Okie's Story

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Not trusting his voice, knowing it would simply betray him again, the redhead merely nodded, clenching his teeth together. He's already 'slipped' so much in front of her, full-on crying like a baby just wasn't in his memo for tonight. Though, her reassuring, motherly nature helped soothe his frazzled nerves.

Shutting his eye, he reached up to rub at his face, feeling the burning red that streaked across his features. Despite everything they've exchanged tonight, he inwardly noted he didn't regret it. Almost as if they both got something off their chest. Well, probably Okie more so than him, but really. Crying? No matter how much he may deny it later, he felt embarrassed. Tearing up in front of a girl, nonetheless? That was icing on the sour-as-hell cake. "Sorry," he muttered bitterly, more or less apologizing to himself for being such an emotional twerp.

But. Since she was here, with him, giving her all she could, he would happily take it. This was love, right? A family love. That special bond. Something he was never able to get accustomed to. Wrapping his arms around her neck, he gently pulled her down against him, easily letting out a relieved breath. Tired of losing people. Tired of being alone.

"...No...no need to apologize." The redhead didn't mind him at all. Oh, no. She'd always be there for him. A shoulder to cry on. A person to come to when having difficulties on life. Okie was a person that was happy to help anyone with their situations. Rather it be bad or good, she would be listening.

Sneaking a hand down, she gave a petty reassuring pat on the small of his back, resting her head on his chest. Someone to hold like this felt good.
Leaning up the slightest, she got closer to his ear and muttered. "It's okay...'m here..."

It was very understandable why Lavi should be this way. Okie knew it was hard for him. She knew he needed to be comforted and held. Sure, it might've been a little awkward, considering they were together once. Personally, the smaller redhead didn't mind at all. She would always love him.

Remaining silent, the male simply stared dead ahead, questioning his existence at the moment. As terribly cliche as his teenage angst was, he couldn't actually bring himself to give a damn. All he knew was that his chest hurt; his very insides were unraveling right along with his emotions, getting tangled and knotted up with his thoughts. The one factor he couldn't seem to process at the moment was why. With all Lavi's put Okie through, here she was, easily welcoming him into her arms. Why? Didn't he specifically say that she could get hurt staying around him? And yet, it's almost as if their situation never changed, even if it is ultimately, completely different.

"I know..." Lavi answered finally, hiding his face in the crook of her neck. Another wave of tension rolled out of him, and the redhead breathed deeply, the slightest hint of a smile on his lips. Familiarity was one thing, but nostalgia was another, and the warm flush it brought to his cheeks only seemed to broaden his smile. "Thanks, cupcake."

Only a small part of his sunnier nature returned, the rest of his goofy self still attempting to claw its way out of his desolate slump. All in all, he felt better. Talking to Okie so...openly, in a way, brushed off the deceit and guard he nearly always dusted himself with. No masks this time. Just Lavi.

"As tired as I'll ever be," he admitted dryly, already itching to sit back up. Of course he loved the comfort she provided, he had absolutely no problem with that. But with his mind flitting to other various activities, Lavi figured it was best to eliminate the source of the problem. Untangling his arms from around her small frame, the redhead made a halfhearted effort to gently nudge the girl off of him, not particularly fond of the idea of embracing the cold once more. "Y'know, kiddo..."

Searching for the words that best described his thoughts at the moment, Lavi shifted his head to face her in an attempt to make eye contact. Though he was sure he still looked pretty desperate and flustered, his lone stare lingered on her eyes for only a moment.
Then her nose.
Her lips.

A small curvature of a smile was there, Lavi just knew there was, yet for the life of him he still couldn't discern why. How could she still be smiling? How was she able to be so completely forgiving? A tiny hope poked through his thoughts, but as soon as he registered its meaning, Lavi instantly buried it again. All in all, she should hate him, right? There couldn't be any plausible explanation as to why she would still love him. None at all.

Drowning in his logic-based reasoning once again, Lavi hadn't realized minutes had passed by, and he was still blatantly staring at her, the slightest edge of a frown etched into his features.

His hesitant smile nearly faltered with her question. "No... Just remembering how it used to be, you know? The good ol' days. Innocent—well, maybe not that innocent—memories flittin' by..." It was painful having to push her away, but drawing her close again would just be a mistake, wouldn't it? A Bookman had no need for a companion. Nor a heart, really. Shoving away any lingering emotions that the other redhead brought would be the best solution, would it not?

If it truly was...why would he question himself about it?

"Ne— Okie— can I ask ya something personal? I mean...I'm pretty damn aware we've been breakin' barriers all night here, but, I think it's best to get your permission for this first..." As if to reassure her it wasn't anything too serious, Lavi draped his arm around her middle again, lips quirking up into an uncharacteristically shy smile. "It's totally alright if you don't want to answer, 'cause I know I'm buggin' ya with all these strange questions. I get it... I just can't help it, you know? 'Tis nice to have a...human opinion once in a while. Not like I can really talk to Gramps about this, I mean."

A soft sigh escaped him as he snuggled close again, bumping noses with the probably very-tired-and-vaguely-annoyed-at-him girl. He stared lazily ahead at her baby-doll face, worn out and mentally exhausted. "Heh. I'm worse than a girl, huh? Havin' all these emotional issues, haha... I'm sorry, Okie."



