The Hospital

Medwin rolled down a window,or so it seemed when the sharp cold air blew on my face.
"No,Alec.No,listen to me!" I turned to Medwin."Go faster! I don't care what you do,just do it!"
I sank my nails into his skin,hoping the pain would rouse him.I wanted to kiss him,but I was afraid he wouldn't be able to breathe if I did."You can't leave me.You must stay here,with me.I can't...I can't deal with all this.I can't deal with my own self,my nightmares.I wake up screaming and you're the only thing keeping them away.Don't become one of them.I won't say 'I love you'.I'm not saying goodbye."



"Neither am I." The cold air made my wounds sting, but it was better. Easier to stay awake. Easier to keep my mind clear, to stop halting my sentences. Easier to see how terrified Thalia was, and to see her own injuries. "I have no plans to leave just yet." My half hearted laugh turned into a painful cough. "I'm really okay, Thalia. I've survived worse. So have you." I stroked the side of her face, avoiding a particularly nasty gash over her right eyebrow.

I was sitting at my desk, reading over the debate I had prepared for tomorrow. Some moronic motion, but I was still not going to lose. I reread it yet again, looking for weak words or phrases I could replace. I found out last week that Mother got all the results of my debates not just my exams. Thankfully, I won them all but she emailed me a short message telling me that my points weren't high enough, and what to watch out for. It would have been encouraging. Except the last line simply said 'Not pleased that you're only at this level yet. Your sister was much higher at a younger age. Mother.'
I shook my head, and concentrated again on my debate. I had timed it, and made sure there was time for rebuttals. Besides that, if I was under time, I had some extra points on flash cards. I half memorized it, so I would be speaking rather than reading. I had done everything I normally did, but with more effort. I had been revising this ridiculous debate over two hours now. How was I to sound compelling about my opinions on obesity in America? Had it been something on politics on the other hand...

"Go get Clarissa here quickly,I'll carry him out." Medwin said after he had parked clumsily on the road.I hesitated for a moment,looking him up and down. He grimaced."Oh, come on,Thalia!" Frantically,I got out of the car and looked at the name tags and the assigned rooms. It wasn't too hard to find hers. As I ran through the corridors, bumped into people and murmured apologies, everything was blurred. I realised how I must had looked; bloody and bruised, running in a dorm. I almost missed her door and when I stopped,I just struck it open, breathing quickly. I had never been more relieved to see someone. She looked so concentrated and collected,bent above her desk.
"C-Clarissa!" I shouted."Clarissa...please." I tried to catch my breath,but the floor was collapsing beneath my feet.I supported myself against a wall."Alec...Alec's hurt.He asked to be brought here.He...Help him." I realised I was bleeding too.The cuts couldn't be too deep,but even if they were,it would be but a mere triviality at this point.

I checked my watch. Nearly two in the morning. Five more minutes, I told myself sternly. Then you may sleep. I turned my head back to my paper. But then my door banged open, and I turned around clumsily in my chair and half stood, a frozen scream on my lips.

It took me a moment to realize who it was. Thalia, a huge gash in her forehead, looking like she was going to pass out was in my doorway. "C-Clarissa!" Her cry was hoarse."Clarissa...please." I stared at her, amazed and horrified. "Alec...Alec's hurt.He asked to be brought here.He...Help him." I finally untangled myself the the chair's legs, and approached her, my hands outstretched. She was leaning against the wall, and she seriously looked as if she would faint. Shock.

"Thalia.." I said softly. The words were processing slowly in my head, still getting over her sudden appearance. But when I did understand, a calmness came over me. My summer medical courses served me well in dealing with panic. "Thalia, you're hurt as well." I slung her arm around my neck and slipped my arm around her waist. "Can you lie down before you tell me more?" I looked around. On my bed were a couple pillows. I'd use those to levitate her legs, not her head. I helped her to the bed, expecting resistance. Thalia took a bullet for Alec - if he had so much as a papercut, I doubted she'd let me take care of her.

I squirmed,trying to stand,push her away.Why wasn't she trying to find /him/? It was the shock, the agony that would kill me not a drop of more blood."Clarissa." I said, as stable as I could. "Medwin's bringing Alec here.He's wounded." I stopped as black dots filled my eyes when I tried to rise.I wanted to yell at her,wake her up.She was just staring at me,and he was dying.I knew he was.His eyes...if he closed his eyes..."Find him and do what you must!" I pleaded, my voice strained and hoarse.Terrified,because I was drifting away as well.I couldn't faint, not now.Not before I knew he was safe.I should have never told him,I should have never let him find out.And his voice when he thought Gareth was gone...he was so happy to think he kept me safe, so content that..."Please." I begged."Quickly."

