Snippet #1534476

Each cracker must have the same amount of cheese on them if each person is to have the same amount and so that no one has more or less. That’s how it works here. Everyone gets an equal share so that everyone feels like their on equal ground which we all are. Ages and height don’t matter because what is age and height compared to the fact that we’re all human? Nothing. We’re human and we’ll always be human so we should all be treated like humans and hamsters should be treated like hamsters. VJ is treated like any other hamster would be treated and that’s why he loves me so much. Maybe it’s also why he hates Viena because Viena is always trying to take away his favourite wheel. Favourite. It isn’t just any wheel to VJ and not just any wheel will replace it at any time. The one he has is the only one he wants and the more Viena tries to take it from him the more he’s going to hate him and I know that because he used to like my older step brother at some point in time. I think it was back when he first bought him; VJ used to cuddle into his hands like a really happy cat like thing. Even though cats would eat him.... And spit him out and stuff. Oh, oh God. That’s a horrible image. Never again. Never again! Oh my God VJ I’m so sorry for thinking that about you. You aren’t like a cat – you’re like a hamster. A really cute white and brown fur hamster with brown eyes and a really short tail. So cute. Adorable. Adorable like Niko when he’s trying on Aija’s dresses and putting on little fashions shows for me when it’s just us in the afternoon while the other three are at school. Yes VJ, you are Niko adorable. And that’s something.

I still jump when I hear Viena’s voice even though I had heard that powerful rhythm hit me like a brick wall. Master of surprise I know I shouldn’t be freaked out when I hear him. My family, their rhythms, they all fit together like the perfect puzzle. Kalle’s rhythm is low and smooth and forms the bass of the song, Raimonds’ rhythm weaves into the gaps of Kalle’s and solidifies it, Aija’s is light and thrumming and gives the thing that draws you in, Niko’s is bright an flits into the song like the perfect covering of sprinkles on a cake and Viena’s is the rope that holds it all together. It’s low, powerful and beats against my eardrums. It’s almost addictive in that way – blends into my song perfectly. At first, when I was maybe twelve, I thought it meant we were supposed to be together in the future but that dream was shattered almost a week later when Māte told me that I couldn’t marry my brother. Now that I think about it she was right and I was a stupid young child who leaned on this ability too much. I thought everyone was nice and fun and awesome because their rhythms were like that but eventually my eyes were opened to the truth. More like people opened my eyes to the truth with how rude and selfish they could be. I promised, I promise, I’ll never be one of those people. I want to help them not be those people and how can I help them change if I’m one of them? I can’t. That hurts. I like helping.

Viena’s hand in my hair is comforting like Māte’s hugs when I’m feeling lonely. His questions are already answered because I don’t have to speak and he knows what I’ll say because I can’t say no. I can’t deny my siblings adult supervision when they need it and I won’t call a babysitter last minute ever again – not after that first time when Phaedon wanted to go shopping and I left him hanging for maybe two hours while I listed off everything they needed to know. Granted we did go but only for maybe an hour and then I invited him over for dinner because I felt horrible that I’d ruined a day he’d wanted to spend with me. I don’t think I’d bought anything.... No, I bought the navy blue Old Navy sweat pants I’m wearing right now.

“I hope you don’t plan on getting drunk and coming home like that. I’ll make you sleep on the couch. Maybe I’ll give you a comforter because you know Kalle will say you don’t deserve one,” I stated more as a joke than anything else. Of course I’d drag him to his bed in our shared room and give him the warmest comforter and take off his socks because sleeping with socks is uncomfortable for me at least. Hell, I bet I’d even place a wet rag on his forehead since he always gets these little fevers when he drinks too much. He’s my brother. I need to take as much care of him as I can. “Well, no. I doubt that. You can’t drive home drunk can you? Nope. Because I know you’re more responsible than that.” I smiled and moved my tray of crackers with cheese on them into the oven and turned it on so I could melt the cheese and toast the crackers a little. Nothing like slightly toasted crackers and cheese. So good, really good. Not as good as how my first boyfriend made them seeing as he’s the one who introduced us to them. He used to use three different cheeses and toast them until the cheese was slightly brown and they’d taste so good I made him cake as a thank you. Nice guy – shame he had to move to Florida.

Not that I enjoy talking about him much because as nice a guy he was he had some bad habits – the reason why I don’t like talking to him much. He just, he just expected too many things that I could give and he liked to smoke in my house even though my siblings were around and he was just plain rude to my parents. I tried to fix him and.... I don’t want to think about him. I prefer to think about all the beautiful pictures Magnus takes, all the music Caymen makes, the things Alessia collects and the style Phaedon has. My friends, I like to think about them and everything that makes them the wonderful and fantastic people they are. I love them, every single last thing that I could possibly ever love about them. I’d do anything for them if they wanted me to and I think that they’d do anything for me but I’d never ask them for anything; their friendship is enough. It’s enough for me knowing that they want to be around me because anyone who pays attention would know that I want to be around them. All the time. I want to see them laugh and smile and have fun like everyone should. They’re everything to me. They mean just as much as my family – they are my family. I want to adopt them all into my house and give them everything they want and need. Seriously, I’d do it if I could Though it would be kind of odd if I adopted Magnus and Cayman seeing as their three years older than I am but the point remains that I’d love it if they were my family. Them being friends is awesome too. Awesome. Amazing. There isn’t even a word to describe how they make me feel. Ecstatic maybe? I don’t like to swear but.... Fucking glorious. I can be happy if their happy. I am happy.

“Oh, Aija. Can you go change VJ’s water? I put some in this morning but that was at four-thirty and I’d rather he had fresh water.” She doesn’t say a word but she does get up. I love her.

I wonder what everyone is up to.