-Usyr six years ago

For two years, war has torn Usyr one way then the other. At times demise seemed certain, and other times victory was so palpable. So many lives have been lost, yet there were still more to be called by the undertaker and released unto the next world. From just about anywhere in the city, you could hear gunshots go off. The conflict had been dragged out for so long, every street had been shredded; you could almost make trenches out of it if the slabs of asphalt and concrete weren't so heavy. Debris was scattered everywhere, but even with the variety of destruction visible in Usyr, it was still a relatively small city in context with the time.

The sky was gray, and a fog of gun smoke, dust and debris sat in the air. For a moment, everything was still.

Near the central streets of Usyr, the streets were littered with obliterated vehicles, and the dinginess of the environment was lit by the fires set by destruction. Behind a tipped Multitask APC were three males, their age concealed by their deprivation of sleep and dirtied bodies from war, but they were visibly young. The silence was broken again, and from a bombed out apartment building shot a burst of machine gun rounds, followed by stray mortar rounds disrupting the paved streets.

"Anyone know where that MG is?" a shorter, bald male said. A taller male with longer brown hair looked at him and into the short one's green eyes. The third male, a huskier Hispanic man, leaned and peeked out of cover from the tipped vehicle and saw a flash of the machine gun as a bullet hit the siding of the APC.

"Damn!" he yelled, flinching as 4 inches meant the difference between him being dead or not.

"We can't stay pinned here, we have to move. Tony, put a rocket on this guy's ass, suppress him as I try to move up," the taller one said.

"Don't get yourself killed, Chris," the bald man remarked. Another burst of machine gun fire hit their cover, and immediately after, Tony got out of cover once again and sent a rocket into the side of the apartment complex, and the bald man subsequently began firing down range and at nothing specific. Chris quickly got to his feet and began sprinting to the next piece of cover he could find next, a crater next to a sidewalk. There was an explosion on the buildings beside the three, large pieces of debris falling into the street below.

"Shit, tank!"

"Dan, detonate the charges on the archway, now!"

At the intersection by the apartment building rolled up a Chaos tank, and just above it was an archway connecting the apartment complex to an adjacent building. An explosion sounded, and the archway plummeted on top of the vehicle, sounding an even large explosion. Soon after, small arms fire littered the street.

"Send another, Tony!" the bald man called out.

"I got three for these bastards!" Tony said, reloading his bulky rifle.

"C'mon Dan, suppress them with me, now! Try to move up!" Chris yelled. Dan slipped out of cover and onto his feet, firing once again down the street as he jogged across to the next piece of cover.

"Aaaagh!"

"Shit! Tony, Dan's down, grab him abd get the hell out of here!"

"What about you?" Tony asked.

"Grab the man and get out of here! I'll find my way back! I'll radio you where I am when I'm out of this!" Chris shouted, firing his machine gun down range.

"Cover me!" Tony yelled, breaking from the Multitask. He fired his three rockets at the building as he ran to Dan. "Dammit man... I got you," he said, looking at the chunk of Dan's thigh taken out of him.

"Go, go, go!"


A minute passed, and only Chris lay in that street in the cover of the crater he found. He looked down to see if Tony and Dan were out, and didn't see them. He looked up, and he was pinned down by relentless gunfire. He looked to the die and saw a slab of concrete tilted up on a vehicle, right next to a second-story window which could serve as an escape if he moved fast enough and waited for the right time.

"Alright," he said to himself, trying to bring himself to the task. The gunfire let up, and seemed to have stopped as he peeked out of cover again. He jumped up, dragging his machine gun with him as he sprinted on his escape route. His machine gun clipped to his hip, and he sprayed rounds at his enemies, trying not to trip. He started climbing the slab of concrete, and a bullet skimmed his arm, drawing blood. As fire returned upon him, he dove through the glass window. He rolled, crouching against a wall. He relaxed for a moment, having achieved his goal, but he wasn't done yet. He grabbed at the wound in his arm, and slowly stood up. With his injured arm, he trudged along with his heavier equipment through the dark halls of the towering buildings, and began his journey back to his own.

