Snippet #2444886

12 Days After The Castle Ball....Dusk

Jake stood quietly staring until Luckas had gone far enough to be out of hearing range. Heaving a small sigh he gave Ess a curious look. “So, I think maybe I do want to know what is it with the two of you. Still have your dagger by the way.” He mumbled.

Ess’ smile faded, averting her gaze purposely away from Jake while moving towards the tree he was leaning against. As if she didn’t hear the question she reached up towards a low branch and clung to it, swinging casually before tucking in her legs, arms pulling her form up in a ball so that she could flip her legs up and over the branch, between her arms before releasing, hanging upside down. As she continued to swing she smiled. “...That’s where I left the dagger, I couldn’t really remember where I dropped it...I will be needing that back.” Ess giggled. “You look funny upside down...ha remember when we would swing from the Oak...”

Jake watched Ess with a mildly amused smile as she hung upside down from the tree, obviously not missing the fact that she was avoiding his questioning. “You dropped the dagger after you... Uh... pointed it at my face...” He chuckled. “I left Jacob Bear with the Captain, but I kept the knife because I wanted to have a better look at it. It’s pretty sharp, I cut myself with it three times.” He stated, pulling the dagger from his belt and offering it to her and heaving a little sigh. “And you’re avoiding my question, Ess. And I would know because I do that all the time.”

Unhooking her legs, she let herself fall to the ground a little ways, landing upon her hands, her feet quickly meeting the ground before she stood. Tossing her curls aside she nodded, taking the blade held out before her, tucking it along the hem of her pants and into her boot. “Yea, you should see the sword.” She smiled. “You should be more careful with it...last time I used it was on this guy named Scott...took away that...’Ego’ of his..” She paused, “No..wait....Was at the Ball when I saw Ebony again...Goes through flesh like butter.” Nodding at the whereabouts of her nostalgic bear she gave a tired shrug. “Why talk about it, when I know you are going to dislike anything I say about Luckas because you obviously and notedly stated how much you despise him.” Ess sighed, lavender eyes searching Jake’s deep blues. “He’s MY FRIEND...Jacob.” She stated firmly, her voice remaining soft as she spoke. “I’ve grown quite fond of him..and we have a bit of a....’history’ you could say.”

“I have seen the sword, remember?” Jake snickered. “The day you got it?” He sighed, sitting at the foot of the tree and scratching the back of his head, absently fiddling with a few longer strands of his hair as he spoke. “True, I do despise Luckas... I’m pretty sure I always will, but I’m not asking about Luckas, I’m asking about you. Don’t want you thinking you can’t talk to me because of this... I mean... I’m not trying to change you either, I’m just concerned. And I know you don’t want me to kill him, but if he was to hurt you then I’d just have to. I’m a reasonable guy, but I don’t like my family messed with, you know.” He held back an annoyed growl as he added. “Besides, he said he talked to Crys and know you were there too...”

“Aww, finally get to keep your promise to me, is that it? My own personal, Black Knight?” Ess smiled wide, the points of her teeth peeking out from her lips. “Of course I will not deter your concern, but I believe he won’t hurt me....He’s had too many chances...” Again she sighed, a momentarily confused look in her eyes when Jake mentioned Crys. “Oh...the Inn, when I first saw Crys stab Sheila with a Sai..” Ess giggled. “I don’t know what was said, they were only chatting maybe a minute..didn’t seem like anything you should be worrying about, if that’s where this is going..” Ess kneeled down before Jake, noticing how much darker it was getting now, eyes darting for some candles or something to help her eyes adjust. “I can give you the short version...and If you want the long version...just another reason to read the journal I know you still have.” Ess’ voice lowered timidly. “Maybe you’ll find a reason to not like me as much though...” She shrugged. “It’s up to you, Jakey.”

“I’d much appreciate it if Luckas would keep away from Crys... As you may or not have noticed, he’s not all too discreet about the things he’s seen in my head. I’m in enough trouble as is with her without him bringing up her mother or some other thing like that.” Jake said, still fiddling with his hair as he spoke, his eyes lighting up a brighter tone of blue as stopped to think, his mind tracking back to the things Aiden had told him... Not sure if he wanted to bring that up at all. “There are more ways to hurt someone than the obvious ones you know. So, what I think is that being so fond of Luckas may not be a good thing; no matter what his intentions are exactly...” He sighed, not sure if he was even making sense. “I was going to give that back to you... Wasn’t sure if you wanted me to have it or if you were just throwing the nearest thing or whatever... I just tucked it away in my bag with...” Jake trailed off as he suddenly remembered something and jumped up, rushing into the tent. “Hang on a minute!” He called, going through the dark tent until he found a lamp and got some light. Setting the lamp down he grabbed his bag and carefully went through it until he found what he’d rushed in there to get, stepping out a again holding the lamp and a folded sheet of paper, calmly sitting back by the tree and placing the lamp down. “Was going to build a fire, but got a bit interrupted there...” He mumbled quietly before unfolding the paper revealing the portrait of a woman, all in black and white except for bright blue eyes. “Here, I promised Jess that whenever I saw you again I would show you this first thing. It’s... My mom.”

