New Mobile Report Gundam W: From the Fire's of Hell (WIP)

"From the Fire's of Hell" is an attempt to bring the }{G in as part of the continuety of the Gundam W series. This is also part of the background story for what happens before the possible animated series we may or may not be doing (who knows at this point). Anyway, here's the first chapter.

Also I think when I copied and pasted some of the format was lost it looks better in word atleast.
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Chapter 1: The beginning of the unsung war…
After Colony 177…

“Adjust the calculations; we don’t want to screw up on this one…”

“Is it right how we’re playing God?”

“They played God before us, and lightening didn’t rain down from above when they completed their subject. I don’t see why it would be a problem for us.”

“I just don’t think its right.”

“Then leave this very instant. I can’t afford having someone who has doubts about this project.”

“He won’t have a mother or father, how will we explain that to him?

“They died during an accident here on the L3 Colony. We have death certificates filled out, and newspaper clippings forged to explain it to him.”

“His whole life is planned out…will he ever actually be able to live?”

“Yes and no. He will live the life that we have planned for him. If he did not he would not be able to pull from his experience in life. A person’s experiences can either hinder or help a pilot. In this case, it should help him.”

“That is no way to live…”

“It will only be for the early subjects. After that and the replacement process begins, the subjects we create will be able to live their lives like a normal human being. Even god exerted some control over his first humans.”

“Even Adam and Eve rebelled…”

After Colony 195…

“You’re straying from the battle zone, Future!”

“It’s not easy to keep Neo Zero from floating recklessly! You should have had the Wing Verniers installed!” yells a young pilot by the name of Kiyoshi Kazami. Warnings go off in the cockpit of a large blue and white mobile suit known as the Neo Zero.

“That’s no excuse! What if they’re destroyed in battle? You’ll have to learn to deal with disadvantages like that!”

A mobile suit zooms past the screens in Kiyoshi’s cockpit. He tries to get a lock on but the other mobile suit is too fast.

“If you don’t, you’ll be destroyed!”

Kiyoshi glares through the visor of his pilot helmet. The black and gold pilot’s uniform that Kiyoshi wears doubles as a space suit for space combat. The suit has an oxygen tank stored in a rectangular pack on the back providing oxygen to the helmet if there is a need for it. However, while inside the cockpit of a mobile suit, oxygen is provided to the pilot through several minor life support systems.

Turning the mobile suit, Kiyoshi levels the rifle in the direction he predicts that his enemy is going to take. Surprised as he sees the enemy mobile suit coming from above him, Kiyoshi brings his rifle up firing a three round burst of paintballs that miss their mark completely. The other suits aim is dead on, and bright globs of paint splatter on the cockpit area of Kiyoshi’s Neo Zero.

“Damn it!” yells Kiyoshi as he hits his controls.

“You’re dead, Future,” says a man whose face appears in a tiny screen on the right screen of Kiyoshi’s cockpit. The cockpit of the Neo Zero has three screens, one in the middle, and two on the sides. There are many switches and lights, two hand joysticks as well as foot pedals to control the mobile suit.

“Cloud…I’m not used to something like this…” whines Kiyoshi as he opens the visor to his helmet.

“Of course, it wasn’t fed to you like the other control schemes of the other mobile suits you’ve piloted. You’ll have to get past that. Out here you’re no super soldier. You’re now just a regular pilot who just happens to have a lot of skill…if he could just unlock it…”

Looking away in anger, Kiyoshi noticed their ship in the distance. The Pegasus was an advance warship that belonged to the faction known as the }{ell’s Gundams. This faction primarily dealt with the situations of the growing war as they saw fit. Sometimes they would be hired to get a job done, other times they fought on their own accord. For now however, Cloud Strife, their leader had decided to train their newest recruit.

“You know how I don’t like you bringing up my past…”

“And you know how I don’t like to hear you complain. I think we’re being fair to each other.”

