Uncle Grandpa's Story

EVERYBODY! THE RACE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN SHORTLY. BE THERE AT THE STARTING LINE OR DON'T COME AT ALL. THAT IS ALL.

"Oh mama mia! I better get-a-going!" Luigi hops on his Bolt Buggy, "All-a-systems are go. Everything is peachy keen... ho ho~ I think it will run like a glove."

"I'm not sure if you'll be able to win this race, Luigi." Starlow said, "But I hope that you can do your best."

"Wish me luck Starlow!"

Luigi drives his Bolt Buggy to the starting line. Racer S finished maintaing her motorbike and drives it over to the starting line. She looks at Luigi and nods at her, wishing him good luck. Meanwhile, Moxxi and Ghost begin their broadcast on live TV. The camera crew position themselves to record the broadcasters, the racers, and the entire race track.

"Hello, people of Unita. Welcome to the first annual Moxxxi Grand Prix. I'm your host, Mad Moxxi, and joining me today is my co-host, the man they call Ghost."

"Goooooooooood day to you everybody! Hah ha ha ha haaa~ WOOO! You know, I have to admit, you put up a lot of effort into making this the biggest show on the planet."

"Biggest show in the galaxy actually. I'm calling it a space race."

"Fair enough. Now before we begin, I would like you all to check out the racers. And boy oh boy, they sure are looking pretty good, am I right Engineer?"

"DUUURUURUDAHHHH!!!" exclaimed the Engineer.

"Let's have a little.. role call, shall we?" Moxxi smiled.

"Right. Let's list the racers in the roster..." Ghost begins to describe the racers.

Luigi - "This humble little green man is named Luigi, which some people call him the "brother who is overlooked by so many." He wanted to prove that he can do better than his older brother. His vehicle for his choice is the Bolt Buggy, which... to be honest, I don't like it..." ~ Moxxi

Racer S - "Here we have is a young anonymous racer who owns a motorcycle as a vehicle of her choice. Suppose that bike is faster than the other racers, but if there a racer who is faster than her, she is fucked for sure." ~ Ghost.

Sockie - "This wooly little man is Sockie and his vehicle of choice is... a train. He described it as the Sock Train, one of the deadliest vehicles ever made. And I.. have no idea what that sockonian is doing. He is the current ruler of Sockonia- shouldn't he get back to work instead of having fun? Immature little--" ~ Moxxi

Wario - "Oooooh yeah! I know that guy who's makin' money out of video games. That there is Wario and his best bike ever. But as far as I'm concerned, he's got a whole lot of arsenal in his hands. Better avoid while you can! His bike can run you over." ~ Ghost

Pit - "Here we have a winged guardian named Pit and his vehicle of choice is his chariot. His chariot can run up to two unicorns, which works better than regular horses. Now if only he can paint those unicorns with firey red color, that would.. mm.... turn me on. I always loved red--- oh.. I apologize~" ~ Moxxi

Death's Head - "Death's Head is not just your average racer. He is a bounty hunter and owns a blue and gold race car. Heh hah hah haah! I like him already! Ya know, he's got a good mind to keep his eyes on the prize." ~ Ghost.

Quentel - ".....Hmm... I'm not sure what to think about him, but his Oldsmobile is somewhat suitable for the race. But if he has weapons which he does, I'm sure he can win this. ....What? I just think of him as an oddball. Don't judge my comments!" ~ Moxxi

Ignacious - "Jesus christ... and we got an undead racer who, of course, wants to win the race. As you can see, he owns a ghastly vehicle that runs on screaming souls. I'M JUST SAYING. His car might run on screaming souls. I mean, who uses souls for fuel, huh? OOoooh, we do not need fuel to run for our cars! We can use souls and make our car puurrrnyanyanya--SHUT UP!!!" ~ Ghost

Thant - "Thant is... what else? A wheelie. ...That's all I can say, folks." ~ Moxxi.

