"I can’t exactly describe how I feel but it’s not quite right. And it leaves me cold."
Haruka woke with a jolt as a scream escaped her lips, merely seconds later someone flew into the room through the shut door. Asuka stood in the open door way as a sigh of relief escaped the girls lips. Asuka hand put a on her hip, as she stared at Haruka before looking around the room and towards the window, most likely wondering what had made the girl jolt awake and scream so suddenly. "Haruka, how are you feeling?" Asuka broke the silence with a simple question. For a moment Haru just started at her, and then she let herself fall backwards onto the pillows. "Like I slammed my head on the ground." She replied plainly as she stared up at the ceiling.Clearly she had been out for longer then one day, and of course she remembered what had happened, but at the same time..
Haruka turned her head to the side and nearly groaned when she saw what day it was, she out been out of it for more then one day, which meant she had so much work to make up it wouldn't even be funny, it would just be headache. She sighed aloud before sitting back up and staring at Asuka she was deep in her own thoughts as she subconsciously traced her throat with her hand. Seeing the Prefect do this brought up memory's from the other night, along with questions. Haruka frowned as she lazily leaned her head back to stare at the ceiling once more.
"Asuka..." Haruka's voice came out in a tired way, as if she had gained many years of life while she slept. "Human...Do humans have a purpose when they are born?" She allowed herself to fall backwards once more, her body making a dull thump as it hit the bed. "I know you don't know the answer but...I have been wondering recently...because they are born, do they have an important duty?" Haruka held her hand up in the air as she stared at it, her blue eyes duller than usual as she allowed her thoughts to flow from her mind and out her mouth, a forbidden passage she had tired so hard in the last few years to keep blocked. "The meaning of being born...for humans to find that answer,for us to find that answer...one human can only do so much." Haruka let her hand drop back down to the bed as she let out a deep breath. "I've realized what is the most painful thing one could feel...what I have felt." She bit down on her lip, hard.
Did she really want to tell Asuka about her past? Did she really want her room mate to know? Would it be so horrible for someone else to know what she had been through in life, or would it be better to end the conversation here and now? In a strange way, Haruka felt like, by telling Asuka about her past, she would be secretly telling her she was forgiving her for what had happened. "The feeling that...you are not needed by anyone in this world." She covered her eyes with her arm, she didn't want to dry by going over her memories, by thinking about her past. She would feel weak if she cried now for something that had happened so long ago. "Flesh woulds bleed and they may seem painful, but as time goes on the pain eventually disappears, and if you use medicine, the wounds will even heal faster." She moved her arm and brushed her fingers across the badge on her fore head. "But the tricky wounds are the one's in your heart, those are the wounds that are difficult to head..." She moved her hand from her head and rested it on her chest, where her heart was. "A wound to the heart is different from a flesh wound...there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they are never healed, when the wound is to grave and to deep within the heart to be able to heal properly." Haruka dug her finger nails in the skin the protected her bones and blood.
She wanted the pain that would always be with her to leave, she was so tired of the ache that always filled her heart because she was not needed, let alone wanted, but those around her, and if she was she was merely a tool to be used. Why do people do that to other people? It makes no sense...Right? "I...I wonder why we are born, if we are meant to feel such pain, weather a flesh would or a wound of the heart...what's the point of it all if we all are taken away by death in the end? Are we meant to learn from the pain? Why? So we can take it's secrets to the grave? This world..this world makes no sense...but at the same time...maybe it's better we don't have the answers...I don't know..I just....I don't want this pain anymore." Haruka sat up and started at Asuka, her blue eyes looks empty and dark as her bangs covered half of her face. "It's killing me from the inside out." She whispered the last part more to herself than to her room mate, but it couldn't have been more true.