There was only a brief warning before both the Neo Zero and Cloud’s Gundam, the Iness Hell were peppered with shots that seemed to come straight from the black abyss of space. It took both pilots a moment before they realized that it wasn’t painballs.

“What the hell…an attack?” yelled Cloud as he put down his visor and put slight pressure on his controls as he saw a team of Space Leo’s flying towards them. “Pegasus, come in, why didn’t you warn us that an enemy team was in the area!?”

Cloud had become frustrated. Both Iness Hell and Neo Zero weren’t equipped for actual combat, he didn’t want to push Kiyoshi too much in this training exercise. Neo Zero wasn’t even fully complete yet.

“We didn’t pick them up on the radar. They seemed to come out of nowhere. Actually, there isn’t supposed to be any kind of colonial activity out here at all…” said someone over the comm. link.

“Cloud!? What do we do, we can’t take them out with paintballs!” yelled Kiyoshi as he made the Neo Zero dodge the attacks coming from the approaching Space Leo’s.

Cloud narrowed his eyes as he flew in at one of the Leo’s. The Leo looked surprised as it tried to back off from the mobile suit that flew at him at incredible speed. The other two Leo’s flew off away from the attacker, dropping out of formation with a burst of blue fire from the verniers. The right hand of the Iness Hell smashed through the camera, while the left hand grabbed the right arm of the Leo’s right wrist, preventing it from firing its machine gun. With a powerful thud and what would have made a painful piercing, tearing sound if they weren’t in a vacuum, Cloud slammed the knee of the Iness Hell through the cockpit of the Leo.

Kiyoshi had a similar look on his face as he brought up his shield to protect the cockpit on the Neo Zero as one of the Leo’s fired its machine guns at him.

“These guys have OZ paint jobs. I didn’t think OZ was way out here,” said Kiyoshi as he made the Neo Zero fly backwards from the attacking Leo. As the Leo got closer it drew its beam saber from underneath its shield. Kiyoshi started to make Neo Zero reach back for his, but a large Gundanium claw pierced through the cockpit of the Leo, then exploded. Kiyoshi blinked as he saw Cloud for a second before he burst off in the direction of the other Leo who was now trying to flee.

The Iness Hell easily over took the Leo in speed, flying in front of the enemy and drawing the large dual Gundanium sword. In one quick slash and then a bright glow from the exploding enemy mobile suit, the battle was over.

“Cloud and Future returning to the Pegasus…” said Cloud as he brought his Gundam around to fly towards the warship. Future maneuvered his own Gundam next to Cloud’s.

“Good job taking all the enemies for yourself…”

“Weren’t you the one complaining that the Neo Zero wasn’t at its best capabilities?” smirked Cloud as Kiyoshi’s image appeared on the screen.

The two Gundam’s landed easily in the hangar onboard the Pegasus. Cloud and Kiyoshi rode their zip lines down where they were greeted by two others. Ten was another pilot. His Gundam was the Divider Zero, an early proto-type model of Kiyoshi’s Neo Zero. The other was a girl named Naomi, she was Cloud’s sister and a technician who worked on the mobile suits onboard.

“I told you, you should have loaded up the Gundam’s for a real fight…” uttered Ten in a sarcastic way as Cloud and Kiyoshi walked up to them with their helmets removed.

“Or you should have at least not made me lower the Neo Zero’s performance capabilities” said Naomi matter of factly.

Kiyoshi looked confused as the words went through his head. He slid on his sunglasses before turning to Cloud angrily. Kiyoshi raised up his hand like he was going to hit Cloud, but everyone knew that he wouldn’t. “Wait! You made the Neo Zero perform so badly!?”.

“I wanted you to know what it’s like to have constraints on yourself that are outside your control. I didn’t expect a small team of Leo’s to interrupt us…”. Cloud turned his head to look at Ten. “Which…could have been avoided if someone was watching the radar better.”

