It took everything Nostariel had left to get Sophia back on her feet and drag herself back down to the clinic. In truth, she couldnât even remember if she locked her door as she stumbled back in across the thresholdâher vision had been going in and out by that point, and she may have only let it fall shut before she lurched over to the nearest cot and fell into it, not even able to take her boots off before oblivion took her. The strain of protracted reliance on artificial mana had bled her dry of basically everything she had, and she was certain she looked more like a Darkspawn than a Warden by the time she was finally done.
The first time she woke was three days later, and that only because she wasâquite literallyâstarving, and desperately in need of nourishment. Someone, she knew not who, had left basic food items on her counter, fruits, bread, cheese, and the like. She did not take this to mean sheâd forgotten to lock the doorâshe knew many people who could easily make quick work of such a simple measure, after all. By the time sheâd downed all she could make herself eat, she was shaking from the strain of being up and moving again, and she fell back asleep leaning against the counter, only to wake again a few hours later and lose most of what sheâd eaten, half-digested at best.
Remembering only then her lessons on things like this, she stuck to water and weak, fitful dozing for a couple of days after that, and transitioned back into solid food only when she could move around without excessive risk of toppling over. She still spent most of her days sleeping for the better part of two weeks in total, and even then, she felt thin and ragged, but content. Looking outside was at least not likely to bring her images of the dying or dead anymore, the sun was bright enough for the time of year, and her friends⊠her friends were alive this time. At least as far as she knew. She really did need to go pay some visits to make absolutely certainânot all of them had been much better than she was by the end of all that. One step at a time thoughâfor now, she was going to tidy the clinic.
Tap, tap, tap.
A series of soft raps echoed from Nostariel's window, and on the other side of the pane of glass stood Ashton, pointing questioningly at the door. It'd be just like him to barge through the door without asking first, but with all that she'd went through, he felt that a bit of finesse was required-- at least at the beginning. It'd become a routine for him by now, to make an occasional stop at the clinic and make sure that Nostariel was still alive, if not entirely conscious. In fact, he'd almost kept walking by until he confirmed that, no, the motion he saw wasn't just his eyes playing tricks on his mind.
He worried about her, but he also understood that he could do nothing beside occasionally checking on her and delivering basic foodstuffs. He'd not the gift she had, he was no healer, but that didn't mean she lacked his support. She needed her space to recover at her own pace, and his silly mug constantly staring at her would probably do more harm than good. He'd spent the time instead working on fixing his shop, and it served another purpose in helping to take his mind off his constant fretting. Seeing Nostariel up and moving, he breathed a deep sigh of relief, and the big smile plastered to his face was genuine. Slipping from the window to the door, he poked his head through and spoke, letting a bit of concern seep into his voice.
"You... Okay? How're you feeling?" Below Ashton's head, Snuffy's snout poked through and peered at Nostariel with puppy-dog eyes. Ash wasn't the only one who'd been worried.
Nostariel returned the smile, if a touch less broadly, and beckoned with her hand. As though sheâd ever turn him away. Still, sheâd appreciated the opportunity to get her feet back under her, so to speak. She wondered if he was responsible for the food, but didnât ask. There were a lot of people she could think of who might have done it, and that in itself was a gift. It didnât especially matter which one of them had covered her back this time, only that so many would. It was a nice feeling, to be able to fall backwards sometimes and know that there would always be someone there to catch her, and she found herself in high spirits despite her still somewhat-weakened condition.
âMuch better than I wasâŠhowever long ago you last saw me conscious.â She estimated that about a fortnight had passed since then, but it was no certain thingâher ability to keep track of time had been severely hobbled by her lack of much awareness. âActually, if you wouldnât mind catching me up on everything thatâs happened since Sophia woke up, Iâd appreciate it.â She pulled out a chair in an invitation to sit, then moved across to the other side of the counter to go back to putting things back in their places. There was a little niggling at the back of her mindâa small reminder that there was probably something else they ought to be talking about, but she wasnât quite prepared to bring that up at the moment, and so she left it be.
