Snippet #2592158

September 8th, 1847

Perhaps it was a bit stupid, but I was rather hoping that my fervent begging to the Headmistress would have been acknowledged and I would have been allowed to room alone. But of course not. That would make my life easy. And on top of that, I am half a school away from the library. I hate the gods.

Maybe it is a bit foolish, but I am actually afraid of people. Rather than run away, I get very acerbic and rude. Perhaps that is why people hate me. It's because of my fear. It's also probably why my Mother is choosing Fred over me.

I've been looking after my mother since I was about 5. I'd find her shoes, keys, hairbrushes, etc. when she lost them. I reminded her of the time so she wouldn't forget to take me to school and go to work. I'd remind her to pay the taxes. In a way, it's a relief she found Fred. I don't know how she would have managed with me away at school without him. Three years ago, Fred came into Mother's life. And he saved us.

I tried my best, I really did, but I was 11. I was supposed to be focusing on not failing Algebra, not taking care of my mother! I taught myself how to pay the taxes, but like I said, math like that was hard when I was 9. We were slowly falling into bankruptcy. Mother works in a bar. That's how she met Fred. He had just caught his fiancée cheating on him. His solution was getting drunk.

I have no idea how things went from there, but a few weeks later and Fred was Mother's new boyfriend. Fred took over paying the taxes, helped Mother, and helped me in school. He became a dad to me. Which is why, at age 14, I was understandably thrilled when on August 3rd I was told Fred had proposed. Which is why I felt understandably betrayed when Fred said he didn't want me.

I'm walking down the stairs trying to get a late-night brownie. During certain times of the month, chocolate is the only thing that stops me from hating the gender I was born with. I am a few steps away from the kitchen door when I hear the voices, arguing. I never hear Fred and Mother fight. Ever. So I eavesdrop.

"You love Iris!" I hear Mother's voice clearly.
"I do." Replies Fred's gravelly voice.
"Then what is wrong with keeping her?"
"Rue-"
"Don't 'Rue' me! You're asking me to hand my daughter over to that man! He doesn't care about her all that much! He regrets marrying me! He regrets Iris being born! Do you think I want her living in that environment?"
"Rue-"
"No! She needs to be in a loving environment-"
"Rue-"
"And if you think I'm going to give up my only daughter, you've got another thing coming-"
"Rue!" Fred finally snaps, and Mother stops.
"What?"
"She's already in that environment."
"What do you mean?" Mother sound genuinely shocked.
"You haven't been taking care of her. She's been taking care of you."
My Mother stays silent.
"When I first met her, I saw it. A burning resentment. You resent her. She traps you to your old husband. She's everything he is, everything you aren't. Responsible, obsessive, over-achieving, bad with people, sarcastic. You resent your daughter, and though she doesn't realize it yet, she resents you. And staples of your previous marriage will make you miserable. I just want us to have a happy life together. Please?" Fred is now begging. Mother is silent.
"He's not going to be happy."
" Your Ex will just have to deal with it." Mother sighs.
"Fine."
"I love you."
"I love you too." And to the sound of a rather heated kiss, I run back up the stairs.

I shake my head slightly to clear the memory, and wipe at the tears forming in my eyes. I'm better off alone. I'll just have to avoid getting to know my roommates. I jet up to the door of my new dorm, trunk in hand. I open the door and am about to walk in when I hear voices. I lean in to listen...