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Jamie Chapman

"And all of the mothers raise their babies to stay away from me."

0 · 4,032 views · located in Booth Lane College

a character in “Skins: Secrets Out”, originally authored by partially-stars, as played by RolePlayGateway

Description

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introverted || passionate || reserved || caring || protective

[ the storm || of mice and men ]

was i your knight in shining armour?
the apple of your eye?
or just a step, a fucking step, for you to climb?







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Full Name:
James Daniel Chapman
Nicknames:
Jamie
Age:
18
Sexual Orientation:
Bisexual
Occupation:
Works at the local animal shelter
Religion:
Agnostic
Heritage:
3/4 English, 1/4 French (his mother was half French.)
Ethnicity:
Caucasian
Birth Day:
11th November
Birth Sign:
Scorpio
Home Town:
Manchester
Languages:
English, somewhat fluent in French
School Year:
12
Character Role:
FC: Oliver Sykes







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determined || secretive || musical || hates confrontation || nostalgic

[ emergency || paramore ]

sometimes quiet is violent.






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Family Members:
Father: Thomas Chapman
Mother: Marie Kendall
Academic Career:
Jamie was a great student for his GCSEs, back when his home life was still somewhat studying. He received mostly B's, earning a C in math and an A in both music and French. However, shortly after his GCSE's is when his life went to hell, and his grades quickly dropped. He's averaging an A in music, but his grades swing wildly from B's to scraping a D in both French and psychology.
Future Plans:
Finally achieve happiness and stability.
Personality:
If you were to ask anyone about Jamie Chapman, the first word that they'd say would be quiet. He's not exactly one to go around talking to strangers or babbling for ages about whatever he did at the weekend- he much prefers to sit and listen. Many assume that, because of this, he has nothing to say- but he's rather the opposite. Jamie is a very passionate person. When you get him talking about something he really cares about, you can see exactly how intense he can be. While he's not the type of activist to go break animals out of labs or do anything destructive, he will be found at rallies, chanting with everyone else and ensuring that his voice is heard. When people say that all vegans are obsessive and try to force their beliefs onto others, they will be pointed to the quiet, reserved Jamie as a reminder that, no, that's not how they work. The majority of the time, he's quite chilled. He's the one laughing at the jokes as opposed to telling them, but that's something he's never minded. He's incredibly loyal and protective- almost overly so. He stays sober on nights out just so he knows that everybody can get home safely and that there's somebody to look after his drunken friends. On the nights that he's not there to do so, his mind will be occupied by them, wondering if they're safe.

However, perhaps wondering is the wrong word. In fact, if he's not there, it's only because something of huge importance came up that he couldn't avoid. And as soon as his mind is free, he'll be panicking, convinced that something is bad is going to happen to them. He'll be constantly texting them and will more than likely call them at least once. If he doesn't get a response, he'll panic, often leading to a full on panic attack. Panic attacks are only the tip of the iceberg of his problems. He's got major depressive disorder and panic disorder, both of which are undiagnosed. Because they are undiagnosed, the only medication he has is the alcohol stash under his bed. He swings from not touching alcohol for days to getting blackout drunk three nights a week. When he's sober, he occasionally suffers from suicidal thoughts, depending on how his mood is. His inability and unwillingness to talk about his problems doesn't help either. His relationship with his parents worsens it. His father was the only one to take Jamie's problems even somewhat seriously, and now he's out of the question. His mother refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem. Jamie learned years ago that talking to her won't get him anywhere. That only leaves his friends, and even just thinking about talking to them causes him to panic. The only time he really appears to be truly alive is on stage or playing music, and even his friends have remarked that he's a different person. He's not anxious. He doesn't hate himself. For however long that is, he can just be himself, minus the mental disorders.

Fears:
Due to his panic disorder, jumpscares have quite a strong effect on him. He's terrified of being alone and of forever being unhappy and depressed. He has an extreme hatred for heights as well.
Quirks:
Jamie usually has his sleeves pulled over his hands, and is constantly adjusting them. He stammers when anxious, which often only just worsens the problem. Whenever he's thinking about playing the piano, he does the action without thinking about it.
Hobbies:
He plays the piano and the guitar, although he's far better at the piano. Whenever he's not drunk or doing schoolwork, he's playing music, channelling his soul into them to distract himself. They're the only hobbies he's managed to keep up through his depression, although he used to play basketball.
Passions:
Jamie's quite passionate about animal rights and is a vegan for that reason. Music, however, has to be his biggest passion. It's the one thing that he's never lost passion for, even through his depression.
Bad Habits:
Drinking to deal with his problems, not talking about his problems and nail biting.
Guilty Pleasures:
Romcoms- on his sober evenings when he's alone in the house, he's been known to put one on and watch it in an attempt to feel better.
Likes:
Romcoms, metal music, rock music, his band, playing music, his friends, concerts, driving fast, feeling in control of himself, good days
Dislikes:
Heights, animal cruelty, cruelty in general, bad days, losing control, his mental health, his mother, panic attacks





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dependent || addictive personality || anxious || chilled || stubborn

[ far too young to die || panic! at the disco ]

and all of their mothers raise their babies
to stay away from me







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Face Claim :
Oliver Sykes
Height:
6'0"
Weight / Build :
Jamie is quite slim- not to the point of his health being at risk, but he is underweight. His frame was on the narrow side to begin with, so he's now quite slim.
Hair Colour:
Dark brown
Eye Colour:
Dark, warm brown
Other:
He has a number of tattoos already, despite the fact that he's only just old enough to have them. He has a semi colon on the small of his back- he knows this isn't exactly original, but he loves the idea. He also has "not the absence of fear, but the strength to face it" above his heart, and two stars and a flying silhouette on his right bicep as a subtle Peter Pan reference.







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loving || loyal || cautious || lonely || depressed

[ golden || fall out boy ]

to die, i think, would be an awfully big adventure







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History:
Jamie's childhood was perfectly normal, even though he was living with a recovering addict. His depression and anxiety weren't exactly evident as a child and so he was happy. His mother and his father loved each other very much and they loved him just as much. He got everything he needed and was never spoiled- but was never left wanting of anything. However, that changed as he hit his teens.

His depression started with self-image issues. His self-image swung from thinking he was too fat and needed to lose weight to not being strong or big enough. As time went on, it worsened into major depressive disorder. He started self-harming at fourteen, unable to find another way to handle it. His mother found out after almost two years, when he accidentally went too deep and ended up having to be brought to the emergency room. She freaked out, searching for any other explanation other than her son having a mental disorder. Even when his father said that he thought that Jamie should go to even just one psychiatrist appointment, she refused to listen to him. She proceeded to bring it up to manipulate Jamie and generally make him feel bad. That only worsened his panic disorder. His friends and music were his only salvation, keeping him somewhat sane. However, his crush on Bella didn't help, just confusing him and often making him more distressed.

His parents had been fighting a lot before his father relapsed, but that seemed to be the last straw. The only reason they didn't straight out divorce was because Marie was worried that doing so would lead to the worsening of both Jamie and her husband, finally starting to consider that her son wasn't just a moody teenager. It was hard to tell, however, as he was either asleep or at school during that particular time. She instead started to work longer hours at work and spending as little time in the house as possible, leaving Jamie to look after his relapsed father. The relapse was quite a major one, and he refused to go back to counselling.

