4
Quote: "Listen, life is like this big chocolate cake. Except when you open the cake it's full of wasps and hate and a wrinkly old person who tries to smother you in their fat folds. Then, when they finally get their hairy stomach on your face and you're about to die you realize that this wrinkly old person is you from the future."
-After a few bottles of Baileys.
"Life is suffering. And pain. And doom. Dooomy doom. Doooooooom. So doomy."
-After a few bottles of Prozac.

So begins...

Joseph Jackals Juniro's Story

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Testing....first time using chat roleplay.

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Joseph walked with his head low, his eyes too busy enjoying the pattern on the cobblestone to realize the bloody footprint trail he was leaving behind him. Who would have known that shag was so absorbent? That's why I commit all my murders on hardwood floors, the clean up is way easier. Joseph just wanted to go the bar and empty Calliope's liquor cabinet before she came back to the Tavern. Of course, while walking there he had to stumble upon a small boy and what Joseph thought looked like a flaming trap fighting it out in the streets.

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"Hmm, what? Calliope?" Joseph resisted the temptation to hug her since that wouldn't be very sad at all, but who could deny free drinks? "Oh, yeah I'd love some some rum and coke right now." The grayness about him imperceptibly lifted."Um, we? Who are..." He motioned over to Flo and Kit with his head.

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At the sound of the word "Fox" Joseph flinched a bit, remembering the reason that he went to the opium den and what he found when he went there. "Yeah, I could use a drink. I could use several drinks." He shook his head at Flo's...poem."No, no, not a single apostrophe anywhere. You need less acceptability. It's not a good poem if you can just pick up and read it."

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Joseph took a few steps back, getting away from Flo's horrible whiskey and cocaine breath. "Fine then, I think I'll take out one of my old poems. One of the ones I wrote back when I was alive."

During th' Autumn'l eve
In sinful negligee
The faithful 're bereaved
'til they find the day
Upon which....


Jospeh stopped reading when he noticed that a falafel stand owner in the corner's ears were bleeding, but he didn't seem to notice it.

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"No rhyme? There's end rhyme, and once you get to line 22 in stanza eight there's an entire section dedicated to assonance and alliteration." Joseph threw his hands up in disgust,"You just don't get poetry."

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"Am I allowed to get snookered first?" Joseph asked hopefully. "A bit of mead for my tongue, and some ale for my belly." And some rum to forget...

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*Shnookered

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Joseph lines his shots of Absinthe up and did the traditional ritual of sugar, fire, and a spoon before taking the shot. He did this seven more times. A brief flicker of, am I an alcoholic? flashed through his brain after that but twelve tequilas and three bottles of Everclear later had proved to him that he was not an alcoholic. Not at all an alcoholic.

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*lined

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Jospeh stumbled onto the stage with a scrap of napkin clutched into his hand, most would assume that it was a poem he'd been writing once he'd finished getting revenge on his liver for some crime it'd committed against him in the past, which neither of them could remember but it was actually just a crude stick drawing of Flo with the words 'blah blah blah I'm a whore' written around it."Okay, yeah, this is Triple-J up in here, about to bust rhymes like cherries." He nodded his head to an imaginary beat, realized he was a few feet away from the mike and moved closer to it.

Uh, yeah
So, they said today was a beautiful day
For the dead men who passed away
I want you take a drink and pour one out.
Yeah, alright.
What they tell young kids growing in the city
Teach em to sell them themselves for a buck fiddy
Give em a crack rock and then take all they got
Aint no love out here for real man
Taking all they can get with no shame and
They keep it all without playing the game
And we got a sucker who thinks he can rap
so give it up for Grand City's favorite trap.


Was it stupid, using Flo's own style against her? Yes. Was it very stupid, calling her a trap in front of an audience? Yes. Was Joseph drunk? Yes.

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Jospeh took the microphone and set it back on the stand, he missed the first few tries but managed to get it to click in the stand eventually."Alright, now.....alright." He shook his head a bit and started:

Oh, Flo didn't you know?
bestiality went out of style two years ago.
So did silicon and motor homes
You trailer trash bitch, do you know who you're messing with?
I'm king of depression, the lord of getting drunk, I drown my sorrows like you suck-


"HEY THERE'S CHILDREN IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT."

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"Alright,Flo I think that's cheating. You can't use premade poetry."

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"Wait." J.J.J looked at Calliope. "Entrance fee?"

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Joseph pointed towards the tower of alcoholic drinks he'd built up over the minute course of the contest. "Those had better be free."

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"Hey, Flo, you have twenty bucks on you?"

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"Wait, wait, wait." Joseph flipped his napkin over and scrawled I'll pay your entrance fee for you if you owe me. PS: Don't turn the napkin over.

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"Wait, I think I know another way to pay you. Will you take, information?"

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"What if the information involves the Fox?"

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J.J.J. leaned closer to Calliope and gave her the address of an opium den. A rather secluded, out of the way opium den. "Go there," he said, "Look at what's inside, maybe that'll be worth fifty bucks."

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