Evangeline "Angel" Linetta
"Lady Sand Witch..."
Lady Sand Witch...?
"I apologize for intruding your castle, Lady Sand Witch... please do not become angry at our 'unexpected' arrival... We are merely searching for our Mistresses and our brothers. We swear upon our honor that we shall leave this castle once we have found our missing brothers and Mistresses... Please put your magical staff down, Lady Sand Witch... We do not wish to cause you or your companions any harm..."
Angel's mouth fell open as she stared from the turquoise haired woman to the carrot in her hand. "My magical staff," she spoke slowly, as if if she'd spoke too fast, the scarred woman would faint and crumble to pieces. Clearly, she was... Unstable, to say the least. The poor dear. "Sweetie, I don't think you know where you are," she began, reaching gingerly for the stranger as if to disarm her of her robes. "It's okay, whoopie pie. Mommy'll take care of you." Angel awkwardly clasped her breast with her non-bleeding hand - she'd read somewhere that babies were attracted to breasts so... She supposed it worked the same for the mentally ill?
"E-Eva! What's happening? Are you alright?!" Nadine appeared near by, her lovely features and rose-painted cheeks moulded into one of severe worry. Before she could tell Nad to step back and run, she'd continued talking. "You! Y-you're... No way... You can't be...! But... you're the same...! You're the man in the ring, aren't you? The one I dreamed about!"
Are they- "Oh...oh by the gods and all of nature that is...hooo...that is certainly a sight to wake up to." Angel pulled her eyes of molten gold away from sweet Nadine to fall upon - "Michelangelo..." she whispered aloud. The man was humongous, with the face of marble - it seemed as if he'd been sculpted from the hands of the world's most gifted artists. Angel dropped her gaze to the floor, finding herself distrusting him immediately, despite herself. He was so big and intimidating.
Oh god, they were here to kill them. The large man would carry them away to some underground cellar, the woman would strip them of their clothes, the couch pole would turn them into reversed mermaids and-
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?!" -and he would force them to eat... Olives.
"That isn't good," said a masculine voice. He sounded incredibly soothing and manly and god-like and handsome and- "Heilen der Wunde" Angel stared at her bleeding hand - now sealed shut with no trace of injury left.
She screamed.
"OH MY FAIRIES! Oh Heavens, oh lord, oh holy balls of mary," she yelled, smacking her palm repeatedly against nearby furniture as if it were an insect she had to rid herself of. "I am sorry for eating that sandwich, Brian. I was hungry. I was just hungry." Angel collapsed into a corner, facing the wall like a dejected child as she hugged her knees to her chest. "O Holy Goddess of Mercy, save us from the depths of hell. IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!"
Jumping to her feet, Angel tackled Kyoko to the ground, shielding the beautiful girl with her own body. "Hide, Kyoko! The End is before us..." The wavy-haired girl swivelled around to leap rather dramatically into the tall statue of a man. Wrapping her limbs around him, she gripped his head furiously as she clung onto him like an overgrown koala. "We must escape before the Flying Spaghetti Monster descends. We must survive - for the future of the humanoid species and the grandparents of our babies. We must go on." Angel pointed sternly at the turquoise-haired female and the sandy-haired man as she commanded, "You, get all the cloth you can find. Zombies are afraid of 100% cotton."
"Girls, we must gather all available gardening tools to prepare for the inevitable depletion of food resources. It's okay, spoons will work." Angel crawled upwards until she sat upon the tall man's shoulders, her thighs wrapped rather tightly around his neck. Her head nearly touched the ceiling with their combined height. "The rest," she waved a hand briskly at the dark haired man - was that a staff? - she'd tackled. "Moral support."
Bending backwards, Angel hung upside down, her ankles clasped chokingly around the large man. He was tall enough that she could not touch the ground with her body fully stretched. It looked as if she'd have to wing it. Angel unwrapped her ankles and dropped dangerously onto her palms, dropping her legs and bringing herself to a stand.
Angel pitter pattered to the house phone, picked it up and dialled 911. "This is the Iowa Police Department. Please state your emergency," spoke a monotonous voice on the other hand.
"There are four boys in our house," Angel said drowsily, just to be met with silence on the other end.
"Remember to use protection," said the voice on the other end. Angel stood for a long moment, the phone still against her ear long after the police had hung up. Slowly, she placed the phone back where it should be.
As if in a trance, Angel proceeded to press herself against a wall, her forehead making an audible thump as it dropped against the bricks that held the house in place. The bricks that held her in place but did not seem to be doing their job. Slowly, she pulled herself away from her corner to walk mechanically to her loaf of freshly baked bread.
"I hope you're not vegetarian."
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Coffee, tea, milk, orange juice, fruits, bacon, eggs, ham, sausages, sliced bread, chocolate croissants, baguettes, Nutella, peanut butter, jam, scones and cream sat upon the long dining table. The fragrance of food filled the entire house with homely scents, almost disguising the rather apparent awkwardness.
