n a m e :: The name's Ren Aiba.
a g e :: I am twenty-years-old.
g e n d e r :: I'm a guy.
s e x u a l i t y :: I'm straight -- but I guess it doesn't really matter. Never liked a guy before though.
p e r s o n a l i t y ::
xxxxxxxxxxd a r k ;; A lot of people tell me I'm strange. And not in the good way. I have a rather dark and morbid sense of humor; horror movies make me laugh and creepy guys wearing white masks and holding a bloody knife makes me want to throw a party and celebrate. They're just too funny; not scary, whatsoever. I'm also a bit pessimistic. I tend to assume the worse and believe I'd fail before I'd even try; when talking to people, I immediately jump conclusions and start imagining terrible, horrible things. It's a bad habit, but there's not much I can do to restrain the active imagination.
xxxxxxxxxxa w k w a r d ;; I'll be frank: I say stupid things. I say the wrong things at the wrong time, and even during the right times, I say the wrong things. There's just no satisfying Fate and her high expectations and standards. I don't know how to talk to people, boys or girls or some odd combination of the two, and I definitely don't know how to relate to them. People usually avoid me because of my odd hobbies and habits; I've never had to actually go out of my way to talk to someone before, and I guess it's taking its toll on me now. I'll be the laughing stock of the community...
xxxxxxxxxxi m p u l s i v e ;; It's not my fault, but sometimes, I let my emotions take over... And it's not what you think. I'm not some kind of lonely hero that jumps in and saves damsels in distresses. I'm more like the stupid sidekick that opens his big, fat mouth and says something stupid to the villain and then gets beat up -- but in this story, no one comes to save me. Yeahhhh. I usually get my butt handed to me, unless spontaneously dropping to the ground, feverishly apologizing, doesn't work. I'm not shy about it; if it saves my face from getting kicked in, I'll drop down on all fours if I have to. I've never really had a cause to be so passionate about that I'd stand my ground, so whatever.
f e a r s ::
xxxxxxxxxxSudden changes. I don't like changes very much, but sudden changes freak me out -- I get a panic attack. People suddenly telling me they're pregnant out of the blue, having to move out of my house out of the blue, turning into cows out of the blue, being abducted by aliens out of the blue, changing into animals out of the blue.... Those are just some of the irrational fears I've had since I was a child -- go figure.
xxxxxxxxxxRoaches. The spawns of satan!
l i k e s ::
xxxxxxxxxxHorror movies. One word. HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
xxxxxxxxxxCooking. I can't cook; whatever I make usually gives people diarrhea, amongst other terrible, terrible things... But cooking's fun.
xxxxxxxxxxPeople. I know I suck at being sociable, but that doesn't mean I hate people. They're fun to be around -- when they're not bullying me or giving me weird stares.
d i s l i k e s ::
xxxxxxxxxxComedies. They're not funny.
xxxxxxxxxxBooks. They bore me to sleep. Unless they describe in detail how the arm was pulled out the socket, I'm not too interested in anything a book has to say.
xxxxxxxxxxMusic instruments. I. Suck at them. I don't have a musical bone in my body. Whenever I try to collaborate with music and make beautiful songs, my music ends up being some kind of devil-satan-evil-worshiping-piece-of-crap-that-sounds-like-mad-cows-on-expired-steroids.
h i s t o r y ::
xxxxxxxxxxI've had a pretty decent life. Nothing horrible ever happened to me. I was an okay kid, a little odd in the head, but I was a good kid. I'm not really sure why people bullied me as a child so often -- it still occurs, even today, even as I'm older. I'm pretty tolerant, and I don't like conflict so I just let it slide and take what I have coming. It was the same as a kid. Others didn't like me. I guess I was just too bizarre, too much of an oddball, too...different. I was different from them in almost every way. I was smaller, I was scrawnier, I was paler, I didn't like the same things they did, I said weird things, and I didn't like animal crackers. All of that added up to the target that was plastered on my face, the aim of paper planes and flying pencils and crushed paper balls and spit bullets.
It went on for a long time, the bullying. I made few friends, but life wasn't terrible. I had my parents love and support; they didn't mind the weird things I was into, and, in fact, they were into some pretty strange things themselves. Because of the bullying, I had to move schools and homes a couple of times. It never got so bad that my life was in danger, but no one could understand why I didn't speak up, why I didn't fight back and stand up for myself. I'm not really sure why either. But that's how it went, and that's how I dealt with it.
Then my parents died.
It was sudden. Abrupt. No one saw it coming.
I don't even remember what happened. The doctors said it was so traumatic for me that I must've suppressed the memory. All I know, all I remember, are voices. Voices about how I was a pitiable child, about how I was unlucky. About how I'd never be the same. Maybe it's because of my suppressing it, but I'm okay. I wasn't as bad as people thought I'd be, though I did act up for a while and was depressed for a while. I ended up missing three years of school because I ran away from my foster parents' home.
I'm the same now. Things are...better. I don't like talking about it. I don't like thinking about it. As long as I don't, then nothing's wrong -- after all, out of sight, out of mind.
The school won't let me live on my own, even though I'm twenty. It's pretty embarrassing, being older than a lot of my classmates, but it's whatever. I don't really worry about it. At least this time, it's not my classmates that'd bully me, but the random mafia members I find on the streets. I seem to attract them, oddly enough. Anyways, I'm at a new house now; there are a lot of people that live there, and they expect me to do all the cleaning and cooking and -- chores, basically.
Lately, since I've been here...I've had a weird feeling.
Like something big will happen.
Something huge.