Snippet #1885172

Damien could feel the earth beneath his feet; fertile top soil, branches sprawled out before him and twisted their way up trees so very high. The air was crisp, he could feel the early morning chill as it passed him by like a stranger waving. It caressed his face, and even as he found it hard to breathe from the pain he manged small inhales to suction the air into his lungs as best he could. He took the air in as it rolled off the water of the lake, as a child took small sips of water. Though no one one not in the immediate area of him could see, he had turned paler since yesterday. He still had the taste of blood on his lips, and in his throat though it had dried.

Damien had thought long and hard about what he was going to do. He stared at his reflection, often wondering if it felt the same pain he was in now. It must've had to, it looked like shit. He often joked with himself about serious things, especially matters of importance. He had done it so many times before, he was astonished he even mentally recognized it as a joke. The larger part of him, didn't want to do it. It was scared to actually. But the part of him that was responsible for that little girl back home--the one he saw more as a daughter than a sister--that part of him was resolute. It had, in a lapse of judgement, fallen for it own whims and realized what it had done now it sought out a way to correct his actions.

He stared down at the placid, unmoving waters. Vacant eyes stared steadily back. The water held no ripples, no imperfections, no flaws. It felt no pain, no fear of the unknown, and if it were known, it didn't help any. His frown carried onto his doppelganger, he stared down and realized he had been carrying an empty bottle of Jack all night. He lifted the bottle, it didn't even have a drop left. Whatever he hadn't drank, had evaporated. He then got an idea, as it would be hard to explain to her why he was carrying around an empty. He simply sighed, he'd have to explain why there wasn't empty bottle laying about. Of course, with what he was about to do--it would be expected of him.

Damien had decided, that the best way to protect Katelynn's young heart, was to break it. Break it before it could flourish into something wild and rampant. Something beautiful and powerful. Of course, he'd wish she could be like that...with someone else. He simply could not leave her in this world, heartbroken and alone if he passed and she fell for him. He turned his head to spot Philip heading over to Katelynn's car. He sighed again, and began to limp his way towards his fate. Every foot fall his heart ached more and more, every moment that passed was numbing him. If he was being a hero, if he was trying to be what's right for her--why did it have to hurt so much?

“I would always be here for you.” Philip handed Katelynn her shoes.

"Philip..." Damien called out his name commandingly, continuing the tensions from before. His breath, oddly labored, but due to the sun shining right over his shoulders--they would not see his pale textured skin. "I would have words with you...Come with me" He simply said, not even bothering to linger around. Uncharacteristically, not even glancing at Kate. It was hard, it was hard for him not to. It was like not noticing the sun or the moon, or the stars. It was like not noticing the water that you were drowning in.


He led Philip a fair distance into the woods, and that when he would begin to see how pale his skin was from yesterday. His eyes drooped, and sweat was glistening from all over his face. How his eyes had changed from the fearsome person that he was yesterday, or maybe the friendly guy that fixed cars. Today they looked almost alien, even to Damien himself who turned his back to Philip and stepped a few paces away. He seemed to be in really deep thought."I'm sorry..." He said, "About yesterday. I told Kate, I told her I wished it was for all the times he pissed me off. All the cockiness, all the flamboyance--but it wasn't. It was because he hurt you. Made you cry like that. I wanted him to cry too. If I couldn't make him feel what you felt, then I'd damn sure give him something to cry about." Damien swallowed, lowering his head as he turned back around.

"Let's get some things straight here. Between me and you. I don't like you. I don't like how you use women. I definitely don't like that you've taken that girl for granted. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there were times were you stepped up, but there were a lot of times you could have done much more and you chose not to. I don't care about your dating every fuckin' girl from her to Timbuktu. I don't. I don't care if you want to fuck every girl from her and every state and country to Japan--I don't give two shits. You treat that girl right there--" He thrust his finger past Philip's head authoritatively pointing towards where Kate was. " You treat her differently." He looked Philip in his eyes long and hard before lowering his arm slowly.

