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bella. 
Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM â Jamie's House â Outfit
âģ Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
âģ Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
âģ With: Jamie
Wednesday 2nd September - 5:18 PM â Jamie's House â Outfit
âģ Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
âģ Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
âģ With: Jamie
She withdrew her hand and buried both hands in her sleeves, it wasn't for a reason as sincere as Jamie's- she just did it out of habit because her jumper had become too big now she'd lost weight over the summer. She looked up at him as she subconsciously knotted her hands in her lap, her warm burgundy tipped fingers interlocking. She nodded softly, looking down and away again. She couldn't lie and try to say she understood why he was so anxious and nervous- they used to hang out like this all the time, ever since they were first friends, it was nothing knew but the moment he spoke about the surreal feeling of it all and how it was slightly weird when it hadn't happened for so long hit her because she could agree that was actually kind of true. She wasn't oblivious to the fact he wasn't giving her the whole series, no body could pull the wool over her eyes for long- she was too quick witted and thoughtful to be caught out like that and she knew Jamie, so it was even easier to pick apart the gaps in his stories when she wasn't receiving the whole truth but she figured there was little she could do about it regardless- if he didn't want to tell her, he wouldn't tell her. there wasn't even a point in trying to change his mind or make him tell her.
"Ok." She replied softly, pulling the same fake grin he did which felt far too easy to mimic for her liking. She brought her hand up to her face and messed with a bit of her hair absentmindedly as they talked- well tried to. She knew they were both stumbling through it but thinking opposite things- she was completely aware of that point but it saddened her to think that their relationship had become so secretive, shaded and tactical. She genuinely cared about him so much, she didn't know how to comprehend it but it was hard when he would only ever let her know so much- small bits and pieces that he always carefully selected. But what could she say?
She was no better.
Smoking, marijuana, alcohol, lack of self esteem, unhealthy lack of eating and her home situation were all things that she lied to him about being frequent and mildly obsessive. She didn't tell him about how humiliating and awful her shifts at work were when the people she had to serve the clubs were never more than sleazy men and women- there was nothing she could say because she'd been pulling the wool over his eyes for just as long as he'd been trying to do the same to her. She didn't tell him that some days, she could easily just get on a train and another come back- so it clicked in her head that she was just as bad, possibly even worse. She swallowed back the urge to sigh and looked up at Jamie and smiled softly.
"Is it me or does it feel like days go really slowly since a few months back?" She was asking the question in a genuine manner of wander. She thought they did- she constantly felt like everything was dragging, like there were chains on her wrists and legs with masses on the end but at the same time, it didn't always feel like a bad thing.
"Ok." She replied softly, pulling the same fake grin he did which felt far too easy to mimic for her liking. She brought her hand up to her face and messed with a bit of her hair absentmindedly as they talked- well tried to. She knew they were both stumbling through it but thinking opposite things- she was completely aware of that point but it saddened her to think that their relationship had become so secretive, shaded and tactical. She genuinely cared about him so much, she didn't know how to comprehend it but it was hard when he would only ever let her know so much- small bits and pieces that he always carefully selected. But what could she say?
She was no better.
Smoking, marijuana, alcohol, lack of self esteem, unhealthy lack of eating and her home situation were all things that she lied to him about being frequent and mildly obsessive. She didn't tell him about how humiliating and awful her shifts at work were when the people she had to serve the clubs were never more than sleazy men and women- there was nothing she could say because she'd been pulling the wool over his eyes for just as long as he'd been trying to do the same to her. She didn't tell him that some days, she could easily just get on a train and another come back- so it clicked in her head that she was just as bad, possibly even worse. She swallowed back the urge to sigh and looked up at Jamie and smiled softly.
"Is it me or does it feel like days go really slowly since a few months back?" She was asking the question in a genuine manner of wander. She thought they did- she constantly felt like everything was dragging, like there were chains on her wrists and legs with masses on the end but at the same time, it didn't always feel like a bad thing.