"Well, you know. Wouldn't be Kirkwall if something's not happening," Ashton admitted, taking the proffered seat. Snuffy followed him in, and laid down beside him, watching as Nostariel flitted about her shop. "Let's start with the most important bit?" He began with a cocky grin, "Repairs on my shop are going though it'll be another age before I ever get it stocked up again." The grin then shifted into a frown. It wasn't only the stock that he lost, but all of his wood art upstairs. Some were too scratched, others were outright smashed, but the people the potraits were modelled after were safe and that's all that really mattered in the end. He can replace his idle whittlings, he can't replace his friends. He stayed on the topic of his shop for only another moment before continuing.
He told her about the power struggle between Meredith's Templars and the Captainless guard, that was just as likely to run into a Templar as it was an ordinary guard. "So keep a Warden badge on you when you go out," A trickle of worry finding his voice again. He'd hate to have a mix up on their hands, and have to break into the Gallows for a second time, but if he needed to... He moved on and told Nostariel about how Aurora embarked on her journey home, and he continued to speak about relatively minor bits of news as she continued to tidy up around the clinic.
Ashton leaned back in his chair, lifting it off of two legs by the time he exhausted what news he knew. "The usual really. Kirkwall's a disaster, but it's our disaster. Do you, uh, need help?" He asked, wondering if she'd rather him do something besides nothing at all.
No sooner had he asked the question than Nostariel decided she was done enough for the moment, and took the seat beside him, propping her feet on her counter in an uncharacteristically-lax posture. She tipped her head back against the wooden chairânot the most comfortable arrangement, but a relief nonetheless. Her hands dangled on either side of her until she pulled one up into her lap and used the other to rub at the spot behind Snuffyâs ear that the hound favored. âIn truth, I think Iâve had about all the cleaning I can take.â It had been what sheâd been using to occupy herself for the last week, after all. While the place wasnât precisely spotless, it was close enough, and she really didnât want to spend any more time on it at the moment.
âIf you want to help me, you can help me get out of here for a while.â She smiled wryly and shrugged, slightly awkwardly considering she was still petting the dog. âIâm not exactly up for running about Kirkwall and chasing away bandits, but at this point, a little fresh air might do me some good, if youâve the time.â She wasnât so confident in her recovery that sheâd venture out of the city alone yet, but if there was someone else around to make sure she didnât break her leg in a foxhole, it might be nice to breathe something that didnât smell like cleaners or sooty aftermath.
"For you, my pretty little Warden? I've got nothing but time," He said, letting the chair settle back on all four legs again before rising. "And don't you worry about any of those pesky bandits trying to jump us, we've got ourselves a stalwart protector," He added, pointing at Snuffy. A proud bark was his immediate response, and she too rose from her haunches, eager to escape the hustle and bustle of the city. He let his grin linger for a while longer before letting this bravado fade away into something more... Natural. Soft, almost. A real smile fell into his lips as he offered his Nostariel a hand to her feet. "Come on, we'll steal you away from the city for a while. You deserve that much at least."
Somehow, they always managed to find their way back to this spot.
It was here, at this lookout point with a view of the city and the surrounding landscape, that Ashton had taught her to fire a bow, and told her the story of his greatest personal failure. But it had also been the site of many a pleasant sunset, and though it was still morning this time, she could almost see the other colors anyway. Picking a spot not too far back from the sheer drop-off that allowed for the view, Nostariel eased herself down into the grass. It wasnât the worst climb to get here by any means, but it wasnât especially easy, either, and she was still not exactly in great condition. Her breaths came a little faster and more shallowly than normal, and she could hear her heart thumping in her ears. Though⊠that may have more to do with what she was planning on saying than anything else.
She waited until Ash and Snuffy were more or less settled as well, folding her hands in her lap and fixing her eyes pointedly on the furthest point she could see. When was the last time she had been nervous in this way? She wasnât sure she could recall the feeling, at least not exactly. Unlike other kinds of anxiety, it wasnât wholly unpleasant, but⊠in some strange way that almost made it worse. Nostariel took a deep breath, filling her lungs with sweet mountain air, and then let it out again. âHey, Ash?â With some effort, she turned her head so as to be facing him instead of the horizon. âSorry to bring this up out of the blue but⊠what happened, before we split up the day of the attack⊠how should I take that?â
Ashton stood at the lip of the cliff, and beheld the horizon around them like the captain of a ship would his deck, with his hands on his hips and his back straight against the winds. It'd been... A while since they were last here, or at least he felt it was. Too long. It was a shame, really. He'd loved their little spot away from everything but each other. He closed his eyes and let go of a deeply held breath, one he didn't know he had pent up. With the breath, he could feel the stale city air escape his lungs and replaced with the fresh air around them. He missed this.