"Well," I said stubbornly. "He's not here yet. Lay down." I thought for a moment before I spoke my next words. "If I have to worry about the both of you, there's less chance I'll be able to help him. So if you truly want him to be healed, lay yourself down and stop distracting me." Hurting her mentally wouldn't do any good, but it was all I could think of to get her to stay down. Threaten her with Alec's safety. I slipped the pillows under her feet. "I'm going to get my kit - stay here - and don't you dare close your eyes." I went to my bathroom and turned the hot water on. It would take a little while to warm up. Then, using my chair, I reached up to the top of my bookcase and brought down my first aid kit. When I first bought it, I thought it was a waste of money, even though I needed it for the course I was taking. There seemed to be too much. But now I was afraid there wasn't enough. I returned to the main room with a bowl of warm water and a cloth ready.

I had left the door open and I heard someone walking walking heavily up the hall. I put the water down before Thalia told me to, and hurried outside. My stomach dropped. It was Medwin, but I barely noticed him. "Oh, Alec," I breathed. My hand rose to cover my mouth as Medwin neared the door. Alec looked terrible. One arm was in an awkward angle, but that paled in comparison with all the blood and bruises on his face. I forced my hand down and steeled myself. The blood is most likely from shallow cuts, I told myself firmly. Quickly, I looked Medwin over. He seemed to be bloodstained but fine. Alec, on the other hand, was completely limp, and his eyes were closed.

I motioned quickly for Medwin to enter and then closed my door firmly with the lock. "Lay him down on the other side of the bed." I told him, grabbing a hair tie. Alec was a dumbass to ask for me, but I assumed he had a good reason. But later, he could screw his good reasons. I wasn't going to put a cast on that arm, for fear I'd permanently screw it up even if I had the supplies or the knowledge.

"First things first; Medwin, I want you to wash Thalia's face and arms, while she lays down. That way, I'll know what her injuries are." I moved to Alec's side. "I'll take care of him in the meantime." I said softly. I started talking louder now. "Alec. Alec, you idiot, what have you done now?" I splashed some water onto his face. "Alexander Evans! You wake up now." Watery bead of blood rolled down his face onto the sheets and his face remained as impassive as before. I paused and turned to Thalia. "You talk to him while I splash water in his face. That'll work."

Alec's eyes fluttered open and he looked around, disorientated. I sighed in relief and threw down my wet, blood stained cloth onto his chest. "Give me a moment, guys." I said, standing up. "I need to make a phone call."
"What, now?" Thalia looked incredulous. Her hand was on Alec's shoulder but he hasn't responded yet, almost like he was decidedly looking away.
"Yes, now." I said, trying to keep myself from snapping like they said in the books. Even if she wasn't in shock, I didn't blame her for questioning me. Except that I knew what I was doing. I dialed the number quickly, my fingers barely trembling although my legs felt like they would collapse under my weight any moment. Five rings later, I was ready to punch the wall. I thought he wasn't going to answer, just when he did.
"Clarissa Carter?" He sounded half-asleep.
"Yeah, it's me. I need you to help me. I know it's late, I just.." I lowered my voce, turning away from my company. "I'm out of my depth here. I need medical assistance."
"That's what a hospital is for." he said in an irritated voice. In the background,
I heard his bed creak. "I'm on my way. Dorm number 13, right?"
"That's it."
"I'll be the in ten minutes. it better be worth it."
"Tha--" He hung up before I could finish my thanks. I resolved not to thank him again later. I turned back to the others. An awkward scene awaited me. Medwin was watching Thalia, Thalia was watching Alec, and Alec was ignoring them both resolutely. I put the phone down and walked to Alec's side. "My first aid leader is coming. His name is Jack. He's a doctor and he doesn't say much, so there's no need to worry that your.. Secrecy is compromised. I have more confidence in his abilities than mine." 
"Clarissa Carter, admitting she's not the best.. I think I hit my head too hard.." Alec half murmured, half giggled. I glared at him and picked up a pair of scissors. Happily, I noted that it was even a nice shirt that I was ruining. Teach him right to he an ass. 
"Medwin, throw out the dirt water from your bowl, pour in more and add a little medical alcohol." I grimaced at Thalia. "It'll sting a little, but it's necessary. Plus.. Medwin, help her out of her clothes and under the pillow there's a night gown. That'll be better to treat her wounds, they need air. And no time to be awkward about it either."
"Don't worry, Clarissa, he'd love to." Alec's voice, although faint, was distinctly nasty. Biting my tongue, I simply added more alcohol to my own water bowl.