Captain Falcon - "And there's Captain Falcon himself and his trusty Blue Falcon. He is rumored to be one of the fastest racers in the galaxy, but I have my doubts that he may win this race. I'm just saying. It's not a fact, it's an opinion." ~ Ghost.

??? - "With all 10 racers coming together to prove themselves to be the Moxxxi Grand Prix champion, only one will---" ~ Decending whistling noise--?!!!

"Wait- what was that noise?" Moxxi asked Ghost.

BOOM!!!!!

As the smoke clears out beside Luigi, a strange old man and a photorealistic tiger appears at the starting line. Except when the tiger is over the old man. That old man's name is Uncle Grandpa. "G'Morning!" He spoke out loud, much to Luigi's shock.

"Wait- who's this guy?" one intern said.

"...Oh no... Oh god, no. NOT HIM." Moxxi screamed.

"A-Are you kidding me?" Ghost's eyes twitch, "ARE YOU-- KIDDING ME?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! You know, I am okay with racers coming in late as the race is about to start, but this FRUITBOWL COMES IN AND RUINS FOR--GAAAAHHH!! *cans.wav* FUCKING FRUITS!!!! THEY'RE FRUITIN' UP!!!!!!!!! AGGHHHHHHHH!!!!" *more cans.wav*

Luigi is staring at Uncle Grandpa. "Uh... who are you?"

"I'm your Uncle Grandpa!" He replied.

"You're my... what now?" Luigi is confused, "I don't get it."

"Actually, he's everybody in the world's uncle and grandpa. And when comes to visit, it's surely a time you'll never forget."

"Yep~ Sounds about right~" Uncle Grandpa said.

"I agree~" Another Uncle Grandpa from Uncle Grandpa's fanny pack.

"Ditto!" One pops up from Uncle Grandpa's hat.

"G'Morning!" Then another pops out of the tiger's butt.

"........." Luigi slaps himself, "Uurggh... This is gonna be one of those days."

"Hey, don't let this guy break your sanity, Luigi." Starlow spoke to Luigi, "I'm sure he's not much of a--" Then Uncle Grandpa ate his clones like a cannibal. He burped afterwards. Starlow shows her disgust towards Uncle Grandpa. "REALLY!?!"

"Sorry. Forgot about table manners." Uncle Grandpa blushed.

Wario on the Wario Bike, Pit on the Lightning Chariot, Captain Falcon in the Blue Falcon - they all met at the starting line, ready to take off. Pit was rather started at Uncle Grandpa's arrival, though.

"Uhhh...Lady Palutena? What do you make of this kook?" Pit asked Palutena via telepathy.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much, Pit," Palutena replied from the Celestial Plain. "By the end of the race, I'm sure you'll get to like him~"

"Wahahahaha! Now this is-a MY kinda guy!" Wario commented. "He's so quirky, it's awesome!"

Quentel drives up to the starting line.

The Sock Train, Death's Head's vehicle, and Thant all come up to the starting line.

"Ya'll ready to LOSE?!" shouts Sockie.

"Speak for yourself, jackass!" shouts back Thant.

"Hmm... no, don't think this will be much trouble after all." remarks Death's Head.

Ignacious drives up to the starting line as well, bewildered at Uncle Grandpa's sudden entrance. He quickly takes out a paper and pencil and starts writing something.

"..Note to future-Ignacious," Ignacious started mumbling as he scribbled. "Remember to invite odd tiger rider to Ignacious' brother's death-day."

Zedrek, the Idiot that he is, drives a Dragon to the starting line. "Sup, Bastards of the Storm Cloak! so, is this a Race or some damned fighting Tournament that Idiot Torgue made?"

"AW!!!!" The intern throws his clipboard down and smashes it into pieces, "I don't even care anymore."

"Start your engines, racers!" Moxxi said, "Because shit is about to get real."

Three giant red lums are in front of the racers. Then they change colors from red to yellow.

3!

2!

1!

GO!

And the race begins! Racer S starts off with a boost while Luigi and Uncle Grandpa catch up to her as quickly as they can. And yes, the Giant Realistic Flying Tiger is leaving rainbow trails.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddd THEY OOOOFFFFF!!!" Ghost shouted like a happy old man.

