Snippet #2360227

He was really getting too predictable, Julius mentally chastised himself as he realized where his feet were taking him halfway to his destination. The tent leading to the Lion's Den was looming ever closer, a safe haven for him to retreat to, to get away from everything. He could hide there for a good while, until it was time for the show, until he felt like he no longer wanted to vomit or, alternatively, shatter into a thousand pieces. He could just sit there amidst his lions, his confidants, and pretend like none of this had happened and that he hadn't made a right idiot of himself, bursting in on that emotional, private moment and then running off with as much grace as a seal on land.

He nearly made it too before a hand wrapped itself around his wrist, yanking him forcefully to a stop. He must have been really out of it, so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't even notice someone approach. He turned around and caught sight of Derrick. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, he was crying. An apology fought to fall off of his lips, even if he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for because he hardly knew why he was upset, let alone Derrick. But all thoughts of apologies melted away when Derrick spoke through his tears, voice angry, fists clinched as if he'd like nothing more than to punch Julius.

His words didn't make much sense at first, but as he continued, Julius' racing mind began to put the pieces together, or at least how he understood them. Derrick- Derrick thought that he was jealous because he liked Brink and- and he was upset. He was upset because Julius didn't like him? But that didn't make sense because- because- and that's when the revelation that he was jealous of Brink because of Derrick shot through his mind. That's why earlier, and now, and so many times before, just seeing them together, so companionably had torn him up on the inside. But Derrick shouldn't care- he'd just been flirting with him. Everyone at the circus flirted, he remembered that lesson quite vividly from Lydia all those years ago. The flirtation meant nothing, so why was Derrick...? And now Derrick assumed, just because he cared about Brink that-! His mind was short-circuiting, thoughts traveling too fast to make sense. His mouth was moving now, really just gaping like a fish gasping for water on land, before he even had the presence of mind to say anything.

"What? How could you-? You idiot, I'm not jealous because I like Brink! I- I'm jealous of Brink! I like you." With that, he suddenly leaned down and kissed Derrick. It wasn't a perfect kiss, a little clumsy due to the suddenness of it, and imperfect given Julius didn't exactly have much experience with kissing, but it was filled with raw emotion- the only thing that Julius was feeling right now.

He stayed like that for a few moments before, just as suddenly as he'd given the kiss, he pulled back, a look of dawning surprise and horror on his face. He'd just kissed Derrick. He'd just kissed him. He wasn't even sure if Derrick liked him- it's not like he'd outright said it, and he'd made this mistake before and now he was making it again, confessing to someone who'd just been playing around and not even understanding the emotions going into it yet. It was all so sudden and he was so confused and-

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," He was probably babbling now, backing away. "I am so, so sorry." And with that last apology, he took off to safety, to think, to try to ignore the fact that he'd probably just ruined one of the best friendships of his life on an emotional impulse. In a few short seconds, he disappeared into the lion's tent, shaking like a leaf.