It was around this time that Bella's boyfriend started becoming suspicious of Jamie. He manipulated Jamie into staying away, leaving Jamie with only one close friend. This, combined with his mother's behaviour and his father's relapse and refusal to recover, meant that Jamie's mental disorders continued to deteriorate. He discovered the appeal of alcohol but then discovered it's after effects, leading to his fluctuating relationship with alcohol. His unmedicated depression continued to deteriorate, his urges to relapse into self harm developing into suicidal thoughts and his sleep pattern starting to vary widely. His panic disorder deteriorated as well, leading to Jamie having panic attacks over what he considered to be small things.

Over the summer, he had to look after his father all day, everyday. A chest infection followed by a severe throat infection meant he had to go on vocal rest for fear of damaging his voice. Being unable to speak made things a lot harder and didn't help his depression. He reached one of his lowest points over the summer, where he was actually on the bridge, ready to climb over. He didn't want to do it at home, where his father could find him. But he made himself walk away and go home and get pissed and forget what he'd been considering. He just wants to get out of the house and go somewhere where he can recover in peace or even just get help without his mother interfering.

So begins...

Jamie Chapman's Story

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Ellie Wallace Character Portrait: Nate Carlile
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He laughed a little as she mentioned the staff. "Yeah, they were a little embarrassed about it- they didn't realise that they'd react so badly to you not being family. But the nurses on this floor aren't so bad, they'll just turn a blind eye. As long as it's nothing too bad, obviously," he remarked. If she'd looked bad the night of the campout, she looked even worse now.

"You okay? No offence, but you look like shit," he said. It felt really good to have her here now- he'd been lonely as hell with only his parents to keep him company. It didn't help that, whenever they were in the same room as each other, you could cut the tension with a knife. But he could tell that everything wasn't okay. He'd known the night of the campout, but they were alone now. They could talk properly. "C'mon, you can tell me. But if the nurses or my parents come in, you're telling me a story that happened in school, okay?" He said, knowing that the chance of someone walking in on them was pretty high, and he knew that this wasn't something Bella wanted anyone but him to hear. Better to have a backup plan.


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"Just... just bring a hoodie or something, I'm freezing my butt off here," she said, wiping her eyes. Nate didn't seem mad- if anything, he seemed worried. She hated herself for tearing him away from his family, but she just needed someone right now. She hung up and handed the phone back to the other girl. "He'll be here in a few minutes. Thank you," she said, wiping her eyes again.

"Do you want me to wait with you?" The girl asked, handing her a tissue. Ellie shook her head. "He'll be here in like, ten minutes. I'll be fine. Thank you," she said, wiping her eyes and cheeks, before blowing her nose. The other girl didn't look entirely convinced, but she stood up and left. Ellie wrapped both arms around herself, still having to wipe stray tears from her cheeks. She felt like shit and she knew she looked like shit. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd eaten. But she could kind of remember climbing in through her window and getting her dress, so maybe she didn't have clothes lying abandoned anywhere. It seemed like something she'd do, so that was something.

But she'd still fucking relapsed. After this long. Had it been because she hadn't been taking her methadone? Or had she just gotten drunk and majorly messed up? She just wanted to go home and sleep properly and forget that this had ever happened. But that couldn't happen- because now they'd have to adjust her methadone dose to compensate so it would take her even longer to get off of that fucking thing and everybody would hate her for relapsing and Nate probably hated her for making him leave his family and-

Her hands were knotted in her hair and her knees drawn to her chest. She didn't know if she was sobbing again or hyperventilating but she just knew that she really, really wanted to be somewhere else.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Ellie Wallace Character Portrait: Nate Carlile
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She looked up at him and smiled sadly at his comment, her first instinct was to try and make a defensive joke to brush over things; "Hey, I know I've got no foundation on but still," but she instantly withdrew. He was right, how could she even try to pull the cotton over his eyes about this? It's not like she had any kind of harrowing, bad secret. It was just that she didn't know how to talk about it and she was scared of what might change if she did. She sighed in defeat and nodded to him gently.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay Jamie. Just promise me you'll still be here if I tell you because no body needs this shit but honestly, I can't do without you. You know it yourself you're the only person I really care about anymore." She sighed quietly looking at him with such sad eyes it'd trouble even the most innocent hearts. She didn't want to have to tell him anything like this because she wasn't stupid- though she questioned if his feelings were in the same context as hers, they'd always been friends so he was bound to be bothered by the truth when he found out and she didn't want to put that on him.

"I know you never really met him properly but my Step-Dad, he left. He ran away and left me behind with her and she's, got so much worse, so, so much worse," She found herself subconsciously touching her cheek and wincing slightly at the sting, she pulled her hand away and frowned, glaring at it as it fell in her lap.

"And I've missed you like hell this week just to be frank and nothing I've said so far is very new, I know that and I'm at peace with it mostly but I guess we need to talk about what I said at the camp out don't we?" She questioned looking up at him. Could she tell him?

Could she really tell him like this?

Could she tell him at all?

She didn't want to talk about her Mother because then she'd have to explain her weight loss too and even when she had opportunities to eat now she could barely stomach it- not even the thought of it. It's like her stomach had just been completely crippled, then again maybe that's exactly what had happened but she couldn't talk to him about that because he'd want her to fix things and make things right again which she wouldn't mind but there'd be Doctors and questions and neither of those were things she could handle. So she mentioned the camp out as a kind of distraction and maybe it'd be good to get things out in the open, she was clinging on to some kind of false hope that he might understand and still be there for her but she knew better than to have so much faith.





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"I will. I'll be as quick as I can be El. Just hold on for me okay? I'll be quick," He sighed with worry as Ellie hung up the phone, she sounded so upset he'd barely recognised her. He'd never even heard a story of Ellie crying like that, Bella maybe but not Ellie. Ellie was tough and resilient and that's what scared him the most out of all this. How bad must it be to make Ellie cry? It had to be something beyond terrible and for every new question and fear that entered his mind he put more and more pressure on his accelerator to try and get to her as quickly as he could. He had his suitcase in the car, so he knew he had a coat or jacket he could give her when he found her so he drove right there to find her and within 20 minutes, he was slowing down on Kings Road, his head turning as he looked for Ellie. When he spotted at the bus station, his heart kind of broke for her. He'd never seen her like this in all the years he'd known her, partied with her, fought with her, laughed with her and just generally go through life with her- he'd never even seen her close to this kind of low. He instantly climbed out the car, grabbing his hoodie from the back seat and he parked his car in a dodgy manner and ran over to her.

"Ellie, oh god Ellie- what happened?" He took the hoodie and wrapped it over her shoulders but once he saw she was still crying and so heavily, he simply wrapped his arms around her and held her in a tight embrace. "What's happened El? You scared me, y'know- you can tell me El, you know I'm here for you, you know that- always, I'm always here. What happened?" He was becoming increasingly emotional himself seeing his best friend in a state like this but he held up, he was strong for her because she'd taught him how to do that long ago. Hell, she was the strongest person he knew and that was why he knew it was really bad this time- whatever it was, it was bad and he already wished he could take whatever had happened away and that he'd been there to protect her from whatever had hurt her like this- that was his job as her friend, he was supposed to look out for her so she didn't ever have to feel like this.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Ellie Wallace Character Portrait: Nate Carlile
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She smiled sadly at his joke but her only real response was a delicate shrug; "You know what I meant," in a quiet and fragile tone Jamie would recognise as one she barely ever used. Bella was so fierce, determined and fiery it was rare to get this kind of sincerity out of her but it was the tone of voice she'd use if she was conversing with Jamie about something that was bothering him or when she was trying not to cry when Mufasa dies in the Lion King (which a known secret between the two is that it gets her every time.) It's the voice she uses when a tiny part of her has broken and she doesn't know where to find the missing chips of herself anymore. She didn't quite know how to explain her feelings for Jamie but she couldn't deny there was a port of her that would always be with him. He was by far the most important person in her life and someone she did truly love both as a friend and in the rare way that made her hurt with confusion and fear.

