shailene ekwensi-hart
nicknames: shay, vi or violet as her instagram name is violetdelights<3
age: 21
sexuality: heterosexual
occupation: still a college student, studying in a five year computer science program, also is an instagram model
hex: #C8A2C8
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we all get lost sometimes and we forget who we are
never be the same - jessica mauboy
The deep purple hue that has now found residence in her once jet-black locks are the most striking feature of hers; a Shailene of before would have never considered such a radical and eye-catching color. Long and down her back when in waves or straightened, her hair holds far more coils and curls in its more natural state, typically knotted at the top of her head during her lazier days or when she wants to give heat-styling a rest.
Standing at just above average height at her five feet and six inch stature, Shailene is slim and fit with soft curves accentuating her frame. She wouldn't fall under the banana body type as that would be too simple, too straight and thin for her curvature, but she does fall under the spoon shape, hips widening out just slightly past her bust line and her waist perpetually tiny. Her deep, wise-beyond-her-years brown eyes, high cheekbones, only slightly flared nose, and pleasingly plump lips make up what her family members and friends jokingly refer to as a "baby face."
During her high school days, she preferred make-up and to this day, adores it still, but is prone now to a more natural appearance. Whether that's because she is no longer hiding anything remains unsaid, but her dark complexion is smooth and blemish-free save for a few old and faded scars on her arms and on her right hip from when her ex-boyfriend lost his temper. She also has a host of tattoos: a snake and flower on her right calf, a heart with three dots on her left index finger, a lotus with geometric circles and lines on her right wrist, and a minimalist barbed wire around her right ring finger. Both of her ears are pierced.
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To be fair, a large part of her person isn't necessarily different, not if you knew at her well back then. No longer subjugated and fearful of a less than savory reaction when no one else was present to note the bruises, she displays a keen sense of dry, unencumbered wit in her sarcasm and an infectious vivacity. She has a habit of babbling without censoring herself, and usually does so using innuendos with sexual connotation. This happens when she is nervous or in the presence of those she finds attractive. Her trademark babbling often results in her feeling embarrassed, so she tries to backtrack and explain herself, which only contributes to her rambling. In all honesty, though, it's not always that she is sorry, but a survival tactic she hasn't particularly let go of just yet. So many times in the past she was able to save herself from a hand to the face or even a choke-hold because she apologized, having cursed her own lack of a verbal filter so much that it's instinctual to apologize because she doesn't always possess tact.
Despite her tendency to babble, she isn't afraid to give voice to her opinions, and she always stands her ground - unwavering - when she knows she's in the right. Shailene uses humor in any type of situation, especially darker ones where her comical yet positive outlook on life usually relieves the tension. Aside from her brilliant computer skills and talents, Shailene's most prominent attributes are her capacity for compassion, kindness, and trust, the latter of which she is still trying to develop in the face of what she's gone through. Perhaps a flaw would then be her displays of indulgence, as that was part of what played into her past with abuse. She still flinches when someone comes up behind her and she's typically the one to set the pace of her relationships, usually the one in control and who doles out the level of affection she's willing to partake in because she still can't fully relax. But it is evident that she's a touch more manipulative to some extent, quick to play the stupid little girl she once called herself instead of calling someone out on the lies she was perceptive enough to pick up on. She is braver now, eager to stand up for herself when she's feeling slighted but also still wary enough to play the fence until she feels like she can defend herself properly. It's confusing and she's managed to push a good number of prospective love interests and friends away with that tactic, but at this point, Shailene's admitted to not being the sweet, innocent girl everyone else seems to think she is with her easy smiles and rambling.
At the same time, she can be stubborn and holds grudges, unable to fully say she has forgiven her abuser or anyone she knows did a terrible wrong. She isn't the type to hold onto her anger because someone scuffed her shoe in the hallway on her way to third period, but it is one of those things where it is notable that on her journey, Shailene hasn't learned true forgiveness. To forgive her ex would mean to forgive herself and though she appears confident now, and does seem to have more love for herself now, there are still remnants of her self-hatred heavily imbued in the deepest parts of her person. Moreover, despite her now sunny sincerity and seeming openness and honesty, Shailene still does hold people to a certain distance the closer they get to her, not wanting them to see the darker parts of her person. The part that finds pleasure in something like her ex-boyfriend dying or even the fact that she is willing to do absolutely anything to keep herself and her family safe, no matter if it happens to threaten her own moral code. The part of her that still wants to believe in happily-ever-afters and good intentions, but is bitter and insecure enough to think that perhaps she was never meant for it. She's decided that she has spent too long of her life afraid and in pain; she's not letting anyone else go through that if she can help it. She thinks that she's stood aside and let herself be a witness to tragedy for a little too long.