He pulled himself from the cliff's edge, and gave Snuffy a gentle pat on the head as he passed, making his way to his spot beside Nostariel. When she called his name, he tilted his head to look and waited to listen for what she wanted to say. And she was right, it was out of the blue. His eyes grew wide as saucers and he turned to look away, but there was no hiding the rosy tint in his cheeks. It was his turn to be a nervous wreck, and unlike Nostariel, he didn't have near the practice that entailed. It was a strange feeling, the warm fluttering in his stomach and his mind stumbling. "It's uh..." He tried and failed.
It happened in the heat of the moment, they were parting ways, unsure if he'd ever see her again. He did what his heart told him to, and told himself no regrets. "Well you see..." He floundered again. Ashton was not a man who got flustered, but then again, there he was. Maker he was terrible at this. But did he have any regrets? Not a single one. Unconsciously he ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his head, trying to ignore the burning in his ears.
"How... How do you think you should take it?"
Nostariel groaned, pulling her knees to her chest and setting her forehead against them, letting her hair do some of the work towards concealing her own (completely obvious anyway) embarrassment. Somehow the fact that he was clearly struggling for words made it even worse for her as well, and she would have laughed were she not so busy trying not to die of shame. That would be how she went, after all the other things that should have killed her. âI donât know; thatâs why I asked you!â Her voice was muffled, but still audible, the tips of her ears basically the same rosy shade as his.
Of course, when she lifted her head off her knees, it was obvious enough that the rest of her face and neck was basically the same. Nostariel couldnât help herselfâshe did laugh. They were adults, but seemingly incapable of acting like anything but children or awkward teenagers at the moment. It was at once mortifying and a little giddy. The look on his face, thoughâshe really couldnât help herself. When the only slightly hysterical giggling died down, she was still smiling like an idiot, but she didnât feel quite so awkward anymore. âWeâre not⊠very good at this, are we?â She took a deep breath and pressed her hands to her cheeks, feeling the warmth of the blush and shaking her head at herself.
"No. No we are not," Ashton agreed. Nostariel's laughter was infectious though and it leapt into his throat soon after. Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes he fell over backward and faced the sky above. His giggling was less restrained, fully aware of their ridiculousness. "Darkspawn? Fine, we can handle those. Demons? We fight them every other weekend. Qunari? Eh, no problem. But feelings? Feelings? Oh Maker please no, what're we going to do?" Ashton found himself in another laughing fit. The laughter had done something for him, he felt he wasn't as nervous, as stricken as a love-sick puppy. The gears in his mind began to turn again, though he still felt like his ears were pressed up against a torch.
Sliding his hands from his eyes to his forehead, he pushed the hair out of his face and stared at the clouds above them. He had an idea that his entire face was still red as a beet, but he didn't care anymore. They could sit there and try to fumble around miserably, or he could at least try to mount an attempt. He promised himself no regrets, but if he left this place without telling her... He didn't think he'd regret anything more. A glance to his side revealed Snuffy glaring at him. Fine, he mouthed.
"Nos, I..." He tried again. Rolling his eyes at himself he shook his head and pushed back up into a sitting position. Even after all that, he couldn't find the exact words he wanted to say. He didn't know how to word what he felt, because he never felt like that before. But... But maybe he was making it harder than it was supposed to be. It was the easiest thing in the world for him, a feeling so natural he couldn't imagine life without it. Couldn't imagine life without her. He reached across the gap between them, taking the hand from her face and cupping it in his. "I, uh..." His fingers tightened around hers, refusing to let go of her as he pulled.
Then something gave. A smile flitted into his lips as the words jumped into his head. "I have this secret, do you wanna know what it is?" Gone was all of his hesitance, his fear, his anxiety. He was right, if he'd just stop trying to fight against it, it was the most natural thing in the world. He really should just listen to his heart more often. His other hand came around and gently held the back of her head, pressing her forehead against his.