When he held his hand, she didn't hesitate to take it and she held on more tightly than she meant to but it was the small gesture that kept her grounded and gave her some familiarity and reassurance. "I will when the time is right Jamie, I'll reach out and make things better again but I can't do it yet. You know I've got nothing to fall back on but I do want to talk about it Jamie, I'm not sure how to explain things or what to say but if you think I know how your feel you're misguided because I'm confused J. There's things I've done and things that happened before that I haven't told you about, that I haven't told anyone and I will one day because I don't ever want to keep a secret from you but it's too much. And I just want to sit with you and tell you how I feel but I just don't know how to explain," She sighed gently focusing on his expression to his reaction, when she closed her eyes and thought about things she could remember the real dark days, when she'd play up all day at school and then come home and empty the medicine cabinet into her stomach to try and relieve herself from the pain of breathing and how so recently- was it six months? She'd tried again and it was all because of her Mother but she needed to tell him one day. It was too big to keep from him but it did feel right to tell him that at the same time.

"Fuck, look at me getting all emotional again huh? Think I've cried more this week than I have the rest of my life put together," She laughed gently trying to relieve them both a little somehow as she dabbed her eye with the back of her free hand. "It's ridiculous isn't it really? That there's girls like Sky with beauty, money and love at their finger tips and yet there's people like us with so much shit on our plates we can't see the china beneath it," She sighed rubbing her eye lightly before looking at him again.





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He held onto her for a long moment and gently rubbed her back reassuringly. "It'll be okay Elle. What ever happened, we'll work it out, we'll fix it," He promised gently, he put a hand on her face to gently wipe away the tears there and he looked at her in all sincerity. "I promise Ellie, it'll all be okay," He told her and honestly, he meant it and he'd do everything he could to make sure he kept that promise. Maybe his ways were old fashioned and offensive to feminists but one thing everyone could appreciate was a man who kept his word and Nate was one of those men- no body could take that from him.

"Look, here's the plan okay? There's a diner down the road, I'll drive us there. I'll get you some food and then why don't you come back to my Grandparents with me? Then you can get a shower and a change of clothes off one of my cousins or something before you come. My Pops would love to see you, your family to them just as much as I am you know that. They'd love to see you and I think it'd be good for you to have some time to gather yourself a bit before you go home. You don't have to of course, it's just an offer but you know you are welcome," He told her honestly, he was so, so, so worried for her about what had happened the night before but she wasn't explaining herself and he wasn't going to force answers out of her especially when she was in such a state like this. They could talk later once she felt a bit better.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Ellie Wallace Character Portrait: Nate Carlile
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He listened to her speak. He wished that she would tell him, or at least tell him some way he could help her- but god knows, he understood about not being able to get the words out. "Bella, it's fine. We all have our secrets, and I know that it can be hard to get them out." He had a whole list of secrets that he wanted to tell her- about his dad's relapse, about his mom's affair, about all the fucking shit going on in his own head- but just like her, she couldn't get them out.

"Yeah, but Sky also probably couldn't put up with all of my shit like you can," he remarked. "And she isn't as good a dancer as you, or as good a musician... You know that all great artists are as fucked up as hell, right? Like Van Gogh cut off his bloody ear. Sylvia Plath suffered terribly from depression." He wasn't really one for poetry, but Plath had stood out to him. It was the one time he'd seen everything he felt represented in poetry that showed its horror perfectly.

"And besides, Bells, we couldn't deal with a perfect, ordinary, dull life. We'd end up causing all kinds of trouble just out of pure boredom."


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She nodded at his suggestion. "Yeah, that sounds good. I like your grandad too. He's cool for an old dude," she remarked, pulling the hoodie on properly. At least now her arms were covered. No risk of him seeing the needle marks now. "C'mon, I want my burger. I can't remember the last time I ate and that's really screwing with me," she said, getting to her feet. Her eating habits weren't the best when she was at home- the constant worrying about her dad and everyone else she loved that she hadn't cut off completely ruined her appetite at times, and when she did eat, she had a habit of reaching for comfort food. She knew that with the rest of her issues, her eating habits probably needed to be monitored better- but that could be freaking hard at times.

"Thanks, by the way, Nate. I'm glad that I don't have to try and get home now. I just- I just really need a friend right now," she admitted. It was the first time in her life she could ever remember admitting to needing someone that wasn't her father- and she hadn't even admitted to needing him since she was 12.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Ellie Wallace Character Portrait: Nate Carlile
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She listened to him in content and the more he spoke, the closer her lips came to that quirked smile of her until it settled softly on her expression. She rolled his eyes a little at his comment about her dancing but shrugged her shoulders softly. "I'd hope so considering how many late shifts I've done to pay my classes," She scoffed gently, looking down at the person who couldn't simply just be defined as her best friend because he was so much more too.

"Yeah, you're right actually J. I'd say as always but I'm the one who's always right here," She teased gently. "Hey maybe one day we can write a song about the stupid knob who nearly killed himself trying to save a deer. That's so you, y'know? I should have figured out straight away you'd be saving the world one furry friend at a time" She sighed lightly.

"Promise me next time I have to break in to come see you it won't be in a hospital and also promise to listen to me because I'm always right," Although she was overwhelmed with happiness and relief to see him, she hated having to see him like this all strapped up to wires and injured. She'd have genuinely swapped places with him if she could have.

"God can you imagine? You remember what I was like when we first met right? Freshly expelled from a private boarding school, fighting everyone who gave me a reason to think I had a reason to kick off- it'd be like that all over again but with some extra witty comments considering all the wisdom I've gained over my years," She realised as she spoke that there was one thing both her and Jamie were mostly definitely guilty of- black comedy. Talking about the things troubling them with random punch lines and good humour, so neither of them would have to really admit quite how emotional they felt. After a while she sighed, leaning her head against the chair.





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He looked at her for a moment when she admitted she needed a friend but didn't verbally react, honestly he was surprised by two things; firstly the fact that she'd confessed to needing somebody's help but secondly, by the idea that somebody actually needed him. No body had ever said that about him- even if it wasn't him specifically but just him to fill a role. Nobody did- it was the price of being a dead beat but he smiled softly at her nodded. "Well I'm here El. I've got it all covered okay?" He assured. He guided her over to the car and opened the door for her before climbing round to his own seat and sitting down inside, turning the air conditioning right up in temperature to try and warm the car up to take the edge off the chill he imagined she must have.

"You don't need to thank me El. It's me, it's Nate- you know I'll always be there to do these things, it's why you called me," He pointed out as he put the key back in the ignition and brought the vehicle to life as the aged engine crackled slightly with the effort of starting up but reliable as ever, they were soon going and he drove the way slightly further down town to a local diner.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Ellie Wallace Character Portrait: Nate Carlile
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He rolled his eyes at the joke about the deer. "I probably would have ended up going off the road even if I'd hit it, so it just... made sense to cause as little damage as I could while I was at it," he said, but he laughed, wincing a little. "And I promise that I won't make you break into a hospital for me again," he said, praying that it was true. "And I'll listen to you 99% of the time- that 1% is when you're drunk or stoned," he said.