[ this is late, kill me now </3 ]

Drawing in another silent breath, careful to keep his gaze locked on one of her many curls, Lavi bit into his lower lip. It wasn't exactly an easy question to ask in accordance with their current relationship, but he figured it would be worth the risk. Hopefully. "...Well," he paused, wincing at the vulnerability that enveloped his normally loud and confident voice. Shifting a bit so his embrace became loose and friendly, Lavi tucked himself into the crook of her neck, involuntarily inhaling her familiar scent with a soft smile. He began again. "It's been bugging me. Since we split... No, even earlier than that. But, after the games transitioned into something more serious."

Clearing his throat of any more indecision and erasing his second thoughts, the redhead kept his face hidden, voice wavering with each word that tumbled out. "You...loved me, right? I mean... I'm not trying to question it or anything, but, it's just—" The Bookman apprentice growled his obvious frustration, struggling with expressing himself clearly. For once. "It's just that I can't understand why. Or how."

Composed enough to meet her eyes once more, Lavi pulled himself up, leaning away only the slightest bit. "Sorry for not making much sense." As a mild afterthought, he added in a low whisper, "I just don't know what 'love' is." All he really knew at the moment was that he wanted to be blatantly honest with this girl in front of him, the act of deceit just didn't feel right anymore. Where 'Lavi' began and where 'he' ended became undoubtedly lost along the way; he didn't know when this mask became him. He's not supposed to 'feel' anything at all.

Lavi listened intently and hung onto every word, his eye glazing over with confusion and contemplation. It's not that he didn't understand what Okie was trying to explain to him, it was just that he couldn't grasp the concept of it. Raised on logic and facts, reasoning and analyzing, going with what 'felt' right was foreign to the abnormally quiet redhead. He would drive himself insane trying to wrap his over-thinking mind around the fact that, damn, he was screwed. Lavi cared too much. A failure of a Bookman.

His body went rigid with those four words.

'I still love you.'

Anything else that she may have mumbled out to him was lost on his ears. She still loved him? Why? How— "You can't." He blinked at his own words, as if he wasn't even aware he had spoken them. Okie couldn't what? No... He wasn't talking to her. Not bothering to break away from her hold she had over him—both literally and figuratively—Lavi felt himself sink with exhaustion. Love was too fucking confusing, in his personal opinion. The heart ache and distraction it encouraged was just too damn dangerous; it wasn't worth it. A Bookman...

'...doesn't form any sort of attachment, Lavi. Don't be stupid. It's nothing more than an inconvenience.'

God, he wanted to cry. To say it wasn't fair would be childish of him; he signed up for this life, didn't he? He wanted to know what no one else knew, to record the hidden history of the world, to travel extensively, to have an immunity within war... "I think I still love you, too."

Or he could just throw it all out the window.

Of all the things Lavi was expecting in response to his unsure confession—from a stinging slap to a kick in the family jewels—he didn't expect a nostalgic peck on the cheek. Too stunned to register her words that soon followed after the bittersweet gesture, he slightly parted his lips in protest, about to reprimand her for being too damn forgiving. The apprentice Bookman convinced himself many times before that he didn't deserve any sort of charity; he had brought every bad thing that had ever happened to him upon himself. The soft lips that quickly covered his own shut him up in an instant.

Lavi froze with guilt. His mind fumbled with accepting the verifiable truth that yes, this was reality, and yes, Okie was most definitely kissing him at the moment. A muffled sound of discomfort made itself known, even though the action itself was far from uncomfortable. It certainly 'felt' good, of course; it was just his racing thoughts that—ironically—haven't caught up yet, despite the fact they were going a mile a minute.

Hesitant hands traveled to the smaller redhead's shoulders, set on pushing her away, but instead, drew her flush against him. Inwardly cursing his uncooperative, teenage body, Lavi hadn't realized that he had whined desperately into the kiss, deepening it without a second thought. Hormones—another inconvenience, right? They certainly hindered his control, damaged his self-restraint... Lavi had a terribly anxious, yet not unwelcome, feeling that he would definitely not be going home tonight.

So caught up in trying to revive what he thought they had lost, Lavi nearly missed her words, focused on her unexpected, disappearing warmth. An apology? For what? If she was trying to express regret here, the apprentice Bookman wasn't sure how to respond. Of course, he may have easily mistaken her 'friendly' gesture for something else. It's not her fault that he misread her intention.

"Oh." The single syllable resonated dully against the sudden tension the redhead felt. Twisted, iced guilt snaked up his spine, intertwining itself with bitter irritation. Not at Okie, of course, but more so at himself. To think it would be that easy, falling in 'love' without consequences of any sort—what a naive mindset.

Retracting his—suddenly, oh so very heavy—arms from around the level-headed girl, Lavi nodded once in her direction, and pushed himself up. As comfortable as the bed was, Lavi, now, wasn't. Burdening this poor girl with his weird emotional issues and mild identity crisis wasn't fair to her. She had better things to do, and better people to worry about. How could he stitch himself into her life when he would eventually have to rip himself away and disappear, living as someone else?

"...Sorry. For...you know. Assuming. Getting ahead of myself."