Candie hated her house because her mother and Craig were always there, making her life a living hell, but suddenly she just wanted to find Donnie and head home. Actually, it really didn't matter where she went, as long as she was with someone she knew loved her because her heart had just been ripped out. She needed someone to make sure she didn't do something stupid and honestly, as long as she wasn't near Kaleb or Reed, she didn't care where they went.
She pushed through the party for a long time, looking for her brother, knowing he was probably the only person left that would be able to tolerate her. Her knees were weak and she knew if she didn't find Donnie soon, on of two things would happen. Either she'd crumble and fall apart right there in front of everyone. Or she'd get dangerously fucked up and do something reckless and stupid because she was hurt.
Eventually, she managed to find him, but he was standing with Tansy and suddenly she felt sick to her stomach. The day of their group's big fight came into her head and the one moment, where Donnie stepped away from her to stand next to Tansy, a look of disappointment in his eyes, kept playing across her memory until eventually, she leaned against the tree next to her and threw up violently.
Before they could see her, Candie slipped quickly out if sight, not wanting Donnie anymore because, in order to get to him, she'd have to cut into the conversation he was having with Tansy. He'd made it clear before that Tansy was more important than her, she couldn't take that kind of rejection again. Besides, she didn't want Tansy to see the smudged mascara on her face or hear her telling Donnie about Reed. She couldn't stand the fact that all she'd be thinking was that Candie had gotten what she deserved and she'd be right.
She'd thrown away her best friend and her brother for nothing and now she had no one. No one but Kaleb, or Dimitri, or all the other guys that used her but didn't love her. It was her own damn fault too. She had no one to blame but herself for acting like a whore, fucking with people's heads, and taking Reed completely for granted. "Damn Candie, you look like shit. Let me guess, trouble in paradise?" She heard a voice and glanced up.
Kaleb was in front of her, but he wasn't alone. Nena was hanging in his arm and the smirk on his lips was so smug, she couldn't stand it. If she stood there another second, she might get sick again. Without even answering him, Candie slipped her heels off and took off running, away from the party, barefoot through the trees. When she finally made it to the road she stopped to catch her breath before making her way down the street, not really knowing where to go, but knowing, wherever it was, it just had to be away.
Eventually, even though it was pretty far from where the party had been, she found herself outside of her and Reed's apartment building and cursed, tilting her head back to look up at the window of their tiny little room, wondering what Reed was doing up there. Everything inside her was screaming at her to go in and, if not beg him to forgive her, at the very least, pick a fight, and it was tempting. So tempting, that she pulled out the bag of coke Dimitri had given her earlier and snorted what was left of it, intending to march inside and get him back or give him hell trying. In the end though, she just sank to the ground and sat on the curb, dropping her face into her hands with a miserable groan as her phone rang next to her and Kaleb's name came up on the screen.
Donnie could see the tears welling up in her eyes and it killed him because he knew what that meant. It meant she loved him, but she couldn't give him what he wanted. She couldn't give him all of herself. Part of her heart would always be Collin's and that tore him apart. He'd done everything for her, delicately putting her back together all those years. All Collin had ever done was smash her to pieces again every time he turned his back for a second. Yet she still couldn't give him up for him and that hurt like a knife in the gut.
“Babe, you know it’s you. I love you so fucking much, it scares the shit out of me.” She finally breathed and he just shrugged and looked away. He didn't want to hear her say she loved him because he knew what followed. She'd say, "I love you, but..." and that wasn't how it should be. There should be no ands, ifs, or buts. It should just be "I love you. That's it." nothing more. He didn't want to hear the rest, he wanted that to be the end of things, but he knew it was coming, he could hear it in her tone.
“But, no matter how hard I try I can’t change who I am and I can’t change my history with Collin. I’ve tried.” She shook her head and his jaw clenched to hide the way her words hurt. “You knew from the start who I was, everyone warned you. I told you before Donnie, you can’t have me.” She said and he let out a deep breath.
Donnie let the silence hang between them for a long time before finally bringing his eyes back to hers and holding them. "That's bullshit Tansy, you and I both fucking know that." He spat. "You can do anything you want, you wouldn't be you if that wasn't true." He shrugged and held her eyes. "If you wanted to let Colin go, you could, but for some fucking reason, you won't let yourself." He sighed and took a step towards her.
"If you want this," he said, gesturing between them, voice calmer. "Then you can have it, but if you don't want it bad enough to give up him, then I don't want it. Sow some effort for fucks sake. I'm done fighting and making sacrifices for you Tansy. It's up to you now. There can still be an us, but you have to show me that you really love me or it's not worth my fucking time." Donnie said simply before turning and walking away.