BASICS
||Credit to Martin Missfeldt||
Name: "Who 'da fuck are you to ask me my name? I mean, really, man. Just call me Mister Genius for all I care." His name is Jerry Martin Crackdale Junior.
Nickname: "Oh my god, do you ever give up, man? Just call me Crackers or somethin'." As a matter of fact, his nicknames do kind of go with that theme. You can call him Crackers, Mr. Crackers, Crackpot, Cracky, McCrack, whatever.
Age: "Old enough to be smart, and young enough to kick your punk ass out'ta the ball park. Raaaaawk." He's probably in his twenties. Somewhere in there. Ehhh. 23, yeah, that works.
Gender: "Holy shit, man. I mean, holy crap. Can't have anybody thinking I'm one of them rascal sailor parrots who swear like their owners. But, does this handsome hunk of a parrot look like some kind of woman to you?" He's male, definitely male.
Sexuality: "Bow chika wow wow, where'd all 'dem lady birds go? Mmm, I gotta catch me some of that PIZZAZ!" He's heterosexual.
Race: "I'm a parrot, dude. Parrot. Well, maybe I had arms instead of wings, once. But now I'm a parrot, through and through. Rawwwwk." He's a former human. Now he's a parrot. We're not really sure what kind he is.
Nationality: "Man, birds don't care what color you are. They just care about yo' style. Flap them wings man, and go fly!" He was Caucasian before.
Alignment: "I'm a bastard, man. I'M EVIL, THROUGH AND THROUGH. Nah, I kid. I'm a goody two shoes." He likes to say that he's evil, but he's pretty much rooting for the good guys.

APPEARANCE
Eyes: "They're the color of the sky I fly in. Rawwwk!" They're a bright ice blue. Actually, it's more like a cerulean blue rather than an icy blue. Somewhere between there, a mismash.

Hair: "I don't have hair. I have feathers. FEATHERS, man. I'VE GOT FREAKING FEATHERS. I still can't get over it. It's like I reach my hand, I MEAN, CLAW, to itch my head and I scratch these silky feathers instead of hair. It's just creepy." Yeah, he's got feathers. Obviously he's still not quite gotten over that. They're an assortment of colors. He's a very colorful bird. But the majority of them are red, yellow, and blue. Maybe some green here and there.

Height/Weight: "I'm fit as a fiddle. Really, I weigh like five pounds. Probably less. I'm on the short side, I don't think that really sways my lady power, though. The female birdies will be flocking around me, LITERALLY!" I guess he's pretty much the average weight and height for a parrot. Due to their light bones, and their need for less weight to fly, he can't be over three pounds unless he's really packing on the candy bars. As for his height, well... No more than fifteen inches.

Skin Tone: "Uh.. "Peaches and cream". FUCK YOU! I'm a parrot, jerk. My legs are kind of clay gray, though. With a smattering of white freckles. His claws, and beak are more of a grayish color, he's correct. With a bit of a white streak here and there. It's actually black beneath all the dust, but he forgets to bathe sometimes. Gross, I know.

Build: "I'm built for speed. I can fly higher, and faster than you." Eh, he's fragile. He's a bird, after all. You could pretty much snap him in two if you really tried hard enough.

Body Markings: "Oh man, I have too many of those. I got this one tattoo when I was eighteen, I was too drunk to remember that it really hurt to get a tattoo. I think I passed out at the tattoo parlor. The next morning, I see my arm, the tattoo guy did my arm all up with the words, "Mom, I'm gay". God dammit." Uh, well there's that one. But it's covered by feathers anyway. And he's definitely not gay. There is one on his left claw/leg thing, it's the numbers "666". Fitting. He's the devil in parrot form.

Voice: "I sing like the sweetest song bird you've ever heard. The lady birds swoon at the sound of my voice, let me sing something for you. Can anybODYYYYY! FIND, ME SOMEONE TOOOOO LOOOOOOO--" Ignoring his attempts at singing, his voice can be distinguished beneath the parrot-ish voice. Don't ever let him try to sing to you. Even when he was a human he sounded like a frog with a frog in its throat that was pregnant with another frog.

Description: "Hey, writer, make sure to write about my good side. You know, the one with the best feathers and all that." Err, right, Cracky, okay, I will. Well, to start with, he pretty much looks like a normal parrot on the outside, if you don't actually observe really really closely. His head is shaped the same way as a parrot's head, as is his beak, wings, and body. I suppose we can start with colors, then. On the top of his head, the majority of his feathers are colored red, definitely. There is a single feather that is blue, and a single feather that is yellow on the top of his head as well, something like a cowlick there. His wingtips are actually purple and green instead of blue and yellow, and most of his body is colored red as well. There are quite a few streaks of different colors, though.

