Twilight Sniper meticulously scienced her battle plan in the library. "When we come up the hills..." she thought, "That would be approxiamtely.... 300 meters from here. The rifle can reach up to 3,000 meters." She laughed. "Assuming the winds are neutral and Rainbow Dash cleared the skies, I would have to aim at the Heavy's chest, which would mean....BEWM, HEADSHOT!!!!11"






















'

The RED Sniper was poking his head out of the RED building on the RED side of 2Fort. They hadn't received much intel, but his suspicions were confirmed. The administrator sent some information on a new enemy, far worse than the BLU team. There weren't many details yet, but one of them was rumored to be a sniper as well. The man chuckled at the idea of an enemy sniper defeating him. But this was some kind of new enemy, so he wouldn't take his chances, especially when it was supposed to be an entirely different species, which made him wonder if it was some form of alien being that was bred to perfect sniping, like that one movie about the jungle warrior. It made the sniper shiver a little, as he reached for a cup of coffee, making sure to keep himself awake seeing as he was like paul revere in a way, having to protect the base by alerting the others to the first signs of danger. Then his thoughts went to another, even more sinister possibility…

…What if it was a woman?

The Sniper pondered the concept of a female RED or BLU team. Then he pondered the concept of boning the fem-sniper of that team if this fantasy was true. Keeping his hopes up, he reached over for an empty jar…

-

The RED pyro walked up to said hill that twilight sniper was keeping her eye on, as he sat down, and brandished a picnic basket, reaching in, and getting some "flamin' hot cheetos," along with some of his favorite, aged "Fire Whiskey" as he began to have a little break of sorts, lifting his gas mask to eat and drink every few moments. When his meal was done, he proceeded to take out what appeared to look like a freshly rolled blunt, attaching it to his gas mask, and preparing to light it...

Spotting the RED pyro, Twilight Sniper closed her finger around the trigger, and the barrel erupted in a burst of noise and flash. Searing lead flew through the Equestrian air aimed at the portly man's chest. The rise and fall of the bullet shot through half of Ponyville, lodging itself in the......

The RED Pyro blinked. He'd hunched over a moment, and somehow, his picnic basket had a bullet hole in it. Now, rather than doing the logical thing, the pyro instead began to rage a moment, and scanned his surroundings, before picking up his things, and walking away, grumbling.

-

"Oh Boy."

The Sniper came running to back up the Pyro, running past the man, and pulling his Bazaar bargain rifle, and pointing it into the direction of the opposing Twilight Sniper.

"WAVE G'BYE TAH'YER HEAD, WANKAH!" he roared, trying to shoot the armed equine.

Sawmill - 14:00 Hours

"AAAAAAATEEEEEN-SHUN!" No reaction what-so-ever from the blonde in the helmet. "Ah-hem!" The ponies' wide-eyes look up at the man.
"Yes?" She says, with a voice halfway between a whisper and a hush.
"Private! I said to get in line!" Growled the Soldier, boots stomping their way in front of the pony and staring from on high.
"You, you said 'Attention'. I don't know what you-"
"IN LINE NOW, PRIVATE!" The Soldier barks, the pony attempting to vanish under her helmet with a squeak. "PRIVATE! Get out from under that helmet and stand straight! This is no time for hiding! Now!" He said, turning on the spot towards the dummy he'd set up. It was a hastily put together potato sack stuffed with straw then attatched to a wooden pole. A bucket with a face on it made for the scarecrow Heavy's face while he'd done nothing about the arms.
"This is a representation of the enemy you shall be fighting."
"I can't reason with them?" She said.
"There isn't enough humanity to reason with, Private!" The Soldier said.
"Actually, my name is Flutter-"
"Quiet! Now! Who shall go first to smash the heavy?" The Soldier said, looking around the room with a large smile on his face. After a few awkward seconds of the Soldier looking for participation from a largely empty room, Fluttershy sticks a hoof in the air.
"Ah! Good! Thank you Private!" She trots forwards to in front of the dummy Heavy.
"Now, "Invincibility lies in the defence; the possibility of victory in the attack". We must over come his defence with our attack! You must become like a wild animal and rip that american hating dummy a new one!" The Soldier said, shaking a fist at the inanimate figure. "First! Roar at the bastard!"