"Clarissa,will Jack be here on time?" I asked nervously, slightly nudging Medwin away. "Alec's lost so much blood and..I...his arm. I'm surprised he can still talk."
Medwin pushed me back down forcefully. "You won't be able to talk either unless you let her help you. Take your shirt off." I stretched out my arm beneath the sheets and tried to unbutton the bloodstained shirt but my fingers were trembling too much and my grip wasn't steady. Medwin released a half-exasperated half-relieved sigh and brought his hands to my clothes, shooing mine away. With great care, he slowly let each single button loose, then proceeded to unzip my jeans and pull them gently, leaving me naked, shaking and vulnerable. I looked away, not at Alec, not at Medwin. I was not one to be ashamed of nakedness, but not while under Alec's gaze,him knowing Medwin's feelings towards me. The latter brushed my hair aside and laid me back, fiddling under the pillow before he materialised a nightgown.
"Raise your arms." he said in a trembling voice, his eyes still locked on me.
I nodded hastily and did as I were bid, while he slipped it over my head.

"Wow, so quick? I would have thought you would have wasted as much time as possible." Alec's voice was getting clearer every moment. The pain of the stinging alcohol seemed to revive him. That, or jealousy. But he was doing his best not to show it. For the first time he had turned his head to look at them, eyebrows raised at Medwin comically, as if he were laughing at him. Yet I saw no humor in his eyes. And he still didn't look at her, his cruel smile aimed at Medwin.
"He'll be here soon, Thalia." I interrupted quietly. "He's not one for being late, and he lives near." I didn't feel like saying anything about Alec's words without knowing the context of all this, but all I knew was that those words would hurt Thalia's feelings worse than Medwin's. Looking at her, her eyes averted and cheeks red, I wanted to take her away from both the boys. But it was impractical. I liked Alec's girlfriend. It was a while since I liked someone I didn't know well. I hoped whatever had happened could be forgiven or forgotten. There was silence for a couple minutes, broken only by the sound of Medwin and I dipping our blood and dirt saturated cloths into the water bowls. I couldn't have been more relieved when I hear a soft, authoritative knock on my door. I rushed to let Jack in.
"Okay, so I haven't asked any questions either, but..." I said to him, looking at his expressionless face with anxiety, wringing my hands.
"Clarissa Carter, what ever have you gotten yourself into?" He sighed. He dropped a briefcase onto my desk. "I'll start with him."
"No, start with her." Alec spoke of Thalia like she was no one. "She needs to go."
My eyes immediately flickered to her. I didn't know why he was being so.. Mean. "He's more severely injured, Doctor." I was on Thalia's side.. Assuming she wanted to stay.
Alec pressed himself against the bed and glared at me, not looking at all in pain. "Get her over and done with."
"Alec!" I couldn't help exclaim in anger. I paused and then continued to speak. "Might as well do as he wants. Or else he'll injure himself more."
Jack shrugged. I hadn't expected him to go crazy, but I had assumed he would ask doctory stuff, like if it was domestic abuse or a mugging or what not.

"Alec!" I protested ridiculously."I am /not/ going anywhere." I had no clue why he was behaving in this way. As if he hated me,even. I turned to Medwin for help but he just shrugged and moved away to let the doctor pass."He needs help faster than I do." I said weakly, but once again, Medwin pushed me down and went to empty the bowl filled with bloody water. "I'm fine, dammit."
Medwin glanced at Clarissa and then at Alec suggestively. I could tell he wanted an explanation but I wasn't going to give him one, especially not with Jack around. I bit my lips as he worked his way, treating my wounds and my eyes watered when he cleaned them with rubbing alcohol. Nevertheless, I stared at Alec stubbornly, trying to figure out what was causing him to act in that peculiar way. Well,apart from nearly dying for my sake,that is.