Zedrek's Dragon, whom was just a Mechanic dragon, started running down the Speedway, then grew Engines and shot down the track in speeding fire!

"COOOOOOOOOOOL!!!"

The Sock Train and Death's Head's vehicle zoom off to right behind Racer S, as Thant struggles to keep up with them.

Quentel is not having such a good time on the track, struggling to keep up... with Thant.

Ignacious' car rockets after them, the undead driver quickly blazing past Quentel and Thant; eventually closing in on Luigi.

The Blue Falcon and Lightning Chariot zoom off, both keeping up with Racer S quickly. The Wario Bike also rockets away down the course, neck and neck with Death's Head.

"Hey, Metal Head, hehe...Think fast!" Wario quickly tossed a Bob-omb onto the back of Death's Head's vehicle before using a Mushroom to zoom ahead, laughing.

Death's Head immediately swaps his right arm out for a fishing hook, and swings it backwards, grabbing the Bob-omb from the back of his vehicle. He then hurls it into the middle of the racers ahead of him.

"A great start for every one of them! Racer S is currently in the lead with Falcon and Pit closing in on her." Moxxi spectates the race, "And it looks like Luigi is about to boost things up."

Luigi activates his buggy's thruster as he speeds past-- BUT WAIT! Uncle Grandpa is passing the racers by and takes the lead! And the Giant Realistic Flying Tiger's trails is distracting Luigi and the others because rainbows are beautiful! It's double rainbows all the way! Uncle Grandpa is piloting the tiger by... riding on a treadmill on top of the tiger.

"No time to race! Gotta keep up my cardio."

"OH, JESUS CHRIST! I ALREADY HATE THAT FRUITY-AS--" Ghost rages hard over Uncle Grandpa.

"And I have yet to wonder how a weird man is piloting a tiger like that..." Moxxi commented and looks at Ghost, "And cool your jets, Ghost. Uncle Grandpa is usually doing his things for... strange entertainment."

"Oh yeah?! What else can that fruit can do, huh?!"

"Juggling ponies, pegasuses, and unicorns." Which Moxxi pointed out now that Uncle Grandpa juggled the horses like a boss.

"OH MY GOD, HE's A FREAKING BRONY--" *cans.wav* "DAMN IT!!!! #@$%!!! HE'S FRUITIN' UP!!! HE'S FRUITIN' UP I TELL YOU!!!"

But Racer S is not distracted by the brilliance of rainbows. She speeds up to him and throws a smokebomb in front of Uncle Grandpa.

Quentel is in dead last, but why isn't he using the weapons he's SURE to have packed? SURELY a lawyer murderer would have weapons on an Oldsmobile!

Ignacious soon catches up to Luigi; chortling madly as he prepares to throw a fireball at the green plumber.. until he runs into the Bob-omb Death's Head tossed onto the track, blasting him back.

"Blue Falcon! Engage Super Jet!" Captain Falcon instructed his vehicle's computer. Soon, the Blue Falcon gained an even greater speed boost, whooshing ahead of Racer S. Whether or not he passes Uncle Grandpa is anyone's guess.

"Go, Phox! Go, Lux! Hyah!" Pit cried out. The two unicorns pulling the Lightning Chariot suddenly sprinted faster, rushing past practically all of the competition.

"Grrr, those-a cheaters!" Wario growled. He whipped out a Golden Mushroom, using it to speed his bike past most everyone.

Sockie pushes some levers within the Sock Train, and its speed suddenly increases. It then begins ramming the back of Pit's Lightning Chariot.

"Out of the way, kid!" shouts Sockie.

"(!) Hey, knock it off!!" Pit shouted to Sockie.

"Don't take it from him, Pit - return the hospitality!" Palutena said.

So, Pit whipped out his Palutena Bow and fired a charged arrow at the Sock Train's wheels.

Meanwhile, Quentel accidentally rams into Thant on the racetrack.