"I think I might be in love, Nos."
He might as well have stayed sprawled on the ground, because, small or not, that was likely where heâd end up considering the force with which Nostariel knocked into him. It really was a little bit like being an adolescent again, the strange excitement of nascent feelings which really werenât that nascent at all, just very new in the expression. She hugged him around the middle, still smiling like a lackwit, her happiness threatening to overflow her eyes in the form of joyful tears. She wasnât sure sheâd though they were possible, though of course sheâd heard the expression before. âWhat an incredible coincidence.â Nostariel rolled over onto her side, such that they were facing each other on the grass. âBecause⊠I think I might be in love too, Ash.â
And her skepticism be damned, there really were happy tears running down her face. Perhaps she was allowed something like that, after everything theyâd been through over these past few years. Sheâd fallen slowly, somewhere between all the work they both did and the demons, metaphorical and literal, they faced down, both together and apart. She hadnât been looking to, not after the last time. But whether sheâd known at the time or not, sheâd fallen hard, and it was an unmistakable relief to her that she hadnât been falling alone.
âDoes this mean that weâre, ahâŠâ She cleared her throat with lingering awkwardness, but she was still smiling, somehow much less concerned about that part than she had been before. âTogether?â It seemed a bit of a ridiculous formalityâbut then, if she remembered properly, there were a lot of ridiculous things about being in love. One simply ceased to care about how silly it all was. There was too much else to care about instead.
He was knocked backward but he laughed like a twit all the way. There was a certain liberation to be had in finally telling her what he'd known for so long. That he unequivocally, irrevocably loved her without a doubt in his mind. And when she mirrored his words, his smile reached from ear to ear. He felt like he was free falling, and hoped that he'd never stop. The smile spread so wide across his face and so earnest that it actually began to hurt. He saw the tears well up in her eyes, and despite himself he found his own watering as a result. He brushed his thumb across her face, wiping the tears away and pushing the hair out of her eyes. He'd never thought he'd feel like this, he could never have imagined the feeling of pure bliss between them. Once he believed that he didn't deserve it, but damn what he deserved-- he wanted this. More than anything else in the world.
"I really hope so," He chuckled, "else this is going to be incredibly awkward tomorrow." With nothing else to say, Ashton drew in close for another kiss, content that this time they both knew what it meant.
The first time she woke was three days later, and that only because she wasâquite literallyâstarving, and desperately in need of nourishment. Someone, she knew not who, had left basic food items on her counter, fruits, bread, cheese, and the like. She did not take this to mean sheâd forgotten to lock the doorâshe knew many people who could easily make quick work of such a simple measure, after all. By the time sheâd downed all she could make herself eat, she was shaking from the strain of being up and moving again, and she fell back asleep leaning against the counter, only to wake again a few hours later and lose most of what sheâd eaten, half-digested at best.
Remembering only then her lessons on things like this, she stuck to water and weak, fitful dozing for a couple of days after that, and transitioned back into solid food only when she could move around without excessive risk of toppling over. She still spent most of her days sleeping for the better part of two weeks in total, and even then, she felt thin and ragged, but content. Looking outside was at least not likely to bring her images of the dying or dead anymore, the sun was bright enough for the time of year, and her friends⊠her friends were alive this time. At least as far as she knew. She really did need to go pay some visits to make absolutely certainânot all of them had been much better than she was by the end of all that. One step at a time thoughâfor now, she was going to tidy the clinic.
Tap, tap, tap.
A series of soft raps echoed from Nostariel's window, and on the other side of the pane of glass stood Ashton, pointing questioningly at the door. It'd be just like him to barge through the door without asking first, but with all that she'd went through, he felt that a bit of finesse was required-- at least at the beginning. It'd become a routine for him by now, to make an occasional stop at the clinic and make sure that Nostariel was still alive, if not entirely conscious. In fact, he'd almost kept walking by until he confirmed that, no, the motion he saw wasn't just his eyes playing tricks on his mind.