The underside of his belly is yellow, with strips of blue running about it somewhat like those cartoony criminal costumes. Around his eyes there is a band of yellow that is lined with tiny blue feathers as well. His beak is surrounded by white feathers, and lining the underside of his wings are green and purple feathers. He's a very colorful bird. His tail is a mixture of all these colors, blue, purple, green, yellow, and red. He's a freaking tropical paradise in bird form. His beak is just a little too big for his head, and his wings are slightly too large for his body. He looks quite comical, actually. He is able to do all the things a parrot can do, which also means he can pronounce words correctly, no duh.

The most interesting thing about him are his claws. He has five fingers on each claw, as a side affect of once being human. Only a bird fanatic, or someone who studies birds would be able to notice this. Though... If you've seen a parrot before and happen to look down at McCracky's toes, you'd see that... Most birds don't usually have thumbs. BUT, YEAH.

Also, in his mouth, he uh. He actually has teeth. Yeah, that's right. If he gets a chomp at you, make sure that he doesn't get a hold of anything you want to keep, because this bird has got a BITE. His teeth apparently stayed throughout the whole entire thing, so he's able to eat any food that a person can eat, which usually isn't the case with a parrot.

MENTALITY
||Credit to Martin Missfeldt||
Quirks: "Quirks? QUIRKS? I'm a freakin' parrot. What kind of quirks to parrots have, ya' hobag?" As a matter of fact... Crackers has a lot of quirks, even as a parrot. When he was a human, he had a nervous way of clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth when he was concentrating and thinking really hard. Well, he still does that now. He can click even louder, now, though. It's a very irritating sound, and he doesn't usually notice when he's doing it anyway. When he's upset, he'll often clench his teeth, and he'll get very quiet. Which is really unusual for Cracky, because... He's a blabber mouth, seriously. You can usually never get this effing parakeet to shut up. Haha.

Fears: "Are you kiddin' me? I fear nothing! For I am the great McCrack--" He fears horses, cats, bicycle bells (because they're freaking annoying), rats, race cars, the color orange (because it suggests pulp in orange juice to him, and he hates that), and next, R.O.U.S's (Rodents of unusual size, watch the Princess Bride, biotches!).

Likes: "I like ladies, and crackers, and ladies, and margaritas, and LADIES!" He likes the ladies obviously, margaritas, anything colorful, crackers, books, numbers, words, newspapers, fake disguises ('cos they're dumb), bicycles (without the bells), clouds, laziness, potato chips, books, umbrellas, heroes, and so on and so forth.

Dislikes: "I don't like your face, or your mom." He doesn't like saltine crackers, or chlorine, poodles, romance movies, action figures, cages, piercings of any kind, sharp objects, annoying people that aren't himself, stuck up parrots that aren't himself, and so on and so forth. (Will be adding to Likes, Fears, and Dislikes later on.)

Personality: "I'm a smooth, suave, handsome parrot that knows a hell of a lot more about Fibonacci and Pi than you." Well I suppose we'll start with this: he's a complete and total ass. Yeah, you heard me right. Crackers is a freaking ass. He'll pester you with questions that don't matter, he'll annoy you out of your mind with blunt comments about your looks, your personality, and he'll tease you by being smarter than you when he wants to be. He's a real jokester, and he'll prank you any time he sees that you won't see it coming. That doesn't mean he's not serious at times, but it sure does mean that he's not serious most of the time. You can see it in his eyes.

Yeah, so he's a super genius stuck inside a parrot, SO WHAT? I mean, come on. Who would think that a parrot knew the first million numbers of Pi. I'm not even sure I know the first million numbers of Pi. Yeah, I don't know the first million numbers of Pi. Where were we? I LIKE PIE, but I don't know Pi. Back to his personality. He's a coward, may I say. Yes, he is one of those people that will take off if the situation turns nasty and sticky. Which is pretty easy for him because he can fly. His cowardice adds to his snarky, sarcastic attitude, and his pessimism. He's definitely not an optimist, guys. Definitely not. He'll actually act drunk if he doesn't want to talk to you, and sometimes he really is drunk. You have no idea how easy it is for a super genius parrot to strategize the quickest and the easiest way to steal a margarita from a half dead drunkard.