Fluttershy walks up to the dummy, nervously takes a deep breath aaaand....makes a noise like kittens protesting about a lack of yarn. The Soldier sniggers.
"Come on! My Grandma could do better and she's died three times in the last month."
Fluttershy tries again...Intake of breath, rarring hersel up and....still as frightening as being slapped with a butterfly wing.
"Yep...We gotta long way to go..."

“I brought you a letter!”

The words were almost ominous. They were squeaky, bubbly, but they warned of some on coming force. A force that takes the physical form of a grey mass with anxious wings that hurriedly sling it off to its destination. Of course, there’s no telling how on spot those wings will be, not with the horrid eye sight it has to go bye.

In seconds, little Ms. Derpy Hooves canon-balled into the make-shift Heavy with an explosion of dust. After another second of rest, she sheepishly sat up, the bucket over her head, and grinning.

“I-I brought you a letter!”

She repeated herself, digging around in her brown mail-bag and picking out a big yellow envelope with the word “TOP-SECRET” stamped onto it. Derpy thrust it towards the Soldier with hopeful eyes.

Ah yes, it was intel. Ever since these two unlikely worlds collided, the Pegasus couldn’t decide which team to side with. Actually, she didn’t realize there were teams at all, or at least, she didn’t see the importance of them. She just knew that for some reason, they treasured these things called “Intel”, and so she gathered it from and for the RED and BLU teams.

Deep down, Derpy Hooves secretly hoped that if she gave them what they wanted, everyone would stop fighting with each other.

Twilight Sniper was alerted at the sight of the Pyro's squadron. Thinking quickly, she ran to the back of the library before the onslaught began. She thought about searching for a book on the matter, but there was a better plan...

She pulled out her radio.

"Calling HQ! Yeah, it's me. What? No, I'm not a merc! Do mercs sound like this? No... NO, I am not a spy! Could.... Could you just put that Celestia person on the line? Okay, fine, *princess* Celestia. Yes. Yes. No. Spike's not here to send any letters! Please? Kthx. Doo, doo, doo... Ohai Celestia! Hey. Hey gurrrrl. Yup. Wait wait wait. No. No, I haven't learned crap about friendship. No. No. NO. Yes, it's me. We already went through this, remember? Yes. Uh-huh. WHAT?!? Look, I need more than the power of friendship to beat these guys. Yes, I tried reasoning. Yeah. Look, see, this is a Nightmare Moon-level crisis, okay?! Oh, Luna's there? Oh.... So-oorry Luna! Look. I need back-up. Yes. Yeah- WAIT!! YOU'RE SENDING FLUTTERSHY!?! NO-"

The line went dead.

Sniper himself was now climbing into Twilight Sniper's shithole base, armed with his rapid fire revolver, the 'Deadpooler.' He dived over to a box, and hid behind it, overhearing a strange conversation occurring inside…

"Calling HQ! Yeah, it's me. What? No, I'm not a merc! Do mercs sound like this? No... NO, I am not a spy! Could.... Could you just put that Celestia person on the line? Okay, fine, *princess* Celestia. Yes. Yes. No. Spike's not here to send any letters! Please? Kthx. Doo, doo, doo... Ohai Celestia! Hey. Hey gurrrrl. Yup. Wait wait wait. No. No, I haven't learned crap about friendship. No. No. NO. Yes, it's me. We already went through this, remember? Yes. Uh-huh. WHAT?!? Look, I need more than the power of friendship to beat these guys. Yes, I tried reasoning. Yeah. Look, see, this is a Nightmare Moon-level crisis, okay?! Oh, Luna's there? Oh.... So-oorry Luna! Look. I need back-up. Yes. Yeah- WAIT!! YOU'RE SENDING FLUTTERSHY!?! NO-"

"Sounds like a fuckin' Wankah." Thought Sniper, crouching down, and sneaking over. He saw the mare, and chuckled, dashing over, and aiming the gun two feet from the pony.

