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was I merely dreaming?
x xGender
x xSexuality
x xAge
x xNationality
x xDialouge
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Malex x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Heterosexualx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Eighteenx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Koreanx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
#708789x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
#bbbbbbx x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
AESTHETIC
There's something sad about the way Alex accepts defeat so easily. Tired eyes have gazed upon tired sunsets and have longed for the day he may shine as brightly as them. But for now, he must walk resolutely with the knowledge that the sun may only cast its vibrant rays on raven hair. An imposing man he might have been if life had not worn his shoulders down into a perpetual hunch. Solem, he looks and solemn it seems to be all that he ever will be.
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There's something sad about the way Alex accepts defeat so easily. Tired eyes have gazed upon tired sunsets and have longed for the day he may shine as brightly as them. But for now, he must walk resolutely with the knowledge that the sun may only cast its vibrant rays on raven hair. An imposing man he might have been if life had not worn his shoulders down into a perpetual hunch. Solem, he looks and solemn it seems to be all that he ever will be.
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PERSONA
Often, Alex hides away in the familiarity of loneliness. He does not crave the affection nor does he actively try to aquatint himself with those surrounding him. In fact, his cool and aloof disposition regularly negates any conversation from happening, and without him realizing it any and all potential friends have left. Some say it’s his eyes, they’re too cold, too dark, too unwelcoming for anyone to properly introduce themselves. Others argue that he’s too vulnerable — a liability to a perfectly constructed machine of friendships they’ve created and he if added, would only be a nuisance. He takes it all in with a smile though because he’s fine, really he is, and regularity breeds a type of acceptance and if Alex is anything it would be forgiving.
Though not all have the capacity to see it (whether it is because they choose to ignore it or some variation of that) Alex loves to smile; loves the feeling of relishing in something purely good, and without repercussion. Mostly though he loves the fact that though there are many gray days there are a few brightly colored ones as well. Days where the blood in his veins boils so hot that simply sitting around seems like self-imposed torture. He feels unhindered then, like a thousand pounds of guilt and sadness and regrets come sliding off, and what remains is the center of a shell that he forgot even existed. Those are the days that keep him living, and what will continue to do so in the future.
Such happiness, however, is short-lived and the days where he has to drag his body to do the things he must (Who needs to eat anyway) seem to almost override his pervious joy — almost. He knows that the life he lives in is full of injustices, and he is burdened by his own mind’s habit of thinking pessimistically, but the power to overcome such dangerous thoughts is what he likes to call, “a small mercy.”
Underneath his loneliness, his positive attitude toward life, and a standoffish personality lies a dominate trait that he tries so hard to hide. The guilt — he feels it so heavily that breathing at times is difficult and more often than not he wants to let the emotion consume him. He deserves it, however, for he’s selfish and unkind not even worth the air he breaths — or so says his heart. Anastasia died on the sidewalk with no one by her side. To say he's haunted by her would be an understatement. The worst part is that Alex knows it's not his fault, that her actions were solely her own and any attempt he would have tried to get through to her would have been ignored, but the tugging at his heart makes him think otherwise.
Often, Alex hides away in the familiarity of loneliness. He does not crave the affection nor does he actively try to aquatint himself with those surrounding him. In fact, his cool and aloof disposition regularly negates any conversation from happening, and without him realizing it any and all potential friends have left. Some say it’s his eyes, they’re too cold, too dark, too unwelcoming for anyone to properly introduce themselves. Others argue that he’s too vulnerable — a liability to a perfectly constructed machine of friendships they’ve created and he if added, would only be a nuisance. He takes it all in with a smile though because he’s fine, really he is, and regularity breeds a type of acceptance and if Alex is anything it would be forgiving.
Though not all have the capacity to see it (whether it is because they choose to ignore it or some variation of that) Alex loves to smile; loves the feeling of relishing in something purely good, and without repercussion. Mostly though he loves the fact that though there are many gray days there are a few brightly colored ones as well. Days where the blood in his veins boils so hot that simply sitting around seems like self-imposed torture. He feels unhindered then, like a thousand pounds of guilt and sadness and regrets come sliding off, and what remains is the center of a shell that he forgot even existed. Those are the days that keep him living, and what will continue to do so in the future.
Such happiness, however, is short-lived and the days where he has to drag his body to do the things he must (Who needs to eat anyway) seem to almost override his pervious joy — almost. He knows that the life he lives in is full of injustices, and he is burdened by his own mind’s habit of thinking pessimistically, but the power to overcome such dangerous thoughts is what he likes to call, “a small mercy.”
Underneath his loneliness, his positive attitude toward life, and a standoffish personality lies a dominate trait that he tries so hard to hide. The guilt — he feels it so heavily that breathing at times is difficult and more often than not he wants to let the emotion consume him. He deserves it, however, for he’s selfish and unkind not even worth the air he breaths — or so says his heart. Anastasia died on the sidewalk with no one by her side. To say he's haunted by her would be an understatement. The worst part is that Alex knows it's not his fault, that her actions were solely her own and any attempt he would have tried to get through to her would have been ignored, but the tugging at his heart makes him think otherwise.
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ATTRIBUTES
LIKES. Alex has always liked large birds and the sun. Something about the freedom they possess entices him. He also loves cold tea and reading children's books. Although he does not particularly love it, he has an appreciation for his science textbooks. The layout and material it presents are pleasing to him.
DISLIKES. He hates rabbits, they're creepy. Most types of bread he cannot tolerate, he only likes brioche bread. Literature books and poetry, he may be sad but that doesn't mean he wants to read about other people's misery. He also hates pop songs or singing in general, he prefers instrumental music.