"Jesus, you were mad. I'm pretty sure you threatened to punch me a few times for just asking you the wrong question. Like I said, it's definitely a good thing that we don't have a boring life. Always someone to punch, always some trouble to get into or out of," he remarked. Even as messed up as they were, he wouldn't sacrifice their friendship for anything. They'd been through thick and thin together, and even as much as he could mess up, he was pretty sure that Bella wouldn't ever totally abandon him. Not if she'd stuck with him after he'd ignored her for that long. It was like that had never happened now.


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She got into the car and pulled on her belt. Nate seemed to know exactly what she needed- warmth, comfort food, her best friend- and not to be alone. As much as she wanted to get some proper sleep, she needed to be around other people even more. The heat of the car was welcome, even if it did make her a little sleepy. She didn't say much, simply watched the world go by.

How would he react if she told him the truth? That she'd relapsed into heroin? He was her best friend- he'd understand, right? But even though she knew that it would be completely out of character, something in her mind was convinced that he'd be frightened away, that he wouldn't want anything to do with her. He probably didn't want her problems as well as his own, even if he wasn't going to run away. Nobody would want to have to deal with that- her mom only did because she had to.

All she could do was hope that she hadn't done anything ridiculously stupid while high. But if she didn't have any broken bones, then she'd be able to deal with it.

"How's Jamie?" She managed to ask, zipping up the hoodie to hold onto as much warmth as possible.

Characters Present

Character Portrait: Arabella Swift Character Portrait: Jamie Chapman Character Portrait: Ellie Wallace Character Portrait: Nate Carlile
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"Thank you- next time I break in somewhere, I'd rather it was somewhere cool like an Aquarium or something- maybe we go could free all the animals in Sea Life centres, they're arseholes to the animals there, it could be like our own special Paper Towns trip," She joked gently, she knew neither of them had it that easy, especially over the last couple of months but she could honestly say she'd never been happier to see him or just be there, holding his hand and joking about all the dumb things that crossed their minds. Jamie was the one person she could say anything to without fearing the reaction or worrying about what he'd think of her- he was the only person who's opinion she really cared about but he was the only person who's opinion she didn't need to worry about because he'd always be there. He'd been there for her through everything, even the worst of the worst- if he knew about it, he'd done everything he could to fix it and there was nothing she appreciated more.

"I know but I never did- well not properly, I liked you. I was saving the punches for the Madison Gill's of the world," She told him with a laugh referencing to a girl in their school who'd once tried to up stage Bella in a squabble and learnt the hard way not to call the skinny, quiet and angst ridden girl in the corner a 'dumb fucking bitch'. Any over insult and it would have gone straight over Bella's head without a second thought but those three words, in that order- that's what her Mother always said but in fairness, Madison never said it again after that. "Yeah, I'm happier just getting stoned and dealing with retarded slightly sociopathic ex-boyfriends- I'd rather not be that kid again," She laughed referencing to what she was like when they were younger with a tone that wasn't quite regret but somewhat shame and slight remorse.

"What have they said anyway? Are you coming back in for the final performances for our music A-Level? That's not far away, I can handle it if you won't be back but it'd be so much more fun to do if you were there," She admitted gently looking over to him with a small smile.





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He'd been drumming his fingers on the wheel as he drove, like he always did. It'd been a habit of his ever since he first started driving to always be tapping his fingers on the leather bound steering wheel to his own made up rhythms that lacked any kind of frequent pattern or beat. He didn't have any kind of musical coordination- he wasn't like Bella or Jamie who could probably play piano upside down in the dark with their toes. He couldn't even dance to a beat, Ellie had always teased him about that and he'd never been able to argue back about it either.

"He's doing better. I spoke to Bella yesterday and she was planning on trying to con her way into the hospital today to go see him. I haven't heard from her though- so I assume it worked," He told her. "He's not out yet but he's getting there El," He explained, he looked over at her from the corner of his eye with true worry and concern hidden in them. Ellie was so dear to him it was sometimes hard not knowing the full story because it meant he could never permanently fix anything that went wrong for her or say the right words but he understood- it's why he never asked her questions. He just wished he could take it all away, all the pain for all the good people in the world, he just wished he had that kind of power and if he did, the first person he'd help is Ellie. He wouldn't even think about it.

"Once his allowed non-family visitors we should go up there, send our wishes and that," He suggested looking over at her. "Suppose no one told you about Bella did they? When it happened. She tried to sneak into the hospital by telling them she was his sister, when they found out she was lying I think it was security who had to drag her out of there. I think she might He was trying to distract himself from his worries but also Ellie from whatever terrible thing had happened to upset her so much and he hoped it'd eventually work because she didn't deserve to feel like this. He honestly believed that.

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He rolled his eyes at the mention of Madison Gill. He could still remember that particular incident- he'd nearly had to drag Bella off of Madison. "I wonder how Jace's face is doing," he joked. With everything that had been happening to them in the past while, they hadn't had a conversation like this in far too long. Where they could joke and say everything they were thinking, and where it was just the two of them. It felt good.

"I should be out in another few days, as long as the doctors are happy with how I'm doing," he said. One doctor in particular- then again, he'd probably be made to visit the psychiatrist as an outpatient anyway. "I should be back in for the final performance, anyway- and hopefully I'll still be on form." He was praying that his injuries wouldn't affect his performance. The doctors had said that his arm would be out of the sling by that point, and that he should be able to play with no problems, provided that he took pain relief beforehand. He'd asked the doctors to only give him painkillers that weren't particularly addictive, and while that meant that he was in more pain than he would have been on the stronger painkillers, it also dramatically reduced his chances of addiction. The psychiatrist had said that was a good thing, than it showed that he was aware of his weaknesses. Now they just needed to sort out everything else that was wrong with him.


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She nodded as he spoke. By the sounds of things, there hadn't been any lasting damage, anyway. Thinking about that night made her stomach twist uncomfortably. God, she just wished that she could deal with her problems without ruining either her own life or somebody else's.

She didn't say anything as he mentioned visiting, twisting the fabric of her skirt between her hands. She was pretty sure that she was the last person either Jamie or Bella wanted to see, seeing as how the whole thing was basically her fault. But Jamie would be too nice to say that- instead, they'd all sit there in an awkward silence for a while, then she'd leave, and everybody would sigh with relief and hope that she'd stay gone.

This was why she fucking hated withdrawal and drugs- they made her hate herself, and they made her feel weak. She wanted to be her usual self with her bulletproof skin and her "don't give a fuck" attitude.

"That's so typically Bella," she remarked in reply to his story, smiling a little. She did think that the hospital's reaction had been a little unfair, but chose not to comment. "Of course she'd manage to break into a hospital of all places," she said.