Yet another thing. If super genius was given the chance for a longer life, or a margarita and a plate of crackers... He'd go for the margarita and the crackers. Yeah, he's a bit of a douche bag. And he's a dumb ass. But there is one good trait about him that I'll reveal to you now: he's loyal. Even though he is a coward, and he'll run away from a situation, he will never betray the heroes trust. Even though he knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING, he'll still help the heroes out. Why? For margaritas and crackers. And... Maybe there's like the 5% of saving Chestville that matters to him, too. But mostly for saving margaritas and crackers.

EQUIPMENT
Super Attire: "Hey, kid. What do I look like to you? Superman in his tighty whiteys? Uh, no. I don't wear tights. It chokes my boys." ... He's a parrot, he doesn't wear any clothes. Kinda.

Casual Clothing: "Whoa, whoa whoa whoa... I do too wear clothes. You'll see here!" He squawked insistently. Okay, okay. So to be really stupid, and just for laughs, sometimes he wears this fake mustache and a toupee. Yeah, you heard me right here, too. They're both jet black, and it definitely makes him stand out, but, yeah.

Carried Items: "I can't tell you all my secrets. Rawwwk!" Strapped to his left leg is a very tiny pill canister. The pill canister is filled with, well, purple colored pills that are deadly, and very potent. If he manages to slip one into your drink, you pass out. If he manages to slip two, you die. They're very tiny, they're about the size of an ant's head. A normal ant. Not one of those fat ones.

COMBATIVENESS
Skills:

• 'SUPA BRAIN!: "YEAH, boi, that's right." He bobs his head up and down. He is a super genius, that is true. He's brilliant with numbers, even though he doesn't really like math. He's awesome at spelling and foreign languages, even if he doesn't give a crap, and he's really pretty much good at everything except history, which really sucked for him in high school and college. Not a good enough description? Alriiiight, I'll explain it some more. When Crackers was born (and human), his parents decided that he was going to be a genius. Of course, you can't MAKE your kid a genius, so they were at least going to TRY to make him a genius. And you know what? It kinda worked.
  
  They made him listen to Mozart, they made him learn how to play the piano, they set up extra curricular activities for him all the time. His parents were both scholars, which made his life much harder than it should have been, but it paid off. He flourished beneath their exercises, he loved words, and anything that had to do with words, he hated numbers, but he was brilliant with them anyway. He absolutely adored science, which he rocked at. So, yeah.
  
  
• Wordy McTurdy: "I could probably talk your ear off all day." Yep, he pretty much could. I'm not sure whether this is actually useful per se, but it's pretty damn funny. He grew up being able to speak and express himself very well. His vocabulary is giant, but he prefers to use easier words to say because he's lazy like that. Again, this goes with being born from two scholars who really wanted their kid to be super smart. Well, he is super smart, but now he's a parrot. Obviously they did something wrong in his childhood.
  
  
• Mimic Mommy: "He... Hehehe." Well, it should be kind of obvious what this means. He can pretty much mimic any noise he hears. If he listens closely and analyzes the sound, and the sound waves that no one can really see except him, he can mimic most any voice or bell, or sound. Say, maybe your mom is screaming at you to clean up your room. If he listens for a moment, he could pretty much repeat that. It makes it a lot easier to remember passwords... And codes... And stuff like that. Just be careful around him when you're whispering things, he's got pretty good hearing, and a damn good memory.

Weaknesses:

• Refusal Battaliatitis: "WHOA, WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA! I DON'T FIGHT. NO SIRREE." There you have it, jitters. He can't fight, in fact, that is his weakness. He's too cowardly to fight. It doesn't help that he's a parrot now. Parrots can't really fight very well. Sure, they can flap their wings at you and tear your eyeballs out with their claws, and bash you with their sharp beaks... But they can't... Fight... Yeah, he just doesn't want to. He totally could kick someone's ass if he tried.
  
  
• DEAD WEIGHT: "Urm.. Writer, what is "DEAD WEIGHT" supposed to mean, anyway?" It means you are dead weight when it comes to fighting. Even though you're a super genius, you were never good at fighting, or busting out the moves. You never even tried to anyway. If you did try to fight you would realize that your bones are way too light for fighting, and that in order to fight you would either have to hire someone, or... OR, you could fight, and get brutally smashed. I kind of like that idea.

