Hope Springs Retreat

---

Lindsey admired the Lorelei girl. At least she could speak up, unlike Lindsey herself. She listened too each other person, and she suddenly froze as it was Jay's turn. "What about you guys? Why are you here?" Oh dear lord.. Lindsey took a deep breath, and listened to her husband.

"I guess because... I..... want kids and she doesn't and it's become a real soft spot. I just want us to be able to communicate better and move past this."

Lindsey's eyes were huge as the doctor's happy glare focused in on her. She sat up quickly, and couldn't help her hands shaking. Why was she so nervous? "I.. I uh.." She seemed to be blank. Her mind reeled for the right answer. She stuttered nonsense, before looking at her hands. "I want to be able to get over my fears. I want to make my husband happy, and make us stronger." She swallowed a large lump. "I had a horrible childhood, and I'm afr-raid that my kids might be doomed t-to the same fate..." She blurted out, and her cheeks were a rosy pink, and she covered her mouth with her hands.

She couldn't bring herself to look at Jay, or the doctor, feeling an odd guilt wash over her. It was her fault they weren't having kids. She wasn't trying hard enough. If she wasn't so scared about the future, maybe she'd actually be able to live in the present some times.

Instead, she sat in her chair, her arms crossed, and she stared at an imaginary dot on the ground. She paid no attention to any one else's remarks. She was too.. shameful to even look at her loving husband.

---

"Yes Will, a baby. I mean that's not so outlandish we already have one and you love being a dad." She said defensively. "And I'm mentioning it now." She added crossing her arms over her chest. She had to admit it hurt that Will was giving her such a shocked and dismayed look. The laughing from somewhere in the room wasn't helping either.

"This is good" Dr. Marla said with a smile and a clap, "It's exactly what group sessions are for: openness. Lorelei, Will, we will delve into this more when we get into private sessions tomorrow. For now though, how about we continue with you two " She said motioning to the dark haired couple that approached Lorelei and Will when they first walked in. Lori wasn't too fond of the female who brought up marriage so she was happy to see the doctor focus on them.

Lori turned to Will and whispered, "Well technically I want another baby," She said widening her eyes and raising her index finger. "I didn't say it before because I know you probably won't give me another one until I marry you. Which by the way isn't fair. I love you why isn't that enough?"

The doctor looked up from the couple who was sharing to give Lori a stern look, "Lorelei I would like to remind you that other couples growth is just as important as yours," Dr. Marla said snidely.As the couples finished up Dr.Marla begin standing up again"Well I think that's enough for today." Dr. Marla said standing up. "I expect to see you tonight at the feast but until then enjoy your free time. With that she left the room.

---

A few minutes later Lori found herself in their Villa. When the group session ended she got out of there as fast as she could. She didn't even wait for Will. She needed time to think and to register the rejection from Will. On her way to the Villa she stopped by a general store in the resort and picked up some condoms which where now strewn on the bed. When she heard the door open she hissed out, "I bought us some condoms because you obviously don't want to have another child with me. Then again you didn't choose to have the first one." She whipped her head to stare at Will, "This. This is why I don't want to get married because one day you will wake up and you won't want me."

Will didn't even know how to react at first. He had known that Lori loved being a mom and loved Mia but there was no way in hell he'd thought she'd wanted another kid. As bad as it was to say Lori wasn't the most responsible person sometimes. And her family was far from supportive about him and the baby and she had never so much as hinted that she would want another one. It sure as hell didn't help the situation any that they were in a room full of strangers, all staring intently at them.

"Well technically I want another baby," She said raising her index finger at him. "I didn't say it before because I know you probably won't give me another one until I marry you. Which by the way isn't fair. I love you why isn't that enough?" All Will could manage as a response was a whispered, "What the fuck, Lori." Thankfully they were quickly drawn to the next few couples to speak and then all shuffled from the hall quickly once the session had ended.

Will was probably the last person in the room, or at least damn close to it, he couldn't tell if that one couple was still in the corner arguing about plastic surgery and something about being embarrassed in front of everyone. He sighed running his hands through his hair. He then stood up from the seat and headed back towards their room, trying not to make direct eye contact with anyone he passed on the way.

---

He was barely through the door to their villa when Lori started in on him. "I bought us some condoms because you obviously don't want to have another child with me. Then again you didn't choose to have the first one." He was about to respond when she just kept going. "This. This is why I don't want to get married because one day you will wake up and you won't want me."