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"I saw him walk past my house a couple of days ago- to be honest, it could have been the angle but I swear to good he looked wonky," She told him with a small laugh. She looked at Jamie and although they had been laughing, teasing and joking, out of no where everything seemed to creep on her and suddenly pounce all at once- the reality of their situation and it left her feeling kind of hollow and sad. It was terrible. The two of them were so guilty of black comedy, hiding their pain by drowning it in wit they didn't even realising they were cowering away from honesty. It was just easier to forget about things then it was to talk about them. Her gaze hadn't moved from the boy who laid injured besides her and her heart clenched. She felt so responsible and guilty. She pushed the shadows away and smiled at him softly, flashing those white teeth she took a considerable amount of pride in and forced an expression of relief; "Good, I wouldn't be able to do it without you," She commented honestly but it was said lightly with an effort of laughter as she leaned back in her chair again.

Listening to him talk about Doctors reminded her of the brown envelope laying on the door mat at home. She knew what it'd be- her referral to another round of group and private therapy but she couldn't stand the idea of going. Part of her desperately wanted to talk to Jamie because she knew he'd understand- he always understood her but she couldn't bring herself to tell him everything. If he told her the same things, she'd be broken hearted and miserable with guilt and that sinking feeling of when you know your truly let someone down and it wasn't his fault, so she couldn't put that on him especially when he was the only one who'd ever made anything better- even if he didn't know he had.

"Jamie when have you ever given a bad show? You'll do fine as long as your there," She told him gently in response to his comment about form. "And if your there, I can follow your lead and scrape through so all will be swell," She added gently.





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"I know, they both text me about it and honestly picturing it in my head, I could have cried I laughed so much and before you say anything, I was perfectly sober- I just found it funny," He told her with a small shrug. "Dick move on the Nurse's part though," He commented running a hand through his hair for a moment when he took it off the wheel. After ten or twelve minutes he carefully turned the car into a generously sized parking space and climbed out, resisting the urge to naturally go open Ellie's door because it was finally dawning on him how she felt about those things. Instead he stood on the curb and waited for her so they could head inside.

The diner was one he'd visited often as a child, he used to come with his Mother and they'd always get grilled cheese after Nate went to football on Wednesdays and then they'd get strawberry ice cream- he remembered it perfectly and he tried to distinguish when that had stopped but he couldn't. It'd stopped long before he quit football, around when his father disappeared.

There was a slight drizzle but they were close to being indoors where the shelter would protect them from it, so he didn't worry and held the door for Ellie before being quickly bombarded by a waitress about where he wanted to sit. Realising he hadn't been to the diner for years but everything inside was still the same, he chose the corner booth and sat on the left like he always did as a kid and sighed gently. "I used to come here all the time as a kid. It's funny though, nothing's changed at all- not even the wall décor, the same Elvis canvas, same newspaper print wallpaper the only difference is the date on their food health and safety rating," He commented thoughtfully looking around himself at all the all too familiar space.

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He grinned a little at her comment. "Yeah, well, I've also never played a show with broken bones," he remarked. Singing and screaming with broken ribs probably wouldn't be the most enjoyable experience of his life, but hey, he had to do it. At least they'd be somewhat healed. He'd heard stories of singers breaking ribs during shows and managing to finish the shows. "But I'll still give it my all, even if you have to drag me out of the performance room afterwards," he joked.

His phone had packed in somewhere between the accident and it returning to him- and while he had a new phone, he didn't have any music on it yet. And that was killing him. As if not being able to play wasn't bad enough, being unable to tune out of the world just made everything five times worse. He still had to listen to his parents arguing. He still had to lie in the awful silence at nighttime, able to hear every little thing. That was why he was so glad for Bella- she was company, someone who didn't treat him any differently than usual, and who was more than happy to ramble on about anything and everything. It was a break in the silence.


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As soon as she climbed out of the car, she felt like people were staring at her. She knew that she was probably a strange sight- in a dress and heels, with a hoodie a size or two too big on top, and her makeup smudged as hell. Part of her wanted to go back to the car and hide- but instead, she lifted her chin and stared straight ahead. She wasn't going to appear weak any more.

The diner felt oddly familiar- it reminded her of huge ice cream sundaes and chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs. She laughed at his story, nodding a little. It suddenly dawned on her why it was familiar. "Yeah, I think we used to come here all the time as well. Or at least, when Dad was home. One of the last times I was here was when he told me that he was being deployed again," she said, but didn't add any more. She didn't want to think about that- not now, not when everything else was all wrong.

Fortunately for her, the waitress reappeared by that point. Her cheerfulness contrasted starkly with Ellie's mood. "I'll have the double bacon cheeseburger with fries and a Coke," she said, knowing already exactly what she wanted.

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"Hey! Maybe you could be the next Dave Grohl, remember when he did the 'Broken Leg' tour last year? We could do 'the broken ribs' tour," She joked gently grinning at him softly, making every effort she could to create a positive, hopeful and enjoyable atmosphere for him because no one considered a hospital to be a happy place- not a soul in the world, especially not a patient. She was always very aware of that Jamie's parents were hardly the entertaining sort and from Bella's personal experience, the nurses were complete and utter bitches so she had taken the responsibility herself of bringing some kind of brightness into Jamie's hospital room but talking about music reminded her of something especially important and her eyes widened suddenly like they would before she said something intellectual in class, like when she took everything that one step further in Philosophy for English Literature and everybody stared at her in confusion for a long while before they caught up.

"Jamie, when the crash happened- the woman gave me your phone, before I gave it to your parents a few days into you being here, I tried to get it fixed but they told me it was totally fucked- like beyond fucked and I felt pretty bad that I hadn't found a way in to see you and that Ellie and Nate had found excuses to not even try and the Nurses are vile to be frank and have vulgar taste in lipstick- so I figured, it'd be pretty shit around here. So I dug out one of my old iPods and synced it for you- I mean it's all the music off my laptop because funnily enough I don't have a random copy of your database but a lot of our music overlaps and plus I still have a shit ton of old videos and photos on there from when we first started hanging out that are hilarious, I nearly had a seizure laughing at some of them. We were such dicks but there was that and there's some stupid games on there too but voila, consider it my I'm really sorry I got myself banned from the hospital and left you to endure social interaction on your own present," She rambled before passing him a metallic blue iPod with a pair of earbuds. "And oh those are the earbuds you lent me a couple of weeks ago and I forgot I had, so there you go- sorry I forgot," She chimed with a small laugh. "Sorry the delivery took so long," She added gently.

She'd been nervous about doing this for him because she felt like it was kind of pathetic but if she was in hospital by herself, there'd be two things she wanted; to see Jamie and music and she realised, at least one of those things would be the same for Jamie so she'd wanted to do anything she could.

"And because I'm an amazing best friend, I brought vegan chocolate too. I figured you'd be starving in here being the eco warrior you are so you better love me for this because do you have any idea how hard it is to find that anywhere?" She asked him taking the bar out of her bag and grinning gently at him. "I know none of this is going to mend those bones of yours but I thought it'd help make the time pass or hoped at least, I don't know," She sighed shrugging gently.





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He listened to her very closely when she talked about her family because such a conversation was rare with Ellie and he treasured every bit of information she ever trusted him with. "I'll have a chicken burger please with a Corona if you've got one," He ordered after Ellie, only ordering a beer because he hadn't drank at all and it was something he could consume and still be under the limit. He just wanted the psychological relaxation of drinking alcohol even if it wouldn't have the slightest physical effect on him. The waitress scribbled the order down and then disappeared which is when Nathaniel turned to Ellie with a more serious expression.