Within minutes, Thalia was bandaged up and Jack had given her some medicine for the pain. I was his assistant, yet he didn't really seem to need me. Irrationally, I was irritated that he only needed me to hand him supplies or change the bowl. Somehow, in the middle of it, I was holding Thalia's hand. When I realized it, I nearly dropped it right away. But then I thought, and I knew it was what a nurse was supposed to do. I squeezed her hand during the worst wounds, and the sensation was strange.
All the while, Alec was watching Jack sharply. I saw him open his mouth and close it several times, during the most painful parts of the doctors administration. Yet he never did speak.
"Done." Jack said, sitting back. "You'll need to rest for at least two days, miss. Clarissa will give you my number and in half a week, I'll be expecting a call to arrange a check up. It's mostly the bruises that will pain you, but the open wounds are what worry me." He looked at me and then to Medwin. "And someone will need to help her change her bandages every day."
"Blah, blah, blah." Alec said. Jack turned to him slowly, and I knew immediately that Jack didn't like him. It was in the shape of his eyes. "I just mean to say that she go home now."
"I was going to let her stay here tonight, Alec." I said through gritted teeth.
"Oh no. I am. I'm not going anywhere with this arm."
"Sadly for you, Clarissa, he's right."
I folded my arms. "Fine then!"
"So they can go now." Alec said, lying back on the bed and closing his eyes. "Good." There was another momentary silence. I hated this Alec. This was the Alec that first emerged after his mom died.
"Medwin...?" I beseeched, defeated.

"Come on,Thalia. I'll take you home." Medwin said, helping me stand up,careful not to touch me anywhere it might have hurt.
I stared at Alec incredulously. I knew I had put him through hell. But I had expected he'd want me to stay by his side and the realisation stung.
I stumbled towards him detaching myself from Medwin. I had to look at him, make sure he wasn't acting this way because of something unrealistic, like blaming himself for what had happened between me and Gareth. I leant down, supporting myself against the bedpost but he would not look at me. I whispered his name reaching to brush my hand against his skin, but something in his expression made me change my mind. Medwin slipped next to me and gently shooed me away, his arm around my waist.
"Wait." I told him, resigned. I turned to Clarissa. I wanted to thank her,but the words were dried in my throat, as if it were sandpaper.
"Call me if he needs anything.I..I'll have someone bring it here." I managed to say before a lump arose in my mouth, rendering me unable to utter another word without the possibility of me bursting down in tears.
Medwin closed the door behind us. I told myself to keep walking.Step by step. I had some excuses to make.

