Nickname(s): Benji, sometimes Ben
Gender: Male
Age: 20
"Sometimes you have to take the good and the bad together, just to lessen the effects you know. Make it like everything is just okay, and then...Well, maybe it just will be...just like when we joke around about things being okay, how our lives are fine and everything going on around us isn't some random act of violence. Because of those times...we can start to believe in the world again."
The Way I Am
Sexuality: Demisexual (He develops attraction through a deep emotional relationship/connection with someone, rather than a simple love at first sight kind of thing. Otherwise he has no drive to be sexual, or in a relationship at all. Usually for Demisexuals its not unusual to become attracted to/seek a relationship from a friend.)
Appearance: On the spectrum of skinny and tall, he's pretty lean but not really muscular or anything. He is rather fair skinned as well, and having gained most of his mothers attributes is quite pretty in the face. He has no real notable features besides his pierced ears.
Likes:
- Going places hes never been before.
- Being around friends.
- Meeting new people
- Listening to the sounds of nature
- Living life to the fullest.
- Engaging in conversation with people of intelligence.
- Learning new things.
- Any and all animals.
- Organization.
- When someone compliments him (even though it makes him really embarrassed/bashful)
- Living like there isn't a tomorrow.
- Making memories that will last a lifetime.
Dislikes:
- When others are hurtful for no reason.
- Unnecessary violence.
- Getting called names/Other people getting called names.
- Being hurt/betrayed by a friend/loved one.
- Fighting with people.
- Most Physical activity beyond walking.
- Unfair judgement based on prejudice.
- Racism in any form.
- Misogynists.
- Getting hurt physically.
- Ending a friendship.
- Unknowingly hurting others.
Fears:
- Being killed/Dying
- Having his heart broken
- Betrayal
- Spiders
- Being left alone
- Claustrophobic
- Pitch black darkness
- Reading
- Swimming
- Photographing strange things found in nature
- Listening to all kinds of music
- Discovering new things
- Writing
He used to be really quite and introverted, but after his life took a big turn his inner confidence began to appear - and fast. He took it into his own hands to be happy - and doesn't often find himself getting angry or sad. Sometimes he is a little awkward when around other people but for the most part he tries his hardest to just put himself out there and have life take him where it will. Sometimes he gets a little down and melancholic, but he always manages to pick himself back up pretty quickly. He likes to be the strange one in a group of people, always joking and laughing, while still being capable of giving out life changing advice. His favorite thing to say is "never change who you are" because its what hits closest to his own life. He knows what its like to be depressed and tries his hardest to be a helping hand/shoulder to cry on. He's a good guy really, but sometimes drifts away from society. He enjoys his solitude at times and likes to keep a lot to himself. He is afraid of being hurt again, like he was by his friend and that makes him a little timid when it comes to growing close to friends.
"I feel like everytime I get a step ahead I always get knocked back to square one on the gameboard of life."
History
There were good and bad times in Benjamin's life...Time's when he just wanted to call it quits and just give up. But he tried his hardest for so long to keep his head up, to simply stare ahead and let the things that were hurting him roll off his shoulders. He realized young that he didn't need to take the weight of the world upon himself.
When he was young and his mother went through random bouts of depression he learned to take care of her and himself at the same time. He worked around the fact that his father was no longer with them and hadn't been since he was four years old. He tried to keep her in good spirits constantly and took her well being as first priority. When he hit eleven and entered into the scary world of middle school he found that things had become a mess. He now understood his mothers feelings first hand, because everyone there thought he was strange, and too quiet for his own good.
They called him names because he took after his mother in size and stature, and never spoke up for himself.
Queer. Retard. Idiot.
Those were only three of the many, many names they bestowed upon him. Each of them only served to draw him further into his shell, never speaking up for himself, never looking anyone in the eye, flinching away when anyone got too close to him. He was taking a fast decline into the oblivion of depression, that he knew would be soon to consume him. He had no way to stop what was happening
...until he met his best friend Eric McDaniel.
They were the same in many ways, only while Benjamin was quiet and withdrawn Eric was loud and an extrovert. They had the same problems of course, the bully's and what not, but when together they could face anything no matter what was thrown at them. They were each others shoulders to cry on. After so long Benjamin, with the help of Eric, found the strength to pick himself up off the ground and find a place above the ones who were trying to keep him down.
High school was easier in some ways. People became more focused on their futures and thus left Benjamin alone for the most part. However with high school came the sudden realization that he was growing up and things were going to become complicated. To top it off Eric had begun to date girls, while Benjamin was left without the urge or drive to do so at all and that caused a slight rift between the two. With Eric always away with his girlfriend he was left on his own. Of course it didn't stay easy for him. Just when he thought he would never find the desire to have a relationship with someone a startling development happened. Without any real warning or reason Benjamin developed a sudden and strange attraction for the best friend who had been with him through everything. This of course was a problem...He hadn't exactly thought he was gay...and still thought he wasn't really, and he didn't exactly understand why he was so emotionally attached to Eric. But it got to the point where it was becoming nearly physically painful to see him with girls.
Eventually, at a party in a drunken haze he spilled his feelings to Eric....
To say the least the last years of his high school life were spent in hell, and he had lost the only person who had stuck by him for so long. But, there isn't really much to say about it that hasn't already been suspected. After high school he got a job in the local book shop. His life took a turn for the better and now he
lives in peace. Well...Until now.
"Veni, Vidi Vici...or however that saying goes...Point is I'm not afraid of life anymore."
Theme Song
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live