Kayley hated the dark, she hated the sudden cold shiver that went down her spine and how it took forever for her eyes to adjust, but their power had been lost and there was nothing he could do but endure. There were coughs all around her and she set her jaw and forced herself upon her grim task. With a bowl of salve she approached the injured men and while they waited their turn for a real doctor she tried her best to ease their pain. She crouched over a boy who was no more than 21 who had a bullet graze across his cheek. He was trying to be strong, she could tell that much by his stiff position and how little he was moving. Through the oil lamps and candles that dimly lit the sheltered room she offered him a small smile and silently gestured that she was going to put some of the salve on is cheek. He gave her a short curt nod and scooping her fingers into the green paste she brushed lightly against his cheek and heard the all too familiar hiss of pain but continued knowing that soon it would help calm the flamed skin.

After a moment she could tell it was working and she stood to find another to help after he had thanked her. Kayley gazed about the dilapidated room and wondered what life would be like with out the war. There would certainly be less pain than she saw in the very room, there would be less hurt, less anguish. A feeling had settled in her stomach that she was trying to ignore, but she knew what it was that was eating away at her. It was hopelessness. She was trying so hard to fight it, but things seemed so grim that she couldn't help the way she thought.

She remembered the green house, the humid heat that hit one every time they walked in the door. The damp leaves, and the earthy smell. It had been a paradise for Kayley and her green thumb. She had always been a plant lover and grew knowing the names of most herbs and even recognizing their potential to help the human body grow and heal. She had been working at the plant the day the lights had gone out, humming along to a tune she had heard on the radio and then suddenly it was dark. There were screams and the sounds of people tripping and falling. Though all of them had hoped it not to be true, they knew indeed that war had come.

Kayley had taken her place in the closest make shift hospitals near the war zone, they were close enough for them to occasionally hear a burst of bullets in the distance. She wanted to help, to see this dreadful war end, but most of all she wanted her green house back. She wanted to be able to smile out of joy again, but at this point it seemed like a silly dream. With a soft sigh she bent over another soldier and whispered that he do it best to stay still and she tend to his leg.

Tony kept moving as fast as he could, carrying somewhere around 200 pounds of extra weight on his shoulders. He saw dust kick up as a bullet passed his calf. He could hear the fierce opposition Chris put up, but at last he was out of the line of fire. The seering pain of the bullet ripping through Dan's thigh caused him to grunt with each few steps Tony took.

"It's gonna be alright, Dan-"

"Just don't stop fucking moving! It hurts like hell!" Dan screamed. In time, Tony navigated the streets to the closest field hospital. Many other rebels passed him, and a hijacked Chaos tank rolled past and went further East to frontlines away from where he last saw Chris. He opened the door quickly, and rushed in; he didn't even close the door. He set down Dan against a wall, who clenched his thigh urgently. A doctor on the far side of the room came in.

"Alright, an APC is here, get five wounded on board to the medical hospital," the doctor ordered. The medical hospital had an assortment of generators, though some sections of it were too damage for use. There, they'd be able to treat all conditions of the patients in only a few hours, though a complete recovery could take up to two weeks.

Soon enough, a woman came over to Dan. She could see the considerable amount of blood on his hands from holding his wound, and he took them off for her to look at. Tony stood beside them, somewhat worried. He caught his breath, and stepped outside of the room. He went to the door he never shut, and saw a man about to come through the door. A notable loud, singular gunshot sounded, and then Tony saw the man's head disappear in a cloud of brutally graphic red mist. The crate he was carrying dropped to the ground.

"Shit, Sniper!" Tony yelled; the entire medical center could hear it. He hopped over the supply crate, his rocket-rifle in hand, and took cover behind a cement greenery barrier. A gunshot sounded again, but no one could tell what was hit. Almost instinctively, Tony reloaded his rifle, then aimed down his sights which allowed him to see through the windows of distant building clearly. He fired the three reloaded rockets in a spread out triangle, trying to hit anywhere the sniper could be. As Tony fired the last rocket, he saw the sniper stumble onto the balcony.

---

Chris slowly walked through the halls; he saw some emergency lights on, meaning this wasn't a n apartment building or an office building, but perhaps a police station. Almost ever building and its name was forgotten with the war, as their exteriors were stripped by destruction for what? He began searching through the halls for a return to his friends, and found a staircase.

As he went up the staircase, it was almost silent inside the building. The loneliness... was it taunting him or befriending him?

Chris reached the top of the stairs to the third floor and opened the door. He picked up his speed, and turned right as he found himself walking through an archway that connected two buildings. He could look out the glass siding of it and see a medical hospital far down the street, and a platoon of rebels to take up position around where he was. At that moment, he rethought his plan to join his friends, as he continued to the other end of the archway. If he were to rejoin the battle, his injured arm could take toll on him and become damaged even further, though it would be a small sacrifice in his mind. However, his battle group, or Tony and Dan, were not with him. He decided to get Tony first before charging into battle again.