QUIRKS. Will compulsively pick under his fingernails for any dirt. Puts sugar in his cold tea after it has been steeped, like a monster. Will only tolerate one type of singing, musicals, and even then he is very particular about what kinds.
]STRENGTHS. He's observant to a fault, which also makes him anxious, but more importantly it allows him to understand the people around him better. He has a very analytical brain despite his lamenting and subsequentially is very good at math and science. He also dresses very nicely as his family is rich, so I mean I guess that's a strength.
WEAKNESS. Solem or some variation of it. He doesn't like to socialize that much and gives curt answers, however, he always responds to questions as he's not a complete monster. He is not very strong relative to others, mostly because he doesn't want to have that power. He's a pushover if someone dominates him. He's weak-willed if he's pushed and like a puppy, he sees not the wrong in other people but in himself.
FEARS. Driving late at night, he's afraid of hurting someone else or an animal because he gets tired very easily from the motion of the car. He waited until he was 18 to get his license and even still does not like to drive. He also is afraid of drugs, afraid that he'll get addicted.
LIKES. Alex has always liked large birds and the sun. Something about the freedom they possess entices him. He also loves cold tea and reading children's books. Although he does not particularly love it, he has an appreciation for his science textbooks. The layout and material it presents are pleasing to him.
DISLIKES. He hates rabbits, they're creepy. Most types of bread he cannot tolerate, he only likes brioche bread. Literature books and poetry, he may be sad but that doesn't mean he wants to read about other people's misery. He also hates pop songs or singing in general, he prefers instrumental music.
QUIRKS. Will compulsively pick under his fingernails for any dirt. Puts sugar in his cold tea after it has been steeped, like a monster. Will only tolerate one type of singing, musicals, and even then he is very particular about what kinds.
]STRENGTHS. He's observant to a fault, which also makes him anxious, but more importantly it allows him to understand the people around him better. He has a very analytical brain despite his lamenting and subsequentially is very good at math and science. He also dresses very nicely as his family is rich, so I mean I guess that's a strength.
WEAKNESS. Solem or some variation of it. He doesn't like to socialize that much and gives curt answers, however, he always responds to questions as he's not a complete monster. He is not very strong relative to others, mostly because he doesn't want to have that power. He's a pushover if someone dominates him. He's weak-willed if he's pushed and like a puppy, he sees not the wrong in other people but in himself.
FEARS. Driving late at night, he's afraid of hurting someone else or an animal because he gets tired very easily from the motion of the car. He waited until he was 18 to get his license and even still does not like to drive. He also is afraid of drugs, afraid that he'll get addicted.
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PAST
STILL HOLDING ON. He doesn't blame himself, but he wishes he would. But if he did, that'd mean the end of him. He's devastated and his depression has only gotten worse because of it. He misses her dearly.
HAPPIEST MEMORY. Their summer before highschool seemed idyllic. Movies every night, rollerblading at the local skate place, and arcade games until sunrise. But most importantly he remembers thinking that life couldn't be so bad if she was in it if she was the one by his side. High school seemed a lot less scary for a social pariah when he had someone as bright as her.
STILL HOLDING ON. He doesn't blame himself, but he wishes he would. But if he did, that'd mean the end of him. He's devastated and his depression has only gotten worse because of it. He misses her dearly.
HAPPIEST MEMORY. Their summer before highschool seemed idyllic. Movies every night, rollerblading at the local skate place, and arcade games until sunrise. But most importantly he remembers thinking that life couldn't be so bad if she was in it if she was the one by his side. High school seemed a lot less scary for a social pariah when he had someone as bright as her.
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HISTORY
History here. Praesent ultricies urna a quam scelerisque rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Cras iaculis vulputate ligula, non bibendum ipsum varius sed. Donec tincidunt leo lectus, euismod maximus nibh finibus vitae. Quisque vestibulum turpis ac mauris vestibulum ullamcorper. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse mollis condimentum ullamcorper. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in.
Praesent ultricies urna a quam scelerisque rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Cras iaculis vulputate ligula, non bibendum ipsum varius sed. Donec tincidunt leo lectus, euismod maximus nibh finibus vitae. Quisque vestibulum turpis ac mauris vestibulum ullamcorper. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse mollis condimentum ullamcorper. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in.
Praesent ultricies urna a quam scelerisque rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Cras iaculis vulputate ligula, non bibendum ipsum varius sed. Donec tincidunt leo lectus, euismod maximus nibh finibus vitae. Quisque vestibulum turpis ac mauris vestibulum ullamcorper. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse mollis condimentum ullamcorper. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in.
History here. Praesent ultricies urna a quam scelerisque rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Cras iaculis vulputate ligula, non bibendum ipsum varius sed. Donec tincidunt leo lectus, euismod maximus nibh finibus vitae. Quisque vestibulum turpis ac mauris vestibulum ullamcorper. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse mollis condimentum ullamcorper. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in.
Praesent ultricies urna a quam scelerisque rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Cras iaculis vulputate ligula, non bibendum ipsum varius sed. Donec tincidunt leo lectus, euismod maximus nibh finibus vitae. Quisque vestibulum turpis ac mauris vestibulum ullamcorper. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse mollis condimentum ullamcorper. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in.
Praesent ultricies urna a quam scelerisque rhoncus. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Cras iaculis vulputate ligula, non bibendum ipsum varius sed. Donec tincidunt leo lectus, euismod maximus nibh finibus vitae. Quisque vestibulum turpis ac mauris vestibulum ullamcorper. Aliquam erat volutpat. Suspendisse mollis condimentum ullamcorper. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in. Donec elit turpis, maximus vitae mollis vitae, pellentesque id ex. Aliquam erat volutpat. Sed pretium vulputate ligula, id gravida tortor elementum in.