"Allo' miss. Allow me to say, that was some fine snipin' you was doin' and I appreciate people are so into this line of work. I'll guarantee you'll probably not have gone mad…Sniper's a good job, mate. Now, turn around and show me your fugly arse!"

And sniper failed to realize it was a pony. :D

The Spy approached the library/base wearing his RED team uniform, readying his revolver as he did. Drawing the afore mentioned weapon he rounded the corner and swiftly but silently entered the building just in time to hear the sniper who may or may not have been his ally.

"Allo' miss. Allow me to say, that was some fine snipin' you was doin' and I appreciate people are so into this line of work. I'll guarantee you'll probably not have gone mad…Sniper's a good job, mate. Now, turn around and show me your fugly arse!"

"Now, now." The Spy chided the sniper in his french accent, "That's no way to speak to a lady, regardless of species." Turning to Twilight Sniper he said, "Allow me to apologize on my comrade's behalf. I am the Spy and it is a pleasure to meet you Miss...?" He left a pause for the odd creature to introduce herself.

Sniper stopped a moment, and stared at the Spy, keeping his gun trained on Twilight Sniper.

"…Bloody God Forsaken Spy." He grumbled, stepping away, and putting the gun away.

(Shortpost fail on my part)

Looking down at his cloaking watch the Spy realized it was later in the day than he had thought. "Pardon moi, I have an appointment I have to keep." He quickly made his way to the door before calling over his shoulder. "Neither of you kill the other till I get back, okay? I don't want to miss anything." And with that he dashed out the door and ran to the Sawmill. The Spy paused outside to catch his breath and then entered the building. "Hello Soldier, Private Fluttershy," hearing the ominous declaration of impending arrival of the postal Pegasus he waited until she had crashed through the ceiling before continuing his greeting, "Derpy." Then seeing the envelope he reach out a hand for it. "If I may?"

((Short post fail here too lol.))

Derpy nodded her head eagerly, the envelope flipping up and down along with it.

“Take it, it’s a letter!” she exclaimed through her closed mouth. Her eyes started to widen with excitement. She loved her job a bit too much.

Pyro happened to be in the area, and he saw Derpy, staring at her a moment, and getting an idea. He hopped on the back of the equine, and started slapping her behind to start flying or something, followed by several muffled shouts that sounded like "DO YOU KNOW HOW TO COOK!? :D WOMEN ARE SUCH GREAT COOKS!"

It was strange...

The Spy took the letter, thanking Derpy moments before the Pyro started doing... whatever it was that he was doing. "Um, hello Pyro." he awkwardly greeted the currently Pegasus-mounted person. "If I may ask, what on Earth are you doing?"

"Mff mrrff Mrrff mfff mrrff mff. rrraaaaah, ruhruhrahrah rah rah!" Went Pyro's muffled speech, and various random gestures, ranging from hand puppets, to inserting his left hand's index finger into his right hand's index finger and thumb which had made a circular form back and forth, followed by several other motions as not to indicate any malevolent intentions, as he waited for Derpy to move.

Derpy let out a surprised whinny before launching her front hooves up, shaking them around and then finally falling onto her back. Her wings started flapping around wildly as she started spinning herself around on the floor.

“I’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRY” The Pegasus repeated to herself, almost thinking it was an enemy that had occupied her back, and that he was angry at her for stealing said letter.

Putting the letter in his pocket the Spy reached out a hand to help Derpy up. "It's alright nobody is trying to harm you." he explained before adding under his breath "Although Pyro may have been trying to initiate some sort of inter-species mating ritual." The Spy reached out his other hand to help the Pyro to his feet. "I hope you weren't. The Administrator probably wouldn't be happy about that."

Twilight Sniper was taken aback at the sight that her wonderful base had been breached.

(Sorry I was gone for so long)