Tansy pulled her to her feet and held her tightly as they walked and Candie was glad because she knew she'd have crumbled if she wasn't there. They walked in silence and she sat numbly on Tansy's parent's bed as her friend ran a bath in their master bathroom. It was utterly awful, knowing her and Reed were over and Reed was probably of fucking someone else. She felt like complete shit. Her whole body hurt, every muscle sore from head to toe like she'd been hit by a truck and it felt like someone had taken a knife and carved a hole in her chest where her heart used to be.
Candie was a strong girl, she could survive almost anything and had before, but losing people she loved tore her to pieces. She'd actually let herself fall in love with him, taking a risk for him she hadn't ever taken for anyone, only to end up broken hearted, exactly like she knew she would. The worst part, though, was that it was her own damn fault.
“I’m sorry about me and Donnie.” Tansy breathed, pulling her from her thoughts and she glanced up at her friend in the bathroom. Candie stood with a sigh, grabbing a bottle of liquor and popping it open, taking a long swig as she slipped into the room with Tansy and sat on the floor with her back against the tub, listening to her talk and trying not to think about Reed. “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.” She went on and Candie rolled her eyes. She knew just by Tansy's tone, that was bullshit. She loved Donnie just as much as Candie loved Reed.
“I’m just fucked up you know. I’m not mad at you or Lux.” She said and Candie scoffed and lit herself a cigarette. Candie hardly even had a right to hate Tansy and yet she'd been doing nothing but sitting around being angry at her for the past four months. If anyone had a right to be hateful, it was Tansy. Candie had fucked her boyfriend behind her back for months, stolen him right out from under her, and, to top it all off, had also fucked Kaleb, her brother, countless times.
“I didn’t love him, we weren’t even good together. Not like you two were.” Tansy went on and that made her wince as she took a drag off her cigarette. Were she repeated in her head bitterly, hating the fact that they were over. Besides, they'd loved each other, sure, but they'd always been a total disaster together. “I just wished you would have told me.” Tansy said and Candie sighed, taking another long drink from her bottle, not sure how to answer. She should apologize or something, but she'd never really been good at saying sorry and she really wasn't in the mood to start digging into everything Candie owed Tansy an apology for. Especially not after what had just happened with Reed.
“Candie, I love you. I hope you know that.” Tansy said and Candie sighed, letting it fall silent for a second. Finally, she stood and placed a kiss on the top of Tansy's head before sitting on the edge of the tub, taking another drink from the bottle and another drag from her cigarette.
"I love you too babe." She finally breathed out a breath of smoke, glancing at her friend. "And I love Reed too." She whispered, looking away. "I didn't sleep with him to hurt you, I did it because he was the first guy I'd ever slept with where I didn't wake up feeling used. The only reason I didn't tell you was because I was terrified of losing you, but I didn't want to give him up." She breathed, voice shaking a little, afraid she'd burst into tears. "I guess I just saw how good he was to you after everything that had happened with Collin and wanted some of that." She said with a deep sigh, taking another long drink. "It was selfish and terrible, I know, but whatever I guess." She scoffed bitterly as she looked at the bottle in her lap, picking at the label. "I fucked up and It's over now." She shrugged like it didn't bother her when it was clear that it was tearing her apart.
Donnie just sat with Lauren for a while, her head on his shoulder as they smoked, drank, and watched the dancers. He knew what she was thinking as clearly as though it had been written out on paper and read out loud to him. She was wondering what had happened with him and Tansy. She wanted to know if they were over and, if they were, if she could finally have a chance. Still, even if he knew that's what was going through her mind, Lauren was a considerate girl and she didn't so much as open her mouth to speak, just sat there with him in silence.
He knew it was killing her not to know, because she'd had a thing for him forever and it had only escalated that night he'd found out about Nena and fucked her. It made him feel like shit because she was pretty fragile. She'd been to the hospital for attempting suicide before and he'd led her on and used her like she was nothing and then moved from Nena, right over her, and on to Tansy like she didn't exist.
After a while of the two of them just sitting there, his eyes occasionally catching glimpses of Nena grinding on Kaleb in the crowd, he wrapped an arm around her and she settled her body deeper against his like she was perfectly comfortable there. Like they'd been a couple for years and it was second nature to her, to nestle into his side. "Tansy and I are over." He sighed out a breath of smoke, unable to hide the pain in his voice.
"I'm sorry." She breathed softly as she rested against him and he sighed and held her a little tighter.
"Thanks for trying Lauren, but you're a shitty liar, I know you're not sorry." He shrugged, taking a long hit off his joint as it fell silent between them for a while and she seemed to be thinking.
After a long moment a quiet, she pulled away from him and sat in his lap, straddling him, eyes on his suddenly dead serious. "You're right, I'm not sorry. I'm glad you broke up." She said with a casual shrug as she looked at him and he couldn't bring his eyes away from her. It wasn't typical of Lauren to be so frank and honest. It wasn't that she was a liar, it was just that she was usually softspoken and, even if she didn't believe it, would say anything to comfort you. She was a pushover, very rarely saying what she thought and always trying to make everyone else feel better. She was the kind of girl who'd look you in the eye after you stabbed her and apologize for being in the way of your knife.
"But I am sorry that she hurt you Donnie." She breathed, genuine care in her tone. "I'm sorry you keep falling for girls who are too hooked on someone else they don't even realize how incredible you are and walk all over you." She sighed, eyes flicking towards Nena and Kaleb briefly before back to him. "I'm also sorry that you can't see what's right in front of you, willing to love you better than either if them if you'd just let me." She spat, grabbing his face in both hands and kissing him hard.
Donnie knew he should pull away, but he couldn't. After what had just happened with Tansy, watching the girl he loved walk away from him because she couldn't get over another guy, it felt incredible, the way Lauren was kissing him. She kissed him like he was everything to her. Like he was the air she breathed and he meant so much to her, it killed her to see him in pain. He knew Tansy loved him, but Lauren was kissing him like she wanted to give all of herself to him, something Tansy had just blatantly told him she could never do.
So instead of pushing her off and doing what any decent guy would have done, explaining to her that he was high and hurt and she'd only get hurt once she realized he'd only used her to get over Tansy, he wrapped an arm tight around her waist and flipped her onto her back, kissing her even harder, hating that he was comparing every second of the kiss to Tansy's, but unable to make himself stop. For once he just wanted to feel like he was the only love in someone's life and he knew, without a doubt, he was the only guy to Lauren. Even if he wasn't in love with her, he wouldn't have to "share" her with anyone.