"Do you want to talk about it then Ellie or do you want to leave it? I don't mind but I need you to know, one, that you can tell me anything- I'm still here now and I always will be and two, I'm not going to judge or scrutinize or anything- I just want to be there for you, so if you want to talk- we can talk, that's all I'm going to say on the matter. Okay?" He asked her softly and very sincerely, looking over at her with an intense but soft and caring gaze. He really wished he could do something that would make all of her problems go away because Ellie wasn't a bad person, sure she could be a bitch sometimes but she was good at heart and she was one of few people who'd ever showed Nate any real respect- yeah, no one was horrible to him but no body respected him, because he wasn't academic he was only ever met with patronising remarks and ridicules. However none of that mattered because he couldn't make it all go away because the reality of the situation was that he didn't even have a clue where the problem began, he didn't have even the most vague idea about anything so what he could do except give her a shoulder to cry on and make sure she was always safe and had what she needed to look after herself?

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It was almost as if Bella had read this thoughts and produced an old, but still working iPod. "Bella, if I could give you a hug right now, I would," he said. Chocolate and music. While they weren't going to make his problems go away, they'd certainly make being stuck in the hospital a lot easier. "The hospital doesn't serve vegan food, and apparently they weren't going to go sourcing vegan recipes and cooking them for just one person. So I was told that I could either have vegetarian or go without. So it's nice to have something tasty and vegan," he said, taking the chocolate. This was why Bella was his best friend- she always knew exactly what to say or do.

"The nurses aren't that bad, though. Okay, there are a few who are complete bitches, but they look like they've seen some things. I think I saw a prison tattoo on one of them," he joked. In reality, while they were strict, they were friendly enough to him. Then again, that could have been only due to his continued visits from the psychiatrist.

"Seriously, though, Bella, thank you. I was starting to go insane without any music to listen to," he said.


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Ellie twisted her hands as Nate started speaking. She couldn't tell him. Not now, not while everything was so raw. She honestly didn't know if she'd ever be able to tell him fully about it- but at the same time, she felt like he deserved something.

"Remember what I said to you the night of the camp-out? About having gone through some shit? I fell back into that pile of shit- and I'd been doing so well. And now my mind's turning against me and making me feel like shit, and I'm starting to feel the effects of the past four days. So, basically, I've been through shit I can't talk about, and I feel like shit as a result," she said, shrugging a little. "I can get help, proper help, though, so I'll be back to my old self before you know it. And just don't get mad if I yell at you over something stupid, okay?" She said, looking up at him. "And thank you for sticking with me for this long. I know I can be a bitch, and I honestly don't know how you've stuck with me for this long. But thanks for sticking with me even after I act like a complete asshole to you for a week."

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She laughed softly shrugged. "Let's just call the hug an I.O.U then because I don't want to be responsible for breaking the rest of your ribs," She told him light heartedly, so relieved to see she had done some kind of good and brought some kind of light around for him but when he announced there was no kind of vegan food in the hospital, she genuinely looked quite horrified as if she might genuinely get up and go say something to the nurses.

"You are kidding me right? They don't do anything vegan? What the fuck? I'll drop some hints to your parents and do what I can. That's not fair- would they make a Jewish person eat pork? Or make a pregnant women eat pate? Or a lactose intolerant eat a fucking baby bel, I bet they bloody wouldn't," She vented folding her arms in a childish mannerism that only proved how that news came to her in distaste. "I'll fight them," She joked. "I might be 5,4 and incapable of opening heavy doors but I will fight them with my stealth and midgetness," She insisted smirking a little in good humour.

"Oh Jesus, I thought she looked like something out of 'Orange is the New Black' and to be fair, this place is kind of like a prison in one sense- just with much shinier interior designs," She shrugged, looking to him with soft eyes when he thanked her. "Don't thank me, honestly it was just kinda nice to have something to do- I couldn't sleep the other night so sitting up and doing something productive felt pretty great and oh yeah, I made a playlist of recommendations- you can give me feedback next time I feel like breaking into a hospital," She told him. She turned around because she heard the sound of a voice just outside the door and her eyes widened a little but she raised a finger as if to tell him, she had an idea. She then dashed to the other side of the room and squeezed herself into a fairly hidden gap between a cabinet and set of equipment and as the Nurse returned into the room she had both hands clamped over her mouth to hold back the laughter threatening her and her body squirmed a little at one point but she gained some self control and stopped herself, biting her tongue harshly to keep herself grounded. She wasn't quite sure what had given her the idea to hide but she figured that was better than getting escorted out by security again, she really wasn't very happy about that one. On her way out the building she'd been shouting that she'd only give them two stars on 'TripAdvisor', she hadn't been amused at all but her way of dealing with pain had always been black comedy and dry humour. She watched the Nurse walk over to Jamie and address him and Bella bit her tongue.

"Jamie right? Right so, your blood tests have just been sent off and we'll give you the results of those as soon as we have them, it could be a couple of days though and in a couple of hours another Nurse will be in to change your cast and bandages..." With an arched brow she noticed the iPod and chocolate and she looked at him. "Have you had any visitors today then?" She asked in a tone which created the atmosphere of being in a sweaty examination hall and almost drew a reaction out of Bella who again had to bit her own tongue and a sudden flood of warmth and pain revealed to her, that she'd actually managed to tear the tissue a slight bit and she inwardly groaned but nothing audible.





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He listened to everything she said and predictably, it was all very vague but he focused on every last word and then smiled at her reassuringly when she was done, nodding in understanding and patiently waiting till she'd said her piece to speak and once she had, he let it be. He understood now just like he always had, even when he was in the dark- he could understand why.

"Okay Ellie, I get it. But if there is ever anything I can do, you know you only need to ask me yeah? You don't have to do everything on your own and having help- doesn't make your weak, it makes you honest. Except maybe when you've done any homework for me and I've said it's my own work but still," He added the joke softly to try and keep her smiling, keep her positive even when she'd obviously landed in a slightly darker place within her life.

"Ellie, how could I and when have I ever been mad with you?" He responded to her honestly and the question wasn't rhetorical and he was making a true point although Ellie had a tendency to mess him around a fair amount, he never reacted- Sky hadn't been a reaction to falling out with Ellie, he'd been lonely and made a friend. Sleeping with her, he probably would have done regardless of his status with Ellie because he was a guy, a single guy in college- most guys would have. Nothing he'd done had ever been to make a point to Ellie and spite her.

"Your welcome Els, thank you for putting up with a loser of a completely different quartile of intelligence to you- that particular loser very much appreciates having a friend as intelligent, individual and interesting as you. That same loser also just managed to use a literary persuasive technique called alliteration successfully for the first time in his entire existence but realises it was about time to stop talking in the third person because it's quite creepy," He rambled away for a moment and just smiled at her softly in reassurance before their drinks were brought to the table and gratefully accepted his Corona and took a small mouthful from the bottle before leaning back with a gentle sigh.

"Forgetting the circumstances, I'm actually really glad you called me because eating Diner food with my nearest and dearest friend, really beats smoking on a rotting fence watching cows. Cows are the first thing I've found that isn't funnier after smoking pot. Kind of gutted," He told her, the waitress shot him a judgemental stare and he rolled his eyes a little before looking at Ellie. "There goes her tip," He joked lightly.

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He laughed at her indignant response. "Bella, it's a choice. You can't really compare it to anything based on religion or actual healthcare- and as long as I'm not eating animals, I can deal with it," he said. Before he could respond to her comment about the playlist, though, they both heard a nurse approaching. In a millisecond, Bella was hiding the other side of the room- where he could see her, but just about nobody else could. He quickly recovered his calm expression as the nurse walked in. As she asked about visitors, he shrugged. "Yeah, my parents," he said. It wasn't a lie- they'd been in earlier. He was just leaving out the bit about Bella as well.