Ess was contemplating how to delicately express her opinion back to Jake on his ideas when he seemed to interrupt himself with a sudden thought. The random excitement caused Ess to blink a few times in confusion before chuckling a bit, the scene reminding her of when he was little. It was nice to see that some things hadn’t changed, however small and subtle they may be. At the mention of Jess, a dull ache crept up from her stomach into her chest but Ess still smiled, her fingers outstretched to receive the drawing. Ess gasped in delight, remembering how she had given Jess some tips and ideas on how to draw something from memory, the girl wanting so very much to have something tangible to show Jake of their mother. “Jake....it’s...bea-.....your mom is beautiful....she looks like Jess...or...Jess looks like her...” She took in a deep breath, silently taking in the detail and how the eyes stood out amidst all the rest, similar to Ess’ own style. “....I miss her....” Ess whispered suddenly, still keeping her smile as she carefully handed the drawing back to Jake. “Speaking of drawings, the journal you can hold onto for a bit...read it and then give it back. There are...more drawings inside of it too. If you want..” Her voice cracked, “There’s a picture of Jess I re-did, I’m sure you’d like it. I’ve gotten much better, if you can believe it...course many of my drawings have taken on a..darker aspect, as of late....but honestly, she did a wonderful job, Jake.”

Shaking the distraction from mind, she backtracked to what she had been thinking of prior. “Jake...” She began, pausing in silence before continuing slowly, keeping her tone as gentle as possible. “ Luckas is my friend..so as my friend I treat him as an equal...I do not have him on some sort of leash...so if he desires to make friends or talk to whomever..he’s going to...and if you’re concerned about him mentioning things you’d rather him not, it seems like that’s your responsibility, not Luckas’. If there are things Crys does not know about..you best tell her soon because I know for a fact, us women tend to find out ALL. If she finds out from someone else or some other circumstance, you could lose any chance you have of holding onto her. Just saying.” As if trying to pick her next few words, her smile opened and closed, coinciding with her thoughts. “..I do appreciate the concern, but the idea of Luckas hurting me in other ways than the obvious, can be said about anyone...Even you Jake. I can’t live in fear and doubt all the days of my life...besides...there’s just something about him....Do you want me to start from the beginning? Even if you won’t agree, maybe you’ll understand why I feel and think the way I do..”

Jake simply nodded his way through the conversation regarding his sister, remembering how his reluctance to ever talk about her had been pointed out to him by Crys and Lena over and over as something he needed to deal with; even if he did agree with that, it wasn’t something he was willing to do right this moment. He stayed in his half-trance, looking down at the drawing as it was returned to him without actually seeing it through blurry eyes until the conversation went back to its previous subject.

He quietly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand as he heaved a sigh to Ess’ words. “My responsibilities to Crys have absolutely nothing to do with Luckas at all, which is precisely my point. What I tell her, where and when, is something I need to take care of myself, whenever I even get her to listen to me. Has nothing to do with Luckas. At all. The fact is that Luckas will say and do whatever the hell amuses him without giving a shit and this is something that matters to me. Nonetheless... I don’t recall asking you to put a gag on him or anything. If he is your friend as you say though, then maybe... Just maybe... He’d listen to you.” He muttered. “I’m not pulling this out of nowhere either, Ess... He’s done it before. Back then I could overlook it because it was not a big deal, but this is. Unlike him, I’m not a kid anymore and I should have the right to handle this like a man.” He ran a hand over his eyes and sighed. “Yes I’m being stupid and paranoid, it’s really THAT bad of a mess I’m in.” He chuckled softly, honestly trying to find some amusement in the whole thing. “As for how he can hurt you... Yes, that’s true. And all things considered I know that pointing this out makes me a hypocrite, but you know... Even though I want him as far away as possible, I’d hate to see you suffer because one day he decides to just up and vanish, or do something ridiculous and get himself stabbed in the face. I know there’s probably little to be done about that, but I’m just saying.” He snickered. “So there goes my favorite dream; stabbing Luckas in the face. Damn it.”