The bell rang.
"Coming!" Angel called a little too cheerfully, putting down the wet cloth after cleaning the entire house for the third time - she was a nervous neat freak, that was for sure.
"How may I-" she began as she opened the door - just to slam it hard in her uncle's face. Angel pressed her body against the wooden frame, snatched a nearby envelope and threw it at the girls to get their attention - just to have the paper flutter uselessly to the floor, a foot away from where she stood.
"Evangeline?" her uncle called from outside. Angel opened the door a slither of a fraction, peeking the top of her head out into the world outside. "Aren't you going to let me in?" her uncle asked impatiently, scratching his unshaven chin.
"Uh... Uh..." Angel began. "We're on our periods!"
Her uncle blinked before slowly asking, "All of you? At the same time?"
Angel nodded quickly.
"Hey, where did you get that?" her uncle began, snatching Angel's wrist to stare at the ring that sat on her finger. The bat's black jewels glistened in the sunlight, its knowing eyes winking as if it had a secret to tell. Angel snatched her hand away, which was uncharacteristically rude and unfeminine of her. She felt strangely protective of her precious ring as she cradled it in her other hand.
"Nothing," she replied quickly.
"Are you sure? You sh-"
"Bye, uncle! WE'RE NAKED!" she yelled before ushering her Uncle Bob away and closing the door. Angel slid down the length of the wood to sit on the floor, trying hard to suppress her forced breathing. Her illness made her frail and it was worse when her heart beat too quickly. Today had been full of one too many excitements. Her breaths came in short gasps as she wheezed, burying her mouth under her palms so no one would have to know.
It was getting harder and harder to breathe.
Annetta von Duerr
"Ah, push it - push it good. Ah, push it - p-push it real good. Hey! Ow! Push it good!" Salt n' Pepper sang from the speakers of her iPhone 5. Bloody hell. Annetta moaned, burying herself deeper into the mattress and the arms of two men whose names she could not remember and whose names she never would. Identities didn't matter, as far as she was concerned. All she cared about was the presence of appropriate body parts. Or not. She was always up for an unusual adventure.
Annetta reached over the naked skin of a blonde man - a model, if she'd remembered corrected - to fumble for her glowing iPhone. The room was incredibly dark which meant only one thing - either it was 3 freaking AM or the curtains had been drawn closed. Okay, that was two.
"Whaaaat?" she groaned, pressing the phone to her ear.
"We've found them," announced the raspy voice of a man who'd smoked too many cigarettes.
"Found what? Your manhood? Please, tell me more, tell me more. Does it have a car?" she sing-songed as she crawled over the sprawled bodies. Honestly, these people slept like Canadians. Ugh, Canadians... The very thought of- Oh lord, did she bed a Canadian? Two Canadians? Heavens help her, she would now have to sleep with a dozen more non-Canadians to wash away her sins. Oh woe was she.
"We've found the rings."
Annetta stilled, her smooth legs half hanging from the bed. "You are certain of this?" she asked.
"Yes, most certainly. I saw the Bat Ring with my own eyes." Well, that wasn't very comforting. The man was ancient, like, practically 25.
"Where?" she asked, anyway. Annetta pulled on her clothes, hopping about as she held her phone with her bare shoulder.
"On my niece," came the reply.
"On your niece," she repeated. "As in, on her? On, on her?"
"Yes."
"Daaaayyymmmnnn, boy's got his priorities straight. Wake up after a thousand years, deflower a young girl." Annetta clutched her chest and wiped an invisible tear from the corner of her eye. She kissed her fingers and held them up towards the sky beyond the ceiling. "Respect."
"He didn't- It. Not. No. She. He. They. I'm sending you the coordinates," flustered the voice on the other end of the line.
Bob was a funny guy.
After disconnecting the call, Annetta dialled a familiar number she'd taken the liberties of memorising. She was such an active leader - she remembered one phone number. Miracle. "Oh, baby," she moaned when he picked up his phone. "I need you right now. Put it in me. Please, oh god, I need you.
"I want food, you sick pervert. Tsk, tsk. You're such a naughty boy, Gou," she teased, laughing loudly. "Come pick me up and take me. I'll be waiting for you," she said in her sultry, breathless voice, kissing her palm before hanging up on her bodyguard. He was a real stick in the mud - but a real attractive stick in the mud. She had the privilege of seeing him shirtless and damn, boy had abs.
Opening the window, she swung her bare legs around to stand on the ledge, laughing manically as the wind threw her blonde waves against her face. She was dressed in little more than underwear and was very, very far from the ground but there was nothing like a morning dose of adrenaline. Looking behind her, she realised she was, surprisingly, very close to this "Evangeline" and her friends. Wonderful. It appeared she would not have to travel very far. Gripping the crevices of the building and scrunching her bare toes against the ledge, she began to scale downwards. She wasn't afraid because were she to fall, Gou would catch her.