Aleph Banton
So this is what he was now? A sniveling, pathetic excuse for the knight he had once been long ago? Someone who couldn't even come to face the fact that he was graced with Faith's presence before him, because he did not want to accept it. The person who he had wished he saved, the one who he had drunk himself silly because he missed, the one he wasn't able enough to save was standing right in front of him, shouting at him, telling him she was alive, and he refused to believe it even then. How much more sad could he get? He was not worthy of being called pathetic, that's how low he was now.
She continued to scream at him, scream at how they weren't even a couple. That was true. There would've only been a slight chance that it wasn't, if she had 'died' but a day later, instead of the night that she did. That's when... Well, that doesn't matter now, does it? It never happened. Never could. It would always be a regret. Everything in his life would be a regret. He was just full of them, and now one of the biggest regrets of them all was shouting so loudly in his face that he couldn't even really hear, but only because he wasn't listening. His mind shut out everything for the time being. Nothing but one line repeated in his head.
You're dead.
It was his voice. It was him. He was telling someone that she was dead, to her face, and she denied it, as anyone would. He was just ranting on and on about how she had to be dead, when she was doing everything she could in an attempt to get him to stop. But could she? If she wasn't dead, then what? Would he just smile, be happy? Would he forget everything else and pretend like it never happened? If only. At this point, the fact that she was alive was scarier than watching her die again. He'd much rather have her die with a decent thought about him in her head, than live with.... this as her thought of him. Because if she thought low of him............
What would anything else matter? Life? Honor? Chivalry? All those things he was taught when he was young, by his father... who really gives a flying fuck? Is there any reason why he should? Because it was something to remember his father by? Ha, as if. His father was a regret. His life was regret. What couldn't he regret about himself? That word essentially summed him up entirely. He so desperately wanted to get out of that cycle. Being in a war, killing people, causing people harm.... Regret, regret, regret. But the biggest one, even bigger than now? The one that he could never forget, or redeem himself for? Killing his father, and his brother. Out of jealousy. Oh how his life was nothing but despair.
But he tried so hard to simply shrug it off and move on. To become a better man, he walked as if he was a knight. He protected people when he could, and killed those who would kill others. He, knowing that it wouldn't save him, attempted to be the kind of man he had always wanted to be. His father. His father, the great man he murdered, whose only crime was attempting to save his other child from Aleph. His other, good child. The one that had promise. And not only did he fail to do that, but he himself was killed, while Aleph managed to pin the blame on the one he had murdered. The only reason he did not kill himself, avenge his family from himself, was because he was too scared and knew he was not allowed such an easy way out. He was a coward, but a prideful one. He had to do something to make up for it.
So, after all those years, why did fate trick him like this? He had thought that, perhaps during the travels with Faith, that maybe he had done enough to at least find something real to live for. Something not empty. A purpose. But she was cruel. Fate was. When he decided that it had been more than enough time for him to make a solid confession of the feelings that he had developed, Faith, both figuratively and literally, was taken away from him. And now, here she sits, screaming, punching, and hugging at him, and he can only deny her existence.
Aleph closed his eyes. Everything went quiet. He took one, two, three deep breaths, slowly, surely. He calmed himself, regained some composure. He had to do this, at least. He had to accept things. Because he finally realized that he had never grown up. He was still that same selfish boy that murdered his parents. He neglected to even think before he spoke about how they were, or rather, how he had wanted them to be. It was a tad-bit embarrassing to see her alive and for her to hear that, but nothing could be done about it now.
"Either way I'm breathing!"
Aleph smiled... but something was missing from it. It was nothing weird. It wasn't creepy or anything, it was just... empty. But he did smile. "Yes... you are. You're alive." he said, chuckling a bit. This was also empty. "How... immature of myself. For that, and for assuming things when I was too dumb to confess earlier. Sorry. For everything. I'm just a selfish, self-centered man under the guise of a knight, nothing more. Well, not even that now..." he trailed off for a moment, possibly thinking about something else before continuing with, "...I'll try. I'll try to act like a grown-up now. I can't begin to express how sorry I am. To both of you. Dealing with an overgrown child is something nobody should be forced to deal with with the world as it is." the empty smile on his face had been replaced with a stoic look. "You may both leave. I will be fine on my own. Faith isn't dead, so I don't believe I'll need alcohol anymore."