Taking to a more serious tone he nodded, finally folding the drawing again and looking her in the eyes. “If... You want to tell me, or try to explain things from your point of view, you know I’ll listen. I’m not quite so sure I can understand though.”

“Well, I think it’s safe to say then, that we agree Luckas shouldn’t interfere. I will mention something, but obviously I can’t make any promises....and yes you are paranoid, but not stupid, Jakey. Maybe stubborn...but that’s just a family trait, no?” Ess was quite moved how Jake continued to show his concern over her well being; mind, body and soul. She tried to force a disapproving glare when he mentioned stabbing Luckas in the face, but ended up covering her mouth trying to hide the series of giggles that plagued her. When she finally calmed she shook her head. “Remember Jakey, what I told you long ago about making your own decisions on life? That’s what I’m doing. I just want you to see that, and that’s what I mean by ‘understanding.’”

Ess closed her eyes, literally starting from the beginning in her summary of how she met Luckas. She felt somewhat shameful to mention what she had been doing to even put herself in such a situation in the middle of the night, and so her eyes remained shut, afraid of seeing disappointment from her friend. Ess summarized how she came up on him some time before Lena had ‘found’ him, momentarily interrupting his ‘meal’ and how he didn’t harm her but tried to erase her memory. Obviously that did not work, and even though she mentioned the dreams, she purposely left out the new information on how her and Luckas shared a telepathic link of some sort. Ess was afraid Jake would not understand; perhaps even believing that it had something to do with the reason she felt the way she did. She did spend much time explaining the irony in running into him again the night she met the Captain and finding out how he had taken care of a ‘small domestic problem’ or two since they began their acquaintance. Ess went over the Xypher encounter and how she met Lena and basically everything up to the other night. Yes, she understood his predatory nature. Yes, she had taken part in things Jake may disapprove of, but she also made sure to remind him of the things she told Jake of herself the night they were drinking.

“Maybe...I admit, I could be acting foolish.” Finally her eyes opened, shifting nervously from Jake’s to the lantern before her. “..It’s just every inch of my...’soul’ is telling me there’s more to this guy than he tends to show most of the world. I am beginning to think I’ve witnessed some of it. I do understand him, for at least a good portion of what I’ve seen. I see myself in some ways. That I don’t expect you to understand, but mostly because you know the part of me from when we were kids and now I’m not just that girl but something more. Something, I wonder if one day may turn you from me.” She allowed a slightly saddened sigh to escape her, her expression hinting at a look of defeat. “He’s just a friend, Jake. Least as far as I can tell, even though something inside me screams for more.” Her voice trailed off almost inaudible. “That probably just grosses you out I bet..but it’s the truth....I can’t help the way I feel, especially since I’ve never had this...these series of emotions.”

Jake remained still and silent as he listened; even when he felt like he wanted to say something he’d kept to himself, not wanting to interrupt. The whole time Jake’s expression was one of interest as he watched his friend’s face, trying to somewhat guess what she was thinking as she told her story. While he didn’t think he was successful, he could obviously tell that some of the things she was telling him were not easy ones to say and he thought maybe he caught a bit of apprehension in her tone, as if she was wary of his reaction in a way; a wariness that was later voiced, as she mentioned how she’d changed from the girl he knew as a kid.

Jake was silent until Ess had spoken her last word, and a few moments after she had finished speaking, feeling somewhat unsure of which of the many thoughts on his mind was the dominant one; especially regarding her particular feelings for Luckas. He couldn’t lie to himself and pretend it didn’t bother him. It bothered him very much, but he couldn’t judge someone for their feelings, right? Even if he disagreed, even if he disliked it... Even if it almost angered him a bit. He couldn’t judge, and he couldn’t impose his wishes and views on Ess; it would be an unfair and cruel thing to do, she didn’t deserve that and he wouldn’t be her friend if did so. After a nearly full minute of silence Jake heaved a soft sigh and finally spoke. “I’m not going to lie to you, Ess. There’s a great part of me that wishes you’d feel different, or at least not as much, and it frustrates me, but... Well... Crys once told me how it’s wrong to expect or demand that someone change what’s in their heart. That to ask someone to neglect or deny their feelings was like asking them to cut off a piece of themselves. I couldn’t possibly wish to cut off any piece of your heart even if that piece happens to be Luckas. And if I neglect the fact that he’s the one we’ve been talking about I’d say you deserve these feelings, they’re awfully important ones to feel. I can’t quite be happy with it, but I can... Understand... I guess...” He leaned back staring upwards as if trying to see some starlight amongst the tree branches above his head. “Doesn’t mean I won’t break his face next time he pisses me off though.” He added, annoyance in his tone although a slight amusement seemed to be hiding underneath. As he lowered his gaze back to Ess he gave a half smile. “I’m curious if you wondered something though... What if you hadn’t run into Luckas that first night, or later in the castle? Where do you think you would be?”