He closed the door behind him hard, causing a loud enough noise to almost be considered a slam. "Don't even start giving me that bullshit." He replied. "Last time I checked, neither one of us wanted it. Neither one of us went into that night thinking 'Well now that I've hit up the casino and a few bars, it'd be great if I could make a baby tonight too.' Don't act like this is all on me. You never planned on Mia happening either. And if you really want to go there, let's not forget which one of us found out from the news and had to fly half way across the country to know for sure! You could have said something before. But no, you chose to wait and thought that dropping a bomb on me in the middle of fucking group therapy would be a great idea!"

"You won't give me another one until I marry you." Will quoted in a high whiny voice. "Why don't you act a little bit more like I'm holding a gun to your head over it. Why don't you tell everyone that I'm basically trying to force you down the aisle against your will. He shouted. "That is not fair, Lori. And I never said that love wasn't enough. But sometimes it kind of feels like you don't. So no, I don't want another baby. Flying across the country every few days to see the one we already have is more than enough. I see my baby through a camera more often then I do in person some weeks. It's kind of a pain in the ass living in two places at once, Lori. And you want to bring another kid into this? Another kid for your family to hate none the less." He asked. "Are you frigging kidding me? This is why we talk about this stuff. You don't get to go deciding this shit behind my back. Not unless your expecting this kid to be someone else's. "

Hex code: #4b6889

---

Lori flinched when Will slammed the door, he never did things like that so it surprised her. He was right neither of them planned Mia even though they both loved her. She fought back the urge to respond, rather she let him get out all of his anger. However some way between him bringing up the fact that she hadn't told him herself and mocking her she couldn't help the tears going down her face. She stood up from the chair in the middle of the floor and was headed to the room when the final straw came.

"Another kid for your family to hate none the less." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her forehead against his broad chest. "I never cared about what they thought because I love you. Will I love you enough to keep giving you opportunities to leave. You think my jealousy and even my bitchy streak is kind of cute now, maybe sassy, but what about when your forty? What about when your settled and all you want is a sweet as sugar and sane woman to make you dinner every night and read your children bedtime stories. I can do all that but I'll never be sane. I'll never not snap when somebody looks at us the wrong way. My grandparents will never get over the fact that your black and our babies will be mixed. You want to move in? I can do that because I love waking up next to you but I will not pick up me and Mia's whole lives and move across the country. "

She took Will's hand and led him to the sofa. When he sat down she curled up in his lap, "I love you so much Will and the truth is... I know you can do better, that you should do better. It just feels like if I keep you at arms length it won't hurt if you decide to leave and if we had another child you'd have more of a reason to stay. God that sounds terrible I'm sorry " She said leaning against him. She kissed him deeply, "I love you I'm sorry"

My thing posted twice for some reason. Ignore this.... ._.

---

Lindsey had followed her husband, with a little trouble because of another couple walking ridiculously slow, but she made it to the room, and as she shut the door, he turned and gave her the saddest look she'd ever seen him give. Her eyes were soft just looking at him.

"That's why you don't want to have kids? Because you're afraid that something will happen to us like when your parents were in that wreck? Why wouldn't you just tell me that?"

Lindsey swallowed. She looked down at their hands, and she didn't want to answer. "Because.." She didn't look at him, she couldn't bear it. "Because.. my parents meant the world to me, and then, they were just ripped from me, on my birthday of all days. I.. I don't want to endanger someone that's going to mean the world.. to us.." She squeezed his hand. "to something so traumatic. I mean.. I still cry some nights, and I still have nightmares, and it's been years since they've died. " She paused, and looked at his chest, not quite ready to face him.

[color=#8b0a50]"And.. you heard all the women in the that room, practically. All of them want kids. Every single one of them. Why don't I? I want kids, but I don't know if.. ugh.. Can't you just.. go get a kid from them?"

Lindsey didn't mean what she had said, but her eyes made it true. They were tearing, and she couldn't help the crying that followed. But, she knew he'd understand. He had to. She didn't run away to the bathroom to lock herself in until he gave up on his pleas to lure her back out. She didn't just leave this place.

Instead, she buried her face into his chest, and let herself break down. "I'm so sorry, Jay.. I'm sorry.." She clutched his shirt material, as she had hugged herself to him, and felt every emotion she'd bottled up coming here, coming out of her.

And of course, that's when her phone started going off again.

---

Lindsey was enjoying the long embrace, when he turned her attention towards her cell phone, and she looked at the screen. "Who is that?" She felt her eyebrows sink as she tried to think, and she looked at Jay before taking her phone and answering. "H-hello?" She let go of her husband, and she wiped her eyes with her other hand. There goes her makeup.