He worried about her, but he also understood that he could do nothing beside occasionally checking on her and delivering basic foodstuffs. He'd not the gift she had, he was no healer, but that didn't mean she lacked his support. She needed her space to recover at her own pace, and his silly mug constantly staring at her would probably do more harm than good. He'd spent the time instead working on fixing his shop, and it served another purpose in helping to take his mind off his constant fretting. Seeing Nostariel up and moving, he breathed a deep sigh of relief, and the big smile plastered to his face was genuine. Slipping from the window to the door, he poked his head through and spoke, letting a bit of concern seep into his voice.
"You... Okay? How're you feeling?" Below Ashton's head, Snuffy's snout poked through and peered at Nostariel with puppy-dog eyes. Ash wasn't the only one who'd been worried.
Nostariel returned the smile, if a touch less broadly, and beckoned with her hand. As though sheâd ever turn him away. Still, sheâd appreciated the opportunity to get her feet back under her, so to speak. She wondered if he was responsible for the food, but didnât ask. There were a lot of people she could think of who might have done it, and that in itself was a gift. It didnât especially matter which one of them had covered her back this time, only that so many would. It was a nice feeling, to be able to fall backwards sometimes and know that there would always be someone there to catch her, and she found herself in high spirits despite her still somewhat-weakened condition.
âMuch better than I wasâŠhowever long ago you last saw me conscious.â She estimated that about a fortnight had passed since then, but it was no certain thingâher ability to keep track of time had been severely hobbled by her lack of much awareness. âActually, if you wouldnât mind catching me up on everything thatâs happened since Sophia woke up, Iâd appreciate it.â She pulled out a chair in an invitation to sit, then moved across to the other side of the counter to go back to putting things back in their places. There was a little niggling at the back of her mindâa small reminder that there was probably something else they ought to be talking about, but she wasnât quite prepared to bring that up at the moment, and so she left it be.
"Well, you know. Wouldn't be Kirkwall if something's not happening," Ashton admitted, taking the proffered seat. Snuffy followed him in, and laid down beside him, watching as Nostariel flitted about her shop. "Let's start with the most important bit?" He began with a cocky grin, "Repairs on my shop are going though it'll be another age before I ever get it stocked up again." The grin then shifted into a frown. It wasn't only the stock that he lost, but all of his wood art upstairs. Some were too scratched, others were outright smashed, but the people the potraits were modelled after were safe and that's all that really mattered in the end. He can replace his idle whittlings, he can't replace his friends. He stayed on the topic of his shop for only another moment before continuing.
He told her about the power struggle between Meredith's Templars and the Captainless guard, that was just as likely to run into a Templar as it was an ordinary guard. "So keep a Warden badge on you when you go out," A trickle of worry finding his voice again. He'd hate to have a mix up on their hands, and have to break into the Gallows for a second time, but if he needed to... He moved on and told Nostariel about how Aurora embarked on her journey home, and he continued to speak about relatively minor bits of news as she continued to tidy up around the clinic.
Ashton leaned back in his chair, lifting it off of two legs by the time he exhausted what news he knew. "The usual really. Kirkwall's a disaster, but it's our disaster. Do you, uh, need help?" He asked, wondering if she'd rather him do something besides nothing at all.
No sooner had he asked the question than Nostariel decided she was done enough for the moment, and took the seat beside him, propping her feet on her counter in an uncharacteristically-lax posture. She tipped her head back against the wooden chairânot the most comfortable arrangement, but a relief nonetheless. Her hands dangled on either side of her until she pulled one up into her lap and used the other to rub at the spot behind Snuffyâs ear that the hound favored. âIn truth, I think Iâve had about all the cleaning I can take.â It had been what sheâd been using to occupy herself for the last week, after all. While the place wasnât precisely spotless, it was close enough, and she really didnât want to spend any more time on it at the moment.
âIf you want to help me, you can help me get out of here for a while.â She smiled wryly and shrugged, slightly awkwardly considering she was still petting the dog. âIâm not exactly up for running about Kirkwall and chasing away bandits, but at this point, a little fresh air might do me some good, if youâve the time.â She wasnât so confident in her recovery that sheâd venture out of the city alone yet, but if there was someone else around to make sure she didnât break her leg in a foxhole, it might be nice to breathe something that didnât smell like cleaners or sooty aftermath.