Ten held up his hands in defense. “Look, like I told you, they came out of nowhere. There shouldn’t have been anyone out here but us. Remember!? You’re the one that picked this location for training…”

“Right. I think this deserves some investigation. Those Leo’s obviously didn’t expect to face against a force like us. They probably would have come better armed. Naomi have all three of the Gundam’s ready for combat. Are Neo Zero’s wings ready?”

Naomi shook her head, “No, I still need some more time, but even with out them, Neo Zero should perform as well as the Divider Zero.”

“Well that’s good, at least I won’t be less maneuverable than a damn Leo,” scoffed Kiyoshi as he unzipped his pilot suit. “I’m going to go take a shower, contact me if you need me.” Kiyoshi walked off from the others and out of the hangar.

Ten looked over at Cloud as he crossed his arms. “Do you think the kid can really handle all of this? Neo Zero is going to be a powerful mobile suit when it’s complete.”

“Of course, the data we stole showed that he was built based on my DNA and the old OZ experiments. Right now though, his mind is going through a difficult period. It’s shedding away all of the mental conditioning and programming that the FRE Foundation put him through. We’re still a small operation. We’ll need people who have talent like him.”

Ten shook his head before holding his nose up in disgust. “I didn’t see any talent out there.”

Naomi punched Ten in the arm making him turn to look at her. “You’d have problems too if your Gundam’s vernier output was reduced below that of a Leo, especially when your used to piloting something with more.”

“Speaking of ‘Leo’s’, I want to know where those three came from,” interrupted Cloud. “Naomi, you work on the Gundam’s, Ten you’ll come with me to the bridge, maybe we can pick up a trail.”

The three members nod to each other before going about their tasks.

-

A large cylinder shape colony slowly spins in an empty section of space. The cylinder type of colony was not widely used within the After Colony Area, and thus if this colony was truly part of any of the clusters within the LaGrange points around the Earth, it would appear as an oddity. However, here in Outpost 0991, it is allowed to go on.

After the events on Earth that consisted of Treize Krushenada being removed from his position in OZ, many members had become angry with the Romefeller Foundation. Furthermore, many Colonists began to see the Romefeller as the true enemy. These events caused a split within the factions that existed for both the Earth and the Colonies. In Outpost 0991, a group known as the Leonz Hyguard, composed of former OZ members and angry colonists, have began an operation that puts all of humanity at great risk.

It would seem that war is a constant race for superior arms. From an advance of melee weapons to crude projectile weapons, from nuclear armories, to nuclear reactor powered mobile suits, it has been nothing but a conquest based on advanced weaponry. Here, General Arsgon Mcgreggor has saw over the develop of a weapon that will make mother Earth shake in it’s long standing orbit around the sun. Arsgon Mcrgreggor sits in his large, almost throne-like, leather chair. Looking over design specifications for what looks to be the colony that he resides over. A young soldier walks in bringing the bad news.

“General Mcgreggor sir,” stammered the soldier.

“I am guessing our Leo’s destroyed the unknown vessel and mobile suits?” commented Mcgreggor.

“I’m afraid not sir. All were destroyed. The reports show that they were, rather easily, destroyed by one single mobile suit. Also the data gathered before they engaged the two mobile suits in battle indicates that the ship that we originally to believe some freighter adrift is actually a warship…”

“How disappointing; it would seem your suggestion of sending out a small team of Leo’s, which went against my original assumptions of the situation, was one that was incorrect. Do you know what this leads to young man?” asked Mcgreggor as he stood to his feet.

“Poor battle plans, sir?”

In one swift movement, Mcgreggor had drawn his side arm. The loud gunshot rang through his base as a smile spread across his stone cut jaw. A nasty scar ran down the side of his face, and his blue eyes seemed as sharp as a hawk. The soldier dropped to the ground dead from the bullet that had pierced his skull.

“Indeed it does, lad. Indeed it does.”

Mcgreggor leaned forward to press an intercom unit on his desk.

“I want all information on the ship and mobile suits that have…invaded…our precious colonies boundaries. Oh, and have a team come to my office. It would seem that this young man’s head has exploded from the stress of the job.”