Essence relaxed a bit, her eyes closing again, a long breath escaping her as she nodded. “Perfectly fair....” Opening her eyes, she looked surprised, and what one would see as a look of pride as she spoke. “...When did you get so big, Jacob? I mean...you’re growing up...or you’ve grown up...just so odd, this time skip I’m experiencing.”Ess smiled, rolling her neck along her shoulders. “ Ah...you seem like you had some good people in your life...makes me feel better some for not being there...Crys, she sounds like good people...Makes me look forward even more to speak with her again.” Playfully she reached over and ruffled up his hair, giggling softly. “I will most definitely give you the same respect back, with this situation...with any situation. “

Essence began running her fingers through the ends of her curls thoughtfully at Jacob’s questions; tilting her head forward to that she was looking up, she began tugging at her bangs. “Hmm....I …” She sighed. “I can’t really answer that, can I? I mean, it didn’t happen that way and what is...can not be changed. But I get what you are asking....” Resting her chin in the palm of her hand, she propped up her head, elbow against her thigh. “Well....If I didn’t meet him the second time, I know I’d be still wondering about him. Either way, if I didn’t meet him in the first place or at least the second time, I know I’d still have found my way here; to the Captain, and to you. Maybe....I know there most likely wouldn’t have been the Xypher encounter...but those men in my house..then again, I may not be alive still. I was...” Ess paused, shaking her head slowly. “...I don’t know if this is a fair question, Jacob.” She sighed, moving to speak and then looking up at him, lost. “I...maybe would not know about my brother....about this miracle that I have a living son... Something, I’m sorry to say, you can not understand how it feels. Something that was stolen and then impossibly returned... maybe you do...” Ess trailed off, lightly massaging her temples, a bit of blood glistening along her bottom lip from where she bit down. “I was....in a very bad place before I met Luckas....I don’t wanna talk about it...” Ess shied away from Jake, holding her head still in her hands.

Jake heaved a small sigh, watching Essence with concern in his eyes. “I’m sorry, you’re right, it’s not a fair question. I know that. It’s not fair to even ask myself these things. Dwelling on what could have been, and what can never be, is an unfair thing. I think... Sometimes it’s just amusing, in a somewhat cruel way, how things turn out. When I was just a kid, right after Jess died I was given a choice to make and if I had chosen differently I wouldn’t have been in the forest, I would have been in Blackpond to answer your letters, and a lot of the painful things I’ve gone through wouldn’t have happened. And I think about that all the time. If I had chosen differently I wouldn’t have any reason to hate Luckas, because I would probably not have met him at all... And that’s a bit funny, I think. And yet, I probably wouldn’t know just about anyone I call a friend today.” He trailed off, thinking about it for a few moments. “Guess there’s just too many ‘what ifs’ in the world for one to keep track of... Millions of them for one single decision, I’d say... So I guess it is rather unfair of me to try to ask you to measure the impact anyone has had in your life.” He snickered. “Too much of this thinking and you’ll end up crazy like me.” He played.

Ess suddenly looked up, a flicker of curiosity in her eyes. She slowly nodded, absorbing Jake’s words before shaking her head whispering, “I’m pretty sure I’m not considered sane, my friend.” Ess snickered. “I know I like how many things are turning out. I think some are a fair trade for the pain I’ve suffered, and some are not. Just an exchange of ups and downs, really. Reminds me....” Ess smiled, her eyes lighting up when she realized how this conversation kind of was similar to the one Luckas had with her the night of their ‘interrogation’ of Xypher. “..Reminds me of when I was asked basically if it was worth having memories...good or bad and if ignorance was really bliss. It ties in with disrupting who we are now. Maybe if someone wished to be..someone else...” Ess held back an ironic giggle. “I think sometimes we are just confused or lost. I know I was.”

“Hmm...” Jake mumbled, scratching the side of his head absently as he thought. “Ignorance can be somewhat blissful I think. In some cases. When it comes to personal memories though, I think that being left to wonder can be somewhat... Maddening. If you feel the need to find answers then you’re probably not better off without them.” He shrugged. “In general though... Ignorance can be blissful. I think there are things in the world that people are just not equipped to handle, and certain truths are amongst those things.” He snickered softly. “Lena always used to tell me that she believed fate to be the most frightening thing... I think that if I think about it I have to agree, I mean... It is surely frightening how little control we have over the person we turn out to be. Sometimes it seems like everyone else in our lives has more of a say on the matter than we do.” He opened a rather cheerful smile as he went back on the conversation a little and added. “Suppose I did have some great people in my life. And hopefully I will again soon enough.”