He proceeded down the hall, which was lit by sunlight from the cracks and holes in the wall. Turning the corner, he heard a loud bang, and saw an enemy soldier sniping out through a hole in the wall. As silently as he could, he crept up behind the sniper. Slowly drawing his knife, he became three feet away from the soldier, and the sniper shot again.

"Hey," Chris said, and the sniper flinched. He instantly turned his head towards Chris, who charged forwards, planting his knife into the side of the soldier's neck. He pushed the man back, dropping him onto a balcony, and looked outwards to see a shining dot moving quickly towards him. Reflexively, he dove, but the rocket caused the floor behind him and beneath him to begin breaking away with a booming sound. His body fell through the third floor, fell onto the second, but as that floor was shattered and cracked by Tony's rocket, that gave way as well, letting Chris fall to the ground floor with decreased force.

"Dammit..." he said, trying to find the will to get up.

"Chris, you all right? That was a hell of a fall you took," he heard over the radio.

"Screw you, Tony," he replied somewhat sarcastically. Dying almost seemed like a bad joke to them. Picking himself up, he looked down the street to the medical hospital. Though his body was sore and drained from fighting, he found it within himself to start jogging again.

"How's Dan?"

"Why don't you come see for yourself?"

Kayley was helping some new comers to the field hospital trying her best to sooth the man that was clearly in a lot of pain. She focused on getting her job done quickly as another group of men were walking through the door. Then suddenly she heard a scream and felt the splatter of brain matter against her hand and cheek. She looked up to see a headless man fall to the floor. Things seemed to slow down and she watched horrified as a soldier went to fire back, the gun recoil sending him back a step, only for him to move back into place. The sound of guns were hollow in her head and she forced herself to come back to reality.
"Get down!" She screamed at a few men sending herself towards them and pushing them to the ground and apologizing for some daft reason. She forced the men near her to keep down and some tried feebly to get back up and fight but she pushed them down again.
"Fuck off woman." A man growled at her, but he was too weak to do anything but grow at her because of a hole in his chest.
Kayley glared at the man and hissed for him to shut up and she watched with wide eyes as a man fired off three rockets in what appeared to be in an attempt to find the snipers hiding spot out of luck. She wished she was brave enough to fight but instead she wiped her eyes which had begun to tear up a little and began to crawl towards a few other men who were attempting to fight.

After a moment there was no more shooting and slowly Kayley raised her head. She looked towards a soldier that was peeking out of the door. "Is it alright?" she called out to him.
"Appears to be, Tony has Chris." He told her names that meant nothing to her, all that mattered was that the danger was gone... for now. She breathed a sigh of relief and began to help men up to their chairs. She apologized profusely to any one she had knocked over and a few men looked at her grumpily while others seemed to understand that she had only meant to protect them.
One man even had the gall to poke her "Women dont belong in the field hospitals let along a war zone." He told her defiantly when she offered to help him. He shoved her away and Kayley stumbled back a bit and squared her jaw at him and she marched right back up to him and with out saying a word to him as she had nothing to say to him she helped him to a comfortable position and after making sure he was alright she turned away from him and though it was childish of her she stuck her tongue out in an act of defiance.

Kayley had turned just in time to see the man who had fired the rockets come back with another wounded man. He looked in terrible condition and she rushed over to help him. She put his arm over her shoulder and helped assist him to the nearest chair. "Easy does it." She lowered him into the chair and looked over at the other man. "do you mind assisting the other soldiers?" She asked him, she had a few tears left on her cheeks but had regained her composure "I must see to this man immediately." When the other soldier turned away to do as she had asked she turned back to the man and said "Alright I'm gonna need to look at that arm of yours." She dug into one of her pockets and pulled out a cloth to dab at the blood. "Do you mind telling me your name, and where else you are hurt?" She asked him as she worked.

Chris finally got to Tony, out of breath and blood streaming down his arm.

"Your arm's pretty torn up there," Tony noted.

"Yeah, barely got shot. Your rocket didn't help it either," said Chris, coming off as angered by Tony.

"Hey, I was just trying to-"

"I know, Tony," Chris said more solemnly. He put his arm around Tony's shoulders and Tony did the same, as if they were holding each other up. "You did the right thing."

