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bella. 
Wednesday 2nd September - 6:18 PM â Jamie's House â Outfit
âģ Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
âģ Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
âģ With: Jamie
Wednesday 2nd September - 6:18 PM â Jamie's House â Outfit
âģ Mood: Concerned - Quiet - Envious
âģ Listening To: Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
âģ With: Jamie
She smiled softly at him, chuckling at their brief exchange and nodding softly at his joke. As they walked out and as they started to turn to take their own paths she turned and looked at him for a moment. "It was nice to see you Jamie y'know," She told him honestly before making her way down the frost bitten path back home, taking every diversion and opportunity to procrastinate going home as she started her way home, kicking a stone as she went before refusing to look back incase she could still see Jamie and she had to try and swallow her guilt again.
"Are you fucking kidding me? I can't go to school now? I went to see a friend, that's no crime! Jesus Christ, he's the only person in the world who can even pretend to give two shits and I'm not even allowed that anymore?" Her eyes were brimming with tears of sorrow and anger but not a single one manage to fall before the force of a mother's hatred stained her cheek scarlet. Bella didn't mean to cry out but she did and her lip trembled as she tried to hold back any further words, tears or sounds. She bit her tongue till she could feel the skin tearing and she stared at the woman before her. The psychotic bitch who'd created her and she wanted to disappear. She wanted the ground to cave beneath her and swallow her up, she wanted the breath to leave her lungs or for time to freeze just long enough that she could run away and never been again. Her breaths were ragged with panic and suddenly out of no where, the damn broke and the tears were shed. Guided by the grip on her hair, Bella was forced into the kitchen and left to tearfully clean the whole room with less than forty minutes to consider a deadline. Bella swallowed her words and clamped her fists in under her sleeves so her mother wouldn't see how desperately she was clinging onto hope, even though there was none of it to grasp. Left alone at last, Bella let the strings inside her snap and she collapsed against the door holding it shut as she sunk to her knees and finally remembered how to breathe.
"He's gone Bella. He left me," The words hung in the air and lingered but Bella said nothing. The side of her face at the back of her jaw was bruising but her hair covered it more or less as long as she wore it down, the real pain was in her eyes as she looked up at her mother. "It's your fault," The pitch of her voice rose and Bella flinched, cowering away from the noise.
"I didn't mean-"
"Shut up! You've ruined everything. If you'd just come home last night and we wouldn't of had to row in front of him now would we? He took your brother, he's not coming back. You dumb fucking bitch, how could you do this to me? I'm your mother!" Bella didn't look up, she didn't speak until her jaw was forced upwards brutally by skeletal fingers and the pitch black nails were dark enough to scratch the surface of her skin.
"I'm sorry," Bella gasped eventually.
"You will be," She was told shortly before she found her stomach being hit and a sudden ache that overwhelmed her as suddenly as the force of a black hole. She stumbled but caught herself just about on the door frame. "Get out of my sight- and don't your dare show your face for dinner and if I even catch a sight of you outside your bloody room, I'll give you hell kid. Get out- now!" Bella's mother fell apart into tears of fury and Bella hurried upstairs, trying to avoid tears as she scrambled around her room panting in panic as she searched every inch of her room, just desperate to call Jamie and be given some words of comfort. She wanted to be lied to- she'd been left behind to rot by the only people who knew the truth and it was nothing but fact that now all she wanted was someone to pretend it was okay and she could pull through.
She convinced herself that was all she needed and shakily began to dial Jamie's numbers and as the phone began to ring she was still battling for breaths and swiping at the aggressively tumbling tears whilst the other hand gripped her crippled torso.
-
Wednesday 3rd September - 8:47 AM - Home
-
"Are you fucking kidding me? I can't go to school now? I went to see a friend, that's no crime! Jesus Christ, he's the only person in the world who can even pretend to give two shits and I'm not even allowed that anymore?" Her eyes were brimming with tears of sorrow and anger but not a single one manage to fall before the force of a mother's hatred stained her cheek scarlet. Bella didn't mean to cry out but she did and her lip trembled as she tried to hold back any further words, tears or sounds. She bit her tongue till she could feel the skin tearing and she stared at the woman before her. The psychotic bitch who'd created her and she wanted to disappear. She wanted the ground to cave beneath her and swallow her up, she wanted the breath to leave her lungs or for time to freeze just long enough that she could run away and never been again. Her breaths were ragged with panic and suddenly out of no where, the damn broke and the tears were shed. Guided by the grip on her hair, Bella was forced into the kitchen and left to tearfully clean the whole room with less than forty minutes to consider a deadline. Bella swallowed her words and clamped her fists in under her sleeves so her mother wouldn't see how desperately she was clinging onto hope, even though there was none of it to grasp. Left alone at last, Bella let the strings inside her snap and she collapsed against the door holding it shut as she sunk to her knees and finally remembered how to breathe.
-
Wednesday 3rd September - 5:26 PM - Home
-
"He's gone Bella. He left me," The words hung in the air and lingered but Bella said nothing. The side of her face at the back of her jaw was bruising but her hair covered it more or less as long as she wore it down, the real pain was in her eyes as she looked up at her mother. "It's your fault," The pitch of her voice rose and Bella flinched, cowering away from the noise.
"I didn't mean-"
"Shut up! You've ruined everything. If you'd just come home last night and we wouldn't of had to row in front of him now would we? He took your brother, he's not coming back. You dumb fucking bitch, how could you do this to me? I'm your mother!" Bella didn't look up, she didn't speak until her jaw was forced upwards brutally by skeletal fingers and the pitch black nails were dark enough to scratch the surface of her skin.
"I'm sorry," Bella gasped eventually.
"You will be," She was told shortly before she found her stomach being hit and a sudden ache that overwhelmed her as suddenly as the force of a black hole. She stumbled but caught herself just about on the door frame. "Get out of my sight- and don't your dare show your face for dinner and if I even catch a sight of you outside your bloody room, I'll give you hell kid. Get out- now!" Bella's mother fell apart into tears of fury and Bella hurried upstairs, trying to avoid tears as she scrambled around her room panting in panic as she searched every inch of her room, just desperate to call Jamie and be given some words of comfort. She wanted to be lied to- she'd been left behind to rot by the only people who knew the truth and it was nothing but fact that now all she wanted was someone to pretend it was okay and she could pull through.
She convinced herself that was all she needed and shakily began to dial Jamie's numbers and as the phone began to ring she was still battling for breaths and swiping at the aggressively tumbling tears whilst the other hand gripped her crippled torso.