Damien stepped backwards a few steps. "Yesterday there was some talk about me," He bowed his head and the lifted it looking Philip in the face once again. " Something you weren't man enough to say out loud. Something you didn't have the balls to say to my face." He nodded, his face blatant with disdain. " I am a convicted felon, Philip." Damien confessed. " But not for some bullshit charge. I took a torque wrench to my daddy's head until my mother pulled me away. I was sixteen. I had watched him beat the tar out of my mother and me, and I was not going to let that be the life for my sister." He said fiercely, with great pride. " So I took a plea bargain, was sentenced two years, got in a scrap after an inmate with some poor aim and the right timing took my kidney and got me another year for nearly killing the man. Shit, maybe it wasn't so bad after all." He chuckled mildly at himself.

Damien found a four foot stump protruding and sat down with his hands on his knees. "I'm dying Philip. Ain't no cure for cancer, not with one kidney left and that one being the cancer riddled one." He nodded, looking around as he felt the moment about to arise. The moment where he felt there was no turning back, but there was also no other way." Some men have got to know when there just won't be a happy ending. Mine came last night after she kissed me and went to bed. Woke up pissing and spiting and throwing up blood. But that ain't nothing new for me. You know how many of those nights I've had taking care of a three year old that calls me daddy when shes really my sister? Yeah, explain that." He smiled looking down at the ground sadly.

"That's why I can't let her fall for me anymore. I spent this whole year," He gestured with his hand by cutting the air into segments. " Whole year, just trying to talk to her. Every time I'd take notice of her ballet, or her swimming. I'd just choke up and quietly exit. Some people just don't get the good endings, they don't get to walk off in the sunset holding their hand or waking up the next morning just watch them dreaming. Wondering, praying that its you they see in there. All I know...all I've ever known is sacrifice. I gave up who I am for who everyone wants me to be. I gave up my life for my sister, and make no mistake I'd do it for Kate. But this..." His eyes became dull, losing their exuberance.

"I feel tired Philip. I feel real tired. And its no matter how much sleep I get. I'm in pain constantly. I'm lying to my little girl, telling her...I'll be okay when inside everything is screaming run for hills its coming down. I drink.." He held up the bottle of Jack. " ...And I drink, if only to stave off the pain for a few lonesome, loathsome hours." He muttered, the looked up at Philip's face. " I can't be her white knight, her protector. I can't her lover, her best friend. I can't be those thing, you understand?" His eyes tiredly looked at Philip. "I'd rather be something she hated me for that I am not--than love me for something that may yet be. I want to, I really do. But I can't. I can't be a failure as a brother, as a father and as a lover and a friend. So I'll be something I know I can be--a simple disguise, that guy that's blindfolded and about to be sent in front of a firing squad. I can be that guy. Just...don't tell her I said these things..at least wait til everyone leaves here, I leave here and you two are alone..." With that he stood up, and limped past Philip leaving him to the quietness of the woodlands as he made his way back to the house.

But it wasn't long before he doubled over in pain, clutching his sides as blood ran between his lips spewing to the ground. He heaved his next few breaths, taking time before he very shakily stood upright once again and resumed walking laboring as he did. He was stubborn, entirely so. But he made his sister a promise, he would find some joy this summer. He was going to stay here until he had. He couldn't lie to her about that. Telling her he was okay when he wasn't, that was one thing. Like any parent figure he didn't want her to worry. Telling her he couldn't find enjoyment, well, that was another.

Damien made his way to his car flipping down the blindfold he caught the pack of cigarettes that attempted to fall. He then opened his console grabbing his zippo. Placing one of the American Spirit full flavors between his lips, he flicked the zippo open and flicked the flint sparking a flame. He drew in in the intoxicating tobacco, letting the paper sizzle and pop as it burned. With a haze of gray smoke expelling from his lungs next, he felt the mask he had bore fore for so many years slide back on.