"It's like one thousand paper cuts soaked in vinegar.
Like the battles with yourself, that leave you insecure.
It's all just a numbing charade,
until the day you finally wake up and you're not afraid."
There it was again. That god awful feeling that everything in her stomach was about to come out completely. She hated doing this. Hated it. Tugging on a lightweight jean jacket, Avery shoved her feet into a pair of Vans sneakers that have seen much better days. Reaching down to grab her wallet, she shoved it into the back pocket of her shorts. Her hands were shaking, and her jaw was clenched tight. Pulling a cigarette out of the pack she kept tucked in her bra, she lit it without hesitation and turned to look down at the bed she was standing before. She'd wanted new sheets for a while, but not having sufficient funds left her with the hole-filled ones she was staring at. Just another thing to add to her list.
Inhaling a puff of smoke, Avery's stomach twisted and she rushed for the bathroom. Taking the cigarette out of her mouth and into her hand, she knelt over the toilet, dry heaving. This had been going on for hours now. Her eyes glanced up at the tiny shelf above the sink where a small battery powered clock rested. Quarter of four. Fuck. It'd been almost eighteen hours. Standing up, and pulling herself together, she rested the cigarette back between her lips.
Looking at herself in the mostly shattered mirror, she pulled her hair off to one side, lifted her chin and watched smoke billow out of her mouth. Pull it together, just get it together. You'll be fine soon. Letting her long waves of hair fall back around her face like they always did, she turned to head out to her next destination. She'd be early, but she couldn't wait any longer. She needed it. As soon as possible.
Heading down the street, she found herself at the nearest liquor store. The usual place that she met dealers. Attempting to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, her hands shook enough that any hair she tried to tuck in just fell out. Feeling like a ticking bomb, Avery made her way up to the sidewalk just outside of the building. Leaning against the brick wall of the building, she tried to collect herself as she waited, but it wasn't going over very well. Every minute was painstaking. Biting her lips and the insides of her cheeks, Avery watched the street for signs of her dealer.
It had to have been at least a half hour when she finally saw him approaching. A massive and sudden wave of relief hit her when he came up to stand alongside her. "Do you have it?" She asked, her voice shaking from anticipation. The blonde haired, skinny and rather tall male looked at her with a sideways glance. "Ave... the real question is do you have payment?"
Biting her lip harder, she moved to stand in front of him as she dug into the pocket of her jean jacket. "I don't have enough, but I have something..." She said, pulling out thirty some-odd dollars with her trembling hands. "Please... Blaine..." She begged helplessly as he eyed the money she held in a closed fist.
"I can't keep spotting you anymore, you owe too much." He said with a shrug of his shoulders, and immediately Avery's hands were gripping his shirt. She was on the tips of her toes just to be inches from his face. "No, no, no, no, Blaine... please, don't do this to me. Not tonight, please!" She cried out in a soft whisper. Pushing her off of him with a little bit of force he shook his head at her and started to walk away in the direction he had come.
"Blaine! Please!" She shouted after him, but he ignored her. Leaving her pacing, shaking, and near-tears, Avery kicked a nearby trashcan with all of her might sending it rolling into the parking lot. Crossing her arms over her chest, still pacing, she froze all of a sudden. Another way... She could pay him another way. A way she was sure he'd appreciate. But she's never done that before... but she needed it. Bad. Frozen still, she watched him walk away. Watched her only source of what she needed walk off.
Just when she was about to start going after him, a car pulled up by him and he got in. Leaning back against the wall again, she dropped her head back. She was screwed.
"Polishing my social skills
with one more drink,
and two more pills.
I do not feel good.
I thought by now I would."
Another typical night. Bullshit, more bullshit. So unbelievably high, Grey had been wandering around the trailer park for almost two hours now. No direction, no interest in finding one either. He spun his gun in one hand as he took long drags of a joint in the other. "Aren't you bored? You know... from just walking around?" The voice alongside him asked. He'd forgotten she was there. Some girl he met when he was picking up dope in town. They did a bump or two before the wandering escapade began. He figured she would have just left, but he thought wrong.
"Don't you just get bored following me around like that?" He returned, his voice careless and his attentions more focused on the gun he twirled in circles with his fingers. All of a sudden, something struck him. A little fun would be nice... With swift movements, Grey unlocked the safety on the handgun, aimed it right at the young girl's temple. The girl froze, hands up by her shoulders. "I'm sorry...I was just..."
"Just what? Being obnoxious? Following me around, asking me if I'm bored? If I was bored, would I still be walking around? What kind of question is that?" He asked her, pushing the gun against the girl's temple harder. Tears welled in the corners of her eyes then, and she took in a shaky breath before starting to speak again. "I'm s-s-sorry. I thought you m-might want the c-company." She nearly cried out and Grey laughed. He laughed hard enough that his arm holding the gun fell to his side.
The girl used the moment to try and flee, but he stopped laughing immediately and held the gun at her again. "Did you really think that was going to work? God, you're pathetic. Didn't your mommy and daddy teach you not to talk to strangers?" He asked stepping closer to her. He filled the space between them so that their bodies were brushing up against each other. She was sobbing now. Hysterically.
"Shut up." He hissed and the girl tried holding in her breath in an attempt to stifle the sounds of her terror-filled crying. It was then that out of the corner of his eye he saw someone pulling back their curtains to look at them from inside their trailer. In order to hide suspicion, he lowered his gun so that it pushed against the bottom of her rib cage. He had tossed his cigarette a while ago, so with his free hand he grabbed the hair at the back of her head and planted a rough kiss on her lips. Moving back just enough that their lips only brushed each other he continued to grip her hair, holding her so she couldn't move away just yet.
The girl was frozen in fear, but Grey turned them enough that their witness could only see his face, and his side that didn't have the gun. "You're going to smile and walk away like we just finished a fucking date or something." He started in a low whisper, and the girl let out a small choked sob that Grey attempted to cover up with another kiss.
"You're also not going to talk about this ever again. If I find out that you said something, I will kill you. Without hesitation. Do you understand?" The girl nodded and he rolled his eyes a little. "Good. Now put your hands around my neck, kiss me goodbye and then get the fuck out of here." He ordered, and she followed them. She played it off well, which Grey took note on and watched her walk away as he went to light another cigarette. "Bitches man..." He muttered to himself with a slight chuckle and shake of his head before he turned to wink at the older man who was watching him. In response, the man dropped the curtain and disappeared behind it. Greyson let out another laugh.