- They say that a shattering earthquake smashes its fist into California every ten years. Well, at least, her PE teacher in eighth grade had told her that. Since then, Loren had kept a mental note of every year, counting down to the tenth year, counting how many years the earthquake was overdue. She had never been particularly afraid of the earthquake, merely curious as to whether the theory was, in fact, true. If it was, then it meant the earthquake that would finally happen would be completely overwhelming. A disaster. Terrifying, unexpected, and a force to be reckoned with.
So when the earthquake first began, Loren knew exactly what it was. She had been almost waiting for it, in a twisted sense that made her sick to her stomach. What if her counting the years had brought the earthquake, beckoned it to come closer and faster? It was irrational and crazy, but she had been so curious, and now... now it was here. She should have been the first person to go through the earthquake drills she had by now memorized from public school - get under a desk, grab its leg, and cover your head. She had never really believed it would help, but it was what she had done in elementary school. But she was frozen solid, staring helplessly with wide, aghast eyes at the ground. This couldn't be happening. No. What about her parents? God, what about Adam? What if he was still alive? She hadn't tried hard enough to find him! And her parents! She had never apologized, never even thought to, but now she just wanted to die with amends peacefully made, reconciled perfectly and happily.
At the most critical moment, she had failed.
"GET DOWN!" Zac screamed at her, right when she realized she had to do something. Surprise unto surprise, Loren froze once more, unable to comprehend what was going on. The chaos of it. The sheer suddenness of it. Destruction always caught you off guard, didn't it? Disaster struck when you thought you were happy, without mercy and without feeling. Completely heartless, and completely breathtaking in the worst way. It tightened her muscles. But Zac, darling Zac at least he was with her that made things better, tackled her and brought her down with him. His arms were around her. This was nice. If things had been different, it would have been nice. She tried to make herself smaller, shrink into his arms, leaning into him, curling up beside him and holding on tightly. I'm not going to let go I'm not going to let go I'm not going to let go, she repeated, her own private mantra. If only the moment would pause for the rest of her life, or what little was left of it.
The moment, however, didn't freeze, interrupted by a cry that broke Loren's heart, moved her heart out of its shocked state. Zac was hurt. Oh God, Zac was hurt. Loren stared at him fiercely, his pain acting as the ice that brought her out of numb slumber. "Zac, be okay," she said fiercely, intensely, begging with her eyes and commanding with her voice. "Be completely okay. Be perfectly fine. And do not leave me, ever," she continued, refusing to let her voice crack. She would be the strong one, right now. Zac was hurt, and she wasn't, because he had his arms around her; she was always safe with him. And what had it brought him?
The guilt made her want to weep. She began to tremble, but it wasn't time to be embarrassed, to feel ashamed of her weaknesses; it was a time to make sure Zac okay. The shaking ceased almost as abruptly as it had started - or at least, that was how it seemed. Loren tried to hold onto Zac before he tried to get up, the foolish male creature, but he persisted anyway. Goddammit, didn't he understand he was injured? What was it about men and their stupid pride? What if it got worse? What if he fell? Why couldn't he just let her get up and examine him first, make sure he was okay, gently touch him all over and whisper comforts in his ear, softly coo and reassure him of all that is good in the world? She just wanted to be the one to give him something, too. It was always him making her feel safe, always him tackling her and using his own body to keep her safe, always him having to sacrifice something for her.
It was her turn to repay him.
She didn't stop the tears that welled to her eyes when he gasped. It hurt, to see the ones you cared about hurt. It hurt to be afraid. It hurt to not know. Loren got up quickly and knelt down beside him, staring in horror. He was trapped. His desk was on top of him, and he was stuck. Oh dear fucking Lord how the hell did this happen? "Loren," he said, calling her out of her panic. Even now, his voice had the ability to calm the raging sea that was her mind, her feelings. "Loren," he repeated. The flames cooled, lowered, bringing clarity back to her thoughts and in her expression. Her facial expression gentled, and she brought out her hand to put a palm to his forehead, as if Zac was sick.