The two headed up and into the field hospital, looking forward and into the dark room. A nurse rushed over to Chris in a panic, leading him over to a chair.

"Easy does it," she said, concerned about his condition. He was a large man, over six feet tall and his muscles built by the trials of battle. Dirt made his white skin look brown and grey. He peered up from his seat at the nurse tending to him, as if his eyes strained to look for answers beyond what war would give him, trying to look past the pain and death brought upon by seemingly infinite turmoil.

"Do you mind assisting the other soldiers?" she asked Tony.

"No problem," he said, slinging his rifle over his shoulder. He then went to help move injured into the Multitask outside for transport to the medical hospital.

"I must see to this man immediately," she said, seemingly more to herself than anyone else.

"It's nothing that bad, I just got some scrapes and small cuts, the only thing real bad is my arm, and that's not even close to being like Dan over there," Chris said, noting the man against the wall she treated.

"Yeah, stop trying to be tough shit," Dan said teasingly to Chris.

"I'm not trying, I am," Chris retorted, smirking. A couple other people listening in on the conversation snickered.

"Yeah, let me see your leg there, buddy. I forgot to give you your birthday present last week," Dan said a bit loudly and humorously as he reached for his handgun. His comment elicited some laughs from people nearby, and even Chris was amused.

"Alright, I'm gonna need to look at that arm of yours," she said, and he raised it for her to look at without question. She started cleaning up the blood there to tell what she was looking at, asking "Do you mind telling me your name, and where else you're hurt?"

"I'm Chris Aarons, and the only thing other I think you could treat me for is giving me medication for a concussion; I just fell two stories," he said, looking at what she was doing to his arm.

Kayley felt small next to this massive soldier, her normally shoulder length brown hair was tied in a messy bum at the back of her head and she knew she had a few blood stains on her. She sighed softly wishing for a nice warm shower but those were few and far in between with the effort to help the soldiers. He had an intense gaze and she wondered for a moment what he was thinking as Tony went off to help everyone else.

Chris spoke to few of them men and they seemed comforted by him and for that reason she was thankful for him. "I just got some scrapes and cuts." he told her and he spoke of his friend Dan and she glanced over to him and nodded.

"yeah, stop trying to be a tough shit." Dan told Chris which made Kayley smile.

"I'm not trying I am." Chris said boldly and kayley began to wrap his arm with bandages. She was skilled with her hands as she had done this task many times before.

"if it means anything to you I think you are quite tough." kayley told him after Dan joked about shooting Chris in the leg. She spoke quietly so that only he could hear. For someone reason she wanted to join in and feel a part of the group but she didn't feel like she could as they were in a completely different league than her. She was just a nurse, they were the ones doing the actual fighting.

He told her about his concussion and she stood to check on him and then went and got an ice pack. She took his uninsured hand and gave m the ice pack. She showed him where to press it onto the back of his head and said "best to just rest a bit. I'll check back in a little bit to see how you are doing. If you need anything just let any of us know." she gestured to the other nurses milling around the room. Occasionally another soldier was called and he would head to see the doctor.

Kayley was weary, she was on her last legs and needed a sit down and so she headed out of the room after checking on a few people as she passed by and headed to the mess hall. It was a cafeteria open to everyone in the building and they served dry food out of silver packets. It was army food and nothing like thence vegetables and fruits she had grown accustomed to. In any case she grabbed a packet and a glass of water and went to sit at one of the long tables and began to eat. She found her head resting inner hand and slowly her eyes drifted closed.

Chris was taken a bit back at the nurse's comment, what she said and how it was almost a whisper to him. She had gone and put an ice pack in his hand.

"If you need anything, just let any of us know," she said, referencing all the other medical staff.

"I will," he replied, "thank you." She went off to the servery, and he sat there for a moment. Even when trying to relax, his muscles were still tense; the effects of war never abandoned the soldiers. Eventually, there began a dull pain in his stomach, and then he realized why. Picking himself up, he went and grabbed three packets of food for himself, Tony and Dan. Like-minded, Tony almost followed him right into the cafeteria.

"Tony, don't flinch," he called out, throwing two packets of food at him.

"Wh- Oh," he said, stumbling into alertness. He was able to catch the pouches, one after the other.

"One's for Dan, fatty," he joked to Tony.

