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bella. 
Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM â Jamie's House â Outfit
âģ Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
âģ Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
âģ With: Jamie
Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM â Jamie's House â Outfit
âģ Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
âģ Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
âģ With: Jamie
She listened to him play and found herself unable but to grin in admiration- she still struggled to comprehend how you could just give him a song and he'd pick it up almost instantly- she envied it really, Bella as a person was rather talentless and she'd surrounded herself with musically talented friends and she had to admit, sometimes she did just fall into the trap of jealousy. She sang the words softly and quietly, not really in effort to be heard but it was more subconscious and aimed if at anyone, to herself.
She watched him at the keyboard and how his expression changed, the tension left his face and there was calamity in his eyes and it dawned on Bella that she was practically jealous of how that aging keyboard could temporarily cure his pain and cheer him up in a way which she was convinced she couldn't. She internally scoffed at herself, shaking her head- why was she thinking so much? She really had to be losing her mind if she was going to sit around feeling jealous of a musical instrument. It was just so hard to see him in pain or upset all the time when she wasn't capable of taking that pain away from him, it was starting to dawn on her that she only ever added to it and made things worse for him but selfishly, she couldn't leave him away- she was too attached to not have him by her side and see him everyday.
She watched him at the keyboard and how his expression changed, the tension left his face and there was calamity in his eyes and it dawned on Bella that she was practically jealous of how that aging keyboard could temporarily cure his pain and cheer him up in a way which she was convinced she couldn't. She internally scoffed at herself, shaking her head- why was she thinking so much? She really had to be losing her mind if she was going to sit around feeling jealous of a musical instrument. It was just so hard to see him in pain or upset all the time when she wasn't capable of taking that pain away from him, it was starting to dawn on her that she only ever added to it and made things worse for him but selfishly, she couldn't leave him away- she was too attached to not have him by her side and see him everyday.
"I ponder of something great,
My lungs will fill and then deflate.
They fill with fire,
Exhale desire,
I know it's dire my time today,"
The words poured from between her lips naturally and with an ease people who sang commercially lacked. She didn't sing to be impressive or to improve unlike her friends in the band, she sang because she could- not as well as Celine or Jamie or any other vocalist in the world, just because she could open her mouth and words would come out, she could a hold note and follow a rhythm so why not? It was natural to her and something enjoyable, something therapeutic and calming. Something she didn't need to think about because there was nothing she could change about it anyway.