Puppet Strings

*Note: This is meant to look like Amerzone Script, but it won't allow me to do so. This is a letter, basically, in the first-person view of Raylen. This probably won't be the last of them (-R&R-) as I have many more ideas, and if it all ends up put together, this would probably be middle portion -- or a prologue before both the history and future are truly revealed.

I searched the world over for your face and found not a trace of it. Are you to be nothing more to me than thought and memory, my dear Raven? Is there nothing more of you to clutch to me other than this accursed locket? My quill pen quivers even as I write this, my dominant hand so carefully clasping the object at my throat in its tender grasp. O', time has stained it; faded the image of your shining face, and still I remember its first arrival in my possession as if it were yesterday. Tell me, do you still keep the pocket-watch with my picture in it? Do you even still remember my name, or am I a stranger in your midst, hardly remembered?

Silence has all but surrounded me these days, and even as I trekked up the lush hill to our once beloved abbey, umbrella in hand, I did not hear the sound of the rain's patter all about me or even feel my own tears trace my face. I had deluded myself, pleaded with any Higher Power that might be that you would be returned to me. That it was all a silly joke like in the days of old, and you would be awaiting me by my favorite window of stained glass.

That was not to be so. The place was abandoned; damask. I searched every dark crevice with my eyes; my hands, led on only by the faint flickerings of candles lit by the faithful. I once was faithful too, but soon I began to cry aloud, tears of guilt and shame; fear streaking my face. The pain unbearable - like a heart torn from a chest -, I collapsed before that God-blessed Madonna, blood tears all at once replacing the salt water ones of my life. Sanguine and alabaster underneath the moonlight that shown through her face, beautiful no longer.

I sat there for hours only God could count, knees curled into my chest as fingers held fast over my heart. Oh, Raven, can't you see you're tearing me apart? Without you, my life is dead. My time is no longer spent on social niceties but with somber reflection instead. Just as I did this night, I do every night. I close my eyes and see you well; alive, silently cheering me on and promising never to say goodbye. Couldn't you hold me tight just once more or release me? I beg of you, return to me or allow me to let go. It kills me to think of you oft as I do.

My eyes no longer hold a vibrant green but have dulled with the memory of what life could have been. Emeralds no longer sparkle for there is no you to be seen. What had been perfect porcelain silk to touch is unkempt alabaster. Midnight locks stream forth freely for the first time ever, plastered to my cheeks and all about me. All that has been kept in place for recognizability is my suit. My crimson vest still hangs loose about my form and the ruffled collar hides the locket from view until I can be alone with you - or your memory, rather. I fear, though, that the black of my suit threatens to become a lighter shade, and my shoes are only partially shined. Still say you'll be mine?

Your charming disposition is surely missed, and if I could, I would kiss those lips just once again. Your taste, your grace - none should go to waste, but I know what you do to me now. You tear my soul apart, in your absence you rip out my heart. You were my shining light, and now I am left in the dark with no guide. Even if you no longer remember me, return to me and I shall show you to love me again. I grow weary of your puppet strings and a great many things. Restore yourself to me and with you my soul. Destroy me no more.

With Love For Evermore,
Raylen

P.S. I still do not know why I leave this letter at the very window which I cried, but may the Light guide you home to it. And me. I'll be forever waiting.