"Okay, then. The doctor will probably be around with the blood test results, he'll probably want to talk to you about them," she said, hooking him up to the blood pressure monitor. It seemed to take an eternity to inflate, and he was sure that either he or Bella would get the giggles and give them both away- but eventually it was over, and she wrote down the result. He thought she'd leave then- but she still had a number of tests to do. Once his temperature and pulse were done, she hooked the chart over the end of the bed and left. He started to laugh, looking over at Bella. "That was close," he remarked.


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She smiled as her Coke was put down in front of her, and she took a mouthful out of it. She honestly didn't know what she'd done to deserve Nate. She was a complete bitch, and he was the biggest sweetheart she'd ever had the fortune to meet. She laughed at his comments, finally starting to feel a little better. This was why she called him instead of anyone else- because he didn't judge, and instead he just focused on making her laugh.

"You'd have to be completely off your head to find cows in any way funny. Magic mushrooms or LSD or some crazy trippy shit like that, and even that's pushing it," she remarked, laughing a little. "I don't think cows can ever really be funny- they're like the most boring animals ever," she said, taking another mouthful out of her Coke. "Sheep have to give them a run for their money, though. Chickens can be somewhat entertaining at times. But farmyard animals in general aren't particularly that funny."

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As soon as the door was close, Bella dropped onto the floor laughing almost uncontrollable grinning over at him as she tried to catch her breath. After a moment of trying to pull herself back together, she scoffed softly and shook her head climbing back onto her feet and re taking her place by his side in the chair. "The bloody things I do for you Mr Chapman- I swear I could probably get arrested for this," She sighed gently sitting back in the seat with an amused expression. "Christ, I can't believe I even fit in there, it's like the size of a locker down there," She groaned rubbing her forehead a little as she spoke but she instantly regretted her words because it brought attention to her weight but she brushed over it quickly by smiling.

"Do you think I'll grow up one day? Like do the mature adult thing?" She sighed, uttering her words softly- the dimple in her cheek however giving away she still found the whole situation incredibly entertaining. She was so caught up in the adrenaline of hiding, the joy of his company and just general positivity- she'd completely forgotten everything she had to go home too, her Mother, the nausea that had been haunting her like a ghost for the past week and the harrowing glow on the scales and the constant reminders everywhere at home of all things negative. From the second she arrived at Jamie's hospital door to this very second none of those things had even occurred to her and she genuinely hadn't stopped smiling either. It was just undeniable that Jamie had a way of keeping her anchored and grounded like no body else could and she appreciated that with every single second spent in his company.





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"I know right but it was still majorly disappointing. I know two things about cows though, one being that they have like four stomachs and two being that they always sit down before it starts to rain- it's dumbshit but that's actually all I know," He laughed rolling his eyes a little at himself before taking a long drink from his corona, he hadn't realised how uptight he'd been for the past weekend till he'd relaxed a little bit again, he'd been really short and withdrawn from his Grandad and thinking about now he felt quite bad but he decided that he'd make up for it, when they got home he'd crack open some beers for him and challenge him to a round of Blackjack or something.

"Nah sheep are quite funny, that weird baar-ing thing, that's quite amusing but that's probably because I'm 6 years old," He shrugged. He looked around the diner and then his eyes lit up at the sight of a helium balloon. "Hey, wanna do something funny and dickish?" He asked waggling his eyebrows at her mockingly.

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"Bella Swift? Grow up? Never. You're basically Peter Pan," he remarked, laughing a little. "Well, mentally at least." He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this good- it had definitely been back before the summer, back before things had gotten really bad- back when he'd still been talking to Bella and hadn't had Jace to worry about. He knew that this was all short lived- Bella would have to leave, he'd be left alone, and he'd get anxious and depressed all over again. But that just made him appreciate it all the more.

"The only person I've met who's more immature than you is Nate when he's stoned, seriously," he joked. "But at least you made me feel better- laughter is the best medicine and all that," he said. "Well, that and the chocolate and the music. They help too. I don't suppose you fancy hiding under my bed until I get out of here?" He asked jokingly- but really, he wished she could stay all the time. He wouldn't have to worry about her that way, and he'd have her all of the time to keep him company and make him laugh. That was all he really wanted.


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She rolled her eyes at his comment about sheep. "You're literally a six-year old who drinks and smokes, I swear," she sighed, but she laughed. She followed his gaze, and was able to guess his thought pattern when he saw the balloon. This was Nate. There was only one thing on his mind.

"No," she said, managing to keep a straight face. But then she grinned at him. "But I'm always in the mood to laugh at you doing something funny and dickish," she said. That seemed to be so much of their friendship- him doing something stupid, and her laughing at him. If she was in a better mood, she probably would have joined in- but not quite yet. Her insecurity, frustration and self-hatred still lingered at the edges of her mind.

The waitress appeared, putting her food down in front of her. Ellie thanked her, spearing some fries on her fork and putting them in her mouth. "Dare you to do it before she comes back with your food," she whispered as soon as the waitress had walked away from the table. Ellie was still grinning, incredibly glad that she'd remembered Nate's number and had been able to call him.

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She laughed gently at his 'Peter Pan' comment- it was one of her favourite films after all. "I could so be Peter Pan, just with better style I reckon- I never really got the whole leaf jeans thing," She replied softly running a hand through her freshly washed black locks with a short smile. "Oh my god but no body is more immature than a stoned Nathaniel Carlile- that doesn't even count, that's a whole new level," She sighed grinning gently.

Though her smiled became more consistent and warm when he said she'd cheered him up and honestly, that touched her heart because that was all she'd wanted to do. That was exactly what had dragged her onto her feet this morning from whatever dark corner of their town she'd been hiding in, to face up to her Mother (again)- she'd done it all so she could be here with him today and try and make anything she could happier or even just more bearable for him, anything as long it helped him.

"Good, that's all I wanted to do," She told him honestly, looking over to catch his eye for a moment as she spoke simply because he wanted him to understand she meant every word she'd ever said.

"I'd genuinely try if you want me to," She replied and it was true. Bella really would try and hide under the bed, if he told her to- she'd do it in a heartbeat because that's just how he was- she was the one person who did all those crazy things people joked about doing but knew better than to try. "I'm already wanted out here- what more can they do hey?" She scoffed smirking mischievously before it crumpled as she broke down into laughter.





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"You think I won't but you really should know better by now Els," He looked at the balloon, the waitress and then Ellie and smirked at her cockily before nodding. "You are so on," He told her looking a mixture of pleased with himself and completely entertained. He turned around and looked at her before winking mockingly; "anything to make you laugh love," He joked rolling his eyes at himself before he walked off to where the balloons were being kept and he snuck one whilst the staff weren't paying any attention to him before rushing back over to their booth and plopping hiself down in his seat looking satisfied.

"And so it begins," He told her, he carefully unknotted the balloon pinching it so no helium was lost before bringing it to his lips and sharply inhaling but not the full amount- he wanted to save some for when the waitress came back.

