It was incredible how quickly Collin could make her believe something, it was because heād spent so much time destroying her that it was easy to get her right back into that state of mind. He laced his fingers with hers and this time she followed without arguing as he pushed through the crowd of people. Everyone around her looked more like a blur to her though. Another part of Collinās game was keeping her high to the point that she couldnāt think for herself.
Before Tansy knew it Collin was grinding behind her and she was making out with some girl. Collinās hands were all over her and a part of her hoped that Donnie wasnāt around to see how much of a skank she looked like. Sure that was something she used to do all the time, but after spending the last four months with Donnie, something about it just didnāt feel right. She managed to push the other girl away as she started coming down from whatever Collin had given her and she slipped away from Collin quickly, hoping she could find Donnie. There was a part of her that was worries heād hooked up with Nena and sheād completely deserve it if he had.
She hated herself, Donnie was all she could think about and how much sheād hurt him to push him to the point of leaving her with Collin. The more she thought about not waking up next to Donnie the more desperate she became to find him, because she was just realizing for the first time how much she actually needed him and how lost she felt without him. Finally she found him still on the couch with Nena and Lauren only he looked more fucked up then when heād left her and she suddenly wished she was just as fucked up. Lauren stood up in front of Donnie like she was his girlfriend and she was trying to protect him from the sad little slut whoād fallen in love.
āFuck off Tans. I think youāve done enough damage.ā She smirked. āI mean itās not enough for you to play one guy but you have to play two, why is that.ā She spat harshly and Tansy rolled her eyes, moving to push her out of the way only Lauren reacted quicker then she could slapping her in the face which completely shocked Tansy.
āLauren, what the hell?ā Tansy breath, choking back tears. āDonnie?ā she glanced to him wondering why the hell he was still just sitting there like he didnāt know here. āListen Iām sorry.ā She practically begged.
āAww, are you?ā Nena pouted cruelly standing up next Lauren. āWhy donāt you do us all a favor and kill yourself.ā Nena smirked. Tansy couldnāt say she didnāt deserve their harsh treatment, sheād done some pretty awful things to both of them over the years, not to mention how sheād turned on Baylee earlier and honestly their words didnāt even hurt that much because she couldnāt give a shit about either of them, she only wanted to talk to Donnie before Collin caught back up with her.
He wanted to forgive her. He wanted it to be simple, for her to say she was sorry and for them to go home and fuck until they passed out. He wanted to wake up in the morning next to her and everything would just be a bad memory. This time though he couldnāt. It would have been easy for him to forgive her if it would have been anyone else, but her and him and Kaleb, they had history. He knew that deep down somewhere she had to love him, at least he wanted to believe that, but he didnāt honestly know if sheād ever really let the part of her take over completely and he wasnāt going to go in circles with her.
"Don't say that." she finally breathed and the pain and anxiety was so thick in her voice that he wanted to make it go away and tell her heād forget it, because he hated seeing her hurt and it took everything in him "I'm sorry Reed, please don't leave me baby, I can't live without you." she begged and he knew then she was desperate for him to stay. He had to look away because it was killing him to see her like that. She placed a hand on either side of his face forcing him to look at her and he held her eyes this time. "I love you, you know I do, it's not a lie and I know I not deserve you for a second, but I really do need you."
He could tell a lot of things just by looking into Candieās eyes. Heād spent so many years studying her, trying to figure her out, just like the rest of the guys in their group. She wasnāt like other girls, she was a different breed entirely and that why no one could ever figure her out. Heād thought heād won the lottery when heād finally figured her out. The day he was able to read her like an open book was the day he fell in love with her, because he knew there was more to her then just the school slut. Now, in her eyes for the first time ever he could see the desperation and the refusal to acknowledge that they were over.
He also knew that he couldnāt fully blame her for them falling apart. He rarely told her anything anymore. He didnāt exactly lie, but he wasnāt exactly open and willing to talk. He guessed that getting sick and his dangerous addictions had closed him off to her even more and that wasnāt hurt fault. Theyād both really let each other down and heād reached the breaking point before she had. He just couldnāt find it in himself to fix them again, he knew if he let her go heād officially be alone. Her and Tansy would probably patch things up, sheād got back to Kaleb and Kaleb would still hate him. Lauren and Baylee would go back to being Tansy and Candieās sidekicks and heād be alone. But even then he couldnāt really find a reason to say, because although Candie was begging him to stay and even if she really loved him, she still didnāt want to be held down it wasnāt who she was.
āListen Babe, I know you love me.ā He finally breathed, grabbing her wrists and pulling them away from her face. āBut, if itās taken loosing me to realize how much you need me, then maybe loosing me is what you need.ā His tone was calm. Surprisingly even himself, his voice wasnāt bitter or harsh it was more of a matter of fact statement.
He lend in pressing his lips to hers hard, everything about the kiss was electric and made his heart race and the simple fact that he may never feel that way again was frustrating, but he also knew if breaking up was the only way to get through to her then it was what he had to do no matter how badly he wanted to tell her to get in the car and drive her home.
āI love you too Candie, but I donāt think I can forgive you. Iāve given you a million chances babe.ā He breathed against her lips. āIām exhausted.ā He shrugged letting her go before slipping into the car.