"I can't help him here. We need to bring him back to my office. I have the things there. Do a basic sling while I pack up." Clarissa complied with Jack's request immediately and within a quarter of an hour, they were at Jack's office. Jack continued to be quick and efficient at his job, but it still took an hour. Clarissa helped Alec back into the car, but before she got in herself, Jack stopped herewith a hand on her arm. "I may be your friend, Clarissa, but I can't be doing these sort of favors for my friends or I'd be out of business--"
"Send your bill to my dorm tomorrow. I understand that you came immediately, in the middle of the night and used a large amount of your supplies. Please, let your fee be more than fair."
He simply nodded and she slipped back into the car.
The drive home was chilly, but Alec barely noticed. He was gazing out if the windows, watching the dim street lights flash by. Clarissa glanced at him occasionally, her expression too obscure for him to read if he had seen it. Far too quickly in his opinion, they arrived home. He knew what was coming now. She had the courtesy to wait until she had helped him in and he was changed before she spoke.
"Now.. I think I deserve to know what happened, Alec." She was pressed against the wall, her hands hidden behind her back. "I want to know everything." Her voice was gentle but unyielding. The voice of a great lawyer-to-be.
He didn't respond right away, but continued staring up at the ceiling. She moved to the other side of the room, as if pacing, but she stopped at her desk, fingers splayed against the wood. "You were mean, Alec." She said. He could tell she wasn't just being vicious, she wasn't just trying to get the latest gossip. But he wasn't sure what it was that she wanted. "I don't know what happened, but I sure as hell don't think it was her fault. You wouldn't have punished her like that, even if it was. I bet she'd deal with the consequences of going to a hospital if it was her fault. She wouldn't rely on the amateur talents of a stranger to take care of your wounds."
Alec close his eyes and groaned. "What do you know, Carter?" 
"Nothing, that's why you're about to tell me exactly what lead you to my room this evening, and not a hospital."
He looked over at her. Her arms are folded and she was staring at him expectantly. "Does it have to be now?"
All of a sudden, Clarissa slammed her hands down on the table, her calm facade shattering in a millisecond. "Dammit, Alec, it has to be now. When you came to me four hours ago, I didn't ask you if it could wait. Now it's your turn to humor me."
Alec raised his eyebrows at her. "Fine, then! Well... Lately Thalia has been deteroriorating. Eating less. Sleeping less. Exhausting herself by working at the docks near my house, we didn't even need the money.." He continued to explain the past two weeks to her, skirting certain things. Like exactly what Gareth was guilty of. What had happened before, with Kyle. Clarissa was a good listener. She didn't interrupt him with questions and she didn't twist her face up at the hard parts. Finally, when he finished, they stayed silent for five minutes, both reflecting on what had happened.
"So wait.. She knew what you were going to do? How? Did you talk about beating him up before you did so?" Clarissa asked, breaking the silence.
"No.." He looked down, shamefaced. "Gareth... Wasn't the first." He knew he wasn't going to hide it from her. She was going to get it out of him one way or another. 
Clarissa tilted her head up to the ceiling as is she was looking patience. She rubbed her forehead before continuing. "Alec, I thought you were over the whole.. You know. Macho guy thing."
"I was.. Until..."
"Spit it out."
Again, Alec recounted what had happened. 
"So you're telling me," Clarissa said, anger simmering in her voice. "That Thalia explicitly asked you NEVER to do that again. And you did."
"I-"
"Did it ever occur to you that she began going downhill after you beat her ex up, and not after he attacked her?"
"Well-"
"And you DARED treat her like that in front of a stranger, me and the boy that saved you both? You absolute piece of shit, Alec." Alec didn't think it was possible for her to express any more disgust.
".....I deserve that."
"Oh, no! Ooooh no, Alec. You are not going to sit there and mope over your unworthiness. What the hell were you thinking?"
"I did it for her." He said quitely. 
"Are you only lying to me, or are you lying to the both of us?"
"No, I did! She needed to be protected. He needed to be punished. I wanted her to know it would never happen again."
"And is that what you did? From what I know, the only way she likes your arms protecting her, is when they were around her. Not beating up her enemies. She wanted you to spend your time with her, not devising a plan to make her stepdad pay. Instead, she took another bullet for you. Had her friend not come, you'd be dead, and she would be.. Far worse." 
Alec choked on a pent up sob. Clarissa looked away, until he was able to swallow it down and speak up. "Oh, God, I know. That's why I could barely look at her. I can't deal with her concern when I know what I just did to her. I just.. And to be grateful to him." Alec's voice changed from pathetic to hateful. "He--"
"Has the hots for your girlfriend. I saw. But he was respectful, even with your taunts. And you know what? You're not entitled to hate him. He saved your life, and if that's not good enough, he saved Thalia's...essence. You need to swallow your swollen ego, and thank him. And you've got to go on your bruised knees and beg for forgiveness from Thalia before she turns to the nearest pair of loving arms."
"Maybe that's better." There was less self pity in his voce now, and more despair. As if with those words, he was offering to rip out his heart.
"Alec.." Clarissa climbed onto the bed next to him. She curled up next to his good side and he wrapped the arm without a cast around her. The was nothing romantic about it. But both of them relaxed into each others' side. "You don't deserve her. There's no guy on this earth who deserves her. Her loyalty and forgiveness are almost limitless, as you've displayed well enough. But, you're one of the closest guys at she could ever find. You've screwed up an exceptional amount, but you can make it up to her. You know you can. Just don't test her to the limit."
Alec's thumb rubbed Clarissa's arm, but she could tell the touch was more to comfort him, not her. "I don't know where to begin."
"You begin by saying what you feel. Tell her you are the most messed up guy in existence, and that you were selfish in your anger and hatred. That your recent actions don't match the love at you have for her, and that you'll try show her all over again how much she means to you."
"Maybe.. I could sing a song."
Clarissa sat up quickly and looked at him incredulously. "Are you kidding me?"
"What? She said she likes it when I sing."
"That's the coward's way out. No, be a man." She lay down and settled next to him again. "Use your words. No song can convey how much of a loser you are."
Alec smiled into the darkness. "And how are you? How are things?"
"Ugh.. Good. I guess. I got responses from the colleges I applied for."
"Aaaaaand??" He asked excitedly.
"Yale would be happy to have me. So would Harvard, but you know, we're a Yale family."
"That's.... That's amazing, Clarissa!! When did this happen?" 
"Today, actually. They're on my desk. The letters, that is."
"What did your family say?"
"I haven't told anyone yet. Just you."
"You don't sound so happy."
"I am! I really am, I just..." She closed her eyes. I haven't even spoken to Alex about college. He won't be going to Yale. He's smart enough, but it wouldn't interest him. Besides, it's above his budget. And.. I can't imagine it. Going separate ways. He's such...a stable part of my life. He makes me happy just by thinking of him, but I need him here, everyday, and I need his arms. They only way I see us staying together is at the intervention of our parents, and that's the worst possible outcome. He would hate it, and so would I, and it might rip us apart. I don't know what option is worse. "I've had a long day. It hasn't sunk in yet."
Alec kissed her forehead. "Lets sleep. Tomorrow, we'll celebrate."