Mcgreggor sat back down at his desk, reviewing the data on the colony.

-

Back on the Pegasus Ten groaned as he hit the terminal he sat behind. “Why da hell do I have to deal with this scanning shit?” he moaned.

“Because, we’re running on a very small crew, most of which are down in the engine room or working on the mobile suits,” replied Cloud who sat in the captain’s chair looking at the main screen which seemed to show nothing but deep space.

“I’m no good at any of this. All the readings look the same to me. Maybe you should get ‘Future’ up here. He’s the one that’s supposed to be trained in everything already, or hell! Why don’t you do it? You’re the same way as him, right?”

“I’m similar to ‘Future’, not the same. Now, I gave you a task. If all the readings are the same, then that means nothing is out there…”

Ten blinked as he looked at the screen to his terminal. He hadn’t thought about that. That would mean that the Leo team had used some method of hiding their heat trail. They obviously did not want anyone to follow them.

“Speaking of ‘Future’, why are we using code names now?”

Cloud turned his captain’s chair to look at Ten. “I’m testing it out right now. Eventually, we made need to refer to each other in code, just in case we start dealing with large threats and gain more enemies. You and I both have shot down plenty of enemy mobile suits up to this point, and neither side likes us too much.”

“Then why aren’t we using them?”

“Didn’t you say you wanted fame for being such a good pilot? Unlike you, I don’t want to be cocky, but being at the top of the game has it’s advantages. Once the name Cloud Strife and “Hell’s Gundams” becomes part of the same sentence, well…those in power will either want to hire us, or they’ll fear us.”

“Hmph, but still bringing this new guy on board…I liked it better when we were just a two man operation. The best and the second best.”

“Second known best. Kiyoshi has potential.”

“Because he’s based on your DNA?”

“I’m not a scientist, I don’t know how much of my abilities actually do lie in my genetically constructed DNA, however, I was made to surpass everyone else, Kiyoshi is the same way..”

“That’s still fucked up. Do you think he can be better than you?”

Cloud smirked as he turned back to the main screen. “You don’t understand people as well as I do. Kiyoshi is being held back by his past. If he ever lets go, accepts things for the way they are; then he also has that potential…”

-

Kiyoshi sat in the room he was assigned to when he first came onboard the Pegasus. Looking at the plain walls, Kiyoshi reflect on that day that seemed so long ago. Kiyoshi was dirty. He had been on the run for weeks now. It was the first time that Kiyoshi was truly thinking on his own. Within the time that he had slept, which wasn’t much at all, Kiyoshi had not received the hypnotic conditioning that he had received since his birth, 17 years ago. In a way, he had felt lost. With no voice in the back of his mind to guide him on his day to day activities, he wasn’t sure where to turn to. He had no true friends or family, and so he tried to prepare himself for the lonely path ahead.

He had made a home for himself within an abandoned factory on L3 Prime. Like an animal, Kiyoshi had scavenged food and supplies to barely last for each day. However, this all changed one day, when the factory’s doors opened with a harsh light. On instinct, Kiyoshi drew the gun that he had with him, aiming it at the man.

“Your cold eyes reflect the light easily from here, Kiyoshi,” said the man.

Kiyoshi raised his left hand up to try and shield his eyes from the light. Squinting he could still not tell if he recognized the man, but he was sure he didn’t know him by his voice. Keeping the gun level with the man’s head seemed like the only good idea for now.

“You’ve gone through a lot these last few days, haven’t you?” asked the man.

“Who are you!?” yelled Kiyoshi.

“Ten years difference between us, but we’re not much different.”

Kiyoshi put his left hand under his right to steady his aim. “You didn’t answer my question!”

“I’m afraid you have something that belongs to me.”

Something that belongs to him? Kiyoshi didn’t understand what it meant, but at this point he didn’t know what to expect. “If you’re from the FRE Foundation, I’ll shoot!”