Ess nodded, still listening to Jake carefully. “Fate....is a scary thing...but exciting and amazing too. It baffles me how so many people I’ve met, know each other; how things have a tendency of working out better than expected, at least in the long run. It...makes me reflect quite a bit on who I was, who I still am and who I could be in the future. Lets not forget the simple fact of the matter, how amazing it is that we are still breathing.” Going silent, Ess gradually shuffled to her feet, her belly gurgling suddenly. “Before I forget...Captain said you could help me on the next level of my poison training..Is it true?” Ess smiled. “Funny, how I was dabbling in such things when we were little...I wish....I had more of the innocence you did as a child, Jake. I was always jealous and envious of it...was one of my favorite things about you when we were little. You reminded me how I wasn’t completely cold and empty inside...” She cut herself off with, “..It’s hard to explain...maybe you should just read the journal..It’s easier to see the change than explain it, I think, but no pressure...except the pictures...I do want you to look at them.”

Jacob smiled, absently reflecting on those strange little coincidences that seemed to just be way too common in Valcrest. Seemed as if everyone in the land was connected somehow, whether they realized it or not. His eyes following Ess’ movements as she stood, he interrupted his thinking and opened a slightly wicked grin at her question about poison training, remembering exactly how he got to learn it in the first place. “I can help you, sure. Are you sure you want me to though? Lena was my teacher, and I only know her methods... Twins bless the woman, but she was a maniac.” He chuckled, softly. “And why do you suppose I started in the first place? You used to hide your books in my secret basement... And Jess used to constantly tell me that the best way to write properly is to read everything you can get your hands on. I couldn’t understand most of it back then, but still... Some coincidences are not that coincidental, I’d say.” Looking up at her and not standing up himself, Jake tilted his head in thought. “You know... I think... No one stays innocent for as long as they should anymore. I wasn’t innocent for as long as I would have wanted, but suppose that in order to survive in this world... Something needs to be sacrificed, right?” He sighed, again looking upwards towards the hints of night sky amongst the branches. “I’ll be sure to read it soon, probably later tonight if I can’t bring myself to sleep again.” He smiled softly. “It’s about dinner time, I wouldn’t want to keep you from it too long. After all, Twins only know what’ll happen if you let your psychotic stalker go hungry.” He teased.

Ess’ eyes playfully widened, teasing a look of fright. “..Lena methods, eh?....Well, Captain’s orders...” Ess smiled. “..Why am I not surprised you found those books...always were too smart for your age.” Her smile dwindled to a slightly disappointed smirk. “..Guess it’s not all coincidences and ironies. It’s like you said though, some things maybe some people shouldn’t know because they can’t handle....yet..” Ess paused, following Jake’s gaze upwards towards the sky. “...You and I both know from experience, when faced with the ugly truths, we surprise even ourselves what we can understand and deal with. I personally am a believer in no secrets..no matter the cost. I would rather know what my brother has done, then continue on in this world in ‘Blissful ignorance’, especially if my knowing and my actions can stop him and help someone besides myself.” Turning to walk away she sighed, finding Jakes words on not sleeping and she froze. She stared Jake dead in the eye, void of any emotion, yet she was feeling a mix of concern and more of the eerie irony she felt earlier. “Jake...do you have nightmares too or do you just not sleep?” She went to speak again but smiled, shaking her head. “Eh...it’s all in there...everything one could hope to learn about me. But..I don’t sleep much either...at least lately.”

Wandering off into the shadows, she couldn’t see a thing in the darkness, yet she knew the grounds and it’s surroundings like the back of her hand now, knowing where to watch for fresh piles of wood, random mole holes and tree roots that snaked beneath her feet. Her childlike giggles echoed after her at the thought of an impatient Luckas waiting in his normal spot beside the Oak, and she only slowed her pace, a sweet smile curling her lips.

“Yes, but isn’t it selfish to expect others to be as strong as you are?” Jake whispered absently, replying to Ess’ statement about her brother, but also thinking of other unrelated things of his past. He simply nodded at her questioning on his lack of sleep, only then realizing he had mentioned it in the first place, and remaining silent just letting her speak further without giving any answers. He remained seated in his spot and somewhat lost in thought for a few moments even after Ess had wandered off, until finally he moved to enter his tent and return his sister’s drawing to its place inside his bag.