"For you, my pretty little Warden? I've got nothing but time," He said, letting the chair settle back on all four legs again before rising. "And don't you worry about any of those pesky bandits trying to jump us, we've got ourselves a stalwart protector," He added, pointing at Snuffy. A proud bark was his immediate response, and she too rose from her haunches, eager to escape the hustle and bustle of the city. He let his grin linger for a while longer before letting this bravado fade away into something more... Natural. Soft, almost. A real smile fell into his lips as he offered his Nostariel a hand to her feet. "Come on, we'll steal you away from the city for a while. You deserve that much at least."
Somehow, they always managed to find their way back to this spot.
It was here, at this lookout point with a view of the city and the surrounding landscape, that Ashton had taught her to fire a bow, and told her the story of his greatest personal failure. But it had also been the site of many a pleasant sunset, and though it was still morning this time, she could almost see the other colors anyway. Picking a spot not too far back from the sheer drop-off that allowed for the view, Nostariel eased herself down into the grass. It wasnât the worst climb to get here by any means, but it wasnât especially easy, either, and she was still not exactly in great condition. Her breaths came a little faster and more shallowly than normal, and she could hear her heart thumping in her ears. Though⊠that may have more to do with what she was planning on saying than anything else.
She waited until Ash and Snuffy were more or less settled as well, folding her hands in her lap and fixing her eyes pointedly on the furthest point she could see. When was the last time she had been nervous in this way? She wasnât sure she could recall the feeling, at least not exactly. Unlike other kinds of anxiety, it wasnât wholly unpleasant, but⊠in some strange way that almost made it worse. Nostariel took a deep breath, filling her lungs with sweet mountain air, and then let it out again. âHey, Ash?â With some effort, she turned her head so as to be facing him instead of the horizon. âSorry to bring this up out of the blue but⊠what happened, before we split up the day of the attack⊠how should I take that?â
Ashton stood at the lip of the cliff, and beheld the horizon around them like the captain of a ship would his deck, with his hands on his hips and his back straight against the winds. It'd been... A while since they were last here, or at least he felt it was. Too long. It was a shame, really. He'd loved their little spot away from everything but each other. He closed his eyes and let go of a deeply held breath, one he didn't know he had pent up. With the breath, he could feel the stale city air escape his lungs and replaced with the fresh air around them. He missed this.
He pulled himself from the cliff's edge, and gave Snuffy a gentle pat on the head as he passed, making his way to his spot beside Nostariel. When she called his name, he tilted his head to look and waited to listen for what she wanted to say. And she was right, it was out of the blue. His eyes grew wide as saucers and he turned to look away, but there was no hiding the rosy tint in his cheeks. It was his turn to be a nervous wreck, and unlike Nostariel, he didn't have near the practice that entailed. It was a strange feeling, the warm fluttering in his stomach and his mind stumbling. "It's uh..." He tried and failed.
It happened in the heat of the moment, they were parting ways, unsure if he'd ever see her again. He did what his heart told him to, and told himself no regrets. "Well you see..." He floundered again. Ashton was not a man who got flustered, but then again, there he was. Maker he was terrible at this. But did he have any regrets? Not a single one. Unconsciously he ran a hand through his hair and scratched the back of his head, trying to ignore the burning in his ears.
"How... How do you think you should take it?"
Nostariel groaned, pulling her knees to her chest and setting her forehead against them, letting her hair do some of the work towards concealing her own (completely obvious anyway) embarrassment. Somehow the fact that he was clearly struggling for words made it even worse for her as well, and she would have laughed were she not so busy trying not to die of shame. That would be how she went, after all the other things that should have killed her. âI donât know; thatâs why I asked you!â Her voice was muffled, but still audible, the tips of her ears basically the same rosy shade as his.
Of course, when she lifted her head off her knees, it was obvious enough that the rest of her face and neck was basically the same. Nostariel couldnât help herselfâshe did laugh. They were adults, but seemingly incapable of acting like anything but children or awkward teenagers at the moment. It was at once mortifying and a little giddy. The look on his face, thoughâshe really couldnât help herself. When the only slightly hysterical giggling died down, she was still smiling like an idiot, but she didnât feel quite so awkward anymore. âWeâre not⊠very good at this, are we?â She took a deep breath and pressed her hands to her cheeks, feeling the warmth of the blush and shaking her head at herself.