“I would assume so. You did kill a majority of them, didn’t you? Also you rigged up their bases to explode. You’ve made a lot of chaos in L3 lately.”

It hadn’t set in before. All the lives Kiyoshi had taken in his anger. His eyes went wide as his aim dropped.

“I can assure you, I’m not with the FRE Foundation. I understand you more than you understand yourself.”

Quickly being brought back to his senses, Kiyoshi aimed his gun back at the man in front of him. “If I have something that belongs to you, tell me what it is. You can have it. I just want to be left alone! I don’t want to be anyone’s puppet!” Kiyoshi narrowed his cold eyes on the man. He watched as the man held up his hands and slowly removed a pair of sunglasses from inside his jacket.

“Cold eyes like those should be shielded from the world. When someone has had such pain in their lives, they tend to grow cold and gain the ability to pierce through the hearts of others…”

The man held out the sunglasses, Kiyoshi slowly reached out, took the sunglasses, and put them on over his eyes.

“Not to mention they help when you’ve become accustomed to being in a dark abandoned factory for a long time.”

Kiyoshi looked up at the man through the sunglasses. Now able to see Kiyoshi could see the face of Cloud smiling back at him. Suddenly, the Pegasus shook bringing Kiyoshi out of his day dream. Jumping off of the bed, Kiyoshi ran out of his room and headed towards the bridge.

-

Outside a group of twelve Taurus mobile suits flew past the Pegasus. “This is the ship. We’ve been ordered to destroy it if they don’t surrender. All units, prepare to open fire on my command,” yelled the commander of the Taurus team. “This is Commander Alexander Hammond of the Taurus Brigade of Outpost 0991. We demand that you surrender. If you do not comply within two minutes, you will be destroyed.”

The Taurus suits aimed their weapons ready to fire. It would seem there is much more to this supposedly inactive area of space than anyone had realized.

Alright here is the deal-i-o

*Characters are what instigate conflict and conflict is what drives the story. That makes dialogue very important it is how characters comunicate and is the easiest way to let the audience know what is going on.

(My theory is a very Charles Dickens approach. Just thought I'd let you know)

Well the thing about dialogue is that the audience has to know what is going on. So having the dialogue 'floating' with out an explanation is confusing to the people reading. Having floating dialogue will have the audience ask questions such as "how many speakers are taking part is this dialogue?', 'is this even taking place?', 'how important is this too the story?"

*Ises, wases, weres and saids are plain verbs. Spice up your verb life with thesaurus. You can usually plop down a spicy verb in the place of a plain verb but in other cases you need to rearrange your sentence and in those cases your sentence was probably a subject-verb anyway.

Thanks Kiyoshi, that cleared up a lot of questions that I still had about the relationship between you and Cloud. Actually that answered a lot of my questions, most of them actually, the ones I still have you told me that I'd just have to wait to have answered. I hate waiting

The floating dialog in the beginning is supposed to be that way. It's a style choice, see the series of works in Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game. Which will be further explained in later chapters. Actually if you've read any of the Kiyoshi back story within the RP you should know what's going on, but it will be further explained within the story itself. The other "floating" dialog should be clear who is speaking and if it isn't there's a reason for it. Such as early on in the cockpit of Kiyoshi's Neo Zero. It's supposed to give the feel of not knowing who is speaking over a comm. link. If there is more than one person within the dialog I make it clear who is and who isn't speaking.

My verb usage is poor I'll admit that, though.

And I'm glad it helped Val, but this has all just started. There's a lot more that I have planned.

Yes, I suppose it could be considered a style choice but you don't know who is reading this I could be under the impression that there are sixteen different people talking inside this fellow's head.

Where does it says that they are speaking over a comm. link?

That's the point you don't know how many people are involved in the AC 177 parts. It's supposed to be confusing. Though technically, you should realize it's two.

And it doesn't, oh well.

Ever read any Cormac McCarthy? He doesn't even use QUOTATION MARKS. Shit's confusing.