"Hello, Mrs. Taylor? I regret to inform you that your grandmother, Miss Claudia, passed away two days ago. We tried to contact you earlier, but left a voicemail regarding the information we need you, as you are the only reachable relative, to come to our office and take care of."

Lindsey's jaw dropped, and she looked at Jay terrified. She'd never gotten to say goodbye. Not even a recent visit to make her guilt wash away. "I.. I'll call you ba-ack." She hung up, and managed to put her phone in her pocket before clasping her hand over her mouth, and looking at Jay. "My grandmother died two days ago." She swallowed, and couldn't feel any sudden emotion.

"I.. I didn't even get to say goodbye.." She said softly, and ran a hand through her hair. Guilt washed over her like a flood, and she had a terrible aching feeling in her stomach. Were any of the other couples feeling like this? Like nothing would go right?

Will stayed quiet while Mia talked. He had kind of exploded the last time he had responded to something she said and didn't want to do that again. He was still annoyed was still angry, but he didn't want to argue with her. He hated fighting. It always felt awful and he always said things he regretted. And he always ended up just feeling bad about it for a lot longer than the argument actually lasted. When she took his hand, he followed her to the couch and sat down.

When she kissed him he placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back. "I love you too, but I can't do this right now, Lor. " He said. "You should have told me before we walked into that room. Now everyone else here thinks we're ridiculous. We're that couple who have no clue about each other. "

He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry I yelled. I lost my cool a bit on that one but its just hard to hear you say that stuff. I've worked too hard to make this work, to hear you say you want me to leave. if I wanted to leave I would have done it along time ago. Hell I would have ran fast and far while you were pregnant. You were way worse then." He said smiling softly. "I'm not going anywhere. So stop trying to make me."

Hex code: #4b6889

---

It would be a lie to say that the rejection didn't hurt but the sting subsided when he said he wasn't going anywhere. He was right, of course. If Will wanted to leave he would have already. She knew she wasn't going to marry him just yet but it was enough for her to take a more permanent step towards their family. "Ok baby," she said sweetly. She slid off of his lap and walked over to the dresser. "So do want to go for a swim with me?" She asked as she held up two swimsuits. One was a one piece that was sexy and tight but showed off a bit of side breast, the other was a pale yellow bikini that was somehow much more demure. She shook her head a put the one piece back in the drawer.

She pulled off her shorts and panties and slid on her bikini bottoms before walking back into the living room. "I just feel like it's been an intense day already and I kinda just want to have some fun," She explained pulling off her sweater and bra. She tied the top of her bikini but the bottom kept getting mixed up in all her thick hair. She sat in between his legs and lifted her hair so he could tie it. "Thanks you." She said in a sing song voice as she got back up.

Most couples had intense moments after a fight but as for as Lori was concerned the only time that was necessary was with makeup sex but given that Will wouldn't even kiss her she wasn't going to push it. She sat next to him on the couch but because she didn't really know where they stood she made no attempts to touch him. If Will was over the argument he would make an attempt to touch her. She had to admit it was strange talking about their issues since they never did but it felt like later it would be worth it.

Will didn't answer her question, not that he really had much of a choice in the matter since Lori was already picking out swimwear. When she sat in front of him and pulled up her hair he pulled the strings tightly together before tying them into a simple bow. He sighed but got up anyway and made his way to the dresser. He pulled out the pair of swim trunks he had bought and changed into them quickly fore heading into their ensuite bathroom and grabbing them each a towel.

"Okay, you ready to go swimming then?" He asked pulling open the glass door to the patio and using his arm to keep it open for Lori to walk through. Once she was through and onto the patio deck, he followed her outside and closed the door behind them. He then set their towels on the small table and made his way towards the pool.

It was a bit uncomfortable at first, the tension hanging in the air between them. He knew that Lori could be like that though, she was spontaneous and didn't always think about things in a big-picture type of way. But he still felt a bit annoyed and embarrassed about what had happened in group therapy, which really made him not look forward to doing the one-on-one sessions.

He knew that they had to work through this stuff and he really wanted to get past it all and make it work but he was used to a world that came with practices and rehearsals and preparation before everything to ensure that everything went smoothly. He was not used to being blindsided by information and certainly wasn't used to having to sit in a room and talk to someone about issues that weren't physical or to do with his team. But he was nothing if not a team player so he would be damned if he wasn't going to at least try. "I wonder if we'll be able to call and check in on Mia you know make sure everything's okay or see her or something."

Hex code: #4b6889