She didn't dare say a word. She didn't want any of this to be real, and speaking would break the dreamlike quality on this entire nightmare.
"Loren, my legs are trapped," Zac said calmly. How the hell could he be fucking calm when he had just fucking admitted that he was fucking trapped?! She was ready to yell at him, but he was hurt, and he was hurt because of her, and she wouldn't do anything to upset him, ever. Especially not now. He met her eyes and she looked down immediately, unable to handle the emotion she saw.
"You've got to pull me out."
Loren raised her head sharply, her jaw falling open, her eyebrows catapulting high above her forehead. "Me?!" she said, despite her resolve to remain silent. "Zac, what if I... what if I hurt you more?" she continued, her voice beginning to crack. "This is all my fault, this is all my fucking fault..." she was rambling now, her words falling out like stones from a harlot's mouth, the whore who had gotten stoned for all of her sins. They were spilling, no thought whatsoever, as she spoke, spoke, spoke.
"I think my leg is broken," Zac continued. Always the strong one. She hated that; if he showed any panic as well, it would make her feel so much better. Now, she just felt crazy, insecure, like she was overreacting to a perfectly normal situation. But it wasn't normal, it was insane, and it wasn't real. She shook her head, but he didn't seem to care. "You've got to promise me that no matter what, you're going to get me free. If I cry out, hell, if I scream, you keep pulling. Then I'm gonna get us out, I promise." Loren said nothing, still stubbornly resisting, but he took his hands and locked eye contact. She tried to hold onto her resolve, but it was fading, dissolving into the warmth she found in Zac's eyes.
God, she never could say no to him.
He broke the long moment by pulling out the guitar, sliding it towards her. "I'm not going to be able to carry that out," he said.
"Why the hell are you thinking about your fucking guitar right now?!" Loren screamed, suddenly losing her cool. "You're fucking trapped and I'm fucking okay and I... I..." She swallowed hard, forcing the tears stinging behind her eyes to retreat. She took a deep breath and spoke softly. "I'm going to pull you out."
She held on tightly to his hands, staring down at them, avoiding his eyes. She didn't want to see his pain. She wanted to kiss his fingers, his hands, all over, the callouses from making the most beautiful music she had ever heard. If he actually made it out alive, she would tell him everything. She would kiss his hands, if he wanted. She just didn't want to lose him.
"Remember, keep pulling." Remember? How could she forget? This was her responsibility, her burden to maneuver, her cross to carry. This was all of her fault, and what if Zac lost his legs? She wouldn't leave him alone for a second, then. She would stay at his side every fucking second. She wouldn't forget this, wouldn't forget this debt.
"On three. One..." One time, she had looked at Zac while he was half asleep, and thought, I should tell him. And she almost had; she'd opened her mouth to say something, when he started talking for her, about something completely random and unimportant. Loren had taken it as a sign... but perhaps that had been her fault, too. Maybe it was a test, to see how much she cared. To see if she was brave enough. But she'd neglected the moment, let the opportunity slide by, and now they were here, trapped - Zac by the desk, Loren by the future. She didn't want to imagine the future from now on. Their friendship would be changed forever; how could she let go of this instant? The fact that it was all her fault, putting Zac in this situation by freezing up? She was an idiot.
"Two..." For a long time, she'd relied on Zac to help her forget about her family. His sense of humor, his larger than life personality, everything about him was so different than what she had grown up with. No more rules, no more structure, just the freedom of music, and the freedom of friendship. No more perfect little Loren Craft, the Craft daughter, the beauty who would certainly go places, maybe even become a princess. But nobody had understood that she didn't want to be a princess; she wanted to feel like she wasn't missing out on some secret everyone else knew, like she understood the punch line of a joke that the rest of the world was laughing at. It was her running away, again. But no more. She was going to go through with this. She hadn't promised Zac with her words, but she had promised him in every other way that she would take care of him. Even if he might end up getting more injured in the process.
"Three."
There was only one thing left to do: pull.