Snippet #2110378

Philip was already on his second stick when he noticed silhouette of a woman walking towards him. As she moved in closely, he recognized that it’s Kate. He drew in one deep smoke letting it fill his lungs and slowly exhaling it away. She gracefully sat beside him only a few inches apart. At that moment, Philip wanted to be left alone but somehow Kate presence makes him feel otherwise. He was longing for her - the sound of her voice, the touch of her hand on his skin, and the flash of that sweetest smile. He wanted the time to think by himself but he knows he can’t push her away anymore. She is his best friend; she has the every right to know.

"I thought you said you didn't smoke anymore... Is school really going that bad...?" [Kate]

Prior entering college, Philip never had a problem with school. He always had above average grades but recently he lost the interest to attend lectures. When he failed the screening at École des Beaux-Arts, his family has been pressuring him to take business instead. His parents did not understand that he never wanted that; it was taken lightly and ignored.

As soon as he learned that Kate got accepted to Julliard, he was envious of her. Laura and Trevor has always been there for Kate; they’ve never missed a show ever since she started dancing. Philip doesn’t know why his parents can’t be supportive of the things that his passionate of, it was the very least that they can do for him. When Kate and Philip started college, he started to distance himself from Kate because somehow she’s a constant reminder of what his parents can’t do for him. Also, he thinks little of himself every time he’s around Kate. Slowly, she is climbing towards success while for him he describes it as being stuck in limbo, floating around, undecided on what to do.

In order to take these things out his mind, he parties all night and end up not waking to attend the class the next day. It has taken a toll on their friendship and they did grew apart. Philip puffed in last one smoke and pressed it against on a wet side of the dock watching the cigar’s light diminish.

"Phillip...you used to tell me everything...Now I feel like I barely even know you.I miss the boy who I used to draw pictures with even though I sucked horribly at it. The boy I used to give the craziest dares to and he still would do them even if he got hurt." [Kate]

“I don’t know, Kate.” he shook his head. “I think I’m just making several bad decisions lately.” Philip continued, trying to laugh it out.

"I know we haven't talked as much as we used to...even since high school, But you know you can tell me anything...that I am still your biggest supporter ever." [Kate]

Philip wanted to hold her hand when she said those very words. Despite of his misbecomings, Kate never neglected him. She has always been there for him and at the same time understood him. He is thankful, yet still he hesitated to act upon it. “I still remember the promise we made to each other when we were eight.” he said as he looked into the lake, gazing at Kate’s reflection. “It was on this very edge of the dock. I remember you were sad because it was our last day before my family leave for France. You said you will never forget me and you wished I could have stayed.” he paused. “After all those years, I was not able to tell you this before, but I was so glad to hear those words from you. It made me feel that I matter to you.”

Going to the lake house during summer became a refuge to Philip because he knows that Kate will always be there. Kate the only person whom he trusts, the only person he can be honest to and yet she’s still the person whom he’ll hurt most. In addition to his family issue, he still can’t get Jace out of his mind. He is selfish because he believes time spent in the lake house should be only about him and Kate - no one else.

“But looking at things, everything is just so distant.” he said." I’m stuck in Columbia. God knows why i’m still keeping up with it. And you, you’re doing great at school and now you have Jace to accompany you wherever you go.” he said with bitterness.

“It’s just that things are doing well for you kate, but for me it’s like being stuck in a whirphool - going in circles, no where to go.”