"Yeah, come here and we'll see how fat this rifle makes you," Tony replied, smirking. The two split apart from each other for the time being, as Tony went to deliver the food to their friend. Chris headed off to find somewhere to sit, and spotted the nurse that was treating him earlier. Even the least bit of familiarity with her drove him to take a seat next to her as she almost fell asleep.

"Hey," he said, noting how she was almost asleep before he came over. "How long have you been up?" he questioned genuinely. It was a question he'd ask, but hoped he wasn't asked for the answer might draw some sort of feeling of sorrow from others, which during this time of conflict, he believed wouldn't help anyone. He prepared his food, eating it without denying the rather dull taste; it was food, and it'd get him through the next battle.

(sorry if my posts are few and far in between this weekend. It's comic con!!! :) normally I'm a lot more active. Promise)

Kayley was half dreaming and half aware that she was still awake. Her thoughts lingered on her greenhouse, she knew it was selfish but she knew she wouldn't care if there was a war if her greenhouse was alright. She wouldn't be helping in the effort had she been able to stay in her sanctuary. She wasn't the one to go out and explore, she wasnt one for adventure and doing things on a whim. Her life was planned and she liked it that way, that way she wouldn't be surprised at anything. She was jerked out of her state of though when the soldier Chris sat next to her. Her arm slipped and her head slipped down, she caught herself before she keeled over and looked at him through sleepy eyes.

She tried to speak but her voice cracked a little and she coughed to make it better. "I've been up longer than I'm used to" she didn't elaborate on the the exact hours. She was surprised that he had sat next to her, she took him as a man who would sit with his group of friends. They would sit and eat as they traded war stories and showed off their injuries, she never once took hm as the man to sit next to a woman he didn't know. She offered him a soft smile and looked back down at her own food. She sighed a little and picked up a slice and examined it. "do you miss real food?" she asked him, she glanced at his own measly meal and then looked back at her own.

"like pancakes or waffles?" she elaborated. She wasnt all that talkative about her own life but when it came to simple things like food Kayley was fine to discuss that with most people. She peered around the cafeteria and saw that like her, their choice of food wasn't exactly the most desierable one.

(I wouldn't worry about you not posting every now and then; I have a life too and occasionally I'm gone for entire weekends or even entire weeks. I'd be more worried if you haven't posted for four or more days).

As Chris began to munch on his food, the exhausted nurse spoke.

"I've been up longer than I'm used to," she said, looking at him with a slight smile. It's been awhile since he last ate, and he was more focused on eating than returning the gesture. "Do you miss real food...? Like pancakes or waffles?" she asked, picking up a piece of her food. He pondered the question, and seeing what he believed to be superficiality he decided to try to spark a deeper sense of meaning withing the woman's view of life.

"Well, I have to say... I don't like the food, in fact, I hate it, food like this tastes like crap. But I'm fine with that as long as it won't kill me; what I miss is being able to walk down the street and not having to worry if an explosion's going to go off and kill me, or take three limbs. And I'd hate to see it evolve into walking down the street and becoming some bad entertainment for a few bored patrolmen who have nothing better to do than screw with you. I'd be killed before I accept that; I'd be killed if it meant someone else would finish the job I'm doing, and I probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place; I'm 17... far too much has been invested in this war for anyone to simply let it go."

He finished his food, but he didn't push his drained body to get up; he merely sat there, crumpling the pack in one hand and resting. Chris enjoyed the conversation, he could go on forever about the war: how important it was, how it's affected the lives of millions or more, the people who fight and why, but he didn't even graduate middle school.

(alright phew. Haha was just making sure you didn't hate me.^_^)

"food like this tastes like crap." kayley smiled thinking that maybe he was going to tell her they should do something about it but instead he went on to tell her that he missed his freedom, and he missed being able to walk out side with out being killed and she felt humbled and put in her place. She had been selfish, here was a man who knew what was what. He told her he had a job and she knew that he intended to see it through to the end. She looked down at her own food which she now saw in a bit of a different light. He had already finished his own and so she assumed that he had been quite hungry.

She half expected him to get up before she could say anything but he didn't, he stayed put apparently content with his current spot and she took the time to mull over her thoughts. There was something different about this soldier. Chris seemed to have a bit more light in his eyes than the other men. She had seen others with hollow lifeless eyes that had lost all hope, Chris still had a purpose. He had a drive that made her jealous.

