"This hurts so much
This knowing carries me
We want so bad
We forget we are free"
Sometimes, if I think really hard, I can remember everything. Sometimes I find myself lost in my head, in my own thought's world. If I think hard enough, sometimes I can remember colors and smells of everything I've ever done. The problem is that the memories get muddled and cloudy easily.. So I spend my time matching ideas with familiar pictures. Usually time goes by without me fully knowing.. Sometimes I get so absorbed in ideas that I can't see reality anymore, and at that point my twin usually has to send a mental message through to break the barrier that holds my mind captive.
On top of the daze I'd slipped into, I could feel.. sense.. tension in the house. Worried tension. At the time I hadn't know Sin was the reason causing it.. The reckless dark side of Rayne.. Often I find myself questioning the girls mental state, with her split personalities. mostly I try to avoid her.. Only because I can handle her at small doses at a time. Then again.. My introverted nature provides an easy getaway from any social contact; not that Aser would let that happen.
It was probably not as much time as I thought when I recovered from my haze of memory. The memory itself was distant and hard to fully grasp. It felt like waking up from a dream and remembering a lot of bits and pieces, but not being able to connect them. Times like these I found myself frustrated, but I didn't have time to complain. I was about to completely leave the room, when Aser tapped into my brain, telling me to meet him in a hallway and look out for Sin. Sometimes I didn't understand what the danger was of her anyway, but I didn't want to cause any debates about it. Let people do what they want right?
All in all though.. I had to admit I was afraid. It was brave of us all to stand up to that woman the way we had.. But we were left with nothing but paper and heavy hearts. I knew we were finally able to leave. We were free. But.. As much as I feared her.. I was scared to be free.
This knowing carries me
We want so bad
We forget we are free"
Sometimes, if I think really hard, I can remember everything. Sometimes I find myself lost in my head, in my own thought's world. If I think hard enough, sometimes I can remember colors and smells of everything I've ever done. The problem is that the memories get muddled and cloudy easily.. So I spend my time matching ideas with familiar pictures. Usually time goes by without me fully knowing.. Sometimes I get so absorbed in ideas that I can't see reality anymore, and at that point my twin usually has to send a mental message through to break the barrier that holds my mind captive.
On top of the daze I'd slipped into, I could feel.. sense.. tension in the house. Worried tension. At the time I hadn't know Sin was the reason causing it.. The reckless dark side of Rayne.. Often I find myself questioning the girls mental state, with her split personalities. mostly I try to avoid her.. Only because I can handle her at small doses at a time. Then again.. My introverted nature provides an easy getaway from any social contact; not that Aser would let that happen.
It was probably not as much time as I thought when I recovered from my haze of memory. The memory itself was distant and hard to fully grasp. It felt like waking up from a dream and remembering a lot of bits and pieces, but not being able to connect them. Times like these I found myself frustrated, but I didn't have time to complain. I was about to completely leave the room, when Aser tapped into my brain, telling me to meet him in a hallway and look out for Sin. Sometimes I didn't understand what the danger was of her anyway, but I didn't want to cause any debates about it. Let people do what they want right?
All in all though.. I had to admit I was afraid. It was brave of us all to stand up to that woman the way we had.. But we were left with nothing but paper and heavy hearts. I knew we were finally able to leave. We were free. But.. As much as I feared her.. I was scared to be free.
Alless found herself strolling down the hall, letting her feet take her the direction her mind pictured. She floated almost, as if she'd just waken up and still felt a bit light headed. Her feet barely made a noise as they delicately contacted the ground. She ended up outside of Solomon's room, as she carefully swept into place slightly behind her twin. His dark hair covered half of his face as usual. His appearance gave a strong yet dependable vibe that Alless always liked about him. She always felt safe beside him and never felt uncomfortable in his presence.
He looked busy.. Or at least something occupied his mind. She could tell he was a bit stressed, feeling as though he owed the family to be their leader. She didn't fully agree with this opinion on the matter, but she appreciated his care for the others. She had always looked up to him like an older brother rather than a twin because he seemed so much more charismatic and friendly than herself. She knew she was intelligent and a lovely person herself, but she could never figure out how to connect with people like she often saw him do. She envied his ease of communication sometimes, all of them in fact. Many of them were either outgoing and bold, or shy and adorable. The outgoing bold ones always seemed to "make a name" for themselves, while the shy adorable ones always seemed to get attention because of how cute they were. Being one of the oldest, Alless knew she couldn't get away with the "cute" act. She looked too elegant
and an older kind of beautiful than the other girls' young pretty look. Most of the time she went unnoticed, which is didn't bother her as much as it should.
She wondered if her twin would've noticed she had arrived if she hadn't softly placed her hand on the side of his arm. She gave him a comforting look, even though there was so much more to say to him. She wished she could help him relax a bit, but she could tell they wouldn't be feeling safe for a long time. At least not in this blood stained house, wreaking of murder, guilt, and betrayal. Her stomach seemed to turn at the thought, and even more at the smell of the drying blood. She felt a bit sick, but she knew she'd have to stay together mostly for Aser's sake. He was worried as much as it was.
Mainly her goal of the day was to successfully leave the house with everyone mostly in tact. Hopefully Rayne would come back, and many of their minds would be at ease. The main problem was what to do when they left. None of them had too much knowledge of what the actual world was like. She hadn't really ever left the property in her life. Sometimes she was nervous just venturing out into the garden, because of how open and exposed she felt. She could only imagine what it'd be like outside the walls of a place she'd known her whole life. She suddenly felt cold, and she wrapped her pale fragile arms around her body. Her muscles tensed, and she shivered a bit. Occasionally she got these chills. Ever since she could remember she experienced them at random.. But they happened often when she was feeling stressed or anxious. She knew that leaving the house would eventually lead her to panicking for some reason. Probably separation from her twin would harm her.
Her fears usually went along the boarder line of slightly irrational. But the thing she feared now was more understandable. The idea of them being on their own scared her as much as she felt safe with her twin. At the same time she was happy to be leaving, she felt a bit numb and empty at the fact they had to start completely from scratch and somehow figure out how to survive together. She knew her selfish jealousy would probably kick in when everyone was in need of her twin. Without him around she always felt incredibly lonely. The kind of lonely that hangs in the room, and practically takes the place of anyone. It seemed to fill her body and swallow her whole. Maybe she was just being paranoid, but the feeling wouldn't drop and it didn't intend to.
The idea of grasping her freedom so easily was like being offered something you wanted so badly, but felt cautious because of how easily you attained it. She thought killing the woman would be harder. She thought she'd feel more emotion toward it.. But she didn't. What she wanted was to feel a bit of understanding from anyone.. But she didn't expect to get any because no one would have the time to do it. Everyone was confused and borderline panicking in her opinion, and her antisocialness always seemed to come back to haunt her. More or less she was trapped in herself more than the walls of the house.
"What hurts so much
Is knowing we are free"
Is knowing we are free"