Powers: "Here comes the fun part, mang. Let me do the talking. I have learned the powers of womanizing, I will soon learn the powers of being able to charm every hot babe within a fifty mile rad--" Hah. Hahahaha. Hahaha. Yeah, no. His super powers are definitely not that. Anyway, let's get started with the first one. It's pretty easy to understand:

He uses 95% of his brain instead of the average percentage a normal human would use. Which means that when I say he's a super brain, HE'S A SUPER BRAIN. It amplifies his knowledge, and it makes him a lot more observant. It just means that he can analyze a situation and understand almost every part of it, but he has to have evidence, and proof to back him up other wise the future will be unclear for the certain situation. It's a very complicated process. Now, when I say super genius, I seriously mean it. He can hear a sample of a language and pick it up right away, he knows how to bribe people without money, and how to charm others in other ways. Yep, yep, you heard me.

He's easily the dumbest smart parrot in the world. Also, the side effect of him becoming a parrot was an accident. In fact, he wasn't even trying to make himself a super super brain, he didn't mind being what he was before. But, let me explain a few more powers. Because of his gift in languages and other things when he became a super brain, adding that to the tiny mental link at the back of his mind with animals, he has also learned to converse with animals as well as humans, or at least, he will later on. Right now he can only speak bird. Any type of fowl. Whether it's an owl or a freaking vulture, he can speak it.



HISTORY
Martial Status: "Nonononono. NONONONONONO. We are not going there. I AM A SINGLE, FREE MAN! LADIES, COME AT ME!" ... I doubt he ever will get married, because who could spend the rest of their life with that thing?

Family: "Ah, all of my family live in the country side. In a little town called Blue Ridge. I miss it there." Yeah, well. ANYWAY. The Crackdales do really live in Blue Ridge, and it is really a tiny town in the country side far away from Chestville. Jerry is the oldest of four, he has three younger sisters. Jenny is the second oldest, Jemma is the middle child, and June (Junebug) is the youngest. His pa, Jerry Martin Crackdale Senior, and his mother Jeramaline Crackdale are proud of their son, but they retired and multiplied a long time ago. Excuse the weird terms.

History: "Well, I could tell you this story. If the writer will let me." I guess I can make an exception this time. But this profile is rated PG-13. "I got it, I got it. So how about we start with a blonde, she had the sexiest legs, and the biggest jugs you've ever seen, and her f--" CRACK. "FINE! Rawwwk. I'll start with my birth. I was birthed in the city of Chestville a longish time ago to two really smart people. They thought that maybe I would become like them, and they totally pushed me to my limits. I made them happy, I made an effort. But on the inside I strived to be something else. When I turned ten, I won the national spelling bee. When I turned fifteen, I won my school's Pi reciting contest. And so on and so forth. My parents' shelves were crowded with trophies. I graduated high school at the age of fifteen, and went off to college at the age of sixteen. I graduated college very soon as well, and started my work as a scientist later on. Well, as it turns out I'm pretty good with DNA and RNA.

"They made me leader. But while the crime rates were rising, we didn't realize what we should do about it until people demanded that we do it. We rushed to get everything over and done with, and we hired people for testing. God, what a mistake. I can't believe people would let us poke needles into them for like, a hundred dollars. I'd go for about a million. Anyway, we managed to do this to more than a few people. Look at the trouble we have on our hands. We are idiots, we've completely destroyed Chestville. It's up to me to bring it back, but I'm not sure I want to. After the accident, I'm an effing parrot. Only a good friend of mine, the oldest scientist you'll ever see, Dr. Sipes knows about my little.. Feathery problem. He's been helping me out. He's rich, I'm rich, but I'm a parrot. Not fair, right? We'll see how this super hero thing turns out, we'll see."

Why You Signed Up For Testing: "I didn't sign up for the freaking testing." Yeah. Well. Here's how the story goes. Cracky was working in his lab, when he got really thirsty. He saw a beaker that had some water in it, and like the douchebag idiot he is, he drank the entire thing. It tasted like water, didn't seem like it was anything else. AS IT TURNS OUT. It was one of the experiments for the other testers, he had drunk it, and he would reap the consequences. A good night's sleep later, when Cracky woke up, he was a parrot. He felt smarter, but he was still a parrot. He was angry, and wondered who did this. Then he remembered that he had done it to himself. He's an asshole, and he's really dumb, what can I say?

Opinions On Other Supers: "Meh. They're all the same. Whack jobs like me. But I can understand them."

RANDOMIZER!: +Credit due to the person who painted the pictures, I will stop using them if that is your wish.

+ Theme Song for Crackers: ALESTORM - Keelhauled.

+ FDSAOFASFASFAS

So begins...

Crackers's Story