Eleanor took a few, rapid, shaky breaths as the pain in her side began to dissipate, trying to regain her composure. She was losing her mind. She was truly losing her grip on reality. She couldn't even close her eyes now, not even what should be the comforting company of the man she loved most in the world. Her fear and paranoia was consuming her and winning, despite her best efforts to hold herself together. Other than James and her brother, there was no one here in the North she truly trusted, and she could tell neither of them about her fears. Here, she wasn't adored by the court or watched fondly by those who'd seen her grow up as she had been at home. Here she was looked upon with cold, judging eyes. If her mother was here, or even Harriet, she could tell them of her terrors, and she may find some solace in that. But she couldn't. And, she truly thought if she lost this child it may be the end of her.
"My love, what is it? Is it the child?” Eleanor heard her husband say, his demanding voice suddenly close to her. She felt his hand take her trembling one. “Should I send for the physician?”
"No, no. I'm fine," she reassured him softly, lifting her head and straightening her body a little. "He's just kicking," Eleanor promised, excluding exactly what it was that had caused her child's unease. Her husband did not need that worry. Not with his brother missing, his sister being sent away to the Emerald Isles and the impending war with the Rayleigh's all weighing on his mind. The last thing he needed was to worry about his wife's mental state and the health of his child. All she had to do was was remain, to all appearances, perfectly well for a few more weeks and deliver a perfect baby boy. As a wife, she should be able to do at least that.
"Feel how strong he is," Eleanor's voice was a wisp of breath, for fear that if she put any more force behind it, it may crack and show her true terror. She lifted the hand that was intertwined with her own to a spot just above the original source of her pain, where the babe's foot had moved to and was now nudging her lightly. Eleanor placed James' hand over where the child was moving, holding it there for a few seconds of silence, the only sound being that of their own breaths. She then lifted her head to meet James' eye, almost as though she was searching for his approval.
Eleanor then leant in and placed her lips against his, kissing him sweetly. "I'm fine," she reassured once more, pulling back, a tight smile fixed on her features. "He's fine. He's...perfect," Eleanor promised, as though if she repeated her version of the truth enough times it may just come to pass.