She was seconds away from pressing send so her phone would call Collin. A part of her was doing it simply because she knew it would piss Donnie off and she hoped itād piss him off enough that heād stop thinking that he might love her. It wasnāt that she really wanted to go with Collin, after being with Donnie, sheād never want to go back to Collin. However, Collin deserved her twisted games, Donnie didnāt.
Don grabbed her wrist so roughly, she cried out in pain, which was unusual for her. Her wrist burned as he ripped the cellphone from her grip and didnāt hesitate before tossing it into the water behind her and her law literally dropped. He held her eyes and she quickly collected herself, she tried pulling away but it was no use he was easily ten times stronger than her.
"You don't mean shit to Colin. You'll always mean something to me." he spat, angry as he pulled her closer never once letting his eyes fall away from hers and although she glared at him and pretended he didnāt faze her, he scared the shit out of her. After what sheād seen him do to Collin, she wasnāt entirely sure what he was capable of. "Even when I'm throwing you around and fucking you so roughly, it leaves bruises, you mean something to me Tansy. I'll never kiss you like you're worthless."
He shrugged, finally letting her go and shoving her away harshly, causing her to stumble backwards and she was surprised she hadnāt fallen into the lake. She rubbed her wrist as it throbbed. Why the hell did he have to complicate things? Sure the two of them were a nice thought, theyād honestly be perfect together, heād probably knew her better than Collin, simply because heād been her best guy friend since she was a kid. Sheād told him things she couldnāt tell Candie or Kaleb and she really did love him, she was just too proud to admit she loved or needed him.
"You're wrong, I can have you if I want, all I need is for you to want me back." He shrugged and there was something about the way heād said it the was so completely honest compared to anything else heād ever said. She hadnāt heard anything else heād said sheād just played those words over again in her head. āYou'll still be miserable and broken." his voice finally came through her fogged thoughts again and she was smart enough to put together what he was saying and when she looked up he was getting ready to leave. He turned back to face her and she held his eyes. "Games are for children Tansy and I'm not going to play them, call me when you grow the fuck up and you're ready for something real."
She didnāt know what the fuck was wrong with her. She was completely torn. She wanted to stop him, but everything inside of her was screaming at her to let him go, because he was going to leave eventually anyways. It was constantly an inner battle with herself. Sheād never felt so fucking confused in her entire life and for the first time, someone else was calling the shots. For the first time, Donnie was giving her an ultimatum he wasnāt falling at her feet and rolling over just because he wanted sex from her. She never in her life had someone openly showed her that they loved her, nor had she ever had anyone stand up to her. She was usually the little kid in the candy store throwing a fit until she got what she wanted, but Donnie wasnāt buying it and he sure as hell wasnāt giving her what he wanted.
āI swear to God if you leave me here Iāll never fucking forgive you Tae.ā She said honestly, holding his eyes. She hadnāt even realized sheād started crying and she hated herself for crying for a second time in front of him. āPlease..ā she breathed. āDonāt leave me.ā For the first time in what felt like years her voice was actually desperate and she was genuinely begging him. āIāll do something stupidā¦and I donāt want to go back to him.ā she sighed looking away from him.
She let out a breath whipping her tears. She hated crying, her mother had always told her it made a person look weak and that was why Tansy rarely ever cried. She walked over to him closing the distance between them. āIām sorry.ā She breathed. āBut, you have to understand that I want you Donnie, but the second we get close, Iām going to push you away and I donāt want to hurt you.ā She shrugged fighting back tears.
She didnāt answer right away and he wasnāt even sure she would. It didnāt matter to him thought because he could lay there with her forever if given the chance. He knew it was wrong and he knew that he should be trying to make up with Tansy and end things right with her, but he just couldnāt bring himself to try and fix something that was never there. With Candie there was fire and Passion, with Tansy there was sex. He took another drag off his cigarette, letting the smoke feel his lungs, before blowing out the cloud of smoke above him.
"I don't understand how you can love me so much." she breathed and he sighed, but he didnāt interrupt because he knew there was more coming. "I've done nothing even remotely lovable in the past two months." she shrugged kissing his chest softly and he hated that she couldnāt see what he could. "You're too good to me. You should hate me for being such a slut, not love me. I don't deserve you." she breathed, taking drag off her cigarette as she drew circles with her fingertips on his chest.
He didnāt know how to make her believe that he was the one who didnāt deserve her. It killed him that sheād been so beaten down that she thought she didnāt deserve someone as shitty as him. In all honesty, Candie was the type of girl the deserved the quarterback of the football team, she was the type of girl that should grow up and marry the handsome billionaire and have the perfect family. She wasnāt at all the kind of girl that fucked the loser, with family issues and she certainly wasnāt the kind of girl who had feelings for him.
He was honestly waiting for the day when she realized how much she was actually worth. She was beautiful in every sense of the word and her need to want to be wild and free was contagious. That was what he loved about her. It wasnāt just about the sex with them, they could carry on meaningless conversations for hours and lose track of time, she made him laugh, she made him want to be more and actually do something with his fucked up life. She made him want to live.
He moved her gently and sat up, so they were sitting across from each other, but they were still close enough that he rested his forehead against hers and held her eyes. He wanted her to know that not only was he sober, but what he was about to say was honest and he wasnāt just trying to get her out of her clothes.
āItās not what you do,ā he whispered. āItās who you are that makes me love you Candie.ā He said pressing his lips to hers. āYou donāt think youāre good enough, because people have lied to you for so damn long that you let yourself believe it.ā He tucked her hair behind her ear, resting his forehead to hers again. āYouāre only looking at the bad that everyone is always pointing outā¦ā he trailed off. āStop letting other people tell you who you are. Baby, your fucking incredible, your beautiful, and for some damn reason I canāt get you out of my head.ā He smirked. āWhy canāt that be enough for you?ā