"No. No we are not," Ashton agreed. Nostariel's laughter was infectious though and it leapt into his throat soon after. Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes he fell over backward and faced the sky above. His giggling was less restrained, fully aware of their ridiculousness. "Darkspawn? Fine, we can handle those. Demons? We fight them every other weekend. Qunari? Eh, no problem. But feelings? Feelings? Oh Maker please no, what're we going to do?" Ashton found himself in another laughing fit. The laughter had done something for him, he felt he wasn't as nervous, as stricken as a love-sick puppy. The gears in his mind began to turn again, though he still felt like his ears were pressed up against a torch.
Sliding his hands from his eyes to his forehead, he pushed the hair out of his face and stared at the clouds above them. He had an idea that his entire face was still red as a beet, but he didn't care anymore. They could sit there and try to fumble around miserably, or he could at least try to mount an attempt. He promised himself no regrets, but if he left this place without telling her... He didn't think he'd regret anything more. A glance to his side revealed Snuffy glaring at him. Fine, he mouthed.
"Nos, I..." He tried again. Rolling his eyes at himself he shook his head and pushed back up into a sitting position. Even after all that, he couldn't find the exact words he wanted to say. He didn't know how to word what he felt, because he never felt like that before. But... But maybe he was making it harder than it was supposed to be. It was the easiest thing in the world for him, a feeling so natural he couldn't imagine life without it. Couldn't imagine life without her. He reached across the gap between them, taking the hand from her face and cupping it in his. "I, uh..." His fingers tightened around hers, refusing to let go of her as he pulled.
Then something gave. A smile flitted into his lips as the words jumped into his head. "I have this secret, do you wanna know what it is?" Gone was all of his hesitance, his fear, his anxiety. He was right, if he'd just stop trying to fight against it, it was the most natural thing in the world. He really should just listen to his heart more often. His other hand came around and gently held the back of her head, pressing her forehead against his.
"I think I might be in love, Nos."
He might as well have stayed sprawled on the ground, because, small or not, that was likely where heâd end up considering the force with which Nostariel knocked into him. It really was a little bit like being an adolescent again, the strange excitement of nascent feelings which really werenât that nascent at all, just very new in the expression. She hugged him around the middle, still smiling like a lackwit, her happiness threatening to overflow her eyes in the form of joyful tears. She wasnât sure sheâd though they were possible, though of course sheâd heard the expression before. âWhat an incredible coincidence.â Nostariel rolled over onto her side, such that they were facing each other on the grass. âBecause⊠I think I might be in love too, Ash.â
And her skepticism be damned, there really were happy tears running down her face. Perhaps she was allowed something like that, after everything theyâd been through over these past few years. Sheâd fallen slowly, somewhere between all the work they both did and the demons, metaphorical and literal, they faced down, both together and apart. She hadnât been looking to, not after the last time. But whether sheâd known at the time or not, sheâd fallen hard, and it was an unmistakable relief to her that she hadnât been falling alone.
âDoes this mean that weâre, ahâŠâ She cleared her throat with lingering awkwardness, but she was still smiling, somehow much less concerned about that part than she had been before. âTogether?â It seemed a bit of a ridiculous formalityâbut then, if she remembered properly, there were a lot of ridiculous things about being in love. One simply ceased to care about how silly it all was. There was too much else to care about instead.
He was knocked backward but he laughed like a twit all the way. There was a certain liberation to be had in finally telling her what he'd known for so long. That he unequivocally, irrevocably loved her without a doubt in his mind. And when she mirrored his words, his smile reached from ear to ear. He felt like he was free falling, and hoped that he'd never stop. The smile spread so wide across his face and so earnest that it actually began to hurt. He saw the tears well up in her eyes, and despite himself he found his own watering as a result. He brushed his thumb across her face, wiping the tears away and pushing the hair out of her eyes. He'd never thought he'd feel like this, he could never have imagined the feeling of pure bliss between them. Once he believed that he didn't deserve it, but damn what he deserved-- he wanted this. More than anything else in the world.
"I really hope so," He chuckled, "else this is going to be incredibly awkward tomorrow." With nothing else to say, Ashton drew in close for another kiss, content that this time they both knew what it meant.