"Hello," He squeaked- his voice higher than a girl scout's and then laughed out loud but with the helium it made him sound like an animated Disney character. "Oh holy shit- I sound like foetus Justin Bieber," His eyes lit up with the passion that he only ever had when it came to his bad ideas, pot or pranks and with another quick breath of helium in his lungs, he began to sing; "Like baby, baby, baby oooh," By this point he was genuinely in stitches at the sound of himself and his whole body seemed to crease as he fell back a bit against the booth howling.

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He laughed at her response. "Nah, you'd only end up getting sick of me," he said, but realised that he couldn't just say that. "I snore something terrible with all the medication I'm on, and I don't have anything to stop me from biting my nails, so I'd only end up driving you mad," he teased. If the psychiatrist had been present at that point, he wouldn't have let that point drop. It would have been "interesting" and a discussion point. Apparently, he wasn't going to make any guesses as to a diagnosis until he heard the full story. Part of Jamie wanted to talk- but not with his parents constantly hovering and doctors walking in and out. But on the flip-side, there was a chance that he wouldn't be discharged until all of his doctors were happy with him.

"Anyway, have I missed anything major at school? How many times have you had to tell people what happened?" He asked, eager to get the topic off of him. Now that some people knew, he was terrified that everyone would end up knowing. And he didn't want Bella of all people finding out. He was still scared of her leaving, even with everything they'd gotten through together.


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The moment Nate opened his mouth after inhaling the helium, Ellie was in pieces. And the more he talked, the worse it got. By the time he started singing, there was genuinely a pain in her stomach from laughing. Nate was the only person who could make her laugh like that, who could make her laugh until she cried. The fact that he sounded like a demented Disney character while laughing only made things worse.

"Shut up, I think she's coming!" Ellie said, straightening up and taking a mouthful out of her coke as she tried to calm herself down. She shoved some fries into her mouth, hoping that would help. But as soon as she thought of Nate's ridiculous voice, she very nearly lost it again. It was exactly what she needed today. Sometimes she wished that there were more people she could be this ridiculous around- but at the same time, she was kind of glad that it was saved just for Nate.

The waitress put Nate's food down in front of them with a smile. "Now, can I get you guys anything else?" She asked. Ellie looked over at Nate. "I'm good anyway. Nate?"

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"oh it's take a lot more than that J, don't be stupid," She laughed softly smiling at him but she tried to stop herself because she was worried she was making things too obvious when she was around him. She looked at him for a moment and realised just how much she admired him because even know in bandages and hospitalised he was still smiling and laughing even though everything outside their friendship in their lives seemed to be falling a part and sometimes even know they seemed to struggle when Bella got too caught up in her feelings and feels the need to isolate herself to a degree to hold herself back.

She sighed at the mention of school, the truth was she hadn't done a full day at school since the party- she's only gone in for her music lessons and philosophy and occasionally art because she felt like she needed. Perception and spirituality more than ever at this moment in her life with Jamie away and her Mother so...hard to live with but her attendance was below 70% and she'd get pulled up for it soon- maybe even excluded.

"Well, I've actually been going in for a start," She lied because if Jamie knew she wasn't at school, he'd be concerned and he didn't need that on top f everything else at the minute. "I finished that piece in Art- the deamentor from Harry Potter but now whatshername- that blonde Netball captain bitch, she thinks I'm insane and I made up deamentors. I actually haven't explained it to anyone, I told everyone from Music they could go fuck themselves with a pineapple and I still wouldn't tell them somebody's else's business. I might have called our philosophy teacher a ' c u next tuesday' because she accused us of asking for trouble like this anyway and people stopped trying to ask me after that. I'm sorry I just thought you'd rather tell the people you wanted to know yourself when you come back y'know," She explained gently. "Oh and Cassidy asked me if we fucked in a tent- apparently that's a rumour going round now but you can imagine my response to that- it was colourful to say the least, people are so rude. Like so what if we did? It's no their business, I mean I know we did not of course but if we had- why do they care?" She asked raising her arms in the air looking ever so offended and almost passionate about her small vent. She told him these stories because they were the onl laughable ones, she missed out the questions that we're raised in the dance changing rooms when a girl noticed her scars and bruises because she slipped whilst taking off her jeans. She missed out the part where she went to the headmaster's office for her language towards their pho sloppy teacher or every time her Mother beat her over skipping a lesson. She didn't tell Jamie because right now he didn't need to know and she'd tell him when he was stronger but for now, she had to be the strong one for a while and she could do that- she could do that for him and his sake.





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Nate clamped his mouth shut to try and stop himself laughing, his body rippling slightly and his expression creasing in a suspicious and recognisable manner. He looked over at Ellie having to turn around as she spoke to the waitress to inhale more helium before turning around to the waitress and grinni; "Everything is crackalakin' thank you very much as my dear idol Chris Rock would say," His voice rang like a prepubescent primary school boy but at the same time it was so much worse it wouldn't even be believable at that age. Other customers were looking at them with a disapproving locks of distaste and disgust but Nate couldn't have given a toss, he was still laughing and he genuinely thought he might even cry because he couldn't stop any more, it all just poured out of him- honest, genuine and happy laughter. The kind of hysterics that were completely contagious and would made everyone else want to laugh and join in even when they didn't think you were funny and his foolish grin was so innocent and child like it was hard to be mad or be irritated by him. After a few moments of heavy chuckling, the helium's effects wore off and he sighed rubbing the corner of his eyes were genuine moisture had arisen- his eyes threatening tears and his whole body cringed because of it as he finally calmed down from the minute of amusement.

Grinning he sighed shaking his head a few moments later. "I don't remember the last time I laughed like that," He admitted running his hands through his hair to fix it from where it's been spoilt during his fit of hysterics. He didn't even know if the waitress was there or not anymore, he just couldn't ground himself properly. "Fucking hell Ellie," He groaned after a while of shaking his head.

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He laughed at her stories. Of course he could rely on her to stave off the worst of the questions. People would still be asking what happened when he went back, but they'd probably be a bit more reserved about it now. They'd learned long ago that it was a bad idea to get on Bella's bad side. She was like his own personal guard dog. Admittedly, that did usually end up getting her into trouble, and he'd had to do some fast talking to stop her from getting into serious trouble before. But when he didn't feel like dealing with people and just wanted to be left alone, Bella was able to get everyone to leave him alone. But unfortunately, that involved telling her when he was having a bad day, and that was basically every day now. So he saved it for his worst days.

"Do you'll think there'll ever come a day when one of us isn't at the center of the drama?" He asked jokingly. In previous years, they'd mostly kept themselves to themselves, besides Bella's big mouth occasionally getting her in trouble. But this year, the only drama happening seemed to have them at the root. And Jamie kinda just wanted that to go away so he could deal with his own issues.


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She held her straight face until Nate started talking, and then disintegrated into laughter. She couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed this much, to the point where there was a moment where she genuinely thought she was going to throw up. But then it subsided, and she managed to stop herself from laughing, Tears were streaming down her cheeks for the second time that day- but this time from laughter. She wiped her cheeks as she still chuckled to herself.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Nate," she managed to say. "I think I'm just going to call you whenever I'm hung over from now on," she remarked, picking up her burger to take a bite out of it. They definitely hadn't skimped on the bacon, and the presence of something in her stomach was comforting. She certainly wasn't the most ladylike eater, especially with a burger, but she didn't particularly care. "Oh, holy crap, this burger is amazing," she remarked. "Then again, I did have a killer craving for bacon, so basically the fact that this contains bacon pretty much guaranteed it to be good," she continued,