IHOP â graphic design and coding â 90s R&B â pineapples â romance â tumblr â social media â house plants â korean corn dogs, and korean food in general â county fairs â tattoos â road trips â mint chocolate chip ice cream â laughing â beaches â mcdonald's chicken nuggets
turkey bacon â abuse of any kind â broccoli â thinking of who she used to be â mystery, as a genre and in general â licorice â grape soda â internet explorer â people using her computer without her permission â unnecessary violence
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Middle and high school came, and Shailene had contended to the idea that she wouldn't be popular. She was of a darker complexion than the majority of her peers, her hair - to some of them - wasn't considered curly but a thick mass of a spectacle, and she was a nerd. A cute one, to some, if you were being nice. And she was nice, after all. But she was content with where she stood; she was not bullied even with the occasional slur or comment about how much she thrived in science. However, she turned fourteen and her parents had her come sit with them to explain that her mom had been laid off as a legal secretary. It hadn't devastated Shailene, but she understood how badly it had devastated her mom. It meant that her father's income as a plumber was the only thing they had to fall back on, and so Shailene spent her time babysitting for the Brokenborough family.
They were one of the wealthier families Oakhedge, one of the founding families of their small town, and were partners of a very successful firm in the nearby city. And yes, the second eldest son, Matthew, was absolutely cute to Shailene, but she had never considered herself his type. He was into the Lily Pulitzer-clad, Coach-toting leggy supermodels of their class; he was most definitely not into not-having-any-problem-shopping-at-Sears-or-other-discount-stores Shailene. Even if on occasion he flirted with her when he noted her with his baby sisters, or watched her a little longer than necessary in the halls. Shailene hadn't thought much of it; it just happened to sate her girlish ego that a boy looked at her like she was something he was attracted to, even if just for a second. It all changed when her mom was hired at Brokenborough LLP and they were invited to a dinner with the family; Matthew's mom, Sharon, thought it would be just "darling" to have them over to celebrate Diane's hire.
To say Shailene was shocked that Matthew wanted her is an understatement. His random come-on came so far out of left field that she damn near spat out her sparkling juice on him when they had gone for a walk outside. She apologized profusely, but at the time, he had told her that her inability to hide what she was feeling was enduring. And she was charmed, even as self-consciousness forced her to mind her mouth and manners for the rest of the night. She didn't realize he was serious about wanting to take her out until they had gotten to school and he walked her all the way from her locker to her second class, arm around her shoulders and her bag slung in his other arm. She hadn't even had the time to reject the date plans he'd casually made, she'd been so flabbergasted. One thing led to another and before long, Little Miss Nobody was a somebody alright - Matthew Brokenborough's somebody, that is.
To everyone else - and even to Shailene, in the beginning - she was living the teenage dream. She was on the arm of a brilliant heartthrob who happened to be captain of the lacrosse team, she was now eating lunch and hanging out after school with the popular crowd, attended a host of parties she once never would've considered going to, and she and Matthew were even set to be considered a power couple one day. She figured herself in love with him; he had been her first everything. But by the time he had beaten her so bad that she hadn't gone home that night, but stayed at his family's house - hidden away under blankets and tears - she honestly didn't know what kept her in the relationship other than fear and a stupid girl's stupid dream that she could be something precious to a boy way out of her league. The only time she had ever said anything to one had been the day she sat down with Sharon; he'd only hit her twice and she didn't know what she expected from Sharon, but it wasn't the threat veiled in sickeningly sweet sonnets as Sharon told her that she'd fire her mom and ruin her for any prospective jobs should Shailene mention anything to anyone, including her own parents. So, feeling like she deserved the abuse in some way for wanting things outside of her means - like she had no choice but to endure for the sake of not seeing her mother depressed again and her father stressed with the pressure of their family's need - she did just that. She endured.
College was the true freedom she needed, though Shailene received her first dose of it senior year on the night of their prom. Matthew had slept with some random classmate whose name she remembers like her own and despite the hurt everyone else assumed she would be feeling, all Shailene felt was elation. She had a public excuse to end the relationship, even if Matthew was certain that they weren't over. They were, though, at least in Shailene's mind because she did not attend Harvard with him like he had planned for them. Instead, she attended Spelman College and worked her ass off to secure enough scholarships to attend. It wasn't officially over between them, not really. Not with Matthew calling and demanding her to take the trips she never took to see him. It wasn't until sophomore year when he had surprised her on campus with flowers and huge balloons at her dorm room, a deceptively apologetic glint in his steel-cut eyes that they officially broke up. He had met her dismissive desires with a surge of violence, ready to knock her and her bedroom door down when she tried closing it on him but luckily, there were enough girls (and some of their boyfriends) around to get him escorted off campus. She was assured that his threats of being nothing without him and that she had to go home eventually would come to nothing, but it didn't stop the ghost of the backhand he had gifted her nor her fear of dark corners, and sleeping with her door unlocked from then on. College still was everything that Shailene needed to come out of the shell she had hid in, having grown more and more unwilling to stand aside and let assholes and be assholes and herself fearful of them. She still is; sometimes she has to stop herself from panicking in the middle of the night or flinching when someone goes in for a hug she didn't initiate. But she's growing and she's proud of how far far she's come, even if it means she's developed a fear of returning to Oakhedge, even just to visit her own parents.