Finally she spoke, "thank you." she said to him softly as she took a bite of food. "you've put your life in such danger for all of us and I have the gall to complain about food in front of you." she sighed and said in a hushed after thought "I do however still hate this food, but it doesn't matter so much anymore." she straightened up and raised a hand to let her hair down. It felt nice to have it around her shoulders and face again and she brushed her fingers through it. "if you ever need anything let me know. I'll see what I can do. It's the least I can do for you, after all that you've done." she left her hair down though she knew she would get yelled at if she got caught with it down. It was frowned upon for women to have their hair down as it was too easy for enemies to grab it and pull. "do you have a reason?" she asked him suddenly "what is it that drives you to protect and odd what you do?" she questioned.

"What is it that drives you..." the nurse went on to ask. It was a fairly broad question to be answered as so much has happened over the years, and so much still goes on.

"That's a fair question; it's a good question," he said, trying to make time for him to weave the many threads of his mind together. "The first thing people have to grasp and like is an idea of freedom; that you should be able to do as you wish, as long as it doesn't infringe on others, and live with the consequences of your own actions. I shouldn't have to deal with the fact that you may or may not have made poor business decisions, ended up on the streets, and now you're homeless and beg people for money because you yourself would rather not do something about it yourself. Selfish, I know, but fear of someone coming to amount to that drives people to be successful; it gives incentive to work. The next thing is to look backwards, at all forms of dictatorship and centralized governments and how much more pain they've inflicted than the blunt world of freedom, and there's a long list, and I'm sure you can think of some yourself. Virtuous people don't have to be governed. The third thing to look at is to look at what people are and have contributed; Dan almost lost his leg. No relatives of Tony that we know of are alive now because they gave their lives to this. And still, people fight and spend their lives for this idea, and to make sure that there will be people who benefit from their effort. But none of that answers why I do any of this, it's just a bunch of crap some people really don't care about. I could die in trying to secure this freedom; I'd never experience it. So why do I still do this? I think that becomes part of the conflict when people say 'I don't want to be on either side,' but you can't escape that possibility of death in this fight. You have to understand that each survivor of this disaster may have two or three children with someone else. And each of those children might have two or three children, and suddenly, the beneficiaries of your effort become infinitely large as long as they can preserve it, or until the universe ends. Suddenly, it becomes worthwhile to do it; if you care about anything or anyone. And there are just some people who don't. The hope is, I will get to see the end, but for it to ever happen, I need to give something to see it, whether it be treating injured or going food in the few functional greenhouses there are or making weapons, just anything. All things in the world require some stimulant," he finished, reflecting upon his statements.

From this, he looked at the nurse again, because as important as it was to understand himself, his eyes had turned to see almost into her. He could see she was scrounging for a reason to just keep going; the seemingly infinite amounts of pain brought by the war could be heavy on one's mind. After a moment of silence, he spoke up again.

"It's hard isn't it... to keep motivated...?"

He had everything together it seemed. Kayley listened quietly and attentivly she listened as he spoke of his purpose and his drive. She respected him and after his touching speech she couldnt find anything to say. Instead she poked at the silver packet her food had come in and sighed softly. He turned to look at her and she lifted her head to gaze back at him and she could see that he had meant every word. She wanted to make some corny joke about him being a public speaker after this whole war was over but she couldnt seem to find the right words let alone the hope that the war would end.

He talked to her and it took her a moment to understand what he had said to her. She shook herself free of her thoughts and thought about his question "it's hard isnt it... to keep motivated...?"
She bit her lip and looked away from him and said "I see so much pain and suffering come into those rooms. It's hard to find hope in a room like that." She paused and reached a hand up to fiddle with her hair, she curled it around her finger and continued "But then someone like you comes in Chris, and you make the men laugh even while you're bleeding and in pain." She looked over at him and said "I respect that." She was silent for a moment and the confessed to him "I'm afraid I'm jealous of you Chris. I want to be able to find the light in a dark place like this. I want to be brave enough to make jokes while men lay bleeding just so that they might smile one last time. I want so badly just to end this mess." She sighed and laid her head in her hands and she felt her throat grow thick with the prospect of crying. It was an emotional thing for her, but she forced herself to keep her tears in check and she looked up again.

An officer walked into the mess hall and she quickly raised her hands to do up her hair again before she got in trouble. She looked at Chris sheepishly. "I know I'm being silly." she shrugged and put her plams flat on the table, "I should probabl get back." she said softly though she made no move to get up.